There's a few articles floating around this week that don't paint a pretty picture for the ongoing war in Afghanistan, weeks from a new President being sworn in who promised to shift the military's focus away from Iraq and to the war there.

From The Associated Press:

Afghanistan is something of a forgotten war, compared to the causalities of the Iraq war, the causalities of Afghanistan have been relatively light, 561 members of the U.S. military have died. Of that number, 408 have been the victims of enemy action. However, over a quarter of all deaths came last year, there were a 151 deaths in 2008, marking the worst year for military deaths in the seven-year conflict.

Even less encouraging is the release of a new independent study showing that the U.S. had "unrealistic goals" in the Afghan conflict.

Without editorializing too much its not a major surprise that the Bush administration ran headlong into something without a cohesive plan, an exit strategy, or a well-articulated end goal. The report stresses something most of us have probably not really considered in these terms:

Which doesn't speak volumes for the two-term Bush Administration, and leaves quite a bit for President Obama to clean up.

It isn't just a matter of increasing violence, the tactics of the Taliban are changing as well, according to the Seattle Times:

Tactics are changing on the ground in Afghanistan, Admr. Michael Mullen, current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff says:

None of which bodes particularly well for the incoming Obama Administration, and the ongoing conflict in Gaza isn't helping much either:

According to to the CIA World Fact Book Afghanistan has a population of about 34 million people, so hundreds of them protesting might not sound like a major issue, but if we're being at all realistic, we have to recognize that Israeli's actions and our continued support of them –– right or wrong –– are stoking a fire in the Muslim world and the eventual backlash could be a terrifying sight to see.

Worse still, it's long been a recognized problem that Al-Qaeda members have been slipping across the border into northern Pakistan, retreating to regroup and rearm before returning to Afghanistan to fight American forces. And the situation there has not been improving as Pakistan fires their national security adviser for arguing that Indian and Pakistan should have closer ties and for allegedly being too "pro-American."

In addition to Gen. Petraeus' comments regarding the ongoing battle he adds:

Tensions have risen considerably between India and Pakistan in the wake of the recent attacks in Mumbai. If conflict comes about, one wonders what effect it could have on Pakistan's border with Afghanistan as the U.S. prepares to step up its efforts there. Pakistan has already moved troops from its Afghan border to its Indian border.

The end result of all this is a more porous border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, while the population may begin to turn against U.S. forces and the insurgents change tactics to become more effective.

If that were not enough, there's also the big question of where all Afghanistan's heroin is going and how much all this is going to cost.

The future of Afghanistan looks bleak right now, and I offer this as news and not commentary since I have no answers, just a long, ugly list of observations and questions as to where we go from here.

Chalk up a big win for the terrorists. Not only did they execute a heinous plan with shocking effectiveness, but it also went on for days. Literally, for three days. And in doing so, they created a blue print for terrorists worldwide to follow in the future. They worked in pairs, they used guns and grenades and they spread out in several different locations. Sounds like the perfect plan of attack for a country like the US. And very hard to stop.

The 10 terrorists arrived in the city by water after taking over an Indian boat and killing the five sailors aboard. After landing in small rubber boats on an isolated beach, the casually dressed young men fanned out across the city. The walk took no longer than 15 minutes. They attacked 10 different locations in two hours. Most of the attacks ended quickly, but the battle at three locations went on for days, as they fought back against hundreds of Indian commandos.

They were very well trained. They knew the locations they were going to attack –– the best way to enter without being spotted, the layout of the basements and hallways and where guards would be. They also carried bags of almonds with them for nourishment.

At 9:30 p.m., the first terrorist attacked an Orthodox Chabad Lubavitch Center in a trendy neighborhood. The Jewish center was well known in the city. The terrorists would remain in the center for three days.

Just after 9:30 p.m., two terrorists attack a famous tourist hangout, Leopold Café and Bar. First they lobbed a grenade and then they opened fire. The attack lasted for about 2 minutes. At least 7 are dead and an unknown number are injured. During the chaos, people ran, so the total is not known. From there, the two terrorists jogged down the street to the Taj Mahal Hotel

They arrive at the hotel at 9:45 p.m. and open fire in the lobby. Again, people scatter, this time back into the hotel where they hide. Many would later be found and executed.

Two minutes later, two terrorists attack Mumbai’s main train station, Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus. They started by shooting into a glass-fronted restaurant and continued through the station. As they shot and threw grenades, they were very calm, even stopping for discussions about what to do next. While one would reload, the other would keep watch.

By the time the attack at the train station was over, 53 people were killed. The terrorists escaped by stealing a truck.

At 10 p.m., two terrorists hit the Oberoi Hotel. It’s another luxury hotel popular with tourists. They, again, hit a restaurant first. After, they run into a second restaurant and shoot at the diners and waiters.

Then the two killers force those still alive into a stairway. They ask for identification in order to locate the Americans and Britons, who are then taken upstairs, where they will become hostages. Most people in the hotel hole up in their rooms.

Five minutes later, two terrorists attack a police station. Two bombs go off in other areas of the city, both in taxis. The terrorists then quickly move to a hospital, where they open fire. At that point, they wait behind a tree for a police vehicle to show up. As it pulls up, they shoot at the truck, killing most of the police and commandeering the truck. One of the officers killed is the Mumbai anti-terrorist chief. As the terrorists drive around the city, they laugh at the ineffectiveness of the police’s bulletproof vests and shoot out of the windows at journalists and police, until they are finally stopped.

Over the next couple of hours, police kill the three and capture one of the terrorists who had taken vehicles. But the night is filled with chaos as the police try to get an understanding of how large the attack is and where the terrorists are. The four in the hotels and the two at the Jewish Center are still holding hostages and fighting off police.

At 9 am the next day, police begin trying to take back the hotels. As they do, the terrorists begin killing hostages. They also set fires in the hotel and set off grenades. These are not your ordinary terrorists.

At 7 a.m. Friday morning, police launch an effort to take back the Jewish Center. They surround the building with sharpshooters, then land on the roof from helicopters and begin working their way down. Throughout the day, gunfire and explosions are heard. The building is finally taken back at 6 p.m. that night, after a police rocket takes out the upper floor. Nine are dead, including the Rabbi and his wife.

