• commentary
  • TUESDAY DECEMBER 2 2008 6:00 AM

A New Terrorist Blue Print

Chalk up a big win for the terrorists. Not only did they execute a heinous plan with shocking effectiveness, but it also went on for days. Literally, for three days. And in doing so, they created a blue print for terrorists worldwide to follow in the future. They worked in pairs, they used guns and grenades and they spread out in several different locations. Sounds like the perfect plan of attack for a country like the US. And very hard to stop.

The 10 terrorists arrived in the city by water after taking over an Indian boat and killing the five sailors aboard. After landing in small rubber boats on an isolated beach, the casually dressed young men fanned out across the city. The walk took no longer than 15 minutes. They attacked 10 different locations in two hours. Most of the attacks ended quickly, but the battle at three locations went on for days, as they fought back against hundreds of Indian commandos.

They were very well trained. They knew the locations they were going to attack –– the best way to enter without being spotted, the layout of the basements and hallways and where guards would be. They also carried bags of almonds with them for nourishment.

At 9:30 p.m., the first terrorist attacked an Orthodox Chabad Lubavitch Center in a trendy neighborhood. The Jewish center was well known in the city. The terrorists would remain in the center for three days.

Just after 9:30 p.m., two terrorists attack a famous tourist hangout, Leopold Café and Bar. First they lobbed a grenade and then they opened fire. The attack lasted for about 2 minutes. At least 7 are dead and an unknown number are injured. During the chaos, people ran, so the total is not known. From there, the two terrorists jogged down the street to the Taj Mahal Hotel

They arrive at the hotel at 9:45 p.m. and open fire in the lobby. Again, people scatter, this time back into the hotel where they hide. Many would later be found and executed.

Two minutes later, two terrorists attack Mumbai’s main train station, Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus. They started by shooting into a glass-fronted restaurant and continued through the station. As they shot and threw grenades, they were very calm, even stopping for discussions about what to do next. While one would reload, the other would keep watch.

Luggage was spread everywhere. The place was full of blood. There were lots of people lying there dead.



By the time the attack at the train station was over, 53 people were killed. The terrorists escaped by stealing a truck.

At 10 p.m., two terrorists hit the Oberoi Hotel. It’s another luxury hotel popular with tourists. They, again, hit a restaurant first. After, they run into a second restaurant and shoot at the diners and waiters.

There were bodies everywhere. I felt like I was in a movie.



Then the two killers force those still alive into a stairway. They ask for identification in order to locate the Americans and Britons, who are then taken upstairs, where they will become hostages. Most people in the hotel hole up in their rooms.

Five minutes later, two terrorists attack a police station. Two bombs go off in other areas of the city, both in taxis. The terrorists then quickly move to a hospital, where they open fire. At that point, they wait behind a tree for a police vehicle to show up. As it pulls up, they shoot at the truck, killing most of the police and commandeering the truck. One of the officers killed is the Mumbai anti-terrorist chief. As the terrorists drive around the city, they laugh at the ineffectiveness of the police’s bulletproof vests and shoot out of the windows at journalists and police, until they are finally stopped.

Over the next couple of hours, police kill the three and capture one of the terrorists who had taken vehicles. But the night is filled with chaos as the police try to get an understanding of how large the attack is and where the terrorists are. The four in the hotels and the two at the Jewish Center are still holding hostages and fighting off police.

At 9 am the next day, police begin trying to take back the hotels. As they do, the terrorists begin killing hostages. They also set fires in the hotel and set off grenades. These are not your ordinary terrorists.

"It's obvious they were trained somewhere ...Not everyone can handle the AK series of weapons or throw grenades like that,"an unidentified member of India's Marine Commando unit, his face wrapped in a black mask, tells reporters after his units stormed the hotels. The attackers were "very determined and remorseless."



At 7 a.m. Friday morning, police launch an effort to take back the Jewish Center. They surround the building with sharpshooters, then land on the roof from helicopters and begin working their way down. Throughout the day, gunfire and explosions are heard. The building is finally taken back at 6 p.m. that night, after a police rocket takes out the upper floor. Nine are dead, including the Rabbi and his wife.

