Thank God for Daylight Saving Time!
Hopefully, you had fun this past weekend. If you didn't, you can at least rest assured that you had a better time than Adriana Torres-Flores.
A woman was locked for four days in a tiny holding cell in a northern Arkansas courthouse, forgotten by the authorities and left without food or water, the local Sheriffs Department said Tuesday.
The woman, Adriana Torres-Flores, 38, a longtime illegal immigrant from Mexico, slept on the floor with only a shoe for a pillow, and with nothing to drink except her own urine, The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette reported. There was no bathroom in the cell.
A bailiff had apparently forgotten that he placed Ms. Torres-Flores, a mother of three, in the cell last Thursday, and simply left her in the empty courthouse, in Fayetteville, over the weekend, said the chief deputy of the Washington County Sheriffs Department, Jay Cantrell. A snowstorm meant that there were far fewer people than usual working at the courthouse on Friday.
He just flat forgot about her, Mr. Cantrell said, adding that the bailiff, Jarrod Hankins, had been placed on administrative leave, having been on the job a few months. It was just a horrible mistake, Mr. Cantrell said.
I really don't think, "Oh, shit ... sorry about that, ma'am! He's new here.", works as an excuse in a situation like this.
But, she must've been in there for a really good reason. Probably drugs, DUI, murder ... something like that, right?
... she had been among numerous people arrested at a flea market on charges related to the sale of pirated DVDs and CDs.
Oooh ... copyright infringement. She deserved hard time.
Understandably, her lawyer and the A.C.L.U. are probing the incident a little more deeply, trying to determine if this is simply another example of an ongoing pattern of mistreatment of Hispanics.
In Little Rock, Rita Sklar, executive director of the A.C.L.U. of Arkansas, said the organization was very concerned.
There certainly have been a lot of problems in that corner of the state, in terms of police treatment of Latinos and bigoted statements by government officials, Ms. Sklar said. Were looking into the general problem in northwest Arkansas of racial profiling and abuse of power.
My guess is that her flea market days are over. Illegal immigrant or not, she'll most likely soon be receiving a hefty settlement from the great State of Arkansas.
Hopefully, they'll also drop the charges against her.
She's already done her time.
Return to Cell Block Hilton
Late last week, TheCoolerKing was there on the front line, bringing you breaking news as Paris Hilton pulled a Get Out of Jail Free card out of who-knows-where and was promptly released from the L.A. Detention Center, whereupon she immediately passed Go and collected $200 in cupcakes. Now, I regret to tell you that I am the bearer of much more somber news: on Friday, a judge ordered her back to jail to complete her sentence, and this time, our little Monopoly champ will not fight back.
Paris Hilton says she will not appeal against her 45-day jail sentence for violating probation on a driving ban.
She is being held at a detention centre in Los Angeles, where she was believed to have undergone medical and psychiatric tests.
On Friday a judge ordered her back to jail, ending a brief stint under house arrest at her Hollywood Hills home. She was taken screaming from the court.
Incidentally, she has just issued a statement explaining her position, and I can only describe it as truly heartrending:
Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judges decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriffs concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience.
Oh, Paris. You brought this on yourself, you know. If you'd only taken your sentence like a man, you'd be a couple days closer to done with this whole mess. Kind of like those real estate signs by the side of the freeway that say "If you lived here, you'd be home right now." But instead, you made a scene; then you went home and consoled yourself with delicious baked goods, drawing smarmy modern-day Marie Antoinette comparisons from journalists across the globe, by which I mean my living room. The ax had to come down sometime.
But all is not lost; it would seem that these days of introspection and desserts have made her a better, more eloquent woman. Perhaps we, too, can learn from her ordeal.
As I have said before, I hope others will learn from my mistake. I have also had time to read the mail from my fans. I very much appreciate all of their good wishes and hope they will keep their letters coming.
I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world.
Spoken like a winner. Or a winner's publicist. Whatever. Godspeed and God bless, you angel of the media. We're all pulling for you here at the station.
Chris Gore's Footage Fetishes: Paris Hilton's Women in Prison Movie Hot List
Paris Hiltons short-lived jail stay has sparked outrage among many. A celebrity receiving preferential treatment within the criminal justice system is nothing new, but the media attention to Paris plight only heightens awareness of the problems facing women who go to prison. For me, all I can think about is, well, women in prison movies. This exploitation genres popularity is due mostly to scenes involving women taking showers, females sharing intimate moments as well as much-loved cat fights.
Paris received no jail time for her performance in 2005's House of Wax, though many critics thought her bad acting was criminal.
When Paris was about to enter prison, she was quoted as saying that she would bring books to read. I cant think of a more outrageous idea. Paris reading? Who would believe such complete nonsense? I prefer to think that shed load up her Netflix queue with a selection of women in prison films.
So, for Paris and as a public service to anyone facing jail time, heres a round-up of notable movies about women behind bars.
