Girls Gone Wild, Guards Gone Crazy
My dislike of noted jerk-off/"Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis has been covered on this site before. Last week saw a new development.
The millionaire producer of the "Girls Gone Wild" video series has accused guards of abusing him during his brief stay at an Oklahoma jail, a newspaper reported Friday [November 23].
Honestly, wouldn't you be more disappointed to hear he wasn't abused in jail? Part of me would feel greatly let down by the system to hear that he strolled out without a care in the world. Isn't that what jail is for? Why we all do our best to, you know, not go there. I'm not saying he should've been lynched, but what's wrong with a little roughing up from the guards, a smack or errant elbow here or there, or even there, again? Worse things have happened... at the behest of Joe Francis.
There really needs to be a sliding scale posted for all of us to see. Figuring out jail etiquette is too hard without it. If traffic violator and crooked accountant are at one end of the "respect/prisoners pummel you scale" and child molester is at the other -- well, I hope they put him towards the molester end. Near serial killers and the people who make "Family Guy."
Guards at the Grady County Law Enforcement Center denied Joe Francis food and blankets and threatened to strap him naked to a chair for 48 hours, Francis' attorneys alleged last month in court papers seeking his release on bail in a Florida case, The Oklahoman reported.
Wow, I guess we can add "world class pussy" to the things we already know about Joe Francis. Food and blankets? Threatened to strap him naked to a chair... Oh the horror! Why God, why?!
Hey, remember that harrowing episode of HBO's "OZ" when Adibisi was denied a blanket? You don't? How about that nail-biter episode of "Prison Break" where they threatened to strap the hunky model guy to a chair... but, then... didn't... You missed that one? That's odd...
Francis, 34, was held at the jail from May 17 to June 4 while being moved from a Florida jail to a federal facility in Reno, Nev., where he is awaiting trial next year on a tax evasion charge.
May 17th to June 4th, AKA -- barely enough time to starve to death. And judging by the bloated photo of him accompanying the article, he had a pretty good head start on "starvation."
Grady County officials denied the accusations, telling the newspaper that guards never threatened to strap Francis to a chair, that Francis had an extra blanket he shouldn't have had confiscated and that his transfer was delayed because his family had somehow found out when he was to have been moved, creating a potential security risk.
I'm actually surprised he's not calling it a blanky-wanky.
Wouldn't you maybe think twice about alleging abuse and going public over minor concerns like this when you're public persona is hardly one that's beloved? You would? I would, too.
"Mr. Francis was treated like every inmate that comes through the Grady County Law Enforcement Center," jail administrator Shane Wyatt told the newspaper.
I hope that's not the case. Did I miss a "wink, wink" in the article? I hope so. C'mon prisons -- your awful, horrific image burned into the public consciousness is at stake here. At least give him a blanket party...
TheCoolerKing is gonna go watch some "Kitchen Nighmares" on BBC America
Meet the Douchebag!
You may've heard that noted creep and "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis is in jail. Apparently the charge was guilty of being a piece of shit? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. Now, instead of just ducking his head and going about his douche-battle for freedom in privacy, he's created a website hoping to win you over.
It takes a lot for me to side with with religious wack-jobs, and the ones going after Francis have somehow managed the task.
The site is loaded with goofy "headshots" which do their best to portray Francis as a charming, fun-loving dude. Not the kind of "head shots," I'd hope we'd be talking about in a story involving Francis, but, hey you can't have everything...
The site contains a section detailing His Story. It is 18 pages long. Eighteen. Surely the heroic act of him having been born and all his legendary deeds since that fateful day, could've been relayed in, oh, some number less than 18 pages? I think so.
There's also a photo gallery, for all your Joe Francis-photo needs. Like, for example, if you were a particularly unscrupulous charades player, and you needed to get your team to say, "shit-bag," you could point to one of these photos.
There's also a FAQ section. Here's me taking cheap shots at that section:
Q: How did you come up with the name "Girls Gone Wild"?