The operation at the Oberoi hotel is wrapping up. Hostages run from the building and are taken to hospitals. Police exit the building at 3 p.m. Friday and say the terrorists are dead. They killed 32 people. Hundreds of people were saved.

Throughout Friday night, fighting continues in the Taj Hotel. Journalists report from the street, as gunfire and explosions are heard in the hotel. The hotel catches fire again. At 8:30 a.m. the fight is over, after 60 hours of hell.

As authorities begin to look at what happened, doctors report many of the hostages were brutally tortured.

It was obvious that they were tied up and tortured before they were killed. It was so bad that I do not want to go over the details even in my head again.



Over 195 people were killed, including at least 20 police officers and more than 141 civilians –– including 22 foreigners.

A Western diplomat familiar with the investigation said officials were startled by the military precision of the attacks. At least some of the gunmen appeared to be receiving some kind of instructions from a command center where others were coordinating the overall operation, the diplomat said.



Some of the attackers are believed to have escaped. Shivraj Patil, the Indian home minister, resigns, as does India's national security adviser, MK Narayanan.

The scary thing is how simple this kind of attack is, especially if attempted in America. It would be more than easy to get the guns you would need to pull off an attack. It certainly would be easy to get into the country. This is clearly a blue print for future attacks. Bombs are more difficult to manufacture and pull off –– and once it happens it’s over. This was like a terrorist’s wet dream. It went on for days. I don’t care what city you live in, attacks in several different locations by several different men are going to cause chaos for the responders. That’s not the case with a bomb.

They trained their terrorists for urban warfare. They knew where to attack first to cause the most damage. They knew where and how the police would show up. They understood exactly where to go, both on the streets and in the buildings. They were heavily armed and brought food. They knew whom they wanted to kill and whom they didn’t. They entered large buildings full of people that would make them difficult to locate. Worst of all, it was very effective and went on for days.

From where I’m sitting, this is a very, very bad thing.

Oh, and I wonder where they learned their urban warfare tactics. Anyone know of any wars going on?


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

  • commentary
  • FRIDAY DECEMBER 14 2007 8:00 PM

Magic Man Chooses Wrong Moment To Not Be Magic.



NOTE: First of all, I want to say that I absolutely hope the gentleman discussed below makes a 100 percent recovery. Secondly, I've calculated the odds of him or someone he knows reading this piece at the ultra-scientific "highly fucking unlikely." Thirdles, let's say his neighbor does read it and mentions it to him as he's being gurnied into his house, honestly, is he gonna care?

Neighbor: "Hey some guy on the internet just --

Man: "You know my leg came of my body, right?" Slam!

He doesn't slam the door; he actually just says, "Slam!" Remember, 'cause he's on a gurney? Let's move on...

A self-proclaimed Indian holy man who claimed his right leg had magical powers is seriously ill in hospital after two men chopped it off.


Okay, I'm gonna go back and look at the beginning of that statement.

A self-proclaimed Indian holy man...


That really is the WORST kind of holy man to be, isn't it? Self-proclaimed. Ideally, you'd be the kind that other people proclaim as holy. Start small, a grass roots-type thing, a few people whispering, "Hey, he touched me and medicine came out!" A few more rally to your side, suddenly, you've got a full blown following.

It's not a real great sign when only one person believes in your holy man status, and, oh yeah, that person is you. Those two things happening means there's a pretty good chance you're a lunatic.

Yanadi Kondaiah, 80, said that those who touched the leg would be cured of illness or have wishes granted.


I guess that's the risk you run when you talk publicly about a body part's special abilities. It's why in 31 years I've never revealed the curative powers granted by swallowing my penis. It's just too dangerous!

Also, am I the only one picturing the doctors rubbing the leg all over another man's body? "Work damn it! Leg, do your stuff!"

