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I know FTR linked the earlier, un-cut version as part of a larger Burma piece, but today the official Rambo trailer debuted online.

I'm not sure how the movie will do, but the trailer had to overcome Rocky-esque obstacles in order to succeed. And, of course, it totally did. (Rocky 1-4-esque obstacles, not 5-esque. But definitely 3... um, -esque.)



And here's the unrated one, which is so good, it's actually better than any three other Stallone films. Not counting Rocky. Or, Over The Top. I've seen it roughly two dozen times.



How does it not suck? Yeah, I don't know either. It really should. Completely and without question, and yet... it kicks some dick.

I mean, first of all, Stallone is in his sixties. That sounds made up, right? No, he's fucking sixty-one. Hardly your prime ass-kicking years. Do a search, in the last year, how many guys in their sixties jumped up into a jeep, swung a machete into a dude's throat, and totally lopped the guy's head off? Now add the phrase "while defending the US of A against evil villains." Yeah. Not counting serial killers, I'd be surprised if more than a few dozen accounts popped up. My point is, it just isn't something you do as much, once you hit the big 5-0. It's almost as if those "World's Greatest Grandpa" mugs were built from some sort of strength-sapping ore.

Then, let's face it, appearance-wise, he looks a little like the bloated version of Sylvester Stallone that hit the talk show circuit back when the latest Rocky was in theaters. That's sort of a first. He looks like the actor, not the character. I can't explain it. I mean, Rocky looked like Rocky, but... something's missing here.

Of course, there's also that HUGE WAR we're currently in. It's filled with actual death and actual bombs and people tend to take it pretty seriously. I've noticed that people faced with the loss of loved ones in a war don't often want to see the onscreen exploits of a made-up, totally ridiculous war hero played by a guy who lives in a mansion.

How about the fact that Stallone is no longer a box office heavyweight. I've never been a huge fan but, that was a shock, the day I figured that out. Perusing the aisles of my local video store during the early nineties. Picking up an interesting looking box cover. D-Tox? What the fuck is this? Oh... Oh no, direct-to-video? Not you, Sly... Damn you, God, is no one safe from the fickle tastes of the movie-going public?!

Apparently, none of this means shit, cause that trailer is not fucking around... Holy Hell, let's hope the movie is even half as good...




TheCoolerKing wants to know if "we get to win this time?"