A: Once I had the first tape edited together, I knew I needed a catchy name. During a cross-country flight, I took out a legal pad and just started brainstorming. I love being creative, so I spent hours writing and scratching out hundreds of names. I finally settled on "College Girls Gone Wild" - and then, at the last minute, I crossed out the word "College" and circled the words "Girls Gone Wild." I had my brand.
Wow, I really feel sorry for those people who got to witness the signing of the Magna Carta or the creation of the Mona Lisa, or more recently, those who watched the great Muhammad Ali in the ring. It really is a shame they don't let you pick the "legendary moments" to witness. Sad, how they were forced to go through life, so much the poorer for never having heard the tale of Joe's momentous feat.
Also, he "loves being creative," and yet it took him over several hundred tries to come up with the title, "Girls Gone Wild." But, remember, he loves being creative.
Q: Why do you think all those girls are willing to flash for your cameras?
A: I think its a couple of things. First, girls enjoy attention. Its a simple female trait that the average girl needs and deserves a healthy amount of attention. Second, its a form of expression. College-age girls are beginning to enjoy their independence, and flashing is a way of saying, "This is my body, Im proud of it and I dont mind giving you a chance to admire it." Its as simple as that, really. I dont think its a sexual act. I honestly think its just an expression of fun and freedom.
Ah yes, alcohol and drug-fueled, instantly regrettable, underage... freedom. Oh, you girls and your endless desire for attention! Joe sure has figured it all out.
Q: Do you see yourself ever settling down and getting married?
A: Absolutely. Im a romantic guy, and I am really looking forward to starting a family.
Awwwwww! Right ladies? Such a softie!
Q: Does your job allow you to have sex with a lot of girls?
A: Well, its not because of my job; I dont use my job in that way. I guess the correct answer is "as many as possible." Im not always successful, but I probably deserve an "A" for effort. My philosophy is that it never hurts to ask...
Fucking high five, brah!
...But as the brother of three sisters, I know very well that "No" means "No."
Yes, because that's the only situation where you'd ever learn that lesson.
Q: Do you really have a private jet?
A: Yes. I took my first ride in a private jet about six years ago, and found the freedom of the whole experience so amazing that I bought a Falcon jet three weeks later.
Who's asking these question, a fucking six-year-old? Hey, Joe, have you ever met a real live fireman?
Q: Do angry dads, brothers or boyfriends come after you?
A: Its only happened once. In our second year of business, a gentleman called our offices. When I answered, he said, "Who is this?" I told him, and he said, "Did my daughter flash for your cameras?" I looked up the paperwork on his daughter and said, "Yes. Im looking at her signed release. How can I help you?" There was a long silence, and finally he said, "Well, I guess she wanted to do it, or she wouldnt have done it." I agreed, and he said, "Long as I have you on the phone, do you think you could send me some free videos?"
See folks, completely fabricated situations don't lie. This fictional gentleman from made-up-land would surely attest to that.
Joe goes on to describe how women are like cats, explain which part of the country has the hottest chicks, and talk about his desire to have a family.
The most shocking thing about all of this? He actually built this site to help his cause.
TheCoolerking seems to be drinking far too much coffee lately. He also sometimes types the word "coffee," when he means, "whisky."
Meet the Douchebag!
You may've heard that noted creep and "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis is in jail. Apparently the charge was guilty of being a piece of shit? I don't know, I'm not a lawyer. Now, instead of just ducking his head and going about his douche-battle for freedom in privacy, he's created a website hoping to win you over.
It takes a lot for me to side with with religious wack-jobs, and the ones going after Francis have somehow managed the task.
The site is loaded with goofy "headshots" which do their best to portray Francis as a charming, fun-loving dude. Not the kind of "head shots," I'd hope we'd be talking about in a story involving Francis, but, hey you can't have everything...
The site contains a section detailing His Story. It is 18 pages long. Eighteen. Surely the heroic act of him having been born and all his legendary deeds since that fateful day, could've been relayed in, oh, some number less than 18 pages? I think so.