His claims just go against basic rules of ownership. I mean, when you get a giant bag of money with a dollar sign on it, or a ruby-covered watch, do you draw back the curtains on your front window and put it up on display? No, you put it in a safe, out-of-sight place. THIS GOES DOUBLE WHEN THE VALUABLE IS A BODY PART. Triple, when it's your body part, and it's still connected to you.

The two men plied him with drink as thanks for previously helping them with his magical touch and after he passed out chopped off the leg below the knee with a scythe and left him to die. Passing villagers found him and took him to hospital.


What the fuck's with these idiots? "As thanks for previously helping them with his magical touch." What, having them take a "magic aspirin" he'd had balanced on his knee? They don't ask for a real test before they get to limb-stealing? "Wish my tennis elbow away this instant!" How hard would that have been? Then they could've just moved on to a real target (a man with a golden sternum!) with the man intact.

Something tells me they've got a secret lair filled with stolen lucky rabbit's feet, horseshoes, boxes of Lucky Charms and five grand in Monopoly money. And, if we have any luck at all, a bound and gagged David Copperfield.



TheCoolerKing really does hope the holy man pulls through... and then announces his discovery of a far easier to replace, magic rock or stick.

  • news
  • MONDAY NOVEMBER 19 2007 12:00 PM

In India, Monkey Spank YOU!



You know me; I love a good monkey story -- or two. I hate to come across as a one-trick chimp, uh, pony, but it ain't all bananas and poop throwing. There's a seedier side, and one only need travel to New Delhi, India to find it (as if they didn't already have enough crazy animal stories these days.)

It is there that the monkeys are en masse -- and oh boy, are they pissed.

First it was the death of Delhi's deputy mayor, who fell after a fight with monkeys on the balcony of his home last month.


Yes, you read that correctly.

Then, 25 residents were bitten, scratched and mauled by a lone monkey which went on the rampage in the capital last weekend.

The monkey reportedly tried to snatch several infants before being beaten back by residents armed with sticks and metal bars.


The primate problem has gone on for some time, as New Delhi is home to hordes of rhesus macaques, with totals estimating over 20,000. The monkey menace has been a major campaign issue the past few years, with authorities having gone several avenues, even "hiring" larger (and more territorial, to boot) gray langurs to try and shock the monkeys (hey, hey) with their presence and force them out. They've made little progress.

Chasing them away with ultra high frequency loudspeakers, deporting them to neighboring states or transporting them to India's only monkey jail in Patiala, 200 miles north of Delhi, have failed.


That's right. A monkey jail. Hmm, I wonder if "monkey jail" ends up at all like Oz? Not the "yellow brick road, wicked witch" flying monkeys Oz, mind you, the "stab you with a shiv and make you my bitch, bitch!" monkeys Oz.

Experts say there is a growing pattern of lone attacks that may highlight the random way authorities are trying to reduce the monkey population in the city.

"Incidents of lone monkey attacks were almost unknown until recently," said Sonya Ghose, founder of Citizens for the Welfare and Protection of Animals and a member of an enforcement panel overseeing the monkey relocation campaign.

"I fear that monkeys are being trapped in a haphazard manner. Monkey catchers are breaking up troupes of monkey families, leaving some monkeys alone without their families."

"Then they have nothing to lose and turn aggressive."

.
I know what you're saying. "Just fire the grill and make some monkey burgers! Problem solved, right?" Wrong. Killing them is a no-no. "Why," you ask? Because they don't want to get their monkey god pissed off.

Efforts are hampered by the majority Hindu religious sentiment that associates monkeys with the god Hanuman, who helped Lord Rama defeat Ravana, the evil king of modern day Sri Lanka.

Millions of Indians visit Hanuman temples every Tuesday and anyone trying to trap or scare off monkeys is frequently beaten up or chased away.


The most recent macaque attacks have increased public pressure on the Delhi government to do something, and do it quick, before we're forced to welcome our new simian overlords. But, to be honest, would that be so bad? I mean... it's less scary a thought that Ron Paul in '08, anyway.

thefreak, in light of this story, would have to have the chimp roommate in his fantasy sitcom have an evil twin. Hey, it worked for Knight Rider, right?

