Most of the time I get the Republican mindset. More often than not, it is just team vs. team. Their astounding hypocrisy knows no bounds. When in control, they say one thing, but when not in control, they immediately flock to the position they formerly criticized. It’s actually quite amusing. As far as big business goes, they’ll bend over anyway they can and have quite a few Americans convinced screwing themselves over is the way to go. Their economic policies have destroyed our country and I find it hard to believe they still stand behind their ideas, but they serve their corporate masters, so I get it. Yet once again, they have come with an attack that is so shockingly stupid it is beyond my comprehension. Their attacks on Obama over his decision to not strongly criticize the Iranian government are astoundingly stupid. You’ve got to wonder if they actually believe taking such a ridiculously stupid stance is real, or if they will just say the opposite of whatever Obama believes.

Well, first of all, we are not for human rights all over the world. That’s the dumbest argument ever made. We just aren't. We never have been and we never will be. We’re about money and that’s all we are “for” all over the world. To believe otherwise is to deny history and reality.

But let me back up for a moment and just focus on Iran. If there is one country in the world that we owe the favor of staying out of their business to, it is Iran; America has already ruined Iran. The reason Iran is a theocracy is because of the United States of America. It’s called fucking yourself in the ass. It is one our greatest failures. We did more than “meddle” in Iran; in 1953 we helped to overthrow its democratically elected government, installed the brutal Shah and sent Iran on the path to dictatorship. It eventually led to the Islamic Revolution. That’s called “Blowback.” In the 1980’s we supported our friend Saddam Hussein in his war with Iran, which cost hundreds of thousands of Iranian lives. We even shot down an Iranian passenger jet in the ‘80s. Can you imagine if Iran had shot down one of ours?

Now, after years of belligerently stupid foreign policy, Obama has taken a different tact. It’s actually smart, which I’m sure confuses the Iranian leaders. They had become accustomed to the ignorant and simplistic responses of George Bush. Obama has chosen to take the “soft diplomacy” route and it’s already paying off. During his Cairo speech, he addressed Iran.

It’s hard to call someone the “Great Satan” when Satan is admitting mistakes. I know that’s difficult for the idiots in the GOP to understand, but that’s how it works. By not responding in kind, Obama has shown the belligerence of Iranian leaders to Iranians. They have been on the path to democracy for a long time. It’s a very slow one and should be. Iranians were already upset that their president’s language has caused economic isolation. It is causing massive unemployment and now that the US president is not responding like a mirror belligerent idiot, the focus is on one man as the problem: Ahmadinejad,

But the Republicans want us to keep swinging the big, dumb stick – because it's worked out so well over the past 8 years.

No, actually, they question if we believe in our principles because we support brutal regimes like Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Pakistan. They’re not idiots who believe in words over action. Those are your minions you are thinking of.

First, I don’t think in the closet gay guys should be talking about leading anything, not that being gay has anything to do with Senator Graham. Second, I cannot believe anyone would be so dumb as to not understand that if we take a side, then the Iranian government can call the protesters “tools” of the United States. Seriously, how can you be that stupid? I honestly can’t understand it.

Also, the idea that Obama making a harsh statement would have an uplifting affect on the Iranian protesters is shockingly arrogant. Get over yourselves. How is this supposed to work?

Protestor: Today I take to the streets for my vote! I am willing to die for this cause. Justice must be served!

Obama: The Iranian leaders are super bad. I’ve got your back with words but not action!

Protestor: Oh, man, I was only kind of into this stuff, but now I’m really, really into it! I will now overthrow my government because some dude living in another country said he likes me.

That pretty much seems to be what people like McCain and Graham actually think is going to happen. One “atta boy” from the president and the game is changed. America likes you! Now you can have an awesome revolution! It’s so moronic I can barely wrap my head around it.

In reality, the statement McCain and company want would do serious harm to those Iranians taking on their government. Once they are labeled as associated with the United States, they will be murdered. As of now, the security forces are actually showing restraint. But Republicans seem to think having a segment of the Iranian population aligned with “The Great Satan” is wise. Amazing. And I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. I’m believing them to be sincere. If they are not and this is just another political game and they are criticizing Obama because they want to take the opposing view due to party politics – then they are more disgusting than I could ever imagine because lives are on the line. That is inexcusable.

The sad thing is the protesters aren’t even asking for western type democracy. Most Iranians want a religious government of some sort. What they are in the streets fighting for is the small bit of self rule they were allowed. As one man in the street said, “They’ve taken away the sham of electing someone.” Republicans, and many other Americans, are putting their own spin on it. At best, they want to believe a democracy will emerge from this mess, but that’s not part of the equation yet. This is just a small step in that direction and it’s going very well. (At worst, do they even care about democracy? It's not like Republican's were actually that keen on counting votes or even allowing all eligible Americans to cast them in recent elections.)

The Iranian government will never be the same. Ever. For us, that’s a pretty good deal. So, let’s stay out of this one. We have two reasons for doing so. First, our involvement would backfire on those people we want to succeed. Second, we owe them. We own the Iranian people for every horrible thing we have done. We owe them for subjecting them to 26 years of a brutal dictator followed by 30 years of an oppressive religious government. We did that and it’s time to take the moral high ground.

If we don’t – you can pretty much guarantee the opposite of what we want
will occur.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

It turns out that Americans and Iranians are not so different after all. The current protests in Iran show a yearning for democracy and a desire for self-determination. After what appears to have been a blatantly stolen election in Iran, supporters of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi have taken to the streets, defying a protest ban. Protesters are being beaten and shot at, but they remain because they believe a great injustice has occurred.

We here in America get it. We fully support your struggle, Iranians.

There is a time when one has to take a stand and fight. It's how we birthed our great nation and it's something we value and use when necessary.

There comes a time when enough is enough and men must stand up against tyranny. Like the man who stood in front of that tank in Tiananmen Square in 1989, this is your time. Did that man and his fellow protesters succeed? Not in the short term, but they laid the groundwork for a future revolution. They showed how powerful a mob can be, just as the Iranians in the streets of Tehran are today and Americans on the streets of Los Angeles did on Sunday night.

The parallel desires for justice are amazing..

Justice. Now. Every movement has a leader. Iran has the eloquent Mousavi.

America has the bold Kobe Bryant.

We stand together.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

We are in a bit of a quandary. For years now, the U.S. has been at war with terrorism – which is weird, because terrorism is a tactic, not a thing. But, whatever. Our war on terror has been going on since 9/11. We’re losing. We’ve pretty much made every wrong move possible in this “global conflict” and the blow back will be severe and horrible. One only needs to look at 9/11, which was blow back for our involvement in the Russian-Afghanistan war and the first Iraq War, to see how it can come back on us. But today we find ourselves in a really terrible position. I think we actually have to bomb and torture ourselves. Why? Because we’re terrorists.

