Our media is pretty much a sad, dried up piece of dung. They sat idly by as the Bush Administration lied about intelligence and took us to war. Actually, they kind of gave Bush a wrap-around the while it was going on. They decided not to tell us about the Bush torture program for one whole year after it was uncovered. Their coverage of the current economic crisis has been woeful, to say the least. Those are just the big examples. The media is a shell of its former self and has basically become a national embarrassment. Nothing exemplifies how lame our media has become more than Liz Cheney.

Liz Cheney is the daughter of Dick Cheney. You may have possibly seen her spewing nonsense from her hate hole over the past couple of weeks because she has been invited on news program after news program to espouse torture and criticize President Obama. She is qualified, after all, because she was raised by a monster. And worst of all, she’s usually allowed to be the only guest, so her lying goes unchallenged, because our journalists are cowards and lack knowledge. Being the lone guest is considered a privilege and is reserved only for high officials and newsmakers, which she is not. She is someone’s daughter. The daughter of a man no one will defend. So, naturally, our media allows her to step up and defend dear old dad.

The media does not hold her feet over the fire and go after her father for his obvious war crimes. Instead, they allow her to go on the offensive against Obama and all things Democratic. The Cheney family plan is to attack as a defense. Our media’s complicity in this act is no different that their horrifying coverage leading up to the war. A wrong was committed, justice needs to be served and they are allowing the war criminal’s daughter to attack the president on our airwaves. A new low? It’s pretty pathetic.

The exciting thing about a democracy is that if our government won’t take the appropriate action, our media is supposed to step up and do their job. That then informs the masses and pressure is put upon the government and problems, like war criminals running about, are resolved. In this case, the war criminal’s daughter is the one running the narrative. How awesome is that?



Stick around, Pol Pot’s daughter chimes in after the break!

There’s nothing quite like the daughter of a war criminal accusing the current president of “hand-holding” terrorists and then watching as the “journalist” does not tear her a new asshole. Kudos. I’d like to note here that during Obama’s speech he backed up the use of troops in Afghanistan because terrorists are “determined to kill as many Americans as they possibly can,” and re-committed to destroying terror networks. He just didn’t throw down support for anally raping boys. Dear "Journalist" here's a possible follow up question:

Liz, you claim Obama is “hand-holding” terrorists, but while your father was in office, women and children were raped by interrogators. Are you saying Obama should continue with the rape?

Imagine. The. Answer.

And it’s not like this is an isolate incident. The woman has been all over the media. Just check out what she’s been up to since May 12th.

Embarrassing. There is no excuse for having the daughter of Dick Cheney on television. None. She’s worthless and a liar.

Oh, wait. Turns out there is an awesome reason.

She’s a great guest. It’s awesome when a guest can come on and lie about her daddy's involvement in the most important issues facing our country.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper. You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

One hundred. This is a milestone or something. A centenary of Asshole Fuckfacing. What better way to celebrate than with another horrible, horrible Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Put something on and get ready for some stuff.

First, some disgusting pro-some life Asshole Fuckfacery.

Our religious zealots have a lot of explaining to do this week. Not just for the murder they committed, but also for their reaction to the murder. On Sunday, anti-abortion lunatic and American terrorist Scott P. Roeder shot and killed Dr. George Tiller. Tiller was one of the few doctors in America willing to provide 2nd and 3rd term abortions.

Oh, good, the gunman did it in church, in front of God and probably a bunch of children. I was worried this might be really creepy. Roeder is a terrorist, plain and simple. In the past, he was caught with explosives.

He is a member of the American Taliban.

Jesus Fail.

Roeder should be waterboarded in order to get information out of him about other American terrorists. Since that is what we do to terrorists, we should get on it pronto (and take photographs -- so we can destroy them later after leaking some to the press). Also, we might want to start putting these type of citizens on a list of possible terrorists. They certainly should be placed on the “no fly list.”

These ones have all put their names next to their Twitter updates, so they should be easy to identify.

Terrorist sympathizers, every single one. They support the Dr. Killer killer, so let’s put them on the “no fly list” and waterboard them for info. Let’s get to it. Now. Please. Thanks.

Next up, some office hi-jinks Asshole Fuckfacery.