The operation at the Oberoi hotel is wrapping up. Hostages run from the building and are taken to hospitals. Police exit the building at 3 p.m. Friday and say the terrorists are dead. They killed 32 people. Hundreds of people were saved.

Throughout Friday night, fighting continues in the Taj Hotel. Journalists report from the street, as gunfire and explosions are heard in the hotel. The hotel catches fire again. At 8:30 a.m. the fight is over, after 60 hours of hell.

As authorities begin to look at what happened, doctors report many of the hostages were brutally tortured.

Over 195 people were killed, including at least 20 police officers and more than 141 civilians –– including 22 foreigners.

Some of the attackers are believed to have escaped. Shivraj Patil, the Indian home minister, resigns, as does India's national security adviser, MK Narayanan.

The scary thing is how simple this kind of attack is, especially if attempted in America. It would be more than easy to get the guns you would need to pull off an attack. It certainly would be easy to get into the country. This is clearly a blue print for future attacks. Bombs are more difficult to manufacture and pull off –– and once it happens it’s over. This was like a terrorist’s wet dream. It went on for days. I don’t care what city you live in, attacks in several different locations by several different men are going to cause chaos for the responders. That’s not the case with a bomb.

They trained their terrorists for urban warfare. They knew where to attack first to cause the most damage. They knew where and how the police would show up. They understood exactly where to go, both on the streets and in the buildings. They were heavily armed and brought food. They knew whom they wanted to kill and whom they didn’t. They entered large buildings full of people that would make them difficult to locate. Worst of all, it was very effective and went on for days.

From where I’m sitting, this is a very, very bad thing.

Oh, and I wonder where they learned their urban warfare tactics. Anyone know of any wars going on?


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

The election is upon us. Today may be the largest turnout for a presidential election is US history. Many people are predicting 130 million voters will turn out, which is unprecedented. The large turnout will happen for two reasons: The first is Barack Obama’s Barack Obamaness. He is the most talented and gifted politician we have ever seen, and he will be our first black president, which has increased voting among minorities to a level never before seen. The second reason for the rise in voters is straight up stupidity. The other side is frightened of Obama because they literally have piles of shit where their brains should be.

I know, I know. This is a new day. I should be kinder and be a good winner. To that I say, “Go eat a dick.” You are a herd of Neanderthals who need to pick up a book (besides the one) and maybe switch to a different news channel. The enormous amount of absolute horseshit many Republicans believe is nothing short of astounding.

Let’s start with the Muslim rumor. How fucking dumb do you have to be to believe Obama attended an anti-American Christian black church AND that he’s a Muslim? Can you please hit yourself in the head with a pipe, you horrendous vacancy of a human? A recent poll found that 23% of Texans believe Obama is a Muslim.

None of you should be allowed to vote. You should be deported to Idiotistan. Or better yet, we should give Texas back to Mexico. For free. Just take it. Not only did you give George W. Bush to the world, but you are apparently becoming dumber. Emails are not fact, they are letters, written by an asshole you know, which should give you more pause. If I believed every email my father sent, I would be locked up in a halfwit farm. There is zero evidence showing Obama is a Muslim. Zero.

Next up, people who think Obama is a socialist should give themselves a home lobotomy. At least you would then have an excuse for being such an ignorant asshole. Your complete lack of understanding of different types of governments is nothing short of shocking. You are so simpleminded I’m surprised your dogs don’t feed you, instead of vise versa. According to your definition of “socialism,” EVERY country on the face of the Earth is socialist. That’s how fucking stupid you are. If you believe “spreading the wealth” is socialism, you just called Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Dwight Eisenhower socialists. You should have a sixth grade civics book crammed up your anus. You should not be allowed near a ballot.

Next, many people actually believe Barack Obama is a communist.

There is a significant group of Americans who actually believe Obama is a communist. They are beyond hope, beyond redemption. They are a stain on humanity. Here is their leader.



Wow. The only thing Victoria Jackson has less of than talent is intelligence. This is what happens when you only read the Bible and listen to Fox News. Oh, and watch 1984 and think that someone “being on TV a lot” equals 1984. Calling Barack Obama a communist is indefensible. I honestly don’t know how someone can be this obtuse and exist in the world. They are the enemies of intelligence, and therefore the enemies of democracy. Morons like Victoria Jackson should be feared far more than terrorists because they are more dangerous.

Next up, Obama pals around with terrorists. They are, of course, speaking of William Ayers.

Aside from the ridiculous use to the word “pals” to describe Barack Obama’s association with William Ayers, the idiots who use this phrase have gone with the plural. Terrorists. There’s an “S” on the end. As in, “Stupid,” “Simpleton,” and “Shitbrain.” Either that or William Ayers is going to split into two different humans soon. The connection is so far fetched, anyone using it as an excuse not to vote for Obama suffers from a medical condition known as “fuck pie brain.”

Insects should look down upon you. The constant use of the phrase, “Obama should come clean about his connections with Ayers” is so sophomoric and pathetic it is astounding. Why don’t you come clean about your goat fucking?

See how that works, you colossal fucking moron?

Of course, you idiots then take it a step further: Barack Obama is a terrorist. Really? I mean, you seriously allow that to escape from your mouth, without a tinfoil hat on your head or following it up with, “Corn is murder!”

Do you even know what a terrorist is? What has he blown up, I mean, besides today’s popular vote? And how do you survive being so dumb When you eat, do you just cram food into your mouth without chewing and then wonder why you can’t breathe? Because that’s what you do with thoughts and facts.

Many of you tools actually believe Obama is a Muslim terrorist plant who wasn’t born in the US. You actually think he was born elsewhere, because his birth certificate is “fake.” See, terrorists foresaw 47 years into the future and planted a mole baby. They knew that the baby would succeed and become president because he was black and had a crazy Muslim sounding name. That’s just how America works. Idiots write this nonsense. I’ve seen the emails and the comments attached. Many of these insults to the human race actually believe a story that is almost as fantastical as the story of Jesus. They are literally people who do not have the ability to feel embarrassment.

