The Republican Party is coming apart at the seams. What a shame. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of douchebags. It really is a joy to watch extremists take over a party and attack anyone who offers a stray thought. Looking back, this was inevitable. Keeping religious nuts, big business and people scared of terrorists all under one roof was doomed to fail. It's like pedophiles and rapists going in on a van together. Turns out, they have different priorities.

The great part of this story is it is Sarah Palin’s doing. She’s the chosen one, the lady Jesus, who turned a big flashlight on how crazy and stupid the religious faction of the GOP really are. She was forced on John McCain by the religious right, without considering that she would sink the campaign because she is a lying, corrupt idiot. All they saw in her was sweet Jesus. The religious right finally did something to scare away sensible, traditionally conservative Republicans.

Traditional Republicans are now understanding they are in league with anti-intellectual fanatics. It's the first time they have actually been a little freaked out by their own party. It just took a while, and Sarah Palin, to get here. Hilariously, this is Reagan’s fault. He is the one who began bringing the nuts into the party –– and just like his economic plan to de-regulate everything has been exposed this year as an economic clown car, the same can be said for bringing in the religious nuts. Eventually they were going to stop playing nice and go for what they really wanted.

For years, traditional Republicans put up with some serious idiots –– because their lunacy wasn’t harmful. Jerry Falwell being upset with a gay Teletubby. Pat Robertson praying for someone to blow up the State Department. Pat Hagee saying New Orleans was destroyed because of gays. No harm there. They were, just religious freaks being religious freaks. As long as Republicans were able to get their business shit done, the fanatics served their purpose. Over the years, the Republican Party moved farther and farther to the right.

Bush was the ultimate creation of the two groups. He’s a religious nut, but he also drops on his knees to take the sweet cock of big business whenever he can. Bush is from a big business family. He’s spent his life around big business, so he knows where his true loyalty lies. Sure, he’s still a born-again who thinks he was chosen by God, but he’s packed the courts with judges who favor corporations –– not judges who only care about religion. In the end, Bush was an insider. He was raised in a well-connected, very wealthy, political family. He found God later in life. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is one of them. And that shit is scary to many traditional Republicans.

She isn’t from a politically connected family. She did not come from wealth. She’s straight out of the church. And it’s a church with some scary connections. She and her kind talk about “real America,” which simply means, “Christians.” The people who believe America was founded as a Christian nation.

With the nomination of Sarah Palin, sensible Republicans went from being the users to possibly being used –– and they do not care for that idea. This is the religious right's attempt to flip the table, but it has been a massive failure. In every state, the same phrase is being used by long time Republicans: “She scares me.” In poll after poll, Americans say the number one reason people are not choosing McCain is Sarah Palin.

Today, the Republicans Party is a disaster. It is a great schism. Evangelicals now make up more than half the party –– and 23% of all voters. Moderates have been driven from the party, and now Goldwater Republicans may be following. Traditional Republicans will not side with the religious nuts if they want someone like Sarah Palin. And make no mistake about it –– they do. A recent poll breaks it down.

That’s 35% for a business-minded Republican and 46% for a religious nut. Come 2012, they will not stand by and allow a non-religious nut to get the nomination. They will remember what happened with Sarah Palin and how many Republicans blamed her for McCain’s undoing. They will attack members of their own party the way they have attacked Democrats for years. They have already begun the purge. They are and will continue to destroy any chances the Republicans have of winning the presidency for years to come. They have no idea they are a minority. Traditional Republicans do, and that’s why they used them for so long. But then the minions crossed a line.

And what a glorious line it is.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters. Come see him at the San Jose Improv this Saturday and Sunday.

For years I have listened to right wing lunatics, like Rush Limbaugh, describe a liberal who does not exist. Right wing radio is full of non-stop blathering about what Liberals think and say, usually without documentation of any sort. Basically, the right wing has created a Frankenstein type monster, made of up liberal parts. It is the Frankenliberal and it serves one function: To keep the right wing hordes afraid and active, always working against their common enemy.