Sometimes it’s hard not to take a little something from the workplace. Stapler at home broken? Why that one on your desk seems nice. How about those files? Really could use a couple for the cabinet at home? Pens? Want and need. Or maybe you need a foot.

Hey, when you need a foot, you need a foot. There's no getting around that.

No. But he didn’t need it, right? He’s got another one.

First question: Why can’t that be Adam Lambert? Second question: What the fuck?

Yeah, I’d believe that if you hadn’t taken HIS FOOT.

No, it doesn’t. She took a dude’s FOOT.

Next up, a lunatic lying Asshole Fuckface.

Dick Cheney is obviously the worst human being America has produced this century. Not only is he a crazy torture fanboy, but he also enjoys lying out of his ass constantly. This week, former Bush I and Clinton counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke criticized Cheney for using 9/11 to justify his torture nonsense. Cheney no likey.

Um. Dude.

Other than that, and telling Condi Rice Al Qaeda would be the Bush Administration’s biggest problem, yeah, you totally nailed it. Many politicians seem to forget that videotape exists that undermines their current positions, but Dick Cheney seems to forget that print exists. He still hasn’t wrapped his little brain around the existence of the written word.

Finally, some visual WTF Asshole Fuckfacery.



Totally not gay. You know who would have loved this? George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Andy Kaufman, Lenny Bruce, Johnny Carson. They were all about their sweet, sweet bodies. Anyone who knows anything knows a comedian isn’t good until he can pose in Entertainment Weekly straining his oiled up abs so hard his capillaries might burst.

I remember when comedians were the guys who were tormented by the hypocrisy, unfairness and insanity they saw in society and were driven to point it out. Now, it’s all about abs.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Welcome to the Asshole Fuckface Roundup. We do this shit here weekly. We have to. If we didn’t, the world’s Asshole Fuckfaces would be sauntering about without a care in the world. So, here we are, pointing out all the Rafa Benitez’s and Michele Bachmann’s of the world for you to mock and hate. This week has been so chalk full o’ Fuckfaces it was hard to pick four. But I did. And I now present them to you.

First up, some good old GOP Southern Asshole Fuckfacery.

Going into politics is sometimes hard because you are quickly forced to realize that most people don’t enjoy your racist or anti-Semitic language. Take Arkansas state senator Kim Hendren who, besides having the same first name as one of the girls on The Facts of Life, also was bitten by the stereotypical Southern idiot bug.

Totally. What he was trying to say is that even the evil Jew has moral standards. Or, no, wait; maybe he was just trying to remember his name.

RIght. Could either have been “Jew” or “Jewish.” Not really sure, but it was totally relevant to the discussion of traditional values and foreign policy.

I understand. Sometimes I call them “negroes,” but it’s not derogatory because I often agree with Charles Barkley.

Next up, some hall of fame Asshole Fuckfaces are worse than imagined.

Donny Rumsfeld is one of the all time great Asshole Fuckfaces. His epic Iraq War failure is one of the great military blunders of all time. Thankfully, his acts of horror continue to be revealed, so that we may continue to throw up in buckets. This week GQ published an article that is, simply astounding.

Let’s start with the cover sheets Rummy used for the intelligence updates he gave to Bush. Each cover sheet included a nice photo of American soldiers or Saddam Hussein and a wonderful biblical quote. That way, Bush would continue to think he was fighting a holy war.

I’m surprise they didn’t do some Crusade re-enactments on the back lawn. Sadly, that little tidbit of horror was not the worst information revealed in the article. Rummy also helped to kill Americans with his response to Katrina.

Good call. Also, Shepard Smith is crying like a baby on Fox because of all the horror he's looking at.

Um. Maybe you haven’t noticed Mr. President, but a lot of those people are black. You know what I’m saying, right?

Rumsfeld held off on sending troops for 7 days. Anything happen over those seven days? Can anyone recall anything?

Next up, some awesome Asshole Fuckface parenting.