Oh, and how about the fact that Obama kills babies? Not just the kind that are aborted as fetuses, but actual babies. You idiots actually believe Obama supports infanticide and burning children alive. I think when he is finished killing babies he eats them. Some he puts on stakes around his home to ward off pro-lifers.

Anyone who believes just a fraction of any of the above ideas is an embarrassment to Democracy and humanity. Even though Obama will clearly win today’s election, it has made us stare directly into the face of the mass of American idiots and say, “What the fuck?” There is a massive group of voters in the country who are shockingly stupid. They believe Obama is a terrorist, communist, socialist, Muslim, baby killing, heretical Christian. Please combine two of those accusations and see how they work.

Know many Muslim communists? No? How about socialist terrorists? Are they a big danger to America? How about baby killing socialists? No? Communist heretical Christians? No? What about heretical Christian Muslims? What about baby mole socialists? How about baby killing baby mole terrorists?

Even though this election will be a sound thrashing, it also confirms how many Americans are a complete waste of skin.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Image courtesy of the New Yorker.

The United States Department of Homeland Security scares the hell out of me. What is really bad is I am a United States citizen and it scares the hell out of me. It really has to be scary to someone that isn't a citizen of the United States.

Think of this scenario. You fly back into the United States after visiting some friends in Europe. A Homeland Security Officer, specifically a Transportation Security Agent hands you a pair of pliers and tells you to remove your nipple ring.

Congratulations TSA. You're brilliant. Forcing someone to remove a piercing, in a rather personal spot, with pliers kind of does scream that procedures should be changed. If there were any damn procedures in the first place and they aren't just running this security thing by the seat of their pants.

That's old news. Now onto the new news. This is the type of thing where I strongly believe that any government official should have at least a general knowledge of current technology.

Back in April of this year, the Ninth Circuit Court decided that searching laptops without reason is well within the law, and does not violate any Fourth Amendment Rights.

So wait. Now I am confused. The Ninth Circuit says that TSA Agents can search my papers, effects, laptops, iPods, iPhones and other electronic devices without probable cause, but the Fourth Amendment says that they cannot. Unless the probable cause is "Everyone is a Terrorist". Then it kind of makes sense.

Well, at least they have to have reasonable suspicion to check my large intestines, that is comforting.

Don't worry though! Rep. Loretta Sanchez (D-CA) introduced a new bill to help with this! Well, not so much help, but at least you will get a receipt for the expensive piece of electronic equipment that the TSA Agent, who makes just more than minimum wage, is illegally seizing from you.

Basically, what Rep Sanchez is trying to do is bring more accountability to the TSA and Homeland Security. She is trying to create paper trails so we can figure out what they are doing.

So what does all this boil down to? The TSA can illegally (in my opinion) search your laptops, iPods, iPhones and Blackberries. They can also seize these devices if they deem it necessary. Rather than fix this problem, they are trying to pass legislation in order to make the TSA accountable for the electronic devices they are seizing. It seems like legislation we really shouldn't need in the first place.

Here is an idea. Let's not treat every single person that is entering the United States as a potential terrorist. Let's not presume that every single person entering the United States is guilty rather than innocent.

I cannot even begin to imagine what this is doing for business travel in the United States. What practical business person would want to travel to the United States and have their legitimate business files searched and possibly their laptop seized? For that matter, who would want to leisurely travel to the United States and suffer the same outcome? This has to be affecting our business and tourism trade.

What makes this even worse is that most terrorists probably know more technologically than what the TSA or Homeland Security is giving them credit for. It leads me to believe that the TSA Agents are searching for someone who is wearing a shirt that says "I R A TEAROREST!".

I would have to go ahead and assume that most terrorists know there are multiple ways around specifically having information stored to the hard drive of an electronic device. Things like peer-to-peer connections, online repositories and this internet thing, can walk right around security in an airport or at a border. This is the point where technology is an important knowledge to have if you are a public official.

Something needs to be changed. The system we are currently dealing with is greatly flawed. These issues are obviously big reasons not to visit the United States for business or for pleasure. With our economy the way it is now, we shouldn't be doing anything that will prevent money from flowing into our country.

I am tired, as a citizen of the United States, of being afraid to leave the country and return, even though I have done nothing wrong. I don't deserve to have my personal items seized on behalf of National Security.

We need to have officials in charge of things like the Security of the Nation, that are educated in technology so that processes like this can be eliminated or streamlined to make more sense. Accountability of the TSA and Homeland Security is a good idea on paper and in legislation, but in application we are making them accountable for something they shouldn't be doing in the first place.

DevilsReject just chooses not to leave the country anymore and sits in his basement with his 77 ferrets. Alone.

We are in a bit of a quandary. For years now, the U.S. has been at war with terrorism – which is weird, because terrorism is a tactic, not a thing. But, whatever. Our war on terror has been going on since 9/11. We’re losing. We’ve pretty much made every wrong move possible in this “global conflict” and the blow back will be severe and horrible. One only needs to look at 9/11, which was blow back for our involvement in the Russian-Afghanistan war and the first Iraq War, to see how it can come back on us. But today we find ourselves in a really terrible position. I think we actually have to bomb and torture ourselves. Why? Because we’re terrorists.

A terrorist group called Jundullah operates in Balochistan. You may not have heard of Balochistan. I have. I remember reading about it in the build-up to the invasion of Iraq. Seems an odd connection, right? Balochistan is like Kurdistan - a people without a country. Bolachistan is in Iran, Afghanistan, but mainly Pakistan.

Balochis were a small part of the decade long, neo-con push to invade Iraq. According the propaganda I read, Balochistan was one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. People raised there were incredibly tough sons of bitches – which is why they were recruited by a certain Saddam Hussein to do very bad things. TO AMERICA!

Yeah, neo-cons created an almost comic book origin for a super breed of terrorists. It was pretty retarded, but they went ahead with it anyway. According to our right wing lunatic friends, Hussein recruited the Baloch to destroy America. It was a mysterious scary place and the men coming out of Balochistan were scary people.

