Coca-Cola Plans to Conserve Water
Theres something slightly weird about the idea of Coca-Cola conserving water. Like if KFC "went humane" and decided to conserve chickens. How do you cut back on your number one ingredient?
It seems when Coca-Cola manufactures Coke, Sprite and former Nazi super-soda Fanta, they use 2.5 liters of water per liter of soda. Multiply that by however many millions of liters we all suck down each year and thats a good amount of H2O. But heres the kicker: in addition to the comparatively paltry amount used in the physical production, another 175 to 250 liters of water is needed to grow the sugar that goes into just one liter of soda-pop. Fuck. Jason Clay, a World Wildlife Foundation researcher, put it simply:
They really need to get a handle on sugar.
To offset the mass consumption of water, Coke has vowed to fund a $20 million water conservation project with the World Wildlife Foundation with the aim of protecting and conserving seven major rivers around the world. The CEO of Coca-Cola, E. Neville Isdell, said today at a news conference:
Essentially the pledge is to return every, every drop we use back to nature. If the communities around ... our bottling plants do not flourish and are not sustainable, our business will not be sustainable in the future.
I wont argue with their impregnable corporate logic, but Im left wondering if this isnt all a complex ploy to trick our environmental-friendly minds into switching to (sugarless) Coke Zero for some fiendish but-as-yet-unknown reason. World domination, perhaps? Aspartame induced sterility ala Children of Men? Go ahead, world
surrender your will and your dollar to the no-carb taste sensation, after all, Coke does make some cute commercials:
Aaron Lariviere secretly wishes the world had more diabolical plots so that he could discover one on his own, and stop pulling them out of his ass.
Snot Frosting: Cocaine Threatens Another Comeback
A man by the name of Rick James (may he rest in peace) once said on the Dave Chapelle Show, "Cocaine is a hell of a drug!" But then again, he said a number of ridiculous things during the duration of his life because 95-percent of the time he was fucked up on coke. But, then again, so was everyone else in the 80s.
Speaking of which, today's generation seems to be extremely influenced by the 80s. With our ever-so-fashion-oriented scenesters, and with all the new wave-retro-electronica music out nowadays, it's no secret that romanticizing 80s excess is cool again. However, depending on your personal habits, a not-so-good 80s influence that seems to be "blowing" up again is the drug cocainebetter known as coke, blow, white girl, snow, white-white or yay.
The President of Bolivia, Evo Morales, apparently has big plans for cocaine in his country as well. Plans which involve major expansion in regards to the legal production of coca (the main ingredient being, of course, cocaine) in Bolivia by more than 60-percent. Morales says he wants to fight against drug trafficking. Sure you do, buddy. Keep in mind Bolivia is the world's third largest producer of cocaine.
In wee little Scotland, the number of cocaine users has doubled in the past few years, rising from a mere 600 users in 2002 to over 1,200 in 2006. And this consensus is only counting the Scots that actually admitted to using cocaine. This still doesn't count all the closeted coke heads. Needless to say, Parliament is more than peeved about the number of Scots who'll be ringing in the new year with a Ziplock full of nose confetti. Parliament wants to end the winter-wonderland bender, get Scotland off of the powder and work on an assertive solution to the growing drug problem. As if Train Spotting didn't clue them in enough. Good luck, Scotland. I salute you!
In other cocaine news, WebMD says that cocaine is, quote, "The most abused major stimulant in America today." Doesn't sound like news to me. It seems that these days, everyone is dusting their noses. But the habit is pricey. Because you can't just have a bump of coke. You have to have a bump of coke and a joint. Or a hot rail and a white russian. It all ends the same waywith your life in shambles and your rent money down the shitter. So have fun all you lovers of the nose-nonsense...just don't come to my house and pawn my TV so you can become another statistic.
Coca-Cola Cashes in on Green Trend
Coca-Cola's new concept store in Toronto comes in a neatly wrapped package: bamboo, overstuffed chairs, recycled cups and fair trade coffee. However the Yorkville store, Far Coast, won't admit its ties with Cokea company renowned for gross human rights violations and murder, covered up by corporate branding and a sugar-coated smile.
As reported in NOW Magazine, the cafe is "a trendy teal and orange" with all the upscale features you'd expect to find in a modern coffee shop. Far Coast offers a fair trade option and features reclaimed wood in its design.
The cafe, however, is "basically appeasing people with the bare minimum," says Jennifer Wright of Green Shift, pioneers of the biodegradable coffee cup.
Silvio Annosantini, Coca-Cola's director of premium brewed beverages (how's that for a job title?), is quick to point out that a fair trade coffee is always available at Far Coast, perhaps taking aim at Starbucks, which only brews some once a month.
But consumers must wonder, where does the company get the rest of their beans? The company playing nice with coffee farmers is a little hard to swallow if you add up all the charges made by global human rights groups like New York-based Killer Coke.
NOW is confident that Toronto's green-conscious community will ask the right question: who's dying for your coffee?