I listen to Indie 103.1 a lot, cause I'm a size 26, worn out corduroy-wearing, ironically afro-ed tool with a Pez collection, and over the last few weeks I've been subjected to about a thousand listens of something I assumed HAD to be an ad for a new sketch comedy show.

Two girls "girl-talking" about their desire to find what is apparently the holy grail of dating... A GUY WHO SMOKES POT.

A partial transcript, from memory:

Sidebar - I understand the urge to overuse a newly minted slang-verb is all consuming... but, spread it out a bit. After all, it only takes one time too many to ruin it for all the other 420-ers.

I'm stunned. Not a sketch, not a joke. A dating site for potheads. This was a product created to alleviate the huge problem that is, simply... the fact that not enough guys are sitting around getting high and those that are, are IMPOSSIBLE to find. A group at the top of a list, which, presumably, contains the equally sought after categories: unemployed men, commitment-phobes and dudes under 4'11".

Isn't the best way to market this the reverse approach? Guys looking for 420-ing (sorry, turns out it's fun to type) ladies?

Beyond that, is this honestly the quality in another person you'd like to single out as "what you're looking for"? I love to drink but I'd be pretty wary of a fuckin' "whiskybuddy.com," site.

Here are a few of the moments where I'd have assumed the people involved with this project would realize it's not a great idea. The moment they thought of the idea. The moment after that. The hour. The moment they told someone else. The moment before that person went to open their mouth to respond. Any time during the next hour. The moment before securing the domain name. The moment before it went live. Any sober moment.

There's also a resident "sexpert" on the site dubbed MaryFourTwenty who's there to answer all your sex and relationship questions. I propose we abandon the over-used "sexpert" in favor of "forni-caterer."

"A-fuckcionado"?

Your pick.

Shortly after the completion of this article, a sheepish, not-proud TheCoolerKing checked to see if whiskybuddy.com actually existed.

Christmas is only half a year away, and boy do I have the perfect gift for that dope-smoking miscreant in your life: a DVD called Never Get Busted Again. Filled with helpful tips, the DVD teaches how to properly hide your stash, outsmart pesky canine cops, and a a myriad of ways to defy Johnny Law and keep your weed hidden from his prying piggy eyes. It’s sure to please all manner of drug-users, and anyone else who has some shit to hide from the fuzz. Like… terrorists, maybe.

How do you know the drug-concealing methods contained within Never Get Busted Again will work? Well, they were developed by Barry Cooper, a former ass-kicking Texan narcotics officer. You just know he's hardcore when you see the cop-stache he had back in the day. And he has certificates. Having rejected his do-gooder ways, Barry is now the newest soldier in the War against the War On Drugs, and he’s willing to sell you his expertise for only $19.95. ($29.95 gets you a bonus disc about “Hidden Compartments.”) Here's Barry after a hellacious bust:



According to an excellent article by the AP, for the past six months Cooper has been selling the DVD through his website and several smoke shops. With over 10,000 copies sold (supposedly), that’s a whole lot of immorality being spread amongst the masses. But Cooper doesn’t see it that way:

Ok, so the DVD itself is legal, got it. But in attempting to penetrate Barry’s burning cloud of stoner logic, I’m left a little disoriented. According to Barry, because the law is already “being broken,” telling people how to break the law isn’t considered helping them break it… because the law is already broken. Uh…sure dude. But wait! I can counter his argument with by using stoner logic against him: what if someone took some glue or resin or something and “repaired” the broken law? Then it would be… fixed? No. Stupid fucking logic, Barry.

Oddly enough, I’m not Barry’s only critic. The wacky weed warrior and his cannabis crusade have stirred up quite a few emotions, including jealousy, prissy annoyance, and disappointment.

Aw, whatever. An ex-cop turned burnout needs to make a living too. And there’s something charming about this guy… you’ll know what I mean when you see the video. He used to own a car dealership, then a limo service; at some point he tried promoting cage-fighting, and he’s worked at a church, too. But he didn’t turn to high-er education until his home was raided by the police in 2005. He had quit the force years before, but he claims it was this event -- when the police allegedly “bruised his children” -- that made him realize cops do more harm than good.

Sure, Barry. Either way the footage is hilarious -- and informative, if you're into that. Once you get past his Dr. Phil-like speech pattern you'll realize that he's pretty aware that his viewers will be incredibly high while they watch this, and he caters to them by talking slowly and incorporating props, like his chef’s hat. Here are a few preview clips from Never Get Busted Again, and keep an eye out for his next video, Never Get Raided, coming in September.

Canines


Traffic Stops


Conceal Your Stash

Flip through the August 24 issue of Rolling Stone to catch a whiff of an ad for the new season of Weeds, Showtime’s sitcom about a pot-dealing suburban mom.

The network has inserted scent strips into the magazine that smell just like a Phish concert. However, the U.S. Office of National Drug Policy Control seems to think the sniffing will lead to toking. Says Tom Riley, director of public affairs:

Showtime is also distributing brownies (without herbal improvements) in Los Angeles, Boston and New York to take care of the inevitable munchies. No complaints yet from obesity watchdog groups.

The season premiere of Weeds airs tonight.


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