I lived in the cesspool known as New York City for five years. Rudy Giuliani was running the show the entire time and he quickly rose up my list of worst human beings alive. He is, quite simply, an arrogant asshole. Yesterday, I learned that as a New York City taxpayer I was helping Rudy put his penis inside an unfortunate woman.

This means no White House for Rudy. He’s toast.

A bit of this story surfaced in 2001, when a city auditor found $34,000 of travel expenses hidden in accounts of the New York City Loft Board. The mayor, being an upstanding guy, refused to comment on the expenses for “security” reasons. At the time, auditors could not verify that the expenses were for legitimate city business. Unfortunately for Rudy, the US has something called the Freedom of Information Law. Politico.com used it dig up the truth.

Conclusive? No? Enough to destroy a presidential campaign? Oh, yes.

Now, I could give a shit if Rudy was driving out to the Hamptons to fuck Donkeys or a woman or to jerk off at sunrise, while yelling, "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy." What does matter was that the “fiscally responsible” mayor was using city funds for fuck trips. If they weren’t fuck trips, then he probably should have explained them back in 2001 when questions were being asked. And in his Rudy style, he took from those who needed it most.

Weird, because Rudy just loves the disabled.



Nice work, America’s Mayor.

Rudy could have just traveled out to the Hamptons and kept it all above board, but he decided to hide it and leave the tab with “little known city offices.” Why? He was having an extra-marital affair and didn’t want anyone to know. In doing so, he managed to combine everything Republicans are supposed to be against: Immoral behavior and fiscal irresponsibility.

Last night during the Republican debate, Rudy was asked about the breaking story. He responded by saying he had security everywhere he went and how they billed the city was not his responsibility. Uh huh. Good luck with that one.

Rudy's in trouble. His arrogance led him to flaunt his affair and now he's going to pay.

And the best part of that story is that when the press found out about the affair, Rudy called a press conference to announce that he was getting a divorce. He just neglected to tell his wife beforehand. Is telling your wife you want a divorce, via the media, presidential?

Besides 9/11, Rudy has been running on fiscal responsibility and accountability.

Indeed, you do, Rudy. You’re wrapped up in financial irregularities, misuse of official city resources, and an attempt to hide your affair. Welcome to failure.

Hard to believe an entire week has passed and another group of asshole fuckfaces has been assembled for your viewing pleasure. These sickening individuals have been chosen for their disturbing actions. This week I only vomited three times while writing the asshole fuckface roundup. So, put on your safety goggles, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, we find some particularly disturbing asshole fuckface behavior in India.

Michael Jackson would love India. They enjoy music and more importantly, some asshole fuckfaces have made skin cream that can turn you white.

Shahrukh Khan (no relation to Kahn from Star Trek) is a big Bollywood celebrity. He is now coming under criticism for appearing in an ad where he gives skin-lightening cream to a guy who is apparently to dark skinned for the ladies.



Isn’t that great? After a few weeks using the cream, you can become whiter and women will finally like you. That is why the cream is called Fair and Handsome. They thought about calling it Shaming and Creepy, but the name did not go over well with focus groups.

Currently, the skin-lightening industry in India is raking in 100 million pounds a year. In recent years, protests against skin lightening creams have been increasing. Actress Rani Moorthy told the BBC how awesome it is to grow up with dark skin in India.

Man, that brings back a lot of memories. Thankfully, the cream is now available in the UK too!

What would an asshole fuckface roundup be without a member of the Bush administration making an appearance?

Condoleezza Rice showed us how truly ignorant she is of American history this week by comparing deceased Iraqi terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi to Generals Ulysses Grant and Robert E. Lee. She is, by the way, our Secretary of State.

Rice was apparently attempt to compare Zarqawi’s “strategic genius” with the civil war generals.

Very true. Especially if you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. Retired Marine General and former CENTCOM chief Joseph Hoar explained what Rice was trying to say.

You mean because the generals fought on a battlefield against opposing troops and Zarqawi hid amongst civilians and set off car bombs? Note to Bush administration: Quit trying to draw parallels, you already look retarded for just starting the war.