A terrorist group called Jundullah operates in Balochistan. You may not have heard of Balochistan. I have. I remember reading about it in the build-up to the invasion of Iraq. Seems an odd connection, right? Balochistan is like Kurdistan - a people without a country. Bolachistan is in Iran, Afghanistan, but mainly Pakistan.

Balochis were a small part of the decade long, neo-con push to invade Iraq. According the propaganda I read, Balochistan was one of the most inhospitable places on Earth. People raised there were incredibly tough sons of bitches – which is why they were recruited by a certain Saddam Hussein to do very bad things. TO AMERICA!

Yeah, neo-cons created an almost comic book origin for a super breed of terrorists. It was pretty retarded, but they went ahead with it anyway. According to our right wing lunatic friends, Hussein recruited the Baloch to destroy America. It was a mysterious scary place and the men coming out of Balochistan were scary people.

Today, years after the Iraq War lies have been put to bed, Balochistan is back in the news. But this time, the terrorists aren’t working against the U.S.; they’re working for the U.S. Shocking, huh? When has the U.S. sponsored terrorism? I mean, besides forever.

Yeah. That’s how we do.

Jundullah is responsible for many kidnappings and executions of Iranian soldiers. Their leader, Ragi, has admitted to killing Iranians with his own hand. Many of the executions are video taped for the world to see, which is pretty nice of them. There are several hundred Jundullah fighters, many of whom are ex-Taliban.

You may recall hearing about some of their recent work, a bombing in the Iranian city of Zahenda. A car bomb was detonated near a bus carrying Iranian soldiers. 18 people were killed. Jundullah took credit.

Now, this is where it gets fun. We support Jundullah the same way we supported the Contras in the '80s.

Well, that only led to shitloads of dead Nicaraguans and destabilized a region of the world, so why not?

Of course, much like the Iran-Contra scandal during the Reagan Administration, the president doesn’t know anything about it.

Um. Yeah. So, we just tell someone else to give them money. "Hey, Saudi Arabia, while we're giving you all those planes and weapons, could you do us a favor?" We’re aiding terrorists. It’s just that they’re our terrorists. So, now we have to change the name of the War on Terror to the War on Certain Terror.

Thankfully, things are starting to heat up with our terrorist buddies. Pakistani police arrested six members of Jundullah last week and they are planning to extradite them.

They would probably be executed. But don’t worry, we’re doing everything we can to help these terrorists.

Now the U.S. is actively trying to block extradition of terrorists. This means we have to put ourselves in Guantanamo and waterboard each other. What a fucking mess.

This should work out great! The last time we funded and aided Islamic guerillas in this region it ended up awesome. Go CIA! Go America!

George Bush is such a colossal fuck up it is astounding. Every choice the administration makes in Iraq turns out to be the wrong choice. Their latest blunder is backing the wrong Shiite in Iraq. Today, after a couple of days of violence in Iraq, a new strongman has risen and his name is Muqtada al-Sadr. Our guy is the other guy -- the weak one.

Al-Sadr played Bush and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki like a couple of children. Seven months ago, al-Sadr agreed to a cease-fire in Iraq – which has led many right wing morons to believe the surge has been a success. They are, of course, fucking idiots desperate to prove that their imbecilic support of the invasion was the right call. Deaths have dropped in Iraq because al-Sadr has not been killing people and we have been paying Sunni insurgents not to kill people. Last week, the cease-fire with al-Sadr took a break – just long enough to show who is the big boy in Iraq. And his name ain’t Maliki.

We’re supposed to believe that Al-Sadr is the bad guy and Maliki is the good guy. The truth is they both are nasty motherfuckers. Both sides are guilty of sectarian cleansing. Both have strong connections to Iran. Maliki has been using the US military and the Iraqi Army to arrest and kill members of al-Sadr’s militia, The Mahdi Army. But this week, al-Sadr fought back, which is exactly what Maliki was hoping for. Maliki expected the US to fight this battle for him. His master plan was to get our guys to wipe out al-Sadr, leaving him as the last Shiite standing.

The fighting first started in Basra. Maliki claimed he was cracking down on “criminals,” but it was obviously a massive power grab. And a pretty pathetic one, at that. First rule of power grab: Make sure you aren’t a retard. Maliki clearly didn’t realize his pals the Iranians and his other pals, the Americans, don’t want a civil war between Iraqi Shiites. So, Maliki and the Islamic Supreme Council started the fighting in Basra and al-Sadr pushed back – and he pushed back hard.

The fighting moved to Baghdad, where US forces were also involved. There Maliki learned the second lesson of power grab: Make sure all the guys on your side are actually on your side. Many members of the Iraqi Army walked away from checkpoints, because they support al-Sadr. Members of the Army were actually walking into al-Sadr’s offices and giving up their weapons.

Meanwhile, Iran wanted the fighting to end because Iran supports both Maliki and al-Sadr and would rather they don’t kill each other. They want the Shiites to save it up to attack the Sunnis when the US pulls out. Bush certainly does not want Iraq to fall further into chaos at this point, because it would devastate McCain’s chances in November and screw up his plan to leave a land mine for the incoming Democratic president. At the same time, the Kurds refused to get involved in Maliki’s moronic fight.

Hello, blunder, my name is Maliki. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister was demanding the Mahdi Army disarm. He actually set a three-day deadline for the al-Sadr kids to turn in their weapons. There was some chuckling, a few shrugs and then the three days passed with no one turning in their guns. Day four: Maliki actually extended the deadline – and offered cash for weapons. Third rule of power grab: Don’t look like a massive pussy.

The US provided air support for Maliki’s weak ass forces and al-Sadr held strong. Turns out it is very hard to dislodge highly motivated indigenous fighters who know every nook and cranny in the area. Who knew? I mean, besides everybody. Rule number four of power grab: Read at least one book on the history of urban warfare.

After a couple days and a few hundred dead guys, Iran said enough is enough. Officials in Maliki’s own government told him to stop his little war and went to Iran for help.

Iran then brokered a peace deal. Maliki actually went to Iran to meet with al-Sadr – which brings up the fifth rule of power grab: Don’t beg your opponent to stop.

Bestest of allest, al-Sadr had a list of demands for Maliki before he would agree to an end to hostilities. The fucking rebel set the rule to end the conflict that the government started! Holy shit! Maliki is a plane crashing into a train wreck, falling on top of a car crash, hitting a boat. What an epic disaster. Rule number six of power grab: Don’t let your enemy kick your balls in.

