Asshole Fuckface Roundup #96
Many people think Asshole Fuckfaces are a dime a dozen. You could not be more wrong. Since ancient times, my family has been searching out Asshole Fuckfaces and dragging them into the light for all to see. There is a specific criteria for selecting Asshole Fuckfaces and while I cant reveal exactly what it is, I can tell you it involves tears, cucumbers, fishnet stockings, tuna fish, sand paper and knit caps. Trust me, it works. Now, put on your best tear proof poncho because this is going to be ugly.
First up, a little Pakistani Asshole Fuckfaci.
Ayman Udas has been growing in popularity as a singer. It wasnt easy because she came from the North West area of Pakistan, which is sometimes known as Holy Shit, What The Fuck Is Wrong With Those People-istan? Being divorced mother of two, Udas personal life also seemed to be going well as she remarried two weeks ago.
Last week she performed on PTV, a state run channel on which she was frequent guest. She sang her song, I died but still live among the living, because I live on in the dreams of my lover. Trim that title down a bit and she might have a hit. Or, you could get a hit because your brother killed you for being on television.
Ashamed of her growing popularity her two brothers are reported to have entered her flat last week while her husband was out and fired three bullets into her chest. Neither has been caught.
Isnt that what brothers are for? To kill you when you sing on TV? Im sure they feel super good about themselves right now.
Usman Khan, her husband, told police in a statement that she had been killed by her brothers because they could not come to terms with her musical career.
He said: She was killed for breaking her family traditions.
You know, there is also this thing called, Cutting off.
Next up, lets move to Europe for some Asshole Fuckfacope.
Some medical professionals in Poland dont really get it. Sure, they wanted to do the right thing, they wanted to make sure people dont get sick, but they are Asshole Fuckfaces, so their morals are a bit off. Three doctors and six nurses were looking for a vaccine for the bird flu -- and they found one. Sort of.
The medical staff, from the northern town of Grudziadz, are being investigated over medical trials on as many as 350 homeless and poor people last year, which prosecutors say involved an untried vaccine to the highly-contagious virus.
Hey, thats not at all like a shitty B movie plot.
Authorities claim that the alleged victims received £1-2 to be tested with what they thought was a conventional flu vaccine but, according to investigators, was actually an anti bird-flu drug.
The director of a Grudziadz homeless centre, Mieczyslaw Waclawski, told a Polish newspaper that last year, 21 people from his centre died, a figure well above the average of about eight.
That didnt work very well, but, whatever, it's not like they are real people.
Although authorities have yet to prove a direct link between the deaths and the activities of the medical staff, Polands health minister, Ewa Kopacz, has said that the doctors and nurses involved should not return to their profession.
It is in the interests of all doctors that those who are responsible for this are punished, the minister added.
You, sir, are a fucking genius. I dont know if there could be a greater example of a total lack of ethics in medicine.
The news of the investigation will come as another blow to the reputation of Polands beleaguered and poverty-stricken national health service. In 2002, a number of ambulance medics were found guilty of killing their patients for commissions from funeral companies.
Never mind. I found one.
Next up, more Congressional Asshole Fuckfacery.
Our Representation is fucking ridiculous. Even in times of extreme financial hardship, our lawmakers cannot find it within themselves to do the right thing for the everyday man. This week, the Asshole Fuckfaces voted against a proposal to change bankruptcy laws to allow judges to cram down mortgage payments for homeowners who are screwed.
Basically, "cram downs" allow the judge to lower mortgage payments for homeowners who owe more on their home than it is worth. The homeowner has to have also exhausted all other available options. These loan modifications are extremely effective at reducing foreclosures.
Senator Dick Durbin authored the "cram down" proposal and, of course, the Senate voted against it. Whats awesome is taxpayers gave trillions to banks, who then used that money to lobby against cram downs. And it worked. Welcome to double anal.
Durbin explained the situation in plain terms.
At some point the senators in this chamber will decide the bankers shouldnt write the agenda for the United States Senate. At some point the people in this chamber will decide the people we represent are not the folks working in the big banks, but the folks struggling to make a living and struggling to keep a decent home.
Not going to happen, Dick. Meanwhile, the mortgage bankers celebrated. Maybe thats because they are super rich. See, judges are allowed to do cram downs on their vacation homes, investment properties and even luxury yachts, while the middle class and poor cant have the same deal for their only home.
We are completely and totally fucked as a nation with these people running the show. You really shouldnt see this any other way.
Finally, some FEMA Asshole Fuckfacery.
Who doesnt love a 9-11 coloring book? I think they are great for kids. Im going to put one on the shelf right next to my sons Holocaust pop-out book, his Rape of Nanking connect-the-dots book and his New York Slave Auction audio-read-along book.
Sadly, FEMA has decided to pull its 9-11 coloring book, mostly because its a 9-11 coloring book.
The Federal Emergency Management Agency has removed a children's coloring book from its web site following criticism over its inclusion of drawings of the September 11 terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. The coloring book, titled "A Scary Thing Happened," is geared towards helping kids "cope with disasters," and was prepared by a Minnesota crisis response team.
Be sure to use the orange crayon for the fire, the gray for the smoke and blue for the people jumping out of the towers to their deaths.
The coloring book's cover montage includes a drawing of one of the Twin Towers on fire as a plane approaches the second building.
Fuck yeah. Its called coping you little babies. Now, color in the horrible thing that makes daddy queasy.
Apparently, parents didnt care for it.
"They like to color happy pictures not pictures like that. I don't think I would like to give my child these kinds of pictures to color," Brandy Greer told the Fox affiliate.
Good call. Maybe rabbits and dogs are good for coloring, not fiery death. FEMA also included some helpful words for the kids.
After telling them that "everyone is different" FEMA recommended, "If you still have nightmares or stomach aches for more than 2 months after the disaster, ask your parents to find someone you can talk to about your troubles."
Word. Also, dont look at our coloring book because it will give you nightmares and stomach aches.
FEMA has removed the book.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper
Afghanistan: Where Do We Go From Here?
There's a few articles floating around this week that don't paint a pretty picture for the ongoing war in Afghanistan, weeks from a new President being sworn in who promised to shift the military's focus away from Iraq and to the war there.
From The Associated Press:
Army Gen. David Petraeus, who became a household name overseeing the war in Iraq, now oversees the older, smaller and less promising fight in Afghanistan as well. He predicted a long war in Afghanistan, without quantifying it.
Petraeus told a Washington audience that a winning strategy in Afghanistan will look different from the one in Iraq. He offered few specifics as the incoming Obama administration assess its options in the 7-year-old Afghanistan war that has gone much worse than anticipated, just as U.S. fortunes have improved in Iraq. He also suggested the United States and its partners may one day have common purpose with Iran, another Afghanistan neighbor, in stabilizing and remaking that country.
Afghanistan is something of a forgotten war, compared to the causalities of the Iraq war, the causalities of Afghanistan have been relatively light, 561 members of the U.S. military have died. Of that number, 408 have been the victims of enemy action. However, over a quarter of all deaths came last year, there were a 151 deaths in 2008, marking the worst year for military deaths in the seven-year conflict.
Even less encouraging is the release of a new independent study showing that the U.S. had "unrealistic goals" in the Afghan conflict.
The United States and its partners have shortchanged Afghanistan by focusing on short-term goals pursued without a cohesive strategy or a clear understanding of the way the poor, decentralized country works, an independent study concludes.
Without editorializing too much its not a major surprise that the Bush administration ran headlong into something without a cohesive plan, an exit strategy, or a well-articulated end goal. The report stresses something most of us have probably not really considered in these terms:
The Bush administration has had all but eight months of its entire tenure to stabilize Afghanistan...
Which doesn't speak volumes for the two-term Bush Administration, and leaves quite a bit for President Obama to clean up.
It isn't just a matter of increasing violence, the tactics of the Taliban are changing as well, according to the Seattle Times:
Taliban fighters increasingly are deploying precision marksmen to fire on U.S. troops at greater distances throughout opium-producing southern Afghanistan, according to the top two commanders for the southern region.
The increased use of marksmen is the latest Taliban shift to asymmetrical warfare and away from confronting U.S. troops in conventional fights, commanders said.
