This week in Harsh Light of Day, we're taking a second look at one of the coolest imports to come from Japan since that AZIMO robot thinger in the car commercial. The film, winner of the Most Groundbreaking Film Award at Fantasia Film Festival, is entitled Hellevator: The Bottled Fools.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking. "Another Japanese horror/sci-fi/cyberpunk movie? I already have the collected works of Miike, Versus (even though it sucks), and the collector's edition of Akira. My film collection (and, by extension, my life) is complete - why should I check this film out?" Why? Well for starters, because the film is a whole lotta fun.

Set in a dystopian future reminiscent of Brazil and The City of Lost Children, the story centers on Luchino, a schoolgirl with a troubled past. As she hops into an elevator to evade the cops, she winds up getting stuck with a random assortment of folks - including two prisoners on their way to be executed. You can kind of surmise what happens after that... and why the original title of the film (The Bottled Fools) needed a retarded expository name like Hellevator tacked onto the beginning of it, simply so it could be marketed in uncultured, backwards places like America.

Made on roughly twenty US dollars, the story behind the film is just as amazing as the movie itself. Director Hiroki Yamaguchi won the grand prize at the Independent Film Festival of Japan, and used the prize money to fund production of the movie. The cast and most of the crew were all on a volunteer basis - no one got paid. The sets were constructed from parts salvaged from junkyards and a screw factory. Watching Hellevator, you'd barely know it; the no-budget effects and sets work for the film instead of against it, by providing a creepy backdrop for the actors to play off of. Especially convincing (and stealing most of the scenes he's in) is Keisuke Urushizaki as one of the trapped prisoners; his performance as the rapist Obitani will make you laugh and wince simultaneously. All the actors turn in solid performances, however. There are no weak links in the cast. This is even more astounding when you remember that they were doing it on spec.

The various subplots of the film add a bit of spice to a trapped-room story, although the meat of the film comes from the scenes shot in the elevator itself, and the resultant paranoia within (okay, that might be the most pretentious thing I've ever written).

Still need convincing? Fine, dumbass. Here's the trailer:



Convinced now? Good. You can order it from Netflix, or just buy it here.


MisterSatan is always looking for suggestions for next week's Harsh Light of Day. If you think a movie's gone criminally underviewed, let him know and he'll see if he can "rent it from the liberry".

Much like the streets of London after sundown, some fashions are best enjoyed dark, foggy, a bit romantic and utterly dramatic. Like many of you darlings, some of my favorite movies growing up were Tim Burton films. I love dramatic clothes, and let me tell you -- after watching Beetlejuice I was convinced that someday I'd have huge hair, wear exceeding amounts of dark eyeshadow and own a huge red tulle confection of a dress. Hey, I'm halfway there! For me, the best part of Burton's films have always been the wonderfully extraordinary costumes and styling... and what could possibly be better for his medium than romantic fashion and murder with unorthodox weapons?

I can't speak for everyone, but if I had to guess I'd say it's been much too long since we've seen Johnny Depp well-dressed, pale-faced and wild-haired. Too long has he been tan, dreadlocked and filthy, stumbling drunkenly around decks. While there may never be another Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton and long-time colleague/costume designer Colleen Atwood bring back the hotness with some top-notch, Victorian-inspired costuming in Sweeney Todd.




Johnny Depp as Sweeney Todd

Dressing wasn't too easy for the Victorians. While some of you today bemoan the necessity of underpants, even the poorest men back in the 1840s had to concern themselves with things like flannel undershirts, not to mentions neckerchiefs and hats.




Alan Rickman as Judge Turpin

It could be said that they really knew their layering. Men knew how to suffer for their style, too; right up until Sweeney Todd's times they wore stiffly starched collars up and the [slightly more gentle] folded tips you see here were just coming into fashion.




Sacha Baron Cohen as Signor Adolfo Pirelli

Though, overall, menswear in the Victorian times only became interesting for the rich. They could indulge in things like pocket watches, silk ties, canes with secret compartments and revolvers... while the working class was stuck with cotton shirts and straight-razors.




Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett

The costumes here are, without a doubt, more Burton than Victoria, but would anyone be quite as excited about seeing the gorgeous Helena Bonham Carter in a plain cotton dress and apron instead of her sexy, black corset-bodice and tulle ruffles? Tim Burton's films are above all fantasy, and the clothing looks as stylized as the pale and shadow-eyed actors themselves. Victorian accuracy can relax a bit and let pinstriped pants and big hair take over this Christmas, when Sweeney Todd comes out in theaters.

There is more interest now in the film business than at any time in history. Back in the day, round about the mid-1970s, your average person didn’t have much interest in movies other than seeing them. At that time, box office reports were something seen only in the trades. And you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who could name a filmmaker.

But that was then.

Now, my mom who lives in the Midwest can name the number one film at the box office each week. With the internet, there are more outlets covering movies now than there are movies made in any given year. There’s almost an obsession on the part of average moviegoers to learn everything about film’s that peak their interest. DVDs seem to be required to include a “making-of” documentary. Television is filled with coverage of movies from interviews to on the set visits to peaks into the process of moviemaking itself through shows like Project Greenlight, IFC’s Film School and even HBO’s Entourage. All this must have led TV super-producer Mark Burnett and his associate Steven Spielberg to believe that the public would embrace a show that is basically “American Idol for Filmmakers.” Unfortunately, they were wrong. Not about the interest on the part of the public, but by the approach to the subject.

If you are one of the few folks still watching FOX’s reality show On the Lot, then we should talk. Both of us. The ratings for the show have been abysmal from the start, even though the premiere episode aired just after the final episode of American Idol, a show I am proud to say I have only seen glimpses of in promos. (I am used to the fact that my personal taste rarely aligns with the general public’s.) The ratings for On the Lot have dropped by half nearly each week, and they even cut the schedule from twice weekly airings to only once a week on Tuesday evenings. I’m guessing the only reason it’s still on is because Mr. Spielberg, the most financially successful filmmaker of all time, is involved.

