The fun of watching Harry Reid poke his anus into the air for all to penetrate never seems to end. He is one of the weakest men in Washington, completely unable or unwilling to use his power to accomplish what needs to be done. From allowing Republicans to constantly filibuster without actually filibustering, to rolling over like a bitch for Bush for years, it is mystifying the loser is still allowed to keep his job. But who wouldn’t want a pro-life, anti-gay marriage, big business lovin’ man who voted to invade Iraq. He’s got Democrat stamped all over him.

Basically, Reid is a Republican, or what was a Republican 20 years ago before Washington became completely insane. And he’s running the Senate for the Democrats. Reid is a huge problem and he’s a Mormon, so he wears weird underwear, which is very troubling. This week Harry decided to tell MoveOn to simmer down. Take it down a notch, with all your ‘asking for what you want and partaking in the political process’ while grandpa’s trying to bury his spine in the backyard.

Harry is upset because liberal groups have begun campaigns targeting the new “Moderate Democratic” group in the Senate. They are an exciting group of Blue Dog Democrats who think we should reduce spending on random stuff. They never actually provide a concrete reason why some project should be eliminated and another should survive, they just basically want to be able to say they did something awesome with the budget. It's economic stupidity for the worst reason and they are doing it at a time when doing shit halfway is about as stupid as it gets.

At the same time, Moveon.org is going after the Blue Dogs with radio ads. Fine. Whatever. This is how politics works. Here we have two factions of the same party who strongly disagree on an issue. This is what happens. But, oh wait, Grandpa Soft from Nevada doesn't like it when the left criticizes his precious moderates.

Right, because it's super helpful to have the Democratic caucus split apart because you have no leadership ability. And, of course, it’s not helpful to make your opinion known. To put pressure on a FUCKING POLITICIAN to get what you want. Who has ever heard of such a thing? My God, why don’t you just shit in their faces? When we begin subjecting our politicians, who appear to be aiding their opponents, to pressure, then we are doomed. In Harry Reid’s world of politics, you cave quietly behind closed doors. Keep it down, Daddy’s giving in back here.

Jesus Christ. Or should I say, “Joseph Smith.” Is Harry Reid really explaining the “art of compromise?” Harry’s version of compromising is to drop his pants, lube up his anus, and enter the room backwards. His “art of compromise” gave Bush every dime he wanted for the Iraq War, a disturbing FISA bill, a free pass on torture, put insane judge after insane judge on the bench, and an endless stream of torture happy department heads. He’s soft and weak, which is the job of people not in power.

And now he’s decided to tell a strong political group to shut up, because it’s “unwise and unhelpful” to fight for what you believe in. How in the fuck is it “unhelpful” to pressure Democrats not to act against their DEMOCRATIC president? Are the Blue Dog Senators going to throw a tantrum and, uh, I don’t know, do exactly what they are doing? Maybe if Harry were capable of doing the job, the groups that make up the Democratic base wouldn’t have to take action. What Harry Reid doesn’t play hardball, he plays fearball and it has led to an endless stream of failures.

The fact that Harry Reid has remained in power for so long is an indictment against all Senate Democrats. In the end, it’s not Harry’s fault, it’s the Democratic Senate Caucus. I wouldn’t let a drunk keep driving the bus after seven years of running into cars and killing people, but that’s exactly what they are doing. He’s inept and he’s shown it over and over again. The Democrats are frightened, little animals, even with a large majority. They don’t want to oust a man who believes strongly that a woman shouldn’t have the choice to choose, who gave in time after time to Bush and the Republicans and who refuses to make Republicans filibuster when they threaten to do so. The failure isn’t Harry; he’s just being himself. I wouldn’t get mad at a jellyfish because it can’t climb a ladder. It’s got no hands and no spine. Just like Harry’s got no leadership skills –- and no spine.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

It happens all the time in movies. Really Bad Man talks Sort Of Bad Guy into fucking over his own friends. Sort Of Bad Guy does it because Really Bad Man is convincing and a little scary. So, Sort Of Bad Guy delivers his friends to Really Bad Man. Then Really Bad Man kills them and turns the gun on Sort Of Bad Guy.

Sort Of Bad Guy
But…but I helped you. I…I got you what you wanted.

Really Bad Man
You think I’d trust a guy who fucks over his friends?

Then Really Bad Man shoots Sort Of Bad Guy in the face. In this case, the Democrats are Sort Of Bad Guy and shooting them in the face seems like an okay idea.

I do not recall seeing, in my lifetime, a party so relentlessly pathetic as the current Democratic Party. Yesterday, I wrote about the Republican’s record-breaking filibuster festival. That sort of bullshit is to be expected from the Republicans, who have no concern about destroying America to get what they want. And the Democrats could do nothing to stop it. Yet, the Democrats don’t seem to realize that they should not actually help Republicans further their agenda. Yesterday, the Senate voted to condemn a MoveOn.org ad that criticized General Patreaus. In doing so, they spit in the faces of many who voted them into office.

Let me see if I can explain this to the Democrats: The Republicans have been trying to demonize MoveOn, but America just thinks it’s the usual partisan, left-right bullshit and doesn’t pay attention. Then you guys in the Senate vote to condemn MoveOn, which legitimizes the Republicans accusations. This is what’s known as a retarded move because, YOU DON’T VOTE AGAINST YOUR OWN BASE. It’s just at tip, you fucking idiots.