  • news
  • SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 29 2007 9:00 AM

Asshole Fuckface Roundup



Hard to believe an entire week has passed and another group of asshole fuckfaces has been assembled for your viewing pleasure. These sickening individuals have been chosen for their disturbing actions. This week I only vomited three times while writing the asshole fuckface roundup. So, put on your safety goggles, because this is going to be ugly.

First up, we find some particularly disturbing asshole fuckface behavior in India.

Michael Jackson would love India. They enjoy music and more importantly, some asshole fuckfaces have made skin cream that can turn you white.

Shahrukh Khan (no relation to Kahn from Star Trek) is a big Bollywood celebrity. He is now coming under criticism for appearing in an ad where he gives skin-lightening cream to a guy who is apparently to dark skinned for the ladies.



Isn’t that great? After a few weeks using the cream, you can become whiter and women will finally like you. That is why the cream is called Fair and Handsome. They thought about calling it Shaming and Creepy, but the name did not go over well with focus groups.

Currently, the skin-lightening industry in India is raking in 100 million pounds a year. In recent years, protests against skin lightening creams have been increasing. Actress Rani Moorthy told the BBC how awesome it is to grow up with dark skin in India.


When I was a child my grandmother took me to one side and said make sure you're good at something, no man will ever marry you for your looks. I knew this was because I was dark skinned. It was treated as a disease and every Friday I had to have oil baths in an attempt to lighten my skin.


Man, that brings back a lot of memories. Thankfully, the cream is now available in the UK too!

What would an asshole fuckface roundup be without a member of the Bush administration making an appearance?

Condoleezza Rice showed us how truly ignorant she is of American history this week by comparing deceased Iraqi terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi to Generals Ulysses Grant and Robert E. Lee. She is, by the way, our Secretary of State.

Rice was apparently attempt to compare Zarqawi’s “strategic genius” with the civil war generals.


Rice told Fox News that Zarqawi was "diabolically brilliant" and his loss was devastating to Al Qaeda in Iraq, much as the loss of Grant and Lee would have been to the Union and Confederate armies.

"When you hear people say ... 'If you kill one of them, they'll just replace him with another leader,' remember that that's like saying, 'If you take out Robert E. Lee or Ulysses S. Grant, well, they'll just replace them with another leader,'" Rice said.


Very true. Especially if you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. Retired Marine General and former CENTCOM chief Joseph Hoar explained what Rice was trying to say.


"I think the analogy doesn't make a lot of sense," Hoar said.


You mean because the generals fought on a battlefield against opposing troops and Zarqawi hid amongst civilians and set off car bombs? Note to Bush administration: Quit trying to draw parallels, you already look retarded for just starting the war.

Speaking of war, how about being an asshole fuckface and profiting of a devastating terrorist attack?

Abraham Sofaer is a tremendous asshole fuckface, which means he is obligated to support Rudy Giuliani for president. (Rudy’s in the hall of fame) Abe is throwing a fundraising party for Rudy at his house in California that has a spectacular theme: "$9.11 for Rudy."

Isn’t that great? People are expected to donate $9.11 for the candidate, while not vomiting in their vodka glass.

Sofaer claims he did not come up with the idea, that is was actually some “young people.” I am going to assume it was four year olds; otherwise I would have to kill them. But Sofaer is not some idiot who just stumbled across politics.


Sofaer was a State Department adviser under President Reagan and is a fellow at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution. Federal election data indicates Sofaer has given nearly $50,000 to Republican causes and candidates since 1995.


Seems like the asshole fuckface should have known better.

Giuliani's campaign said they had no knowledge of the fundraiser and that it was an unfortunate choice. Although, it kinda says a lot about the campaign they’re running. Also, Rudy is a 9/11 hero.

And why get off the 9/11 theme when my next asshole fuckface was right in the middle of it?