The expanded use of precision marksmen comes as the fighting shifts from eastern Afghanistan to the south, where the Taliban are trying to protect opium production, which is reputed to be its economic base.
The number of coalition troops killed in southern Afghanistan has increased sharply in the past two months.
Tactics are changing on the ground in Afghanistan, Admr. Michael Mullen, current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff says:
I think the level of violence in 2008 surprised us all. The sophistication of the tactics of the insurgency surprised us all.
None of which bodes particularly well for the incoming Obama Administration, and the ongoing conflict in Gaza isn't helping much either:
Hundreds of people in southern Afghanistan have burned Israeli flags and shouted anti-Israel and anti-American slogans to protest Israel's military action in Gaza, according to eyewitness accounts from a CNN stringer.
According to to the CIA World Fact Book Afghanistan has a population of about 34 million people, so hundreds of them protesting might not sound like a major issue, but if we're being at all realistic, we have to recognize that Israeli's actions and our continued support of them –– right or wrong –– are stoking a fire in the Muslim world and the eventual backlash could be a terrifying sight to see.
Worse still, it's long been a recognized problem that Al-Qaeda members have been slipping across the border into northern Pakistan, retreating to regroup and rearm before returning to Afghanistan to fight American forces. And the situation there has not been improving as Pakistan fires their national security adviser for arguing that Indian and Pakistan should have closer ties and for allegedly being too "pro-American."
Pakistan's decision to fire its national security adviser has exposed cracks within the shaky, civilian government as it faces growing U.S. and Indian pressure to punish the alleged plotters of the Mumbai terrorist attacks.
...
Political analyst Talat Masood said Durrani's national security appointment was controversial from the start because some considered him too pro-American — so the government may have been looking for a pretext to get rid of him.
In addition to Gen. Petraeus' comments regarding the ongoing battle he adds:
Petraeus linked Afghanistan's fortunes directly to Pakistan's, where a U.S.-backed civilian government is struggling and the country's ability to control militants along its border with Afghanistan is in doubt.
Tensions have risen considerably between India and Pakistan in the wake of the recent attacks in Mumbai. If conflict comes about, one wonders what effect it could have on Pakistan's border with Afghanistan as the U.S. prepares to step up its efforts there. Pakistan has already moved troops from its Afghan border to its Indian border.
The reported movement of troops toward Pakistan's border with India on Friday raised the threat of war between the two nuclear-armed rivals and will distract Pakistan from fighting Taliban-led militants, security analysts said.
The end result of all this is a more porous border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, while the population may begin to turn against U.S. forces and the insurgents change tactics to become more effective.
If that were not enough, there's also the big question of where all Afghanistan's heroin is going and how much all this is going to cost.
The future of Afghanistan looks bleak right now, and I offer this as news and not commentary since I have no answers, just a long, ugly list of observations and questions as to where we go from here.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #62
This week was an avalanche of Asshole Fuckfacery and Im glad you survived. I know you survived because you are reading this. Thats how alive works. The Republican Convention was like an Asshole Fuckface explosion and we should just all be thankful a hellmouth did not open in Minnesota. After seeing all the attention given to the governor from Alaska, we at the Roundup have decided never to utter her name again. Henceforth, the governor will be called by her proper name, The Female George Bush. Never has so much Asshole Fuckfacery been squeezed into one human being. The Asshole Fuckface Roundup sees a very evil future for The Female George Bush and expects her to make many appearances in the Roundup, so for now she will be ignored. But there are many other Asshole Fuckfaces slithering around the Earth and I have selected the worst of the worst for you to gawk at. So, put on your favorite plastic horse blanket because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some genuine pathetic Asshole Fuckfacery from Hollywood.
There was a time when David Zucker made good movies, like Airplane. That time was known as the 80s. Now David is an old Asshole Fuckface who wouldnt know funny if was jammed into his head with an ice pick. Oh, and Zucker is conservative. And he has decided to make a conservative comedy movie. Plug up your asshole, because this could actually cause you to involuntarily release.
Island paradise Cuba. Get it! Its communist, which is NOT paradisey. At all. Because its COMMUNIST. Get it?
I love America, thats why it needs to be destroyed. Ha ha ha. You know why thats funny? Because there is not a hint of satire, wit, a twist or irony, its just exactly what the right wing thinks of him. Get it? Its kind of how a 4th grader would write comedy. Just go look at You Tube and youll see some similar stuff made by grammar school kids.
Moore is going to abolish July 4th! Weeeeeeeeeeee.
Heres the thing about comedy. Funny first, point second. Not point first, second, third, forth and fifth, then comedy sixth.
Oh, and the more hitting, falling down and slapping the better the comedy. We all learned that from Dane Cooks comedy masterpiece Good Luck Chuck.
Next up, some Pakistani Asshole Fuckfacery.
If you have a vagina, I hope you are not born in the remote Pakistani village of Baba Kot. Turns out some teenage girls in the village decided they wanted to choose their own husbands. Can you image? The gall, thinking they are human beings.
The local Asshole Fuckfaces took care of the teenagers.
They were said to have been abducted at gunpoint by six men, forced into a vehicle and taken to a remote field, where they were beaten, shot and then buried alive.
That pretty much defines the term overkill. Can it get worse? Hell yes, its Pakistan!
A Pakistani lawmaker defended a decision by southwestern tribesmen to bury five women alive because they wanted to choose their own husbands, telling stunned members of Parliament this week to spare him their outrage.
"These are centuries-old traditions and I will continue to defend them," Israr Ullah Zehri, who represents Baluchistan province, said Saturday. "Only those who indulge in immoral acts should be afraid."
Um. Burying teenage girls alive is sort of an immoral act. Just a tip, you disturbing, backwards Asshole Fuckface.
Zehri told a packed and flabbergasted Parliament on Friday that Baluch tribal traditions helped stop obscenity and then asked fellow lawmakers not to make a big fuss about it.
A big fuss? Would it be a big fuss to cut off your cock and shove it in your mouth? Because that is how I would like to shut you up.
Next up, our own religious lunatic Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a plan for the next president.
All across the Christian blogosphere, people are thrilled that the Female George Bush is the Republican nominee. But they still dont like John McCain, so what to do? How about pray for him to win and then die? Thats what crazy anti-abortionist John Rogers is saying.
2. Hope and pray for McCain/Palin to win.
3. Pray for John McCain's salvation and pray specific imprecatory prayers if he fails to pro-actively defend the sanctity of human life.
To imprecate means to invoke evil upon, or curse. Before Rogers blog started to get attention, he actually said, Pray for McCains death. He has since changed it to imprecatory prayers. Here are some imprecator Psalms from the bible.
Psalm 35:5 - May they be like chaff before the wind.
Psalm 55:15 - Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the grave.
Psalm 58:6 - O God, break the teeth in their mouths.
Psalm 69:28 - May they be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous.
Psalm 109:9 - May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.
Psalm 137:9 - How blessed will be the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.
I guess any of those will do for McCain. Then theres this guy and his photoshopping skills.
Heyooooooo! Thats some SERIOUS Asshole Fuckfacery.
McCain's VP choice, Sarah Palin, suddenly made me want to vote for him, as long as the LORD smites him while he's in office.
Well, its a solid idea. Hope that works out for you, and good luck with your future challenges.
The only thing that worries me is if I will be drawn into temptation to masturbate and fornicate by her charming, stunning looks.
The Lord has provided you with many temptations, Asshole Fuckface. And he attempted to provide everyone else with those temptations.
For those of you that doubt her good looks, you may venture here if you so dare. (The LORD is making my computer fail to copy an image of her for usage on this website, so this must mean something. If you arent married, do NOT follow that link!) However, I think that working to ban pornography, including obscene images of Mrs. Palin, should ensure that I do not fall for the lies of false erections.
Obviously, hes got a good head on his shoulders. I fell for a lie of false erections 7 times last week.
Next up, Fox News Asshole Fuckfacery.
No, actually, not a coincidence.
co·inci·dence (kō in′sə dəns)
1. An accidental and remarkable occurrence of events or ideas at the same time, suggesting but lacking a causal relationship.
The definition you are looking for is this:
Asshole Fuckface.