Today, years after the Iraq War lies have been put to bed, Balochistan is back in the news. But this time, the terrorists aren’t working against the U.S.; they’re working for the U.S. Shocking, huh? When has the U.S. sponsored terrorism? I mean, besides forever.

Yeah. That’s how we do.

Jundullah is responsible for many kidnappings and executions of Iranian soldiers. Their leader, Ragi, has admitted to killing Iranians with his own hand. Many of the executions are video taped for the world to see, which is pretty nice of them. There are several hundred Jundullah fighters, many of whom are ex-Taliban.

You may recall hearing about some of their recent work, a bombing in the Iranian city of Zahenda. A car bomb was detonated near a bus carrying Iranian soldiers. 18 people were killed. Jundullah took credit.

Now, this is where it gets fun. We support Jundullah the same way we supported the Contras in the '80s.

Well, that only led to shitloads of dead Nicaraguans and destabilized a region of the world, so why not?

Of course, much like the Iran-Contra scandal during the Reagan Administration, the president doesn’t know anything about it.

Um. Yeah. So, we just tell someone else to give them money. "Hey, Saudi Arabia, while we're giving you all those planes and weapons, could you do us a favor?" We’re aiding terrorists. It’s just that they’re our terrorists. So, now we have to change the name of the War on Terror to the War on Certain Terror.

Thankfully, things are starting to heat up with our terrorist buddies. Pakistani police arrested six members of Jundullah last week and they are planning to extradite them.

They would probably be executed. But don’t worry, we’re doing everything we can to help these terrorists.

Now the U.S. is actively trying to block extradition of terrorists. This means we have to put ourselves in Guantanamo and waterboard each other. What a fucking mess.

This should work out great! The last time we funded and aided Islamic guerillas in this region it ended up awesome. Go CIA! Go America!

The treatment of Omar Khadr is an example of the monsters we have become in our “War on Terror.” Born in 1988 in Toronto, Khadr was raised by two, insane Muslim parents. They spent every moment preparing him for Jihad, telling him suicide bombers were the bestest of the best.

Sounds like my old man -- except he made me play baseball.

When Omar was two, the family moved to Pakistan. In 1992, the family moved back to Canada for three years because Dad stepped on a land mine and needed to recover. Shit happens during a Jihad, yo. Omar's father raised money for Al Qaeda and sent Khadr to get formal military training before he was 12. He spent most of his formative years in Al Qaeda camps and even spent time with Osama bin Laden in Jalalabad.

When the US attacked Afghanistan, Omar was fighting with the Taliban. Well, sort of fighting. At 14, his job was to wash clothes and cook for the actual fighters. On July 27, 2002, Khadr was sent to the village of Ab Khail to translate for Taliban fighters at a gathering. American forces arrived and a firefight broke out.

Khadr was captured and charged with throwing a grenade that killed Sgt. Christopher Speer. The Pentagon said that Khadr was the only one who could have killed Speer, because he was the only person alive at that point. Of course, the Pentagon was lying.

Khadr was 15 on that day. Check him out in all his glory.



The shooting left him blind in one eye. And Khadr’s fucked up life was only about to become a lot worse. Raised by animals, who filled his mind with poison and attempted to turn him into a killing machine, Khadr saw one way out.

No can do. We have to torture you and make you go crazy. Khadr was patched up and sent to Guantanamo for some civilized American treatment.

How about a little more detail?

In 2004, the U.S. called him an “enemy combatant” in a Summary of Evidence memo that was prepared for his Combatant Status Review Tribunal. A judge tossed the case out last year.

No problemo.

But just to make sure there are no further problems, Khadr is now an "unprivileged belligerent." “Unprivileged belligerents” apparently don't have the right to wage war.

I am constantly amazed at our retardation and incredible lack of humanity. I am, however, no longer amazed by our constant defying of our own laws and treaties.

But he’s 20 now, so I wouldn’t expect any sympathy from anyone. He’s a product of child abuse, raised by an insane family that tried to turn him into a suicide bomber. He is the reason many countries came together to create child soldier laws. But rather than being civilized, we have gone the other way. We have justified every lie Omar’s parents ever told him. We have erased any doubt he may have had that America must be destroyed. And we have given up any right to condemn another country when they torture our soldiers during war. We are no different than the supposed enemy we fight.

Omar Khadr will have another hearing next week. Maybe we should ask him if he wants to continue to live like a rat, or if he would rather die. But, then, that would show a glimmer of humanity.

Over six years after the 9/11 attacks - and coincidentally in an election year - charges are finally being brought against those responsible. And surprisingly enough, the evil masterminds have already been in American custody for several years.

In a rare reversal for this administration, not only are the detainees to stand actual trial (albeit military rather than civil), but the

Emphasis added.

The defendants include such notables as Khaled Sheikh Mohammed and the so-called "Twentieth Hijacker," Mohammed al-Qahtani, whose treatments in American custody have been, at best, controversial, and whose confessions are therefore, again at best, dubious.

Indeed, some analysts are already criticizing what they see as perhaps the crowning example of the politicization of the administration's War on Terror.

Such an interpretation, while undeniably cynical, is sadly well-attested by the evidence of the past six and a half years.

Whether this is the last gasp of an overplayed partisan tactic or the defining moment of a generational global conflict will, I suppose, soon be revealed.

Dick Cheney has already gone to war with Iran and now he’s just waiting for the rest of us to catch up with him. He is very concerned that Iran will get their dirty, evil hands on a nuclear weapon. Yesterday, Dick warned that the US and other nations are “prepared to impose serious consequences” all over Iran, hard and long.

Ooooooo. Ima scared. Hey, here’s a question: All that money we gave to Saddam Hussein in the '80s, does that make us terrorist supporters? What about Pakistan? What about Saudi Arabia? Blah, blah, blah, on and on. The number of countries who support “terrorism” that we give money to is staggering. But, please keep speaking, Dick.

Uh, really? Did you just say that another country uses deceit? Seriously? I feel like I am in that episode of "Star Trek," where four member of the crew are beamed to an alternate, evil universe. We are basically dealing with an evil Kirk here. I want the good one back. Fix the fucking transporter, Scotty.