Tania Head is a member and former president of the nonprofit organization, World Trade Center Survivors’ Network. Tania’s story is one of incredible survival and hope.

She was on the 78th floor of the World Trade Center and was badly burned. Tania was one of only 19 people above the floor that the plane struck to survive. It was a miracle. While she struggled to get out of the building, a man handed her his inscribed wedding ring and asked her to give it to his wife. He died. After Tania got out of the building, she discovered her fiancé had died in the other tower. Double super tragic.

Tania has been traveling the country telling her story to college students and also giving tours at the World Trade Center Visitor Centers.


“What I witnessed there I will never forget,” she told a gathering at Baruch College at a memorial event in 2006. “It was a lot of death and destruction, but I also saw hope.”


I bet you saw hope, you asshole fuckface. Hope to finally get some attention and make money. The New York Times wanted to interview Tania about her experience but she kept canceling the interviews. She also would not provide any details to corroborate her incredible tale. So, the Times went looking and found…nothing.

The family of the man she claims was her fiancé has never heard of Tania. The company she worked, Merrill Lynch, has no record of employment. She has never told anyone the name of the man who gave her the wedding ring. And there is no record of her at the hospital where she claims to have been treated.

When the Times asked her why they could not find any records to back her story, she replied:


I have done nothing illegal.


Thanks for answering a different question. Luckily, you don’t have to do something illegal to be an asshole fuckface!

The board of the Survivors’ Network voted to give Tania the boot this week as president and as a director of the group. Good move. It’s weird to have a crazy liar as your leader for a survivor group.

Congrats to this week's asshole fuckface winners! You each get a FearTheReaper cat bed!

  • commentary
  • THURSDAY JULY 5 2007 2:00 PM

Sometimes You Need to March Softly and Carry a Big Stick



I love this woman.

Rajkot went into convulsions on Wednesday when alleged mental and physical abuse by her husband's family drove a 22-year-old woman to strip to her underwear and walk through the city in protest.

Pooja Chauhan said she had taken to this unique protest after being constantly harassed for not bringing dowry and bearing a girl-child.

Apparently she'd gone to the police station a couple days earlier and poured kerosene on herself (immolation being a sadly not-uncommon way for men or their families to kill wives who don't pony up with enough dowry, as well as a not-uncommon form of suicide by women--though obviously a number of those "suicides" might actually be murders). When the cops didn't do anything, she decided to make her anger just a wee bit more public.

But it's the baseball bat that really gets it. That and the "fuck you" video attached to this news story. Though the still captured here shows you how young and desperate she really is, poor thing.

It's tempting to bitch about the additional news that apparently the authorities are going to have her examined to find out if she's "mentally unsound"--after all, her actions seem entirely rational to me--but one has to admit that, in context, it's not unlikely that she's pretty depressed. On the other hand, I am more inclined to believe initial reports (see video link above) that she was initially arrested for public indecency than I am later statements (see first link) that such rumors are untrue. In any case, kudos to her for refusing to suffer in silence.

In any case, I hope that her shithead husband and inlaws (who *have* been arrested, thank god) are prosecuted for harassing her and that, if she is depressed, the story doesn't turn into "crazy woman makes unfounded accusations against her poor, put-upon husband."

Bitch_PhD thinks that if more women should march through the streets semi-nude carrying baseball bats we'd probably have a more civil society, and thanks Feministe for the story.

  • news
  • MONDAY JUNE 11 2007 2:00 PM

Bigfoot, if Real, Might Live in India



To hell with the naysayers, cryptozoology -- the “science” of studying animals that are hypothesized to exist -- is where it’s at these days. After years of mockery and scorn from the legitimate scientific community, these so-called cryptozoologists may finally have some new leads on their search for legendary creatures that probably don't exist.

