Republican Senator Taps His Gay Foot Near Cop!
In what may be the lamest sex scandal of all time, Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, was arrested in June by a Minneapolis airport cop for disorderly conduct. The undercover officer thought Craig was sending signals indicating he was looking for sex in an airport bathroom. Man on man sex. Craig pleaded guilty, paid a $575 fine and was put on probation for one year. The details of the arrest are amazingly retarded.
The bathroom is apparently known as a place where fellas go to have sex with other fellas. Airport police were conducting a sting and had made numerous arrests before they bagged the Senator. The police report is both pathetic and weird.
First the report says that Craig entered a stall next to the policeman and put his luggage against the door. The officer claimed that is what gay men do.
My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall.
Right! That is exactly what gay men do. Also, I do it because men usually pee on the floor around the toilet and I dont want my luggage to smell like urine.
At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot, which was within my stall area.
Anyone else getting a boner at this point? This is some awesome literary porn.
Next Craig swiped his hand beneath the stall divider several times. That was enough for the law. The cop showed his ID. Craig was not pleased.
With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, 'No!'
At the airport police station, Craig tried to explain the situation.
Craig
told police he has a "wide stance" in the bathroom and reached down to pick up a piece of paper from the floor.
Honest enough. When I shit I usually spread my legs at 90-degree angles, but I am also a lizard. Craig was released after 45 minutes and he went on his way. Poor guy must have thought he got away with it, until someone leaked it to Roll Call yesterday.
This is one of the creepiest arrests I have ever heard of. I know gays are targeted all the time with shit like this, but the details are disturbing. How tapping your foot would ever hold up in court as lewd behavior is beyond me. The purpose of stings like this one, are to scare men with public exposure and hope they take a guilty plea. Looks pretty effective.
Even more disturbing is a story in todays Idaho Statesman detailing a five-month investigation into Craigs alleged homosexuality. The paper interviewed over 300 people, who knew Craig from his boyhood days, through his time in DC. Over all that time reporters found one man who said he had sex with Craig and two who said Craig hit on them. Should we burn Craig at the stake now or tomorrow?
People have had suspicions about Craig since 1982 when he made a very unwise political move. A Congressional page was claiming three Congressmen had sex with pages. Newspapers questioned Craig, just as they questioned every Congressman. A reporter who was working in DC at the time explained how Craig brought heat down on himself.
It was simply an inquiry: Have you heard anything? Who have you heard about? Have you heard any names mentioned? What's your reaction to this news?'
"The next thing I know, Larry Craig has issued a press release: This isn't me.' Which I just thought was a bizarre and ultimately very foolish thing to do.
"He was the only person going on the record anywhere. And of course, when you do that, it's like raw meat. He's saying, Nobody's actually accusing, but it wasn't me!' It's no wonder it's dogged him. He denied something that no one had accused him of."
Fair enough. Dude might be gay. But a five month investigation? Nice use of your resources during this time of war and massive corruption. I dont expect much from Idaho, but this is a new low.
Craig does have a record of voting against gay rights. In 2006 he supported a State amendment that bars gay marriage and civil unions. He also supported an amendment to the US Constitution in 2004 to ban gay marriage. Craig is against extending civil rights protection to gays in the workplace and opposes allowing homosexuals in the military. So, clearly the man would be a hypocrite if he were exposed as a gay man.
But launching a five month investigation and arresting him in a bathroom stall for tapping his foot has swung me over to his side. Leave the dude the fuck alone. The newspaper went as far as to interview Craig in front of his wife, where a tape was played of a man claiming he had sex with the Senator.
Suzanne Craig's eyes reddened and filled with tears as she listened. After her husband's denial, she said, "I'm incensed that you would even consider such a piece of trash as a credible source."
To which Craig added, "Jiminy God!"
Jiminy God? Okay, that is pretty gay.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup Double Deluxe Weekend Edition
It's Saturday and you know what that means: It's time for another FearTheReaper Asshole Fuckface Roundup! This week there was such an amazing amount of Asshole Fuckfaces that I was forced to Super Size the Roundup. Its Double Deluxe Asshole Fuckface weekend! A Saturday AND Sunday Fuckface bonanza! Hang on to your sphincters and take a look at this weeks winners.
