We’re down to the second to last Asshole Fuckface Roundup of all time. I’ve been called up to the big leagues. Asshole Fuckfaces will no longer be my business. This makes today the 7th worst day in world history. Tomorrow will be the 6th and you can probably see a pattern developing. So, hold on to your assholes, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some Ohio Asshole Fuckfacing.

Meet Ohio State Representative John Adams. He believes women’s bodies belong to men, like property. Women should obviously have no say in what they want in their pathetic lives.

Can’t see any problem with that. It’s just a well thought out policy.

That’s because it’s not growing in his torso and coming out of his vagina.

A worthy use of government. Also, if the father is located, the woman will be branded with his name on her forehead. Oh, and I loved the book, The Handmaid's Tale. Thanks for the reminder.

Or to move out of Ohio. Dear John Adams, you are sub-human.

Next up, more racist Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.

As I wrote the day Obama was elected, racist Republican nonsense will continue to spew forth every day Obama is in office. Republicans, or, as they are often called, “rich, white people,” believe their racist jokes are something everyone does. They believe it’s just our common language and they will continue sending offensive jokes and twitters until he leaves office. It’s who they are. They don't know any better.

First, we’ll start with Atwater, California City Council member Gary Frago. Gary’s big on sending out hilarious emails about President Obama and his wife.

She’s black, by the way. I mean, if you missed the hilarity, National Geographic is known for publishing photos of bare-chested African women, or, at least they did in the ‘50s.

Obviously, Gary has a big future in politics, but he’s not the worst racist emailer of the week. No, that honor goes to Dr. David McKalip. Dr. David is the founder of the right-wing, anti-health reform group Doctors For Patient Freedom. He’s one of the doctors the GOP is taking out for talks to explain to Americans why health care reform is bad.

Good stuff. He also sent out this image of Obama as a witch doctor this week.

Hell yeah. It’s impossible to make that point without putting a bone in the president’s nose. Impossible.

Next up, more Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.

The Republicans have whipped up their talking points to stop health care reform. Here's the highlight:

So, health insurance that will control care, treatments, medicines and even what doctors a patient may see? Um, that’s exactly what we have now. So, good point? Oh, and there's more.

It’s a good thing we haven’t had, like, 60 years to think about it. In actuality, it needs to be a rush job. Why? Because 5 million Americans have lost their insurance since September. Because 16% of Americans over the age of 18 have no health insurance. That’s actually something you should deal with fast, not slow. Oh, and 70% of Americans want a public plan.

The only reason Republicans want to “slow it down” is because they want more time to come up with lies to spread across the airwaves to defeat health care reform. And they have no plan. No plan.

Finally, some pot Asshole Fuckfacery.

With all that is going on in our country, it amazing we continue our war on drugs, specifically marijuana. Currently, law enforcement officials are conducting “Operation SOS — or, “Save Our Sierra.” They are saving it from pot.

Sweet. Obama’s drug policy is the same old, stupid, moronic drug policy we have been living under for years, with the same old idiots in charge. Take Obama’s new idiot drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske, who had some awesome things to say about pot.

No, can’t think of a thing.

Keep on keepin’ on. It’s a tremendous success and a great use of our money. By the way, government, if pot was legal pot farmers wouldn't be screwing up the environment up in the mountains. Just a tip.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Most of the time I get the Republican mindset. More often than not, it is just team vs. team. Their astounding hypocrisy knows no bounds. When in control, they say one thing, but when not in control, they immediately flock to the position they formerly criticized. It’s actually quite amusing. As far as big business goes, they’ll bend over anyway they can and have quite a few Americans convinced screwing themselves over is the way to go. Their economic policies have destroyed our country and I find it hard to believe they still stand behind their ideas, but they serve their corporate masters, so I get it. Yet once again, they have come with an attack that is so shockingly stupid it is beyond my comprehension. Their attacks on Obama over his decision to not strongly criticize the Iranian government are astoundingly stupid. You’ve got to wonder if they actually believe taking such a ridiculously stupid stance is real, or if they will just say the opposite of whatever Obama believes.

Well, first of all, we are not for human rights all over the world. That’s the dumbest argument ever made. We just aren't. We never have been and we never will be. We’re about money and that’s all we are “for” all over the world. To believe otherwise is to deny history and reality.

But let me back up for a moment and just focus on Iran. If there is one country in the world that we owe the favor of staying out of their business to, it is Iran; America has already ruined Iran. The reason Iran is a theocracy is because of the United States of America. It’s called fucking yourself in the ass. It is one our greatest failures. We did more than “meddle” in Iran; in 1953 we helped to overthrow its democratically elected government, installed the brutal Shah and sent Iran on the path to dictatorship. It eventually led to the Islamic Revolution. That’s called “Blowback.” In the 1980’s we supported our friend Saddam Hussein in his war with Iran, which cost hundreds of thousands of Iranian lives. We even shot down an Iranian passenger jet in the ‘80s. Can you imagine if Iran had shot down one of ours?

Now, after years of belligerently stupid foreign policy, Obama has taken a different tact. It’s actually smart, which I’m sure confuses the Iranian leaders. They had become accustomed to the ignorant and simplistic responses of George Bush. Obama has chosen to take the “soft diplomacy” route and it’s already paying off. During his Cairo speech, he addressed Iran.

It’s hard to call someone the “Great Satan” when Satan is admitting mistakes. I know that’s difficult for the idiots in the GOP to understand, but that’s how it works. By not responding in kind, Obama has shown the belligerence of Iranian leaders to Iranians. They have been on the path to democracy for a long time. It’s a very slow one and should be. Iranians were already upset that their president’s language has caused economic isolation. It is causing massive unemployment and now that the US president is not responding like a mirror belligerent idiot, the focus is on one man as the problem: Ahmadinejad,

But the Republicans want us to keep swinging the big, dumb stick – because it's worked out so well over the past 8 years.

No, actually, they question if we believe in our principles because we support brutal regimes like Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Pakistan. They’re not idiots who believe in words over action. Those are your minions you are thinking of.

First, I don’t think in the closet gay guys should be talking about leading anything, not that being gay has anything to do with Senator Graham. Second, I cannot believe anyone would be so dumb as to not understand that if we take a side, then the Iranian government can call the protesters “tools” of the United States. Seriously, how can you be that stupid? I honestly can’t understand it.

Also, the idea that Obama making a harsh statement would have an uplifting affect on the Iranian protesters is shockingly arrogant. Get over yourselves. How is this supposed to work?

Protestor: Today I take to the streets for my vote! I am willing to die for this cause. Justice must be served!

Obama: The Iranian leaders are super bad. I’ve got your back with words but not action!

Protestor: Oh, man, I was only kind of into this stuff, but now I’m really, really into it! I will now overthrow my government because some dude living in another country said he likes me.

That pretty much seems to be what people like McCain and Graham actually think is going to happen. One “atta boy” from the president and the game is changed. America likes you! Now you can have an awesome revolution! It’s so moronic I can barely wrap my head around it.

In reality, the statement McCain and company want would do serious harm to those Iranians taking on their government. Once they are labeled as associated with the United States, they will be murdered. As of now, the security forces are actually showing restraint. But Republicans seem to think having a segment of the Iranian population aligned with “The Great Satan” is wise. Amazing. And I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. I’m believing them to be sincere. If they are not and this is just another political game and they are criticizing Obama because they want to take the opposing view due to party politics – then they are more disgusting than I could ever imagine because lives are on the line. That is inexcusable.

The sad thing is the protesters aren’t even asking for western type democracy. Most Iranians want a religious government of some sort. What they are in the streets fighting for is the small bit of self rule they were allowed. As one man in the street said, “They’ve taken away the sham of electing someone.” Republicans, and many other Americans, are putting their own spin on it. At best, they want to believe a democracy will emerge from this mess, but that’s not part of the equation yet. This is just a small step in that direction and it’s going very well. (At worst, do they even care about democracy? It's not like Republican's were actually that keen on counting votes or even allowing all eligible Americans to cast them in recent elections.)

The Iranian government will never be the same. Ever. For us, that’s a pretty good deal. So, let’s stay out of this one. We have two reasons for doing so. First, our involvement would backfire on those people we want to succeed. Second, we owe them. We own the Iranian people for every horrible thing we have done. We owe them for subjecting them to 26 years of a brutal dictator followed by 30 years of an oppressive religious government. We did that and it’s time to take the moral high ground.

If we don’t – you can pretty much guarantee the opposite of what we want
will occur.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

I was very sad to see Obama pass on my gay pick for the Supreme Court. I really wanted the Republicans to be forced to show their colors as they made homosexuality the main issue to keep someone off the bench. It didn’t happen. Fortunately, Obama went with a pick that is so politically shrewd it is astounding: Judge Sonia Sotomayor. Turns out she’s not white. After the dust settles, the Democrats will have created a majority for many, many, many years. Why? Because Republicans can’t stop their racist nonsense from spewing forth out of their loud holes. By the time this nomination process is over, America’s Hispanic population will be done with the Republicans for a long, long time.

Immediately after the pick, the idiots went on the offensive. Rush Limbaugh, who is a shocking racist, declared Judge Sonia Sotomayor a racist. Rush is one of the leaders of the Republican Party and he is losing his shit over the Sotomayor pick.

Right. Racism should remain where it belongs – on AM radio. Next Newt Gingrich also joined the asshole party. He’s made statements to the press and has Twittered about Sotomayor.

Oooooo. This southern white racist seems to be upset with the Latina. And he follows it through to its natural conclusion.

Wow, what a weird thing to Tweet during a trip to Auschwitz. But, hey, stay focused and all that. Don’t feel weird Twittering about a Latina woman being racist while you are at the hellmouth of hatred, super white guy.

Naturally, Newt followed up with with an email to his minions that explained how Sotomayor nomination is “un-American.” Totally. That’s why George H. Bush nominated her to the bench. Of course, the racism charge stems from a quote taken out of context. Here’s the deeply offensive statement.

Oh no! She’s worse than the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan! What will white men do?!?! If you really want to know how the right wing is spinning this, take a look at the entire speech. Not at all what they are spinning it into.

But let’s take that quote out of context and accept it. How’d this guy make it on the bench?

What the fuck?!?! Racist son of a bitch! How dare he use his life to contaminate his views. How’s he on the bench?!?!

While most, but not all, of the Republican lawmakers in Congress are saying this nomination should not have anything to do with race, they are letting the attack dogs run wild. Tom Tancredo is running around freaking about Sotomayor being a member of La Raza, which he says is a Latino KKK. He mostly says that because he is retarded.



