In response to the insane, right wing anti-immigrant crowd, our government announced that we would be building a 700-mile border fence between the U.S. and Mexico. How fucking awesome is that? Especially when you consider that the border is 2,100 miles long. Obviously it will work, because most ranchers only fence off 1/3 of their land and the cows don’t know the difference. I know when I was growing up, we fenced in 1/3 of the yard, and our dog was never able to get out. That’s how fences work, especially retarded fences.

So, in October 2006, Bush signed The Secure Fence Act. And then we went about figuring out how to build this border fence. The Department of Homeland Security, which never does anything wrong, came up with the construction plans and began acquiring land. In California, Arizona, and New Mexico there were few problems because borderland is mostly federal land. But Texas is another story, because much of the land is privately owned. That means eminent domain, which means people are losing their land. For a retarded fence.

Oh, and by the time 2008 rolled around, the 700-mile border fence was halved.

Vehicle barriers? How the fuck is an illegal immigrant ever going to get over a vehicle barrier? It’s genius! And don’t even think that illegal immigrants will know how to build a ladder or dig a hole. That’s crazy talk.

Late last year, the DHS sent letters to 135 private property owners explaining that they had to give up their land - for a fence that will only cover 370 miles of land on a 2100 mile border.

Okay. See anything wrong there? How about a city losing 233 acres to a fucking fence? Exactly how wide is this retarded fence? It’s a pretty consistent story all along the border. Nydia and Fred Garcia’s ranch is screwed.

Massive amounts of land will be lost because of the placement of the fence. One would expect a border fence to be built on the border. No so. In some cases, like that of Eloisa Tamez, 72, the fence will cut through her ranch, which is one mile north of the border. And why not? It’s not like the government hasn’t completely fucked her family over before?

Now she only owns three acres -- and the government wants to put a fence through the middle of it. Did I mention the fence will be 370 miles long, while the border is 2,100 miles long? I did? Oh, did I mention that the fence won’t be in one piece? Did I tell you about the giant missing parts of the fence? That there will be big holes in places where rich people live?

Meet Dallas billionaire Ray L. Hunt. He’s good friend to a man named George Bush.

Guess whose land the fence won’t affect? Turns out the fence is just going to stop when it gets to Hunt’s land, then pick back up on the other side. That’ll stop those illegal Mexicans!

It won’t. Now shut the fuck up, poor person. Of course, it’s not the only place the fence will have holes.

Because they don’t give a shit. Because it’s not about the fence. It’s about money. They used the fervor of the anti-immigrant morons to steal more money from Americans. It’s about a bullshit project that gives money to some company for making a worthless product. They certainly don’t care about the people of Texas.

The word “soulless” comes to mind. Understand what this is: Nothing more than a giant give away of money to private companies. This is the most useless, fucked up, retarded fence in the world. Officially, it’s going to cost at least $1.2 billion, while most estimates double that amount.

Total fucking waste. But that’s just to build the fence. What about keeping it operational?

America, bend over, because a retarded fence is being rammed up your dirt hole.

The time has come for you to set your gaze upon this week’s worst people alive. Every week I dig through the news to find Asshole Fuckfaces and bring their disturbing acts to you. It causes me great pain and suffering. The amount of sickening, horrible acts that I have to wade through to find the worst would drive most humans insane. But I am strong. So, put on your rubber apron because this is going to be ugly.

For our first Asshole Fuckface, we head to the insane state of Texas.

Claude Jones was executed by the state of Texas in December 2000 for a 1989 liquor store robbery and murder. He was convicted due to the testimony of a witness and a single hair.

The witness told police that Jones told him he robbed the store and committed the murder. But that was 1989. In 2004, the witness changed his story and said Jones never said any such thing. It was really bad timing because Jones had been executed four years before. So, a “thank you” was not coming.

The lone hair on the counter turned out to have once been living on Jones’ head. That is what is known as a coinkydink. But the hair was not DNA tested because it was 1989. During the trial, an expert said the hair was consistent with the hair from Jones skull. The jury bought it and Jones is now dead.