Which Asshole Fuckfaces hate whales besides the Japanese? The White House.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recommended that ship speed limits along the eastern seaboard be lowered during the migration of North Atlantic right whales. The number of right whales on Earth is now less than 300 and the leading cause of death for the endangered species is being hit by a ship. Calves are the most vulnerable to the murder boats.
Speed limits are the indispensable ingredient in a winning recovery strategy for the right whale, stated New England PEER Director Kyla Bennett.
The White House, of course, has delayed taking any action while they talk to their foreign shipping buddies. The review period is usually on 90 days, but the White House has refused to make a decision for 9 months. Now the White House Council of Economic Advisors is reviewing how right whales die, because if you want information on a marine mammal, you ask economists, not biologists.
Meanwhile, the White House is hearing complaints from shipping companies. Or, more specifically, foreign shipping companies. Of the 27 companies that sent a letter to the White House opposing the speed limit reduction, nearly all were foreign owned. Fuck the whales, save the foreign shipping companies!
My next Asshole Fuckface is borderline retarded.
We have now gotten to the point where people who loudly support George Bush are laughed at consistently. It is absurd to back anything he has or is doing. The man is the epitome of a bad president. Yet, they keep opening their mouths and blathering their nonsense. This week the editor of the Weekly Standard, Fred Barnes, took his praise too far when he compared Bush to Lincoln. You can forward this horrible video to 3:13 if you want to avoid Fred comparing Bush to Truman.
It is sad to see a man so deluded; yet we must hold him responsible and label him a Fuckface Asshole.
My next Asshole Fuckface on the list is a group of anonymous people who are a delightful combination of racists and cowards.
Ian Johnson is a Boise State University running back who scored the winning two-point conversion in this years Fiesta Bowl. After the game, he got on his knee and proposed to his cheerleader girlfriend. The nation watched on national television as she said, yes. It was a beautiful moment except for some people, who saw it as a horrible nightmare of race mixing.
Johnson is black and his fiancé is white, which makes people who are living in the sixties, or Idaho, really angry. The wedding is today and Johnson has been forced to hire security due to the death threats he has received. The threats have come in the form of letter (very 19th century), by phone (very 20th century) and in person (very Cro-Magnon).
It's really sad because a lot of people that are probably doing it are the same people who were cheering me on.
Whoa! Carrying a football has nothing to do with marrying our women. Keep up the good work, America! I am swelling with pride.
What would an Asshole Fuckface Roundup be without Republicans and Democrats?
The two parties are making it extra-easy for corporations to purchase the politician of their choice by allowing companies to buy some time at their national conventions.
Organizers of the Republican and Democratic conventions are offering companys access to power brokers and the chance to lobby them as they try to pick up their fundraising pace a year before the events.
Thank God. It is way to difficult for companies to buy politicians nowadays and they really need a break. The GOP is doing their best by offering corporate sponsors a round of golf with GOP leaders for only $2.5 million. The Democrats will let a company host talks with their politicians for a mere $250,000. That is one hell of a bargain.
Asshole Fuckface and Democratic Representative Diana DeGette does not see any problem with the scheme.
A reception that donors attend
doesn't in itself show any undue influence.
Yeah, why would anyone who pays $250,000 just to talk to you expect any sort of favor for that kind of money?
Republicans hope to pull in $58 million for their convention in Minnesota, while Democrats are looking for a paltry $40 million. The rest of their convention costs will be paid for by public money. These Asshole Fuckaces should not be given a dime of public money if they are taking such massive corporate donations. What is the point? The only reason to give them public money is so they will not sell out. But they are selling out, so we should yank the public funds. Now, whos in charge of that?
Fuck.
Congrats to all of this weeks winners. You each get a pewter FearTheReaper flask!
Double Deluxe weekend continues tomorrow....