Last week the Republicans held two debates. To say it was like watching aliens would be an understatement. This could be the most idiotic group of men ever to run for the White House. Their understanding of the world is childlike and their solutions even more so. When one of these men is elected (steals) to the presidency, we are completely fucked as a nation. I do not see how we could possibly survive another four years of this ignorant bullshit.

They have no intention of moving away from the great policies of George Bush, because obviously he has done such an awesome job. It is completely baffling that five adults can sit on stage during a debate, in the year 2008, and argue over who backs the president more. Now, I expect stupidity from these fucking morons and I am rarely disturbed by their caveman grunts and screams, but when the topic turned to terrorism and they ganged up on poor Ron Paul, I kind of lost it.

Don’t get me wrong; I think Ron Paul is an idiot. Besides his views of foreign policy, he may be the most moronic of them all. Yet, he is very intelligent and thoughtful when it comes to foreign policy.

Ron Paul made the mistake of pointing out that we should take responsibility for our policies that led to 9/11. Seems like a position that any mature, reasoned man would take. If someone attacks me, there is usually a reason. Strange people just don’t walk up to me on the street and punch me in the face. That is just not how life works.

Here is Paul’s statement that set off the idiots:

Oh, how dare you speak the obvious! This is a Republican debate, thinker! A good-looking retard named Mitt was the first to respond.

All? I have missed the attacks on Iceland? Also, Switzerland, Finland, blah, blah, you get the point. It’s a hollow and bullshit argument. The countries that have been attacked have mostly been those whom helped us with Iraq and Afghanistan. What the terrorists are trying to do is bring down governments that are not moderate, like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and Egypt. You know, the dictatorships that the US props up. Anyone who is using just 1% of his or her brain should know this.

Mitt then goes into a rant in which he says we should thank George Bush for keeping us safe. Just ignore the horrible attacks on our allies, Spain and England, as well as the many Australians targeted and killed in Bali.

That’s when old, lazy Fred Thompson jumps in and brags about his experience and nearly fingers himself because of it. All his experience has apparently taught him that crazy Muslims are bad. Whodda thunk?

Thank God Rudy was there to set everyone straight.

Wow, you gave back $10 million dollars because somebody said we should change our foreign policy, and actually have the nerve to brag about your moronic, heinous decision? For those of you who don’t know what the Twin Towers Fund is:

Only a great, educated, selfless man would turn down $10 million dollars for families of dead rescue workers because the donator said the US should take a look at its foreign policy. He rejected money for grieving families because of a TRUTHFUL comment. Rudy Giuliani is a viper. Thank God he wasn't done.

That is pretty much the psychotic view of things, yes. He a stain on face of the Earth and someone needs to get a sponge.

It is over? No fucking way. Ron Paul then attempts to explain to the idiots why foreigners, who suffer at the hands of our foreign policy, are upset because we attempt to force our beliefs on them. Romney calmly lets us know why he is retarded again.

Rudy cackles! Because it’s fun! It is fun how crazy Ron Paul is being with his well thought out criticisms of our foreign policy and his belief that there is usually a cause for violent attacks. Calling the truth propaganda is pretty much all we can expect from “Republicans” these days. Romney then makes a statement that causes me to shit on myself.

Are you fucking kidding me? You want to be our president, you hideous, retarded fuck? You have just made a statement about an assassination, as if it was fact, for which there is no proof. No evidence exists to back up this claim. None. You are a liar and a deviant and very, very dangerous. Also, you are retarded.

Then Fred Thompson jumps back in with some really important questions:

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. WE DO HAVE AIR BASES. Here is a grown man, running for president of the United States, mocking the truth. MOCKING. The US bases in Saudi Arabia have been the number one recruiting tool for al Qaeda, or at least they were until the war in Iraq. Maybe dipshit should have learned that when he was getting all that “experience” as a member of the Senate Intelligence Committee. It’s okay to read, even if you are an actor.