ˈas-ˌ(h)ōl ˈfək fās
A stupid, incompetent, or detestable person who to causes others to experience anger, contempt, or disgust.
Finally, some good old fashioned southern Asshole Fuckfacing.
Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland has just about had it with Barack Obama trying to act like he's equal to white people.
"Just from what little Ive seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they're a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they're uppity," Westmoreland said.
At that point the reporter he was talking to gave him the opportunity to clear up his horrible, racist comment. And he passed.
Asked to clarify that he used the word uppity, Westmoreland said, Uppity, yeah.
Then a day went by and the AP asked Westmoreland what the fuck was up with the uppity comment?
Westmoreland said he didnt know that uppity was commonly used as a derogatory term for blacks seeking equal treatment. Instead, he referred to the dictionary definition of the word as describing someone who is haughty, snobbish or has inflated self-esteem.
He stands by that characterization and thinks it accurately describes the Democratic nominee, said Brian Robinson, Westmorelands spokesman. He was unaware that the word had racial overtones and he had absolutely no intention of using a word that can be considered offensive.
Yeah, obviously. What white guy from the Georgia would know uppity was an offensive comment? What a complete and total Asshole Fuckface. Georgia probably invented the word uppity. Westmoreland isnt exactly on the side of African Americans, either.
Westmoreland led opposition to renewing the 1965 Voting Rights Act. He also was one of two House members last year who opposed giving the Justice Department more money to crack unsolved civil rights killings.
How's your hood?
Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces! You will each recieve a brand new FearTheReaper saddle!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #62
This week was an avalanche of Asshole Fuckfacery and Im glad you survived. I know you survived because you are reading this. Thats how alive works. The Republican Convention was like an Asshole Fuckface explosion and we should just all be thankful a hellmouth did not open in Minnesota. After seeing all the attention given to the governor from Alaska, we at the Roundup have decided never to utter her name again. Henceforth, the governor will be called by her proper name, The Female George Bush. Never has so much Asshole Fuckfacery been squeezed into one human being. The Asshole Fuckface Roundup sees a very evil future for The Female George Bush and expects her to make many appearances in the Roundup, so for now she will be ignored. But there are many other Asshole Fuckfaces slithering around the Earth and I have selected the worst of the worst for you to gawk at. So, put on your favorite plastic horse blanket because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some genuine pathetic Asshole Fuckfacery from Hollywood.
There was a time when David Zucker made good movies, like Airplane. That time was known as the 80s. Now David is an old Asshole Fuckface who wouldnt know funny if was jammed into his head with an ice pick. Oh, and Zucker is conservative. And he has decided to make a conservative comedy movie. Plug up your asshole, because this could actually cause you to involuntarily release.
Island paradise Cuba. Get it! Its communist, which is NOT paradisey. At all. Because its COMMUNIST. Get it?
I love America, thats why it needs to be destroyed. Ha ha ha. You know why thats funny? Because there is not a hint of satire, wit, a twist or irony, its just exactly what the right wing thinks of him. Get it? Its kind of how a 4th grader would write comedy. Just go look at You Tube and youll see some similar stuff made by grammar school kids.
Moore is going to abolish July 4th! Weeeeeeeeeeee.
Heres the thing about comedy. Funny first, point second. Not point first, second, third, forth and fifth, then comedy sixth.
Oh, and the more hitting, falling down and slapping the better the comedy. We all learned that from Dane Cooks comedy masterpiece Good Luck Chuck.
Next up, some Pakistani Asshole Fuckfacery.
If you have a vagina, I hope you are not born in the remote Pakistani village of Baba Kot. Turns out some teenage girls in the village decided they wanted to choose their own husbands. Can you image? The gall, thinking they are human beings.
The local Asshole Fuckfaces took care of the teenagers.
They were said to have been abducted at gunpoint by six men, forced into a vehicle and taken to a remote field, where they were beaten, shot and then buried alive.
That pretty much defines the term overkill. Can it get worse? Hell yes, its Pakistan!
A Pakistani lawmaker defended a decision by southwestern tribesmen to bury five women alive because they wanted to choose their own husbands, telling stunned members of Parliament this week to spare him their outrage.
"These are centuries-old traditions and I will continue to defend them," Israr Ullah Zehri, who represents Baluchistan province, said Saturday. "Only those who indulge in immoral acts should be afraid."
Um. Burying teenage girls alive is sort of an immoral act. Just a tip, you disturbing, backwards Asshole Fuckface.
Zehri told a packed and flabbergasted Parliament on Friday that Baluch tribal traditions helped stop obscenity and then asked fellow lawmakers not to make a big fuss about it.
A big fuss? Would it be a big fuss to cut off your cock and shove it in your mouth? Because that is how I would like to shut you up.
Next up, our own religious lunatic Asshole Fuckfaces have come up with a plan for the next president.
All across the Christian blogosphere, people are thrilled that the Female George Bush is the Republican nominee. But they still dont like John McCain, so what to do? How about pray for him to win and then die? Thats what crazy anti-abortionist John Rogers is saying.
2. Hope and pray for McCain/Palin to win.
3. Pray for John McCain's salvation and pray specific imprecatory prayers if he fails to pro-actively defend the sanctity of human life.
To imprecate means to invoke evil upon, or curse. Before Rogers blog started to get attention, he actually said, Pray for McCains death. He has since changed it to imprecatory prayers. Here are some imprecator Psalms from the bible.
Psalm 35:5 - May they be like chaff before the wind.
Psalm 55:15 - Let death take my enemies by surprise; let them go down alive to the grave.
Psalm 58:6 - O God, break the teeth in their mouths.
Psalm 69:28 - May they be blotted out of the book of life and not be listed with the righteous.
Psalm 109:9 - May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.
Psalm 137:9 - How blessed will be the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.
I guess any of those will do for McCain. Then theres this guy and his photoshopping skills.
Heyooooooo! Thats some SERIOUS Asshole Fuckfacery.
McCain's VP choice, Sarah Palin, suddenly made me want to vote for him, as long as the LORD smites him while he's in office.
Well, its a solid idea. Hope that works out for you, and good luck with your future challenges.
The only thing that worries me is if I will be drawn into temptation to masturbate and fornicate by her charming, stunning looks.
The Lord has provided you with many temptations, Asshole Fuckface. And he attempted to provide everyone else with those temptations.
For those of you that doubt her good looks, you may venture here if you so dare. (The LORD is making my computer fail to copy an image of her for usage on this website, so this must mean something. If you arent married, do NOT follow that link!) However, I think that working to ban pornography, including obscene images of Mrs. Palin, should ensure that I do not fall for the lies of false erections.
Obviously, hes got a good head on his shoulders. I fell for a lie of false erections 7 times last week.
Next up, Fox News Asshole Fuckfacery.
No, actually, not a coincidence.
co·inci·dence (kō in′sə dəns)
1. An accidental and remarkable occurrence of events or ideas at the same time, suggesting but lacking a causal relationship.
The definition you are looking for is this:
Asshole Fuckface.
ˈas-ˌ(h)ōl ˈfək fās
A stupid, incompetent, or detestable person who to causes others to experience anger, contempt, or disgust.
Finally, some good old fashioned southern Asshole Fuckfacing.
Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland has just about had it with Barack Obama trying to act like he's equal to white people.
"Just from what little Ive seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they're a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they're uppity," Westmoreland said.
At that point the reporter he was talking to gave him the opportunity to clear up his horrible, racist comment. And he passed.
Asked to clarify that he used the word uppity, Westmoreland said, Uppity, yeah.
Then a day went by and the AP asked Westmoreland what the fuck was up with the uppity comment?
Westmoreland said he didnt know that uppity was commonly used as a derogatory term for blacks seeking equal treatment. Instead, he referred to the dictionary definition of the word as describing someone who is haughty, snobbish or has inflated self-esteem.
He stands by that characterization and thinks it accurately describes the Democratic nominee, said Brian Robinson, Westmorelands spokesman. He was unaware that the word had racial overtones and he had absolutely no intention of using a word that can be considered offensive.
Yeah, obviously. What white guy from the Georgia would know uppity was an offensive comment? What a complete and total Asshole Fuckface. Georgia probably invented the word uppity. Westmoreland isnt exactly on the side of African Americans, either.
