Start The Steele Death Clock
Michael Steele is the gift that keeps giving. For those of you who dont know, Steele took over as Republican National Committee Chair a couple of months ago. At the time, I thought Steele would actually be one of the smartest choices the GOP could make. He is not as much of a religious lunatic as the others and wants to make the party more technologically savvy, so I assumed he would take the party in a smarter direction. Holy shit was I wrong. Michael Steele is a car crash falling on top of a train wreck, while being hit by an airplane. Steele has one big problem: His mouth.
The trouble started days after Steele took over. The first sign of a problem was the revelation that he is being investigated for some naughty campaign money nonsense. Nothing to worry about, unless of course you are concerned about your party chair being in jail.
Michael S. Steele, the newly elected chairman of the Republican National Committee, arranged for his 2006 Senate campaign to pay a defunct company run by his sister for services that were never performed, his finance chairman from that campaign has told federal prosecutors.
Sweet. Nothing like having the FBI investigate your new party chair. Investigations always set a good tone. As of last week, the investigation was picking up steam.
The WBAL TV 11 News I-Team is raising new questions about the campaign spending of former Maryland lieutenant governor and U.S. Senate candidate Michael Steele, as well as former Gov. Robert Ehrlich.
According to campaign records, some of the biggest payments from their accounts went to the same firm -- a Prince George's County firm that went by the name Allied Berton, LLC.
The firm's Web site said it was in the business of trading commodities, such as minerals, metals, coffee and sugar. But the campaign payments it received, according to the candidates' accounting, were for a wide range of other activities, according to campaign filings.
Steele's Senate campaign made four payments to Allied Berton in October and November 2006 totaling more than $64,000. Each of those expenses was listed as political consulting, according to campaign filings.
Um. When I said, consulting, I meant coffee. So, lets just move along.
Ordinarily, this would be some sort of red flag, but the Republicans probably see it as a sign of hope. The guy was committing campaign fraud, which is a resume builder for the GOP. If only Michael had stopped there, it would have been perfect. But fortunately for us, he has been enjoying as much time in front of the cameras and microphones as possible. Just a couple weeks into the job, Steele explained what kind of changes the GOP needed to make.
We need messengers to really capture that region -- young, Hispanic, black, a cross section ...We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings.
But, he elaborated with a laugh, we need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.
There goes the one-armed midget vote. Not exactly an eloquent pitch, and it actually sounds, you know, stupid. Not that I dont think the conservative suburban hip-hop vote is huge. It obviously is, though not as big as the conservative urban hip-hop vote. That shit is crazy large. Sure, his statement was not that big of a deal, but it was a sign of things to come. It was the sign of a man who is a bit too loose with what comes out of his dumb hole.
Steele followed up his midget/hip-hop moment with some hilarious comments about Bobby Jindals ethnic background during an interview with Curtis Sliwa broadcast on ABC Radio:
SLIWA: Now, using a little bit of that street terminology, are you giving him any Slum love, Michael?
STEELE: (laughter)
SLIWA: Because he is when guys look at him and young women look at him they say oh, that's the slumdog millionaire, governor. So, give me some slum love.
STEELE: I love it. (inaudible) ... some slum love out to my buddy. Gov. Bobby Jindal is doing a friggin' awesome job in his state. He's really turned around on some core principles like hey, government ought not be corrupt. The good stuff ... the easy stuff.
Ha ha! Weeeee. Do you get it? Jindal is Indian and successful. That means hes a slumdog millionaire! All successful people from India are slum dogs. Come on, join us in making the dumbest and most racist connections possible! Of course this comment didnt upset too many Republicans, but it certainly did add to the general discomfort level with their new chair. And he was just getting started.
Next he compared being a Republican to being an alcoholic, which is an interesting choice for the head of the GOP.
I am putting the party on a 12-step program of recovery," said the RNC chair. "This is going to take some time, it is going to take some effort.
Guess what? Quite a few Republicans didnt like the leader of the party comparing them with alcoholics, mostly because hes right. Being in a 12-step program means one has to take responsibility for ones actions and that is an idea that enrages Republicans. But that was nothing compared to what Steele had in store for the GOP.
Next, Steele decided to go mano a mano with Rush Limbaugh for three whole days. While appearing on the D.L. Hughley Show, Steele let loose on the fat, three-time divorced, multi-millionaire, drug addict (see YouTube clip).