Over the past month, reports of “bigfoot” sightings have been coming from villagers in the Gara hills area of India. The creatures have been described as “hairy giants," which is interesting considering the only species of ape native to India is the Hoolock Gibbon, and they aren’t known to get much bigger than 3-feet-tall. In an interview with AFP, a villager describes the creatures:

The sight was frightening: two adults and two smaller ones, huge and bulky, furry. Their heads looked as if they were wearing caps, and their color was blackish-brown. The four of them quietly vanished into the undergrowth.


In another article by the Times of India, amateur anthropologist SR Krishnaswamy claims to have found some compelling evidence of his own:

"We found four footprints of Bigfoot. In one, the footprint of the adult male measures 29 inches and the female size is 26 inches. Even the young one's foot size is 8.5 inches," said Krishnaswamy on Monday. Going by the size of the footmarks, the anthropologists say Indian Bigfoot would have been far bigger than his Australian and Malaysian counterparts, estimated to be about 8 feet tall and weighing a hefty 350 kg.

"The Bigfoot found in these parts would be diametrically opposite to his counterparts in size, weight and eating habits. Stone tools that lie strewn around testify he used to prey on wild animals", said Krishnaswamy.


As these discoveries come at a time when the world is pressed for more and more cheap labor, there seems to be an obvious solution as to what to do with Bigfoot if and when we do find them. With captive breeding, surely we could domesticate them and train them to do useful tasks like putting up drywall, digging ditches, or directing traffic. The possibilities are truly endless: if shaved, they could be used as stunt doubles, crash test dummies, or as attractions in Surviving the Game-style human-hunting theme parks (sure to be a hit with the NRA set).

And if the hairy giants turn out lazy, they could always be slaughtered; their high-protein flesh being a natural, albeit furry, solution to world hunger. I expect "Bigfoot Jerky" would be an obvious success at truck-stops throughout the world.

In vaguely related cryptozoological news, a few weeks ago a British gent claims to have captured footage of the Loch Ness Monster on video. The story, to me, isn't all that interesting, as the potential for reptilian slave labor seems relatively low. But do take a look at the video:

  • news
  • FRIDAY JUNE 1 2007 4:00 PM

Fly Me, I'm Frivolous



Ah, the joy of international travel, in search of places where annoying feminist ideas haven't yet destroyed civilization.

An Indian court has ruled against a group of female flight attendants who were grounded from the national airline for being overweight.

The court said that state-owned Indian Airlines had the right to take the step in the interest of flight safety and in the face of growing competition.


Because, you know, thin women are fitter than women who aren't thin:

The Delhi High Court has ruled in favour of the airline, saying that with aircraft flying at higher altitudes, the safety of the passengers depended on the crew's ability to perform.


And chicks can always lose weight -- which makes them healthier, don'tcha know -- because, after all, the Ark story is true:

"If by perseverance, the snail could reach the Ark, why can't these worthy ladies stand on and turn the scale."


Moreover, telling women to stay small in no way violates their humanity; big women aren't, after all, humans:

"I do not understand how it is any way unfair, unreasonable and insulting to their womanhood if they are asked to control their growth."


Do I really need to articulate why this finding is fucked up?

Probably, so let's have at it; in any case, the reasons are so obvious it'll take all of five minutes to spell them out.

First, thin women are often weaker than their bigger sisters, especially if their thinness is the result of excessive dieting.

Second, muscle weighs more than fat -- so correlating fitness with weight is doubly stupid.

Third, even if you use BMI, which at least takes into account height, there are still a ton of variables, including ethnicity and body fat itself that it doesn't predict well.

Fourth, it's possible that dieting is worse for your health than maintaining a steady, if high, weight.

Fifth, the Ark is a myth.

Sixth, it seems to be untrue that people can simply choose to lose weight.

Seventh, asking a living creature -- what with "living" including "growth" -- to control its growth is, in fact, an attack on its status as living. What with women, surprisingly, being living creatures, telling them to stay small is, therefore, an attack on their humanity -- of which "womanhood" is, and I know this is a leap -- a part.