Westmoreland led opposition to renewing the 1965 Voting Rights Act. He also was one of two House members last year who opposed giving the Justice Department more money to crack unsolved civil rights killings.
How's your hood?
Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces! You will each recieve a brand new FearTheReaper saddle!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Great. We Have To Torture Us
We are in a bit of a quandary. For years now, the U.S. has been at war with terrorism which is weird, because terrorism is a tactic, not a thing. But, whatever. Our war on terror has been going on since 9/11. Were losing. Weve pretty much made every wrong move possible in this global conflict and the blow back will be severe and horrible. One only needs to look at 9/11, which was blow back for our involvement in the Russian-Afghanistan war and the first Iraq War, to see how it can come back on us. But today we find ourselves in a really terrible position. I think we actually have to bomb and torture ourselves. Why? Because were terrorists.
A terrorist group called Jundullah operates in Balochistan. You may not have heard of Balochistan. I have. I remember reading about it in the build-up to the invasion of Iraq. Seems an odd connection, right? Balochistan is like Kurdistan - a people without a country. Bolachistan is in Iran, Afghanistan, but mainly Pakistan.
Balochis were a small part of the decade long, neo-con push to invade Iraq. According the propaganda I read, Balochistan was one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. People raised there were incredibly tough sons of bitches which is why they were recruited by a certain Saddam Hussein to do very bad things. TO AMERICA!
Yeah, neo-cons created an almost comic book origin for a super breed of terrorists. It was pretty retarded, but they went ahead with it anyway. According to our right wing lunatic friends, Hussein recruited the Baloch to destroy America. It was a mysterious scary place and the men coming out of Balochistan were scary people.
Today, years after the Iraq War lies have been put to bed, Balochistan is back in the news. But this time, the terrorists arent working against the U.S.; theyre working for the U.S. Shocking, huh? When has the U.S. sponsored terrorism? I mean, besides forever.
A Pakistani tribal militant group responsible for a series of deadly guerrilla raids inside Iran has been secretly encouraged and advised by American officials since 2005, U.S. and Pakistani intelligence sources tell ABC News.
The group, called Jundullah, is made up of members of the Balochi tribe and operates out of the Balochistan province in Pakistan, just across the border from Iran.
Yeah. Thats how we do.
Jundullah is responsible for many kidnappings and executions of Iranian soldiers. Their leader, Ragi, has admitted to killing Iranians with his own hand. Many of the executions are video taped for the world to see, which is pretty nice of them. There are several hundred Jundullah fighters, many of whom are ex-Taliban.
You may recall hearing about some of their recent work, a bombing in the Iranian city of Zahenda. A car bomb was detonated near a bus carrying Iranian soldiers. 18 people were killed. Jundullah took credit.
Now, this is where it gets fun. We support Jundullah the same way we supported the Contras in the '80s.
A senior U.S. government official said groups such as Jundullah have been helpful in tracking al Qaeda figures and that it was appropriate for the U.S. to deal with such groups in that context.
Some former CIA officers say the arrangement is reminiscent of how the U.S. government used proxy armies, funded by other countries including Saudi Arabia, to destabilize the government of Nicaragua in the 1980s.
Well, that only led to shitloads of dead Nicaraguans and destabilized a region of the world, so why not?
Of course, much like the Iran-Contra scandal during the Reagan Administration, the president doesnt know anything about it.
U.S. officials say the U.S. relationship with Jundullah is arranged so that the U.S. provides no funding to the group, which would require an official presidential order or "finding" as well as congressional oversight.
Tribal sources tell ABC News that money for Jundullah is funneled to its youthful leader, Abd el Malik Regi, through Iranian exiles who have connections with European and Gulf states.
Um. Yeah. So, we just tell someone else to give them money. "Hey, Saudi Arabia, while we're giving you all those planes and weapons, could you do us a favor?" Were aiding terrorists. Its just that theyre our terrorists. So, now we have to change the name of the War on Terror to the War on Certain Terror.
Thankfully, things are starting to heat up with our terrorist buddies. Pakistani police arrested six members of Jundullah last week and they are planning to extradite them.
In another sign of growing tensions with the United States, Pakistan is threatening to turn over to Iran six members of a tribal militant group Iran claims are "spies" for the CIA.
They would probably be executed. But dont worry, were doing everything we can to help these terrorists.
U.S. officials tell ABC News U.S. intelligence officers frequently meet and advise Jundullah leaders, and current and former intelligence officers are working to prevent the men from being sent to Iran.
Now the U.S. is actively trying to block extradition of terrorists. This means we have to put ourselves in Guantanamo and waterboard each other. What a fucking mess.
This should work out great! The last time we funded and aided Islamic guerillas in this region it ended up awesome. Go CIA! Go America!
Rebels Seize Two Forts in Pakistan
Pro-Taliban rebels in northwest Pakistan have captured two military outposts in the past week.
They struck first at Sararogha in South Waziristan.
Some 1000 armed Taliban launched [an] attack at Sararogha fort at about 1:15 am on night between Tuesday and Wednesday from nearby mountains with heavy and automatic weapons and killed up to 30 soldiers, BBC reported and sources in Political administration South Waziristan told Online.
Then last night the Taliban claimed to have also captured an outpost at Sipla Toi.
Pakistani troops have abandoned a fort in a remote tribal area, a day after another was overrun by pro-Taleban militants, officials and witnesses say.
They say that paramilitary personnel at Sipla Toi military post in South Waziristan left their positions fearing an attack by the militants.
The Pakistani Army denies the desertions, however, and there are are no reports of combat taking place in the latter action.
While fundamentalist militants gain ground in the Tribal Areas (and Afghanistan), Musharraf's surviving secular rivals have demanded his resignation and a full international investigation of his chief rival's recent exercise in not surviving.
At we can take heart that the propaganda of "European Countries Media" is concocted regarding the safety of Pakistan's nuclear weapons and the responsibility of its strategic forces.
Anyone Who Believes Al Qaeda Killed Bhutto Is An Asshole
Seriously. A complete and total asshole, and a self-centered one at that. How many minutes after the death of Benazir Bhutto did it take for the idiots among us to point the finger at Al Qaeda? It is such a pathetic and ignorant claim that I am amazed how many now consider it truth. But who else would kill the former Prime Minister of Pakistan than Americas enemy? I think at this point we can be certain that anyone who is killed anywhere in the world was murdered by Al Qaeda.
US experts are popping out of the woodwork to explain to us that Al Qaeda is the only group that could possibly benefit from such an act. Many Americans will soak it up because the alternative would be to do a little reading on their own. And we are nothing more than a nation of spoon fed retards.
Look at this article in Newsweek, just one day after the assassination.
'Almost Certainly Al Qaeda'
Bruce Riedel, a former defense and intelligence official who helped make South Asia policy in the administrations of George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton, says he believes Benazir Bhutto's assassination "was almost certainly the work of Al Qaeda or Al Qaeda's Pakistani allies." He says, "Their objective is to destabilize the Pakistani state, to break up the secular political parties, to break up the army so that Pakistan becomes a politically failing state in which the Islamists in time can come to power much as they have in other failing states."
Yes, in fucking deedy. That is why Al Qaeda denied involvement, as they always do when they kill people. Who else could it possibly be? They are, after all, Americas enemy and she was running for election in a DEMOCRACY. Cant you see it? It is so obvious! No one else would ever gain from her death. Except these people:
Active and retired military, renegade intelligence and secret service elements, radical Islamic political parties, extremist Sunni movements, indigenous terrorist organizations and Afghan and Pakistani "Taliban" movements and the leader of the opposition party, Nawaz Sharif. Oh, and the president himself. Every single one of these organizations are more powerful than Al Qaeda in Pakistan and gain from her death.
And then there are some interesting facts coming out.
Police officers had frisked the 3,000 to 4,000 people attending Thursday's rally when they entered the park, but as the speakers from Bhutto's Pakistan People's Party droned on, the police abandoned many of their posts.
Huh. Did Al Qaeda get the police to abandon their posts? Because if they did, then they have a mighty impressive organization.
The government, of course, was quick to produce a damning phone call recording that implicates a leader of the Taliban.