HUGHLEY: Like Rush Limbaugh, who is the de facto leader of the Republican Party.
STEELE: No, hes not.
HUGHLEY: I will tell you what
STEELE: Im the de facto leader of the Republican Party.
Uh oh, dont go there. Dont do it
STEELE: So lets put it into context here. Lets put it into context here. Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. Rush Limbaugh, his whole thing is entertainment. Yes, its incendiary. Yes, its ugly.
Oh, noes! Once a Republican criticizes Rush, you can start a countdown for the moment he will apologize and say, thats not what I meant. For Steele, it took three days. Rush took to the airwaves and attacked Steele, which caused Steele to reach out to every media outlet he could to apologize.
"My intent was not to go after Rush -- I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh. I was maybe a little bit inarticulate ...There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership. I went back at that tape and I realized words that I said weren't what I was thinking.
Right, when you said, ugly, you meant sexy, and when you said incendiary, you meant, smells like vanilla. Easy mistake to make. At this point, Steele shut down his blog, which is a weird way to get the party on par with the Democrats online, but Steele had no choice because of all the angry Republican comments. And Steele had yet to drop the big shoe.
Last week, Steele took a dagger and plunged it into his own heart.
In an interview with GQ magazine, the Republican National Committee chairman described abortion as an individual choice and said individual states should decide its legality.
Dude. You are the leader of the Republican Party. I so shouldnt have to remind you of that. I mean, didn't you notice you are the leader of crazy, religious lunatics?
Not surprisingly, many Republicans were a bit upset by the comments. Sometimes Republican ignorance of shit they should know comes to bite them in the ass. In this case they should have perhaps taken into account what I wrote about Steele and his efforts to revive the Republican Leadership Council in 2003.
RLC-PAC members consider themselves True Conservative Republicans. Republicans who believe that our elected officials have a responsibility to their constituents to spend their money wisely. We believe that government should have a limited role in Americans personal lives. And we believe in a strong national defense.
Wow. Just think if all those Republican idiots had read my column. They probably wouldnt have voted for Steele in the first place. Too bad reading isnt big on their to do list. Oh, and they voted for him because he's black.
Of course, Steele apologized for his abortion comments and said he didnt mean it and abortion is super bad, etc. But it appears to be too late. The RNC looks set to hold a no-confidence vote on March 31st, just three months after he took over the party. And three months in, Steele has still not hired senior staff, which concerns many in the party.
So, not only is he a loud mouth idiot, but he also isnt running the place well. Hes all dumb talk and no action. Thats impressive, even for a Republican. I honestly thought Steele would be the Republican's best pick. Turns out they couldnt have found a worse chair. Time to go back to the old, white racist barrel and pull out a winner. In the meantime, the chair of the Republican National Committee has decided the best thing to do is to stop talking to the press.
After two weeks of public drubbing over comments that included criticism of radio host Rush Limbaugh and a reference to abortion as a matter of individual choice, Steele is taking steps to address some of the concerns about his early gaffes. He has called a halt to his television appearances and curtailed national media interviews.
FAIL.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper
The Fat Man Is Weak
Never thought Id make this comment, but the Democrats are handling Rush Limbaugh with brutal efficiency. For many years, Democrats have been terrified of the right wing sound machine. Show after show, pundit after pundit, all using the same talking points with devastating effect. But now, the worm has turned. The exact structure and group think that made the Republicans strong is being used against them. Thats what happens when you become arrogant extremists entirely outside the mainstream of America.
Lets face it, Republicans would be nowhere near where they are now if it wasnt for 9/11. Up until that day, Bush was looking like a very unpopular president. They used the attack to crush the voice of opposition and label the Democrats as wrong on everything. America went along with it. But the scary times are over, the ship is correcting and Republicans are about to go back into their sad, angry place. Who knew Rush Limbaugh would be the key?
Rush is the biggest symbol of the Republican Party. Unfortunately for them, he is a draft dodging, three-time divorced, drug addict, multi-millionaire. Oh, and he is also an extremist. Rush was the main driving force behind the delightful Sarah Palin VP pick. It was an epic choice that freaked America out. Yet, she was and is everything that the crazy right wing lunatics want in a leader. The Palin choice showed Democrats just how out of touch and crazy Limbaugh seems to the majority of Americans. And now they are on the attack.