The Frankenliberal wants to abort all babies three days before they are born, and then toss them in dumpsters. He wants to lose the war because he hates the troops and loves the Iraqis. He wants to hug and talk to al Qaeda, instead of fight them. He hates America. He lives to slander America. He will do anything to make sure the Palestinians destroy Israel. He wants to teach sex education to children. He wants gays to be able to have sex anywhere, anytime and probably in front of children. He believes that most people are stupid and should be cared for at all times. He wants the government to do everything, except go to war. He thinks illegal immigrants should be able to do whatever they want. His taxes can’t be high enough. He has no morality. He is a socialist. He hates all religion, but especially Christianity. He wants to take away everyone’s guns. He wants to discriminate against whites to help minorities. He hates all rich people and wealth.

On and on the list goes. If you are a liberal, think of the most insane position you can, and Limbaugh has probably told his audience that's what you believe. That's all they do on AM radio.

O'Reilly

Hawkins.

Limbaugh.

Savage.

On and on they go. Blah blah blah, day after day. Never mind that this person they so fear does not exist. They’ve taken some random person’s opinion here and some random person’s opinion there and placed them altogether in the Frankenliberal; a giant, scary monster to terrify their right wing audiences. And it’s very effective.

But there is no liberal politician that holds those beliefs. You won’t find one. The collection of accusations is so insane or fantastical it is amazing anyone actually believes it. Of course, that appears to not be true for the right wing. They appear to have found a person who embodies the most frightening ideas the left can conjure up: Sarah Palin.

Over and over again, I have heard right-wingers say they love Palin because she makes liberals crazy. Wow, great reason to support a candidate. You must be proud. Of course, they have their own beliefs explaining why we hate Palin.

The right wing blogs are littered with that kind of simplistic and juvenile thinking. But I won’t disagree with them on this point: I am scared shitless of Palin ever becoming president, because she is the Frankenright-winger. She is the exact opposite of everything I believe – to an extreme.

She believes we are fighting a religious war in Iraq.

She doesn’t believe in abortion, even in cases of rape or incest.

She wants to expand the powers of the Vice Presidency.

She does not believe man is responsible for global warming.

She received a church blessing to keep her safe from “witchcraft.”

She believes in religion over science.

She was raised in a church that takes the book of Revelations literally and believes the endtimes will come during our lifetime.

She puts special interests (Oil) before the environment and sound science.

She believes in book banning.

She tried to have the polar bear removed from the endangered species list.

I mean, come on, the fucking polar bear. She is literally the right wing lunatic we fear in our worst dreams. A religious lunatic who appears to make decisions based on what she thinks God wants and seems to have an aversion to any book that is not The Bible. After years of running around making shit up about what liberals believe and what they don’t’, the right wing has chosen a woman who is cartoonishly conservative. And it is quickly becoming a major anchor in their campaign.

Imagine if the Democrats had chosen an equally extreme candidate? The right wing would be losing their minds. That Frankenliberal they so love to talk about has never, and will never, be chosen as a Democratic candidate, mostly because he’s not real. But also because the Democratic Party wouldn’t stand for a lunatic as their VP. Unfortunately, the right wing nuts seem to be using liberal’s fear of Palin to continue to Frankenliberal myth. On and on it goes….

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Picking Asshole Fuckfaces is not easy. It can be quite stressful and, in my case, has led to the end of 16 marriages. So, to help with the stress, every Thursday night I grab a soak at my local public hot tub joint. I sit, with several other naked dudes, enjoying the hotness of the water and the occasional bubble. Last night was special because David Brooks joined me in the liquid warmth. He quietly and calmly explained his opinions on the Vice Presidential debate and when he was done, I looked him in the eyes and said, “You do realize you are one of the biggest Asshole Fuckfaces of all time, right?” David then turned his back to me, which is weird when you are two guys in a hot tub. I told him his behavior would not change my decision. He wept.

For this Asshole Fuckface Roundup, I have to take you through David's summary of the VP debate. He is the sole Asshole Fuckface of the week. Let’s start with his love of the walk.

One wonders why she even had to continue with the debate at that point, it was such an exceptional walk. One also wonders how a columnist could pen that sentence and not follow it up by immediately downing a shot of whiskey, picking up a revolver and sending a slug though his brain.

Sadly, the sentence was not complete.

Boom! You've been first-named. Welcome to second place, bitch!