Expect quite a bit of this kind of talk coming out of the White House. The other day Bush started rambling about “World War III,” with no understanding that he is going to be the one to start it.

I am really comfortable that George is in charge. Not at all scary when the president says if Iran “has the knowledge” to make a nuclear weapon that he will start WWIII. He most probably didn’t realize he was saying that, but drunks tend to accidentally speak the truth. Of course, the not drunk guy is scarier.

Uh, hey Dick. The Ayatollah Khomeini was educated in Iraq. Odds are Iran is going to have a few connections to the Shiites there, but you would have known that if you had picked up a book before you charged into the Iraq with all the planning and thoughtfulness of a drunk frat boy slamming his cock into a passed out sorority girl.

Bah ha ha. Iran does not want a weak Iraq. A weak Iraq could lead to conflict with Saudi Arabia. Iran just wants the US to leave, so the process of turning Iraq into the theocracy it was always meant to be can finally happen.

But the most important point of this entire debate is that Iran will never use a nuclear weapon on the US or Israel. People in power simply want to stay in power and that includes the Iranian religious nuts who run the country. If Iran used a nuclear weapon, the country would be wiped off the map the next day. It’s suicide and it will never happen. To argue such a point is moronic. But Iran is today’s big bad, so be very afraid!

Meanwhile, you should not be afraid of our buddies Saudi Arabia. While Cheney was getting ready for our future attack on Iran, George was certifying Saudi Arabia as an anti-terrorism ally! Yay!

The declaration is required under US law if we want to give aid to Saudi Arabia. And Lord knows they need some aid! Those poor bastards have been suffering for too long.

Super. Most of the 9/11 bombers came from Saudi Arabia. The country has been linked to supporting terrorists over and over and over. Just two months ago, undersecretary for Terrorism and Financial Intelligence Stuart Levey, had this to say about Saudi Arabia.

According to Levey, not a single individual that has been identified as a terrorist by America or the UN has been prosecuted by Saudi Arabia. Those crazy helpers! So, what have we learned?

First, get those evil motherfuckers Iran! And second, help Saudi Arabia, so they can kill us!

We have a leader for the Asshole of the Year Award. Leigh Robbins is a 35-year-old mother of two from Virginia. She is also a paranoid idiot who should never be allowed near an airplane again for the rest of her life.

Last Tuesday Robbins was in the San Diego airport waiting for her flight to Chicago. Her children, who are four and nine-years-old, accompanied her. We can assume they are also fucking morons. She spoke to a Middle Eastern man standing in front of her in line who said he was in the army and was leaving for Iraq. Leigh, being a genius, noticed that the man did not have an accent and spoke perfect English. She’s smart like that. But she was concerned about his appearance. He was not clean-shaven and didn’t have a military haircut like she has seen so many times in the movies.

Then six other men joined the not Army looking guy – and they spoke Arabic. Holy shit! That is not English! Leigh’s brain said that to her, and when Leigh’s brain says something, she takes action. She grabbed her kids and went to security. But security was not interested in her keen terrorist finding eye, or as it is known in the Robbins’ house, “terrodar.”

Clearly airport security did not have the keen insight of a housewife from Virginia, so she called the police on her phone. Three policemen came to speak with her. They also told her there was nothing suspicious about the men, explaining that the men had gone through security and their bags had been screened. And an American Airlines official came over and told her everything was fine, as did another security officer. Quite a few people had assured nervous Leigh, yet it was still not enough.

First of all, no, I don’t think about it everyday. I fly all the time, and I actually never think about it. I can understand how it may enter people’s minds, but normal human beings are not consumed by their madness after being assured by every security official in the airport. And you were overreacting; there is nothing “maybe” about it. Especially because you weren’t done yet.

Leigh then boarded the plane with her two precious children. It was 11pm. Of course, she then told the flight crew about the suspicious men and took her seat in the back of the plane, near the bathrooms. In a bold move, one of the men walked past her to use the restroom.

Uh huh. Or maybe he just had that Army look on his face. The kind a soldier has when he is about to go to Iraq for a year. Or maybe he was tired. Or maybe he forgot where his seat was, or maybe he was looking for one of his friends, or maybe he was looking for that hot girl he saw boarding the plane. Or maybe the lady who was crying and staring at him freaked him out.

Leigh was so scared that she demanded the plane turn around and let her off – but not until it had left the gate, according to the airline.

You don’t need to, Leigh. Your actions speak louder than any words that may ever spill forth from your anxiety-riddled brain.

The pilot returned to the gate and police were called. Which is sort of what you have to do in this case. You cannot have a lunatic passenger on a plane, freaking everyone out by saying someone is a terrorist. It is a recipe for disaster.

Leigh got off the plane with her soon to be Prozac eating children. The seven men were also taken off the plane and questioned by airport security. The men did not understand why they were being questioned and were embarrassed that they were being treated like criminals. It was determined they “posed no threat.”

Why? Because they were Iraqi-American contractors working for Defense Training Systems, who had been training US Marines at Camp Pendleton.

One of the men, David Al Watan, fled Iraq in 1991. His mother was killed by Saddam Hussein's regime. And he was not happy with the treatment he received from American Airlines.

Yeah, but would you force a plane to turn around because a brown person was speaking a different language? Because that is what an American does. Al Watan should be upset with American Airlines because there was no reason to question him or his co-workers. The airline should have just tossed the crazy lady off the plane and gone on their way. And they should not have allowed her to board another plane.

To add insult to injury, the flight was unable to take off. San Diego airport has a curfew of 11:30 pm and the plane was unable to taxi in time. The airline was forced to put 126 passengers in a hotel for the night and fly them out the next morning at 10:15 am.

Leigh is, of course, sorry. Later that night, after she put her two children, who have no chance of being successful in life, to bed, turned on the TV and learned that the men were Marine consultants. Leigh wants to apologize.

You think? But Leigh wants everyone to know she did it for her kids.

Aw, are your babies tiny wittle people? Do day need protecting from da big bad terrowists?