There you go. This is a very smart move by the Democrats. They are going to paint Rush as the leader of the Republican Party and point out the horrible comments he makes, along with his dismal record as a human being. Obama already fired a shot.
President Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill today that they need to quit listening to radio king Rush Limbaugh if they want to get along with Democrats and the new administration.
"You can't just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done," he told top GOP leaders, whom he had invited to the White House to discuss his nearly $1 trillion stimulus package.
Individual lawmakers also went after Rush.
Alan Grayson, the outspoken member from Orlando, as usual, wasn't mincing words: "Rush Limbaugh is a has-been hypocrite loser, who craves attention. His right-wing lunacy sounds like Mikhail Gorbachev, extolling the virtues of communism. Limbaugh actually was more lucid when he was a drug addict. If America ever did 1% of what he wanted us to do, then we'd all need pain killers."
Last week, Democrats began airing radio ads using Rushs own words as a wedge (Not hard to do).
Every Republican member of the House chose to take Rush Limbaughs advice, says the narrator after playing the conservative talk radio giants declaration that he hopes Obama fails.
Every Republican voted with Limbaugh and against creating 4 million new American jobs. We can understand why an extreme partisan like Rush Limbaugh wants President Obamas Jobs program to fail but the members of Congress elected to represent the citizens in their districts. Thats another matter. Now the Obama plan goes to the Senate, and the question is: Will our Senator"here the ad is tailored by state to name George Voinovich in Ohio, Arlen Specter in Pennsylvania, and John Ensign in Nevada"side with Rush Limbaugh too?
Democrats are isolating the doughboy and forcing Republicans to make a choice: Stand beside him and die or let him whither alone. So far, they are choosing to stand beside him. And you really couldnt attach yourself to a bigger anchor. He is a racist, he is a liar and worst of all he is the biggest symbol of everything Obama is against: Partisanship. America pretty much chose Obama because he said he could get Republicans and Democrats to work together. The peeps want it to happen. And Rush is the ultimate symbol of the hateful, brutal nonsense that occurred over the past 20 years. He is the big bad.
Last Tuesday, GOP Congressman Phil Gingrey of Georgia, took the bait.
"I think that our leadership, Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, are taking the right approach, Gingrey told Politico. I mean, its easy if youre Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh or even sometimes Newt Gingrich to stand back and throw bricks. You dont have to try to do whats best for your people and your party. You know youre just on these talk shows and youre living well and plus you stir up a bit of controversy and gin the base and that sort of that thing. But when it comes to true leadership, not that these people couldnt be or wouldnt be good leaders, theyre not in that position of John Boehner or Mitch McConnell."
He was, of course, being quite reasonable. But reasonable does not fly with those who now control the GOP. It took one entire day for Gingrey to get on his knees and beg forgiveness from his doughy overlord.
Because of the high volume of phone calls and correspondence received by my office since the Politico article ran, I wanted to take a moment to speak directly to grassroots conservatives. Let me assure you, I am one of you...
Regardless of what yesterdays headline may have read, I never told Rush to back off. I regret and apologize for the fact that my comments have offended and upset my fellow conservatives -- that was not my intent
.
Now more than ever, we need to articulate a clear conservative message that distinguishes our values and our approach from those of liberal Democrats who are seeking to move our nation in the wrong direction. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Newt Gingrich, and other conservative giants are the voices of the conservative movements conscience. Everyday, millions and millions of Americans -- myself included -- turn on their radios and televisions to listen to what they have to say, and we are inspired by their words and by their determination.
He also called Rush to apologize. It was pretty embarrassing.
This is a complete disaster for Republicans. Democrats will continue to point out, loudly, that Rush is an angry extremist and Republicans will continue to back him up. Republicans really have no answer for this assault. They will circle the wagons and back up Rush to their own detriment. The more they support him, the more extreme they seem. They have no system to fight this type of attack because their entire PR structure is built around no dissent, no infighting, and one voice. They are the Borg. And because of that, their own system is going to work against them.
