One does not know terror until one walks the floor of Comic Con San Diego. There are poor bastards walking around dressed like Wookies, many soldiers from the future and a surprising number of attractive lady nerds in small outfits to drive the male nerds insane.

I was a witness to much female male nerd interaction. In the Suicide Girls booth there was a constant and epic display of no social skills. One gentleman slid up and asked Nixon if he could get a photo, while he stared at the floor. She said yes, and you could tell he was excited because he glanced up for a moment. I told him I would take the picture and he crept up near Nixon. I raised the camera for the shot, while dude kept staring at the ground. He is now the proud owner of a picture of himself, standing next to Nixon, as he hunches over and looks at the ground. Just what every boy wants to masturbate to.

While walking the floor with a friend, we came across two young women, obviously hired by a company to bring attention to their booth. The young women were in skimpy bikini outfits, and holding foam spears. They were obviously slightly dangerous jungle women of some sort. My friend thought it was amusing and asked to take a picture. That’s when the guy in charge of the booth said, “Get in line.” At that point we became aware of a line of a couple hundred sad gentleman, all waiting eagerly to have a picture taken with two women, who are sad actresses working at a Comic Con dressed up like jungle women, because they are not actually the real characters from the game. So, two hundred fellas were waiting in line to get a picture with two women because they were in small outfits. I cried for them.

I also have to report a wizard is asleep right now on the second floor in front of room 5B. I’m not sure how that works. I think wizards sleep for a couple hundred years once they nod off.

And I saw the Batman movie before I came down here. I am saddened to have to report that the Joker has put on a shitload of weight, and in one case was seen arguing with his girlfriend, who is some sort of garden nymph. I didn’t even know he was seeing someone.

Good times at the Con.

Well, I was supposed to arrive in San Diego today and make my way to Comic Con. The powers that be at SG paid my way and in exchange, I am supposed to write updates of the goings on. Holy shit did that not happen.

I missed the convention today because the Hyatt decided it would be an awesome idea to allow some guy to change the name on my reservation and put some other dude in the room. You know, the room SG paid for. Brilliant booking and management by the Hyatt. I was quite impressed. So, I spent the day wandering around from bar to bar, while some of the SG staff wasted their time dealing with the Hyatt's douchebag and very unapologetic manager, Adolpho Calvillo. Adolpho used such awesome phrases as, "Hey, if it was our fault..."

Dude, you changed the name on a reservation. That's the definition of "your fault."

Anyway, now I'm in my room and the room stealer is on the street. That only took four hours. The manager, Adolpho, really was a douchebag. But not to me, he was complete asshole to the lovely Viquiv, who did not on any way deserve his bullshit. So, if you're ever in San Diego, be sure not to stay at the Manchester Grand Hyatt, because they may just give your room away to a random dude and then act like assholes about it.

So, sadly this is all I know about Comic Con. Dudes were several rows deep to get just a glimpse of an SG. It was described as "insane."

On the train to SD, I saw a gentleman reading a novel with a dragon on the front and immediately understood that he was probably never going to feel the inside of a woman. He was really a sad case. But I was happy for him, because he has this weekend. Dudes like him get to rule the world and become a massive tribe, crawling the streets of San Diego for four fucking days. It's a God damn great thing. I have seen many of his kind wandering the streets today.

An entire family of five dressed up like The Flash? You're God damn right. That's how shit rolls around these parts. A woman in a bathing suit and goggles? Why the fuck not? It's Comic Con. Lots of guys wandering the streets in V masks, scaring old ladies? Oh, yes. How about an overweight Batman, sitting on a lawn, smoking a cigarette? Fuckin' A right.

I bumped into Patton Oswalt in the Marriot Lobby. He was on his way to a Mystery Science Theater show. Tomorrow the Comedians of Comedy will perform and there will also be a Sarah Silverman panel.

As of now, the parties are beginning. The movie studios have pretty much ruined Comic Con and William Morris is throwing a big bash tonight. It's very Hollywood - exactly what this convention should not be. It should be about the dude I saw on the train. Those guys should have one week a year where they get to be kings without every dick from Hollywood descending on the town and turning it into a giant movie commercial.

Now, I'm off to that William Morris party.