"We have intelligence intercepts indicating that al Qaida leader Baitullah Mehsud is behind her assassination," Interior Ministry spokesman Javed Iqbal Cheema said.
Taliban, Al Qaeda, whats the diff? And dont pay attention to the henchman who was on the other side of that phone call. His name was Maulvi Sahib, which isnt even a real name.
The last part is just an honorific and the first refers to someone who leads Friday prayers.
Oh, and Maulvi Sahib never calls Mehsud by name. Mehsud is only referred to as Emir. Also, the call was not made to Mehsuds house, it was made to Anwar Shads house, where Mehsud is supposedly staying right now. Maybe I should also mention that Anwar Shah is an incredibly common name. And finally, like any good assassination organization, they had to remind each other during the phone call that they did it.
They were our men there.
Uh huh. Yeah, that is some damning evidence. Soak it up America.
And thats not all! The Pakistani government has refused the help of many country's law enforcement agencies, such as the FBI. Oh, but youre saying, Why should they? They are capable. Clearly, that is why they
hosed down the evidence of the crime one hour after the assassination.
The scene of the attack also was watered down with a high-pressure hose within an hour, washing away evidence.
That is something a government definitely does if they want to prove that Al Qaeda was responsible. Also, dont pay any attention to Musharrafs repeatedly ignoring Bhuttos requests for more security.
Washington lawyer Mark A. Siegel, Bhutto's U.S. spokesman, released an e-mail that he said Bhutto had written Oct. 26, eight days after the earlier attempt on her life, complaining that Musharraf had denied her needed security measures.
Its really looking like Al Qaeda, isnt it? Especially when you throw in an illegal burial without an autopsy.
According to a leading lawyer, Athar Minallah, an autopsy is mandatory under Pakistan's criminal law in a case of this nature.
"It is absurd, because without autopsy it is not possible to investigate. Is the state not interested in reaching the perpetrators of this heinous crime or there was a cover-up?" Minallah said.
And let us not ignore the ridiculous explanation of her death from Musharrafs government, which completely contradicts what many witnesses and reporters saw.
Benazir Bhutto died from a fractured skull caused by hitting her head on part of her car's sunroof as a bomb ripped through a crowd of her supporters, a spokesman for Pakistan's Interior Ministry said Friday.
Really? You guys dont think those two bullets that hit her head and neck had anything to do with her death?
Shots rang out and Pakistan's former prime minister and the leader of the Pakistan People's Party slumped back into the vehicle, blood pouring from her head. Three to five shots were fired, with at least one shot hitting her in the neck, witnesses said.
And dont pay any attention to the people who were with her when she died.
Babar Awan, a senior official of Bhutto's Pakistan People's Party, said of the sunroof theory: "That is a false claim." He said he'd seen her body after the attack and there were at least two bullet marks, one in the neck and one on the top of the head: "It was a targeted, planned killing. The firing was from more than one side."
Please ignore the initial statements from the government and doctors confirming the eyewitness claims. Statements that did not occur in the heat of the moment, but rather hours and a day after her death.
On Thursday, hours after Bhutto's death, the Pakistani Interior Ministry said she died from a gunshot wound to the neck, with the gunman firing as Bhutto stood through the open sunroof of her vehicle while leaving a rally in Rawalpindi.
Please don't ignore the later, changing statements.
But on Friday, the Interior Ministry said Bhutto was killed by shrapnel from the explosion.
Then, hours later, the ministry said she died from a skull fracture suffered when she either fell or ducked into the car as a result of the shots or the explosion and crashed her head into a sunroof latch.
Okey dokey. The doctors were the ones who said Bhutto had died from gunshots, then they went away and the government took over. All statements since have come from government sources, you know, the people who killed her. By the way, Al Qaeda is known for using bombs.
However, Al Qaeda has rarely, if ever, used gunmen in assassination attempts.
Bhuttos fellow party members think the Al Qaeda claim is a load of shit.
"Those who want to create this impression that the attack was carried out by al Qaeda and the Taliban actually do not want to real faces behind the incident to be exposed," Farhadullah Babar, a party spokesman, told the BBC's Urdu service. "They are spreading such rumors to divert attention."
PPP members have also contended that Bhutto died from a gunshot to the neck.
But, dont worry, weve got our man on the job.
Musharraf, a critical ally in the Bush administration's war on terrorism, has vowed to root out violent Islamic extremists from the tribal belt bordering Afghanistan and during an address to the nation on Thursday night said Bhutto's assassination "was the action of the same terrorists against whom we are at war."
Oh, Im sure it was the same terrorists, because Im completely retarded. Anyone who believes this is the work of Al Qaeda is a fucking moron. The presidents foe was just killed when a bullet entered her neck. Not to hard to figure this one out, considering he is a military man. But, maybe we should give him another $10 billion in untraceable cash payments, considering hes fighting Al Qaeda for us. Because, as we all know, the Bush administration makes one great call after another in that area of the world.
Bhutto returned to Pakistan from exile in October partly at the urging of the Bush administration, which saw a renewed role for her as the best hope for returning the country to democracy and stability.
Maybe when you pressure someone to return, you should make sure they are safe from the dictator you have been supporting. Just a tip.
Bad Time To Be A Buddhist Statue
In March, 2001 the Taliban destroyed two giant Buddha statues in Bamiyan, Afghanistan. The Bamiyan Buddhas were carved into a sandstone cliff and stood 50 meters tall. They were built around the second century, when Afghanistan was an important stop along the Silk Road. But the Taliban destroyed them to stop the worshipping of false idols. And now Islamic radicals are at it again.
Pro-Taliban militants have attempted to destroy the next largest Buddhist statue in the world in Northwest Pakistan.
The statue, thought to date from the second century BC, sustained only minimal damage in the attack near Manglore in remote Swat district.
Recently, the area has experienced attacks against anything that is un-Islamic.
Last week, militants blew up 60 music, video and cosmetics stalls at a market when the owners refused to close down after being labeled un-Islamic. And now the Buddha statue has been attacked and it is not in a remote area. It located along the main road in the valley.
Pakistani archeologists had repeatedly asked local authorities to protect the statue, but they refused to do so, even after a previous failed attack. The militants carried out their brazen attack in the morning and it was not exactly a quick job. On Tuesday morning the armed men drilled holes in the statue, put dynamite inside and blew it up.
The explosion damaged the upper part of the rock but there was no damage to the image itself.
Thank God. Or Buddha. Although, you're not supposed to thank Buddha for stuff like that, so thank faulty Taliban engineering. Or anti-engineering. Just fucking thank something, the statue survived. Of course, if you look at the image, the face is gone, which I would consider messing up the statue a bit.
The statue was only saved because it is located on a steep ridge and was difficult to reach. The statue is 2,200 years old and now the largest in the world. But Buddha statues have never faced such a horrible enemy and may soon be wiped out. Its like a giant Buddha statue genocide.
Ten years ago, the Pakistanis living in the area were said to be proud of the statues and would take visitors there to show them off. But now, the Taliban has been driven out of Afghanistan, into the mountains of Pakistan and the area has been radicalized. Its called progress.
Which of These Women is a Feminist?
On the left, Asma Jahangir. Here's her C.V., and here's an interview with her that appeared in the UN Chronicle.
On the right, a photo of a group of women from the ("Red Mosque"
, a campus of sorts that includes the mosque as well as religious schools for both men and women, and that has become a center for pro-Islamist political action in Pakistan.
Jahangir wants Pakistan to recognize and support a secular version of human rights, particularly human rights for minorities and women. As she says in the linked interview, "cultural diversity does not mean inhuman treatment of other human beings."
Lal Masjid, including the women of Jamia Hafsa (a kind of women's seminary), want Pakistan to embrace Sharia, a specifically Islamic form of law, the particular tenets of which vary depending on who you ask; roughly, the idea is that the laws of a political state should be based in religious texts and religiously-based precedent.
Presumably to most of us it's obvious that Jahangir is in the right, and the women of Jamia Hafsa are in the wrong. It's pretty easy when you're standing outside of whatever the cultural/religious norms are to recognize that not everything that people with tits do is automatically feminist. It's a lot harder when the norms being criticized are norms you yourself hold.