Sometimes, as a parent, you face a super hard choice between your beliefs and letting your young son live. Just ask Colleen Hauser of Minnesota. She believes in the natural healing methods of an American Indian religious group called the Nemenhah Band. Unfortunately, her 13-year-old son came down with Hodgkins lymphoma –- a curable form of cancer. By “curable” I mean with chemo and radiation, not this:

I don’t know how you could go wrong by treating cancer with info from the Internet. Hell, you idiots here at SuicideGirls have probably cured many different types of cancer on the message boards. Unfortunately, the law stepped in and last week, a judge ruled that Hauser was neglecting her son. She took him to one chemo treatment, and then bailed.

On the run with a boy who has cancer! She’s like Dillinger, except instead of a gun, she has a young boy – with cancer. Police have several leads and she appears to be an idiot, so by the time this is posted, I expect her to be caught.

And finally, check out this criminal Asshole Fuckface.



Bragging and justifying war crimes is sort of sickening. But even worse, the fact that Obama appears to have no problem allowing this walking piece of shit to cross the country, bragging about his war crimes for all to hear, is beyond the pale. According to Obama and his spokesman Gibbs, we need to look towards the future, not the past, regardless of how blatant and disturbing the war crime. That’s an impressive stance to take, Mr. Constitutional lawyer and Asshole Fuckface. Why not just allow police to waterboard? How about we set up a waterboarding room in every FBI office? Let’s go.

At this point, Cheney is taunting and daring Obama and/or Congress to do something. Don't hold your breath.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

It really is difficult to pick the best war criminal in the White House. And make no mistake about it; several members of Bush’s cabinet are war criminals. Last week, ABC broke the story of their torture discussions and Bush backed the story up a couple of days later. If you don’t think they are war criminals, then you are a fucking idiot.

Nice work, peeps. You are officially no better than the Japanese during WWII, some of who we prosecuted for waterboarding.

Back in the '60s, we still seemed to think it was a bad thing.

Now, it is apparently different here in the good old USA. We have tossed our laws out the door and are having a torture party. Of course, the international community is not as retarded and villainous as the Bush Administration, and they still classify waterboarding as torture.

Shit, even crazy John McCain calls waterboarding a war crime.

The ABC News revelation of torture meetings in the White House is disturbing. Sure, we all knew they did it, but now it has been confirmed. And here are your war criminals!

Vice President Cheney,
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
Former Secretary of State Colin Powell
Former CIA Director George Tenet
Former Attorney General John Ashcroft

They used to gather at the White House and sit around listening to stories from the CIA about how they were going to torture people. And not just once in a while – they heard about EVERY SINGLE PERSON TORTURED.

You’d think these morons would have done everything they could to keep themselves out of the loop. Apparently they are actually dumber than I suspected. The CIA covered its ass and had these idiots sign off on every torture. Nice work.

Only Johnny Ashcroft was said to have been concerned about the blatant stupidity - which is pretty amazing considering how stupid he is.

So, it’s legal, but it shouldn’t be talked about in the White House. Got it.

Now, one would expect our president to deny these accusations, right?
No. And why should he? Our press certainly won’t follow up – not when Obama is running around using the word “Bitter.”

Uh. What? Did you just…? Um. Man, I wish somebody cared, because you just threw yourself under the bus. Add one to the War Criminals list.

But, nobody cares. It’s just a few war crimes. Take a look at this sweet AP headline about the horrifying revelations.

“Harsh?” Seriously? "Harsh" is when you tell someone to fuck off. Pouring water into someone's mouth so their brain thinks they are drowning is "heinous." Wait, I want to write headlines for the AP.

Currently, the way things stand here in the US, if Congress does not forbid specific torture techniques as illegal, then they are totally legal. That’s how we are doing things. The Bush Administration claims that “severe mental or physical pain or suffering” is too broad.

They are just ignoring the fact that we prosecuted Japanese, our own soldiers and that Nazis were prosecuted by Norway for waterboarding. It is settled law. Hell, they are giving the finger to the Geneva Conventions.

We just don’t give a shit. Congress even amended the War Crimes Act, retroactively, to make sure those who committed war crimes would not be prosecuted. The Abu Ghraib scandal broke in early 2004. Any idiot breathing knows that was approved at the highest level, but we still re-elected Bush in 2004. The abuses of people at Guantanamo are well known to most. And the vast majority of people tortured in those two prisons are innocent.