Um, yeah. Remember all those lynchings of white people La Raza pulled off in the west? Man, those were some dark days. And in the '50s, you couldn’t go a week without hearing a story about a group of Latinos dragging a white man behind a truck by a chain.

Tancredo – and my father – believe La Raza means “The Race.” It does not.

While I know they are completely incorrect and their attacks are insane, I’d like them to continue. And I’d like them to go on every news channel, radio station and talk show in America. Scream that message loud and often, idiots, because you are doing even more damage to your already unpopular party. If it continues at this pace, the damage will be permanent. By the time this is over, Latinos will flock to the Democratic Party in dramatic numbers.

They need to keep this up. It looks like nothing other than angry privileged white men attacking a woman because of her race. And the news networks will eat it up and continue putting these morons on the television because it’s conflict and conflict means ratings.

Oh, and there’s an added bonus. Republican on Republican violence. Not all conservatives are pleased about the attacks on Sotomayor. They can see them for what they are: The death of the Republican Party, which may not be able to resurrect itself from this for years.

That’s not how your side came into power. You guys rode the back of fear and hideous attacks. Your peeps are doing what they have always done. They literally know no other way. You’re just pack animals who have tasted blood and won’t stop until you’re put down.

I mean, look at this shit.

This dude has his own radio show.

Please. Keep. Going.

So, it should be all white men.

Sit back, pray for more racist nonsense and enjoy the show. It’s the end of any hope the Republican Party ever had at regaining control of Congress.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

Smell that? That’s the smell of Asshole Fuckfaces. It kind of smells like someone opened up a pig’s anus and inserted hate. It’s not pleasant at all. Now you understand my suffering. I spend my week knee deep in this nonsense for you. Someday I’ll just snap and take a few of you out. But until that time, I mine the world for the worst of the worst. I then present them to you for mocking and scorn, which you seem to have mastered quite well. So, put on your favorite rubber sheet because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some past president Asshole Fuckfacery.

George W. Bush. Don’t expect that name to disappear from the Roundup for a long, long time. For the next few years, we will be wading through his plethora of heinous and criminal acts. This week, we learned of some very disturbing Bush activities, though it was not at all surprising. Would you be surprised to know a rat gnawed on the eyeball of a corpse? Well, you shouldn’t be, especially around my house. Same goes for the activities of one George Asshole Fuckface Bush.

Fuck yeah! Why not? Let’s tear this fucker up! Someone attacked us, we don’t know who it is, so it’s a government free for all! Weeeeeee.

Goddamn press and their dirty reporting. First thing we need to do to save the country is to get rid of that horrible number one thing the Founding Father put on that stupid Constitution thingy.

Timely. Thanks for getting around to that.

Remember all those “crazy conspiracy nuts” you were making fun of because they kept talking about Bush giving himself the power to declare martial law and take over the country? Well, they were saying that because Bush was giving himself the power to declare martial law and take over the country. How about that? Now go apologize, you dick.

John Yoo, one of America’s greatest Asshole Fuckfaces. Disbar the fuck and fire him from UC Berkeley, immediately.

Next up, more Republican Asshole Fuckfacing.

Let’s face it, the Republican Party is so full of duplicitous hypocrites it is astounding. There is no end to their shocking activities and shameless threats. This week, they rolled out an epic warning, so staggering in its audaciousness, it should be framed and put in the Smithsonian in the “What the fuck?” wing.

First, lets climb into the old time machine and go waaaaaay back to 2004. Republicans were running the show and they wanted to do things their way – all the time. They especially didn’t like the Democrats keeping Bush’s radical right wing judges from receiving Congressional approval.

Yes. The “nuclear option.”

TYRANNY! Those motherfuckers were using their powers given to them by The Constitution to stop extremists from being put on the bench! How fucking dare they!

The Republican majority never used the nuclear option, mostly because using the talking point was more effective politically than altering the way Congress works to approve 4.3% of Bush’s nominees. But now the crazy Asshole Fuckfaces are the loser party and well, they are Republicans...

Wait. What? Did I just drink seven bottles of tequila? Are these crazy fucks, who are vastly outnumbered in the Senate, actually telling the president to pick the last Asshole Fuckface’s nominees?

Um. No. Welcome to not winning.

I don’t….they….but…I thought…wait…

I’m sorry. Do you Asshole Fuckfaces seem to believe you are engaging in bipartisanship? Because you are actually engaged in dickishness. Right now I want to punch something, then explode. I now want to be tiny chunks of flesh covering my walls. It’s the only reasonable reaction to complete and total insanity.

Obama should just copy Orren Hatch’s letter from 2005.

Perish slowly. Thank you.

Next up, some Spanish Asshole Fuckfacery.

Spain. Wow. Not only do fans in their soccer stadiums make monkey noises when black players touch the ball, but they also have a bit of a problem with gay people.

Isaac Ali Dani Peréz Triviño and Julio Anderson Luciano were a gay couple living together in the Spanish province of Vigo. On January 13th, 2006, they met an Asshole Fuckface named Jacobo Piñeiro Rial. Isaac worked at a gay bar, where Jacobo went to do some coke and have a few drinks. At the end of his shift, Isaac invited Jacobo back to the couple’s apartment –– because he needed a place to stay. Julio arrived around 10:30.

After they went to bed, Jacobo decided to kill them at around 4 in the morning. He stabbed Isaac first, and then went after Julio, who he stabbed 24 times. Isaac barricaded himself the bedroom. But Jacobo broke in and stabbed Isaac 34 times, until he died. Jacobo tried to make it appear that a robbery had gone wrong, then set the house on fire. He was caught two days later, with a suitcase full of the couple's possessions.

His trial was this week and it went very well for him. He used the “I’m scared of gay people defense.”

The old double gay rape knife strip. Also known as “fiction.”

Look, if I do blow and get ripped for two days, I can kill what whomever I want. Know why? My judgment is all fucked up. That’s how blow works. Also, after almost being raped and murdered, I will always wash up in the shower and set the home on fire. That’s just how I roll.

Jacobo was acquitted of the murders by the jury of Asshole Fuckfaces. Protests are planned tomorrow in Vigo, Madrid and Barcelona.

Finally, some epic Asshole Fuckface mothering.

Genine Compton was having a bitch of a morning. First she had to take the kids to school. Total bummer. Second, she had to feed the baby. Double bummer. So why not combine the two?

It’s called managing your time. So what if a tiny fender bender would crush that baby’s skull like a grape? Shit is getting done. Oh, hold on, I have a call.

Obviously, she was steering with her other breast. What is she supposed to do, not take the call? Let the baby go all hungry and shit? It’s called parenting.

Fuck yeah you will. Because you are mom of the year.



FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

The Republican self-destruction has transitioned from amusing to completely ridiculous. I’d like to say Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s response to Obama’s speech is their bottom, but I really don’t think it is. Republicans appear to be a rare type of animal that have no ability to learn and adapt. It’s not often you get to watch people run into a burning house, but that is exactly what they are doing.

It is, quite simply, amazing to watch.

For those of you who missed Bobby Jindal’s epic career ending speech, take a look.



This is the guy Republicans decided was going to out Obama Obama. Maybe Republicans haven’t noticed, but Obama is pretty good with words. Jindal speaks like he’s meeting each word for the first time. But that’s not even the most disturbing aspect of this mess. The content is the problem –– and it’s something Republicans still don’t get.

For quite a long time, I thought Republicans like Jindal were members of the Reagan cult. But they are not. It is now clear they are members of the George W. Bush/Karl Rove/Rush Limbaugh cult. This speech was littered with lies, spin and shockingly outdated ideas. It’s as if they haven’t learned a thing since 1992. They came to power during a time when the press was, quite simply, not doing their job. Republicans were free to do as they liked, without any sort of pesky oversight. Now these clowns are attempting to operate in the same manner and they are being eviscerated as a result.

Bobby had no idea his remarks would be picked over and analyzed, (because he doesn't know how the Internet works), so he lied. He lied to make Republican policies fit reality. Here’s a tip: If you have to lie to make your policies seem decent –– you’re not doing so well. Here’s another tip: Just because a guy has brown skin, it doesn’t mean he’s the answer to the new black guy.

The fact that Republicans chose this awkward man to make their rebuttal speech is quite sad. This is supposed to be their new shining star. This was the guy who was going to hit it out of the park. Why? Because he is clinging to the same ideas that lost Republicans control of the House, the Senate and the White House. Not only is he sticking with those failed ideas, but he’s also brown. What's not to love? He's saying stuff old white guys say –– BUT HE'S BROWN. It's like God gave the GOP a gift basket, except when they opened the gift basket, they discovered it was full of turds.

Jindal is far from the only Republican who doesn’t realize it’s not the '90s. The new Republican Party leader, Michael Steele, explained to the faithful at CPAC this week that the GOP made some mistakes.

“My bad?” Really? Well, I guess we’re going to act like we’re surfers who just fought over a wave. Yes, your bad with the whole ruining the economy and lying us into war. And in true Republican style, Michael then decided to keep on keeping on.

Good. Keep it that way. CPAC is a disaster for the GOP. Every year, conservatives get together to watch their leaders give speeches they can masturbate to. And the press goes –– and they report back on the insane, completely out of touch nonsense that has taken place. The GOP's rhetoric and fear-mongering about “socialism” is a classic example from this year’s cult gathering.

Totally. Stalin would probably have voted for Obama. Stalin was super into Universal Health INSURANCE. Historians say that each day upon waking, Stalin would say to himself, “How can we get more insurance up in this bitch?” Stalin was all about keeping private businesses, which people need to survive, alive and kicking, instead of replacing them with government run healthcare. If anything, he is best known for working with private companies to implement national health INSURANCE. Oh, and he killed 20 million people.

Every time these idiots open their mouths, they show themselves to be extremists. The last thing Americans want is extremists running the show. We sort of had that for the past 8 years and it didn’t go too well. Republicans should be taking things in a new direction. That’s what anyone with awareness would do after two brutally devastating elections in a row. Instead, they have decided the best thing to do is go full steam ahead, deeper into the valley of lies and insanity.

Totally. Get back to calling Democrats Socialists. Go backwards. Way, way backwards. To a time before the Internet, when one could blatantly lie during the State of the Union rebuttal. Constantly throw the term “socialist” around, even though most people under 30 could give a shit and don’t see it as the terrifying threat the old folks do. Why don’t they see it as a threat? Well, probably because you clowns have been calling people who are not socialists, “socialist” for so long, the true meaning of the label is gone. Poof. You ruined your own boogyman, idiots.