Speaking of war, how about being an asshole fuckface and profiting of a devastating terrorist attack?

Abraham Sofaer is a tremendous asshole fuckface, which means he is obligated to support Rudy Giuliani for president. (Rudy’s in the hall of fame) Abe is throwing a fundraising party for Rudy at his house in California that has a spectacular theme: "$9.11 for Rudy."

Isn’t that great? People are expected to donate $9.11 for the candidate, while not vomiting in their vodka glass.

Sofaer claims he did not come up with the idea, that is was actually some “young people.” I am going to assume it was four year olds; otherwise I would have to kill them. But Sofaer is not some idiot who just stumbled across politics.

Seems like the asshole fuckface should have known better.

Giuliani's campaign said they had no knowledge of the fundraiser and that it was an unfortunate choice. Although, it kinda says a lot about the campaign they’re running. Also, Rudy is a 9/11 hero.

And why get off the 9/11 theme when my next asshole fuckface was right in the middle of it?

Tania Head is a member and former president of the nonprofit organization, World Trade Center Survivors’ Network. Tania’s story is one of incredible survival and hope.

She was on the 78th floor of the World Trade Center and was badly burned. Tania was one of only 19 people above the floor that the plane struck to survive. It was a miracle. While she struggled to get out of the building, a man handed her his inscribed wedding ring and asked her to give it to his wife. He died. After Tania got out of the building, she discovered her fiancé had died in the other tower. Double super tragic.

Tania has been traveling the country telling her story to college students and also giving tours at the World Trade Center Visitor Centers.

I bet you saw hope, you asshole fuckface. Hope to finally get some attention and make money. The New York Times wanted to interview Tania about her experience but she kept canceling the interviews. She also would not provide any details to corroborate her incredible tale. So, the Times went looking and found…nothing.

The family of the man she claims was her fiancé has never heard of Tania. The company she worked, Merrill Lynch, has no record of employment. She has never told anyone the name of the man who gave her the wedding ring. And there is no record of her at the hospital where she claims to have been treated.

When the Times asked her why they could not find any records to back her story, she replied:

Thanks for answering a different question. Luckily, you don’t have to do something illegal to be an asshole fuckface!

The board of the Survivors’ Network voted to give Tania the boot this week as president and as a director of the group. Good move. It’s weird to have a crazy liar as your leader for a survivor group.

Congrats to this week's asshole fuckface winners! You each get a FearTheReaper cat bed!

You have been very patient waiting an entire week for the asshole fuckface roundup. That is nice of you. If only this week’s asshole fuckfaces could be as nice as you, but it is just not in their genetic makeup. They are the worst of the worst. Even Hilter would be shaking his head if he heard what the asshole fuckfaces have been up to. So, put on your creepy bib and settle in, this is going to be ugly.

Tye Hilmo is an outrageous asshole fuckface and an enemy to all cats.

There is a special place in hell for men who kill kitties. It involves a large litter box and tons of shit. Also a rape post. And a small cock guillotine.

Tye is an all around fuckface. He was on probation when police searched his home last week and found two pounds of pot and guns. You are not supposed to have two pounds of pot or any guns when you are on probation, so Tye was thrown in the pokey.

Police had also received a tip that Tye was killing cats. Upon searching his home, they found the bodies of two dead kittens. But his cell phone contained the worst evidence of all.

Asshole was capturing neighborhood cats, then injuring them and then finally, he would give them to his pit bulls to finish off. He has been charged with aggravated cruelty to animals.

I would like for Tye to be tied down. Then his skin peeled off and his exposed tissue covered in tuna oil. Then a hundred feral cats should be released to have brunch.

Next up, "counter protester" is another way to say asshole fuckface.

Last Saturday anti-war protestors marched on the capitol. Carlos Arredondo’s son Alex died in Iraq in 2004 and he has created a “traveling memorial” in honor of his son.