So, why am I still watching this terrible show? I am burdened with a lifelong film obsession and I relish every peak into the process provided by shows like Greenlight and Film School, both of which I highly recommend on DVD. I believe that the show began with good intentions – to reveal the drama of a movie competition as filmmakers “go for their dream” in a contest where America votes. I remember first hearing about On the Lot and being excited about the possibilities, to the point where I was actually recommending certain talented filmmaking pals submit applications. I am so glad none of my friends took my advice, I’d feel so guilty. The show is not just a ratings disaster, plenty of great programming receives awful Nielsons, it’s just plain torture to watch each week. So rather than continue viewing in pain, I feel compelled to tell you why On the Lot failed.

Reality TV super-producer Mark Burnett, the lucky contestants from the Fox's reality TV series On the Lot and director Steven Spielberg, who has yet to make an appearance on the show.

The Dream
There’s something about watching underdogs go for their dream that is instantly relate-able. We feel their pain and want them to triumph against the odds. The individual singers on American Idol seem to generate armies of fans rooting on for their success. Sadly, no one seems to care about filmmakers. Somehow, the dream of those pursuing a career as a filmmaker is just not widely relate-able as those of a kid who wants to sing on stage. Or, perhaps the producers have not shown us enough about each contestant to make us care.

The Host
Many who have seen the show always seem to complain about the host, Adrianna Costa, who was a replacement at the last minute. Having done a job that was similar on show on IFC, I can tell you that it’s not a lot of fun. You’re there to play traffic cop, and lead the audience to the next bit. Adrianna Costa is fine to me. She’s most likely being overproduced before she appears live to read teleprompter, after she’s read it 50 times before that, and after having done rehearsal after rehearsal which puts the minds of producers at ease, but can make the host seem stiff. Let her loosen up.

The Films
Well, they’re very good, for the most part, especially compared to most of the content uploaded to YouTube. But let’s see each director making those movies. That’s the fun part, witnessing the struggle to get it made, which is how shows that tackled similar material became popular – by exposing the process.


Film and television producer/director Garry Marshall and actress/writer Carrie Fisher make up two-thirds of the panel of judges each week.

The Judges
The panel of judges is, well, for the most part, out of touch. Carrie Fisher prefaces nearly every statement by saying “I think you’re very talented,” then proceeds to explain why she didn’t get it. It’s like watching a John Waters movie with your mom who then fails to understand why Divine eating poodle poop is an important scene. While Carrie may be loopy, Garry Marshall seems to still be living in the 70s with his views on women. He’s referred to female directors as “girls” and is simply condescending in his remarks when he says words to the effect, “That was a good movie… for a girl.” I think grampa forgot to take his medicine. There is a glimmer of intelligence when it comes to comments made by the weekly guest director. The judges who have dispensed all the best advice have been the revolving directors chair which has included Brett Ratner, D.J. Caruso, Michael Bay and most recently, Wes Craven. Each of them seem to be mentoring when they provide notes on each film. Why not a panel of three directors?

The Drama… or Lack of it…
The show is clearly modeled after American Idol by showing this fake drama created solely by the host informing contestants one by one whether they are “safe.” Then, a few “unsafe” filmmakers must stand and wait for the entire show to learn if they will stay or go. Ugh. It’s so embarrassing to watch, I actually feel awful for the filmmakers.

Ultimately, FOX was probably not the best home for this show. Bravo or Sundance Channel or IFC would probably have take the concept of a film competition show and made it much more intelligent given that they're less dependent upon ratings. It’s too late to retool the show on FOX, but it’s not too late for another network to create an imitator. Though, TV is not really in the business of replicating failure.

Anyway, if you happen to have missed On the Lot, every episode is available for download on the official site… if you care.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore admits being addicted to reality TV, but is in slow recovery.

Best known for creating album covers for dozens of classic death metal records, British painter Dan Seagrave has ventured into the dark waters of filmmaking. He recently completed his first project for the UK Film Council, a short film titled Shadowline.

Respected for his contributions to the burgeoning death metal scene of the late '80s and early '90s, Seagrave created the covers for Morbid Angel’s Altars of Madness, Entombed’s Left Hand Path, and tons of other "br00tal" discs by acts like Vader, Dismember, Benediction, Malevolent Creation, and more recently he designed a T-shirt for thrash upstarts Trivium.

While his paintings are known to be darkly surreal and deeply entrenched in fantasy, Shadowline looks to be more psychological than literal with its horror... perhaps the swirling shards of chaos and mechanistic larval demons have been internalized by the film’s protagonist. Check out the film's site for screening info and a streaming trailer. And just as a reminder of how good some of those "classic records" really were:



Hat Tip: Blabbermouth

Knowledge is power. That statement is especially true when attempting to break into the movie business. All you need to begin your career in the film business are a few simple things – $100,000 for tuition at a top film school, be sure to see thousands of movies including all of those considered to be historically important, don't forget to save at least $25,000 or more for the projects you wish to finish, get used to the lack of sleep or a social life... oh, and it really helps to have talent.

The unfortunate reality is that money is probably the most important part of this equation. That is, unless you enjoy playing the part of a production assistant working on someone else’s movie at film school, probably for the kid whose family was smart enough to take out a loan.

There really is no formula for success in the film business, no matter the level of education, access to money or God-given talent, it all could amount to nothing. So it might inspire you to know that Quentin Tarantino never graduated high school. He's a dropout and sometimes it shows in the work -- his screenplays are rife with spelling and grammatical errors. But reading a Tarantino script is like poetry to any movie geek who has had the pleasure to soak in his words. Sure, there's a "teh" here and there and rampant misuse of "your/you're" but these words were not meant to be read, they were intended to be heard from the silver screen accompanied by powerful images. It's well-known that QT took advantage of his video store job by watching countless movies. He exposed himself not only to the beloved classics, but to exploitation films from the seventies as well as Hong Kong cinema. Tarantino is not the only one who skirted traditional schooling in favor of the school of life. The film industry is perhaps one of the few businesses in which the points of entry are as varied as the levels of education - a business populated by everyone from college dropouts to those with PHDs. And there are still no guarantees that a degree from film school will gain you anything but a production assistant job paying less than working as a fast food meat jockey.