I’m glad David brought up the glory of the assertive salesman. I, for one, when greeted by a first-naming, assertive salesman, will bow down and struggle not to address him as, “My Lord.” First naming is a shocking example of leadership that is rarely seen in this world. Obviously, legends will be told and songs will be sung about this epic Palin moment.

Oooo, I’m on the edge of my seat. Can the governor of a state complete a sentence? We all wondered so, in this tense moment after the power walk and first-naming. Obviously, we had all forgotten about our group orgasm just one month ago, when she gave the greatest speech since Reagan at the RNC.

Exactly! And that is what we so desire in a leader! Someone who talks like Lou the mechanic or Linda the waitress. We don’t want someone to talk down to us, like they know stuff, or have an education. Keep it simple. That is exactly what a writer in the New York Times, the most respected American newspaper of all time, should hope for. He, of all people, shouldn’t hope for an elevation of intellectual speech or ideas.

Yes! Norman Rockwell was probably as simple as his paintings. When he was painting, he probably spoke out loud, “Dog pulling down pants.” “Boy doesn’t like dentist.” “He’s eating corn.” Rockwell certainly didn’t enjoy a robust conversation, as much as he loved simplistic phrases meant to touch the lowest baseline of our intellect. And comparing Norman to Sarah Palin is very appropriate because he created so many paintings about 15 year old girls being raped and having to keep the baby because abortion was illegal. Good old Norman.

I do love a “never-ending flow of words.” Of course, I call it “babbling,” but I think we are on the same page. And I was warmed by her fearlessness, which was especially evident by her repeated, and often distracting, reading of her cue cards. And I completely agree with David that her bemusement was a delightful quality. When people ask me what I look for in a presidential candidate, I always say, “Strength, honor, honesty, knowledge and lots o’ bemusement.”

Bemused
A adjective
1 baffled, befuddled, bemused, bewildered, confounded, confused, lost, mazed, mixed-up, at sea.

Yes, there is no greater quality to look for in the possible leader of a nation.

Please. Thank you. We out here in America are so tired of candidates with their “I’m so serious about the financial meltdown, Iraq, terrorism, health care and immigration” nonsense. Lighten it up. Give us a smile. Act bemused. This is the highest position in our country she could have, after all. Turn that frown upside down. At the very least, after talking about your dead child and wife, give us a wink. It’s “folksy!”

THANK YOU! I never thought anyone would make this obvious point! Look, in 1984, we were all in suits. It was WAY before casual Fridays. Casual Fridays basically changed America. Up until that point we wanted a female leader who was pretty darn serious, but after casual Fridays were introduced, we realized we just wanted a lady who says, “Gosh darn it” a lot. Same with “boxers or briefs.” Don’t get me started on “boxers or briefs” and how that has changed America! I’m going to save it for the book!

And how. She made a really big house out of not having done a whole lot in her life. That’s called leadership, for those of you keeping track.

We’ve been waiting for some brave soul to take on an entire coast of the United States. And here she is, our brave soul from the Northwest, condescending and ridiculing an entire coast. Brava! And she’s not afraid to use peoples FIRST NAMES! Honestly, I’ve never seen anything like it. It was “relentlessly clear” when she called Senator Biden “Joe” that she was from another place that is NOT on the East Coast.

Relentlessly
A adverb
1: Showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace.

It’s not often you see someone being relentless with just one sentence, but Palin did so. And that is what we need in a leader; non-stop, intense first-naming and coast attacking. You've been served, Joe. And large percentage of Americans.

So true. Those of us who live in the “hammock states” are now tremendously excited about Sarah Palin. My father, who only wears Vans, a loose T-shirt and Baja shorts, could not be more impressed.

Thank the sweet Lord! Throughout this entire presidential campaign, I’ve been waiting for someone to stand up, hoist a thumb over their shoulder and say, “What the heck is that?” at the past 8 years. Cause seriously, what is it? You tell me, because I don’t know. All I know is it is a bit curious and now somebody speaks for me on the subject.

Ding. Ding. Ding. Hello? How was this not discussed at length by the “pundits?” Do you know how many letters are in that name? It’s really, really hard and Sarah just said it. After she said his name, I looked at my wife and said, “She totally said that better than McCain.” My wife nodded. That’s the kind of stuff we care about. We’re Americans and we want the VP to be able to pronounce names better than the president.

