Not many people know where the Roundup began. It occurred in Ireland, way back in 1649. The British were conquering Ireland when Commander Oliver Cromwell came across the stubborn town of Wexford. After 10 days, Cromwell’s troops entered the city walls and went on a murder frenzy. They killed 300 women gathered around a cross, they murdered priests and shot others civilians as they attempted to flee by swimming across the River Slaney. In all 1,500 civilians were massacred. They then burned Wexford. As the smoke drifted over to Cromwell, he said, “Smell that? Smells like Asshole Fuckfacery.” He had a little shit eating grin on his face, too. True story. Ever since that day, my family has been cursed with the job of bringing Asshole Fuckfaces forth to the populace each week. I scour the news in search of the worst of the worst and put them on the page for you to read and shake your righteous heads. So, put on your thickest overalls because this is going to be messy.

Why not start with a religious Asshole Fuckface?

Nathaniel Abraham hired at – hold up. I was about to get into the story, but if your name is Nathaniel Abraham you are bringing a shitload of religious crazy into any room. You think he is okay with people calling him Nate? The magic eight ball says, “Fuck No.”

Anyway, Nate was hired at Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution in March of 2004 after receiving a master's degree in biology and a philosophy doctorate from St. John's University. He was brought in to aid in the research of how chemicals affect the mechanisms of fish from a comparative/evolutionary perspective. Then in October, Nate let it slip that he did not believe in evolution.

Golly, you think your boss was angry because you were being paid to work on something you don’t believe him? Nate told his boss that he "was willing to discuss evolution as a theory." Oh, how kind of you, guy working in a place where evolution is being studied. How about if we are also willing to discuss the effect of a neck punch on religious nutjobs?

Nate was fired in November. Turns out his boss thought believing in evolution was sort of central to study evolution. Nate then took his case to the Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination.

No shit. So, now Nate is suing. In a court. Right here in the US. But he is not suing because he is an Asshole Fuckface, but rather for religious discrimination. He would like $500,000. In the meantime, he is working at Liberty University, which was founded by the Rev. Jerry Falwell.

This is exactly why God invented the neck punch.

Next up, the Asshole Fuckfaces in the Bush administration for not making
oversight a part of their little war.

Tons of stuff is missing in Iraq.

Oh, that’s good. I mean, what could possibly go wrong there? It’s not like we have thousands upon thousands of soldiers in Iraq, who actually don’t want to die. What could go wrong with losing $1 billion worth of weapons and stuff?

The Inspector General only found an audit trail for $83 million out of $643 million in equipment contracts. The military does not know where 12,712 out of 13,508 weapons went. Those weapons include pistols, assault rifles, rocket propelled grenade launchers and machine guns. All of those things kill people. We have soldiers there and, again, I cannot emphasize this enough: They don't want to die. Letting the enemy get their hands on weapons does not help them with the living thing.

One Asshole Fuckfaces named Claude Bolton, has resigned from his post as assistant secretary for acquisition, logistics and technology. Now, if we could just put him in prison.

How about some video Asshole Fuckfacery?



Holy. Fucking. Shit. At least Bush was subtle and tried to show his God shit with a wink and a smile. This Asshole Fuckfacery is way over the top. Does my vote count as much as God's vote? I don't think that is covered in The Constitution thingy.

Last but not least, we end up will some media Asshole Fuckfacery.

Who knew CNN would pass Fox on the AFR? Not me. But this week they have done exactly that. Poor CNN was forced to “postpone” a “speculative documentary” called “We Were Warned – Iran Goes Nuclear.” By the way, there is no such thing as a “speculative documentary.” It is called fiction, also known as a mockumentary. CNN was going to do their own version of "The Office," but it was going to be a drama.

Oooo, scary. And don't forget, if you kids help create another war, your ratings go up and you make money!

So, why was CNN forced to “postpone” the documentary? Turns out Iran discontinued its nuclear weapons program four years ago. Fucking jerks. Doesn’t Iran know a NEWS NETWORK was creating fake news? Sorry, it’s not fake news, it’s a “speculative documentary.”

By “a different set of rules and a different set of conditions,” he means reality. Maybe CNN could have spent the money they were tossing at creating fiction and used to track down NEWS.

But, don’t worry. You will get to see the documentary at some point, because it has only been “postponed.” Hey, CNN, you should do a documentary about a president ignoring intelligence and lying to the American people in hopes of starting a war. Man, that’s a good plot.

Congrats to all of this weeks Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each receive a young boy with the words “Asshole Fuckface” shaved into his hair.

FearTheReaper was unable to post this story at 9 am due to access problems yesterday. Just be thankful you got it at all.

As embarrassing as it is to be an American these days, with our pathetic political representation, disgraceful media and voter apathy, Wednesday night was an incredibly shameful display by CNN. The Republican YouTube debate started out like an episode of "America’s Funniest Videos" and didn’t get much better.