Carlos was taking part in the protest and as he walked a group of “counter protesters,” began to follow him and harass him. Finally, one of them tore a picture of Alex off the memorial. It was his non-verbal way of saying, “I support the war and my way of doing that is to insult dead soldier’s parents.”

But the asshole fuckfaces weren’t done with Carlos yet. When Carlos tried to get the photo of his dead son back, five other “counter protesters” attacked him. They beat him and kicked him in the head, legs, stomach and back.

Police broke up the attack. Carlos sustained bruises all over his torso and on his head, but at least now he knows he should support the war. There is no better way to convince a dead soldier’s father to change his mind about the war than to kick him in the head. I think Ghandi said that.

Ah, what would a trip down asshole fuckface lane be without a visit from George Bush?



Yes, he just used an alive Nobel Peace Laureate and international hero as a dead guy in what may be the most retarded analogy ever. Let's see, Saddam killed all the Mandelas, which has totally fucked Iraq. So, if Saddam hadn’t killed all the guys who fight to overcome brutal systems of racial segregation, then Iraq would be in great shape. Those one million plus Iraqi deaths that have occurred since the US occupation began did not kill any of the Mandelas. It's called logic!

Oh, and this is what Mandela thinks about the asshole fuckface known as Bush.

But keep talking about him like he is a dead hero who could have saved Iraq, George, you fucking moron.

And now, one of the many asshole fuckfaces who will never be president.

Rudy Giuliani is such a spectacular asshole fuckface that he looks like a shoo-in for the AF hall of fame. During his political career in New York, Rudy worked hard for gun control. He did not hold back when it came to the NRA.



Rudy even filed a lawsuit against gun manufacturers, such as Colt, Glock and Smith & Wesson, in an attempt to punish them for violent crimes committed with guns. At the time, Rudy said the gun industry “profits from the suffering of innocent people.” Yesterday, a panel of federal judges began hearing arguments on the lawsuit. So, how did Rudy celebrate?

By crawling to the NRA like a bitch and begging for their support. Rudy addressed NRA members on the same day his lawsuit was being heard by a panel of judges, because Rudy is now dedicated to upholding the right of individuals to own weapons. That is some fantastic asshole fuckfacery.

I guess that is why you filed a lawsuit to destroy gun manufacturers, huh? But, hey, Rudy did become a member of the NRA in 2006. And they are apparently stupid enough to buy his shocking political opportunism.

Wow, we just found another asshole fuckface! These two guys are made for each other.

Congrats to this weeks winners. You are all very special in a horrible way. Each asshole fuckface will receive their very own FearTheReaper iPod sheath.

The big news from this weekend’s Iowa straw poll was how little the voting public thinks of the current crop of Republican candidates. Ten thousand fewer Republicans cast votes for this group of candidates than they did for the 2000 candidates. “None of the above” is consistently winning in Republican polls. The reason is simple: Every Republican candidate has some horrible quality that makes them unelectable to the base.

Rudy Giuliani won’t win the nomination because he is pro-abortion and has an ugly marital history. He is twice divorced, once marrying a cousin and another time living through a nasty public separation while Mayor of New York.

There is no way Giuliani will win a Republican nomination with the current state of religious lunacy that has a hold over the party. Sorry, loser, you’re out.

Fred Thompson is the newest of the candidates who has absolutely no chance. Freddy also has a problem with his abortion loving past. He was a lobbyist for a pro-choice group, which may actually be worse than being ideologically against abortion.

Watch that number shoot up when he actually joins the race and Republicans get a look at his abortion record. Sorry, actor boy, you’re gone.

Mitt Romney is such a poor candidate for the Republican ticket that it is astounding. He has spent loads of money and is only polling in third place.

Why? He’s a Mormon. Game over.

John McCain is old and shockingly pathetic. He attached himself to Bush’s surge and took a walk through the streets of Iraq surrounded by helicopters and soldiers. That was the day his campaign ended.

He is also considered to be a "moderate" turncoat by many Republicans. Good night, grandpa.

