Some Things Just Aren't Worth Crashing a Plane For
In the interests of full disclosure I will say that I know absolutely nothing about air shows. All information regarding air shows is culled from a hazy memory of an air show I attended at the age of 11. Thank you.
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So, this happened over the weekend.
WARSAW, Poland (AP) Two small planes collided during an acrobatic display at an air show in Poland on Saturday, killing both pilots, authorities said.
Footage of the crash is available here.
Is it not enough that we've mastered flight? That we, as a non-flying species, were able to build a bird from metal and wire, to do our bidding, and use it to fly across the country... We can't stop there? We just have to twirl around and do flips and spew red, white and blue smoke for the amusement of some yokel cramming pie into his yap. (Or, as it was in Poland, perhaps only red and white smoke, and whatever passes for pie in Poland.)
I'd have no problem with the high risk involved if the end result were worth it. You know, if the actual show resembled the crash more than whatever was supposed to happen. And maybe back in the '50s (again, I have no idea when air shows came into vogue, and I don't care enough to look it up. While I'm also not sure when exactly they went out of vogue, I can tell you that it was sometime prior to Saturday.) when your only other option was catching frogs and trading marbles, it might've looked pretty exciting, but, we've moved on.
Haven't we, as a society, outgrown the need for air shows as entertainment? Is this something anyone out there is clamoring to see? If "see an air show" is on your to-do list that list also contains:
-ride in firetruck
-pet elephant
-turn 6
All things one only needs to do once, if that. There are better things to look at... Like everything.
I think there's comes a time in the life of any form of entertainment where we have to assess whether or not the negatives outweigh the entertainment value we get from the event. I think two deaths sounds about right for getting rid of the air show. I would've been happy to discontinue it at "strained neck."
Q: How many Polocks does it take to ruin an air show?
A: It was already ruined... it's a fucking air show.
TheCoolerKing is fairly certain he ripped off the "turn 6" joke from one of his previous articles. He's fine with that.
There's No Wrong Way to Crash a Segway
The Segway... It's like they secretly built a machine to let us laugh at the rich and idle.
"Sure... it's going to revolutionize transportation. That's right! It, uh, uses very little energy! It's going to replace the car... And only rich people like you can afford its expensive price. Just pay the man and step right up onto this goofy-looking machine!"
It's hard to say why the world had such grand hopes, it's not like the pogo-stick or the "stuffed horsy-head on a broomstick," changed our lives.
Until now, the Segway's biggest claim to fame was guest starring on "Arrested Development."
SANTA MONICA, Calif. - Piers Morgan may be a great judge of talent, but clearly, riding a Segway is not one of his own.
The Americas Got Talent judge broke several ribs this weekend in a Segway accident, and may not be able to appear on Tuesday night's season finale.
As first reported by The NY Posts Michael Starr, Morgan was riding the Segway on the Santa Monica Pier, when he accelerated too quickly and hit a curb.
I'm laughing as I type this. I don't know who you are, Piers, but I guarantee this is the hardest you'll ever make me laugh. Thank you for lightening my day with your stupid rich guy injury.
An NBC show publicist confirmed the news to Access Hollywood.
Somebody actually had to make this call. And someone else had to answer the question. Awesome. Picture two people hanging up and then laughing in rapid succession.
I broke two, possibly three ribs and Im in quite a bit of pain, Morgan reportedly told Starr yesterday. Its still kind of up in the air (if Ill appear on the finale) but Im going to try to do my best to be a part of it.
Still funny...
Now, no footage of the accident exists, but I'd like to believe it looked a little like this:
Or this:
Or this, which, unfortunately, comes with douche-commentary:
Finally:
TheCoolerKing rode a Segway once, without incident.
Actress's Ass Responsible for Helicopter Crash?
The view of a scrawny broad in a bikini doesnt seem reason enough to ruin your career, but apparently thats all it takes for one Marine crew. The flight crew faced questioning after crashing their helicopter while in search of some ass. The helicopters occupants flew a bit too low attempting to see Kate Hudson in a bikini when they lost control. The actress said she was filming a scene for her horrific new movie, You, Me, & Dupree, when she heard the copter crashing just a few yards away.
"We heard this huge crash. A sort of huge plywood thing came falling on to my car from a rooftop. Then the cops were there and the Marines were there and I'm in this outfit. I realised what I was wearing and I said, 'I'm sorry, can someone get me a robe?'"
I hope it was worth it. I wouldnt risk crossing the street to see her bony ass, but thats just me.
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