Kickassiest Senate Race, Ever
The Idaho Senate race is a smorgasbord of win. Does any other state have a senator retiring because he tried to fuck a guy in an airport shitter? Does any other state have a conservative in the race just because another guy in the race killed his elk? How about a candidate who changed his name to Pro Life? No, they dont. Idaho wins.
Everyone knows about Larry Craig.
Sen. Larry Craig said he "overreacted and made a poor decision" in pleading guilty to disorderly conduct after his June arrest following an incident in a Minneapolis, Minnesota, airport bathroom.
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A police officer who arrested him June 11 said Craig peered through a crack in a restroom stall door for two minutes and made gestures suggesting to the officer he wanted to engage in "lewd conduct."
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After he was taken for questioning, the police report says, Craig pulled out a Senate business card and asked the officer: "What do you think of that?"
I think youre awesome, Larry, and I will miss you. Obviously, a right wing state like Idaho cant have a senator who likes to blow dudes in public bathrooms, so Larry is retiring. And now the Democrats actually have a chance to pick up this seat. Seriously. I know, its actually more surprising than a Senator blowing a dude in a bathroom, but its true. Democrats could actually win this.
The Dems are fielding former Congressman Larry LaRocco and the GOP is putting up Lieutenant Governor Jim Risch. This is not a great year to be a Republican candidate anywhere, so Risch automatically has that black mark by his name. In addition, his comfy relationship with radioactive toxic waste is not doing him any favors.
At New West this week, Jill Kuraitis reported that 6,700 tons of soiled Kuwaiti sand is in the process of being shipped to Idaho as we speak. The sand, contaminated with depleted uranium and lead, is bound for a hazardous waste storage facility near Grandview. The reason for the shipment, according to the project manager from the American Ecology facility, "It's not something you want laying around in Kuwait."
Right. Wouldnt want that shit laying around in Kuwait, when it can find a nice home in Idaho.
American Ecology Corp., operator of the hazardous waste dump 70 miles southeast of Boise thats about to get 6,700 tons of uranium- and lead-contaminated sand from Kuwait, has been a generous donor to Idaho politicians campaigns. Most recently, the firms PAC, AEC PAC, gave $2,300 to Idaho Republican Jim Rischs U.S. Senate campaign.
The company CEO Stephen Romano is not stingy with his own money either. Since 1998 he has given the Idaho congressional delegation $4,457 from his own pocket, including a $1,000 contribution this cycle to Jim Risch's Senate campaign.
Even though Idaho is a big time red state, odds are they arent big on importing radioactive waste from the Middle East. The Iraq war will also hurt Risch, and he has been very quiet on the issue. Also, Idaho Republicans are more libertarian leaning than other states, which means they are not happy with the GOPs stances on civil liberties. LaRocco has been pushing the civil liberties issue, big time.
Risch is currently ducking debates, which will not go over well in a Senate race, especially with what is at stake. Strangely, he has also been walking around DC with Larry Craig, getting to know everyone. Note to Risch: Dont spend time with the guy who is retiring because he wanted to blow a dude in a bathroom. Meanwhile, LaRocco has a strong grassroots campaign going, Democrats have a lot more money to spend and Obama will probably have coattails, unlike McCain. And finally, during the primary, 35% of Republican voters punched their ballot for fringe candidates, instead of Risch, the former governor and current lieutenant governor.
Those are the issues and the stats. Now we get to the best part of the race. The right wing independent candidates are fucking fantastic. Lets start with my main man, Pro-Life.
In 2006, organic strawberry farmer Marvin Pro-Life Richardson ran for governor, but the state wouldnt let him list his middle name on the ballot, because they dont allow slogans. Marvin is no idiot, so he officially changed his name to Pro-Life. And holy shit, is he pro life.
Pro-Life holds strong views on abortion. He said doctors who perform abortions and women who get abortions should be charged with murder. He also said the pro-life movement should use the word murder whenever referring to abortion.
Good luck with that. Pro-life activists are actually concerned that voters will become confused and vote for Pro-Life, not knowing its a dude. In 2006, he received fewer than 2% of the vote, but with his new name he is hoping for 5%, mostly via confusion.
I think its just and I think its proper, to have Pro-Life on the ballot, Pro-Life said. If I save one babys life, its worth it.
Well, then it wont be worth it, Pro. Can I call you Pro? Or "Mr. Life?" Or insane lunatic? Whatever, I love you. Deeply.
My favorite candidate is Rex Rammell.
I love a guy who runs for Senate out of spite. Rammell is simply running to stop Risch from winning, because Rex hates Jimmy. The feud between the two started back in 2002, when some of Rammells elk escaped from his ranch. Risch was acting governor and he ordered state wildlife officials to kill them. 89 elk and 20 calves were killed. Risch had his reasons.
The elk were untagged and officials feared they might spread disease to and possibly breed with wild elk, which some wildlife experts claimed could produce a weaker genetic strain of the animals.