Here is what Maliki agreed to:

1. Ending armed manifestations in Basra governorate and all the other governates.
2. Ending of attacks and illegal arbitrary detentions.
3. Demand that the government apply the law on general amnesty, and release all prisoners who have not had charges confirmed against them, in particular prisoners belonging to the Al-Sadrist current.
4. We announce that we will repudiate those who carry weapons and target the government and service agencies and institutions, or the offices of political parties.
5. Cooperation with government agencies to bring about security and to charge criminals, according to due process of law.
6. We reassert that the Al-Sadrist movement does not possess heavy weapons.
7. Efforts [meaningful efforts are to be made] for the return to their residential areas of those who were forced out as a result of security incidents.
8. We demand respect for human rights by the government in all of its security activities.
9. Working [meaningful efforts are to be made] towards the realization of development and service projects in all governates.

Oh, and here’s a napkin to wipe yourself off the floor with. My favorite number in that list is 7. She’s a beaut. Maliki is demanding that Sunnis and Shiites be placed back in their homes, from which they were removed by sectarian cleansing. You now, the sectarian cleansing that the Mahdi army was responsible for – but so were the militias working under Maliki. Al-Sadr is trying to make the case that other Shiites were responsible for the cleansing, just as he has been trying to claim Maliki has been killing Sunnis and blaming the Mahdi army. Now he’s demanding those people be put back in their houses. It’s called politics and this was a master move. Rule number seven of power grab: Don’t take on a guy who is a million times smarter than you.

To top it all off, al-Sadr has now completely positioned himself as the only powerful man in Iraq who is against the US occupation. Maliki is Bush’s boy, and called in the US military to fight against his fellow Iraqis. The Sunnis have been collaborating with and accepting money from the US for over a year. The vast majority of Iraqis want the US to leave. Now they have a strong man who loudly opposes the occupation and has shown he will not back down. And guess what is coming later this year? An election.

The October provincial elections are one of the main reasons Maliki went after al-Sadr now. He’s been attempting to displace al-Sadr supporters, while inserting members of his own Dawa Party and the Islamic Supreme Council, in areas of Basra that al-Sadr controls. Maliki completely failed. He has all but assured a massive victory for al-Sadr this October.

The other big loser in the mess is the US. What a massive fuck up. We just injected ourselves into an inter-Shiite conflict and chose the wrong side. Going after assorted rogue groups in the Mahdi Army is one thing, but going after the entire al-Sadr organization on behalf of Maliki was moronic. Did I mention the vast majority of voting Iraqis want the US out of the country?

Any gains the US made with al-Sadr and his followers are gone.

The end result of this mess is that al-Sadr is far stronger and Maliki much weaker. The Iraqi Army appears considerably weaker, which isn’t a great sign for the future. Iran also is strengthened because they brokered the peace deal. The US is, once again, the clumsy fool.

The Mahdi Army went back into the shadows, waiting for the day when the US pulls out and they take over the country – if they are not just voted in this October.

Before the Iraq War, George Bush made sure to purge the military of all the naysayers. And by naysayers, I mean people who knew what they were talking about. The invasion was essentially run by a group of retards and the results were exactly as expected. Now Bush is purging the military of naysayers as he prepares to attack Iran.

The latest victim of Bush’s assault on thought and reason is Admiral William Fallon. Fallon “resigned” this week from his position as head of U.S. Central Command, after speaking his mind for months.

Fallon has been doing everything possible to stop what appears to be an inevitable attack on Iran – mostly because he realizes such an attack would be profoundly moronic. Last fall he took some heat for this juicy statement.

Ah, you just killed Cheney's boner. The neo-cons, who are desperate for more human life to be taken, were furious with Fallon. Never mind that the vast majority of those assholes have never and will never step foot on a battlefield. (Hi Dick Cheney.) Fallon was a lone voice of reason in a sea of bloodthirsty morons.

Fallon’s latest – and most damaging statements – were made to Esquire Magazine. The Admiral apparently saw the writing on the wall and decided to go all out. If you are in George Bush’s military, you have to agree with every decision, no matter how stupid or suicidal it may be. Fallon did not hold back in Esquire and the magazine summed up what the removal of Fallon might mean.

Fallon has this crazy idea that diplomacy should come before bombs and that everything should be done to attempt to avoid war. The White House, obviously, feels differently.

It must have been confusing for the White House to see an actual leader leading. Fallon knew he was upsetting them, but he continued to do the right thing, understanding it was going to end his career.

Indeed.



Only a year ago, Gates praised Fallon for his strategic thinking, while he announced the Admiral’s promotion to chief of Central Command.

Turns out he is exactly not right because of the “strategic thinking” thing. Now the one man who stood in the way of an all out attack on Iran is gone. He has been forced out, quite simply because he is too sane for George Bush. Fallon and Bush butted heads over three points that should not even be up for discussion.

1) Fallon believes that the indefinite occupation of Iraq is a disaster for the US military, 2) that diplomacy has a central role in American foreign and national security policy, 3) that war is not a credible policy for the US to pursue in dealing with Iran.

The crazy part of this story is that Bush promoted Fallon. Although, Bush has had to promote quite a few military officials because he has purged all of the sane ones. There has never been a modern administration that has removed so many of our military leaders because of slight disagreements. The words, “I’ll take that under advisement” don’t exist in the Bush White House. Bush rules the military like a dictator. Every move he has made has been to degrade the autonomy, independence, and institutional authority of the Pentagon to align it with his insanely narrow view of the world. The disaster known as the Iraq War is a direct result.

Bush replaced Fallon with General Stanley McChrystal, who was in charge of special operations in Iraq. “Special operations” is also known as dealing with Iran’s activities in Iraq. Fallon will not even continue on the job until his replacement takes over. He’s out before. That’s called being fired.

Oh, and Dick Cheney is on a tour of the Middle East right now, meeting with leaders. Anyone think Dick just heads out and chats leaders up? You’d be wrong. Dick is telling those who need to know that Iran is about to experience a nice dose of shock and awe.

Last year, Dick explained to the world why a second aircraft carrier task force was needed in the Persian Gulf.

An influence that never would have grown if you idiots hadn’t invaded Iraq. The Bush Administration blames Iran for “growing instability in the region,” otherwise known as the greatest irony of all time. Fallon was, of course, against sending another aircraft carrier to the Gulf.

Now look who is gone. And apparently Fallon is not alone.

What a great description of the President and Vice President of the United States of America. Makes me feel all warm inside. Sadly, it is the only way to describe two men who lied to get us into one war and our trying to lie to get us into another.

After the “Iran is meddling in Iraq” story didn’t work and the “Iran is trying to kill us with nuclear weapons” story fell apart, Bush went fucking crazy and tried to blame a Jewish Community Center bombing in Argentina on Iran. 86 people died in the bombing. Don’t remember it? That’s because it happened in 1994 – but that didn’t stop Bush from trying to pin it on Iran in January 2008.

Wow. Reach much? The Wall Street Journal broke the “story,” but also said the Bush Administration and Israel pushed Interpol to blame Iran. Of course, it was all bullshit.

Have these fucking morons ever learned a lesson? The answer is “No.” Neither have the idiot Republicans and Democrats in Congress, because just as they gave Bush the green light to attack Iraq, they gave him the go ahead to attack Iran.