Its a death spiral. Watch it and enjoy.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #59
Well, here we are again. Its been a long time since the last Asshole Fuckface Roundup. My minions tell me an entire week has passed, but it feels like years. Asshole Fuckfacery never slows, like time it marches forward in a constant assault on all that is good. I wish there was somene to oppose Asshole Fuckfacery, like a good guy, or a fairy. But there is no such thing. Those of us on the sidelines can only point out the Asshole Fuckfaces and mock them. Thats what my people have been doing since a couple hours before the dawn of time. (We got in early its who you know) This week I have scoured the news, once again, to find the worst of the worst. The list is rather revolting, as usual, so put on your favorite box because this is going to be ugly.
We start with some Presidential candidate Asshole Fuckfacery.
John McCain appears to be a complete and total moron. Once upon a time I believed he was just old, but now, as I look further into his past, I have come to understand he is a moron. Sure, sometimes he lies out of his vagina, like most conservatives, but he also appears to just be stupid.
He gave us another glaring example of his shocking stupidity this week, when he chose these glorious words.
First probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War?
Huh. I guess he missed the Gulf War and 9/11 and the Iraq War and the war in Afghanistan. Im sure that is something the 4,144 Americans soldiers killed in Iraq will be surprised to hear. And, yeah, 9/11 was totally not an serious international crisis. Oh, and you are unfit to be president because of your mental state.
This is an act of aggression.
Thanks for the tip. I thought it was a terrible party. McCain is either a liar or he is that stupid. Either way, he should not be president. Vote Ron Paul!
Next up, AM radios biggest Asshole Fuckfaces spewed more idiocy out of his Oxycontin hole.
Listen to genius Rush Limbaugh wax poetically about Olympic phenom Michael Phelps and Americas energy crisis.
But now we read that Michael Phelps is burning and using 12,000 calories a day, while the Democrats are trying to alert everybody to the dangers posed by energy.
Hi, no connection, my names FearTheReaper.
Holy shit, is Rush a dumb Asshole Fuckface. I can only assume he wakes up and shoves an ice pick into his frontal lobe each morning. To attempt to connect one human being, a super human, to Americas energy crisis and the left may be the dumbest thing I have heard in a long time.
American consumption for the greatest production and the greatest rewards, why, that is fine if we do this in sports. However, if we consume and produce exceptionalism in goods and services for others, including ourselves, then somehow we are committing a sin.
Um. No. One is a person, the other is a country. One runs on gasoline and the other runs on chicken and ice cream. See the difference? I would love it if our country could run on ice cream, but it cant. Im sorry that you are the physical embodiment of Homer Simpson.
Oh, and, Chinese gymnasts eat rice cakes? Really? You couldnt help but throw in a little racism as well, huh? Please Christian Right, keep listening to this drug addict, 4-time divorced multimillionaire, because he understands your values.
Next up, some grieving family Asshole Fuckfacery.
Earlier this year, 14-year-old Oxnard high school student Lawrence King was shot and killed by a fellow classmate. King was said to have worn feminine attire and makeup, which made him the target of other boys in the school. The shooter, Brandon David McInerney, has been charged with a hate crime.
Naturally, the school must pay. For letting a kid with a gun on campus? For failing to protect a student? Nope. Because the school let King dress the way he wanted.
The family of a gay Oxnard teenager who was fatally shot in class is suing the school district, claiming its failure to enforce the dress code led to the boy's death.
Welcome to the Asshole Fuckface Roundup, grieving family. I think youre the first to get that honor.
The parents and brother of 15-year-old Larry King filed a personal injury claim against the Hueneme school district seeking unspecified damages.
The claim, filed last week in Ventura County Superior Court, says administrators and teachers failed to enforce the school's dress code when King wore feminine clothing and makeup to school.
Right. If it wasnt for the clothes and makeup, King would still be alive. Other than that, he totally fit in.
Finally, some Asshole Fuckfaces do not make good fathers.
Meet Raymond Daniel Thurmond, of Lavonia, Georgia. Ray has been living in a trailer with his wife and four children for three years. He worked at a poultry plant and was said the be police and quiet. But that was just outside the trailer. Inside it was a different story. Ray didnt allow his family to leave the trailer for three years and the trailer was not in the best condition.
When police finally searched the squat white mobile home where they say a man held his family captive for three years, the place was so filthy and bug-infested that one officer had to wear a gas mask and another refused to continue.
Refused to continue. That cant be good.