Sure, some of you tools will say that liberals do the same thing. You are right, many liberals called Bush a fascist. Many. Just not THEIR FUCKING LEADERS. Not the people running the party. And they certainly didn’t do it when Bush was insanely popular after 9/11, mostly because they have a brain in their head and the tiniest bit of political awareness. People love Obama. His ratings are very high. Which means the way to beat him is not to attack him and call him names, but to come up with what you consider to be better ideas. By attacking him, you are attacking the majority of people who support him. That’s obviously a FAIL.

But Republicans have decided the way to go is in the direction of willful and blustery ignorance. Those arguing for another way, well…

You're not in good shape when Tucker Carlson is the voice of reason. But that's their answer. “No.”

No to reality.

No to facts.

No to a future.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

America is clearly overburdened with morons. They are a loud, uneducated group of people who live by one slogan: Taxes Are Bad. No matter the situation, taxes are bad, because government is bad. They’ve now gone as far as to start two glorious wars and combined them with some juicy tax cuts, because, if you are going to spend over a trillion dollars, by all means don’t pay for it. They’ve ruined our country with fiscal irresponsibility and they’d like to fix that – with tax cuts. They created a mythological character named Reagan and now they would very much like to follow him to the bottom of the sea. The only problem is, they are going to take the rest of us with them.

The tax-cut-only-Republicans are no different than crazy religious parents who don’t take their kids to the hospital because they believe in prayer. Much like those kids, our country is dying. Taxes are how we pay for this crazy thing called society. With an endless stream of tax cuts, we end up with what we have now: Schools in shocking disrepair, fewer teachers, bridges, roads and highways falling apart, horrible traffic congestion, sicker people, more crime, oh, and enormous debt, which handicaps the government’s ability to deal with recessions and depressions.

But, the government can’t do anything right, so we have to cut taxes. All one has to do is look at the amazing success of Wall Street over the past year to see how brilliant of a statement this is. Or the shocking disaster of privatizing the Iraq War, where private companies turn so many things into colossal piles of shit, at a far higher cost than if the government had done the work. Yes, private companies are the way to success and government is the way to failure. Lewis Black said it best.



Yeah. It’s people. Turns out mistakes can and will be made, whether it is government or private companies. Who would have thought? I’m actually super pleased with our socialized fire departments. Back in the day, they were private companies, but now they are paid for by the government. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. Our crazy, hippy highway system was fucking sweet when the government made it. After years of starving it to death, it has lost a bit of its luster, but still, not bad. Taxes promote general welfare, which is, you know, kind of a good thing.

What are you five? Yes, everybody fucks up sometimes. The fact that you can't see the good the government has done is absolutely pathetic. If your kid makes a mistake, why don’t you take him out in the backyard and kill him with a shovel? I mean, he made a mistake, after all. By all means, don’t attempt to fix the situation. Don’t show him a different way. The idea that the government always screws up is such juvenile and pathetic thinking it is astounding, as is the idea it is not repairable. Completely fucking astounding. You have the analytic ability of a hamster.

More than anything, it’s the rigidity of the position. Saying tax cuts is always the way to go is nothing short of cult like. Always saying government needs to be smaller is childish. Government needs to be more efficient, which has nothing to do with size. Everything needs to be more efficient. We should always be looking for ways to streamline. Unfortunately, we usually don’t notice something is wrong until there is a problem – you know, because we are human beings. We certainly didn’t notice our awesome, kick ass, private mortgage industry was giving home loans to hobos until it was too late. (And if you blame the housing meltdown solely on Freddie and Fanny, you are unread and, really, very stupid).

The Reagan trickle down tax cut policy is now believed to be a sound economic policy by too many people. It is a sham, a fool’s game, a myth and extremely irresponsible. The wasteland that is California is the future of America. And yet, the idea of tax cuts being a healing elixir is believed by so many that Democrats now tout their tax cut prowess. That’s why we’re doomed. People have bought into the idea of “small government," but when asked about individual programs provided by the government, they love them. It’s a broad and stupid argument that has won and will lead to our doom. There is no one-way to do things, there are many. Once you come to believe there is only one way, like the Republican hoard, you are pretty much doomed. I find it baffling that so many hold such ignorant beliefs with such religious veracity. I look around and I just don’t know what’s happening, only that it spells ruin.

Oh, and Reagan raised taxes three times, you clown fuckers.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

These are exciting times for America. A new leader is rising out of the ashes and he could be dumber and brasher than anyone we’ve seen in quite some time. I’m referring to Eric Cantor, Virginia Republican and the GOP House Whip. I would not be surprised to learn that he feeds off brains of the mentally impaired to increase his special skills.

You may remember Cantor from last year, when he threw a tantrum because Nancy Pelosi was not nice to him and stuff during the bailout discussions.



What up, high school? I do love it when a Republican cries like a bitch about someone being partisan. It’s shockingly transparent, horribly ironic, only caters to the base and makes lawmakers like Cantor look like small, small children. This particular tantrum was a total failure, unless one wants to be mocked, in which case it was wildly successful.

Now Cantor is loving his role as the House Whip with the irrelevant party. He’s blowing his wad each and everyday, apparently. This weekend he made a kick ass You Tube video.



Congrats? I know it’s a spectacular achievement to not do anything, especially as a large group. Just the other day, some friends and I were going to go to dinner, then we decided not to. WIN! I quickly made a video using the song “We Are The Champions” by Queen.

This is the new Republican Party. They are seriously embracing the loserism. They have decided to brag, with music, about not doing anything. One of their new emerging leaders, Eric “Fuck No” Cantor, has decided the way to go over the next two years will be to do nothing. And do nothing hard fucking core.

Maybe Eric doesn’t remember 10 years ago, when Newt Gingrich shut the government down because he thought people were tired of the government working. Turned out people were not tired of the government working. Turned out when you just hang around with Republican blowhards, repeating the same points to each other over and over, you start to believe all America thinks that way. Then you try it out and, well, fail, because Americans don’t hate government. They just want it to work efficiently. When Newt shut down the government, he killed his career, so, why not emulate that?

The difference between Newt and Cantor is that Cantor appears to be far, far dumber. At least Newt was riding a Republican wave of success, as a GOP leader who helped take Congress back from Democrats. Cantor is just a shocking idiot who helped lead Republicans to epic losses and would very much like to dig a deeper hole. Americans just stated via their ballots that they are not as Conservative as Congressional Republicans. Cantor, naturally, thinks Republicans should now be more Conservative. Obama just kicked the living shit out of McCain, riding a wave of bipartisan hope. Cantor has decided to respond by being as uncooperative as possible. It’s actually quite stunning to witness, like watching the village idiot lick an electrical wire in slow motion.

Cantor has been open about the fact that he has decided to follow the Newt plan. Oh, and he’s been saying he is also going to follow the Winston Churchill plan.

Damn right. Winston fucking Churchill.

Oh. Oops. But, see, I’m a Republican and we just make shit up about history and go with it.

Expect to see more and more of this over the next two years.

Um. Yeah. Okay.

It’s cute. Too bad for guys like Cantor, the Internet exists. People will forever be reminded that he and his kind voted to add almost a trillion dollars of debt with the Bush tax cuts in 2001. Everyone knows Bush and the Republicans got us here.

I say, go Canter go. Do not do anything to give the American public the idea that Republicans understand the mistakes that have been made and can adapt accordingly. Nope. Just keep on this path and follow Little Newt. Cantor is the perfect man to lead today’s Republicans off a cliff, into a thresher, which will catch on fire, be hosed off, put into a dump truck, taken to land fill and buried.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

Never thought I’d make this comment, but the Democrats are handling Rush Limbaugh with brutal efficiency. For many years, Democrats have been terrified of the right wing sound machine. Show after show, pundit after pundit, all using the same talking points with devastating effect. But now, the worm has turned. The exact structure and group think that made the Republicans strong is being used against them. That’s what happens when you become arrogant extremists entirely outside the mainstream of America.

Let’s face it, Republicans would be nowhere near where they are now if it wasn’t for 9/11. Up until that day, Bush was looking like a very unpopular president. They used the attack to crush the voice of opposition and label the Democrats as wrong on everything. America went along with it. But the scary times are over, the ship is correcting and Republicans are about to go back into their sad, angry place. Who knew Rush Limbaugh would be the key?

Rush is the biggest symbol of the Republican Party. Unfortunately for them, he is a draft dodging, three-time divorced, drug addict, multi-millionaire. Oh, and he is also an extremist. Rush was the main driving force behind the delightful Sarah Palin VP pick. It was an epic choice that freaked America out. Yet, she was and is everything that the crazy right wing lunatics want in a leader. The Palin choice showed Democrats just how out of touch and crazy Limbaugh seems to the majority of Americans. And now they are on the attack.



There you go. This is a very smart move by the Democrats. They are going to paint Rush as the leader of the Republican Party and point out the horrible comments he makes, along with his dismal record as a human being. Obama already fired a shot.

Individual lawmakers also went after Rush.

Last week, Democrats began airing radio ads using Rush’s own words as a wedge (Not hard to do).

Democrats are isolating the doughboy and forcing Republicans to make a choice: Stand beside him and die or let him whither alone. So far, they are choosing to stand beside him. And you really couldn’t attach yourself to a bigger anchor. He is a racist, he is a liar and worst of all – he is the biggest symbol of everything Obama is against: Partisanship. America pretty much chose Obama because he said he could get Republicans and Democrats to work together. The peeps want it to happen. And Rush is the ultimate symbol of the hateful, brutal nonsense that occurred over the past 20 years. He is the big bad.

Last Tuesday, GOP Congressman Phil Gingrey of Georgia, took the bait.

He was, of course, being quite reasonable. But reasonable does not fly with those who now control the GOP. It took one entire day for Gingrey to get on his knees and beg forgiveness from his doughy overlord.

He also called Rush to apologize. It was pretty embarrassing.

This is a complete disaster for Republicans. Democrats will continue to point out, loudly, that Rush is an angry extremist and Republicans will continue to back him up. Republicans really have no answer for this assault. They will circle the wagons and back up Rush to their own detriment. The more they support him, the more extreme they seem. They have no system to fight this type of attack because their entire PR structure is built around no dissent, no infighting, and one voice. They are the Borg. And because of that, their own system is going to work against them.

It’s a death spiral. Watch it and enjoy.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Well, the Republicans sure did fight for their beliefs last week, didn’t they? Quite an impressive move standing up for CEOs during the first bailout, then attacking the workingman during the second bailout. It takes either a huge set of balls or being so distanced from reality that they don’t realize they have once again, decreased their followers. It will certainly backfire, as everything the Republicans do these days seems to.