Yes. And that is why John McCain should be elected president, because we are furious with Washington! We’ve had it with all of their old Washington ways! We want new fresh blood and that fresh blood’s name is McCain!

Kudos, David Brooks, Asshole Fuckface of the year. The fact that an individual writing for the New York Times could write such tripe and not be a cutter is amazing. Brooks is the ultimate example of where our country has gone wrong. The New York Times should be where we go to read intellectual opinions based not just in fact, but in reality. Brooks just created a reality where none existed. His facts are actually hopes, hopes that there is something where there is clearly nothing. The man has no shame and no respect for or understanding of the history of the newspaper for which he writes. And that’s a big deal, considering the last eight years and the current state of our country. It's nonsense like this that lead to George Bush, the Iraq War and the current economic meltdown. It's dangerous stupidity.

So, David Brooks is the sole Asshole Fuckface of the week.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

The first of one vice presidential debates will be held tonight in Saint Louis, Missouri. Most expect it to be a spectacular failure of the candidate they don’t like. The right wing has convinced itself that Joe Biden is a terrible debater and the left have convinced themselves that Sarah Palin is an idiot. While Palin is obviously an idiot, she has managed to harness her idiocy and use it as a positive in previous debates. And Joe likey to talky.

First I will start with Biden. The knock on Biden is he talks too much and is too "spontaneous."

That’s an example the press has chosen to show Biden at his worst. Please don’t pay attention to the fact that everything he said is true. Biden knows his shit, more than almost any other Senator. He’s been around for a long time, debated hundreds of times and will probably produce a sound bite. Here’s the biggest problem with the “Biden talks too much” criticism. Where did he talk too much? In presidential debates with several other candidates onstage. The point was to stand out from the herd, using your personality and your smarts. It’s completely different than this debate. He’s not trying to stand out, just be better than Palin. All he has to do is stick to the facts and appear presidential. Not hard.

There is fear he will come across as a dick against Palin. He has been practicing against Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, who has a vagina. But this debate is not constructed so that the candidates can speak to each other. They are very restricted by time and will speak to the moderator. Oh, and Obama and Biden are ahead. He has no incentive to be a dick. You know when people are dicks? When they are behind. Just take a look at last week’s McCain Obama debate. McCain spent the entire time attacking and he suffered because of it. Expect the same out of Palin, not Biden.

That’s one of the reasons Biden will win this debate. Palin has to attack and that’s very bad news for her. People don't want attacks, they want information. She is in the worst possible position. She doesn’t offer up specifics in a time when people are craving specifics. Her rise in Alaskan politics came during a time when all was well. Nobody was freaking out about the economy and foreign policy does not matter in governor’s races. Take a look at what one of her recent opponents said:

Well, that’s not true. Her greatest skill has already been taken away from her. Over the past month, she has had a couple of interviews that have shown a spotlight on her inability to be specific and produce facts. This is now considered to be her greatest weakness, but at the same time considered to be her best debating skill. She'll do it, and it will be mocked endlessly until the next McCain Obama debate. Good luck with that.

Very much so, dummy. That’s the last thing people in the US are looking for right now. The big knock on both McCain and Obama from last weeks’ debate was that they did not offer enough specifics on the economic meltdown. Now she is going to offer up an entire debate of fluff. Her base will love it. The rest of America will grow more concerned at her lack of substance.

The big difference between her run for governor and her run for vice president is that the media and everyone else is looking for her to produce nothing. The sharks are in the water, smelling blood and that blood is the vacant words that come from Palin’s mouth. I would expect a few follow-ups by Gwen Ifill, attempting to get Palin to be more specific, but she will continue to dodge. Against the specifics of Biden, she will look vacant and, worst of all, like a female George Bush.

And that brings me to Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Manchester United Football Club. Ferguson is the master of getting into other manager’s heads and the referees, as well. Just last week, when the Red Devils were preparing to play the Bolton Wanderers, Ferguson said a particular Bolton player deserved his reputation as the dirtiest player in the Premier League. This does two things: It gets inside the players head and effects his normal play on the field and it gets inside the referees head, unconsciously making him scrutinize the player more. The conservatives are doing that with the moderator as I write.