For those without the ability to fund an expensive film school education, or if you're simply seeking a way to supplement your schooling, there are several ways to achieve this. And the best part is that the school of life is free. Well, mostly free. The one thing to keep in mind if you choose this path is that you never really graduate. The schooling just goes on and on. In fact, the education should never really end. Spielberg himself sees many films each week because he always feels he can learn something new. And so can you by pursuing a few of these opportunities.



Listen to DVD Commentaries
Paul Thomas Anderson, the director of Boogie Nights has said that listening to commentary tracks (then only heard on laser discs) was how he learned about filmmaking. Some great commentaries are almost like sitting in class with professor Scorsese. In fact, listening to commentaries should become a habit. Personally, I'm addicted to DVD commentary tracks and I listen to them like talk radio at home and in my car and on my ipod. It's not difficult to rip a DVD and grab an MP3 of the commentary tracks for convenience later. However, now that commentaries are an expected part of a "special edition" DVD, most are average at best. A solid commentary should offer inside knowledge free from the political "niceties" so often heard on these tracks. One of the best is on Requiem for a Dream by Darren Aronofsky. He includes his cinematographer on the commentary and the two reveal the guerilla filmmaking methods they used to get the movie made. The recent release of Joe Carnahan's Smokin' Aces has two commentary tracks that are amazing.

A filmmaker who consistently provides excellent commentary is Steven Soderbergh. He is probably the best filmmaker doing commentary on DVD today for films like sex, lies and videotape or Ocean’s Eleven or Traffic or The Limey or Out of Sight or Full Frontal. Soderbergh always hosts his commentary with the screenwriters of his films and introduces the commentary track by saying “Hey, welcome to another episode of two white guys talking about movies...”

What makes Soderbergh’s commentary so amazing is that he hits on almost every layer of what you’d look for in a good commentary-
- First of all, insight into his process. We learn firsthand how he makes movies and his philosophies on cinema. Soderbergh will explain why he did what he did and he’s even his own worst critic – he’ll even tell you whether he thought it worked or not.
- Secondly, we get to know about him as a person. With all his success, he’s strangely humble and a regular guy. He reveals personal history, elements of his family life as they relate to the film, where he went to school, where he came from, who influenced him, favorite films, where he stole ideas, etc… Soderbergh also displays a great sense of humor.
- And finally, Soderbergh’s commentaries always include lots of inside stories and anecdotes about the actors, the financing, the problems, the marketing, the studio, etc... He’s not afraid to be vulnerable or even get into an argument with the screenwriting co-hosting the commentary on the disc. Listen to the commentary track for The Limey and you’ll hear Soderbergh’s heated argument with the screenwriter over cut scenes. It’s brilliant!

Others who excel at commentary are actor Bruce Campbell – he’s hysterical.

Explore
For those lucky enough to live in the capitol of the entertainment industry, there are plenty of places to explore.

Hollywood Museum
Learn about the history of Hollywood, and you can even do the tourist thing and take the Location Tour in which you'll visit the actual locations for movies and television shows. The most popular tour currently is the Entourage which takes you to landmarks sucha as Jerry’s Famous Deli, the Urth Café, the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Beverly, Koi and Real Food Daily on La Cienega and ending at the Santa Monica Pier (location for the fictional Aqua-Man movie). Or you could just drive by those places yourself. Anyway, visit them at 3200 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 1680 South Tower, Los Angeles, CA 90010.

Margaret Herrick Library
The official Oscar web site has incredible resources including The Margaret Herrick Library. This prestigious library collects a wide range of materials relating to motion pictures, including books, periodicals, scripts, photographs, posters and other publicity materials. The library is housed in the Fairbanks Center for Motion Picture Study, at 333 S. La Cienega Boulevard, Beverly Hills, California 90211

Warner Bros. Studio Tour
Studios VIP Tour is an insider's look at one of Hollywood's busiest and most famous motion picture studios - past and present.

Universal Pictures Backlot Tour
Not just a theme park with a look inside big movies, but they even serve beer and margaritas.

Sony Pictures Tour
Just like the other tours, but it’s Sony!
Tip: If you can, find a way to get to the official Sony Pictures Studio Shop where you'll find CDs, DVDs, Blu-ray discs, PS3 games and even PS3s at employee discounts. Whenever I get on the lot, I stop by the store and load up.

Become a Member of the Studio Audience
Hey, if all else fails, you can clap, can't you? Become a member of the audience and learn firsthand how boring shooting a television show can be. Some shows even pay for you to stay seated for hours.



See Movies and More Movies
The multiplex might be a safe place to see mainstream movies, but you must broaden your horizons and seek out film festivals and screening programs in your area. Here's a round-up of the best.

American Cinematheque - Los Angeles
Features classic movies, film forums and daily presentations of Forever Holywood in the historic Hollywood Egyptian Theatre.
6712 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028

Creative Screenwriting Magazine Screening Series
See major films hosted by the screenwriters in lively question and answer sessions. Just sign up to their mailing list and you'll be invited to free screenings of new films. Screenings are always packed to capacity as seating is first-come, first-served, so get in line early to guarantee a seat. Best part - it's free as the program is paid for by studios seeking to promote their latest film to the most dedicated fans.

Flicker LA
Hosts special screenings of shorts on Super 8 and 16mm.



Learn Everything in a Weekend
If a four-year college is not in the cards, then you should consider many of the weekend programs available. Many of these serve to not only offer useful instruction, but are a great way to make industry connections. For aspiring screenwriters, the Writers Boot Camp will put you through the paces and provide assignments that will result in a fully written script in six weeks. This is a program that I have taken myself and the exercises they provide will assist anyone with writer's block to fill pages with dialog. Their continuing support after the initical course and list of distinguished alumni, who have actually sold scripts, is a testament to the process they've developed and the succes of their methods.

Perhaps the most reputable and worthwhile is the Sundance Institute which has programs for producers, screenwriters, directors and even emerging film composers. Don't expect to just sign up and write them a check, you have to fill out an application and be selected. I've attended the Producer's Program the last two years and it was an amazing experience, not just from the amount of information, but the contacts, the giant binder of info and even the food. This intimate seminar takes place in Utah and is like summer camp for film geeks.

There are plenty of others, but be careful as these can be very pricey. So do the research yourself and talk to others who have taken the programs to see which ones are worth the often hefty price-tag.