It is hilariously heinous and a sign of the morally bereft that they would actually claim that Detroit’s autoworkers are paid too much, while also claiming the rich are taxed too much? How fucked up of a human being do you have to hold such fucked up beliefs. They are no better than vermin.

Take the simple minded Tennessee Senator Bob Corker. Bobby believes the horrible unions should accept “parity” with workers from his state. By “parity” he means the workingman should make less, like in his state, where autoworkers of foreign car companies live with discriminatory, anti-labor laws designed to keep wages low. Notice Bob didn’t say this about Wall Street. He failed to mention the insane CEO salaries and ridiculous bonuses of the banking crowd. No, it’s the workingman getting ahead that is dragging our country down. Yes, we need workers to make less money. That is obviously the problem with the auto companies. I can see no other problems. None at all. Other than the horrible unions, the Big 3 put the A in awesome.

So, the answer is to drive down the wage of blue-collar, mostly black workers. Hopefully, at some point, the wages of the workingman in this country will be on par with those in Mexico. Then the companies would really thrive! Hey, Bob, why don’t you make the same as a city councilman in Des Moines? Wouldn’t the federal budget be better off if you Senators weren’t making so much money? Don’t be greedy, Bob. You’re killing your country. Just take the pay cut down to the level of a guy living in a different place, but working in the same business.

Here’s an insane idea: Workers who produce things of value deserve a decent living. I know. It’s like I just wrote the words of Satan. Jesus would be disgusted. It’s also become more and more obvious in the past week that the only way for the workingman to achieve a decent living is through unions. That’s why they exist — because of assholes like Bob Corker.

The auto companies have actually been turning things around. The unions have made quite a few concessions over the past two years and GM, Ford and Chrysler cars are matching the quality of Japanese cars consistently. No excuse can be made for the insane over-production of gas-guzzlers. But the credit crunch is what really killed them, not the unions.

So, why does my headline say this is a massive Republican fail? They blocked the bailout, didn’t they? That will kill the union, won’t it? No.

Bush will bail out the auto companies, mostly because Hoover wouldn’t have. Keeping people employed in times like this is how you avoid a great depression, allowing millions to lose their jobs in this kind of teetering economy is what leads to great depressions. Anyone who knows how to read should understand that. So, Bush will do the right thing and bail out the auto companies — and there will be no strings attached.

Everything the Republicans wanted they will not get. The unions agreed to meet the Republicans demands, but just not in the time frame the Republicans wanted. Now that is gone. There won’t be a “car czar,” there won’t be a plan to place the burden of the bailout on workers, instead of upper management. Basically, Democrats are going to get the auto bailout they wanted from day one. Republicans won’t get shit.

No, actually, that’s not true. They will get something: The loss of support of many, many people in the Midwest whose lives rely on the auto industry. Those people have all watched as southern Republican Senators attempted to protect the interests of foreign-owned auto manufacturers with companies in their states. They watched as Republicans blatantly decided it was more important to blame the workers than the management that had made shitty decisions for years, while they took huge salaries. Republicans have literally come to a place where they are fighting against American manufacturing. That’s an insane stance to take in our country.

The Republicans just withdrew even more into the south. Good luck winning Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota ever again. If they had made a decent, reasonable argument to oppose the bailout, they may have had a chance. But they didn’t. They offered no clear explanation of the dangers of failure. They only attacked the unions. One conservative blogger put it succinctly:

They did not. Because this was not about the economy, or doing what is best for the country. This was about the sticking with exact same rigid ideology that created the Great Depression and stubbornly ignoring the obvious lessons learned from Hoover's and Mellon's tactics. They are literally attempting repeat the exact policies that led to the Great Depression. Next they'll try to balance the budget during this mess, because Hoover was right!

Republicans only attacked the unions. The workingman is under assault, which just happens to be the Republican bread and butter. Democrats won't lose any of their base pursuing the action everyone expects them to take. Republicans will. This was a shockingly stupid political move to say the least.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

The Republican Party is floundering like a gay penis in a vagina. They really have no idea what to do. Some want to go more religious conservative, while others want to go more economic conservative. The choice is obvious if they want to have anything to do with running the country over the next 25 years. They have to move away from the religious nuts. The “I’m okay with destroying the world and the country because Jesus is coming in a couple of years” thing ain’t working. Next month, Republicans will pick their new RNC chair and that will tell us a lot about which way they want to go. I’m hoping for religious nutjob. Let’s take a look at the leading contenders.

Chip Saltsman

Who? He was the powerhouse, mind-man behind the amazing success of non-president Mike Huckabee. Saltsman is being given credit for running Huckabee’s campaign well. Um. Okay. The only reason Huckabee was even close is because he was the craziest religious nut in the race. All the mindless drones punched his ballot for the baby Jesus. But he did outlast Romney and Giuliani, or as they will be known on their new sitcom, The Mormon and Lispy, so he gets some sort of credit. Saltsman was also chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party. Yowza! And a political advisor for Bill Frist’s PAC, as well as development director and the National Republican Senatorial Committee. Wow. That’s an amazing resume of not much. This is whom I want to win. He’s a religious nut and quite inexperienced. Go Saltsman!

Jim Greer

Jimbo is the Florida Republican Party chairman, so he knows how to steal elections, which is a huge plus. After that, his resume is not as awesome. He served two terms on the city council of Oviedo, Florida. And you know the old saying, "As Oviedo goes, so goes America." Also, Oviedo sounds like a brand of soap, which I find to be very attractive. He is less conservative than most other candidates, so I assume he doesn’t have much of a chance. If Republicans go with Jimbo, they could actually regain some power.

Michael Steele

He’s black! Huge plus for Republicans. They really, really want to pretend like they care about black people and putting a black man in charge would do a lot to carry on the myth. Steele is the chairman of GOPAC, which is like the Republican minor leagues. The PAC recruits and helps Republicans get elected to state and local offices. Heard of Sarah Palin She’s a product of GOPAC. So, obviously Steele is a fucking genius. What he is, is a Republican talking point machine.

He chaired the Maryland GOP from 2000-2002 and was lieutenant governor of Maryland from 2002-2006. He then ran for the Senate and lost. Steele believes in a less attack oriented version of the RNC. He doesn’t believe in beating Democrats as much as winning voters. Steele also helped found the Republican Leadership Council.

The Christian Right is very, very opposed to Steele, so his nomination could also swing the RNC to the middle. But he is like any other Republican on all other issues. By that I mean, he is really fucking stupid.

Mike Duncan

He’s the current chairman and he was the big, black guy in The Green Mile. Right? No? If Republicans pick Duncan, it means they think all is well. Some want him, but I can’t see it happening. They are not that stupid, are they?

Katon Dawson

Get your Katon on! Dawson has been the South Carolina Republican Party chairman for 6 kick ass years. It is really hard to get Republicans elected in South Carolina, so he should be praised for his great record. Dude is amazingly good at fundraising, which Republicans totally love. Katon recently held a conference about getting Katon Dawson elected as RNC chairman and peeps from all over the country attended. He has worked hard to bring minorities into the Republican Party. The religious nuts are into him.

Great. Just let us know what the “roots” are, because I see McCarthyism and corruption. Katon is being attacked for being super white, which is weird, considering Republicans usually see that as a feather in the cap. Times are a changing. But in the end, Katon is more of the same.

That’s the failure recipe that brought Republicans to where they are today. Katon is my #2 choice.

Saul Anuzis

Saul has been running the Michigan Republican Party since 2005. Obviously he is flourishing, because Michigan is a huge red state, right? No? He’s a former Teamster. Seriously. Saul is a good PR man and is all about the Republican Party getting its technological shit together. He wants to implement a 50 state Howard Dean type of strategy and actually sounds rather smart.

But then you get to the religious part and, well, the train goes off the tracks.

I can’t believe a guy named Saul is a religious nut. Saul is a big time long shot because Michigan Republicans didn’t produce. But he’s the one who worries me the most.

What he brings to the table is his enthusiasm, his PR savvy, and his knowledge and understanding of why the party needs to change technologically. It would be great if the Republicans took their time getting around to the technology stuff.

Ken Blackwell is also in the running, but he has no chance. His name is too dirty after the 2004 Ohio elections — and he's an idiot.

So, there you go. Take your pick. There are only one or two who can turn the party around, the rest are idiots that bring more of the same.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Will the Republican crying ever stop? It is pathetic to still have to listen to some Republican child whining about the perceived positive media treatment of Obama. It’s absolutely hysterical when you look at the facts. McCain was the media’s boy. They practically gave him rimjobs for months, until he turned into an incapable, angry old piece of shit. Then the media actually did its job. And the right wing douchebags can’t handle it.

The most amazing thing about this incessant bitching is how Bush was treated for the past eight years. As the nation's most shockingly pathetic president, Bush was hardly touched by the press for years. The man is a fucking war criminal and he was constantly given the kid glove treatment by the press. He should have been raped. By words. Seriously. The man should have been raped by words. I don’t know how that works technically, but it should have happened. Every single day.

But let’s move beyond the blatant hypocrisy and look at the actual facts. Before McCain went insanely negative and decided to lie his way to the White House, the press loved him so much they would have cleaned his dirty balls with their tongues. They were his base, according to Chris Matthews.

Aw. That’s nice. Overall, Obama received very fair media coverage.

Hmm. Not so bad, right? Sort of. Turns out the media were more negative toward Obama and positive toward McCain at the beginning, and then it turned. Maybe it started out well because of the McCain media barbeque.

Yeah, that’s some quality journalism. If Obama had held a barbeque for the media, America would have shit pure bile. But nobody said a word about Grandpa McCain grilling up some meat for the media. As a matter of fact, they loved it.

Did he tickle you on the couch?

Must have been awesome. I’m surprised they didn’t start spooning McCain to sleep at night. A flurry of positive McCain stories followed; sometimes reporters slid into a weird man love situation.

Um. Do you guys need me to leave?

Meanwhile, Obama was getting the brunt of repeated negative attacks. His trip to Europe was too much. The media feasted on his connection to Reverend Wright for months. His connection to criminal Rezko was picked through obsessively. One of his consultant’s comments on NAFTA was falsely twisted and blown out of proportion, causing him to lose big in Ohio during the primaries. His lack of flag pin wearing was talked about incessantly. Oh, and was he patriotic? Hmm, better ask the people.

And the wife was not off limits. Michelle made a gaff during a speech about whether or not she was proud to be an American and the media went apeshit. And occasionally she was called a bitch.