Ifill has a book coming out called, The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama. The right wing is claiming she is biased and should not be moderating the debate.



Wow, that’s really biased, huh? It’s called straight up journalism and the right wing wouldn’t know it if it crawled into their ass and opened a Starbucks. Turns out one can write a book about the rise of a new type of minority politician and not have it be an endorsement of a candidate. The right wing minions are falling for it and are frothing at the mouth.

This isn’t about the truth; it’s about setting the playing field. It's straight out of the Ferguson playbook. Ifill will be affected by the attacks, whether they are true or not. Her professionalism and impartiality is at stake and there is nothing more important to a quality journalist. So, I would not expect her to be as tough as she would have been three days ago. Chalk that up as a victory for the right wing.

I wouldn’t expect this debate to be a game changer. Palin will appeal to idiots with her non-answer answers. Biden will appeal to people with intelligence, who can handle a complex thought. This is a debate that will pull on people’s deepest instincts. Do you want someone smart to take care of you, or do you want someone warm and comforting?

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Ahead of tomorrow evening's vice presidential debate, some kind soul has just posted footage on YouTube of lamb-to-the-slaughter Sarah Palin doing the thing she does best: playing the flute.

Before you get too excited, she really is just playing the flute, and badly at that, but she still seems more competent at blowing hot air across the opening of a long hard instrument than anything else we've recently seen her do.

Looking forward to your comments below. Please, don't hold back.

Fine election season apparel for the kids.












Thanks to Phil Gough of Common Sense for the inspiration.

I have to say it is pure joy to watch Sarah Palin’s political career peak and turn to dust in a matter of weeks. It’s actually hard to believe just 27 days ago Sarah Palin stepped on stage at the Republican National Convention and tickled the GOP’s balls. Holy shit, were they excited. It was almost like Jesus had come back in hot housewife form. And to be honest, they should have been excited because they finally had someone on their ticket who was alive.

But those days are over. Sarah Palin was awesome when nobody knew anything about her, but now she is a horrifying prospect. The blame obviously lays at John McCain’s feet for not vetting her and allowing the Christian Right to force a pathetic VP on him. The lack of vetting led to a couple of amazing weeks of information.

First we learned she kills moose. That is, of course, awesome and would be really important if we were some sort of Donner Party stuck in the Alaskan wilderness. Unfortunately, we are a country and killing moose is tragically unimportant. We then learned many other things about Sarah.

She lied about saying “no, but no thanks” to Congress about the “Bridge to Nowhere.” She left the tiny city of Wasilla with an insanely large $22 million debt. She was raised in a gay hating, tongue speaking, witch-stopping church. She tried to ban books. She abused her power by firing town employees without reason. She attempted to have her ex-brother-in-law fired from his law enforcement position and then fired the guy who wouldn’t fire him. She is against abortion in cases of rape and incest. She was mayor when the police chief began charging rape victims for their rape kits. She lied about visiting Ireland. She did not own a passport until 2006. She did not leave the country until 2007. She thinks being near Russia makes her important. It's like an idiot buffet.

Then came the interviews. First Charlie Gibson.



It is generally believed reporters should not have to explain basic facts to vice presidential candidates. She came across as someone who did not know what she was talking about. Mostly because she did not know what she was talking about.

The next interview was with Katie Couric.



She’s gonna bring ‘em to ya!



Russia's right next to her state –– a mere 58 miles across a body of water.



It’s got to be all about job creation!

And she’s not even drunk, like George Bush. That’s just how her brain works. Of course, conservatives began to freak out once they really got a good look at how her brain works. David Brooks wrote...

And now they are beginning to push for her to leave the ticket. The Conservative columnist Kathleen Parker didn’t hold back.

The National Review’s Kathryn Jean Lopez doesn’t think it’s such a bad idea.

But it’s not going to happen. McCain has completely blown it. The election will be over Thursday night at 7:30 PST. At this point, both Biden and the moderator will try to catch Palin with a subject she doesn’t know about. Based on what we are seeing, it won’t be hard. The only way to get out of this mess is to replace Palin before Thursday, but that would also destroy McCain’s campaign, for three reasons.