Eighth -- and I love this -- there's the fact that Air India also demands that its flight attendants have perfect teeth and no acne. Doubtless this is because crooked teeth and zits are widely known to prevent people from being able to compromise flight safety.

If you're inclined to actually learn something about the science and politics of the weight issue -- as opposed to simply having the same uninformed opinions everyone else has -- you can read this book or this blog, both of which provide much more and better evidence than I have here.

Bitch_PhD thanks mat8drb for the link. If she were in a plane emergency, she wouldn't give a shit what the flight attendants looked like; all the better if they have the constitutions and training of Marines.

  • news
  • WEDNESDAY APRIL 11 2007 6:00 PM

Presumably Men Have to Document Masturbation



File this one under "we're not there yet, but thanks for the idea": in India, a new requirement for women civil servants orders them to report a "detailed menstrual history" including the date of their last periods and maternity leaves.

The linked article doesn't say why -- presumably this is on a health questionnaire? -- but predictably, women are none too happy about it. And while a thorough medical history includes menstrual information along with number of pregnancies and births, the potential for this kind of information to be used by an employer (in this case, the state) to discriminate against women is pretty damn obvious: "Oh, your last period was three months ago? You might be pregnant. Forget about that upcoming promotion."

Not to mention that this kind of thing might well be flat-out embarrassing to a lot of women. I, for one, don't think it should be, but wishing doesn't make it so.

Bitch_PhD finished her last period about three days ago, has a longer-than-average cycle, only had the one pregnancy, and may or may not be pre-menopausal but is kind of hoping to knock one more kid out before her fertility tanks.

  • commentary
  • SUNDAY NOVEMBER 19 2006 8:00 PM

Subcontinental Arms Race Heats Up

Despite paying lip service to playing nice with negotiations over the disputed Kashmir region, things are slowly but steadiy spiraling out of control between India and Pakistan. India's decision to resume nuclear testing in 1998 motivated Pakistan to finish and test their own nukes shortly afterwards. A terrorist attack on the Indian parliament in 2001, widely ascribed to Pakistani extremists, precipitated a military buildup on both sides over the next few months that narrowly avoided an open conflict.

The stakes have now increased, with Pakistan test firing a medium-range missile earlier last week, capable of delivering a (admittedly more sophisticated that Pakistan is believed to have developed) nuclear weapon to most strategic locations within India. India upped the ante today by sucessfully testing its own missile also capable of dropping nukes on most areas within Pakistan.

The Prithvi missile was launched from Chandipur in the eastern state of Orissa into the Bay of Bengal at 0955 local time (0425 GMT).

It was part of an air defence exercise, and more trials are expected in the coming weeks, the defence sources said.

The test comes three days after a missile was tested by Pakistan.

The two countries recently announced they would prepare a deal to limit the risk of an inadvertent nuclear conflict.

The two sides met in the Indian capital, Delhi, last week for peace talks, the first between the South Asian neighbours since July's train bombings in Mumbai (Bombay).

The 8.5m (28-ft) surface-to-surface Prithvi missile covers 150 km (90 miles) in 300 seconds and has a range of up to 250 km.


Fortunately there are active diplomatic channels between the two countries, and the 2002 crisis focused enough international attention on both countries that allies are poised to try and stop anything bad before it really goes too far and someone nukes someone else. Still, I seriously doubt that anyone in sleeping better in either country tonight knowing that these missile systems are operational.

  • news
  • MONDAY AUGUST 21 2006 12:00 PM

Dine Out in Style at the Hitler Bar & Grill

I've never been a big fan of theme restaurants. Sure, it's mildly diverting to see Meatloaf's thong in a glass display case as you chomp burgers at the Hard Rock, but it always seems as if these joints put more time and money into the decor than they do the actual food.

Even though the Hard Rock started in the U.K., we can never make as good a job of such restaurants as our American cousins. We had a John Lennon Bar in London (ominously stalked by the Mark Chapman Bistro further down the road). There was even talk of a Dracula restaurant opening, but it never saw the light of day.