After the “Iran is going to murder our babies with nuclear weapons” story fell apart, the Bush Administration changed tactics. They focused on Iran’s army: The Republican Guard. The White House claimed the entire Guard were terrorists and pushed Congress to label them as such. Congress went right along with the plan and lawmakers like Hillary Clinton voted to declare the Republican Guard a terrorist organization. Now, Bush has the green light to attack the Republican Guard wherever they are – which coincidentally is ALL OVER IRAN.

Fallon understood this and he was able to see the broader implications of attacking Iran. If you thought Iraq was bad, wait until they unveil Disaster II, Electric Boogaloo.

Thank God the media is around to tackle this enormous story and put it in perspective. I mean, a man was forced to retire and the implications could be that hundreds of thousands of human beings lose their lives.

Go get ‘em, journalists. Please find out if Spitzer used a condom or came on her tummy.

Congrats on surviving through another week. Your sweet, sweet reward is another Asshole Fuckface Roundup. My weekly misfortune is the multitude of idiots asking me who the first Asshole Fuckface was. I can no longer hold out against your incessant questions and at long last will provide an answer: Francisco Franco.

In 1907, Franco joined the military at the age of 14. He eventually rose up through the ranks and became a general in 1934. Then, he signed on with other factions to overthrow the democratically elected government and in 1936 a three-year civil war began. Franco was one ruthless Asshole Fuckface. At one point he claimed he was prepared…

Ok, shirts and skins!

In one attack, Franco destroyed an entire town in three hours. Using German bombers, 1,654 people in the town of Guernica are killed and 889 wounded. It was so horrible that Picasso made painting about it.


Uh...okay.

During the civil war, up to two-million Spaniards were killed. In 1939, Franco won and took over as commander-in-chief of the armed forces, head of state, and leader of the government.

But Franco was not done.

Between 1939 and 1943 nearly 200,000 more are executed or killed. Spain lived under Fascism until Franco died in 1975. Oh, and Franco was an ally of the United States. And he was also a huge Real Madrid fan. So, fuck that club.

What’s an Asshole Fuckface Roundup without a sexual assault by a cop?

Albany’s got a bit of a drug problem, so the cops created a Street Drug Unit to deal with the situation. Recently, a member of the unit pulled over Lisa Shutter, a 28-year-old single mother. She was officially stopped for a “failure to signal,” but they were after drugs. Holy shit, were they after drugs.

Wow. I think a certain cop needs to go to training. No, wait, I think a certain cop needs to be raped in prison. Or, at least fingered. Do dudes finger other dudes in prison? They should; relentlessly.

Well, you had been -- by an Asshole Fuckface cop. And it wasn’t over. A commander from the Albany Police Department internal affairs unit attempted to talk Shutter out of filing a claim.

And some people like to go to the press, so suck it, internal affairs cop. He has now been declared an Asshole Fuckface. That’s how we handle things.

Next up, an unsurprising Asshole Fuckface showing from North Korea.

Last week, two North Korean fishing boats accidentally drifted into South Korean waters and they were detained. The South Koreans questioned the 22 fishermen, a group made up of 14 women and eight men -- three of whom were teenagers. There were many women on the boat because they were needed to clean oysters and clams. (Only reason to have ladies on a boat, I'm sad to report.)

Unlike some who have drifted into South Korean waters in the past, the fisherman had no intention of defecting. They wanted to go home. South Korea confiscated their boats and sent them back to North Korea by land.

Apparently North Korea has a “zero tolerance” policy for anyone attempting to defect. It also seems to have a “zero tolerance” policy for mistakes in a boat, while floating on a body of water where you can’t see the borderline. You know, because it's water.

Oh, that’s better. They died because they weren’t supposed to fish. North Korea – the biggest Asshole Fuckface cult in the world.

There’s always a surprise in the Asshole Fuckface Roundup and this week we have a doozey from Ukraine.

Alexander Stepaniuk invited four friends over for dinner and it didn’t go so well. Please do not ever invite Alexander Woytseshko, 34, Dmitri Chuba, 45, Lilia Kisilitsa, 23, or Svetlana Lupan, 26, to your home for a meal.

First they started with a little vodka, to loosen things up. Then they beat Alex to death with a hammer. Then they ate him.

Well, fuck, who doesn’t? Now I feel like a dick for thinking you were an Asshole Fuckface.

And in case you were wondering….they barbequed him.

This week they were sentenced to three years and life in prison, which is one of the most fucked up sentences ever.

And finally, we travel to a little island kingdom, where the government is a giant Asshole Fuckface.

Meet Pegah Emambakhsh and Mehdi Kazemi. The latter is a 19-year-old gay teen from Iran and the former is a 40-year-old lesbian from Iran. They would both like to live in England because in Iran they would probably be executed. However, last year Kazemi had to flee to the Netherlands when Britain refused to grant him asylum. Currently, Dutch judges are deciding whether or not to return Kazemi to Britain, where he will be deported. This week, Pegah, was also denied asylum.

And they both have something else in common! Her girlfriend in Iran was arrested and sentenced to death, while his boyfriend has already been executed for being gay.

But don’t worry, because the British Home Office/Asshole Fuckface Office has a great reason to deny them asylum.

Keep it on the DL, bitch! Please come to America, Iranian gay people. You can fuck each other silly here – as long as you live on the west coast or in the northeast. There are quite a few Asshole Fuckfaces in the middle.

Although, Iran beats everyone in this story.

Congrats to all of this week's Asshole Fuckfaces! You will all receive a pair of FearTheReaper knitting needles.

In a "nuanced" speech at the Emirates Centre for Strategic Studies and Research in Abu Dhabi today, President Bush described Iran as "the world's leading state sponsor of terror" and warned Tehran that the United States is "rallying friends around the world to confront this danger before it is too late."

But while the Iranian government, among its numerous other crimes, "seeks to intimidate its neighbors with ballistic missiles and bellicose rhetoric," Bush comforted the assembled dignitaries by reassuring them that "our nations have a weapon more powerful than bombs or bullets. It is the desire for freedom and justice written into our hearts by Almighty God."

Now, it's one thing to hear this kind of rhetoric from, say, a civil rights leader engaged in a difficult struggle against apartheid. But when hearing it from self-described "war president," a lily-white plutocrat who has claimed a divine inspiration for his presidency, the words take on another tone - less about justice and more about imperial arrogance and smug self-righteousness. Perhaps even apocalyptic fanaticism.

As he told James Robinson,

The American people might have done well to consult with Annie Lennox's mother before going into their voting booths in November of 2000, but I suppose it's too late now.

Nor did our apparently divinely-guided leader elect to forgo the amenities in order to issue his clarion call to liberty.

Apparently human rights violations by our friends are not an issue. Tehran might want to take note of that. Oh, wait - it seems they've just forgotten which side to be on. Oh, well.