Free Money! Get a Grant
There are many grants available in screenwriting and even for pursuing the career of a film critic. You can even get a grant if you are out of school and have not yet had success in the business. The Nicholl Fellowships in Screenwriting program is an international competition open to screenwriters who have not earned more than $5,000 writing for film or television. The
Broadcast Film Critics Association, of which I am a member, offers a scholarship to a student seeking a career as a film critic. If you already have a feature film going, the Sundance Institute has grants available for documentaries and works-in-progress up to $75,000. There are countless other grants and programs to seek out, these are just a few.
Tip: There are hundreds of screenwriting contests out there and they all offer the hope of getting a large cash prize. Many of them require an entry fee to enter. Be wary as the cost to enter these competitions can add up fast, so research the best and seek out the fate of past winners.

Read All About It
It also helps to hit the books. When I realized that I could never afford to attend USC's film school, one of the most prestigious and expensive in the U.S., I simply walked into the student bookstore and purchased as many titles as I could afford. I then wrote down the names of all the books provided for the film program and then gave a copy of that list to my fellow classmates back in Detroit at Wayne State University. Sure, I could never afford that USC tuition at the time, but I knew that at the very least, I could read the same books as those lucky students.

For me, the best books include Chris Voglers' The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers, The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell and Breaking In: How 20 Film Directors Got Their Start by Nicholas Jarecki. For truly advanced books about the industry and the craft seek out
Michael Wiese Publications, Living Spirit's series of Guerilla Filmmaking books are must-reads and for data and contact info, the Hollywood Creative Directory is top-notch.

Taking advantage of just some of these non-traditional ways to learn about film may be your ticket to a successful career. Or it could all end horribly. Y’know, depending on how you decide to script the climactic ending of your own movie.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker and the creator of Film Threat. Chris counts himself among the many proud graduates of the school of life.

Did you see Sahara? Surprisingly, a lot of people did. That didn’t stop it from being one of the biggest failures in film history, however. The 2005 movie, starring Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz, has lost about 105 million dollars to date (the studio estimates that it will lose “only” 78 million after ten years), an impressive sum in an age when DVD sales and overseas market make most big films at least somewhat profitable. Hell, Sahara even ranked number one in the box office its first week! So how, exactly, did Sahara manage to lose money? Documents obtained by the LA Times give us a pretty good idea.

The documents were supposed to be confidentially entered into evidence as part of a court case. Clive Cussler, the author of Sahara is suing the producers for reneging on his 10 million dollar contract (he was paid, but wasn't allowed script approval). Producers then countersued Mr. Cussler, claiming that he exaggerated sales of his Dirk Pitt adventure novels, and that his refusal to do any promotion for the film hurt ticket sales.

Other interesting expenses in the report include $135,000 for Cruz’s hairstylist, over $300,000 for animal training and housing, $2.6 million for a 7 minute boat chase, $3.8 million for ten different screenwriters, as well as tens of thousands in bribes.

The Ann Arbor Film Festival Report Part Two: In last week’s Footage Fetishes column entitled Michigan Uncensored, I told you about the Ann Arbor Film Festival and their battle over restrictions related to funding from the state which led to a lawsuit filed by the festival and headed up by the ACLU. Several films screened in recent years at the Ann Arbor Fest had been labeled “pornographic” by a local watchdog group named MCACA (Michigan Council for the Arts and Cultural Affairs). But, what about the movies? What’s the deal with these “banned” films?



The festival did the smart thing and embraced their renegade status by selling t-shirts with the loveable Boobie Girl as well as creating their own brand of “censorship.” Well, this censorship was on that you could eat in the form of a chocolate bar. In addition, they offered for sale a collection of shorts in a limited edition DVD titled Banned in Michigan featuring many of the films named by this watchdog group as being “pornographic.” Nothing could be further from the truth – edgy, yes, but porn, absolutely not. In fact, the films screened at Ann Arbor tend to fall under the category of experimental work which are usually non-narrative, weird, sometimes incoherent and often bizarre, but always pushing the envelope when it comes to the medium itself. Personally, the kind of films I like.

All the proceeds from the sales of these items will benefit the fest, but rather than dwell on that, here’s a round up of the best--


Filmmakers Armen Evrensel, Bryan Boyce and Sarah J. Christman enjoy local brew from mason jar's at one of the festival parties.

Chests
Dolores Wilbur’s two minute short contains close-ups of two doughy male chests mashing against each other. That’s all. For two minutes. Oddly, not erotic in the least but her intention was to feature harmless aggression with undertones of sexual tension. Mission accomplished.

Soggy Penis Syndrome
The title says it all – this is a montage of grainy video of limp penises. Rosy Boyer inter-cuts this with a woman seemingly taunting the boys.

The Arousing Adventures of Sailor Boy
This cut-up film by Jenny Bisch, contains images of a young sailor on an innocent walk while the film is scratched, cut, colored with ink and otherwise defiled. The title may be provocative, but this is experimental work dealing with the form of the celluloid itself.

U
Yuri A. has created perhaps the ultimate collection of fecal imagery as his film both begins and ends with farts. In between, we are treated to a cornucopia of poop in all forms of color and consistencies. Recommended viewing if you ever needed to quickly clear out a roomful of people – this is better than yelling “Fire!”

Five F**king Fables
Signe Baumane’s seven-minute series of mini-animated stories, highlights some impossible sex acts that could only be imagined, and therefore, illustrated in cartoon fashion. You’ll witness a man getting head from a garden of flowers, a man using a straw on a woman’s vagina, a headless princess giving head, cute faeries committing suicide all rendered in loveable colored-pencil animation. It’s violently terrific.


A collage of images from Signe Baumane's Five F**king Fables.

Sharony!
Two young girls birth a doll found in their backyard from a strange amber egg. The li’l “thing” is cute and oddly contrasted with the video footage of two cute kids. Disturbing.