Rammell, a veterinarian, did not agree with the states new elk laws, which had been changed in 2001. He didnt understand why elk ranches needed a license, but sheep, cow and horse ranches did not. The stand off ended in the death of many of his herd and an undying hatred for Risch was born. He vowed to make sure Risch was never elected to office again. And he's a pretty serious dude. At one point, Rammell took part in a sit in - on top of a dead elk.
Rammell allegedly assaulted a young hunter for killing an escaped bull elk and was cited Sept. 29 for obstruction of justice after sitting on the carcass of a bull elk and refusing to get up when asked by conservation officers with the Idaho Department of Fish and Game.
Rammell was acquitted of the obstruction of justice charge. He successfully argued the dead elk was his property and he could do what he wanted with it. Take a moment here, close your eyes and picture Rex laying on top of a dead elk. Now picture him running for office. Nice, isn't it?
The feud even trickled down to the Miss Idaho USA contest in 2006. Rexs daughter, Amanda, won the pageant, but refused to be photographed with Risch, who was the governor.
Holy shit, I just linked to Pageant Cast News.
She says she respects the office of governor, but has little respect for the man serving as Idaho governor.
Word. So, whom do you think the Libertarian leaning Idaho Republicans will vote for? Hint: Ron Paul won 20% of the vote during the primary. But thats not all. Rammell is also a Mormon. They typically vote for the GOP candidate, but with an independent Mormon running, they might switch.
Due to all of these factors, Idaho could actually be a pick up for Dems. This is the reason Republicans desperately wanted Larry Craig to retire last year. Its turned into a bit of a perfect storm situation. If the Dems do win Idaho theyd be looking at a 60-vote majority.
Whores Totally Cool, Gay Stuff Not So Much
Remember Senator David Vitter? A few weeks ago we learned that he used to spend time banging hookers. The Louisiana Senator apologized for a very serious sin in his past. What he meant was that he was having sex with a prostitute and, according to phone records, was even calling the DC Madam while he was on the House floor making votes.
This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there - with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.
Of course, his fellow Republican lawmakers let it slide. No slap on the wrist for Vitter. And why should they? He apologized to them and to God. Also, the statue of limitations had passed, so he was free and clear. How does one respond to a religious man who spent his years trying to legislate morality and then gets caught screwing hookers? His fellow Republicans gave him a standing ovation upon his return to the Senate. That is some quality douchebaggery, there.
Now, lets take a look at Senator Larry Craig. Things did not go so well for him when he was arrested in a bizarre gay bathroom sting operation at the Minneapolis airport. As soon as his Republican colleagues learned of his illegal gay activity, they demanded he resign.
Craig has since claimed he is not gay and has filed papers to withdraw his guilty plea and fight the charges. He will most probably win the case because all he did was tap his foot near a cops foot. It will be a tough crime to prosecute. But his fellow Republicans dont care whether or not he is going to withdraw his plea and fight the charges. They want the gay dude gone.
So, heres the crime scorecard. Vitter admits to having sex with hookers and there is even evidence that he called for whores while he was voting on the House floor. Standing ovation. Larry Craig pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor because he was scared that the media would discover his arrest. He then said he would fight the charges. He is forced to resign. One man was having straight sex, while the other was looking for gay sex. Both are crimes, but one got lucky with the statute of limitations. Not hard to figure out what the problem was with Craig.
But the heat is about to be turned up on David Vitter. Another prostitute claimed she had a four-month sexual relationship with the Senator. Because her claims could not be verified, the charges went away. But now it looks like they are coming back.
Larry Flint paid for the hooker to take a lie detector test, which she passed. Today he will hold a news conference with the prostitute to reveal the results. They will then challenge Senator Vitter to take his own polygraph.
Ellis said Monday that she took the polygraph test because Vitter tried to impugn her credibility at a news conference in July, when he denied news reports about his involvement with prostitutes in New Orleans without being specific.
Please dont impugn the credibility of the whore. That is not cool.
And it gets better. Flynt is paying Ellis to detail all her fuck sessions with Vitter. They will be published next spring in Hustler. The magazine made sure Ellis passed the lie detector test before they offered her the deal.
Ellis said she met regularly with Vitter in the French Quarter apartment and that he paid her through her pimp, Jonathan, whose last name she did not know. She said Vitter met her through the New Orleans Escort Service.
Sadly, Vitter was not a freak.
Ellis said she and Vitter had safe sex and that he did not have any unusual proclivities. She said he paid $300 an hour for her services.
"He was a very clean man," Ellis said. "He came in, took a shower, did his business and would leave."
Boo. Why couldnt he just shit on her chest once? It would have made this a lot more fun. Either way, as much as the Republicans and Vitter want this to go away, its not. And the same can be said for Larry Craig, as he gears up to fight the charges. Keep it in the news as long as you can, boys. And don't forget, one is good and the other is bad.