There's also a photo gallery, for all your Joe Francis-photo needs. Like, for example, if you were a particularly unscrupulous charades player, and you needed to get your team to say, "shit-bag," you could point to one of these photos.
There's also a FAQ section. Here's me taking cheap shots at that section:
Q: How did you come up with the name "Girls Gone Wild"?
A: Once I had the first tape edited together, I knew I needed a catchy name. During a cross-country flight, I took out a legal pad and just started brainstorming. I love being creative, so I spent hours writing and scratching out hundreds of names. I finally settled on "College Girls Gone Wild" - and then, at the last minute, I crossed out the word "College" and circled the words "Girls Gone Wild." I had my brand.
Wow, I really feel sorry for those people who got to witness the signing of the Magna Carta or the creation of the Mona Lisa, or more recently, those who watched the great Muhammad Ali in the ring. It really is a shame they don't let you pick the "legendary moments" to witness. Sad, how they were forced to go through life, so much the poorer for never having heard the tale of Joe's momentous feat.
Also, he "loves being creative," and yet it took him over several hundred tries to come up with the title, "Girls Gone Wild." But, remember, he loves being creative.
Q: Why do you think all those girls are willing to flash for your cameras?
A: I think its a couple of things. First, girls enjoy attention. Its a simple female trait that the average girl needs and deserves a healthy amount of attention. Second, its a form of expression. College-age girls are beginning to enjoy their independence, and flashing is a way of saying, "This is my body, Im proud of it and I dont mind giving you a chance to admire it." Its as simple as that, really. I dont think its a sexual act. I honestly think its just an expression of fun and freedom.
Ah yes, alcohol and drug-fueled, instantly regrettable, underage... freedom. Oh, you girls and your endless desire for attention! Joe sure has figured it all out.
Q: Do you see yourself ever settling down and getting married?
A: Absolutely. Im a romantic guy, and I am really looking forward to starting a family.
Awwwwww! Right ladies? Such a softie!
Q: Does your job allow you to have sex with a lot of girls?
A: Well, its not because of my job; I dont use my job in that way. I guess the correct answer is "as many as possible." Im not always successful, but I probably deserve an "A" for effort. My philosophy is that it never hurts to ask...
Fucking high five, brah!
...But as the brother of three sisters, I know very well that "No" means "No."
Yes, because that's the only situation where you'd ever learn that lesson.
Q: Do you really have a private jet?
A: Yes. I took my first ride in a private jet about six years ago, and found the freedom of the whole experience so amazing that I bought a Falcon jet three weeks later.
Who's asking these question, a fucking six-year-old? Hey, Joe, have you ever met a real live fireman?
Q: Do angry dads, brothers or boyfriends come after you?
A: Its only happened once. In our second year of business, a gentleman called our offices. When I answered, he said, "Who is this?" I told him, and he said, "Did my daughter flash for your cameras?" I looked up the paperwork on his daughter and said, "Yes. Im looking at her signed release. How can I help you?" There was a long silence, and finally he said, "Well, I guess she wanted to do it, or she wouldnt have done it." I agreed, and he said, "Long as I have you on the phone, do you think you could send me some free videos?"
See folks, completely fabricated situations don't lie. This fictional gentleman from made-up-land would surely attest to that.
Joe goes on to describe how women are like cats, explain which part of the country has the hottest chicks, and talk about his desire to have a family.
The most shocking thing about all of this? He actually built this site to help his cause.
TheCoolerking seems to be drinking far too much coffee lately. He also sometimes types the word "coffee," when he means, "whisky."
Joe Francis Update
It just gets better and better:
"Girls Gone Wild" bad boy Joe Francis has allegedly been found with pills in his Florida jail cell -- and the reason he got caught is because he allegedly tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water with a $100 bill on Wednesday night.
Even better is the suspicion that the president of the film company that produces GGW is the one who smuggled in the pills.
Update -- now he also appears to be under indictment for tax evasion.