Pleasureland
Bryan Poyser’s powerful black & white 17-minute short contains a deeply disturbing story. We witness a man obsessed with renting porn from the video store. Upon renting one such title, a real-live and totally nude woman appears in his living room in front of him! She’s ready for action, yet tethered to the VCR by an RF cable. Once said “video” is complete, the woman is no longer there… all that remains is a pool of dark liquid that is impossible to get out of the carpet. And worse, the video is no longer in the VCR! Unable to return the video, his credit card rings up a mountain of late fees and he must pay for the missing tape. Our well-hung lead is quickly unconcerned about his credit card debt as his obsession mounts to the point where he’s having full-on orgies in his living room with all combinations one might imagine – girl-boy-girl-boy-boy, and so on. His sex addiction climaxes in a finale I won’t spoil for you. Pleasureland is weird, smart, funny and makes the best Asian horror films look tame by comparison. Seek this one out as you won’t be disappointed.


Sharony! (left) features a bizarre doll birthing; Pleasureland is the story of one man's addiction to a certain section of the video store.

With Me
A woman in her underwear lounges in bed and is unfazed when a ghostly image of herself appears next to her. What?! She takes this as an opportunity to, literally, go fuck herself. Clearly Austrian filmmaker Kersten Cmelka combined two separately shot scenes, yet the timing of the actions of, well, both women, is perfect.

No American Dream
A race through New York becomes a search for a at least one good fuck.

America’s Biggest Dick
Bryan Boyce’s hysterical mash-up takes not just the audio, but the lips from Al Pacino in Scarface and places them on Dick Fucking Cheney, as he’s identified in the video. The footage of Cheney from the Republican convention becomes pee-your-pants funny during Pacino’s rants about “America” and especially when the classic, “Say hello to my little friend” is uttered. Brilliantly funny.


Bryan Boyce's America's Biggest Dick is a mash-up featuring Dick Cheney.

Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and is a proud member of the Michigan Mafia.

The Ann Arbor Film Festival Report Part One: Ann Arbor, Michigan is a liberal oasis in the Midwest. In fact, if one is caught smoking pot, the user will be hit with a hefty $25 fine for inhaling. For less than the cost of a parking ticket, you can do like the dude and abide. While the city is perhaps best known for being home to the University of Michigan, it feels more like San Francisco than a college town. Ann Arbor also happens to be the destination for one of the greatest festivals in the world dedicated to screening experimental work. Unfortunately, the prestigious 45 year history of the Ann Arbor Film Festival did nothing to dissuade local officials from labeling a handful of movies screened in recent years as being “pornography.”


The Ann Arbor Film Festival has a rich history of championing experimental films from all over the world.


Festival attendees were encouraged to participate by using their artistic skills on this reel of 16mm clear leader. The film made with full audience participation was screened on the last night. Apparently, someone drew penises on several feet of film, but it wasn't me.

Faced with having their much-needed funding pulled by the state, the festival chose not to accept the money as the definition of a "sex act" was so vague. In an interview with Hour Detroit magazine, festival executive director Christen McArdle said, "There are three guidelines that artists have to follow in order to get funding from the state: 1) no human waste on religious symbols, 2) no desecration of the flag, and 3) no depictions of sex acts. The Michigan Council for the Arts and Cultural Affairs said that we violated the guideline 'no depiction of sex acts.' This is a very vague guideline with a very vague definition. I asked the officials to describe to me what that means, 'What's a sex act? What are my parameters? Does a long kiss count as a sex act?' A kiss can be very sexy."


Festival executive director Christen McArdle and publicist Kristin Darga worked triple time during the festivities.

Being at the center of a controversy is not such a bad thing if you’re screening experimental films in Michigan. The attention garnered from this issue has led to packed houses at screenings this year. And support from locals, as well as a grant from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (they give away those gold statues every year called the Oscar), helped the festival make up the lost funding. Buoyed by the attention, the festival now has a new mission. Along with help from the ACLU, the Ann Arbor Film Festival has filed a federal lawsuit. On March 20th, to the sound of applause and cheers from festival attendees, an announcement was made on opening night - the Ann Arbor Film Festival would fight back. A press release sent to the media that night read:

You can read the entire ACLU complaint here.


Animation professor Brooke Keesling's entertaining short Boobie Girl was accused of being "pornographic."

For those of you who have never seen Boobie Girl, it's a charming animated short about a li'l girl who wishes for large breasts. When her wish comes true, she finds that life is not so easy with her newfound knockers. The film is played so innocently, that children could view it and find plenty of giggles. If this movie is porn, well, it's not very good porn. It's clear that the officials from the MCACA had never actually seen any of these movies and were merely skimming the titles in an effort to target certain films as "pornographic."


I swear, I was only reaching for some tasty popcorn. In Michigan, some might call this accidental boob graze a "sex act."

Some might brush off the festival's battle as a fruitless exercise. But that attitude diminishes the importance of the issue of funding for the arts. Other countries such as Canada, France, the U.K. and many more, support their filmmakers to the tune of tens of millions because they realize that movies made without regard for boxoffice speak to the national identities of their respective countries. Whereas, in the United States, our national identity is defined by movies released worldwide by Hollywood. These filmmakers supported by grants from our tax dollars are not burdened by the need for commercial success and/or mainstream acceptance. These artists can take the time to ask the tough questions about who we are as a culture. Setting aside funding that supports filmmakers who are allowed to exercise the freedom to express themselves only seems natural in a country that spends trillions on a military that shoves those values down the world's throat.

If we don't support a filmmaker's right to freedom of expression, we betray the values upon which the United States was built. (Unfortunately, our representatives in Washington seem to be doing a lot of that lately.) More than ever, preserving artists' rights is an issue that deserves attention and support.

And if the representative of this cause must be a cute li'l cartoon stick figure with tremendous ta-tas, then so be it.

Part Two of my Ann Arbor Film Festival coverage will take a look at all ten of the films deemed pornographic including America's Biggest Dick, Boobie Girl and Soggy Penis Syndrome. Until then...

...Gore gone.

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and is a proud member of the Michigan Mafia.

Sometimes I think I’m the luckiest guy in the world. As part of my “job,” I get to travel to film festivals all over the globe, see movies far in advance of their release and even watch flicks that may never see the light of day. And, to top it off, these fests usually have an open bar.