* Destroys base morale.
* No obvious alternative.
* McCain has overplayed the “game-changer” card.

Welcome to the no-win Palin meltdown. Palin was like a Trojan horse with a thermo-nuclear device inside. McCain could have had a slim shot at the White House without her, but with her, he’s fucking toast.

And I'd like to personally thank Republicans for not choosing Romney, because if he had, Democrats would lose this election. With the current economic crisis, Romney would be talking circles around Obama.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Hilary once appeared to be the perfect candidate for feminist voters –– intelligent, determined, and dedicated in her pursuit of valiant social causes like children's welfare and women's equality. Hilary was also the first first lady in American history to have a postgraduate degree and a full-time career.

She didn't manage it. Twice! Ouch. Obama picked Biden. So what about the new girl? Perhaps it would be sexist to view Palin as a Hilary replacement, but we can't help but wonder if the force that would invigorate the McCain vote was chosen for just that reason.

No one can accuse Palin of spending too much time baking. Her power-hungry appetite would be better satiated by abusing her position and firing anyone who gets in her way. Anne Kilkenny, Wasilla resident, tells it like it is.

This is hardly a one-off case. Sarah seems to have a history of ruthlessness, whilst playing on her gender for sympathy. Too bad she tried to replace her victim with someone even worse.

Her staunch pro-life stance, even in the case of rape, would suggest that she doesn't seem to be interested in assuring women can make their own choices

She's chosen to be a working mother but she would deny other women the right to make their own decisions, and has even used her own underage, pregnant daughter as a political pawn for her own views. She even lied about it. She wants to abstinence-only sex education taught in schools. Because that worked out so well for her own family.

She knows how to spend! (... other peoples' money.) She served two terms as mayor of Wasilla (1996-2002) and left the city with a debt of over $22 million, having increased general government expenditure by over 33%. I've heard she has the decorating skills and moral fibre reminiscent of a young Martha Stewart...

Easy on the gold leaf, Sarah. Damn, that's expensive wallpaper!

So far, she doesn't seem like much of a feminist. But look at it another way. Hunting hardly seems the kind of activity befitting a dull stay-at-home Stepford wife. She used the tools handed her to get what she wanted out of life –– an education. Sometimes a girl gotta hustle.

For some reason, she spent 5 years in 4 schools getting her degree. Perhaps it took her that many schools to find people she could threaten. Or put her beauty-pageant skills to work on.

And lastly, HERE's a video of Sarah and Hilary (sort of) standing side by side on Saturday Night Live, calling for an end to political sexism. Kinda.

For a man who spent five years in a POW prison, McCain sure is a relentless pussy. He’s having a big boo hoo party over America’s questioning of his moronic VP pick, Sarah Palin. Apparently, if you pick on poor, little Sarah, you are being a sexist. Never mind that she is supremely unqualified to be president of the United States, any criticism is all about her having a vagina.

The mighty Republican Party, longtime defenders of women’s rights, are now hitting the airwaves claiming the only reason people are attacking Sarah Palin is because she is a woman. Please ignore the Troopergate scandal, the fact that she is married to a traitor and was at one time a traitor herself, lied about visiting Ireland, didn’t travel out of the country until two years ago, belongs to an insanely backwards church, thinks 11-year-olds who were raped by their father should be forced to give birth, used government money to fund a “cure gays” organization, tried to ban books, abused her power by firing people who opposed her views or divorced her sister, believes Iraq is a war being fought for God, and has a preacher who claimed voting for John Kerry would send you to hell. None of those things are relevant for baby time McCain. If you criticize Sarah Palin, it’s because she’s a woman with a pregnant daughter.

See, the pregnant daughter situation is off limits. You can tell that from this video of John McCain greeting the father and mother of the fetus in Minnesota.



That’s what one does when they want such a private situation to stay private; they bring reporters to take photos of the guy who shot his goo into the 17-year-old girl. Also, when one doesn’t want anyone to talk about the pregnancy situation, they come out to the media and break the story of their own daughter’s unwed pregnancy. Parading said couple around at the Republican National Convention? Totally cool. After all, it is a private situation. That’s why the soon-to-be husband of the 17-year-old daughter has been hastily flown in to be paraded around– because they need their privacy. Remember, if you bring this up, you are being sexist.