Recently, the Innocence Project became involved. They wanted a DNA test done on the hair in order to find out if Jones was actually guilty. That is when the San Jacinto County DA said he was going to destroy the hair. Now, that is an asshole fuckface who loves the truth.

The Innocence Project filed a motion to stop the DA from destroying the hair and a judge agreed. On October 3rd, a hearing will be held to decide whether or not DNA tests should be performed. Texas has executed 403 people since 1982. Since 1994, 29 people in Texas have been exonerated through DNA testing. But why slow down, right?

The next asshole fuckfaces on the agenda are an old classic: The Republican Party!

Hey, if you can’t win an election in California, why not try to break the law to get a few electoral votes? California Republicans think it is a good idea to change the states allocation of electoral votes from “winner take all” to divvying them up by district. Currently Republicans stand no chance of getting anything out of California, but if they were to pull this off they might end up with 22 electoral votes. That is more than enough to swing an election. The GOP is moving closer to getting their plan placed on the June 2008 ballot as an initiative. There’s just one big hang up.

The hilarious thing about this Republican attempt to steal electoral votes is that the Supreme Court recently affirmed a previous ruling about the power the Constitution gives to state legislatures in choosing electors. It occurred in a little case called Bush vs. Gore.

Although the ruling certainly won’t slow the Republicans because the Constitution hasn’t exactly stopped them from taking action recently…

Next up, what’s worse than Christian family values? How about asshole fuckface Nazi family values?

Eva Herman is a conservative talk show host in Germany who was recently promoting her latest book The Noah's Ark Principle -- Why We Must Save the Family, when she said that Hitler’s family policies were good for the country. Herman claimed Hitler’s cash bonuses for extra children and the death penalty for abortions were examples of good Nazi "pro-family" policies.

And nothing says “family values” like murdering six million mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, daughters and sons.

Poor Eva was fired from her show. Sad.

Speaking of family values, good old West Virginia is home to the worst asshole fuckface family of all time.

The Brewster family of Big Creek had a little torture session in their trailer last week. It all started when Bobby’s latest lady, Megan Williams, stopped by the pad. The family decided to hold her captive and have some fun.

For an entire week, Williams was raped, knifed, choked and beaten. She was also forced to eat rat and dog shit, drink from the toilet and had boiling hot water poured on her. To top it off, they called her “nigger” while they committed their heinous acts.

Police arrested Danny J. Combs, 20; George A. Messer, 27; Karen Burton, 46, and her daughter Alisha Burton, 23; Bobby R. Brewster, 24, and his mother Frankie Brewster, 49, at Frankie Brewster's home. Brewster, his mom and Combs could all receive life in prison for kidnapping and sexual assault. The others face various charges.

Williams has been in the hospital since the attack and is a mess.

The Brewster family and their friends are a dark stain on the face of the planet. Altogether, the six people have been charged with 108 separate offenses since 1991.

It would not be so bad if they were all killed in prison.

Each of this week's winners get a FearTheReaper cat collar. Congrats!

Murphy, Texas is a small town 20 minutes outside of downtown Dallas. It’s a wealthy community with a population just over 11,000. But most importantly, it is a fantastic place to lure and trap pedophiles.

Dateline NBC has an incredible journalism series called, To Catch A Predator. The news show entices pedophiles online by posing as young teenagers, lures them to a location and lowers the boom – all on camera. Then reporter Chris Hansen asks the grown men how they could do such a thing. He talks in an almost friendly tone to milk the most out of these men, whose lives were ended just seconds before. Viewers at home can feel disgusted, righteous and afraid for their own children all at once. It really is the height of journalism and civilization.

Dateline chose Murphy for their latest installment. They contacted city manager Craig Sherwood, who approved of the operation. He made sure to keep it a secret from everyone, including the mayor and City Council. He may have even put on a “secret spy outfit,” but we can’t be sure.