One place I definitely won't be visiting is the new Hitler restaurant that has opened up in Mumbai, India.

Hitler’s Cross, which opened last week, serves up a wide range of continental fare and a big helping of controversy, thanks to a name the owners say they chose to stand out among hundreds of Mumbai eateries.
“We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people’s minds,” owner Punit Shablok told Reuters.

“We are not promoting Hitler. But we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different.”


How charming. A genocidal, racist restaurant. Well it is different, I guess. Of course none of this is going down well with India's Jewish population.

“This signifies a severe lack of awareness of the agony of millions of Jews caused by one man,” said Jonathan Solomon, chairman of the Indian Jewish Federation, the community’s umbrella organization.

“We are going to stop this deification of Hitler,” he said without elaborating.


Quite right too, but in case you're wondering what the experience of dining at Chez Adolf would be like, the article provides some clues.

The small restaurant, its interior done out in the Nazi colors of red, white and black, also has a lounge for smoking the Indian water pipe or “hookah.”

Posters line the road leading up to it, featuring a red swastika carved in the name of the eatery. One slogan reads: “From Small Bites to Mega Joys.”

A huge portrait of a stern-looking Füehrer greets visitors at the door. The cross in the restaurant’s name refers to the swastika that symbolized the Nazi regime.

“This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal,” said restaurant manager Fatima Kabani, adding that they were planning to turn the eatery’s name into a brand with more branches in Mumbai.


I dread to imagine which Nazi-related snacks are on the menu.

  • commentary
  • THURSDAY JULY 27 2006 6:00 PM

More Nukes for India

India caught the world off guard in 1998 when they announced that they successfully tested a nuclear weapon, making them the latest member in the exclusive "nuclear club". Since then Western countries have proceeded with caution in dealing with both India and Pakistan (who quickly followed India's lead, iniating their own nuclear test several days later), who have considerable historical enmity between them, often focusing on the hot-button issue of who should control the disputed Kashmir region. Recent weeks have seen the US try and bring India back into the fold with talks of them halting future production of nuclear weapons in exchange for civilian reactor technology that would help feed the insatiable energy demands of the country's rapidly growing economy. It appears that a deal may have finally been hammered out, but unfortunately it looks like the world needs to brace itself for even more Indian nukes.

The deal would allow nuclear-armed India to buy American nuclear reactors and fuel for the first time in more than 30 years, despite the fact it has still not signed the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty.

It also requires the rising South Asian power to open civilian nuclear facilities to international inspections, forgo future nuclear tests and cooperate with the United States and other nations on halting the spread of nuclear exports.

"History will regard what we do today as a tidal shift in relations between India and the United States. This will be known as the day when Congress signaled definitively the end of the Cold War paradigm governing interactions between New Delhi and Washington," said Rep. Tom Lantos of California, senior Democrat on the House International Relations Committee.


India's dealings with the US have historically been tepid, with the country remaining mostly non-aligned during the Cold War, or shifting loyalties to whichever side could most benefit it at the time. The prospect of a 21st century China/India/Russia alliance that would leave the US out in the cold is not a particulalry appealing one for American politicians, and so this most recent diplomatic development may be an attempt at keeping India at arm's length. But giving a country in such a potentially volatile situation the means to further develop their nuclear arsenal may not be the most prudent maneuver. Especially coming on the heels of the discovery that Pakistan is building a new reactor that may be poised to crank out 40-50 new, more powerful nukes every year.

Pakistan has been the West's ally of convenience in the Middle East since 9/11, as General Pervez Musharraf has bent over backwards trying to convice Americans that he is doing all he can to clamp down on Islamic terrorists in the region. But Musharraf's regime has stood on shaky ground for years, and future relations with the country cannot be guaranteed. Now is the time to exercise whatever diplomatic muscle can be flexed to try and stop both of these countries from arming themselves with even more nuclear weapons. Imagine how the Cold War would have turned out in the US and the USSR had shared a disputed border? That's what the future may hold for south Asia, and it's not pretty.