Certainly nothing will happen in this country, but I wouldn’t write off the rest of the world. Augusto Pinochet was arrested in the UK in 1988 for war crimes in Chile. Our very own Henry Kissinger is wanted for questioning in France, Brazil, Chile, Spain, and Argentina because of Operation Condor. The people we have tortured in prisons have come from all over the world; they are citizens of many countries – all of whom can now attempt to prosecute these idiots for war crimes. Hopefully the number of countries Dick Cheney and his buddies can visit in the future are very limited.

First of all, happy fucking birthday, Iraq War. You’ve had a rough couple of years and only the retarded seem to like you. You drew the short stick. I actually kind of hate you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give you a special big 5 Asshole Fuckface birthday roundup!

This Iraq edition of the Asshole Fuckface Roundup will probably not be as funny as previous Roundups, mostly because of all the dead people. Sometimes dead people are funny, like when four people barbeque and eat another dude. That is inherently hilarious. But when a lady straps on a suicide bomb vest and blows herself up, taking 40 people with her – not so funny. In researching this Asshole Fuckface Roundup I discovered that Iraq is in far worse shape than I thought it was, which is pretty disturbing.

Let’s kick this fucker off with one of the Asshole Fuckfaces who came up with the “let’s invade Iraq” idea way back in 1993, then executed it 10 years later: Dick “I’m the worst human alive” Cheney. Dick has been making the rounds this week to celebrate Iraq's B-day. Whenever Dick speaks a small part of me dies. Last week, a segment of my colon perished when he tossed out this gem.



Oh, sweet pile of shit. Let's see if that looks better when it's written.

Not so much. Two things, Dick. First, could you not smirk like an over the top Batman villain? Thanks. Second, there have not been “fluctuations” for over a year, monster. The American peeps have been against this shit for a long, long time – mostly because they aren’t retarded. See, a while ago, the American people stepped back and realized what happened. The Bush administration put a pile of dog shit in a paper bag, placed it on America's doorstep, set it on fire and rang their doorbell. America opened the door and stepped on the bag to put the fire out. Then they realized there was shit on their feet. Cheney and Bush keep trying to light the bag on fire. We’re upstairs cleaning off our shoes.

The great thing about Dick Cheney is when you let him out of his Hannibal Lecter restraints and face mask, the bastard really lets loose. He wasn't done with just his “so?” comment.

9/11? Really? Seriously, when your heart finally stops (of natural causes) I am going to throw a party. I am going to throw a “Dick Cheney is dead” party and invite people. We are going to drink to your lack of life and probably have some cake. Sadly, there is a 77% chance that Dick Cheney will not die, but rather, shed his human skin, revealing his true demonic form, and then open the Hellmouth. We'll worry about that when the time comes.

Dick Cheney and George Bush are the ultimate Asshole Fuckfaces, playing a giant game or Risk (and losing) with actual people’s lives. People they could give a flying fuck about. Like this Iraqi, who is a blogger – and one of the last. Most Iraqi bloggers have left or been killed. He celebrated the fifth year anniversary by blogging about when it all went south.

Check out his hood. Looks awesome!



It only takes a few Asshole Fuckfaces to destroy a city. The first Asshole Fuckface was Saddam. Then came Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld. Now the place is a hellhole because of religious fanatic Asshole Fuckfaces.



They live a daily nightmare in a city that has been separated by walls. Religious Asshole Fuckfaces scurry about, killing and maiming those trying to live a normal life. Two weeks ago, Iraqis experienced another one of hundreds of mini 9/11s since the US invaded. Asshole Fuckfaces in Baghdad blew up two bombs, killing 54 people and injuring 100.

At some point, one apparently becomes too tired to see dead people. Hatam had reached his limit. Must have been a nice walk out of the bomb site.

Notice you don’t hear the Republican hordes of Asshole Fuckfaces telling us the Iraqis are now better off than they were under Saddam -- because they obviously are not. They are living in American created misery and now a few are living in it without legs. Of course, they are not dead, like so many, who were killed by Asshole Fuckfaces and buried out in the desert in unmarked graves.



Things aren’t exactly roses here on the American side, either. The cost of this war is disgustingly high – which is the exact opposite of what we were told before the invasion, by our Asshole Fuckface leaders.