An August 5th Rasmussen poll has Giuliani on top. (None of the above was not given as an option)

Giuliani 25%
Thompson 24%
Romney 14%
McCain 11%
Mike Huckabee 3%
Sam Brownback 2%
Ron Paul, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo are just tiny blips of nothingness.

Republicans need a viable candidate to step in and take over this mess or the masses are going to vote for No One to face the Democratic opponent.

Republican candidates are bailing out of the September 17th CNN/YouTube debate. They have come up with several reasons.

What presidential candidate would turn down a nationally televised debate in order to make a couple of bucks? Attending fundraisers is a ridiculous justification to pass on a major chance to differentiate themselves from the other candidates. These excuses are obviously a load of bullshit, as are the many other reasons Republicans are attempting to create. There is also the "snowman" excuse.

And the "CNN is liberal" excuse.

More excuses will surely follow, but the real reason leading Republicans will not take part in the debate is that they are scared. Little girl scared. The leading GOP candidates have baggage and they aren't used to direct questions. The mainstream media, like CNN, would never allow their anchors to ask harsh questions, but this format has given the network the ability to be very direct. Our current crop of news reporters shy away from asking tough questions because they are so frightened of being labeled “liberal” by the right. Some random guy in Utah isn’t. That is what frightens the Giuliani’s of the world.

What kind of questions are the candidates afraid of? How about these: Mitt Romney, why did you change your stance on so many subjects, like abortion, right before you ran for president? Rudy Giuliani, you didn’t buy new radios for the NYFD for ten years, even though a report on the 1993 WTC attacks said it was the first thing that should be done. It led to the death of over 300 firefighters. Why didn’t you buy the radios? (Imagine that one from a firefighter) Ron Paul, why did you allow a racist newsletter to be published in your name for ten years? John McCain, why were you not sure that condoms helped to prevent AIDS when question about it just three months ago?

These are just simple questions off the top of my head; imagine what could be done with a little research? The Republicans candidates are carrying a shitload of baggage and the common man is jumping at the chance to expose it. Here are some of the questions to date.













If you watch the questions people have posted on YouTube, you will become sad because of the high percentage of idiots. They are sometimes scary, sometimes ridiculous, but most often just pathetic. It is the few who present a well-crafted, thoughtful and direct question that scare the shit out of the GOP.

CNN is now attempting to reschedule the debate to work around the Giuliani and Romney fundraising conflicts and Republican bloggers are trying to pressure the two camps to attend. But the new Bush Republican Party is based on denial, suppression of evidence and bullying the media, which means that unpredictable questions could cause a lot of damage. Add to that the fact that the Republican right wing is far scarier than the Democratic left wing due to religious fundamentalism and I wouldn’t expect any of the leading candidates to show up for the YouTube debate. Did I mention that they are chickenshits?

Volume 2 of the FTR series in which he puts the word fuck in front of a presidential candidate’s name.

Rudy Giuliani has now taken the lead as the frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination. Rudy is known as the man who stepped up during the 9/11 attacks and helped to heal a city. He is also a douche bag.

Rudy may be the perfect man to take over for Bush because he seems to have the same lack of respect for the constitution. Just like Bush, Rudy “doesn’t care about black people” and were it not for 9/11, he probably would have been exposed as the shitty mayor that he was. According to ex-Mayor Ed Koch, Rudy was hitting hard times when the attack occurred.

Rudy has a short temper, is condescending, always has to be right, is not a big fan of free media but lives to be in the spotlight. It’s a delightful combination of qualities for a dick but not for the next president. Here’s a clip of Rudy at his dickish best, talking to a disabled man who is upset about cuts to food stamps and Medicare aid.



Rudy’s dad was a stickup man and loan shark who like to do his business with a baseball bat. His son never used an actual bat, but managed to do more damage. He first worked as associate attorney general under Ronald Reagan in the Justice Department, where he did an outstanding job of deporting Haitian boat people. Rudy actually went to Haiti, met with President Jean-Claude and then declared, "Repression simply does not exist now in Haiti.” It especially does not exist there if you are a blind, minority hating asshole.