Perhaps God will sort it all out. Or perhaps that's been the problem.

Five Iranian speedboats intimidated three American warships on Sunday morning in the Straight of Hormuz.

According to Pentagon officials, the boats radioed threats ahead of them:

American seamen took battle stations and were reportedly on the verge of firing upon the boats ("the Pentagon will neither confirm nor deny . . ." when the Iranians veered off. The ranking American naval commander in the region also told the BBC that the Iranians "dropped floating 'box-like objects'" in the water at some point before their departure.

On the one hand, I have to admit that I'm embarrassed as a citizen to see three American ships of the line scared shitless by a handful of speedboats dropping boxes ("mysterious boxes!") into the water, but it also must be conceded that, in the aftermath of the Cole Incident, the American vessels were actually facing a credible potential threat.

Yet that fact in and of itself serves only to underscore just how far out of our depth we really are in this "War on Terror." The warships involved were a guided missile cruiser, a guided missile destroyer, and a frigate. These are seriously powerful and expensive machines, crewed by highly trained and professional personnel, deployed halfway across the world at great cost to American taxpayer - and vulnerable, as this incident shows, to a much smaller number of fanatically dedicated men putatively equipped with inexpensive explosives, delivered in commercially-available vehicles. Future historians, no doubt, will mark the invention of the AK-47 as the death-knell of the capacity of conventional military forces to project political power, and the development of the IED as the final nail in the coffin of conventional warfare. That said, I must confess to some dismay that our leadership and military establishment have yet to actually recognize this fact - even some three decades after the dénouement in Vietnam, two after the spectacular failure of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and despite the encouragement of "dirty little wars" by both superpowers against their rivals throughout the Cold War - and yet I suppose the directors of the military-industrial complex cannot be blamed for blinding themselves to their own obsolescence. Selah.

Meanwhile, the Iranians are treating the entire incident as a tempest in a teapot.

While Washington's nose remains out of joint:

It may yet signify a raising of tensions, but honestly I doubt that even Bush is (still) arrogant enough to think he could win a confrontation with Iran at this juncture - the Neocon clique has been severely chastised by reality (with its well-known liberal bias) these past two years. Even so, had the incident resulted in actual gunfire being exchanged, we all might have woken up in a very different world on Monday.

Two days ago we learned that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003. This fact came to light because of a leaked National Intelligence Estimate report, which was created by 16 different American spy agencies.

The really exciting part of this news is that Bush kinda, sorta knew in August. The reason I say kinda, sorta, is because the administration is attempting to spin this in a way that can only be described as completely retarded. When questioned about when Bush was told of the information, National Security Advisor (lied about Iraq) Steven Hadley broke it down.

Uh, yeah. So, you have 16 American spy agencies who all come to the conclusion that Iran has halted its nuclear weapons program and you kids decide not to tell the guy who is apparently making a total and complete fucking asshole out of himself in front of the country and the world. I’m just trying to break this down in a way that I can understand it. You allowed the President and Vice President and Secretary of State to lie to the American public repeatedly for months – because you wanted to keep reading something that was already complete. Okay.

Now based on that information, Steven, I am going to have to call you a total fucking liar and asshole. Sorry. Yesterday Bush was asked directly about the report and when he knew what it contained.



Heyoooo! That’s hilarious. Now we have two huge fucking liars. Although, he could also be totally detached, insulated and incompetent. It is really, really hard to choose. Wait! He’s all four!

This is such an astounding level of either willful ignorance or lying that it should be an impeachable offense. Joe Biden pretty much summed it up.

Can't really argue with that. But Bush is not alone in his stupidity.

Last night's Democratic debate on NPR also covered the Iran situation. If you remember, Hillary Clinton decided to take the position of hawk on Iran when she voted to declare Iran’s Revolutionary Guard a foreign terrorist organization. Hell, she was even calling Bush a pussy on Iran back in 2006. In light of the new NIE, Clinton was obviously going to be called out on her idiotic vote during last night’s debate.

Clinton kept yammering on until moderator dude stepped in.

"Many of you" just doesn't include 16 government intelligence agencies. Hey, Hillary, there’s a fella named George Bush I’d like to introduce you to. You kids have a lot in common when it comes to being assholes.

Hezbollah was started in 1982 by a group of Muslim clerics, with a lot of help from Iran, after Israel invaded Lebanon. Iranian Revolutionary guards were sent to Lebanon to create a militia that would resist the Israeli occupation. Now 25 years later, we get to watch the exact same circumstances create the exact same radical political and military organization, but this time in Iraq.

Iran is certainly funding Shiites in Iraq. Why shouldn’t they? Their greatest enemy, the US, is constantly banging the war drums. The only logical and smart path for Iran to take is to set up another Hezbollah type organization in Iraq. They have certainly learned from their mistakes in Lebanon and will know how to implement a plan that will win over the locals quickly.

Hezbollah gained favor with many Lebanese by providing social services that the government was unable to provide. The US invasion and pathetically planned occupation of Iraq has created the perfect environment for a new Hezbollah to rise out of the chaos and win over the locals. In the '80s Hezbollah provided desperately needed social services, hospitals, schools, along with radio and TV stations. They basically provided the basics to build a society, something the US has not done in Baghdad.

According to CBS News, a Hezbollah type organization is taking root in Iraq. The Mahdi Army has always been a problem for the US. The smart, brutal and radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr is their leader. Much of our fighting in Baghdad has been against the Mahdi Army. They rule a slum and the street fighting can be quite dangerous. But now it seems they have stopped fighting, and that is not a good sign.

Last week, US ambassador Ryan Crocker warned that Sadr’s men were taking over businesses, like gas stations and other “basic services,” in Shiite neighborhoods. They are beginning to use control over necessities and social services as their main weapon.

Now the US finds itself in a delicate situation. To attack the Mahdi Army will be to attack those giving basic services to the people. Whoever wins the support of the street, wins the war.

But the US is doing exactly that, in an attempt to find the “bad guys.” So, one day maybe we pick up the guy who was delivering medicine to sick people, or the guy who supplies clean water, or the mechanic who fixes your car. Maybe we destroy a building some insurgents run into and it turns out to be a medical clinic. This is a situation built for our failure. We don’t understand the culture or the language. Iran and Sadr do.

Looking back on the invasion, this should have seemed so obvious when the looting was going on, as our soldiers stood around and watched. They were not given orders to stop the looting of the entire country. Hospitals, offices, schools; everything was torn apart and carted off. Iraq’s entire infrastructure was demolished in a month. Not enough soldiers on the ground meant massive security problems. Nearly every choice the Bush administration made in Iraq was the wrong one. Now, out of the chaos will rise an organization that can provide help and it’s not the USA. It is a radical Islamic cleric, with support from Iran.

