Back in March I wrote an article for this website in which I criticized one of the many scams out there masquerading as Buddhist practice. Last week my publishers found and pointed me to this massively delayed reaction to what I wrote. (My thanks to Waylon of Elephant magazine for writing the piece.)

I find this fascinating on so many levels it’s hard to know where to begin. For starters I thought the videos by Genpo Roshi and Ken Wilber were hilarious. The Ken Wilber thing is especially priceless. With production values like a bad mid-morning chat show, Wilber’s sycophantic fawning over “enlightened being” Genpo with its fetid overtones of delighted self congratulation — after all, who but a fellow “enlightened being” could recognize one of his own — the Ken Wilber piece reminded me of one of those Sammy Maudlin sketches from SCTV. How do you say, "Isn't Genpo just about the most wonderful thing you’ve ever seen? He's such a deeply, deeply decent human being, which is harder than being enlightened, by the way" with a straight face?

Is this what Eastern spirituality has been reduced to in these latter days — pricey instant enlightenment schemes (Big Mind™ will cost you $150 a session) and sub par Las Vegas revue nonsense? Here’s my video response:



I count myself lucky that I came across Zen practice at a time when nobody wanted to know. In the early Eighties anything that smacked of "wisdom of the East" was relegated by the masses to the realm of played out hippy bullshit. Now it’s back and bigger than ever. But, as usual, the mainstream ignores real practice in favor of glittering garbage. The current interest in Buddhism is good news for me since I got a book deal out of it and a free subscription to Suicide Girls. But as a minor part of the media’s current fascination with all things mystical and Eastern, I often find myself placed not among fellow practitioners of the Buddhist way but among a crowd of media created spiritual superstars of dubious merit. As such I’ve found it necessary to keep putting out reminders that I really don’t have a clue what most of these whack-jobs are saying. It’s got to be difficult for serious people getting into Buddhism these days to weed the good stuff out from the charlatans in pretty robes. Good luck!

So how can someone recognize real Buddhism from the scams? Before I address that I’ll repeat what I said in that article back in March. The scam artists out there calling themselves Buddhist teachers are the exception, not the rule. Most folks in this business are not out to cheat or brainwash anyone. So in most cases it’s just a matter of finding a teacher whose style suits you. Although I should add that my own current teacher’s style did not suit me at all when I first started seeing him. Yet I saw the truth in what he said and did, so I stayed with him as much as it went against my personal tastes and preferences.

Also, I’ll say that the claim by Genpo’s spokesman that it violates the Buddhist precepts for me to call Genpo on his bullshit doesn’t hold water. Yes there is a Buddhist precept that says not to criticize Buddhist monks and laypeople. But this is being abused by scamsters who think that calling any old nonsense “Buddhism” relieves them of worries that their peers might openly disapprove of it. Sadly there seems to be great reluctance among Buddhists in general to speak out when Buddhism is slandered this way for fear of being accused of breaking the rules.

The scams are so see-through it always amazes me that anyone goes for them at all. But then again people really do send money to anonymous Nigerian bankers who contact them by random e-mails when they think it’ll net them millions of dollars without working for it. The spiritual scams work exactly the same way. They promise something for nothing and guarantee quick results. But spiritual practice is like learning to play a musical instrument. You’re going to suck the first time you pick up a guitar. Even Eddie Van Halen and Jimi Hendrix had to go through their suck-y period. It doesn’t work any other way and no technological advance will ever change that.

The Dharma does evolve in the sense that it adapts itself to different cultures and different times. But the essential process does not change because it cannot change. You can’t bend your leg around the back of your head after your very first Yoga class and you can’t get enlightened before lunch time.

When Ken and Genpo claim you can realize your true nature in a couple of hours and then “flash on it” any time you please they’re just conning you so they can pay for better set decorations. It’s a fact that your true nature is present at every moment, that it’s the basis of your very existence. But the conditioning we’ve all laid over top of that is very heavy and cannot be resolved quickly. The language of Buddhism can be corrupted just as easily as anything else. Just because someone uses words like “true nature,” “realization” and “mindfulness” (Ugh! How I hate that word!) means nothing at all when the so-called “true nature” they point to is some dreamy, blissful state to be found in the far off reaches of the cosmic void.

There’s nothing to “flash on” anyway. Enlightenment isn’t some experience you have and then file away with all the other cool shit you’ve done in your life like the memory of a three-way with your sister’s best friend and your analyst. Enlightenment is a full time job. You can’t get through the layers of bullshit you’ve swallowed from society in mere minutes anymore than you can take off the pounds put on by a lifetime of Big Macs and Frosties after a quick jog around the block following which you reward yourself with another Big Mac. This stuff takes work and anyone who tells you it doesn’t is lying.

The good news is that you can get through a million plus years of human conditioning in a decade or so, which is really not so bad when you put it that way. Plus real meditative practice has beneficial effects as soon as you begin. Try some yourself. Here’s Suicide Girl LizaRose showing you how!


Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen column appears monthly on SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE for more posts. Brad is the author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up!. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff and a MySpace page too. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.