The sting went down last November. Over 4 days, people who were posing as kids in chat rooms lured 24 men to a home in a Murphy neighborhood. Notice I wrote “people” and not “law enforcement officers.” NBC uses a group called Perverted Justice to pose as underage kids and lure the pedophiles. It is a clever name because it has three meanings: First, that the justice system favors the perverted criminals. Second, that they are catching perverts and third, that the group is mostly made up of retards.

Not all of the suspects who chatted with the posers showed up at the house. Some made the right choice and did not follow their sick impulses to molest kids. Clearly their names should be given to police and they should be arrested. Or, better yet, the Dateline television crew can show up at their house and confront them in front of their own wife and kids. That way the children can be scarred for life and the wife can be shamed into a never-ending depression.

This is exactly what happened to Louis Conradt, Jr. He had engaged in some naughty sex talk with a fake 13-year-old boy. Unfortunately, Louis was an assistant prosecutor in a nearby town and he immediately knew what was happening when he saw the reporter on his lawn. He promptly blew his brains out. In doing so, he totally fucked up an awesome interview. He apparently did not realize television comes first.

The suicide blew the sting. Now everyone in the town knew what was going on and they were not happy. For some reason, the local towns people were upset that Dateline NBC was luring pedophiles INTO their town from other locations. And the show did not pick the best house in the area.

Jesus, lighten up, hippies. There is nothing wrong with luring crackhead phedophiles close to an elementary school for a television show.

But after all that effort, the pedophiles will not be charged. Which means I can only call them, “dudes who talk about sex to kids and want to fuck them,” or DWTASTKAWTFT, for short. The district attorney says the DWTASTKAWTFTs won’t be charged because the cases were “tainted by the involvement of amateurs.”

Amateurs? What the fuck? They are experts from Perverted Justice and Hollywood! Plus, NBC has filmed six other episodes of To Catch A Predador. Six. They could write a book. Or make a TWO hour special.

The DA has no jurisdiction in 16 of the cases because the DWTASTKAWTFTs and the decoys were outside the county when they were in the chat rooms. The rest of the cases were dropped because both the police and NBC cannot guarantee the chat logs were authentic. It turns out that police usually handle Internet stings differently than TV shows.

This is exactly why the guys at Perverted Justice picked their name! Fuck! The DWTASTKAWTFTs win again!

In a final blow, Murphy gave city manager Craig Sherwood the boot for inviting the show to town. Good job, all around!

Yay, television!

Ah, Texas. How I love your criminal justice system.

Well he can’t be THAT crazy, right? I mean, I’d want to “subpoena” Mrs. Robinson too. If you catch my drift.

But seriously folks, Scott Panetti is a murderer. He’s also nuts. In the time since his conviction, he’s apparently come to believe that the state is executing him not for his crimes but because he’s been preaching the word of God. That’s pretty bonkers. His fate, in every sense of the word, now hangs with the Supreme Court after a decade and a half of legal wrangling.

But what the Court is considering is not whether execution of the insane runs afoul of the Eighth Amendment. It has already been established that execution of the severely mentally ill is a Constitutional violation in Ford v. Wainright, 477 U.S. 399 (1986). What is at issue here is the application of the Ford standard.

The Northwestern article linked above sums up the Ford decision thusly:

Sounds great, right? Well, it’s not so simple. After all, what is the definition of the word “unaware”? If "aware" means that the death row inmate has to fully comprehend the entirety of the situation, down to understanding the minute details of law that put him in this position, it’s going to be a pretty tough standard to meet. On the other hand, if it means that the convict only understands that he’s going to die because he committed a crime, then it runs the risk of being over-inclusive. If it’s somewhere in between, it could be a reasonable standard. Unfortunately to date the Supreme Court has not drawn the line at any one of those options. This has led to different federal circuits applying the law differently.

Guess which of the above standards the Fifth Circuit (the one where Panetti’s case was heard) uses? If you guessed the potentially over-inclusive one, you are correct sir!

So, it’s an important issue and one that deserves clarification. The Supreme Court does not like when different circuits apply its standards in different ways, so one has to believe that this was part of the reason the Court granted certiorari. Unfortunately for those circuits (and even more unfortunately for Panetti), the Court may not get the chance to make that determination due to an appellate procedural matter.