How’d that work out? Maybe they meant to say “a day” at the end of that estimate.

Oh, cool. I was worried about $4 trillion. $1 trillion is a lot closer to the original price tag of $60 billion, right? I’ve never seen numbers before, so this sounds great.

Finally, we have lost nearly 4,000 soldiers in Iraq. Think about that number, then go back up to the top of this article and watch the video of Cheney smirking. When you're watching Cheney, also think about his 5 deferments during the Vietnam War. That is the smirk of a coward. Then come back down and read about guys like Army Staff Sgt. Ernesto Guadalupe Cimarrusti. He died on March 10th, killed by a roadside bomb, that was planted by Asshole Fuckfaces.

As much as I think he shouldn’t have re-enlisted, at least Ernesto died doing something he believed in. Doesn’t really matter if I think it was a waste of a life, if he felt differently.

Either way, there are now almost 4,000 Ernestos because a group of Asshole Fuckfaces in the White House didn’t know what in the fuck they were doing. We have now created a training ground for terrorists, destabilized the most important real estate on Earth and have no way out.

Iraqis killed - 1 million and counting.
US soldiers killed - 3,993 and counting.
US soldiers wounded - Nobody knows because the Department of Defense are lying Asshole Fuckfaces.

Oh, and George Bush's actions have led to far more civilian deaths than under Saddam Hussien. George is the all time leading Iraqi Asshole Fuckface. Congrats.

I know, I know. There is no reason to impeach the president. It would be so bad for Democrats, the nation would be split and blah, blah, blah. Never mind that every day we seem to get more information about an insanely out of control White House. Like last week, when former White House press secretary Scott McClellan made a little boo boo.

Uh oh! That would be illegal. Turns out you can’t lie to federal investigators, and if this statement is true, then that is exactly what Bush did. When Patrick Fitzgerald was investigating the Plame leak, he questioned Bush. George
explained that he had directed Cheney to counter allegations made by Joe Wilson that the White House had lied about Iraq trying to acquire uranium. Bush also said he gave the order to disclose, “Highly classified information” that would “discredit Wilson.”

McClellan’s statement would mean that Bush LIED to Fitzgerald. Martha Stewart went to jail for lying to federal investigators, because it is a FUCKING CRIME. An ex-White House press secretary just said that he “knowingly passed along false information” in order to confuse investigators. Here’s another example of someone committing the same crime: SCOOTER FUCKING LIBBY. Libby was charged with two counts of making false statements when interviewed by agents of the FBI and one count of obstruction of justice – for covering up the same thing that Bush did. Holy shit! Now lets all sit on our ass!

Naturally, our wonderful media yawned and took a nap. I mean, shit, what is there to write about? The president was only just implicated in a crime. Although it’s not the first time someone has given us information that the president was involved. The first piece of evidence came from a guy named Dick Cheney in the form of a certain note he scribbled one day that was presented during Scooter Libby’s trial:

So, during Scooter Libby’s trial we learned this and now McClellan has backed it up with a statement. Is it conclusive? No. Should Congress open an impeachment investigation? Fuck yes.

McClellan, of course, retracted his statement.

Looks like someone got a few phone calls from people yelling, “You asshole, you just claimed the president committed a crime!”

Judges and lawyers take notice of public statements because they often turn out to be true. It’s the one that comes later, when you say, “But, but, I meant something else,” that is the lie. And in this case, the statement is corroborated by actual evidence presented during a trial. And what happened to that trial anyway?

Oh, right, a pardon. For a guy who could have avoided jail by squealing on…the president. Well, now, that is a big fucking crime, isn’t it?

But, I know, an impeachment investigation would be bad for Democrats. And that is really the greater good, isn’t it? Not the rule of law, but the rule of party.

Dick Cheney’s life is awesome. He gets to shoot people in the face, use false evidence to convince the president to going to war and his lesbian daughter just had a miracle baby. And now Dick is totally ignoring the rules of our Democracy and doing his own thing. The country of the Vice President has decided it is not “an entity of within the executive branch.” This means Cheney is exempted from government wide procedures for safeguarding classified national security information. What a lucky break!