It turns out one country had very shrewd leaders and another one was full of idiots. Too bad the idiots have all the planes and bombs.

Dick Cheney has already gone to war with Iran and now he’s just waiting for the rest of us to catch up with him. He is very concerned that Iran will get their dirty, evil hands on a nuclear weapon. Yesterday, Dick warned that the US and other nations are “prepared to impose serious consequences” all over Iran, hard and long.

Ooooooo. Ima scared. Hey, here’s a question: All that money we gave to Saddam Hussein in the '80s, does that make us terrorist supporters? What about Pakistan? What about Saudi Arabia? Blah, blah, blah, on and on. The number of countries who support “terrorism” that we give money to is staggering. But, please keep speaking, Dick.

Uh, really? Did you just say that another country uses deceit? Seriously? I feel like I am in that episode of "Star Trek," where four member of the crew are beamed to an alternate, evil universe. We are basically dealing with an evil Kirk here. I want the good one back. Fix the fucking transporter, Scotty.

Expect quite a bit of this kind of talk coming out of the White House. The other day Bush started rambling about “World War III,” with no understanding that he is going to be the one to start it.

I am really comfortable that George is in charge. Not at all scary when the president says if Iran “has the knowledge” to make a nuclear weapon that he will start WWIII. He most probably didn’t realize he was saying that, but drunks tend to accidentally speak the truth. Of course, the not drunk guy is scarier.

Uh, hey Dick. The Ayatollah Khomeini was educated in Iraq. Odds are Iran is going to have a few connections to the Shiites there, but you would have known that if you had picked up a book before you charged into the Iraq with all the planning and thoughtfulness of a drunk frat boy slamming his cock into a passed out sorority girl.

Bah ha ha. Iran does not want a weak Iraq. A weak Iraq could lead to conflict with Saudi Arabia. Iran just wants the US to leave, so the process of turning Iraq into the theocracy it was always meant to be can finally happen.

But the most important point of this entire debate is that Iran will never use a nuclear weapon on the US or Israel. People in power simply want to stay in power and that includes the Iranian religious nuts who run the country. If Iran used a nuclear weapon, the country would be wiped off the map the next day. It’s suicide and it will never happen. To argue such a point is moronic. But Iran is today’s big bad, so be very afraid!

Meanwhile, you should not be afraid of our buddies Saudi Arabia. While Cheney was getting ready for our future attack on Iran, George was certifying Saudi Arabia as an anti-terrorism ally! Yay!

The declaration is required under US law if we want to give aid to Saudi Arabia. And Lord knows they need some aid! Those poor bastards have been suffering for too long.

Super. Most of the 9/11 bombers came from Saudi Arabia. The country has been linked to supporting terrorists over and over and over. Just two months ago, undersecretary for Terrorism and Financial Intelligence Stuart Levey, had this to say about Saudi Arabia.

According to Levey, not a single individual that has been identified as a terrorist by America or the UN has been prosecuted by Saudi Arabia. Those crazy helpers! So, what have we learned?

First, get those evil motherfuckers Iran! And second, help Saudi Arabia, so they can kill us!

It is fascinating to watch Democrats make such stupid decisions when picking presidential candidates. We can go back to the eighties and take a look at Michael Dukakis or Walter Mondale. What the fuck? Pathetic candidates. Then came Bill Clinton, the Godsend. Realistically, he squeaked through. Without Ross Perot taking votes from Bush senior, he probably would have lost. And he certainly came with a shit load of baggage. After Clinton, the Democrats picked the most boring man alive, Al Gore. They followed that lame pick with the extraordinarily weak John Kerry. You could offer Kerry $10,000 and he couldn’t say something in a sound bite.

Now the Democrats are in a fantastic situation. The Iraq occupation is still seen as a Republican creation and a Republican problem. The majority of Americans want the war to end. So, who is leading the primary polls? Hillary Clinton, one of the few people running who voted for the war. And she has not backed down from her vote. Now, of course, she says she wants to end the occupation, (because the polls have changed) but she is still a war mongering corporate tool. The one issue Democrats could knock out of the park and they will put forth a candidate that who barely differs from the Republican opponents. Amazing, but consistent.

Sure, we are a long way from Election Day, but right now Clinton is pulling away in primary state polls. As careful as she plays the game, I would not expect a crazy Howard Dean scream meltdown. She has a massive funding machine in place and a shitload of Clinton heads who will vote for anyone who was ever anywhere near Bill. It’s sad, because I don’t see a big difference between some of her policies and Bush’s policies. Take Iran. Here’s what she wrote in Foreign Affairs this month.

Okay, so what Hillary is talking about here is pre-emptive war. If they do what we want them to do, then all is well. But if Iran does what it wants to do, then “All options must remain on the table.” That is how Hillary has decided to treat a sovereign nation. Seems quite familiar to another president who is currently in office. Never mind that Iran would never attack the US in a million years with a nuclear weapon. Whoever thinks that is a possibility is complete and total moron. And we should not be bombing to protect Israel. They seem to be big boys and can take care of their own problems.

Hillary already has already given Bush the green light to attack Iran’s Revolutionary Guard.

Ignorance at its best, the same as we’ve gotten from Bush for all these years.

From the Iranian perspective the answer is obvious: Make as many nuclear weapons as fast as you can. We invaded Iraq, who didn’t have them and eventually talked to North Korea, who did have them. It’s pretty simple; a nuclear weapon is the only thing that will make the US back off.

The idea that Hillary actually used the line, “let the Iranian people know that our quarrel is not with them but with their government” is fucking amazing. That’s a Bush line, straight out of the build up to the Iraq war. It also something the Iranian people won’t really go for when bombs are raining down on their country and killing them.

Only targeting the Revolutionary Guard is an idiotic idea. The Guard is not a separate entity from the Iranian population. They are not bred in warehouses on an island.

So, that should help with the “we only have a problem with your government” plan. We are killing your brothers and fathers because we don’t like your government. Cool? Bombing will only increase support for the Iranian government, rather than foster any roots of democracy.

But keep throwing your support behind Hillary, Democrats. Of all Democratic candidates, she is the only one I could see leading the US into another war.

The British have begun leaving their last base in Basra. 550 soldiers are withdrawing from the Basra Palace and heading to an airbase seven miles away. Mortars and rockets have been raining down on the palace daily, which is not a good sign. The withdrawal will take days to complete. US officials are worried that the withdrawal will lead to a violent power struggle between Shiite militias. But, don’t worry because…

Hey, island elves, I don’t even know what the fuck “autumn” means. We call it fall. You’re not better than us.

The good news is that the Iraqi military sent hundreds of soldiers to keep a lid on things. As we all know, the Iraqi military is a kick ass organization and never takes sides in a conflict between militias. Get ready for more death squads, Basra!