Voting to condemn the ad is voting to support the Republican agenda. It helps to justify Republican claims that MoveOn is a lunatic fringe group, which is an incredible exaggeration. Republicans fear MoveOn, because the group can quickly gather funds and attack Republican candidates anywhere in the nation. The right hates MoveOn because it is effective, not because it is a fringe group. Thankfully, Democrats just took a dump on the hand that feeds them. Nice work.

Harry Reid is a fucking idiot for allowing this vote onto the Senate floor. Yesterday the GOP stopped three important bills that the Democrats had put forward. Today, Dems should have told the GOP and their petty bill to go fuck themselves. Reid should have stopped the bill, then introduced several bills condemning Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh for their repeated hate speech. Or how about finally condemning the Swift Boat organization for making far worse allegations against John Kerry than MoveOn ever did against Patraeus? If Reid can allow himself to be manipulated and bullied by the minority party, he should step down. Immediately. Or at the very least, he should replace his picture on his Senate website with a douchebag.

The vote completely betrays the principle of the 1st amendment. We don’t give the Senate authority, salary, security, privilege and power so they can vote on what American citizens should and should not be saying. The ad said that if the General was not honest it would be a betrayal of the troops. How the fuck is that worthy of the Senate’s time? It’s called freedom, maybe these idiots should try to get an understanding of what it means.

In the end, what did the Democrats achieve by voting for this resolution? They insulted the people who worked so hard to get them into office in 2006. The let the left know that they are not entitled to the same free speech as the right wing and that if the Republicans pick on the Democratic base, their Senators will help to stick the knife in their gut.

See, the Democrats would rather go along with the bullshit than actually put up a fight. Better to fuck over the people who put you in office than show a little courage. And that is not just this vote, but everything. They rolled over when they were the minority party and now they are rolling over when they are the majority party. What was needed today was for one Democrat to stand up and say:

But it won’t happen. Obama ran out the back door, like a coward. Hillary voted no.* All together, 25 Democrats voted to condemn a group that worked to get them elected. Could you envision the Republicans doing the same thing if the tables were turned? Yeah, me neither.

FearTheReaper just donated $100 to MoveOn. He's never given them money before, but it's the only way to appropriately respond to this idiocy.

*correction

Finally, a right wing version of MoveOn.org is here! And they are focused! Welcome FreedomsWatch.org!

This is the point where the movie trailer is interrupted by the sound of a needle scratching across a record. Someone should tell these guys that there is zero evidence linking terrorism to Iraq. Zero. They should check out these other countries named Pakistan, Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan.

Super. I’ll stop wanting to quit when you kids can actually define “victory.”

Um, the cavalry already controls this thing called the White House. There is also this small channel called Fox News and one or two conservative talk show hosts on the radio. But thanks for pitching in.

Okay, but you should know that the White House (cavalry) is writing General Petaeus’ report, so it’s more like Bush’s report. And those who want to “cut and run” are known as the “majority.” Thankfully, Ari Fleischer hit the press circuit today, saying exactly what was already on the website.

Is the cavalry named “Orwell,” you walking cliché? Seriously, through Ari, where you been? Last I heard you were spreading the name of a covert CIA agent around town. Welcome back!

There is a big difference between the two groups. Disenfranchised liberals started MoveOn. FreedomsWatch was created by and funded by “high-profile” Republicans, many who have worked for Bush in the past.

MoveOn is the ultimate example of a grass roots movement, while FreedomsWatch is the opposite. Two owners of a software company originally created MoveOn.org to oppose the impeachment of Clinton. The original name was "Censure and Move On." At the beginning, MoveOn even had moderate Republican members. The group was an overnight sensation. Soon, MoveOn became a major player by using small donations to raise large amounts of money. Their success was unprecedented.

FreedomsWatch.org is the opposite. The group is just another extension of the Bush cult of personality, made up of rich, well connected, Washington insiders. Best of all, FreedomsWatch has decided to base their group on one man and his very unpopular war. That should work out great.

The people running the group are also apparently advertising idiots.

Preach to the converted much? MoveOn focuses their attacks on close election races or in areas where they want to change opinions. MoveOn does not run ads in New York City or San Francisco because they are not retarded. People in those areas are already on their side. The same cannot be said for Freedomswatch. Running ads on Rush Limbaugh’s show and Fox News is a colossal waste of money.

Other ads will air in districts or home states of Republicans who have begun to voice disappointment with the progress of the war. So, basically, FreedomsWatch.org are going after Republicans, not Democrats. Keep up the good work and fight amongst yourselves.

Oh, fuck yes. If only your side had gotten a fair shake and been able to explain the terrorism/Iraq connection, just once, instead of the 944,638 times that we’ve had to endure the past five years. Nobody is buying it, dipshits. But please keep pouring your money down that hole because it is amusing me.

Here is one of the delightful ads.



It’s no time for politics? Uh, then why are you making a political ad, soldier? There is nothing like showing your amputated legs in a political ad to show how you are not being political.

Ads such as this will only solidify people’s opinions on the war. Most minds are already made up. And FreedomsWatch won’t work as a grassroots website for Bush followers because they are already highly organized. It is entirely unnecessary. MoveOn only exists to counter the right wing machine.

A new MoveOn.org campaign video was just released on YouTube and it has some serious homosexual undertones. The commercial’s objective is to tie McCain to the new Iraq escalation plan but it also makes quite a decent argument that the Senator and the President are very, very close.

One image shows McCain nestled into Bush with his arm draped around the President’s tummy. Another image shows them with their heads together, like two lovers having a nice moment. And a third makes it appear that a mischievous McCain is about to get a kiss on the ear from Bush.

It can only be described as delightful.