So don’t feel sorry for me when I say that it can get a little boring. I’m not talking about the travel, it’s the films – there’s a “sameness” about them. For the most part, independent film festivals screen pretty much the same movies. It makes a lot of sense as the programmers select their films from the same pool of movies that premiered at Sundance or Cannes or Toronto. So after a while, the subject matter begins to blend. There’s the indie “road” movie in which oddball characters go on a journey of discovery. There’s the “self-discovery-coming-of-age” movie in which the character must reveal his hidden crush on the high school football captain. There’s the “coming-home-after-a-long-absence-to-reconnect-with-family” in which a tragic event must be reconciled with a load of drama. And then there is the film I call “one-million-dollars-down-the-toilet-starring-fill-in-the-blank.” These are small indie films that will have no life outside the festival circuit and usually feature one “star.” And the “name” actor featured in said movie might be someone like Dean Cain or Maria Bello or Bill Macy or Scott Baio or Ed Burns or Parker Posey or Aaron Eckhart or y’know, fill-in-the-blank. It’s very odd to see these cliché independents screened in front of packed crowds, yet if you were flipping past them on cable TV, you would be reaching for the remote after five minutes.

So, whenever I discover a festival that breaks the mold and takes a unique direction by championing a type of movie worthy of more attention, I leap for joy! And, if I’m really inspired, I’ll jump in my car, fill the gas tank and head off on a road trip to one of these fests to see movies I know I won’t see anywhere else. Well, unless they’re out of the country, and that’s when I use my miles. Here's a round-up of fests worth the travel and expense:

CineVegas Film Festival
CineVegas takes place, where else, in Las Vegas and has been described as the “world’s most dangerous film festival.” Their offerings include plenty of violent and edgy films and docs rarely seen at other fests. Recently they hosted the world premiere of Artie Lang’s Beer League in which the entire cast attended.

Artie Lang's Beer League

Comedia Ha Ha
In addition to featuring some of the best comedians, this festival in Montreal, Canada screens a slew of comedies from around the world.

Cinema Sitges
Sitges, Spain is the place to be for this celebration of all things horror, sci-fi and fantasy. Fans and filmmakers come from everywhere to one of Spain's most beautiful vacation destinations. This is the place where bikinis are optional and attendees would rather sit indoors and watch movies -- that's just how good the films are.

Hollywood Horror Film Festival
This sidebar to the Hollywood Film Festival takes place in the heart of Hollywood at the Arclight Cinemas and is programmed by myself and Eric Campos of Film Threat. But I have to include this because the films are the kind of horror movies that are too extreme for theaters. This year the fest will premiere Dark Ride, which is just like the kind of 1970s blood n’ guts flick you used to hide your eyes from as a kid. In addition, the fest will premiere American Scary, a documentary about horror hosts like Elvira.

American Scary

Fantasia Fest
Now in its 10th year, Fantasia Fest in Montreal has a reputation for screening everything from Asian horror to extreme sci-fi indies that will never be seen on a movie screen anywhere. Fly, drive or take the train and spend a week seeing movies that will change your life forever.

Tokyo 1-minute Animation Festival
Okay, traveling to this festival to see one-minute animated movies may be a stretch, but this groundbreaking animation fest will make your jaw drop. And there’s a lot to do in Tokyo when you’re not watching films.

CineKink NYC
This New York event includes a variety of cutting edge erotica and it takes place very soon, October 17th-22nd to be exact. Here’s a short round-up of films on their schedule for this year:
"Vice and Consent," a documentary about the BDSM community, "Orgasmic Women: 13 Self-Loving Divas" share their intimate insights, "Webcam Girls," a visit with four pioneers of the girlcam frontier and "Other Peoples Mirrors," a dark, pseudo sci-fi centered around one woman's belief that by following the taboo-breaking directives of alien beings she will escape to her own nirvana. Even if the movie makes no sense, at least you can count on nudity. Get the full schedule on the site and you can thank me later.


Nihilist Film Festival
And when you’re completely burned out and depressed, you might actually find the films at this festival in Santa Monica, California kind of uplifting. Seriously.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and will be seated at the bar at the Arclight during the Hollywood Horror Film Festival on October 20th through 22nd. Beer and film is always a good combination, so join in.

With his first film ever, 29-year-old Mexican director Alejandro Gomez Monteverde has won the coveted Audience Award at the Toronto Film Festival. The movie, Bella, stars Monteverde's real-life wife Ali Landry (aka the Doritos girl) as a New York City woman who becomes involved with an unusual man.

"I really hope that this is not a dream and that I don't wake up at film school," said Monteverde. "This festival is my first. It's my first film. It's my first everything."


photo location

Unlike most film festivals, the Toronto fest favors the audience favorites, rather than the critics' picks. This year's Prize of International Critics went to the controversial Death of a President, a mockumentary that imagines the assassination of George W. Bush. Last year's audience winner was the South American film Tsotsi, which went on to win the best foreign language prize at the Oscars.

For a full list of the festival's winners, go here.

I am sick of this motherfucking hype on this motherfucking internet!

If you’re like me, that’s what you were screaming every day back in June whenever Snakes on a Plane was mentioned. New Line Cinema’s Snakes (or SOAP for some of you web hipsters) barely made the number one spot with a disappointing $15 million in its first weekend of release. Only days before, industry experts were predicting an easy win with a $30 million dollar opening due to the colossal internet buzz. Now, I am personally not a fan of “boxoffice talk” – basing the merits of a film entirely on how much money it generates. I believe there are more important things to consider when evaluating the success of a movie. I can name plenty of truly awful films that were, “The number one movie at the boxoffice,” many of which you would not even remember. While a list of number-one-at-the-boxoffice-turds would be too large to compile here, some that come to mind include (I’m kidding, none of these came to mind, I had to do some research) Message in a Bottle, Hide and Seek, The Watcher, Just Like Heaven, Flubber, Driven, The Wedding Planner, Beverly Hills Ninja, and Patch Adams. Do any of these ring a bell? Do you recognize any great films among this group? C’mon, these are all number one movies… yeah.

So, anyway, I seemed to be the only one who found it odd that there could be fans of a movie that had not yet been seen. Internet hype drove the perception that Snakes would go down as a “cult favorite.” And the studio bought into this by capitalizing on its strange cult status. So, in the aftermath of the Snakes web hype fizzle and boxoffice bomb, what have we learned? While I’ve heard many reasons for the supposed failure of Snakes, to me it's very clear: A “cult classic” cannot be created.