She must be a black militant, I mean, she went to Harvard.

The truth of what happened is that the media followed the polls.

The little baby Republicans are just upset because they don’t remember what it’s like to be on the other side. McCain dug his own grave by running the most heinous campaign I’ve ever seen. Lies, racism, more lies and focusing on bullshit points when America was on fire led to his negative media coverage. He dug his own grave. The media coverage was a reflection of the worst run campaign since the mighty Rudy Giuliani.

And the negative coverage wasn’t gone. It ebbed and flowed, like the mind of John McCain.



That big dip before the 2nd debate was when the media was bringing up the Ayers nonsense over and over. It didn’t stick, mostly because our country was in the middle of dying and people didn’t give a shit about some “terrorist” not convicted of anything 30 years ago. What they did care about was the shockingly pathetic choice of Sarah Palin, McCain’s insanely retarded choices during the beginning of the economic meltdown and his angry persona during the debates. Turns out making stupid decisions and being an asshole doesn’t lead to positive stories. While McCain was melting down and making mistakes left and right, Obama was running a smooth and smart campaign, giving the media nothing to attack.

Then McCain began began attacking the media because he was so used to being their lover. No longer were the media editing out footage of John McCain not knowing the difference between Sunnis and Shiites, as CBS had done two months earlier. Now the media were doing their jobs.

And the ensuing election result went as expected. But the right wing and other idiots can’t help but try to rewrite history. Yesterday, Time magazine’s Mark Halperin opened his dumbhole and let loose.

Oh. Let’s have an example, shall we?

Oh, shit. The story really didn’t talk about her awesome mothering skills Who says that without then pulling a hammer out of a bag and hitting himself in the head?

Huh. None of that black militant stuff? This would be due to the fact that they couldn’t find anything. And because the media and the public weren’t biting on the usual bullshit stories. Now, let’s take a look at some ideas Halperin had for McCain early in the campaign. From a list of what McCain should do to beat Obama:

That’s the guy who thinks the positive media treatment of Obama was disgusting. He’s basically Mr. Crybaby Shit Pants. The media didn’t destroy Obama using fucked up and bullshit attacks, so they didn’t do their job. The media didn’t sink to the lows they usually go to, because the nation is literally in peril and the consequences of focusing on issues that don’t matter could be huge. This election was not treated like a game, as it usually is and McCain suffered because of it. In years passed his “the fundamentals of the economy are strong” comment would have been ignored in favor of talk about Ayers. McCain was nothing short of an angry idiot during this campaign and the coverage was a refection of reality. He was a shit candidate and he got the coverage he deserved. Obama was an amazing candidate and he got the coverage he deserved. Get over it you immense babies.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

It’s time for America to get its bailout on again. Detroit has turned into a giant bag of ass and we need to do something about it. They want 25 billion. I say we give it to them. Why? Because I’m a socialist? Nope. Because we are heading toward a deep, deep recession and the last thing we need is to lose 3 million jobs.

So, we can pay for it with a bailout, or pay for it in unemployment insurance, welfare and an increase in crime.

Oh, I know. The car companies are complete fuck ups. No argument here. While the right wing continues its rant that this is the fault of unions, I’m going to actually go with the facts. The mistakes of the auto companies were made at the top. They were made by throwing their weight behind cars like the Hummer, while Toyota was going with the Prius. While Detroit was cranking out Explorers and Escalades, Japan was whipping out the Civic Hybrid. Most of us crazy liberals just sat back watching the retarded actions of both government and the auto companies with depressed amusement. Yeah, I wrote “government.” Bush is very responsible for the current state of the auto industry because he gave massive tax breaks to people buying Hummers and refused to up standards. What we are seeing now is the result of a fantastically shortsighted and heinous energy policy. But, then, what has Bush touched that has not turned into a flaming pile of shit?

Our retarded Republican friends would like everyone to think the auto companies are in this position because of unions. Uh huh. Right. The workers are at fault for the collapse of the company. That’s usually how it works. Please ignore the facts.

The horrible, horrible union has done its part to save the company, so shut the fuck up, you incredible idiots. The estimated cost of health care for each GM car is $1,500. Considering most other countries have universal health care, our auto industry is starting in a hole, which just happens to coincide with the profit difference.



But, the right wing is against health care, so we can’t do that. And we can’t have unions. And we can’t save the car companies with a bail out. Sorry, we just have to let ‘em fold and put 3 million Americans out of work. Then we will not pass an extension for unemployment and they will have to become criminals to survive. Then we will put them in jail where they belong. Fucking criminal assholes.

Automobile companies are in bad shape because they made bad choices. They went for the short sighted big buck, the one that would make them the most in the moment, you know, like all those financial companies we just bailed out. Except, the car company’s actions were stupid instead of criminal. And now they are getting hammered by…right, the credit problem – which was created by a lack of regulation on Wall Street. Companies like GM survive on credit. They need it to pay the companies that produce the parts they use to make cars. With no credit, the whole thing collapses. And it’s the reason we can’t allow GM to declare bankruptcy.

GM won't be able to file Chapter 11.

Sweet. Total liquidation. That should be awesome for any future wars we have to fight. We don’t need those companies to produce equipment for our forces or anything.

What everyone also seems to be missing are Detroit’s advances. The companies are actually turning the corner, and in some cases possibly moving ahead of Japan.

No bailout means kissing the Volt and possibly its technology good bye.

Sounds awesome. The Volt has been in development for a decade, so let’s toss it out the window. It’s totally what we need with peak oil staring us in the face and companies like Tesla falling apart because of the credit crunch.

Or, you know, we could go with the “free market” plan. Let’s see how that would play out.

Sweet. There’s your free market at work. I’m sure the right wing would love our car companies and their technology being owned by the Chinese. Right? Hello?

The bailout needs to happen, but unlike the idiotic one we just gave to Wall Street, it should come with strings. First, fire every asshole working at the top of these companies. Get ‘em out. They are idiots and have been fighting against regulation and EPA standards that would have pushed them in the direction of profitability today. Fuck ‘em. Bring in someone who is innovative and has actually made a lot of money, like a Bill Gates or a Steve Jobs. Make standards and new regulations part of the bailout deal. We have been at a political standstill for years because of the many lawmakers beholden to automakers and their employees. Now it is time to get what should have been done years ago done.

Of course, the right sees this as a way to destroy one of America’s most powerful unions, so they are against it. You’ll see a lot of the assholes who voted for the Wall Street bailout saying this is a bad idea because they want to kill the union. They are okay losing 3 million jobs for ideology. Meanwhile, they can’t handle the idea of universal healthcare and love spending shitloads of money in Iraq. They are amazing idiots. If you support the Iraq War and all it has cost, yet argue against a bailout, please explain to me why I shouldn’t be able to shit down your throat. Because I don’t see any difference between you and a toilet.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

The election is upon us. Today may be the largest turnout for a presidential election is US history. Many people are predicting 130 million voters will turn out, which is unprecedented. The large turnout will happen for two reasons: The first is Barack Obama’s Barack Obamaness. He is the most talented and gifted politician we have ever seen, and he will be our first black president, which has increased voting among minorities to a level never before seen. The second reason for the rise in voters is straight up stupidity. The other side is frightened of Obama because they literally have piles of shit where their brains should be.

I know, I know. This is a new day. I should be kinder and be a good winner. To that I say, “Go eat a dick.” You are a herd of Neanderthals who need to pick up a book (besides the one) and maybe switch to a different news channel. The enormous amount of absolute horseshit many Republicans believe is nothing short of astounding.

Let’s start with the Muslim rumor. How fucking dumb do you have to be to believe Obama attended an anti-American Christian black church AND that he’s a Muslim? Can you please hit yourself in the head with a pipe, you horrendous vacancy of a human? A recent poll found that 23% of Texans believe Obama is a Muslim.

None of you should be allowed to vote. You should be deported to Idiotistan. Or better yet, we should give Texas back to Mexico. For free. Just take it. Not only did you give George W. Bush to the world, but you are apparently becoming dumber. Emails are not fact, they are letters, written by an asshole you know, which should give you more pause. If I believed every email my father sent, I would be locked up in a halfwit farm. There is zero evidence showing Obama is a Muslim. Zero.

Next up, people who think Obama is a socialist should give themselves a home lobotomy. At least you would then have an excuse for being such an ignorant asshole. Your complete lack of understanding of different types of governments is nothing short of shocking. You are so simpleminded I’m surprised your dogs don’t feed you, instead of vise versa. According to your definition of “socialism,” EVERY country on the face of the Earth is socialist. That’s how fucking stupid you are. If you believe “spreading the wealth” is socialism, you just called Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Dwight Eisenhower socialists. You should have a sixth grade civics book crammed up your anus. You should not be allowed near a ballot.

Next, many people actually believe Barack Obama is a communist.

There is a significant group of Americans who actually believe Obama is a communist. They are beyond hope, beyond redemption. They are a stain on humanity. Here is their leader.



Wow. The only thing Victoria Jackson has less of than talent is intelligence. This is what happens when you only read the Bible and listen to Fox News. Oh, and watch 1984 and think that someone “being on TV a lot” equals 1984. Calling Barack Obama a communist is indefensible. I honestly don’t know how someone can be this obtuse and exist in the world. They are the enemies of intelligence, and therefore the enemies of democracy. Morons like Victoria Jackson should be feared far more than terrorists because they are more dangerous.

Next up, Obama pals around with terrorists. They are, of course, speaking of William Ayers.

Aside from the ridiculous use to the word “pals” to describe Barack Obama’s association with William Ayers, the idiots who use this phrase have gone with the plural. Terrorists. There’s an “S” on the end. As in, “Stupid,” “Simpleton,” and “Shitbrain.” Either that or William Ayers is going to split into two different humans soon. The connection is so far fetched, anyone using it as an excuse not to vote for Obama suffers from a medical condition known as “fuck pie brain.”

Insects should look down upon you. The constant use of the phrase, “Obama should come clean about his connections with Ayers” is so sophomoric and pathetic it is astounding. Why don’t you come clean about your goat fucking?

See how that works, you colossal fucking moron?

Of course, you idiots then take it a step further: Barack Obama is a terrorist. Really? I mean, you seriously allow that to escape from your mouth, without a tinfoil hat on your head or following it up with, “Corn is murder!”

Do you even know what a terrorist is? What has he blown up, I mean, besides today’s popular vote? And how do you survive being so dumb When you eat, do you just cram food into your mouth without chewing and then wonder why you can’t breathe? Because that’s what you do with thoughts and facts.