Are we done yet? Sadly, no. Huckabee then breaks down the problem in a way his Christian minions will understand: Islamofascism. Which, is, uh, something that does not exist. It is not real. There are no Islamofascists. There are radical Muslims and there are fascists, but there is no such thing as an Islamofascist. Huckabee is a retarded moron.

Well, thanks for that, Innocent the Third. You don’t mind if I call you a fucking tool, right? This is an embarrassing position for any man running for president of the United States to take. It is so completely void of thought and reason that it is shocking.

Last week’s debate was disturbing to watch. It is amazing to witness five men speaking to one man like he is a fool, when he is actually correct. And I don’t for a minute believe that any of these clowns actually believe they are speaking the truth. They cannot. Because any man who has achieved the amount of power they have is not a moron. They are only taking this position because they have polled the base and they are catering to their ignorant beliefs, instead of explaining the truth. That is the opposite of a leader. These men are cowards.

Enjoy their brains.



We should greatly fear the day one of these assholes takes over the White House.

The race for the Republican nomination is a complete disaster. Each candidate is coming apart at the seams in spectacular fashion and it is truly delightful to witness. As of right now, Republicans do not have a candidate for president who is not badly damaged.

Let us start with Rudy Giuliani. Rudy is extremely thankful today for the Bush administrations shocking lies about Iran’s nuclear capabilities because his Shag Fund Scandal is off the front page – for now. But it is a long campaign and the allegations will dog Rudy the entire race. Let me recap Rudy’s shit storm.

Rudy used funds from little known city agencies to cover the cost of security when he took trips to the Hamptons to bang his mistress. Then it was revealed that Rudy used the NYPD as a taxi service to drive his mistress to Pennsylvania to see her parents, as well as around the city whenever she wanted. And best of all, he made the cops walk her dog. There is nothing a big city cop loves more than to walk and pick up the shit of the mayor's mistress' dog.

Also last week, it was revealed that Rudy went to a fundraiser
hosted by a convicted criminal, was lobbying for earmarks for 14 companies while campaigning against earmarks, does business with a Sheik who has close ties to Osama bin Laden and had his stump speech ripped apart by the New York Times for making claims that are "are incomplete, exaggerated or just plain wrong." Rudy is a walking disaster.

Next up was Mitt Romney and his illegal immigrant employee nightmare. For a Democratic candidate any sort of black mark in regards to immigration would not be that big of a deal, but the Republicans expect to run on the issue this year. It is the new gay marriage, which means any candidate who is not squeaky clean is in trouble with the base. And Mitt stepped into a big pile of Mitt this week.

During last week’s retarded YouTube debate, Mitt kept accusing Rudy of helping out immigrants by turning New York into a “sanctuary city.” Rudy fired back that Mitt had employed illegal aliens at his home in the past. Rudy was referring to a Boston Globe story from December 2006, which accused Mitt of hiring a landscaping company that employed illegal aliens. Mitt said he took care of the situation and made it clear to the landscaping company that no illegal aliens were to work on his property.

So, the day after the debate, the Boston Globe went back to Mitt's house and guess what they found? Illegal aliens working on the shrubbery. I am shocked and heart broken.

Now the Republican horde is losing their minds. Right wing message boards are working overtime attacking Mitt and his villainous behavior. He basically shit on America and everyone knows it. Good luck, Mitt! Just be thankful that you didn’t get a rapist out of prison so he could rape and kill people. That honor goes to Mike Huckabee and this week it came to the attention of the nation.

Now, that could certainly happen to any governor. Of course, the fact that Huckabee showed Dumond so much respect and kindness was very odd.

“Dear Wayne.” Are you kidding? You just opened a letter to a rapist with “Dear?” What an asshole. If I ever write a letter to a rapist, it will start with, "Hey Fuckface."