Thousands of roaches and other bugs crawled in and out of drawers, cupboards and furniture. Spoiled food littered the place, and a long-ignored plumbing problem left the floors rotten and mattresses moldy
And why not throw in some abuse? Ray would beat his kids, ages 14, 13, 12 and 9, sometimes with a steel-toed boot. He would rape his wife all the time, while the children listened. His wife was suffering from battered wife syndrome and did not come forward until Ray told her he was leaving for another woman.
Um, Im going to go ahead and say the other woman caught a break. Ray is looking at charges of rape, child abuse and false imprisonment. I hope he gets a little understanding of prison rape.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comic. You can read more of his nonsense at his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Please Dont Fire All The Racists
Now that Don Imus has been fired from both television and radio, we need to slow down and take a look at where we are. We cant fire every radio and television commentator who is a racist. We would have no one left to laugh with as we drove to work in the morning. There is no point in having a radio show if you cant be racist. I think Jesus said that.
Case in point: Rush Limbaugh. Hes obviously a genius and we are all better people because he is in our world. Part of his brilliant commentary is being a delightful racist. You hear it all the time. Heres an example from last month.
Fucking hilarious, right? He took an interesting article in the LA Times, written by a black man and twisted it around into a simplistic, racist piece of garbage. That is radio! That is what they do! Limbaugh has been doing it forever and it has brought him great success.
Way back in 1970s, when he was a young lad, Rush showed his superior wit when he said this to a black caller:
"Take that bone out of your nose and call me back."
Oh, shit, that is clever. Well done, young Rush. Thankfully that sort of genius has continued throughout his career. And he does it in a classy and intelligent way. For example, when Carol Moseley-Braun became the first black woman to be elected to the US Senate, Rush would play The Jeffersons theme song Movin On Up whenever he talked about her. God they have fun on the radio!
In 2003, when he was a commentator on ESPN, he said what Im sure he though was fact.
"The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well" and, therefore, that McNabb "got a lot of credit for the performance of this team [the Eagles] that he didn't deserve."
Someone on our airwaves has to be able to say stuff like that because the great unwashed, who can only afford an AM radio, need to hear it. Just last year when Rush was talking about the reality show Survivor, he let us know that the black members of the show were at a disadvantage.
Limbaugh stated that the contest was "not going to be fair if there's a lot of water events" and suggested that "blacks can't swim."
Hee hee. Good stuff. Imus is gone. We have to accept it. Thank God Rush will continue to great tradition of radio hilarity. Its good to know here is someone there to fill that big Imus hole with clever racism.
FearTheReaper will be appearing at the Irvine Improv April 27 & 28.
Fuckface Asshole Roundup
A crazy college kid goes on a shooting spree that ends in the largest gun massacre in US history. It is shocking and horrifying. The country has to analyze what happened and figure out how to prevent it in the future. The Virginia Tech community will be grieving for years to come. It is a time for quite, respectful observance. But not if youre a fuckface asshole! Come on down, Fuckface Limbaugh!
The shootings took place on Monday and by Wednesday Rush already had Cho pegged as a
guess
guess
liberal! It's so obvious. What else could he be?
"If this Virginia Tech shooter had an ideology, what do you think it was? " Limbaugh asked. "This guy had to be a liberal. You start railing against the rich and all this other -- this guy's a liberal. He was turned into a liberal somewhere along the line. So it's a liberal that committed this act.
See how easy that was? First you wonder what Chos ideology was, then in a split second you come up with it. Then you support it with an absurd, borderline retarded fact. And bam! You state it as a concrete fact. Now what? Well, since you made a crazy statement that can in no way be backed up as fact, you take an immediate defensive position.
Now, the drive-bys will read on a website that I'm attacking liberalism by comparing this guy to them. That's exactly what they do every day, ladies and gentlemen. I'm just pointing out a fact. I am making no extrapolation; I'm just pointing it out."
Lie equals fact, fact equals truth teller, truth teller equals victim. Nicely done, you fat, four times divorced, millionaire, drug abuser
I mean, speaker for the common man.
Whos up next? How about Fuckface Gingrich? The Newt was on ABCs This Week with George Stephanopoulos on Sunday when he decided to let that horrid anus under his nose cough out some vile words.
After the Columbine shootings, Newt blamed liberalism. Stephanopoulos asked Newt is he still believed that to be true.
GINGRICH: Yes, I think the fact is, if you look at the amount of violence we have in games that young people play at 7, 8, 10, 12, 15 years of age, if you look at the dehumanization, if you look at the fact that we refuse to say that we are, in fact, endowed by our creator, that our rights come from God, that if you kill somebody, youre committing an act of evil.