Um, by stopping a plane from taking off because brown skinned people are speaking a different language, that’s how.

This is where I changed my mind about public stoning. I know I face an uphill battle, but there has never been a greater example of someone who should be slowly killed. Okay, that’s a bit extreme. So, how about this: Leigh Robbins should never be allowed to fly again. She has just given up her rights, because of her idiotic actions and her claims that she would do it again. Fuck her. Keep her off airplanes. And while we’re at it, take away her children. They are doomed.

First came the nightmarish film Sicko by demon Michael Moore. It opened in a limited release on June 22nd. It received strong reviews and was widely considered to be a great piece of filmmaking, all the while creating a strong argument for universal healthcare. But idiots know universal healthcare is evil and they were forced to attack.

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post spelled out the reasons why the film was so very wrong. Moore is a liar and probably a communist. The journalist took the time to point out that Moore is fat. His claims are stupid and so absurd they can’t be real. Also, Hillary Clinton is in the movie. When the Post was done making their argument, it was hard for any American to justify seeing the shitumentary. And yet, they went anyway. Then CNN wrote an article about how much of the movie was true. Uh oh. What to do now?

Luckily, terrorists tried to murder the island of Britain or England, or whatever it is on July 1st.

Yes, terrorists had parked cars filled with bombs in London and also drove a hot, fiery car into the Glasgow airport. Conservatives love a terrorist attack. We can all be afraid again! Yay! Forget about that universal healthcare shit, we’ve got a distraction.

But then that fucking Sicko had a wide release on July 3rd and people started talking about health care again. That was totally wrong because terrorists were driving flaming cars into buildings – and we should be focused on that! It’s like people have become bored with fear.

Luckily, there was a stunning turn in the terrorist investigation - one that would shake Americans, English and even the barbaric Scottish to their core. Some of the terrorists were…DOCTORS! (Cue tear running down child’s face) Yes, those who were trained to heal us had decided to kill us. My, God. What to do?

Fox News knew exactly what to do. The Foxes knew that at any moment people would turn their attention back to universal health care, because Americans realize more of them will die from our substandard health care than terrorist attacks. Which would make it a bigger problem. (Unless you are a fucking idiot) So, Fox News responded. They combined the horrors of terrorism with the horrors of universal health care and came up with magic.



Yes, you heard that correctly. Fox News just claimed that universal health care would allow terrorist to get into the country because terrorists know how to “game” bureaucracies.

Terrorists would have no fucking idea how to “game” a private enterprise. It’s pretty simple, government agencies, like, say, the FBI or the CIA or your local police would just stumble past a terrorist who was giggling while he looked at a web page of Osama Bin Laden. But a private security firm would grab that fucker in a second. You’ve seen private security folk – they are obviously top notch. The same thing would apply to health care. Basically what Fox News is saying is that if we allow universal health care we may as well just blow up Sears Tower.

Right wing blogs have now picked up on this nugget of genius first offered by Mark Steyn of the National Review. I applaud them for reaching new heights of retardation. Or is that lows?

UPDATE: MSNBS joins the party:

I enjoy the show 24. I enjoy violence and things blowing up and torture. Mainly I enjoy those things on television because they are not real. If Jack Bauer was torturing and killing his own brother in my living room I would probably be very uncomfortable. I may even vomit. I strongly believe in my heart that Jack Bauer is not real and that no real human being could do the things Jack does.

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, however, seems to think Jack Bauer is real. And he kind of has a man crush on Jack. Based on what happened in Canada this week, I think we can conclude that Scalia wants to be inside Jack Bauer, or more probably, wants Jack to be inside him, thrusting like an animal.

Scalia was at a legal conference in Ottawa during which a panel of judges was discussed torture and terrorism law. A Canadian judge made the mistake of saying this:

Well, you don’t talk about Scalia’s fantasy lover that way. Antonin lost his fucking mind.

Um, absolutes? Like Jack Bauer is absolutely not real? Like Antonin Scalia is an absolute nut job?

The Canadian judge who started the entire lunatic festival off with his slight comment has dealt with terrorists in his courtroom. He had a different opinion that Scalia.

Scalia was not down with that idea. I mean, Jesus, he has seen this shit go down ON TELEVISION. He knows counterterrorism agents should not be constrained by laws. Most of the judges in the room agreed that confessions made during torture carry little weight because they might be false and are almost never accepted into evidence. But Scalia was not talking about the court, he was talking about being out on the streets, taking down the bad guys with minutes to spare. He wants agents to have the freedom to get the job done and thwart attacks.

Um. Okay. You’re a Supreme Court Justice, huh? I feel good about the direction of our country right now. But season 2 was one of the best seasons, so he’s not all that wrong.

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell held his tongue for four years during his tenure as the Bush Administration’s chief foreign policy officer, faithfully toeing the party line when he was asked to do so. It was Powell who made the now infamous Iraq war presentation in front of the U.N. Security Council, forcefully declaring the case for war. Of course, the evidence in that presentation has turned out to be nearly universally false and as a result Powell’s credibility has been forever damaged. While it is not certain how much he knew was false before he gave the speech, all indications are that he considers it the low point of his political career, as he told Barbara Walters in 2005.

Still, Powell’s resignation from Bush’s cabinet does not mean he’s given up political posturing altogether. Two years ago he called two Senators to voice his opposition to the nomination of John Bolton as US Ambassador to the UN. Today, he formally opposed another hot-button Bush project: the military detention camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

It is indeed what our system is about, Mr. Powell, but try telling that to President W.

It’s unclear whether Powell’s remarks come as an attempt to atone for past sins or as an earnest attempt to speak out about important matters of state. It is however very clear that Powell has not lost his grasp on the concept of international relations.

Seems like a pretty basic principle of diplomacy. When you’re trying to present yourselves as the world’s leader on freedom and democracy, it comes off extremely hypocritical to gleefully suspend the rights of others in a systematic fashion. Still, some others on the right just aren’t getting it.