Many of you tools actually believe Obama is a Muslim terrorist plant who wasn’t born in the US. You actually think he was born elsewhere, because his birth certificate is “fake.” See, terrorists foresaw 47 years into the future and planted a mole baby. They knew that the baby would succeed and become president because he was black and had a crazy Muslim sounding name. That’s just how America works. Idiots write this nonsense. I’ve seen the emails and the comments attached. Many of these insults to the human race actually believe a story that is almost as fantastical as the story of Jesus. They are literally people who do not have the ability to feel embarrassment.

Oh, and how about the fact that Obama kills babies? Not just the kind that are aborted as fetuses, but actual babies. You idiots actually believe Obama supports infanticide and burning children alive. I think when he is finished killing babies he eats them. Some he puts on stakes around his home to ward off pro-lifers.

Anyone who believes just a fraction of any of the above ideas is an embarrassment to Democracy and humanity. Even though Obama will clearly win today’s election, it has made us stare directly into the face of the mass of American idiots and say, “What the fuck?” There is a massive group of voters in the country who are shockingly stupid. They believe Obama is a terrorist, communist, socialist, Muslim, baby killing, heretical Christian. Please combine two of those accusations and see how they work.

Know many Muslim communists? No? How about socialist terrorists? Are they a big danger to America? How about baby killing socialists? No? Communist heretical Christians? No? What about heretical Christian Muslims? What about baby mole socialists? How about baby killing baby mole terrorists?

Even though this election will be a sound thrashing, it also confirms how many Americans are a complete waste of skin.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Image courtesy of the New Yorker.

Now that we are getting down to the final days of the campaign, it’s time to take a look at how Republicans will steal this election. Bush stole the 2000 election by purging voters from voter rolls in Florida. Tens of thousands of mostly black “felons” were removed from the voter rolls by Kathleen Harris and Bush won by a tiny number of votes. Then in 2004, the election was stolen in Ohio via several insane tactics, like removing the press from a building where votes where being counted due to “national security reasons.” Election officials in Ohio have been convicted of charges related to their handling of the recount. You’d have to be a fucking moron not to believe the election was stolen in that state in 2004.

So, now here we are, facing another theft as Republicans do everything they can to prevent Americans from voting. One of the big attempts to stop people from voting in Ohio was thwarted by the Supreme Court last week.

Republicans were attempting to force the Secretary of State of verify new registration cards of 200,000 voters. There simply wasn’t enough time to do so and it would have disqualified many voters for things like spelling errors. Remember Joe the plumber? His name on the registration rolls has an “o” where a “u” should be, which would mean he would not be able to vote if the Republicans got their way –– all because some election worker couldn’t read his writing. Because the vast majority of new voters are registering as Democrats, this would have had a big negative effect on Obama voters.

Nine million new voters have registered for this election. Those are the people the GOP is targeting. The ridiculous ACORN charges, which CNN said, “looks like a fraud perpetrated on ACORN, not by ACORN,” , are just a way of gumming up the works. In some states, voters can be challenged at the polls, causing delays for other voters and forcing the challenged voter to cast a provisional ballot. Provisional ballots are not treated in the same way; many are left uncounted, being tossed out for technical reasons and because of lawsuits. This is the main crux of the Republican attack: People will impersonate voters and vote illegally.

So, it's a lie, plain and simple. But reality won’t stop Republicans. They are filing lawsuits and investigating wherever they can, regardless of the facts.

Ooooo, a “variety of sources.” Well, then by all means, intimidate and disenfranchise voters. And don’t just do it in one part of Ohio, or it wouldn’t look like a planned effort.

And be sure to use the same excuse.

Ooooo, “telephone calls from concerned people.” Oh noes! I wonder who they are?

These are classic Republican tactics. They won’t actually steal the votes, they will do everything they can to prevent people from voting in the first place. The people they are targeting are mostly blacks and college students.

It is happening everywhere. Whatever they can do to stop people from voting.

And the focus seems to be on certain states. You’re not going to believe this, but they are the important ones.

The reason this is “a new trend” is because of the Help America Vote Act of 2002. The law gave money to states to update the voting equipment and centralize their voter databases. Republicans are now using the centralizing of information to purge voters. If the name on your registration card does not match the name on your drivers license or Social Security number, you are tossed. So, people could be losing their right to vote because of a clerical error. Pretty great, huh?

The GOP is throwing every thing against the wall and seeing what sticks.

Thank God Republicans are looking out for fraud, or else some guy might vote when he shouldn’t –– and tens of thousands won’t be able to vote at all.

If we're talking about voter fraud, we are obligated to look at Florida.

That’s all great, because the Social Security Administration’s record for matching voter registrations is stellar.

And you’re not going to believe this, but the Florida Secretary of State is a Republican. Shocking, I know. Of course, it’s not as shocking as Republicans admitting they want to stop people who lost their homes from voting.

Across the country, early voters are already experiencing long lines.

Can’t wait to see how things zip along on election day, especially in areas with high African American populations and college voters. It is so blatant and obvious that when Republican Congressman Tom Davis was asked about it, he said the GOP would never engage in voter suppression –– as a joke.



Hee hee. We’re undermining democracy.

The attacks on ACORN are simply intended to create chaos at the polls on Election Day, in order to delay and discourage voters and lay the seeds for accusations of theft if Obama actually is able to overcome the current deficit he finds himself in. At least, that’s what the McCain camp
is saying.

Even though the right wing screams and loses their Borg-like mind over ACORN, the only person who has actually been arrested for voter fraud this year is a Republican.

Yesterday police arrested Mark Jacoby, the owner of Young Political Majors, a firm hired by Republicans to register voters. He is facing felony charges of voter registration fraud and perjury. Oh, and unlike ACORN, it’s a company actually committing voter fraud in different states

Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? People can still vote, right? Well, it actually is an effective tactic.

Unlike ACORN, this GOP voter fraud is actually serious.

I’m sure the right wing blather machine will jump all over this story. If you want to know what this scumbag has been up to, I suggest reading BradBlog.

Republicans are working hard to steal this election, while keeping Democrats on defense with the ACORN allegations. One only needs to look at Colorado to see what is going on. The state has significantly increased its population since 2004, but there are 100,000 fewer voters registered. Greg Palast believes the suppression tactics have led to 2.7 million registration being tossed out.

Republicans are doing everything they can to steal another one. If they succeed, expect them to point at two excuses. One is complacency, which was recently handed to them on a silver platter by Obama and other Democrats. The other is the “Bradley Effect,” a mythical election theory, which assumes voters tell pollsters they will vote for a black man, but when they are in the booth they can’t bring themselves to do it. It is named after former Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley and assumes he lost his two races for governor because of this theory. The Bradley Effect is a complete load of bullshit. It never happened.

But none of that matters. Republicans have the script, with the reasons why Obama suddenly lost, even though polls expected a crushing victory. If they do, Democracy in America is officially dead.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

In what may be the most pathetic villain campaign since the War on Christmas, Republicans have picked a new bad guy: the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now. You may know them as ACORN. As you can see in the name, they are community organizers, those horrible people Sarah Palin mocks for trying to help the poor. I’m sure Jesus would hate them, too. ACORN has been busy signing up new voters, which means they are largely poor, minority voters. That means Democrats. That means Republicans have to portray another group working to better our country via democracy as evil.

This recent hate barrage against ACORN started when the press began writing about the huge number of people the group was registering.

So, what to do? Accept that your party is quickly becoming the second fiddle of American politics and adapt to the situation by changing your platform, or attack the people taking part in democracy? Well, if you’re a Republican, the answer is obvious.



Yes, attack the community organizers! And tie in Obama, even though his connection is tenuous at best. So tenuous that it is not even worth discussing.

This isn’t new; Republicans have been after ACORN for years. It’s kind of like watching a CEO beat up a homeless woman. Expect the next month to be filled with attacks from sexual harasser Bill O’Reilly, drug addict Rush Limbaugh and anti-Semite Sean Hannity. Maybe when they are done, they can kick a nun in the face.

ACORN hires low-income people to register other low-income people. They get paid per registration, so you can see how the operation would be susceptible to scumbags looking to make a few bucks without doing any work. It’s the nature of the beast. But, here’s the exciting thing: Fraud such as this does not in anyway effect elections. Why? Because filling out a fake registration cards to make a few bucks does not mean that someone will be voting. It means that person does not exist and therefore cannot vote. You actually have to exist to vote. There have been zero instances of this type of “voter fraud” occurring. This is what the Attorney General scandal is about. The Bush Administration wanted US Attorneys to go after these people, but the prosecutors found zero evidence of fraud and those who refused to prosecute because of the lack of evidence were fired.

That being said, ACORN does everything it can to stop this type of criminal activity. The organization attempts to authenticate every registration submitted by workers but our laws force them to turn in every registration form, whether fraudulent or not. See a problem there? ACORN flags the registration forms they believe are fraudulent, but still, they must turn them in. Then Republicans scream their asses off like a bunch of douchebags, “ACORN is committing voter fraud! They've turned in thousands of fraudulent registration forms!”

John Curley is a douchebag. Deep down he knows that and it causes him internal pain. Hopefully he works that out before he dies. It’s really wretched stupidity and an affront to Democracy. Our system was set up to deal with these sorts of occurrences.

No shit? Who would have known? This is exactly what happened in Nevada this week. The Vegas chapter of ACORN was about to have a potluck dinner (elitists) to celebrate signing up 80,000 new voters, when they were raided.

Let’s see. Getting my calculator out here. 80,000, 300, uh…that’s .3%. Holy shit! Put them in jail! And ignore the fact that the system is set up to catch problems like this! And ignore the fact that 79,700 people were legally registered by this group. And ignore the fact that ACORN was forced to submit those forms BY LAW and flagged them as fraudulent!

Yes, raid a community organization that is cooperating with you. That’s some quality law enforcement. And, hey, as a by-product, there’s no good news in the papers about 80,000 new registrants. What a shock. But there are a few tidbits indicating law enforcement officials knew this was a case of individual fraud and not the entire organization.

Now, Republicans will explain this was not a partisan attack because the Nevada Secretary of State and Attorney General are Democrats. Uh huh.

The US Attorney’s Office –– here we are, back at the Republican machine and the root cause of the Attorney General Scandal. The scandal in which employees of the White House still refuse to honor Congressional subpoenas.

This vilifying of community organizations has led to heinous voter ID laws in states like Indiana and massive Republican intimidation at the polls. Republicans will use ACORN to cause chaos at the polls and challenge voters when they show up. Because what ACORN has done is reprehensible, while Republicans around the country do what is right.