Basically, the issue is that death row appellants are only allowed one bite at the apple, so to speak. Panetti had filed a habeas appeal before this one, but that appeal did not focus on his competency to be executed. Briefs for the state of Texas on this issue can be found here, and for Panetti can be found here.

While I am not versed in federal appellate procedure enough to form an opinion on the habeas issue, the civil rights advocate in me is pulling for a Panetti victory. It seems to me that the Ford standard was meant precisely for people like Panetti, who may be “aware” in the broadest sense of the word, but only barely. To apply the Ford standard the way the Fifth Circuit has is unconscionable and renders the entire standard meaningless. Panetti, who probably shouldn’t have been deemed sane to stand trial in the first place, now may lose out on his day in the Supreme Court because his lawyers failed to raise this issue in a timely fashion. And whether that failure was intentional or unintentional, it still could cost a crazy man his life.

Though I suppose it’s tough to expect fairness of any sort when dealing with the barbaric institution of capital punishment.

File this one under "unlikely to become law--riiight?" Texas state Senator Dan Patrick (R, as if you needed to ask) plans to introduce a bill to, get this, pay women $500 for their babies. No, I am not shitting you.

The bill proposes to create an "Adoption Incentive Program" which would give

Once you get over the "did they just say pay women for putting their children up for adoption?" shocker, the practical--and, sadly, probable--reasons this won't pass start to come into focus. Obviously--obviously--the state of Texas doesn't want to just throw money around! And certainly not to birth mothers. So the money is only for women who place babies for adoption instead of abortion. But how would you ensure that? Obviously women who put babies up for adoption are unreliable sorts--they might just lie and say that they had chosen adoption instead of abortion in order to get the money. So the bill goes on to declare that

So you're pregnant, you decide you cannot keep this pregnancy, you make an appointment with an abortion provider and you show up and there's a parental consent law (if you're under 18) and a mandatory 24-hour waiting period just to make sure you've thought about this, missy, and now they're also going to try one last ditch oh, hey, but would you reconsider if we offered you $500?

Honey, $500 isn't even going to pay for the extra groceries you'll eat during a pregnancy. Let alone the prenatal care, if you're not insured or on Medicaid, or the cost of the birth.

Senator Patrick, would you agree to take care of a neighbor's dog for nine months for a measly $500? Where the fuck do you get the balls to offer women $500 to rent out their uteruses and sell their children?

Bitch_PhD is pleased to find that we've advanced beyond the era when Jonathan Swift wrote A Modest Proposal; at least now a boy or a girl before twelve years old is a salable commodity.

Cross-posted at Bitch Ph.D.

Way back in March 2005 the city of Amarillo, Texas was almost wiped off the face of the earth by a nuclear explosion. Workers at the Pantex nuclear weapons plant used the wrong tools and applied too much pressure while dismantling a W-56 warhead that resulted in a "near miss." The warhead is 100 times stronger than the bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima.

It’s not the first serious problem that has occurred at the plant. In 2004 another W-56 warhead was being dismantled when a crack was discovered. Technicians used the “equivalent of duct tape” to hold it together. Pantex was fined $124,000 for that incident.

Details of what occurred in March 2005 were kept secret until last month when the Department of Energy find the parent company, BWX Technologies, $110,000 for safety violations. It was then revealed that the incident could actually have resulted in the detonation of the warhead.

An employee sent an anonymous letter letter to the DOE with some disturbing information. Some managers lack specific experience in handling nuclear weapons. According to technicians, the accident occurred because they are forced to work 72 to 84 hours a week.

The plant itself is apparently in poor condition. According to workers, leaking roofs leave rooms with standing water, buildings are crumbling and safety tape makes the plant “look like a crime scene."

So what to do? How about increase production! Plant goals are to increase production by 50%. POGP calls it a “recipe for disaster.” Anytime the Department of Energy wants to jump in here would be great. Otherwise, goodbye Amarillo.