Huckabee’s remarks are predictably moronic. I guess “every consideration” does not include stuff like access to attorneys. That would be going above and beyond, I suppose. And while I’m sure he’s right that the treatment the Gitmo detainees receive is super peachy keen, his argument that we should keep them in Guantanamo because otherwise they’ll be flying planes into buildings is total hogwash. If they are criminals, they can be convicted of crimes. If they are not criminals, they should be let free. As Powell said, that is indeed what our system is about.

Liberals, like myself for example, like to blame the Bush Administration for a lot of stuff. Usually, we’re justified in doing so. Powell’s comments today and Huckabee’s response to them made me think of something else we can righteously pin on Bush: were it not for the warmongers in the White House enlisting Powell as their invasion salesman four years ago, we might now have a Republican presidential candidate that knows their ass from a hole in the ground. Instead, they ruined his career.

Thanks, Bush Administration. You dickholes.

It is a difficult prospect to wrap your brain around. How could Bush possibly look like a good president ever again? The answer is simple. It has been sitting right in front of us the entire time. Dennis Milligan, the new chairman of the Arkansas Republican Party, broke it down.

Um, wait. Doesn’t that mean Bush would have failed? Give me a minute for me to figure this out. So, you’re saying that if terrorists kill people in the US, then we should thank our lucky asses that Bush was in office? But Bush said he was fighting them over there so that they don’t kill us here. And what about the dead people? Should they be mad at Clinton?

I’m going to create a scenario here in hopes of wrapping my brain around this. Okay, I’m a guy living in Bend, Indiana. I work at Dunkin’ Donuts. Two kids. I complain to all the guys at the bar about my wife but I love her dearly because I have low self-worth and don’t think anyone else would take me. We are both fat.

I originally supported Bush because he looked good on the news and he said he was going to get those fuckers who attacked our towers. They attacked America, even though it was the part full of queers and Jews, I was still pretty pissed. So we invaded Afghanistan because they attacked us. Then we invaded Iraq because they attacked us. But then we started losing and I got bummed out. We’re supposed to win! And fast, like a couple of weeks. Bing, bang, in - out. That's how war is now. I don’t like losing. Now I don’t like Bush. But at least he kept them terrorists from killing anyone here. I still don’t think he’s a good president, though.

BOOM! Holy shit! They blew up the Staples Center in Los Angeles. I’m pissed, even though it was full of queers and Jews. Bush just came on the TV and said he was going to get those fuckers! Hell, yes, he is. And I support him fully. As a matter of fact, I was wrong about not supporting Bush and now I…

Sometimes I put three dot in, like this...when I talk. I don’t know why I do that. Anyway, when the fuck is the greatest president ever going to bomb Iran?

Oh. That does work.

David Hicks is the most glaring example of how poorly the Bush administration is handling their War on Terrorism. The Australian was captured in December 2001 in Afghanistan and was accused of conspiracy to commit war crimes; attempted murder by an unprivileged belligerent; and aiding the enemy. The US believed Hicks had attended al-Qaeda terrorist training courses at different camps in Afghanistan.

During his imprisonment Hicks enjoyed some delightful treatment by his US torturers. He was beaten while blindfolded and handcuffed, had his head rammed into asphalt, was medicated against his will and beaten while sedated, he was forced to run in leg shackles which ripped the skin his ankles, he was deprived of sleep, he endured death threats at gunpoint, anal penetration with objects and witnessed dog attacks on other prisoners. Over his imprisonment he lost 30 pounds, even though he was physically fit when captured. Hicks became suicidal. In an affidavit, Hicks offered to provide many other instances of abuse he suffered but said he would need a “substantially longer document.”

Hicks' trial was originally to be held on January 10, 2005 but in November 2004 a Federal Court ruled that the military commissions of Guantanamo prisoners were “neither competent nor lawful.” After over a year of appeals, the Supreme Court ruled on June 26, 2006 that the military tribunals were illegal under US law and the Geneva Conventions. Hicks’ lawyers then began to pressure the Australian government to force the US to adhere to international standards for prisoners or release him.

In February 2002 Donald Rumsfeld described the prisoners who were being held at Guantanamo as "the worst of the worst." Last month, Hicks became the first Guantanamo Bay prisoner to be convicted by military tribunals. Prosecutors claimed he was a highly trained and dangerous Al Qaeda operative.

A panel of officers recommended a sentence of seven years but Hicks only received nine months. Why? Because he had already reached a plea agreement due to the idiotic and illegal actions of the Bush administration. The chief prosecutor, Air Force Col. Morris Davis, said that the lenient sentence was negotiated without his input. Oh, Hicks will also serve his sentence in his hometown in Australia.

So, now we know how our government takes care of “the worst of the worst.” They get a brutal nine-month sentence and have to serve it in their home country, in the same town they grew up in. Take that, you murderous bastard.

But the real motivation behind the sentence is revealed in the gag order. Under the agreement, Hicks was forced to state that he had never been “illegally treated” and he had to promise not to sue the US officials or ANY American citizen. These two agreements totally undermine any credibility the military tribunals ever had and any statement the Bush administration has ever made about the threat of “terrorists” being held at Guantanamo. But that is what will happen when you give a "terrorist" a light sentence to keep quiet.

The way the Bush administration has played this, they are either totally inept at prosecuting terrorists or they have botched prosecutions by torturing and thereby undermining any cases they could have made. Either way, it is a colossal fuck up by “The War President” and another reason why his love of torture is undermining the security of our country.

Even amidst the jingoistic hysteria that swept the nation briefly following the 9/11 attacks, many progressives were aghast when the USA Patriot Act was passed through Congress with barely enough time to have the legislators read the front page. Not because progressives support terrorists, as some "commentators" suggest, but because the vague wording of the law outlining limitations of how terrorists are defined and how it was to be enforced gave law enforcement far more leeway than most people, liberal or conservative, would normally be comfortable with. Since its passage it has remained a popular target for Democrats and Libertarians but more traditional conservatives have more or less stayed silent on the subject. However, that is starting to change, as poor screening based on the Patriot Act is defining refugees as terrorists and preventing their immigration to the US, some of whom fought alongside US soldiers.