You almost want to feel sorry for the guy, who is obviously incredibly fucked up, but . . . nope. Haven't got it in me.
Bitch_PhD loves a good train wreck when it's well-deserved.
"Girls Gone Wild" Asshole Pleads Guilty
Joe Francis, raging douchebag and founder of the Girls Gone Wild empire, plead guilty to charges he and his company video taped underage girls. Francis acknowledged he did not maintain proper age and identity documents for each girl who performed for his camera. Although Francis will not spend any time in jail for the offenses, the court fines come directly out of Francis pocket.
GGW founder Joe Francis, along with related his related companies, Mantra Films Inc. and MRA Holding LLC, agreed to pay the government a total of $2.1 million in fines and restitution, however only $500,000 will be paid by Francis himself.
Francis showed regret for footage depicting underage girls involved in "sexually explicit conduct" in two of his Girls Gone Wild DVDs.
"Mantra Films, Inc., MRA Holdings Inc. and I admit that during 2002 and at times in 2003, we produced and distributed videos without obtaining the required records or attaching appropriate labeling," Francis said in a statement.
This is a landmark ruling; Francis was the first person to be successfully prosecuted under new federal laws requiring adult filmmakers to keep detailed records documenting age of participants in their films.
The charges in this case are believed to be the first to be filed under a law -- often referred to as Section 2257 -- passed by Congress to prevent the sexual exploitation of children. The law protects against the use of minors in the production of sexually explicit material by requiring producers to create and maintain age and identity records for every performer in sexually explicit movies and other media.
"Girls Gone Wild" Founder Assaults Female Reporter
While answering questions about his pending sexual assault charges, "Girls Gone Wild" founder Joe Francis assaulted the female interviewer from the LA Times. The profile ran in Sundays edition of the paper, and of course writer Claire Hoffman didnt have many nice things to say about the notorious douchebag.
Joe Francis, the founder of the "Girls Gone Wild" empire, is humiliating me. He has my face pressed against the hood of a car, my arms twisted hard behind my back. He's pushing himself against me, shouting: "This is what they did to me in Panama City!"
It's after 3 a.m. and we're in a parking lot on the outskirts of Chicago. Electronic music is buzzing from the nightclub across the street, mixing easily with the laughter of the guys who are watching this, this me-pinned-and-helpless thing.
Francis isn't laughing.
He has turned on me, and I don't know why. He's going on and on about Panama City Beach, the spring break spot in northern Florida where Bay County sheriff's deputies arrested him three years ago on charges of racketeering, drug trafficking and promoting the sexual performance of a child. As he yells, I wonder if this is a flashback, or if he's punishing me for being the only blond in sight who's not wearing a thong. This much is certain: He's got at least 80 pounds on me and I'm thinking he's about to break my left arm. My eyes start to stream tears.
After getting away from Francis grip, Hoffman did what any assertive woman would doshe punched him in his fucking face. Francis didnt take the hint; he responded by continuing his assault.
"Damn," bystanders say. Francis barely blinks. He snatches at my notebook. He is amped, his broad face sneering as he does a sort of boxer's skip around me, jabbering, grabbing at my arms and my stomach as I try to move away, clutching my notebook to my chest. He stabs a finger in my face, shouting, "You don't care about the 1st Amendment. I care about the 1st Amendment, but you are the kind of reporter who doesn't care."
Unbelievably, this scene occurred in front of a police officer. For unknown reasons, the officers chose not to arrest Francis on the spot, but instead urged Hoffman to file charges.
"I would have been happy to put the guy in jail," Melrose Park, Ill., police officer Ementi Coary is quoted as saying. While Hoffman waited for a cab, Francis tousled her hair, taunting, "We love our little reporter. Don't we, guys?" Hoffman says, "I stared down in the dirt as he whispered in my ear, 'I'm sorry, baby, give me a kiss.'
Is Joe Francis really the most disgusting asshole ever, or was that just the cocaine talking?
Francis giving a lift to "friend" Lindsay Lohan.