Dumond’s previous victims begged Huckabee not to release the rapist because they were certain he would rape again, but his time they were afraid he would kill his victim to make sure she could not finger him for the crime. Huckabee went ahead with the parole anyway. Why he did so is even creepier than the parole itself: Bill Clinton.

Turns out Dumond was convicted and sentenced for raping a distant cousin of Bill Clinton, so the right wing became convinced that Dumond was innocent. They had no evidence other than the fact that the rape victim was related to Clinton. The right wing put massive pressure on Huckabee to release Dumond. New York Post columnist Steve Dunleavy was on a mission, writing such beautiful prose as, the “So-called victim” and "That rape never happened." Eventually, Huckabee was either convinced Dumond was framed (probably not) or thought he could score points with the right wing (yes) by setting a rapist free.

Now Huckabee is running for president and he has a rapist albatross hanging around his neck. Good luck with that.

That is not such a good week for the three Republican front runners, is it? But we can also take a moment to look at the pure insanity coming from the bottom of the pack.



Wow, just throw "Jew" in there and you've got a piece of propaganda straight out of Nazi Germany.

A train wreck falling on a car crash.

Thirty-one days until the corn engorged people of Iowa shuffle into voting booths and pick from the saddest field of GOP candidates in a long, long time. Then the insane mountain lunatics from New Hampshire will follow five days later. At that point I expect a name to emerge that will scare the shit out of every sane person in the country: Huckabee.

Huckabee pretty much annihilated the competition in Wednesday’s Republican debate, which has led to another bounce. It’s not his first bounce, either. He got one from the Ames Straw poll in August and has been rising ever since.

A December 1st poll of Republican voters shows Huckabee pulling ahead in Iowa for the first time. In early October, the same poll had Mitt Romney ahead by 17 percentage points. Shit, Huckabee used to be behind the walking corpse called Fred Thompson. But now the Christian psycho is on a roll.

It doesn't look as good for Huckabee in New Hampshire, where he is sitting in the middle of the pack, but also rising. With 15%, he has his highest support yet in New Hampshire and is way up from the 4% he had in September. Romney is kicking ass in the militia state, while Giuliani and McCain are slipping down. Huckabee should get a big bounce if he wins Iowa and could easily close on Romney.

Giuliani is collapsing into a giant shit heap. He has slipped into third in Iowa with 13% and is tied for second place in New Hampshire with Huckabee and McCain. But in New Hampshire he is trending down. Also, he has some major electability problems in Iowa.

Those are not good numbers, considering they are coming from his party. Giuliani's new Shag Fund scandal should completely doom him, unless of course, conservatives are okay with a guy having the NYPD pay for his fuck trips, act like a cab for his mistress and her friends around town, drive her to her parents house in Pennsylvania and walk her dog. Yes, he had cops walk his mistress’ dog. He’s done.

Fred Thompson is fourth in Iowa, but there is no reason to even discuss him.

McCain is pretty screwed as well. He’s sitting in fifth in Iowa with 7% and second in New Hampshire with 15%. With his kind of name recognition he should be doing much better. And contrary to what Ron Paul’s insane followers want you to think, he is just a zit on the ass of the Republican field. Paul is tied with McCain for fifth in Iowa and in New Hampshire has a whopping 8%. But that is not the worst news for Paul.

Iowa:

New Hampshire:

Paul is plowing forward with a lot of cash but Republicans just don’t like him. All he has been able to do is catch the already dead McCain in Iowa. Congrats, loser.

Shut the fuck up. Ron Paul already lost.

This race is looking like Huckabee and Mitt Romney. Mitt has decent numbers in Iowa and fantastic numbers in New Hampshire. Much of that is due to the fact that Romney has completely out spent his fellow candidates in the two states.

Unfortunately, he is now slipping in Iowa and has dropped five points since October to 24% as of last week. But in New Hampshire, Romney is a Mormon freight train.

You go, girl.