STEPHANOPOULOS: But what does that have to do with liberalism?
GINGRICH: Well, who has created a situation ethics, essentially, zone of not being willing to talk about any of these things. Let me carry another example. I strongly supported Imus being dismissed, but I also think the very thing he was dismissed for, which is the use of language which is stunningly degrading of women the fact, for example, that one of the Halloween costumes this last year was being able to be either a prostitute or a pimp at 10, 11, 12 years of age, buying a costume, and we dont have any discussion about whats happened to our culture because while were restricting political free speech under McCain-Feingold, we say its impossible to restrict vulgar and vicious and anti-human speech. And I would argue that thats a major component of whats happened to our culture in the last 40 years.
So, there you go. No holes in that argument. Thirty three people died at Virginia Tech because of video games and the effect they are having on
wait, I mean, Imus got fired and language is bad
I mean, kids dress up like fucking whores on Halloween
and uh, Cho killed students because of that fucking McCain-Feingold bill
so we dont talk about stuff and then an Asian dude shoot people. Fucking Liberalism.
What a couple of man-cunts, or munts, if you will.
Nobel Fucking Peace Prize Nomi-fucking-nation, Bitch
Two Norwegians nominated Al Gore for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to put the threat of climate change on the US agenda. Conservative Børge Brende and Socialist Heidi Sørensen nominated Gore along with Canadian environmentalist Sheila Watt-Cloutier.
"Al Gore has done a very important job as former US VP and has created so much pressure in the USA that for the first time President Bush must now say that climate change is a problem. No other single person in the last year has done so much to put the threat of climate change on the agenda, and contributed to lasting changes in international policy," Børge Brende said.
Of course the right wing lost their shit when they heard about the nomination. Instead of sitting back and taking it, they came out swinging. Mark Levin, a conservative radio host and incredible douchebag has announced that his Landmark Legal Foundation has nominated Rush Limbaugh for the Nobel Peace Prize. Limbaugh is coincidentally also a member of the board of advisors at Landmark.
Limbaugh
was nominated for the prestigious award for his "nearly two decade of tireless efforts to promote liberty, equality and opportunity for al humankind, regardless of race, creed, economic stratum or national origin. These are the only real cornerstones of just and lasting peace throughout the world," said Landmark President Mark R. Levin.
Yeah! Fuck you, Al Gore. The best Nobel Peace Nominations come from a place of pure hatred and are done simply for revenge. And anyone can do it! Unless of course, there are some rules or something...
Nomination to the Nobel Peace Prize is by invitation only. The Nobel Committee sends confidential forms to persons who are competent and qualified to nominate. The names of the nominees and other information about the nominations cannot be revealed until 50 years later.
And they have this weird list of qualifications. Whatever. I. FearTheReaper, am nominating, India, for being fucking hot. And my cat, Dr. Greenjeans, for not shitting in the corner.
Why Does Rush Limbaugh Hate Women and the Troops?
Of all the pundits who have cleared the path to the current battlefield that is mainstream political discussion, few can claim to have held the standard of bitter partisanship more than Rush Limbaugh or have wielded as much influence. His syndicated radio show reaches millions of listeners, and is the centerpiece of a mini-media empire that serves to dish out conservative propaganda to the masses. Constantly beating the drum for war and chastising Democrats and liberals for not supporting the military, it's amazing that someone who maintains positions such as these can take time out of his radio show to disresect and dishonor the women in the military currently serving in Iraq.
Limbaugh: The liberals did indeed bandy about, bang on the drums for women in combat. Now anyone with, it just isnt right. Whether they can do it or not, thats not what a cultured civilized society does to its women, they just dont do it. Except in dire, dire circumstances, but yet they did. But yet weve not, they have in college, women should be allowed to place kick in college football, but they havent said a thing about women playing pro football, now why is that because they know it would be impossible. They know the average human being wouldnt last more than two plays, the average woman wouldnt even, it would be, they dont even suggest it yet they do for the military? So what does it tell you they of the military? Its nothing but a little social playground for experimentation, by the way since theyre liberals theyd love to weaken it and love to tear it apart and cause all kinds of controversy and strife, and they do it under the guise of womens rights, Im sure there are some imminently qualified women in the military I am not talking about their ability to do, I am talking about the institution and what it says about a cultured civilized society that it will round up babes send them off to basic training and send them off to the foxholes. It can be done, but its not recommended.
