Yesterday was a great day for horrible people. Congratulations to the Republicans in Congress for stopping three major bills with filibusters. The bills would have helped soldiers, restored habeas corpus and given Washington DC representation. How terrible would that have been?

Lets start with how the Republicans just shoved their fists up our soldier’s anuses. Senator Jim Webb sponsored legislation that would have given our troops a break from the grueling tours that are taking a heavy toll.

Currently, soldiers are spending 15 months in combat with 12 months home. Wouldn’t want to ruin that fun for them. The Republicans are foolishly doing the bidding of the White House and rejecting sanity and reason. Quite simply, they are George’s bitches.

Stay loyal boys, it worked so well in the last election for you. At least Republicans can take solace in the fact that when our soldiers come home we will deny them their mental health benefits.

Next up on the Republican hate train, the filibuster of a bill to restore habeas corpus for "enemy combatants."

Can’t see how anything could go wrong with that system. Our president has shown himself to be an honorable man who would never cause anyone harm based on his own distorted beliefs. Currently, he only has to designate someone as an “enemy combatant” and then toss him in prison. Game over. It’s kind of like a medieval dungeon. I say that because habeas corpus was born in 1215. It only took 800 years for a president to come along and tell us that we’ve been wrong that whole time.

There used to be a worldwide belief that America was a nation of laws and people could not be “disappeared” by the government. People never imagined that America was a place where someone could be locked up without trial indefinitely. Those days are over. Nice to see Republicans have taken a page from Saddam Hussein and that they aren’t backing down. Yay!

And in their final stroke of being complete and utter douchebags, Republicans filibustered a bill that would have allowed a city of mostly black people, called Washington DC, to have a vote vote in Congress. So they get to enjoy taxation without representation! How fucking great is that? Did I mention the population is mostly black people?

Republicans actually claimed the bill was unconstitutional.

Yes! Apparently Republicans did not realize that stance made them astounding hypocritical douchebags, because they had just taken a steaming dump on the Constitution when they filibustered the habeas corpus bill. Oh, and the DC unconstitutional question was taken into account when the bill was written.

Woudn't want the experts in the Supreme Court to make that ruling.

But it’s not about the Constitution or the rule of law is it? It’s about the party and making sure their team wins. Whether that means they’re fucking over our soldiers or fucking over black people, it’s Republican first, American second. Right now the GOP cunts are on pace to triple the previous record of using the filibuster in the modern era. Meanwhile, they squeal about “nothing getting done.”

I don’t know what else to say, except “Suck it, you fucking demons.”

I’m going to ask you to try to remember the way things used to be many moons ago, in the year of our Lord two thousand and five. A different party was in control of our Congress. They were known as “The Republicans” and they wanted to do what was best for America. The evil “Democrats” stood in their way.

The Republicans began threatening to use the "Nuclear Option." Senator Trent Lott came up with the name Nuclear Option when discussing the possibility of the Republican majority voting to end the Democrats use of filibusters to stop judicial nominees. The Republicans also couldn’t stop using the phrase, “Let us have an up or down vote.” They were enraged that the minority party would use a legal tactic to stop Bush’s extremist nominees from reaching the bench. Bill Frist explained the injustice.

Oh, no, tyranny! Republicans said it was, “intolerable.” Democrats had used the filibuster to block 10 out of Bush’s 229 nominees! Those motherfuckers! Never mind that the number was far lower than under the previous three presidents. Republicans should get to do what ever the fuck they want!

Thankfully, the Gang of 14 solved the crisis. The gang was made up of seven moderate Republican and Democratic Senators. Together, they had enough votes to end the stand off and allow Samuel Alito to become the newest member of the Supreme Court. Basically, seven Democrats turned out to be pussies and now we have a Supreme Court that would get on its knees and blow corporations. (I mean, if corporations actually had cocks.)

But now, the tables have turned and the Democrats are in charge of Congress. So, how are the Republicans handling it? Are they giving “up or down votes” on legislation? They did scream about it for years, so surely they will stand behind their beliefs now, right? Shockingly, no. The Republicans are actually on track to be the most obstructionist minority in the history of Congress.

Cloture votes shut off extended debate and stop legislation from getting an up or down vote. Democrats would need 60 votes to overcome a filibuster, a number they can’t reach because of their slim majority. Basically, they’re fucked.

This means the Republicans have been able to stop Democrats from ending the Iraq war. They seem unconcerned that a solid majority of Americans want the war to end. Republicans have also blocked legislation on immigration, energy, labor rights and prescription drugs. Majority leader Harry Reid claims it is because Republicans have moved too far to the right.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell sees it another way. He just wants the Democrats to compromise, by bending over and allowing Republicans to shove their cocks inside them. (Or vaginas)

That is a great idea! Take a chance, Democrats and vote for the Nuclear Option.