The key fact in this mess is that Huckabee hasn’t been spending money. He’s been doing it all with a grass roots following, public appearances and through debates. Now that Huckabee is ahead in Iowa, expect him to get a massive infusion of cash and become a serious contender for president. Right now he has the best chance. Scary.

It’s official; the Republican presidential candidates are a disaster. A new AP poll found that Republicans chose “Other/None/Don’t Know” over the leading candidates. Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and new savior Fred Thompson all came in behind nothing.

The Republicans have created their own problems. Apparently, any candidate has to meet religious, economic and security standards that are nearly impossible. Oh, and he’s got to have the correct ideas for stopping those horrible immigrants. All of the candidates are greatly lacking on one area or the other. None have secured the support of the religious lunatic fringe. As the campaign drags on, Republicans are actually losing support.

Maybe they should keep their mouths shut and hide in a shack in the mountains. Seems like they would have a better chance because whatever they are doing is not working.

Giuliani has dropped from 35% in March to 21%. McCain’s campaign is in freefall, having lost many of his top campaign staffers and used up all of his money. Mitt Romney is plagued by past support for abortion rights and gay rights. Fred Thompson, also once supported abortion rights and was recently caught lying about his stance. Every candidate but Romney has been divorced, but Rudy leads the pack with three. However, Romney has the terrible problem of being from a crazy religion that Christians are not down with - which cancels out the perfect family life.

Meanwhile, Democrats are happy with their candidates.

The enthusiasm for Democrats and lack of love for Republicans is leading to a large cash advantage. From April to June, Democrats raised 30 million dollars more than Republicans. Candidates who raise the most money win the election. That’s how America works.

At this point, the only thing that would energize Republicans would be Hillary winning the Democratic nomination. If that occurred, Republican funding would surge. Barring that scenario, the Republicans are going to need a new candidate. Here’s what they are looking for:

A candidate who hates gays, loves fetuses, will stop immigrants at all cost, will bomb Iran, Syria, and North Korea, keep troops in Iraq forever, will lower taxes more, pardon George Bush, is a good Christian, hates universal health care, carries an AK47, hates Muslims, loves the CIA and people who out their agents, wants to invade Cuba, will torture their mother if necessary, will commit voter fraud, will privatize Social Security, will privatize roads, will privatize air, will privatize cats, not allow stem cell research, lower the minimum wage and have the courage to murder our forests.

Shouldn’t be hard to find that guy.

Remember back in April when the first quarter fundraising reports showed how badly Democrats were trouncing their Republican rivals? Well the second quarter ’07 presidential numbers are in, and shit is looking even worse for the GOP.

$17 million isn’t exactly chump change and is actually quite an improvement for Giuliani, so one could argue that things are going just fine for Republican presidential hopefuls. You could say that, until you look at how Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton did the last three months.

Yikes. Thirty-two million dollars. That’s roughly double what Captain 9/11 brought in last quarter. Hillary’s numbers also doubled-up Moneybags Romney’s haul. All in all, that’s a butt-whippin’.

It gets even worse for those candidates who aren’t in the top tier, like our old buddy John McCain.

So with Republican leaders lagging woefully behind their Democratic counterparts, Fred Thompson’s impact on the race completely unknown and John McCain having trouble raising money with the gigantic fork sticking out of his back, it’s no surprise that the folks at the RNC are a little jumpy. That’s even before we mention that all three major Democratic presidential candidates are currently dominating head-to-head presidential polls up and down the board. In short, it’s not a good month for them.

All of that said, the real story is Obama’s record fundraising quarter. After besting Clinton in Q1, Obama repeated the feat in Q2 and did it while by recruiting an unprecedented number of donors to his cause.