Thank God they care, or those .003% of registration cards flagged by ACORN would have gotten through and people who lost their homes in Michigan would be able to vote.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Turns out Democrats can be just as horrible, hateful people as our GOP friends. This week Democrats in a couple of primaries took the low road with ugly religious and gay attacks. It’s really sweet to see the supposed liberal party go to depths many Republicans would not.

First came Democrat Nikki Tinker, who is running against Democratic Representative Steven Cohen for Tennessee’s 9th district seat. The election is today and Nikki is apparently down in polling, so she took the lowest road possible. It’s a road Hitler would have been proud of. Her latest ad is far from subtle.

Yeah, what is that Jew doing in your churches? And how dare that Jew uphold the Constitution of the United States by voting against prayer in schools. I wish I could show you the ad, but Tinker pulled it from You Tube due to complaints.

This isn’t the first time Cohen’s religion has come into the race. Over the past few months, black ministers have passed out these fliers:



Nikki Tinker has refused to denounce the fliers. The black ministers began to circulate them because of Cohen’s support for federal hate crimes legislation to protect gay rights. Go Democrats!

Oh, and don’t forget about Cohen’s KKK connections.



That’s about as low as it gets - and it's coming from a Democrat. Meanwhile, Cohen is a freshman Congressman who sounds like a decent legistator.

But he’s not black and he’s a Jew and Nikki Tinker is making sure everyone in the district knows. Hopefully she loses the election today.

Some equally vile conduct is occurring in Kansas, home of ignorance. Gail Finney, a marketing consultant and vice-chairwoman of the local Democratic Party, was in trouble going into the final days of the primary for the state's 84th District House seat. But yesterday, she defeated Inga Taylor, a black lesbian, by using the classic GOP “here comes the gay agenda” attacks in the final days of the campaign.

Using a “coordinated mail, e-mail and phone campaign,” Finney was able to swing voters and win easily. Here’s a sample of an email that went out.

Oh, my God no. They might change the name to Lesbichita.

The Victory Fund realized how serious the anti-gay attacks were on Tuesday and asked Kansas governor and serious vice president contender, Kathleen Sebelius, to denounce Finney’s tactics. Sebelius did nothing. If there's one thing you can always count on from Democrats, it's that they will run away from their beliefs during election time.

Go Democratic Party! Feel the pride.

FearTheReaper is a comic, writer and actor. You can read more of his babbling on his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Wow. Here we are. Who knew we would make it another week and enjoy the horrors of the Asshole Fuckface Roundup together? Sadly, I had much to choose from this week. Some of the Fuckfaces only received a second place nod on my blog. I gathered the rest together so that your eyes may feast on the depths of mankind. And here they are. I’ve scoured the news for the worst people on Earth, so that you may feel better about yourself by looking down on them. So, put on a giant plastic lampshade because this is going to be horrible.

First up, Dubai shows us their Asshole Fuckface skills.

Dubai has gotten a bit of a reputation as a place where the rich go to play. That is all well and good, as long as they aren’t gay. This week Dubai “cracked down” on gay people.

Thank God you Asshole Fuckfaces cracked down on the terrible crime of men wearing women’s clothing, while you walk around in white moo moos. A Dubai paper claimed 40 were arrested. Nobody can explain the difference in the numbers.

Right. That and they arrest people for having less than a grain of salt worth of pot on the sole of their shoe. Here’s a tip: Don’t visit Dubai. Ever.

Next up, our gay hating Asshole Fuckfaces.

South Carolina doesn’t like being called gay. Not at all. A lot of Asshole Fuckfaces in the state are upset with a London Tube ad that claims, "South Carolina is so gay."



The ad was created by a London gay tour operator to encourage tourism to “gay-friendly” areas. I guess that didn’t work out so well.

Republican State Senator David Thomas lost his straight shit.

Right. And it will cause gay confusion.

Dude, beaches don’t have a sexual preference. Just a tip. Also, you are a horribly uptight, straight man who is scared of gay people. How much do you want to bet there are “gay beaches” all over the place and no one told you?

Uh oh. Them’s fightin’ words. Did you just call my beach “gay?” Huh? I’ll kick your ass.

The posters also advertised the gay-friendly cities Atlanta, Boston, Las Vegas, New Orleans and Washington, D.C. No one gave a shit in those cities. But South Carolina refused to pay the $5,000 advertising fee, asked that the posters be removed, and a state employee was forced to resign. Good work.

Next up, an Asshole Fuckface needs to stop the party.

Meet Robert Hood, of Caldwell, Texas. He’s 44-years-old and he is just getting the party started. Holy shit is he getting the party started.

Hood was arrested for a DUI on Sunday in Omaha, Nebraska, July 4 in Mitchell, South Dakota, July 7 in Deadwood, South Dakota, and on July 8 in Platte County, Wyoming. I am very impressed by anyone who is arrested two days in a row in two different states for DUI. It’s time for Bobby to get a bumper sticker that says, “Can’t Stop The Party.”

Ready for the good news?

The system works! Seriously, though, a real life Ronnie Dobbs is out there, people. Stay low.

Next up, some Asshole Fuckface parents have no boundaries.

Stephanie Martinez was working as a clerk at Pizza Patron in Denton, Texas last weekend. Suddenly, a robber burst in, wearing a wig and sunglasses and said, “Give me the money!” Stephanie began emptying out her register, when the other clerk went Charles Bronson on his ass.

Uh. I’m sorry, what did you say? Turns out the entire family is chock full O’ Asshole Fuckfaces. The wife was also arrested. Oh, and Stephanie sort of knew what was going on.

Oh, that’s cool. Seriously, no worries. As long as she didn’t know it was specifically going to be the pizza place she works at, we’re cool. She sounds like a great woman and nothing like her father.

I’m not.

Stephanie isn’t very close with her father, mostly because of the jail thing.

Really? Well, he just tried to reach out to you; maybe you should give him a chance. Stephanie’s mom, dad and husband were all arrested. Stephanie is free to breed and keep this genetic marvel going.

And, finally, the many Asshole Fuckfaces of the Republican Party.

You know you have taken the wrong position when you have to blatantly lie to get people on your side. The current ridiculous talking point of the right wing is that “not a drop of oil was spilled” during Hurricane Katrina.



It’s obviously a talking point, because they are all saying the exact same line. All of the Asshole Fuckfaces were allowed to repeat a lie on a major news channel without a reporter questioning the validity of their statement. They appeared on CNN, CNN Headline News, Fox Business Network, Fox News, and MSNBC.

Here’s the truth, and I included a pretty picture.



Due to hurricanes Katrina and Rita, there were 124 offshore oil spills that released a total of 743,700 gallons of oil. The largest single spill was 152,250 gallons, which is considered to be a “major spill.” Onshore, there were 595 oil spills. Altogether, 9 million gallons were spilled. Just to compare, the Exxon Valdez spilled 10.8 million gallons.

Nine million gallons or not a drop. Easy mistake to make. Finally, yesterday, one of the only decent journalists in America (who Hillary Clinton tried to get fired) questioned the bullshit talking point.



Jesus. She just lied again to cover for her lie. Spills and seeps cannot be compared.

This is going to be a long summer of Asshole Fuckfacery.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces. You each win a FearTheReaper leather helmet.

The current Democrats are the weakest, most spineless fucks ever to grace the halls of Congress. After months of attempting destroy the 4th amendment, it seems they have finally succeeded – and their reasoning is more disgusting than the Republicans. Democrats are destroying the Constitution to gain a few votes in swing states. At least the Republicans stand for something, as vile and sickening as it may be.

In case you hadn’t heard, the House passed a FISA bill last week. Headlines could have easily read, “George Bush Wet Dream Turns Out To Be True.” The bill gives immunity to telecom companies who broke the law and expands warrantless wiretapping. That’s exactly why Americans gave Congress back to the Dems in 2006 – so they could help Bush use the Constitution as toilet paper.

Think I’m exaggerating? Here’s what Republicans said about the bill:

Holy fucking shit. “Better deal than they even had hoped to get.” Why not just say,

Even I am shocked at how the Democrats appear to be totally spineless, completely fearful and entirely lacking principles. They embody everything the Founding Fathers were opposed to. A party like the Republicans was expected, which is why the framers created a system that would put a stop to their insane power grab. What was not expected was that the opposing party would go along to gain a few votes and to pad the bank accounts of corporations.

So, what did the Dems give up? Well, the President broke the law – apparently committing these things called “felonies.” Bush spied on our phone calls and emails without warrants because he believes he is above the law. The House voted to protect the President from prosecution, permanently block lawsuits that would have revealed what he did and at the same time, legalized the illegal spying in the past and in the future. House Democrats called it a “compromise.”

This is the kind of compromise where you don’t want to have sex with someone, so you let them fuck you in the ass. The Democratic version of “compromise” always means the Republicans get what they want. In this case, only one Republican voted against the bill. One the other hand, 105 Democrats “compromised.” They were totally bipartisan! Yeah, Washington!

Senator Russ Feingold said it best…

Well, don’t worry about that, because the Dems got their buddy telecom companies a "get out of jail free" card.



Hey, no worries. I’m sure the Founding Fathers would have been totally cool with the President opening and copying every piece of mail they received from overseas. Why would they have a problem with that? When has that kind of power ever been abused?

Here’s how this is going to work from now on: Our courts can no longer determine if the government was actually after a terrorist or innocent Americans - or opposing political parties. (You fucking retards.) Judges will actually be barred from examining the actual reasons for the spying. Judges will only be allowed to dismiss lawsuits based on spying – the Attorney General will have all the power to say whether or not the spying was "designed to prevent or detect a terrorist attack." This would be the same Attorney General who can’t figure out if waterboarding is torture – or whether or not members of the Bush White House are in contempt for refusing to testify in front of Congress. Yeah, that guy. The Dems just gave that guy all the power.

Once the Attorney General utters the secret words, judges cannot look into the issue any further. It’s pure lawlessness – like the Wild West, without those oppressive Sheriffs. Judges don’t get to actually decide whether or not the Attorney General is making a valid claim. Once he says the secret words, it’s over.

And bestest of all, the Dems did it to pick up a few seats. Right now they have a 35 seat majority in the House and they want to build that shit up to 50. So, fuck the Constitution, let’s get some Dems up in that bitch!

Phew! Thank God you made those districts competitive!