Welcome to... 2002. But better late than never, and having conservatives groups support the Democratic congress as it attempts to change the Patriot Act away from its current Kafka-inspired form will be a major help in letting people know this isn't just a partisan political issue.

An example of just who is being affected by the Patriot Act clearly illustrate how poorly conceived the original language in it was.

Some thanks for helping out in Laos.

Fortunately prominent conservatives are openly talking about how the Democratic takeover will help fix this problem - something which would have been tantamount to treason in the eyes of many Republicans just a few years ago, but is a testament to the changing fortunes of team Bush.

Long overdue. It's about time this turd of a piece of legislation were put to rest and something better replaced it. Certainly the threat of terrorism is frightening and the US needs to do what it can to prevent future terrorist attacks. But the Patriot Act was the wrong answer, it was another example of a quick and easy but poorly conceived fix that did little to fix anything. Ironically, if left in its current form it will likely end up hamstringing law enforcement who use it as a justification to arrest suspected terrorists, since judicial appeals that show how their civil rights were trampled in the process could end up being the "technicality" that sets them free.

Last Tuesday, a convicted terrorist who planned to bomb the US Capitol and poison black neighborhoods was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

Haven't heard about it in the news? It might have something to do with the fact that the man convicted, Demetrius Van Crocker, a forty-year-old farmhand from Tennessee, is not a Muslim but a white, right-wing extremist.

He was arrested by the FBI in 2004 after accepting explosives and a decoy Sarin canister from undercover agent Steve Burroughs.

Though he was convicted in April, and only recently sentenced, his story has been relegated to the back pages of small local papers, completely unnoticed by the mainstream and conservative media. Even the terrorism-obsessed Little Green Footballs has ignored the story.

Both the administration and the media have turned less into victories for the war on terror, so why isn't this conviction getting as much attention as it deserves? One would think that if Crocker was instead a Muslim this story would get non-stop media attention or the administration would release a self-congratulatory victory statement while hastily jetting Crocker down to Guantanamo Bay.

Yet another blow came to the Bush administration today, as a federal judge has struck down portions of an executive order that gave the president absolute authority in determining whether a group was a "terrorist organization."

The decision came as the result of two groups which filed lawsuits complaining about their classification as "terrorist organization." The two groups, the Liberation Tigers (also known as the "Tamil Tigers") from Sri Lanka and the Partiya Karkeran Kurdistan in Turkey, complained that their status had no recourse to be changed and they were permanently labeled as "terrorists" as a result. The problem with the unilateral authority for classifying groups as terrorists laying with the president is that it allows for making this designation solely for political purposes. The US has sought to strengthen its ties with the Turkish government ever since 9/11, with Turkey being one of the few nominally pro-Western Islamic countries, as well as providing a strategic location for launching military forces into the Middle East. While Kurds fighting for independence has little relevance to American domestic terror concerns, labeling pro-Kurdish separation groups as "terrorists" provides a political boon to the Bush administration at little cost.

It works domestically as well. Organizations like the Earth Liberation Front have been classifed as "terrorist" groups—along with all the Patriot Act nonsense that goes along with it, despite their not having caused any injuries or deaths in their operational history. But conservatives love to rail against groups like ELF and so they could be satisfied by the president's designation of the group as terrorist.

Clearly the US needs to do what it can to stop terrorism (although addressing the root causes of that terrorism might be another place to start) but that can only be done when groups are attacked from the perspective of law enforcement rather than politics. Taking that power away from the president will help to make this more of a legitimate enterprise as well as helping law enforcement (who have to investigate all terrorist targets, real or imagined) focus on more imminent threats.

As so many adopt the requisite "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" approach to the rise of Islamist reich, Glenn Beck manages to secrete "Exposed: The Extremist Agenda" onto CNN. See it now before YouTube yanks it.



The threat is out there. It is huge. It is ugly and it wants to kill you.

Wake up.

Congressman-elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) hasn't had the easiest road to public office. Being the very first muslim member of Congress in US history, he's had the privelige of enduring a hatchet job from Newsweek, as well as having to endure the oft cited vitriol of professional internet troll and conservative David Horowitz. But defying the odds, he won Minnesota's fifth district by a massive margin (beating out the next highest ranking candidate by over 30% of the vote) and is now set to change history. But he'll have to get over a few more stumbling blocks along the way, including some absolutely outrageous comments from CNN talk show host Glenn Beck, who decided to ask him to "prove he's not working with our enemies."

The man just got elected to Congress for Christ's sake, and he's already being questioned by conservative media hosts about his patriotism? It's hard to tell whether Beck is incredibly malicious or just woefully ignorant. There are currently several million Muslims (the exact number is hard to pin down) currently living in the United States, and well over a billion worldwide. Does that mean that they're all "our enemies" (including the ones currently living in the US?) That every single one should be subject to the ridiculous suspicions of people like Beck? This man is a piece of filth, he's a good indication of how racism and bias are still happily residing in the US, they've just managed to go far enough beneath the surface that it can take a little jostling before they're in plain view.

The shit may be about to hit the fan at Fox News. Their right wing nut viewers may not be too pleased when they learn that that Palestinian terror groups received $2 million from a “US source” (cough, cough, Fox) in exchange for two lame ass Fox News employees. Apparently Fox did not get the memo that all their employees are expendable.

A senior leader of the terrorist organization Popular Resistance Committees revealed the money was used to buy weapons, including rockets. The organization has attacked Israeli communities near Gaza on numerous occasions with shootings, bombings and rocket attacks.

The leader believes the payout will lead to more kidnappings by Palestinian terrorists. The PLO has confirmed that the money was exchanged for the release of the two reporters. The leader also claimed the money came from the US. A Fox News source confirmed it was possible that money was paid. The reporters were kidnapped in August and held for two weeks. During their captivity they were forced to convert to Islam at gunpoint – something Jesus would have never done.

Fox News ratings have already been plummeting for more than a year. Pathetically, the Fox website has turned to T and A to drum up business.


Get yer dicks out, it's Fox News!

The fact that the network helped terrorists buy new, big, pretty weapons shouldn’t go over too well with the right wing nut bags.