The US is upset the British are leaving because after the January 2005 election, the city of Basra “fell under the influence” of Shiite militias. US officials are concerned Iran will gain more control over southern Iraq, which is retarded because almost all of southern Iraq has ties to Iran. Get over it, when we got rid of Saddam we gave Iran a big present called Southern Iraq. Just let the inevitable happen, already. The place is already fucked.

A Brussels based think-tank recently released a report that claimed militias were already destabilizing Basra and locals thought British forces were being driven out.

So, that is good, right? Next month, Prime Minister Gordon Brown will unveil his new strategy for Iraq. It is expected the British will withdraw, which would cause problems for the US. Supply lines from Kuwait to Baghdad could be severed and the oil fields could be further exposed to insurgent attacks.

Meanwhile, British General Sir Mike Jackson decided to start talking some serious shit this weekend. I think the island elves call it “taking a piss”.

You're not better than us because you're right.

The British seem to believe there was an end planned for the war before it started. That is so cute! The Elvin General thought security would be handed over to the Iraqis once their security forces were trained. Who knows where they come up with these crazy ideas?

Today is the day that Washington finally flushes a turd that's been stinking America up for years. Yes, Karl Rove is leaving the White House and today he celebrated by gazing into his crystal ball and writing an opinion in the National Review about how history will view Bush. It's probably the single most detached-from-reality piece of work I've ever read. It's existence scientifically proves the existence of other dimensions, this one written from a far away realm named the "Bush White House". Karl has only been funnier while rapping. Of Bush and his policies, Rove writes:

More "Iraq attacked us". Classic!

Karl, what about the domestic spying programs? Aren't you proud of those? He busted my gut with this one:

As with everything else in Turd Blossom's love letter, nothing could be further from the truth. Democracy for Iraq, is far from assured:

Bush's brain would rather focus on the positive:

Karl didn't mention that much of the money spent by the US is for abstinence programs that don't work. Or worse, put more lives in jeopardy.

Nobody can be wrong all the time and Karl is 100% correct when he states:

Ain't that the truth...but don't forget New Orleans!

Arguably, he wasn't elected even once. Even republicans have had enough of Bush. A Former Reagan official has a slightly different take on Bush. Paul Craig Roberts writes:

HOOFAH!...to be fair, I'm not sure if Roberts is still a republican after years of Bush. Roberts lays it on:

Oh yeah, Iran. One of the more interesting ideas floating around Rove's resignation is that he was actually an internal administration voice that was against air strikes on Iran. After losing that struggle with Darth Cheney, it was time for Karl to "spend more time with the family". (Incidentally, in this supposed scenario Tony Snow decided he didn't want to deal with the questions of bombing Iran, so he retired to make more money to fight his cancer.) Interesting indictment of the American health care system, no? The President's very own mouth piece can't afford to work for him, live comfortably and fight his cancer.

Unfortunately, we're cursed to live through interesting times. Worse still, dissent has been practically equated with treason. Say what you will of Karl Rove -- nobody can ever make the case he's not a bright guy. I think he's pulling a "Costanza" leaving on a "high note" (If only). Adios, Turd Blossom. You will not be missed.

Bill Moyers puts a nice bow on the end of the Rove era:


FTR was sick with the flu today, so it fell to Gerry to send Karl on his way.

There is some pretty horrible shit going on in Iran. Take a seat because it is startling. Former president Mohammad Khatami is still very popular with liberal voters. He was Iran’s first and so far, only reformist President. But now Khatami is a disgrace because he has been going around shaking women’s hands.

You read that right. He is a creepy bastard. In a recent visit to Italy, Khatami was video taped shaking hands with a woman who was not wearing a head-covering.



That is hard to watch. He just reaches out and touches his hand to her hand. Neither is wearing a glove. Moments like this are difficult, especially when you have such respect for a leader. It is like having the rug ripped out from under you. Khatami, of course, says the video is not real.

Yet, Khatami tried to calm things down by announcing that he will not run in the 2009 presidential election.

It didn’t work. The fundamentalists want blood. Clerics from Qom have started a petition asking for Khatami to be defrocked and flyers condemning him are being circulated. I have to admit, they might not be wrong. According to the clerics, when Khatami was in Italy,

Holy shit. If I am reading that correctly, there was a nude reporter sitting next to him and he had his legs spread wide open with his junk pushing up against his pants. That is fucked up. Khamati is out of control and now other videos are popping up. Check out this hand to shoulder action.



What a fucking animal. Why not just finger her in front of everybody? Now I have no choice but to support current president Ahmadinejad. He is a good, conservative man with morals.

FUCK! My whole world is falling apart. At least the old broad had gloves on, but it is still horrible to see. It is forbidden for a man to have physical contact with a woman, unless they are related!

No shit. I feel like I will never find a politician who represents my values. I guess I will have to look to some third party idiot in 2009.

Let’s say that you’re the President of a country that has, to put it mildly, a rather mixed public image around the world. When you campaigned for the job, you stressed economic prosperity and traditional religious values. After winning an election that many claim was rigged, you find that the job really isn’t as easy as you thought.

First off, you have a nasty habit of saying really stupid things that offend a whole lot of people around the world. People even call you a warmonger based on your foreign policy. Plus, your economy’s not doing so hot, and the disparity between the rich and the poor keeps increasing. Even though your country has some oil stored up and your government spends a shit-ton of money subsidizing gasoline production, you have to import a lot of gasoline to keep up with demand because damn do your citizens love their cars (and public transportation just ain’t what it could be.) You’re worried that this disparity might lead to budget woes and even another gas crisis.

So, what do you do?

Well, if you’re President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, you come up with the brilliant idea of introducing gasoline rationing that limits Iranian citizens to buying 3.5 liters of gasoline a day for their privately-owned vehicles. You decide to go ahead with this program before hundreds of thousands of Iranians have received the ration cards they now need to purchase gasoline. Oh, and you give everyone, including the police, gas station owners, and the car-owning public, only two hours notice before implementing the new restrictions.

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Shortly after the rationing was announced, Iranians took to the streets in Tehran to protest. These protests, the first major ones since Ahmadinejad took office, turned violent as gas stations were vandalized and set on fire. Police attempting to quell the protests wound up being pelted with rocks by crowds chanting, “Guns, fireworks, tanks, Ahmadinejad should be killed.”

Yeah, I don’t get the fireworks part either. Maybe it sounds cooler in Farsi.

Iran’s government decided that the best response to these protests was to tell everyone to shut the fuck up, ordering the press not to publish negative stories about the gasoline rationing plan and turning off Tehran’s mobile phone text messaging network to try and prevent angry motorists from organizing more protests.

Some of you might be saying, “Wait, Iran? They have to ration gasoline in fucking Iran? Don’t they have so much oil they might as well make smoothies out of it?”

While Iran does have massive oil reserves, due to under-investment Iran lacks the ability to refine enough of that oil into gasoline to meet demand. So while Iran exports more than half of the oil it produces, they have to actually import about 40% of the gasoline they consume.