Feminism isn't "all about choices." It's all about power and equality. Arguing for women's "right" to do things that perpetuate their lack of power or equality isn't feminist; it's using pseudo-feminist language to argue for women's continued status as second-class citizens.
Similarly, arguing for men's "right" to continue to be treated as individuals without regard to the social status or power of "men" as a class is usually anti-feminist: e.g., arguments about men getting "passed over" for jobs or promotions in favor of women, etc. If the situation is one where the job in question is "traditionally" a woman's job, then sure: argue away. But if we're talking about politicians or CEOs or college professors or scientists or construction workers, then nope--sorry.
Context matters. If you refuse to consider it, then you might as well go back to 'separate but equal." As Warren wrote in Brown v. Board of Education,
We must consider public education in the light of its full development and its present place in American life throughout the Nation. Only in this way can it be determined if segregation in public schools deprives these plaintiffs of the equal protection of the laws.
because
Separate educational facilities are inherently unequal.
The court's finding at the time depended on a great deal of research and the integrity to realize that the way difference is interpreted matters.
Theories are all well and good, but at some point you have to look at what's actually happening. If it "just so happens" that women can't get contraception because it's prescription-only, or because some pharmacists and doctors "just happen" to have religious prejudices against it--but it doesn't "just happen" that men are subject to the same problems--then it just happens to be the fact that that's discriminatory. If it "just so happens" that women "choose" to wear heels and makeup because doing so increases their status, while men "happen" not to rely on signalling sexual availability/attractiveness in order to increase theirs, then that, too, is discriminatory.
If women's "choices" happen to perpetuate the idea that women are second-class citizens, then those choices aren't feminist.
Which ain't the fault of those women; we all make the decisions we have to make to live in the world. And for the record, there are defensible arguments that (say) nude pictures of oneself can be quite feminist in nature.
It's a question of context. As Diana York Blaine said in the interview linked immediately above,
the focus has been on her boobs rather than her provocative editorial, and sees this "scandal," which she adeptly deconstructs on her site, as part of her feminist teachings.
Focusing on the nudity is part of the problem, people. Just like arguing for women to be "protected" from rape by covering themselves and staying out of public view--or by "not getting drunk with strangers" or whatever your preferred "how to not get raped" argument is--as if women "get" raped by some invisible force of nature.
You're not doing feminism any favors when you think it's all about what women do or don't do. Women aren't raised under rocks, and we're not brains on sticks. The world we live in, and the people we live in it with, have an effect on us. The real question ought to be, are you trying to change shit? Or are you just making a bunch of bullshit excuses to perpetuate your own comfortable status quo?
Bitch_PhD promises this will be her last post on this subject for the forseeable future.
Get Ready to Die in a Mall
Why go to Israel, when Israel is coming to us? According to ABC news, teams of suicide bombers are on their way to the US to kill poor, little, innocent Americans. They are also being sent to some place called Europe.
Teams assigned to carry out attacks in the United States, Canada, Great Britain and Germany were introduced at an al Qaeda/Taliban training camp graduation ceremony held June 9.
Yay! Graduation! It always feels great to accomplish something. A Pakistani reporter attended the graduation and took pictures of around 300 future suicide bombers, some who were as young as 12. After they got their diplomas, they were sent out on their missions. The ones going to England spoke English.
"So let me say something about why we are going, along with my team, for a suicide attack in Britain," he said. "Whether my colleagues, companions and Muslim brothers die today or tonight, every drop of our blood will invigorate the Muslim (unintelligible)."
Im going to assume the unintelligible word was pants. US intelligence tried to write if off as propaganda but former White House counterterrorism official (who warned the Bush administration about al-Qaeda in 2000) believes the threat is credible.
"It doesn't take too many who are willing to actually do it and be able to slip through the net and get into the United States or England and cause a lot of damage.
But, but, I thought the president said, we were fighting them there so they wouldnt kill us here. No, sorry, saying that actually just encourages them to kill us here to prove him wrong. He's a fucking idiot who talks out of his asshole.
Better get those shoes at Foot Locker while you can!
Killer Kites Run Loose on Pakistan
Kites are supposed to be relaxing, right? You get a little running start, let out some string, and then use "kite flying" as an excuse to lay in the grass and zone out all day. Sure, it might get caught in a tree if you're unlucky, but you untangle it and grumble a bit, and then everything is fine. Who doesn't remember Mary Poppins, where the whole solution to Mr. Banks' uptight lack of paternal instinct was to go to the park and fly kites with his kids? It's the ultimate chill-out. But of course, some jerks always have to go and ruin it for everyone. Apparently this happened about a month ago, so I'm a little sad about my lack of timeliness, but this event has been so grossly underreported in the United States that I think it's still worth mentioning here.
At least 11 people died and more than 100 were injured at an annual spring festival in eastern Pakistan celebrated with the flying of thousands of colourful kites, officials said today.
The deaths and injuries were caused by stray bullets, sharpened kite-strings, electrocution and people falling off rooftops at the conclusion of the two-day Basant festival yesterday, said Ruqia Bano, spokeswoman for the emergency services in the city of Lahore.
Stray bullets, while weird, are at least a little understandable. Even in good old U.S. of A. we've got plenty of guys who still think it's a great idea to shoot guns in the air for celebration without thinking about where that ammo might land. But sharpened kite-strings? What?
The festival is regularly marred by casualties caused by sharp kite strings or celebratory gunshots fired into the air. Kite flyers often use strings made of wire or coated with ground glass to try to cross and cut a rival's string or damage the other kite, often after betting on the outcome.
Wire? Ground glass?! Come on, since when is kite-flying a competition? Apparently every day in Pakistan is when, because kite-flying was previously banned over a string of deaths related to - you guessed it - wire and otherwise-deadly strings at the last festival. The ban was lifted, and within two days it was total mayhem. Since obviously no one in Punjab Province can even comprehend playing nice when it comes to airborne leisure activities, the ban has been reinstated and almost a thousand people were arrested for various fun-time contraband.
It's lovely and springtime outside today, and I've been seriously considering buying a pretty kite and teaching my little sister how to fly it. Pray we don't manage to kill ourselves in the process.
Feminist Pakistani Minister Killed Because of Her Outfit
Feminism in Pakistan suffered a major blow yesterday when Zilla Huma Usman, the minister of social welfare in the Punjab province, was shot dead by a fanatic convinced that women should not hold positions and government, and that she was dressed inappropriately.
The gunman, Mohammad Sarwar, was overpowered by the ministers driver and arrested by police. A stone mason in his mid 40s, he is not thought to belong to any radical group but is known for his fanaticism. He was previously held in 2002 in connection with the killing and mutilation of four prostitutes, but was never convicted due to lack of evidence.
Mr Sarwar appeared relaxed and calm when he told a television channel that he had carried out Gods order to kill women who sinned. I have no regrets. I just obeyed Allahs commandment, he said, adding that Islam did not allow women to hold positions of leadership. I will kill all those women who do not follow the right path, if I am freed again, he said.
He is basically a fanatic, Raja Basharat, the Punjab Law Minister, said. He is against the involvement of women in politics and government affairs. A police statement added: He considers it contrary to the teachings of Allah for a woman to become a minister or a ruler. Thats why he committed this action.
He killed her because she was not observing the Islamic code of dress. She was also campaigning for emancipation of women, said Nazir Ahmad, a local officer.
Pakistan, while an overwhelmingly Muslim country, continues to be governed secularly by general Pervez Musharraf who has thus far resisted right-wing elements in the country pressuring him to conform to Sharia law. Under many interpretations of that system women would be forbidden from holding positions of power and would be forced to adhere to a strict dress code. Despite ingrained resistance against women's rights in the country some progress has been made, and elected officials like Usman are a symbol of that progress, a symbol that is undoubtedly infuriating to its opponents.
But analysts said that the murder of the female minister highlighted the failure of his government in curbing Islamic extremism. The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan in a recent report said that violence against women had increased alarmingly, with some of the incidents incited by Mullahs opposed to womens emancipation.
Islamists also campaigned against the Women Protection Bill which was recently passed by parliament, which seeks to provide protection to women who have suffered discrimination under Islamic Sharia laws.