After years as a successful prosecutor, Rudy was elected Mayor of New York. At first, the city was overjoyed at the tough tactics he used against crime. He applied modern policing techniques and put a significant dent in crime. The city used a genius plan of going after the small crimes, like jumping subway turnstiles, to catch big offenders. It worked. But Rudy was greatly aided by the booming American economy and crime was dropping across the country.

Rudy’s police force became known for excessive brutality and thousands of questionable arrests. But Rudy backed his boys up, no matter what they did. In 2000, police shot an innocent security guard during a drug crackdown. The security guard thought the cops were robbers. Rudy quickly responded by releasing the security guard’s juvenile record and claiming he was “no alter boy.” There we so many incidents that Amnesty International accused New York City police of brutality and abuse. Race relations were tense.

Rudy was known for always thinking he was right and he didn’t want to hear otherwise. He wouldn't even listen to his inner circle of rich, white men. If you were outside of the circle, you basically did not exist. Well-known black officials went out of their way to say he never even consulted with them. And like Bush, anyone who disagrees with Rudy is the enemy. We’ve already been through six years of a president who won’t listen to others and can’t even listen to an opposing point of view. It’s not going that well.

Social services under Rudy were a disaster. The Human Resources Administration was a mess, as was child welfare and education was a disaster. Rudy’s own social life was embarrassing. He had a very public and ugly divorce, during which he paraded his new girlfriend around while still married. I’m not someone who puts much stock into the personal business of politician but I think it says a lot about a man when his grown son is no longer talking to him.

Rudy also took a little time to show what a sickening political opportunist he could be.

He attempted to evict the Brooklyn Museum because of an art show that had a depiction of Mary that included elephant dung. Rudy was vocal about the “sacrilegious” show and made sure everyone knew of his disgust. But just a couple of months later, the Whitney Museum in Manhattan opened a show with a piece called, "Piss Christ." Not a word out of Rudy. Why? Maybe because the Whitney's board chairman is a major Giuliani donor and he is a top-notch political whore.

By the time 9/11 happened, Rudy actually had low approval ratings in the city. His time was up. And just like Bush, he politically benefited from the World Trade Center attacks. He was seen as strong and at the same time, comforting. He was “America’s Mayor.” Unfortunately, his actions leading up to the attacks, like Bush, were abysmal.

Rudy’s mistakes in handling the city's emergency service cost lives.

In the late 1990’s, Rudy went against the advice of police and emergency management experts and placed the city’s emergency command center in the World Trade Center complex. The reason experts deemed it a bad idea was because terrorists had already struck the World Trade Center and vowed to do so again. Placing the command center inside a major terrorist target is quite simply, idiotic. Rudy also decided to locate a large emergency diesel fuel tank at the command center. Many believe that tank is what brought WTC 7 down. A command center doesn’t do much good when it has been blown up. The only reason America saw the heroic picture of a dust covered Rudy is because he was not in his blown up command center. Rudy, like Bush, ignored the experts and on 9/11 came away smelling like a rose.

Because there was not command center, there was no chain of command to coordinate the emergency response. During the chaos, Giuliani took the police commanders with him, while the Fire commanders set up a separate emergency response center. This was in direct violation of city’s emergency protocols. The result was that police and fire commanders could not coordinate search and rescue efforts. The National Institute of Standards and Technology concluded that emergency responder lives were lost because of the lack of communication.

The radios that were used for emergency communication also failed on 9/11, causing more deaths. They were the exact type of radios that had failed during the 1993 WTC attack, eight years earlier. Giuliani did nothing over those eight years to make sure police and fire responders had functioning radios. Hundreds of men died because they did not hear the order to evacuate the towers before they collapsed.

Giuliani can be a calming spokesman during a time of crisis, nothing more. His policies and governing were quite simply, shit. As a person, he is a condescending dick. If you want four more years of the same kind of crap Bush heaped upon us, then Rudy is your man. And he lisps. Do we really want a president who lisps?