Much like the streets of London after sundown, some fashions are best enjoyed dark, foggy, a bit romantic and utterly dramatic. Like many of you darlings, some of my favorite movies growing up were Tim Burton films. I love dramatic clothes, and let me tell you -- after watching Beetlejuice I was convinced that someday I'd have huge hair, wear exceeding amounts of dark eyeshadow and own a huge red tulle confection of a dress. Hey, I'm halfway there! For me, the best part of Burton's films have always been the wonderfully extraordinary costumes and styling... and what could possibly be better for his medium than romantic fashion and murder with unorthodox weapons?

I can't speak for everyone, but if I had to guess I'd say it's been much too long since we've seen Johnny Depp well-dressed, pale-faced and wild-haired. Too long has he been tan, dreadlocked and filthy, stumbling drunkenly around decks. While there may never be another Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton and long-time colleague/costume designer Colleen Atwood bring back the hotness with some top-notch, Victorian-inspired costuming in Sweeney Todd.




Johnny Depp as Sweeney Todd

Dressing wasn't too easy for the Victorians. While some of you today bemoan the necessity of underpants, even the poorest men back in the 1840s had to concern themselves with things like flannel undershirts, not to mentions neckerchiefs and hats.




Alan Rickman as Judge Turpin

It could be said that they really knew their layering. Men knew how to suffer for their style, too; right up until Sweeney Todd's times they wore stiffly starched collars up and the [slightly more gentle] folded tips you see here were just coming into fashion.




Sacha Baron Cohen as Signor Adolfo Pirelli

Though, overall, menswear in the Victorian times only became interesting for the rich. They could indulge in things like pocket watches, silk ties, canes with secret compartments and revolvers... while the working class was stuck with cotton shirts and straight-razors.




Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett

The costumes here are, without a doubt, more Burton than Victoria, but would anyone be quite as excited about seeing the gorgeous Helena Bonham Carter in a plain cotton dress and apron instead of her sexy, black corset-bodice and tulle ruffles? Tim Burton's films are above all fantasy, and the clothing looks as stylized as the pale and shadow-eyed actors themselves. Victorian accuracy can relax a bit and let pinstriped pants and big hair take over this Christmas, when Sweeney Todd comes out in theaters.

Are you a girl? Is it Halloween? Be a sexy 1900s steel conglomerate tycoon!

Or maybe a sexy anorexic? Sexy institutionalized mental patient? Sexy convict--in traditional stripes or modern orange?

Or, I know! A sexy lady bug! Perhaps a sexy bumble bee? A sexy gardener! (I swear I *made that one up*, Googled it, and voila.)

Sexy girl scout! Sexy tin man! (Think I'm joking? Click that link.)

My favorite, though, has to be the sexy clown. I can see where one might be tempted by that, if only because it's so fucking revolting that it might just kill the whole "sexy costume" thing dead.

There's nothing wrong with the odd sexy costume, mind. Elvira's been around forever, and everyone likes the vampires. The unitard-wearing cat costume is timeless. But look what's happened to the cat now. Subtlety, people!

Sure, I myself once went to a party as a vampire victim, which involved a white cotton gown, red lipliner bite mark, and a candleholder--'twas sexy, though I admit the primary impulse there was "I already own all these things." And it wasn't basically a lycra mini dress, with or without a foofy tutu of some sort attached.

But jeez louise, enough is enough. I realize I am going to sound like the most prudish mom ever with what I am about to say. Too bad. I keep getting these costume catalogs in the mail, and all the little girl costumes--every single one--has a short skirt on it and is some sexy girled-up version of something or other--fairy, pirate, princess, etc. Oh sure, the catalog copy calls them "cute" but we know that "cute" is often (as in this case) a euphemism for "sexy, on a little kid."

And the boys aren't a whole lot better off. All they get is the oh-so he man stuff. Cop, yawn; firefighter, yawn. Pirate, superhero, astronaut, yawn. Luke Skywalker, Buzz Lightyear, ninja. Yawn.

About the only costumes that aren't revoltingly gendered are the Harry Potter ones. But really, would it be so strange to have a girl dress as a (non-anorexic) skeleton? Or a boy as a clown? Are girls allowed to be Spiderman, or boys to be cheerleaders? Aren't monsters and magical creatures supposed to come in, you know, both sexes?

Bah. The point of the carnival should be to invert conventional expectations, not to dial them up to eleven.

Bitch_PhD is proud to report that her son wants to be a ghost this year. In the traditional sheet-with-eyeholes.