President Bush issued an executive order, which requires federal agencies and White House offices to report to the National Archives on what steps they are taking to protect classified information. The National Archives are supposed to conduct inspections to make sure everyone is in compliance with the order. Except for Dick, who thinks he can do whatever he wants. Not since the trailer for The Transformers was released has something so horrible been done to our country.

The National Archive office attempted to schedule an inspection of Cheney’s office in 2004. The Vice President’s office completely ignored the request. In 2006, Cheney’s office claimed that Bush’s executive order

Uh, okay. Why is that? You get paid a salary by the American people and have the title of Vice President. That’s Vice President of America, not Vice President of the Vice President’s Office.

National Archives then sent two more letters, which were also ignored. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez was then contacted by the National Archives and asked to offer up his opinion on whether Cheney was covered by the executive order. Cheney then tried to get the President to change the executive order so his office would be exempt. He also tried to have the office within the National Archives that conducts the inspections completely eliminated. How dirty do you have to be to try to eliminate the office that oversees the protection of classified information?

Representative Henry Waxman, the chairman of the government oversight committee, is not pleased. Yesterday, Waxman released a series of letters sent from the Oversight Committee to Cheney. Waxman does not hold back.

He is, of course, talking about Valerie Plame. Cheney’s sudden refusal to allow the National Archives access to his office is coincidentally right when the outing of the CIA agent came to light. And we shouldn’t forget that Scooter Libby has been convicted of obstruction of justice during the Plame investigation.

He is a very, very dirty Dick. At some point, he will go down, whether it is while he is in office or when he gets out. But he is getting closer and closer to impeachment.

Everybody’s favorite worst ex-mayor of Cleveland is fighting mad at the vice president and plans to file articles of impeachment. It is being billed as Clash of the Extremists: Kucinich v. Cheney. On one side a new age hippy, on the other, pure evil.

Dennis Kucinich sent a letter to his fellow Democratic House members stating he will seek impeachment, but did not specify exactly what actions Cheney would be impeached for. One possibility is that Cheney illegally invaded The Shire, or maybe because the Vice President has outlawed second breakfast. Either way, this should be fun to watch.

Congress has the authority to impeach the president, vice president and “all civil Officers of the United States” for “treason, bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

But there appears to be little backing for Kucinich’s latest attempt to get attention.

I wouldn’t fuck with Darth Vader, Godzilla or Dick Cheney. They are all that scary.

Normally student protests against the Bush administration would be about as noteworthy as a soy bean crop report. But when the school’s undergraduate population is predominantly Republican and possibly the biggest collection of squares on planet earth, it’s, well, hilarious.

Mormon factory Brigham Young University invited Dick Cheney to be their commencement speaker, and when word got out, a mess of students and alumni got their magic underwear all in a bunch. Using the harshest language available, students assailed Cheney as a “morally dubious man," whose presence could challenge “the morality and integrity” of the school.

The school isn’t backing down, and the students have taken their message to the streets. And judging from news reports, they’ve done so with extreme, unwarranted politeness and prim attitudes.

I love the picture of the protesting students in this article. First, you have the twerp in the tie holding the too long anti-Cheney sign, indicating that unlike protests on other college campuses, there were no legalize weed pamphlets or drum circles. Then you’ve got homeboy’s “Cheney is killing our Troops” sign, with a perfectly placed white spot on the second “o” in “troops” that had me thinking it was a “u.” For a second, the sign was a letter “e” away from a 30 Rock Gag.

But the best is the small sign held near the center of the picture, which reads “Cheney said to Senator Leahy… Go ___ yourself.” The expletive (which is, incidentally, “fuck”) is covered by a small sign that I think says “inappropriate.” As the article states, the students were object not only by the Vice President’s policies, but also by his character; they’re appalled that Cheney used a cuss word on the Senate floor. Three years ago.

Evidently, for these Mormon students, a single swear word is the most troubling aspects of Cheney’s seven years as Vice President, outracing the Iraq war or even that whole shooting a guy in the face thing.

Time to start you betting pools. When does “Scooter” Libby get a pardon from George W. Bush? It’s the important question to ask today because Scooter was just convicted of 4 of 5 counts in his perjury and obstruction of justice trial.

Libby was convicted of:

Scooter was cleared on another count of making a false statement. The maximum sentence is 25 years in prison and a fine of $1 million.