As Brad says in the video, you can order a copy of the new CD by his band Zero Defex (aka 0DFx) from CD Baby. Get yours now!

Although there are scam artists out there calling themselves Buddhist teachers, they are the exception, not the rule. Most people who put out their shingle as a Buddhist teacher are at the very least sincere and well-meaning, and at best the kind of people who go entirely unrecognized during their lifetimes but will be regarded as saints and foreseers of the future of mankind by generations as yet unborn. Go find one and make friends.

I’m usually not specific when I write about the rare scams disguised as Buddhism because when you point fingers at someone you always get into trouble. Today, though, I’m going to point fingers, knowing full well there will be a backlash for having taken a stand against wealthy, well-connected and powerful people who will not like what I have to say. You can take what I’m about to say however you like, but at the very least I want to make it clear that, although the people I'm going to talk about here call themselves Buddhists in the Soto school of the Zen tradition just like I do, I do not support their methods nor do I want to be perceived as having anything at all to do with them. If you find what I say about Zen interesting and want to learn more, please do not go to these guys to teach you. What they teach is not Buddhism in any way shape or form, and I'll explain why.

Dennis Merzel, who calls himself Genpo Roshi, has developed a system he calls Big Mind™. And yes, the little ™ is part of the name. According to the Roshi, by using this technique, "you will have in one day — before lunch actually — the clarity and experience that a Zen master has. But Zen is seen as the school of sudden enlightenment. And we're just making sure it remains sudden." Ken Wilber, in his foreword to Genpo Roshi’s forthcoming book on Big Mind™ says, “In Zen, this realization of one’s True Nature, or Ultimate Reality, is called kensho or satori (“seeing into one’s True Nature,” or discovering Big Mind™ and Big Heart). It often takes five years or more of extremely difficult practice (I know, I’ve done it) in order for a profound satori to occur. With the Big Mind™ Process, a genuine kensho can occur in about an hour—seriously. Once you get it, you can do it virtually any time you wish, and almost instantaneously.”

This is, of course, pure horseshit. Clowns like these can con folks into parting with large sums of money — there’s a $150 “suggested donation” to attend a Big Mind™ seminar — to hear them spout drivel like this because there is so little understanding of what kensho or satori — Enlightenment, in other words — actually is. In fact, there is so much confusion on the subject that I tend to reject the words entirely. If what Genpo Roshi is selling is Enlightenment, I want no part of Enlightenment.

What do you imagine happens to a dude who gets a wild tripped-out dissociative experience in an afternoon and has some other guy who’s supposed to be a “Spiritual Master” interpret that experience for him as Enlightenment just like Buddha’s? How does the dude feel about the Master who he thinks gave him this great gift? Does he owe the Master something now? And will the dude do pretty much anything the Master asks him to just so the Master will keep on confirming the dude’s Enlightenment? What if the dude does something the Master doesn’t like and the Master starts telling everyone the dude isn’t Enlightened anymore? Does the dude’s Enlightenment even exist without the Master’s confirmation? That’s the key question. And, for bonus points, having just parted with a hundred-and-fifty smackers is the dude a.) more or b.) less likely to admit he’s been ripped off? Answers on a postcard, please.

People love to be told they can get a big pay off with no real investment and Genpo really packs ‘em in wherever he goes. But when was the last time you got something for nothing?

In the furious paced, get it done yesterday world we live in the idea of In-And-Out Enlightenment sounds pretty appealing. But do you really think someone who weasels you in with an appeal to your hunger for big experiences right away so you can get it done with and move on to the next thing really has anything at all of value to offer? It is this very hunger for big experiences that Buddhist practice — real practice as opposed to Big Mind™ — is intended to root out.

You cannot suck a piano into your nose through a straw and you cannot get Enlightened in an hour. Never. No way. No how. Fergeddaboudit! Enlightenment — the very word makes me cringe at this point — is a process that necessarily involves maturation over time. Just like a little kid can’t become a grown-up in an hour no matter how hard she wishes for it, neither can you “have the experience of a Zen Master” before lunchtime. The very idea is patently absurd. It would be like someone telling you that you could develop biceps like Arnold in an afternoon or be able to shoot hoops against Michael Jordan after a day’s b-ball lessons. It is not going to happen. Ever. To anyone. Under any circumstances. Period.

Buddhist practice is difficult and takes a lot of time, effort and energy. I know no one likes hearing that. But tough titty if you don’t. There are no shortcuts. There are no easy ways to circumvent the pain and difficulty of practice any more than there are ways to develop Arny-style guns without working out for years.

I do not doubt that Genpo has developed a technique that will give you some kind of tripped out experience in an afternoon. But tripped out experiences you get in an afternoon have no place in Buddhism. Everything I said previously about supposedly drug induced Enlightenment experiences goes double for Big Mind™.

If you think Enlightenment is something someone can give you in a big hurry for $150, you deserve your Genpo Roshis and their slimy ilk. But if you're ready to face up to reality, the real practice is there and the real teachers are more plentiful than you imagine.

Brad Warner may never work in the Zen business again after this. But he is the author of Hardcore Zen and the forthcoming Sit Down and Shut Up!. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.