Islamic Nut Jobs Have A Pro-Rape Rally
Islamic men in Pakistan are upset because it just became more difficult to rape a woman. Thousands of protesters hit the streets of Karachi on Sunday to scream their outrage at a new law that removes some of the burden of proof from the victim. The old law, introduced in 1979 under the Hudood Ordinances, requires that the rape victim produce four male witnesses or face prosecution for adultery.
The demonstration in southern Pakistan on Sunday attracted 10,000 supporters of loose rape laws. The protest was sparked by President Musharrafs refusal to change the law on Saturday. The demonstrators marched through the streets, holding signs that read, "Down with Musharraf, "Down with the Women Protection Law" and Get The Government Out of My Rape.
The Women Protection Bill is a test for Musharrafs philosophy of "enlightened moderation" in a country that is largely Muslim. The previous rape law was a religious law but the new law puts rape under the penal code. An Islamic leader broke down their disagreements:
"We reject this law because it is unIslamic and also against women rights," said Fazal-ur-Rehman. He also said the law is a conspiracy to make Pakistan a "free sex zone."
It is a valid point. Statistics show the more a country clamps down on rape, the more that country will become a free sex zone.
Womens groups are asking for more Islamic laws to be repealed. Currently Pakistani law forbids sex outside of marriage and adulterers can be stoned to death.
Bush Lets Terrorist Run Free
In another example of how George Bush is the worst president in the history of the United States, UK authorities revealed that suspected terrorists evaded capture because the United States interfered in an investigation. In August, MI5 and Scotland Yard were looking into a terrorist plot to blow up 10 airliners over the Atlantic. But political desires and a lust for headlines caused the White House to push for arrests. An arrest came too soon and the terrorists were allowed to escape.
US authorities put pressure on Pakistan authorities to apprehend Rashid Rauf, who was linked to the plot. He was picked up on August 9th. This arrest forced British police to rush plans, which allowed a second group of terrorists associated with the plot to escape.
The operation was one of the largest undertaken by the police and MI5, yet two counter-terrorism sources suggested that the intervention of the Americans was due to "inexperience and naivety" and that they were after a "short-term success".
Why would the US take such stupid action? Because Joe Lieberman had just been defeated in the Democratic Connecticut Senatorial primary and the White House wanted to send a message to the Democratic masses that they were weak on terrorism. As usual, the White House put political opportunism above the safety of our country.
Subcontinental Arms Race Heats Up
Despite paying lip service to playing nice with negotiations over the disputed Kashmir region, things are slowly but steadiy spiraling out of control between India and Pakistan. India's decision to resume nuclear testing in 1998 motivated Pakistan to finish and test their own nukes shortly afterwards. A terrorist attack on the Indian parliament in 2001, widely ascribed to Pakistani extremists, precipitated a military buildup on both sides over the next few months that narrowly avoided an open conflict.
The stakes have now increased, with Pakistan test firing a medium-range missile earlier last week, capable of delivering a (admittedly more sophisticated that Pakistan is believed to have developed) nuclear weapon to most strategic locations within India. India upped the ante today by sucessfully testing its own missile also capable of dropping nukes on most areas within Pakistan.
The Prithvi missile was launched from Chandipur in the eastern state of Orissa into the Bay of Bengal at 0955 local time (0425 GMT).
It was part of an air defence exercise, and more trials are expected in the coming weeks, the defence sources said.
The test comes three days after a missile was tested by Pakistan.
The two countries recently announced they would prepare a deal to limit the risk of an inadvertent nuclear conflict.
The two sides met in the Indian capital, Delhi, last week for peace talks, the first between the South Asian neighbours since July's train bombings in Mumbai (Bombay).
The 8.5m (28-ft) surface-to-surface Prithvi missile covers 150 km (90 miles) in 300 seconds and has a range of up to 250 km.
Fortunately there are active diplomatic channels between the two countries, and the 2002 crisis focused enough international attention on both countries that allies are poised to try and stop anything bad before it really goes too far and someone nukes someone else. Still, I seriously doubt that anyone in sleeping better in either country tonight knowing that these missile systems are operational.
Needled News by Marisa DiMattia
With the headlines this week heavy with some major tattoo news, Im left with little room for mocking others, as is required for online newsiness. But before we start, please allow this one digression: Nelly Furtado is an idiot.
Thank you, now here we go:
Oklahoma Lifts Tattoo Ban
The big news this week is that Oklahomas tattoo ban the last state-wide ban in the US has been lifted and now Okies can make body art blunders that theyll regret legally like the rest of us. I kid. Removing the ban is a good thing. Some people complain that, in legalizing tattoos, the mystique behind the art is lost, yet I just dont see how some scratcher at your kitchen table scarring your arm holds any charm. Call me fascist but I like health and safety laws.
That said, the new Oklahoma law does have some major cons to accompany its pros, as I wrote in Needled. One major obstacle to artists wanting to open up shop is the hefty $100,000 surety bond that must be paid along with the thousand dollar licensing fee. This may not stand, though. One artist is challenging this bond on constitutional grounds claiming as a small businessman the state is his employer and right-to-work laws prevent a worker from having to pay a fee to keep a job. That argument just might pass and lawmakers could change the bond to a reasonable liability insurance requirement, as in many other states. In any case, the legal battles ain't over.
Tattoos Could Protect Immigrants From Deportation
In other legal news, a Pakistani man, living in Staten Island, NY, is claiming that his tattoos will get him killed if deported back to Pakistan (because of a drug-related conviction), and the federal appeals courts are buying it.
The New York Sun reported:
Rafiq, a Catholic, makes the unusual claim that the tattoos he has on his forearms violate Islamic law and could make him identifiable to extremists as someone who has converted from Islam. Rafiq feared being beheaded upon his return, according to the brief Rafiq submitted on appeal.
In ordering Rafiq's case to be reheard [by the Bureau of Immigration Appeals], the panel of judges ruled that asylum claims can be granted when the immigrant risks torture by extremists. Applying a standard, the 2nd Circuit set two years ago, the panel emphasizes that the torture does not have to come from the government, for an asylum application to succeed.
Iraqis Get Tattooed for ID if Tortured and Killed
Rafiq probably wouldnt have any problems with his tattoos if sent to Iraq. Naturally, hed have other problems like torture and beheading, a regular part of Iraqi sectarian violence.
Because of this, Iraqis are choosing to break Muslim law in favor of getting ID tattoos to help their families identify them if their body is found mutilated as has been the case with so many in the country.
Photo by Nancy Youseff/MCT
In a powerful and quite graphic article in the Miami Herald, the reporter speaks of the morbid tattoo trend:
Ali Abbas decided that his upper right thigh was the best place for a tattoo because no one gets tortured there.
He had seen hundreds of bodies in the city morgue and dozens of hospitals during his 18-day search for his missing uncle. He had seen drill marks in swollen, often unrecognizable heads, slash marks across necks, and bullet holes in backs, abdomens and swollen hands. He had seen bodies that were thrown into the river, so swollen that they barely looked human. But, by and large, the thighs had been intact.
So that's where he decided to have his name, address and phone number tattooed, in case the day came when someone was searching for his body.
Its all a part of whats called exporting democracy.
Prison Tattoo Parlors Reconsidered in Ottawa
Maybe G.W. should leave that kind of exporting to people that know something about it like Canadians. Everyone loves Canadians and its because theyre so darn democratic. Even with its own conservative government, Canadian politicians are still willing to debate issues like reopening six safe tattoo parlors in federal prisons that were part of a pilot project to reduce the spread of disease among inmates.
Tattoos have been a long standing part of Western prison culture no matter how tattoo couture youd like body art to be. But the spit, urine and cigarette ash that goes into cell block ink has caused staggering infection rates, and shared needles have spread HIV and Hepatitis, which could be spread even further once the inmate is released. So its simple: protect the inmate, protect the general population. Keep tattooing safe from Ottawa to Oklahoma. Oh, and let freedom ring.
Marisa_DiMattia is a lawyer and editor of Needled.com, a blog on tattoo art and culture.