What a fucking shame.

According to reporters, Fitzgerald has wrapped up the case and there will be no further prosecutions. Some had speculated the prosecutor would be going after Cheney next because Fitzgerald said, “there is a dark cloud over the Vice President” in his closing argument. But, it's not going to happen.

So, enjoy this brief period of justice and get ready for a pardon!

Dick Cheney must be mighty proud of his son-in-law, Philip Perry. He has become quite successful at doing horrible things that make America less safe and companies more money. This month’s issue of Washington Monthly covers the devious deeds of Dick’s protégé.

Perry left his powerful law firm in 2000 to become part of Dick’s transition team, eventually becoming the third-highest ranking official in the Justice Department. He went on to serve as General Counsel to White House Office of Management and Budget.

By then 9/11 had happened and Perry was in a great position to make Americans less safe and companies more rich. When the EPA wanted to regulate security at chemical industry facilities, Perry was able to use his position to block the move.

Thank you for that, Philip. I drink Raid, so I’ll be okay.

Now that his good deeds were done, Perry returned to his lucrative law firm in 2003, where he represented a major chemical industry trade group. I love a reciprocal relationship. He stayed on for two years but then the government came calling again.

Perry took a job with the Department of Homeland Security as General Counsel. Yeah! The DHS quickly got to work under Perry and granted itself the power to set aside state laws, which decreased the level of security required for chemical facilities. Of course, nothing in the Homeland Security law grants the DHS such power, but what the fuck, it’s fun!

A Congressional staff member has a delightful description of Perry:

Sadly, in January, Perry has announced he will be leaving DHS. But he has done incredible work, successfully blocking every attempt made by a federal agency and Congress to provide reasonable security to chemical plants, storage tanks and rail cars.

Godspeed, Philip, and may you never live downwind of a chemical plant.

Vice President Dick Cheney made a rare apperance on Meet the Press yesterday, and was asked some questions that were a little more uncomfortable than he's probably used to at the GOP circle jerks where he normally speaks. In his inimitable style he flat out refused to acknowledge some of the more pointed ones, like why the US had focused on Iraq while North Korea assembled its nuclear arsenal unmolested. But he offered a rare reversal on some of his earlier stances in Iraq, suggesting that even the people making the Kool-Aid are aware, to some extent, of what's actually happening on the ground in Iraq.

Which is about as close to an apology as one can ever hope to get from the man.

Cheney still pushed on the old, tired point trying to make the connection between Iraq and the "war on terror" though, despite his own party's refutation of that faulty premise.

Which of course is nonsensical. The "big pile of cash" would have depended on oil prices rising to their current highs (which have slightly dropped in recent weeks, but are still about twice what they were before the Iraq war) in the absence of any Iraq invasion, which of course is ludicrous. Chinese demand has increased, bumping up prices, but nothing like how the total destabilization of the Middle East caused by the Iraq war has. And any "taking down of sanctions" would have to have been approved by the UN Security Council, on which the US has a permanent seat, so Cheney is in effect saying that if he hadn't decided to invade Iraq his administration would have given the go-ahead to remove trade restrictions on Hussein's regime.

Cheney also couldn't resist the opportunity to pat himself on the back concerning his efforts in the battle against al-Qaeda.

So by that logic, since there were no domestic attacks by al-Qaeda at all during both terms of the Clinton administration, can we safely say that Bill Clinton was much better at prosecuting the war on terror than Bush and Cheney have been?

And lest we forget that al-Qaeda and other terrorists haven't exactly been inactive since 9/11. There were the Bali Bombings, the London attacks and the Madrid train explosions (now thought to have been the result of the activities of a different, radical Islamist group), not to mention the ongoing violence in both Afghanistan and Iraq tied to some of these terrorist organizations. Or the Tamil Tigers in Sri Lanka, or the back and forth blows between Israel, Hamas and Hezbollah. But I guess it's OK if terrorism happens in other countries, even if they're US allies, so long as there aren't any more attacks on the US itself. Heckuva job there Dick.

We salute you with words, you crazy ass hurricane.

Update! Bush still worried about Trent's house.

Thank you for leading us through a tough time. I hope Trent's house is okay.