Cult films cannot be manufactured.
Cult films cannot be marketed.
Cult films cannot be hyped.
Cult films cannot be forced down audiences retinas.

By its very title, Snakes on a Plane was positioned as cult with a helping of kitsch. This is something you just can’t produce by slapping a quote on a poster that reads: “Destined to be a cult classic.” It comes off as contrived, which it was. The fickle movie-going public (which is not necessarily comprised of film fanatical web freaks) saw the film for what it was – a bad B-movie and nothing more. It was designed to be bad and it succeeded. And since there is such a thing as a “good” bad movie, on this level, Snakes fit the bill perfectly. I personally found Snakes to be a lot of fun. It’s the kind of cheesy flick you’d be perfectly satisfied to see on DVD, or for me, at the drive-in. But a Cult classic?

For a film to truly earn the moniker of “Cult” with a capital “C,” the following rules must apply:

- A Cult film must be discovered. This can happen at a film festival or at the drive-in or at an arthouse theater or at the video store or on a bootleg video or maybe even on the internet sometime soon, but generally not in wide release at a multiplex. Y’know, like Todd Haynes’ Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, which can only be obtained as a bootleg. (Or it can be seen here online.)

- A Cult film must shun mainstream audiences by avoiding the trappings of mass appeal. Y’know, like George A. Romero’s original Dawn of the Dead which was released unrated and was only seen at urban and porn theaters since regular theaters refused to screen it.

- A Cult film must create controversy with regard to ratings or, at the very least, it must cause some trouble. Y’know, like Terry Gilliam’s Brazil, which was recut by the studio and dumped with a limited release.

- A Cult film must be made by fearless filmmakers who are not afraid to offend the general public’s sensibilities. Y’know, like John Waters’ Pink Flamingos, in which drag queen Divine devours fresh poodle poop in one glorious, uninterrupted take. Or John Waters’ Female Trouble in which Divine attempts to kill her family on Christmas. Or John Waters’ Desperate Living in which lesbian wrestlers, well, you get the picture.

- A Cult film must have at least some of the following elements: blood, nudity, sex, bad acting, and bizarre violence rarely witnessed at the movies or even in the history of humanity. Y’know, like seeing a head ripped off, kicked into the street and then taken to a pawn shop, like in David Lynch’s Eraserhead.

- A Cult film must have quotable dialog. This is important since the quote can be used as a barometer to test the coolness of potential friends and lovers. In an everyday conversation, I might say something like, “Look at ‘em, ordinary fucking people, I hate ‘em.” If you know what movie I’m talking about, then we can definitely hang. (Hint: Harry Dean Stanton said this.)

- A Cult film must provide laughs in a non-traditional way and sometimes, unintentional way. Y’know, like Harold and Maude in which suicide attempts become a laugh riot. Or like Showgirls where the unintentional hilarity stems from the earnestness of the story.

- A Cult film must be bad in a good way. Y’know, like Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space.

- A Cult film must be initially hated by critics and then hailed by critics who change their minds years later when they finally admit that they “get it.” Y’know, like the 1932 version of Freaks by Tod Browning.

- A Cult film must be difficult to sell, to classify or sometimes even difficult to describe. Y’know like The Big Lebowski, which is about this weird guy and he has a rug and these other guys pee on it and he goes bowling with his friends and he smokes some pot and then, uh… never mind.

- A Cult film must endure the test of time and find its audience years after its original release. If you see it on the shelf at a video store more than 10 years after it first came out and it still seems like a cool movie worth seeing, then that film's Cult status has been earned. Y’know, like The Warriors from 1979, which was recently immortalized as a video game.

- And, most importantly, a Cult film must be considered a failure upon its initial release. Y’know, like Repo Man.

By fulfilling most of these terms, Snakes on a Plane could indeed become a real Cult classic. But only time (and maybe DVD sales) will tell.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and is hoping his own film, My Big Fat Independent Movie, becomes a Cult classic.

Too much tattoo goodness in the news this week, from movies to mummies to marketing madness.

When a Tattoo Turns to Terror! is the tag line I usually attribute to beer and body art binges over spring break, but it's actually the promo for the $3 million horror flick called The Tattooist, starring Roswell hottie Jason Behr. Behr plays a tattoo artist who gets into the art of Samoan tatau and consequently gets into trouble. Turns out that if Samoan tattoo traditions are not correctly followed, it leads to the release of angry spirits. So not only does Behr have to deal with clients bargaining over the price of tribals, he has to now battle a Samoan ghost. Filming starts next month in Auckland, New Zealand.

Question is, will The Tattooist have the massive hype preceding it like Snakes on a (mothafuckin) Plane? Will people start pissing off Polynesian ancestors to promote the film with Samoan body art like the Snakes Tattoo Guy? The dude is getting a lot of press for his tattoo of the movie logo. VH1's Best Week Ever blog interviewed him this week:

So surprising as the ladies just love hairy guys who seek their fame by bleeding for Hollywood marketers. Hot! Ya know, I really loved the Sound of Music but I considered that a Julie Andrews portrait tattoo might hamper my sex life, so I refrained. Blame Samuel L. Jackson for the lack of restraint in tattoo selections.

Think people! Ironic tattoos lose their humor pretty fast when you have to look at them every day. Already, finger mustache tattoos are so passé.

Team tattoos may show loyalty but at least be a bit choosy as to what you dedicate your skin to. An Omaha Beef "Beef Head" logo tattoo will not get you poon despite being a Rump Roaster.

And the beloved Chinese symbol tattoo ... even the US Secretary of State can't get it right and she went to Stanford. Stick to your native language.

At a minimum, your tattoo artist should know her ABCs and be potty trained. Six-year-old tattooers may make daddy proud; however, they should wait at least a decade before going pro.

Why should you give some thought to choosing your tattoo? Because they're meant to last a lifetime. And beyond. Sometimes 2,500 years beyond as in this case of the frozen mummy recently found in Mongolia with tattoos, blond hair and a kicky felt hat, all intact. Now, just imagine the discourse among archeologists when they discover Steve-O's tattoos millennia from now.