Early election voting has begun and so has the cheating. As has become a tradition in voting since we began using electronic voting machines, voters attempt to select a Democrat only to have their vote switched to a Republican. The process is so prevalent it has earned a name: Vote flipping. In nearly every case reported the flipping goes in favor of Republicans.

So far flipping reports have popped up in Miami, Tampa, St. Louis, Virginia, Arkansas, Dallas, and San Antonio. The reports are typical of what has been reported since Bush stole the election in 2000.

But technology can be checked with technology. Different groups are organizing voters to use the text and video capabilities of cell phones to monitor polls. Video the Vote was created by independent filmmaker Jim Ennis and elections activist James Rucker. So far the site has been viewed over 100,000 times. It is a combination of citizen journalism and a flash mob. Volunteers will receive text messages of irregularities on election day. They will then rush to polling places and document the cheating on video. The video will then be uploaded online for the world to see. Rucker says the project was motivated by lack of media coverage in recent years.



Another site partaking in citizen video monitoring is Veek The Vote. Cell phone users can email their videos into a searchable database on the site that will serve as a source for election footage.

Aside from HBO’s new film, "Hacking Democracy," the media has decided not to cover the glaring problems in our election system. This could be a devastating response. Hundreds of videos online could totally undermine what is left of plummeting voter confidence.

In an attempt to win the creepiest person in the world award, Cindy Sheehan was recorded at a book signing in Palo Alto, California saying that she buried her uterus in Crawford, Texas. Pardon me while I wipe the vomit off my shit. Cindy explained her brave act to some poor bastard, who recorded it and has posted it on Hot Air.

Thank you, you horrible fucking monster. The reason there is not a uterus graveyard in every city is because we don’t bury them. Hospitals take care of that little problem. You don’t have to handle it yourself.

Hopefully Miss Body Organ Burier will be arrested because it is illegal in Texas to put your uterus in a hole in the ground where any motivated possum or raccoon can dig it up and have a feast. Can someone please stop the hippies?

Last April, Texas elementary art teacher, Sydney McGee, took 89 fifth-graders on a field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art. As is custom, parents signed permission slips allowing their children to go to the museum. Little did they know that the “museum” is a heinous den of lust.

Upon returning home, children told horrid stories of how their eyes and brains had been permanently damaged when they saw a nude sculpture. Parents were more than concerned about their innocent little angels. One of the parents had no choice but to complain to the principal, who was forced to act.

The principal admonished Mrs. McGee for not covering the “art” in a poncho, or a robe. But McGee claimed the principal had urged her to take the students to the museum. She obviously had failed to mention the thrusting of metal genitals in the faces of fifth-graders. The school board then voted not to renew Mrs. McGee’s contract, essentially firing her. She is currently on administrative leave until Marc, when her contract expires. She had worked as an art teacher for 28 years and received a Star Teacher Award two years ago.

Tennessee is going “balls to the wall” with executions on June 28th. The state has scheduled five executions as they throw down the gauntlet with Texas. Texas, which blows away the competition in yearly executions, has executed two inmates in one night at least three times in the past 10 years. Arkansas has twice executed three inmates on a single day since 1976. But sadly, if all five of the executions are carried out it still will not break the record held by the state of Virginia. On Feb 2, 1951 in Martinsville City, Va., eight men convicted of rape were executed. The state then enjoyed 40 years without rape.

Legal observers, also known as “party bummers,” predict that most of the executions, if not all, will be stayed because of appeals. But that does not mean Tennessee can’t pretend the killing party is going to happen! They’ve got the day planned like a well-oiled machine, says prison system spokesman Dorinda Carter.

The death watch area, where prisoners are moved three days before their scheduled execution, has four cells, which means two poor bastards have to double up. I call top bunk! Executions typically are scheduled for 1 a.m., but logistics would require these to go late into the morning. Now, let’s meet the soon to be dead!

I’ll be crossing my fingers for you guys to get the number two slot in the Guinness Book of Records. Good luck!