See, playing the “gender card” is totally cool, as opposed to when Obama supporters claimed McCain was playing the “race card” after he created ads that had obvious racial overtones. That was different. I guess because Obama has a penis and black skin, while Palin has a vagina and white skin. If anybody dared say that McCain’s ads were racist, he and his people screamed that Obama was playing the “race card.” It was soooo offensive. But now, when anyone dares to question Palin’s obvious lack of qualifications and bizarre beliefs, they are sexist. McCain is a weak, clownish pussy who can’t stand up and take any sort of heat.

But the most amusing part of this story is that Obama has gone out of his way to say “families are off limits.” Most Democrats are avoiding the topic of her pregnancy and trying to talk about the multitude of other problems with Palin. She’s a walking disaster, so it’s not difficult. But whenever someone brings up just one of the multitude of problems with Palin, the McCain camp screams like children that Democrats and the “liberal media” are attacking Palin’s “private life” because she is “a woman.” It’s laughable and quite sickening. The Republicans are using a 17-year-old girls horrible situation for their own political advantage. They are now driving the story of the girl’s pregnancy, using her as bait and creating a victim story of their own making.

The victim here is a young unwed couple who were outed by Republicans and are now being used in the biggest game on Earth. McCain and his people are complete and total scum.

And insane hypocrites. Right-wingers jumped out of their panties when Jamie Lynn Spears announced she was pregnant. That was a glaring example of our societies decay, but Bristol Palin’s pregnancy is a celebration of the pro-life cause and should not be discussed for any reason. Certainly not because her mother is using her as a pawn as she attempts to win the vice presidency.

John McCain is a coward. Real men stand up and defend the choices they have made; they don’t make excuses and use children in horrible situations as pawns to fulfill their ambitious desires. Real men also don’t play the gender card and make claims that certain topics should be off limits, when they are guilty of far worse behavior.

See, that’s sexism, McCain. Attacking a teenage girl for her looks. What a fucking coward. Oh, and real men don’t make jokes about women loving rape.



He’s a scumbag, pure and simple. And he’s weak. Weak for allowing the religious lunatics of his party to make his vice presidential choice for him.

Bending over for those he used to fight against.

But I guess that’s why he spent five years in a POW camp, suffering inhumanly for five years, so someday he could run for president and not stand by his convictions. Any real man who goes through a horrifying experience comes to understand that life is about not doing what you feel is right and allowing others to make your most important decisions. It's true. Torture apparently just makes one a groveling bitch for the religious right. At this point, I am more disgusted by McCain because he was a POW. What man doesn’t walk away from something like that with some personal conviction? What man doesn’t walk away from 5 years of torture and say, “I’m going to live my life the way I want.” A man like John McCain, I guess. Full of ambition and weak to the core.

There’s your teenage-girl attacking, rape joke making, using teenage girls as a pawn war hero. Feel the pride, Republicans.

I should also ad that I was not going to vote for McCain or Obama, but McCain's choice of Palin as VP has forced me to rethink that decision. I will now reluctantly cast my vote for Obama. She is that frightening of a human being. Palin is a religious lunatic of the highest caliber. I see no difference between the Taliban and Neanderthals like Palin.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper, and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Yes, I wrote that headline. Mostly because it’s true. In the most cynical Vice Presidential choice I have ever seen, McCain picked a woman, simply because she is a woman. In doing so, he overlooked many other conservative women who are far more qualified to be Vice President. McCain chose Sarah Palin because she’s attractive and she hates abortion. I honestly can’t think of another reason to select this walking disaster of a choice.

McCain is obviously going for the disgruntled Hillary voters. Picking Palin will possibly earn him precious few Hillary voters, while turning off millions of independents. Palin's inexperience is astounding, unless you count her awesome time in as city council member and mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The town had a massive population of 7,738 people. She ran for governor in 2006 and won, mostly because Alaska is a backwards land full of idiots. Palin has been governor for less than two years – and now John McCain has selected her to be vice president of the United States. Considering McCain is so old he could die at any moment, this is a stunningly pathetic choice for vice president. Let’s just look at the past 36 hours.

It was discovered that Palin lied on Friday when she claimed to have opposed Alaska’s famous “bridge to nowhere.”