This is a fantastically moronic view of where the country is at this time. Dems made massive, nearly unparalleled pick ups in 2006 – because Americans want the Bush White House to be held in check, yet the Democratic answer is to give him everything he wants, so they won’t lose seats in the next election. They are so cowardly and stupid it is shocking. Karl Roves entire election strategy in 2006 was built upon FISA and national security, attempting to brand the Dems as weak on terrorism. And yet, the Democrats cleaned the GOPs clock. Republicans were obliterated. And apparently the Democrats learned nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada.

Democrats believe the way to show how awesome they are, is to trample on the Constitution. Trampling isn’t even the right word. This is obliteration.

And just to add a little icing on the coward cake, they took a page out of the Patriot Act handbook. House members were only given 24 hours to read the bill and decide on whether or not they should shit all over our rights. Just seems like a few years ago Democrats were complaining loudly they were only given 24 hours to read the Patriot Act before voting on it. And now they are doing it to themselves on a bill that also destroys our civil rights. Well done.

Our neo-con morons will say this bill was necessary, because we need to prevent another 9/11 before it occurs. They argue that if the telecoms aren’t given immunity, they won’t want to help us catch terrorists. Everyone seems to forget that the warrantless wiretapping program started BEFORE 9/11. I’m going to write that again, for the idiots. The warrantless wiretapping program started before 9/11. Got it, you fucking dipshit? (Not you, the idiot who believes the Bush bullshit. The coward who is willing to throw out everything this country stands for, so they can feel save in a place that will never be attacked, like Alaska.)

By the sounds of it, Dems have enough votes to overcome a Dodd/Feingold filibuster. Obama is coming in soft on this one. Previously he vowed to do all he could to stop the bill, now he is basically saying we need the bill, although he has said he will try to get the amnesty removed. Either way, if the bill passes and Obama votes for it, I will not vote for him for President. Sorry, can’t support someone who tosses away the 4th Amendment. Hello Jesse Johnson!

In the future, you will turn on the news and hear a court dismissed all the lawsuits against telecoms. You won’t know why. You won’t know what the government said to have the cases tossed. The plaintiff’s lawyers won’t know either. The judge won’t be able to say a word. No one will know. Just Bush and his boys. Ah, sweet democracy – given to you by the Democrats.

Feel free to take a look at this video of George Washington University Law Professor Jonathan Turley (far from a liberal) as he describes what this bill does to our Constitution.

Way to go Democrats. Don’t forget to donate to the Dems this elections cycle. They know you will, because they know you fear the other side more. Too bad there really isn’t much of a difference. Oh, wait, there is. One party is full of complete and total cowards who have no principles. The other stands for what they believe in.

You can still call or email your Senator to put a stop to this bill. If you don't know what to say or write, check this shit out.

Holy shit, who invited a man to the party? Yesterday, Barack Obama stood up and acted more like a man than any presidential candidate I’ve ever seen. The Republican Party in Tennessee decided it would be a super idea to attack Michelle Obama, but Barack told them to back their shit up. And it was impressive.



I like the end, just before he remembered to smile. That was a, "Keep it up and I'm going to kick the shit out of you" moment.

That clip will go down as one of the most important in this campaign. That’s what men who care about their wives do. Nobody gets to talk shit about my wife or disrespect her while I’m around. It’s just not going to happen. Maybe that’s chauvinistic, I don’t really give a shit. You want to talk shit about my wife, you better be prepared for what you have coming. End of fucking story.

The Republicans seem to think being a tough guy means attacking countries that have no ability to defend themselves against our incredible firepower – or to talk a big game. George Bush’s “Bring it on” comment is a pretty classic example, as was his ridiculously stupid invasion of Iraq. All the right wing talking heads lap it up and proclaim the Democrats to be weak, spineless creatures. At the same time, these big bad GOP men launch endless verbal assaults against Democratic politician’s families.

One needs only look at the attacks on Hillary Clinton while Bill was in charge of the White House. It was endless. And they even went after Chelsea Clinton. In 1998, John McCain made a joke about Chelsea at a Senate fundraiser.

For me, this is Sonny Corleone time. If I was Bill Clinton, I'd get on a plane, fly to wherever the old man is and break his nose. Obviously, the president can’t do that. But I'd sure as hell call him out. I’d call a press conference, walk out to the White House lawn and tell McCain to come on up and say it to my face. I’d look into the cameras and make sure America heard one thing:

Besides being the right thing to do, it would score so many political points it would be insane. Most men in America would want to kick the shit out of a grown man who called their daughter ugly. This was the most relatable moment Barack Obama has ever had.

This is the kind of shit Republicans have been able to get away with for years – and it needs to stop now, with Michelle Obama. This latest attack will go down as a tremendous backfire. Barack knows how to frame it. Honestly, I got a little tingly watching it. My wife called me and said, “That’s exactly what you would say.” It is. Barack Obama just stood up and acted like any other man who cared about his wife would. Welcome to the world of relatable politics, you calculating GOP fucks.

Attacks on a politician’s family are the ultimate act of cowardice. I don’t give a shit if McCain was shot down over Vietnam and then spent five years as a POW; his entire slate was erased when he made a public joke about Chelsea Clinton. The man is a fucking coward. He’s trash. Let’s take a look at the difference between how the two men treat their wives. From 1992...

Sorry, when I get tired I call my wife a "cunt." That man is common trash. That moment was witness by three reporters. I’ve got some man rules in my head and that doesn’t match up with any of them. It does meet my "weak fuck" criteria, however.

Obama seems to be cut from a different cloth. It’s rare to see a politician have an uncalculated moment of honesty, but I’ve seen more from Obama in his short time in the spotlight than all other politicians combined. One thing is for sure – yesterday we saw a man stand up and tell a bunch of punks to back the fuck up off his lady. And that man just won over a lot of men in America. The game just changed. Thanks, GOP, for being a bunch of classless cowards.

FearTheReaper understands this is a feminist website, but on some shit he’s old fashioned. Deal with it.

The big news during this primary season is not Barack Obama, but the shit kicking Republicans have taken in three Congressional districts. Illinois, Louisiana and Mississippi have given the GOP a glimpse of the future – and it is one ugly sight for the right wing. In each of these states, a Republican stronghold district was holding a special election because the GOP incumbent retired. And in each district, the Republicans lost to a Democrat. Losing in these areas would be like a Democrat losing in San Francisco. Expect a brutal bloodbath in November.

It’s the perfect storm. Republicans are stuck with the most unpopular president of all time, an unpopular war, a horrible economy and a fired up Democratic base. Many GOP lawmakers are retiring because their orgy days in Congress are over. So far, 30 Republicans lawmakers have retired or won’t seek re-election, compared to only 7 Democrats. Turns out the GOP suddenly found themselves unpopular with lobbyists and voters, alike.

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert announced his retirement last year and his seat was up for grabs during the March 5th Illinois primary. Republicans spent a massive $1.2 million on a seat that they held for two decades. That amounted to 20% of the Republican Congressional Committee’s total cash on hand – and they were spending it in a district that hadn’t been competitive for decades. In 2004, Bush won the district 55%-44%. This is deep in Republican land.

Yet, local businessman and Democrat Bill Foster won the seat easily, with 53% of the vote. Not a good sign for John McCain, who campaigned and raised money for the Republican loser. And not a good sign for the GOP “Iraq is going super” mantra. Foster is strongly opposed to the war, while the Republican loser kept saying the surge was working. Not so much.

Next up on the Republican shame train was May 5th in Louisiana. Republican Richard Baker retired from Congress after 11 terms. The district he represented had been in GOP control for 33 years and, like Hastert’s seat, was largely a conservative and rural district. Serious Republican country – or it was, anyway.

Republicans also spent heavily in this Louisiana special election, dropping $1 million on radio and TV ads trying to link Democratic candidate Don Cazayoux to Barack Obama (black guy) and Nancy Pelosi (lady). FAIL. Cazayoux squeaked by with a 49% to 46% victory. That is an incredibly pathetic number for a Republican candidate in a conservative district, one that was actually redrawn in 2000 to make it even “more reliably Republican.” Richard Baker had won the previous 2 races with 72% and 83% and in 2004, Bush won with 59% of all votes. Now Republicans aren’t even hitting that all-important 50% number. Welcome to the world of grim.

Finally, on Tuesday night, Democrat Travis Childers easily beat his Republican opponent in a conservative Mississippi district. By “easily,” I mean 54% - 46%. That’s a fucking ridiculous number for a Democrat in a Republican stronghold and means a serious anal rape for the GOP come November.

This was as safe a seat as Republicans have. In 2004, the district voted for Bush by a margin of 62% to 37%. The GOP had a decent candidate named Greg Davis, who didn’t bring any baggage. Trent Lott, Mike Huckabee, Dick Cheney and Haley Barbour all showed up and campaigned with Davis. The Republican Congressional Committee spent $1.3 million, Davis spent over a million and Freedom Watch spent $500,000. And they went as pathetic as possible with their ads.



Black guy, black guy, lady! Oh, my God!

And yet, it resulted in a spectacular Republican FAIL. It is inconceivable that Republicans lost this seat and a harbinger of doom. The GOP can do nothing to stop the brutal devastation heading their way. Well, that’s not true, they can lube up and relax their sphincters. EVERY Republican seat is now officially in play. You will see them attack each other and even their God, George Bush. It only took 8 hours for a Republican House member to take a shot at El Presidente.

Tommy is the representative for the city of Babytown. Here’s a tip, Tommy: For the past eight years, when Bush was putting forth the most retarded policies of all time, you probably shouldn’t have been tickling his balls and taking his load into your mouth. When Americans turned against the war, you probably shouldn’t have done everything in your power to keep it going. When Bush put forth his insane tax cuts during a time of war, you probably shouldn’t have acted like they were the second coming of Jesus. You are spineless, deluded cunts and the suffering coming your way is of your own making.

And just in case you don't get it, here’s where you stand, you ignorant shit beast.

The public believes Democrats are better than Republicans on most important issues by massive margins.

On the economy, Democrats now have a 14-point advantage over the Republicans.

On Government Ethics and Corruption - 45% now trust Democrats, while just 26% prefer the GOP.

On National Security and the War on Terror, 49% of voters now trust the Democrats more, while 42% trust the Republicans more.

On Iraq, Democrats hold an 11-point lead over the Republicans.

Congressional Republicans can blame Bush all they want, but they are at fault spending the past eight years acting like NAMBLA on a boy fuck-trip to Bangkok. Without a care in the world, they plundered our country and indulged in the most selfish and unethical acts democratically elected officials could. They aren’t even a party anymore. The GOP is a just a brothel, created to service corporate cocks in their angry, wet holes. Let the suffering begin.