Bush Wants Leaders To Stop Quarreling So They Can Kill
President Bush met with the leaders of Afghanistan and Pakistan yesterday, hoping to get them to stop bickering so they can kill terrorists together. President General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan and President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan have been verbally sparring for months. This greatly jeopardizes the war on terror because killing terrorists requires that everyone is getting along.
Karzai and Musharraf have been criticizing each other's efforts to fight terrorists along their border. The Afghans claim Pakistan lets the Taliban launch attacks then seek refuge back across the border. Musharraf says he has deployed 80,000 troops along the border. Karzai also alleges Musharraf allows extremism to breed at Islamic schools in Pakistan. Sadly, both seem a long way off from agreeing to kill together.
Both Musharraf and Karzai are Muslims, so they had sat down and shared a meal with a Crusader consisting of soup, sea bass and salad. The meal was an iftar, which is a meal that breaks the daytime fast during Ramadan.
Both leaders appeared very stiff during a brief photo op before lunch. Musharraf was expressionless while Karzai nodded as Bush spoke. Bush told the press that these two men are personal friends of mine, as if anyone gives a shit. Great line if you are introducing them to your frat brothers, but meaningless if you are the President of the US.
The result of their bickering is the return of the Taliban in Afghanistan. The extremists have regrouped and are launching attacks across the country. The White House has had enough and Bush is drawing the line. The killing starts now.
"The president has made it clear that they've got a shared interest, and the shared interest is combating terrorism," White House press secretary Tony Snow told reporters. "He will remind them of the fact, and I think both men understand that."
Hopefully they got the message. Killing people is hard enough without people being mean to each other.
Musharraf: Pakistan Was Bullied Into Helping US
Pakistan has often seemed an unlikely ally in the Bush administration's "war on terror." Despite its nominally secular political leadership (via Pervez Musharraf, the president who took over in a coup in 1999) the country remains primarily Islamic, and has long been thought to covertly support the Taliban despite its proclaimed efforts to assist in their eradication. Musharraf's cozying up to Bush has often seemed like more of a ploy to gain US support in cracking down on those who oppose his leadership internally and would prefer more militantly Islamic rule. But ;" target="_blank">in a recent interview he suggests that it is not only selfish interests to keep his office that forged the relationship between his government and the Bush administration, but that threats of war against Pakistan helped "nudge" him in the proper direction.
President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan says the United States threatened to bomb his country back to the Stone Age after the 9/11 attacks if he did not help America's war on terror.
Musharraf says the threat was delivered by Richard Armitage, then the deputy secretary of state, to Musharraf's intelligence director, the Pakistani leader told CBS-TV's "60 Minutes."
"The intelligence director told me that (Armitage) said, 'Be prepared to be bombed. Be prepared to go back to the Stone Age,' " Musharraf said in the interview to be shown Sunday on the CBS television network.
If those were his exact words they conjure up one of America's less than proud moments, when cold warrior General Curtis LeMay threatened to bomb North Vietnam "back into the stone age" (which he later denied having said) and effectively did. Armitage is a central figure in the Valerie Plame scandal (and has admitted to being a leaker of Plame's identity) and was active with the Project for a New American Century, the right wing think tank many believe to be responsible for planning the Iraq invasion before 9/11. However, his resignation following Colin Powell's from the administration and statements to the effect the administration was run by "ideologues" suggests that while he may have been part and parcel to some of the broad strategic strokes that the administration made and sometimes willing to play the lackey (as in the Plame case) even he had some limits. All of which raises the question of whether Armitage would be willing to make a provocative statement like that to the president of Pakistan on his own, or whether he was relaying orders from others further up the chain of command.
The White House and State Department declined to comment on the conversation.
Armitage told CNN on Thursday that he never threatened to bomb Pakistan, wouldn't say such a thing and didn't have the authority to do it. Armitage said he did have a tough message for Pakistan, saying the Muslim nation was either "with us or against us," according to CNN. Armitage said he didn't know how his message was recounted so differently to Musharraf.
The White House would deny that Barbara Bush is the president's mother if they believed it would gain George W. a point or two in the polls. As to Armitage's own statement, telling a country like Pakistan that they are "either with us or against us" immediately following the full force invasion of their nearby neighbor Afghanistan is not literally the same as threatening to bomb them to the stone age, but it's damned close.
The "alliance" between the US and Pakistan following 9/11 has always seemed somewhat forced, whether by Musharraf's own self-aggrandizing motives or the gunboat diplomacy of the Bush administration. This revelation shouln't come as much of a shock to anyone who's paid even cursory attention to the imperial manner in which Bush has conducted his foreign policy, but it is still saddening to learn that the only way you can get friends in a key strategic area is through threats and bullying.
War With The Taliban Over!
At last the long fought war with the Taliban is over, at least for Pakistan. Taliban militants and the Pakistani government signed a peace deal on Tuesday. As if signing an agreement with an enemy of America was not bad enough, Pakistan decided to rub it in deeper by signing the ceasefire on a soccer field in Miranshah.
The militants agreed to stop attacks in Pakistan and not cross the Afghan border and the Pakistani government agreed to stop air and ground operations and dismantle check posts in the Waziristan region. Prisoners will be released and weapons will be returned in a great fuck you to America.
After the US invaded Afghanistan in 2001 many Al Qaeda and Taliban members fled to Waziristan. The Pakistani government then attempted to take control of the tribal run area with little success. The peace agreement also states that tribes will no longer be able to move freely between Pakistan and Afghanistan. Movement of tribal members will be easy to control in the mountainous region. If a tribal member steps across the border their traveling buddy will remind them that it is a big no-no. The tribal/Al Qaeda member will then shrug, wink slyly, shoulder their weapon and head back into Pakistan.
Just fucking kiss already
Totally fucked up update from ABC news:
If he is in Pakistan, bin Laden "would not be taken into custody," Major General Shaukat Sultan Khan told ABC News in a telephone interview, "as long as one is being like a peaceful citizen."
Super.
More Nukes for India
India caught the world off guard in 1998 when they announced that they successfully tested a nuclear weapon, making them the latest member in the exclusive "nuclear club". Since then Western countries have proceeded with caution in dealing with both India and Pakistan (who quickly followed India's lead, iniating their own nuclear test several days later), who have considerable historical enmity between them, often focusing on the hot-button issue of who should control the disputed Kashmir region. Recent weeks have seen the US try and bring India back into the fold with talks of them halting future production of nuclear weapons in exchange for civilian reactor technology that would help feed the insatiable energy demands of the country's rapidly growing economy. It appears that a deal may have finally been hammered out, but unfortunately it looks like the world needs to brace itself for even more Indian nukes.
The deal would allow nuclear-armed India to buy American nuclear reactors and fuel for the first time in more than 30 years, despite the fact it has still not signed the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.
It also requires the rising South Asian power to open civilian nuclear facilities to international inspections, forgo future nuclear tests and cooperate with the United States and other nations on halting the spread of nuclear exports.
"History will regard what we do today as a tidal shift in relations between India and the United States. This will be known as the day when Congress signaled definitively the end of the Cold War paradigm governing interactions between New Delhi and Washington," said Rep. Tom Lantos of California, senior Democrat on the House International Relations Committee.
India's dealings with the US have historically been tepid, with the country remaining mostly non-aligned during the Cold War, or shifting loyalties to whichever side could most benefit it at the time. The prospect of a 21st century China/India/Russia alliance that would leave the US out in the cold is not a particulalry appealing one for American politicians, and so this most recent diplomatic development may be an attempt at keeping India at arm's length. But giving a country in such a potentially volatile situation the means to further develop their nuclear arsenal may not be the most prudent maneuver. Especially coming on the heels of the discovery that Pakistan is building a new reactor that may be poised to crank out 40-50 new, more powerful nukes every year.
Pakistan has been the West's ally of convenience in the Middle East since 9/11, as General Pervez Musharraf has bent over backwards trying to convice Americans that he is doing all he can to clamp down on Islamic terrorists in the region. But Musharraf's regime has stood on shaky ground for years, and future relations with the country cannot be guaranteed. Now is the time to exercise whatever diplomatic muscle can be flexed to try and stop both of these countries from arming themselves with even more nuclear weapons. Imagine how the Cold War would have turned out in the US and the USSR had shared a disputed border? That's what the future may hold for south Asia, and it's not pretty.
