I’m not exactly a fan of traditional beauty pageants, but the upside is they’re supposed to provide a steady legion of Stepford women who are supposed to enjoy travel and looking after animals and children. John McTainted’s newly announced vice-presidential running mate Sarah Palin is the exception to this rule. Palin won the Miss Wasilla title in 1984 and placed second in the Miss Alaska competition, but she’s no ordinary beauty queen.

There’s no doubt Palin loves kids (in a soap opera-worthy plot twist a recent DailyKos blog post even alleges she claimed her 16-year old daughter’s child as her own), but she perhaps takes it a little far; The pro-lifer even opposes abortion in the case of rape and incest.

Her personal experience beyond U.S. borders is also seriously lacking; The flat-earther (she supports teaching Creationism alongside evolution in schools) got her first passport in 2007, and has traveled to a grand total of three countries outside the United States (Germany, Ireland and Kuwait).

As for her attitude towards animals –– just ask a polar bear –– she’s their public enemy number one. In May of this year, Palin vowed to fight the Bush administration’s decision to place the great white beasts on the endangered species list since it interfered with her cronies lust for fresh Alaskan oil from beneath their soon-to-be-protected habitat. That makes Palin, who doesn’t believe that man is responsible for climate change, even less eco-friendly than George W. Bush –– quite an achievement.

If you need more reasons not to like Palin consider this: She’s a member of the NRA and enjoys hunting. She’s opposed to same sex marriage, and even fought to prevent domestic partners from receiving health benefits. She supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, strip mining, and a multitude of other activities that are guaranteed to fuck up our planet. (Doesn’t this chick know that good planets are hard to find?)

McDesperate’s heavy-handed pandering to Hillary’s disappointed legions of supporters is an insult to their intelligence and a fine example of his poor judgment under pressure. Talk about an own goal. But though McDoofus’s V.P. choice may ultimately retard his chances of election, Palin’s rather special brand of feminism may also set back the cause of women thanks to her newly elevated profile.



Polar bear image courtesy of WWF/Geoff York.

Our war against evil polar bears should be wrapped up by 2050, according to scientists. That is the projected year that there will be very, very, few polar bears on the Earth. Then we will have to deal with a massive seal explosion, but bats are being prepared as I write.

I guess Coke will have to find a new mascot, which is upsetting.

The US Geological Survey created the report, which is part of a review to determine whether or not polar bears should be put on the Endangered Species List. Currently there are 22,000 polar bears running around the planet, murdering things. But as temps heat up, sea ice melts and polar bears die.

Yes! It will like we have created polar bear quarantines, which they deserve because they are similar to lepers. Except they kill with their giant paws and gnashing teeth, instead of an infectious disease. Thankfully, there will be no polar bears in Alaska, which means no polar bears in America.

Regardless of what action the world’s governments decide to take on greenhouse gases, the Arctic ice cap will continue to shrink for the next 50 years, so the bears are fucked. This summer the ice shrank faster than any year since satellite tracking began in 1979.

The Fish and Wildlife Service will determine whether or not the polar bear will be placed on the Endangered Species list in January.