We also learned Palin was a member of an Alaskan secessionist group in the early '90s and apparently still thinks it’s a great idea to stay connected. Here she is addressing the Alaskan Independence Party's 2008 convention.



What does the Alaskan Independence Party want? The same things any crazy lunatic wants.

Oh, good. Worthwhile effort.

Also, Palin admitted yesterday that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.

Yes, she will grow up faster than ever planned, especially because you just agreed to be John McCain’s running mate, putting your daughter and her pregnancy in the nation’s spotlight. You are a genuine and caring woman for putting your child in front of a bloodthirsty American media. Wonderful values you have there.

By all means, throw the kid to the sharks. That’s what a good Christian does. Ambition first, kids second. Oh, and this news probably won’t help the abstinence only cause.

And bestest of all, Sarah Palin just hired a lawyer because she is about to be deposed by a special investigator.

The special investigator’s report is due on October 31st. That makes some fantastic timing for the election. Genius move on McCain’s part. Even if it clears her, you can be sure someone will pull something out of the report that reflects poorly on Palin. That’s how it always goes.

More than anything, this is insulting to the women who supported Hillary Clinton. McCain actually believes women will vote for him, just because he picked someone with a vagina as his running mate, even though she has the opposite political views of Hillary on every issue.

How could a Hillary supporter not climb aboad that train?

Palin is also a religious fanatic who was selected by a "cabal" of other religious fanatics.

Yes, and she is just what Hillary supporters want in a female candidate.

FAIL.

McCain is treating women like they don't have brains and he will be punished because of it. He could have picked from a number of conservative women, who would have at least appeared to have earned the selection with their accomplishments. Women like, Kathryn Ann Bailey Hutchison, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, Olympia Snowe, Christine Todd Whitman, M. Jodi Rell and Condoleezza Rice all would have made it appear as if McCain was not just looking for someone with a vagina. And nearly every one of those women are far less scandal-plagued. Up until this point I thought McCain would win the election, but I now think he will be crushed, which means I will owe Subrosa a six pack. That is very disappointing.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. You can read more of his nonsense and see a picture of Sarah Palin with her young child standing over a dead animal on his blog, Stop All Monsters.

I’m not exactly a fan of traditional beauty pageants, but the upside is they’re supposed to provide a steady legion of Stepford women who are supposed to enjoy travel and looking after animals and children. John McTainted’s newly announced vice-presidential running mate Sarah Palin is the exception to this rule. Palin won the Miss Wasilla title in 1984 and placed second in the Miss Alaska competition, but she’s no ordinary beauty queen.

There’s no doubt Palin loves kids (in a soap opera-worthy plot twist a recent DailyKos blog post even alleges she claimed her 16-year old daughter’s child as her own), but she perhaps takes it a little far; The pro-lifer even opposes abortion in the case of rape and incest.

Her personal experience beyond U.S. borders is also seriously lacking; The flat-earther (she supports teaching Creationism alongside evolution in schools) got her first passport in 2007, and has traveled to a grand total of three countries outside the United States (Germany, Ireland and Kuwait).

As for her attitude towards animals –– just ask a polar bear –– she’s their public enemy number one. In May of this year, Palin vowed to fight the Bush administration’s decision to place the great white beasts on the endangered species list since it interfered with her cronies lust for fresh Alaskan oil from beneath their soon-to-be-protected habitat. That makes Palin, who doesn’t believe that man is responsible for climate change, even less eco-friendly than George W. Bush –– quite an achievement.

If you need more reasons not to like Palin consider this: She’s a member of the NRA and enjoys hunting. She’s opposed to same sex marriage, and even fought to prevent domestic partners from receiving health benefits. She supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, strip mining, and a multitude of other activities that are guaranteed to fuck up our planet. (Doesn’t this chick know that good planets are hard to find?)

McDesperate’s heavy-handed pandering to Hillary’s disappointed legions of supporters is an insult to their intelligence and a fine example of his poor judgment under pressure. Talk about an own goal. But though McDoofus’s V.P. choice may ultimately retard his chances of election, Palin’s rather special brand of feminism may also set back the cause of women thanks to her newly elevated profile.



Polar bear image courtesy of WWF/Geoff York.