Women in Cages (1971)
This lackluster entry in the category centers on a women sent to prison on an island to serve ten years after being set up by her drug dealer boyfriend. Escaping into the jungle proves to be a bad idea when bounty hunters have their way with the ladies.
Kinda hot.
The Big Doll House (1971)
Director Jack Hill points his camera at Pam Grier who heads up a cast of virtual unknowns in a fairly forgettable film in the genre. As usual, Pam is badass. If this is what prison is about, then sign me up.
That's hot!
Black Mama, White Mama (1972)
Pam Grier returns to prime form co-starring with Margaret Markov in this women on the run film. These two ladies are chained together and must fight the wilderness and their differences (so cute) to survive. They soon find creeps like fine actor Sid Haig actually deserve to die.
Love it!
The incredibly sexy Barbara Steele from the memorable 1974 classic Caged Heat directed by Jonathan Demme.
Caged Heat (1974)
The tagline from the poster reads like a warning: Rape Riot and Revenge! White Hot Desires melting cold prison steel! Barbara Steele stars in what is known as probably the best film of the genre and the one that set the tone for future female incarceration flicks. Director Jonathan Demme delivered all the elements one would expect, the nudity, the violence and the sexual tension, while grounding the story in a disturbing reality. Viewers should be warned about graphic scenes with electroshock experiments and raping drugged prisoners.
That's hot! Hot! Hot!
Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS (1974)
Ilsa spawned a series of forgettable sequels, but the original stands the test of time as a classic. One of the best in the genre, this is not only a great women in prison film, but a fetishists' dream. The Ilsa in the title is the sadistic prison warden at a Nazi death camp who inflicts suffering in ways people pay top dollar for now. No one is good in this film, and by not being good, I mean bad, and by bad, I mean really good. Make sense?
Mean... and hot!
Reform School Girls (1986)
Reform School Girls would be one of the worst films ever made were it not for the amazing cast. Sybil Danning and the tough as nails warden, and punk icon Wendy O. Williams as a violent inmate made sparks fly in all the right ways.
So hot!
Chicago (2002)
Chicago proves two things: that a women in prison movie can get Academy Award recognition and that musical numbers should never appear in a women in prison movie.
Hmmm...
Brokedown Palace (1999)
Kate Beckinsdale and Claire Daines decide to blow off a trip to Hawaii to vacation in Thailand... the land of adventure and really scary prisons. This humorless film completely misses the mark taking a serious approach to the ridiculous story. There are no catfights or scenes of women getting close. A huge disappointment.
Gross.
Chicken Run (2000)
Chicken Run is actually based heavily on the Steve McQueen World War II prison camp movie The Great Escape, except in this case all the characters are chickens. Yep, chickens. Nick Park, who brought the world the amazing clay-animated adventures of Wallace and Gromit, is brains behind the most unique women in prison film ever. Sure, the conventions of the genre are turned upside down, but you will find plenty of chick fights.
Yummy!
Bamboo House of Dolls (1974)
This Shaw Brothers Hong Kong-sploitation flick is probably better known by its original title Nu ji zhong ying. A Japanese POW camp is the setting for this Asian women in prison film in which a nurse plots her escape. There's plenty of nudity and extreme violence as the Japanese prey on the Chinese women resulting in abuse and rape.
Gross.
Prison-A-Go-Go (2003)
This prison movie parody contains the standard issue shower scenes and the evil doctors while throwing in bizarre elements like kung fu food fights, mud wrestling and zombies. It makes little sense, but there's plenty to laugh at.
Funny and hot!
Slammer Girls (1987)
Released when comedies like Airplane! were at their height, this is perhaps the very first spoof of the genre. Unfortunately, it goes to prove that satirizing something that is already itself ridiculous doesn't always lead to laughs.
Not hot.
Gore gone.
Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. Chris' rap sheet includes a charge of possession of alcohol at the age of 19 resulting in one night spent in a Detroit jail.
Paris: Kind of a Pansy, Even for an Heiress
Remember when we were told that she would receive absolutely no special treatment?
Paris Hilton has been fitted for ankle bracelet and reassigned to house arrest, after authorities decided to release Hilton from jail due to medical reasons, this according to Los Angeles County Sheriff's Dept. spokesperson, Steve Whitmore.
Seriously, Paris? Youre telling us youre not even as tough as Leona Helmsly? Youre saying when the chips are down, when they separate the wheat from the chaff (not only do I not know what this means, I dont know who the they is. Farmers? Whoever they are, theyre doing a fantastic job), Martha Fucking Stewart passes a gut check that you are incapable of even attempting. Youre content saying "I cannot hack this anymore," at around the same time Martha Stewart was still unpacking pinecones and a hot glue gun (sorta stale, I know, but still a nice visual).
Maybe Im being a bit harsh. After all, a stab wound can be fatal. So can a heretofore-unknown tumor hemorrhaging. Cancer can also -- Wait, what? What's that you say?
Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Paris Hilton's medical condition was purely psychological and that she was in peril of having a nervous breakdown, and that's why she was released early this morning.
Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We're told after Sophy's visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton's mental state was fragile and she was at risk.
It's true, the last thing wed want is someone in prison being at risk. Still, it happens. Not that different from my Hispanic gardener friend. They let him out of jail just last week after he developed a headache.*
* "Let him out jail" is prison slang for someone kicking you in the balls while insulting you racially.
Prison searched... Vagina Parrot Found!
A recent article on Ireland.com detailed last week's Portlaoise maximum-security prison search that targeted inmate contraband.
Yesterday officers seized at least eight smuggled mobile phones, three SIM cards, around 150 tablets, including ecstasy, a significant quantity of powdered drugs, a large amount of homemade alcohol, known as hooch, and 30 syringes, while prisoners were locked in their cells.
The article then made quick note of this interesting tid bit:
A budgie, believed to have been smuggled into the jail by a female visitor who concealed the bird internally in her body, is understood to have belonged to a prisoner serving a long-term jail sentence.
Translation? She put a parrot in her vagina and snuck it into her loverboy on the inside. Fortunately though, this seems to be an isolated incident, as Ireland.com went on to report:
Today the school and laundry were checked, where the extra items were found. The Irish Prison Service, however, confirmed that "no more budgies or small animals" had been found.
Travel experts are advising potential tourists to book hotels early as discovery of what many consider to be the only surviving vagina parrot in the world is expected to cause an unprecidented spike in tourism.
Another Blow to Free Speech in Egypt
Freedom of speech and the press are two things that many Americans take for granted. Our comedians make sport of ridiculing our nation's politicians, governmental institutions and country's religions, and pundits and editorialists take every opportunity to find fault with them and expose their hypocrisies. The ability to say and think what we choose is the backbone of any free society, since it is only through criticism and resultant offering of alternative ideas that the best options can be brought to light for any situation, and through which people and agencies can be exposed for what they really are. Unfortunately this freedom is still not enjoyed by many people, even some living in countries allied with the US, like Egypt.
An Egyptian court has sentenced a blogger to four years' prison for insulting Islam and the president.
Abdel Kareem Soliman's trial was the first time that a blogger had been prosecuted in Egypt.
He had used his web log to criticise the country's top Islamic institution, al-Azhar university and President Hosni Mubarak, whom he called a dictator.
A human rights group called the verdict "very tough" and a "strong message" to Egypt's thousands of bloggers.
Soliman, 22, was tried in his native city of Alexandria. He blogs under the name Kareem Amer.
A former student at al-Azhar, he called the institution "the university of terrorism" and accused it of suppressing free thought.
The university expelled him in 2006 and pressed prosecutors to put him on trial.
If the analogous situation were true for the US, and I were put in jail for every instance where I've publicly criticized George W. Bush and Christianity, I'd be serving many consecutive life sentences. Fortunately it's not the case, but Egypt apparently feels differently on the issue.
Tyranny is often the last trick in the bag of someone who feels his political future is indeterminate. Mubarak has been cracking down on dissidents for some time now, and ironically enough (considering his government's willingness to jail individuals who criticize Islam) the main opposing political force within Egypt is the Muslim Brotherhood, a moderate Islamist party seeking to toss out the autocratic Mubarak in favor of a democratically elected Islamist government. Despite electoral gains in 2005, Mubarak has pushed hard to squelch the movement, one that he rightly perceives as a threat to his power. Unfortunately it would appear that the blogger Soliman, along with free speech rights, are casualties in this political war.
Kate Moss Avoids the Slammer
Kate Moss narrowly avoided prosecution on drug charges recently. Today, prosecutors in Great Britain announced the model will not face criminal charges even with video evidence showing Moss snorting lines in a London recording studio with her then-boyfriend, Pete Doherty, a notorious drug-user.
Last September, the U.K. tabloid Daily Mirror obtained photo stills and video of Moss cutting lines and snorting copious amounts of white powder. After the rag published the photos, Moss issued an apology for her actions, then checked into rehab. Upon being released from the Arizona clinic, Moss was questioned by authorities, but no arrests were made.
The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) said there was an "absolutely clear indication" that the supermodel was using controlled drugs in photographs published by the Daily Mirror.
But because it was unclear whether the substance allegedly being abused was cocaine, ecstasy or amphetamine no further action could be taken.
British authorities claimed they have no direct evidence other than the video, and unless Moss admits to using drugs that evening, they cannot prove what she was snorting.
"In the absence of any forensic evidence, or direct eyewitness evidence about the substance in question, its precise nature could not be established. Ms. Moss declined to provide any explanation when interviewed, and the direct eyewitnesses also declined to provide evidence."
This development leads me to an important decision: should I decide to become a drug addict, I will abuse every possibly illegal substance, so when Im photographed with my face in a mirror and a straw up my nose, the police will have no way of telling what the fuck Im putting there. God Bless reasonable doubt.
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