Tattoos can last more than a lifetime. Be careful what you choose.

Yes, tattoos may be removed by laser and the technology is getting better. Yet that doesn't excuse idiocy. This week, tattoo removal was part of the sentencing of a privileged blueblood son who beat two black women with a metal baton in a racial attack. He was also sentenced to visit the Holocaust Museum and the African Meeting House in Boston, but no jail time. I say keep the tattoo and send him to prison where his Nazi ink will mark him for some alternative justice--perhaps bitch time with a rather large member of the Black Guerrilla Family gang.

Tattoos speak to the life of the wearer. I prefer to know what kinda mothafuckin snakes I'm dealing with.

Marisa_DiMattia is a lawyer and editor of Needled.com, a blog on tattoo art and culture.

Magic Lantern is a series of thematic, experimental film events in Providence showing the work of independent filmmakers and animators. It is one example of a growing movement of film created and shown outside of the traditional theater format. For a little more of a glimpse into alternative and experimental cinema, possibly in your town, check out Flicker.

However, I'll leave the film commentary up to my fellow SG editor Chris_Gore; the reason why I'm drawing attention to this Rhode Island event is to showcase the amazing posters contributing filmmakers have created for the series. Browse the poster gallery online to see original works, screenprinted and sold at absurdly affordable prices ($12 ea + s/h) to fund future Magic Lantern events.


Photo Location: Artwork by Carrie Collier

There’s a film currently playing on the festival circuit that has audiences and critics talking. It’s a crime drama with the kind of disjointed narrative that is exactly like something Quentin Tarantino would have made, say in 1994. It has so impressed audiences, that it’s been rumored that Quentin himself was involved somehow. Speculation has it that QT either wrote, directed or was somehow involved in making the low budget indie Ten ‘Til Noon.

I procured a copy of the film on DVD because I had to see it for myself. Damn! This is inspired filmmaking that must be seen. Ten ‘Til Noon is Tarantino-esque in all the right ways, from the dialog, to the characters, to the intensity of the situations and especially when it comes to the story.

We meet Larry as he is rudely awakened from his slumber at, you guessed it, 11:50 AM or ten ‘til noon. A badass ebony assassin and his statuesque hottie sidekick mastermind a home invasion. The killers sit comfortably in Larry’s bedroom, as calm as can be. At gunpoint, Larry is told he’s about to die, but before that happens, he is belittled by stories of his cheating wife, who is, at this very moment, being plowed by her stud at a cheap motel. He can’t believe his world has been turned completely upside down in just an instant. Then, the gun goes off, blood mixed with chunks of human splatter the expensive painting on the wall and, well, no more Larry. That kind of brutal violence happens in these kinds of crime dramas.


Is Quentin Tarantino in bed with some low budget filmmakers?

We then meet Larry’s wife Becky as she is getting the plowing of her life by a young stud on the verge of letting… loose… any… second! She keeps him from blowing his load by screaming aloud images such as, oh, disgusting maggots and mom jeans. But he releases anyway. After their story plays out, we meet the guys on the surveillance team watching the two lovers on hidden video as they, uh, complete. I don’t want to give any more away, but what follows is the same ten minute period of time, from 11:50 AM to noon, played out as we discover how all the characters' lives intersect… and the way it ends, no one could have ever guessed.


Becky wants it bad.

Every once in a while a movie like this comes along that needs a champion, and I intend to tell everyone I know about this film, starting with the audience here on Suicide Girls. Ten ‘Til Noon is currently playing to amazed audiences on the festival circuit and garnering a ton of accolades. If you can catch it at a fest, I recommend you run to get tickets.


Is Quentin behind this indie?

As for the Tarantino rumor, one critic seriously wrote in his review that the film must have been made by QT himself under a pseudonym. Sorry folks, it’s not true. The film comes from the mind of one Scott Storm, which, up until now, almost no one but myself had ever heard of. Storm made a brilliant film called Burn that played the Slamdance Film Festival years ago and I was one of the lucky few who was able to see it. Due to some BS legal red tape, Burn never saw the light of day. Refusing to give up the dream, Storm went right back to it and has delivered a film worthy of your attention.


These guys spend the entire movie jerkin' around... if you know what I mean.

So, as you are being bombarded with the latest multiplex crap, or season seven of that show you used to like on DVD, or snakes in your pants, remember that many of the filmmakers you admire today came from low budget indies that played on the festival circuit. Bryan (Superman Returns) Singer and Kevin (Clerks saga) Smith and Christopher (Batman Begins) Nolan and Darren (The Fountain) Aronofsky and plenty more all have their roots in films made for less than $50,000 grand that toured festivals. They all broke big and you know their movies today because movie geeks like me went to see their films at festivals when, you know, they would return my phone calls. Now you can get into the cinema of Scott Storm early by seeing TTN, so check out the trailer, visit the web site, or make some friends with these guys on their MySpace page. Right now, they might have some time to write to you. But in the future, don't count on it.

So, don’t just mindlessly go to the movies, make a choice to see something that isn’t pre-sold, pre-packaged and over-marketed.

Gore gone!

Chris_Gore is an author, a filmmaker, the creator of Film Threat, and enjoys using baby wipes on things other than babies.

According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Ric Burns (filmmaker on the epic documentary series "New York: A Documentary Film", brother of Ken Burns) has worked on a forthcoming "American Masters" filmic biography of pop artist Andy Warhol to air on PBS in September.

Photo Location

Los Angelinos, tonight is your last chance to catch Jeffrey Hatfield and video artist, Cathy Begien in “Beat” at Angela Hanley Gallery. Seeking to bridge NY and LA talents, the gallery is run by artist/curator Allyson Spellacy and is situated in the sleek American Cement Building.



Allyson describes Jeffrey Hatfield’s new work on exhibit as:

...it's handwritten, on the walls...what more do you need to know.

If you’re not in the area, you can catch Cathy Begien’s work July 26-30 at the Lincoln Center Film Festival series, "Scanners: The 2006 New York Video Festival," featuring what’s new in new media (and a program about the hype around Hype Williams).

"Beat" @ The Angela Hanley Gallery, Friday, July 14, 8 p.m.