Yeah, I’d say amassing a quarter of a million donors when most candidates are struggling to hit the 6 digit mark qualifies as “not falling behind”. While it is worth noting that Obama seems to be focusing on raising money for the primary and Clinton seems to be concerned with the general, it’s also astounding that someone who wasn’t even a candidate 6 months ago could have come this far this fast to establish himself as the dominant fundraiser in the race. We’ll see what happens once Hillary brings in the big guy, but as of now she’s got a hell of a fight on her hands and a bit of egg on her face, courtesy of the Distinguished Junior Senator from Illinois.

Subrosa was one of the 258,000.

Or so say the first quarter fundraising reports, at least. Not only did he report over 66% more individual donors than Senator Hillary Clinton, he actually managed to convince a fair number of ex-Clinton loyalists to drop some coin in his bucket instead of hers.

Oh snap! Those two-timing S.O.B’s!

The numbers detailing Obama’s surprising showing don’t end there.

So, to sum up: Senator Obama had 40,000 more donors donating almost $6 million more than Senator Clinton for the first quarter of 2007 in fundraising for next year’s presidential Primary. He also out-earned her $6.9 million to $4.2 million in internet donations. That’s a pretty thorough butt-kicking… sort of.

The caveat to all of those numbers is that Clinton still has by far the biggest war chest with over $30 million in available funds. Obama is second with $19 million (Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani are distant runners-up with around $11 million each. Actually outside of Romney’s impressive $20 million haul, the Republicans got their asses handed to them, but that’s another story.) It is conceivable that some of Clinton’s former donors decided to give to Obama because they felt she didn’t need the money and Obama did. I suppose some might have considered it a way to even the playing field.

As a Democratic voter myself, I am both surprised at the fundraising strength of Senator Obama and a bit wary of the bitter political battle that could erupt between he and Senator Clinton. If the Republicans get their shit together and stand united behind a candidate, the big money GOP donors will follow. Especially if a tussle at the Democratic top leaves blood in the water for the sharks to smell.

The question then, is whether this dual-barreled Democratic fundraising monster is actually good for the Democratic party. If you’re just looking at pure numbers, Clinton and Obama seem like the strongest candidates (yes, I’m aware that McCain and Giuliani tend to beat Clinton and Obama in head-to-head polls, but such polls this far out are notoriously unreliable not to mention that the gap between them is shrinking rapidly,) but if the Big Blue Two are forced to unleash their arsenal on each other, will the damage be too much to overcome in the general election for whoever is left standing? Moreover, for all their differences a McCain-Giuliani superticket is not entirely out of the question. Can we say the same for a Clinton-Obama slate? I don’t know, but for some reason it feels less likely.

Of course, we’re a long way off. But if fundraising numbers are any indication (and they usually are), Barack Obama is going to be in the thick of this thing for quite a while. Full records of all the candidates’ financial statements can be found here.

Because that’s the only explanation as to why she’d leave this great country to go waltzing around with the terrorists, right? Why would she DARE to undermine George Bush's fantastic foreign policy efforts? By going to Syria, she’s sending them a clear message that the United States is interested in avoiding conflict through diplomacy, and we just can’t have that.

As if you needed more evidence that Pelosi hates America, look no further than the Middle Eastern press’ favorable reaction to her visit. If the terrorists like her, then she must be evil.

Heaven forfend! Here's some more Al-Jazeera-type journalists talking favorably about the visit:

A "breath of fresh air." "Balance of power." "Diplomacy." Those are thinly-veiled code words for “Hating America” and “Not supporting the troops.” It couldn’t be clearer that Pelosi’s visit has had a positive effect on the perception of America in the Middle Eastern diplomatic community. And positive means bad. Or something.

No no no! We don’t want any sort of glue that will bring people together! We want more saber-rattling and threats of direct military action. That’s how you bring stability to a region. Someone get Condi over there to push everyone around again, asap!

Thankfully some folks back here like Mitt Romney are still willing to call a spade a spade.

That wrong signal is, of course, that we as a country are willing to discuss our problems with other countries before bombing them. And we just can’t have that.

Can we?

Subrosa would never admit to having voted for Pelosi at least 4 times.