Making matters worse is that Iran has been heavily subsidizing the price of gasoline, which up until now was selling inside Iran for around 1/5th the price that it sells for in other countries in the region. This has led to both overconsumption and a lucrative black market as people can make a tidy profit smuggling cheap gasoline out of Iran.

Ahmadinejad and the Iranian Parliament claim this new rationing program will help prepare Iran to deal with possible future sanctions on gasoline imports that the UN or the US might impose to try and stop Iran from developing nuclear energy (or nuclear weapons, depending on who you listen to). However, Ahmadinejad has already been losing popularity amongst the same working-class Iranians who (theoretically) voted him into office, as his economic policies have failed to curb inflation and unemployment, or to bring about the equitable distribution of oil wealth he promised during his campaign. Many of Ahmadinejad’s supporters are already blaming his hard-line foreign policy stances with increasing U.S. sanctions and making the economy worse, and gasoline rationing is a true “fuck you” to those same supporters. Maybe John McCain won’t get to bomb Iran after all.

At least I’m happy that I don’t have to live with a President that breaks campaign promises and fucks things up by making poorly thought out decisions. I can’t imagine what that’s like.

As a nation we are practically forcing Bush and Cheney to attack Iran because of our relentless dislike of the administration. If we liked them they might actually listen to us, but we don’t, so they won’t. Bush and Cheney both know that if they build up false reasons to attack Iran, then follow through; Bush will get a bump in the polls. That is how America works.

Currently all signs point to an attack on Iran. First of all, there is a man named Dick Cheney who seems to be completely insane. His idea of diplomacy is to find out where you live, drive over to your house and anally rape you. Harpers has given us a delightful list of conclusions Cheney has already reached regarding Iran.

The administration is currently preparing for a war with Iran. Right now the US has two carrier strike groups in the Persian Gulf. In a day or two they will be joined by a third carrier strike group, then next week, a fourth carrier strike group will arrive. Which means, in the Red Sea we will have…

Ah, the invasion of Iraq. How did that turn out?

As far as land preparations, no one knows. But we do know that before Rumsfeld (neo-con) left office, he developed bases in countries surrounding Iran. We can now attack Iran from every direction from "lilypads."

Next up, the hostages. Yes, the hostages. The US has been holding 5 Iranian diplomats hostage since January. They were invited into Iraq by the Iraqi government, and then the US stormed their compound and seized them. The Irbil five are said to be members of the elite Quds Force, an arm of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard. Recently Condoleezza Rice attempted to have the men released, but Cheney put a stop to her reasonable nonsense.

In response, neo-cons claim Iran began taking “hostages.” The information is not easy to find, unless you go to neo-con sites like The Heritage Foundation.

Neo-cons claim Iran has taken four hostages of dual citizenship, and possibly a fifth. The fifth hostage is a little murky because some believe the ex-FBI agent converted to Islam and moved to an island off Iran. Expect the “hostage crisis” to be ramped up on Fox News and in the pages of the Wall Street Journal.

Here is a video of Norman Podhoretz making the case for attacking Iran. Seem eerily familiar? The build up to Iraq, maybe?



Iran will also be labeled as the big problem in the Middle East. This will, of course, distract from the fact that the US is the biggest problem in the Middle East, with all of our invading and whatnot. Iran will be accused of stirring up animosity throughout the region and spreading their ideology. The fact that this is exactly what the US is doing will be largely ignored. The accusation that Iran is arming militias in Iraq and Afghanistan will be heard ad nauseam. How dare they get involved while their enemy attempts to secure the countries on their Eastern and Western borders! Overall, the case will be made that Iran is becoming too powerful in the Middle East, the place where the country resides – and we do not.

And don’t forget Iran’s nuclear program. Yawn. Of course Iran is pursuing nuclear energy. How else could they possibly stop the US from invading? Iraq was not pursuing nuclear weapons but the case was made that they were, meanwhile North Korea was pursuing nuclear weapons and was left alone. Not hard to figure out which path to follow if you are an enemy of the US. The international estimate of when Iran will get nuclear weapons is longer that the Cheney estimate. Who has a history of being correct when it comes to weapons of mass destruction? I’ll give you a hint: The correct party is not insane.

No one seems to ever talk about the fact that Iran will never use nuclear weapons. They would be immediately wiped off the map. It would be suicide and people in power are not big on suicide. The rulers of Iran, no matter how religious they are, are living a life of luxury and will not give it up anytime soon. Sanctions worked against Iraq and they will work against Iran as well. Oh, and Iran does not have a missile capable of reaching Europe or the US, which sort of diminishes the threat. But by the end of the year America should be scared shitless about Iran’s future nuclear attack on the most powerful country on the planet.

Enjoy the war!

The Bush administration has been saying for quite a while now that Iran has been arming the insurgents in Iraq. The Pentagon went so far as to invite reporters for a little show and tell session during which the military displayed all the Iranian weapons they had confiscated. Last week it was reported that NATO officials caught Iranians shipping explosives to the Taliban in Afghanistan.

For a long time Iran and the Taliban were bitter enemies. Now they are working together in a policy shift that the US should know all too well: My enemy’s enemy is my friend. It is an alliance that does not bode well for the US.

Bush and company are demanding Iran mind its business. This is what his lapdog, Joe Lieberman, said this weekend:

The rules? Did you submit the rules of the invasion to your enemy before you went in? I am amused at the arrogance of the Bush administration and its lapdgs that Iran should stay out of Iraq and Afghanistan. Really? Let me give you a scenario and tell me if the US should stay out of it.

Years from now, China has become the world’s super power. The US economy collapsed after being over-stretched militarily and due to massive dept. China has its eyes on Mexico’s oil fields, which have been dormant for years due to a lack of funding for its oil infrastructure. China invades Mexico due to some trumped up accusations about Mexico being involved in terrorism. China is also forced to invade Canada due to their massive coal deposits, oh, and also they had something to do with terrorism. So, now, our enemy China has occupying forces in the countries on our north and south border. Do we allow our enemy to do what ever the fuck they want? Do we not do anything while their army completely surrounds us, all the while talking about how we are “not following their rules” that they set up and that they could bomb us? No, we fuck with them as much as we can. We try to hurt them militarily while avoiding a direct conflict, just as Iran is and should be doing. It is an obvious defensive move.

Iran is apparently our enemy and they have every right to be involved in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. It would be stupid of them not to be involved. They should be shipping every explosive and weapon they can get their hands on to insurgents in Iraq, as well as the Taliban in Afghanistan. A threatening army now stands on their east and west borders and Iran should defend itself – just as America has done by invading the two countries. You can’t illegally invade another country, threaten their neighbor, then get all pissy when they get involved in your occupation. Well, you can, but you'd be the Bush administration.

What comes around goes around.