So Limbaugh, who avoided military service in Vietnam by virtue of a pilonidal cyst (essentially a boil on his ass) has decided that he will not support the women who chose to volunteer for military service because, in some fashion it's not "civilized."
'24' Actress Explains the Limbaugh Kiss
Mary Lynn Rajskub has set the record straight; she did not willingly kiss Rush Limbaughs piggy mouth. Last year, photos of the 24 actress kissing Limbaugh full on the mouth surfaced on the Internet. Rajskubs fans were disgusted, wondering why such a normal, attractive girl would get that close to the illegal-drug using, conservative radio host. Well, Rajskub has the answer; she didnt kiss Limbaugh, he kissed her.
"Last summer, I was on a panel about terrorism that [he] was moderating," the blonde tells FHM. "He said hello to everyone and kissed me full on the lips. I was like, 'Oh, that was odd.' Then the picture was on the Internet and people thought I was going out with him. He's brilliant and hilarious, but I wouldn't say I wanted to get it on with him!"
She needs to quit lying about her attraction to Limbaugh. No girl can resist his pendulous man-boobs; just ask former girlfriend Daryl Kagan.
Rush Limbaugh - A Flip-Flopping Cut and Runner!
The 2004 presidential election campaign truly brought out the best in America. Pundits and advocates on both sides of the political aisle sat down together to determine the merits and deficiencies of both candidates and figure out how to best communicate them to the American public to help voters make intelligent, informed choices. Their lengthy analyses boiled down to simple, but effective slogans. Bush was a megalomaniacal idiot. Kerry was a flip-flopper. Team Bush has continued along this vein of helping out Americans decipher the confounding world of domestic politics by helpfully labeling all Democrats as wanting to "cut and run" from Iraq, deftly dissecting a complex argument into an easily digestable phrase, one that reinforces his position of the GOP as the good guys, and all who oppose them as either weak, evil, or both.
None of this would have been possible had it not been for the help of insightful political commentators such as Bob Novak, Michael Savage, and of course, Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh has been tireless in his mockery of Democrats and their desire to pull out of Iraq and not "support our troops" or the president. However, after maybe one too many helpings of french fries, Limbaugh seems to have found his flip-flops, and is suggesting pulling all our troops out of Iraq. Direct from the horse's ass... er mouth:
I have a strategery, folks. I think there's two things we can do in Iraq. Let me run them by you and see what you think. The first thing is that we pull back out of Baghdad, and we position along the Syrian, Jordan and Iranian borders, and we say to the Iraqis:
"We're going to stop anybody coming across these borders. No more help from Iran. No more from Syria. No more from Jordan. Nobody's getting into this country. If we have to, we'll go 20 miles inland in each of these countries to make sure nobody gets through, but this is on you. We will make sure nobody else gets in. Now, you go in there (the Iraqis) and you clear out Baghdad. You do it once and for all, and then we're out." The second strategy is, "You don't want to go for that?" We say to the Iraqis, "All right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to take everybody we got and we're going to bring 'em into Baghdad and we're going to do search-and-destroy and we're going to take out anything that looks like an insurgent and we're going to take out anything that looks like a sympathizer, a terrorist or whatever, we're going to clean this place out -- and then it's up to you."
Those are two things that are... Well, they're think pieces. I'm just thinking about this. But they both center on the fact that the Iraqis are going to have to at some point take care of all this.
So Limbaugh wants to pull out our troops and let Iraq govern itself? This is strikingly similar to what John Murtha and the rest of the antiwar Democrats have been demanding for almost a year, to the ceaseless mockery and ridicule of Limbaugh and the rest of his paleolithic colleagues. Has hell frozen over? Has Rush Limbaugh seen the light? The real question is - how will he find a way to claim this was his idea from the get-go - and blame Bill Clinton for all the of the failings in Iraq so far as the same time?
Chloe Takes on a Dangerous Mission
As if his Viagra use and Dominican whore-hunting wasn't bad enough, Rush Limbaugh has now defiled one of TV's most virginal heroines, Mary Lynn Rajskub (Chloe from Fox's 24):
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Where the hell is Kiefer Sutherland when you need him?