You might think it would be a good idea for presidential candidates to answer questions from the people who will be voting. The questions should be reflective of the issues that actually concern Americans and could potentially catch candidates more off guard than the typical reporter questions. Not when CNN picks them. In substance, they are the same type of typical reporter questions, but instead they are asked in incredibly undignified and retarded ways.

The ridiculousness kicked off with a montage of YouTube videos from the last debate: We saw an idiotic snowman, an alien, a graphic Richard Nixon ghost, little kids, a speaking Abe Lincoln photo, along with a speaking Ben Franklin bill, stuffed animals and real dogs that talk. And that was what we weren’t going to see! Ha ha ha. Wow, great start. Republicans are trying to figure out which candidate to pick and CNN is wasting time showing how they were complete assholes during the Democratic debate.

Then CNN played a video of some idiot from Washington who had written a song about the debate and tossed it up on YouTube. It was a shocking new low for a presidential debate. The song was high school-level, variety show bullshit and embarrassing to every man, woman and Ron Paul in that auditorium. But we got to watch the candidates awkwardly watch the idiot strum his guitar and sing for three minutes. You can tell a debate is not starting well when the host says.

Now, close your eyes and picture Walter Cronkite saying that. How'd that go? Not so good, huh?

Anderson Cooper then got things off and running. We got immediately into one of the issues Americans care least about. Immigration! The two first questions can easily be summed up:

The third immigration question was from a small business owner and quite smart. But, hey, that’s three immigration questions! More than any other topic, I guess because it’s fifth on the list of important issues. Awesome!

26% - The war in Iraq
16% - Health care
14% - Job creation and economic growth
13% - Terrorism
11% - Illegal immigration
8% - The environment and global warming
6% - Energy and the cost of gas
3% - Social issues such as abortion and gay marriage
1% - Other (vol.)

Sadly, only McCain and Huckabee came across as slightly human in their answers on immigration. The rest were idiots. Oh, and there were only two questions about Iraq. No questions about health care. No questions about job growth, the environment, energy, on and on.

Finally, we moved on to…the NAFTA Superhighway. You know, the thing that does not exist. Why not just ask a question about what the candidates would do if Mothra was attacked the US? The irresponsibility of CNN to allow shit like this on the air is astounding. The question was directed at Ron Paul who, of course, pretended like the NAFTA Superhighway is real. Wouldn’t want to freak out your psycho followers, would you Paul?

Then we had a couple of decent questions from two women. Nicely done. So, why not follow it up with a question from a cartoon Uncle Sam about eliminating income tax? Anyone notice these questions are aimed at adults running for the fucking White House? Why not a question about Iraq from Snuffleupagus? Or maybe a zucchini with lips could ask about Social Security?

Then came a guy eating corn and asking about farm subsidies, a gun control question from a guy irresponsibly handing firearms, some fucking idiot asking what guns the candidates owned, a douche bag asking them if they believe every word of The Bible, another asshat pretending he was two different people, a question from a cartoon Dick Cheney who was threatening the candidates with a gun and an asshole asking a question about his precious Confederate flag. Overall, it was an embarrassing display.

There were some interesting and effective questions asked, but they were few and far between. CNN attempted to make the debate “entertaining” and ended up creating an arena of shame.

The crowd itself was disturbing. The cheering of torture, while a man stands onstage who was actually the victim of torture, is beyond disgusting. Not all joined in the Roman like blood lust, but it was well over half. The crowd was obviously pretty much all white. When they showed a wide shot of the entire theater, I could only see one black man. But I’d like to thank CNN for showing close ups of two different black men. Must have been hard to find them with all those white faces. Zero in on that oddity. Brava.

Mike Huckabee was the clear winner. He was well spoken, funny and focused. Mitt Romney stumbled quite a bit, particularly on The Bible question. Rudy Guiliani was on the defensive a lot and Fred Thompson was just pathetic. Not so easy without a script, eh, gramps? Ron Paul just seemed outclassed and was definitely the most booed candidate on the stage. But the strangest man to watch on that stage was John McCain. On one hand he seemed old and a bit tired, but then it became apparent that he didn’t know what the fuck had happened to his party. Here was a man who used to be completely conservative but is now considered a moderate. He often seemed disgusted with the black and white answers of his fellow candidates and the total lack of substance in their answers. He was visibly angry at Mitt Romney’s pro-torture response to one question. It made me remember why I liked him back in the day. Sad.

Republican candidates are bailing out of the September 17th CNN/YouTube debate. They have come up with several reasons.

What presidential candidate would turn down a nationally televised debate in order to make a couple of bucks? Attending fundraisers is a ridiculous justification to pass on a major chance to differentiate themselves from the other candidates. These excuses are obviously a load of bullshit, as are the many other reasons Republicans are attempting to create. There is also the "snowman" excuse.

And the "CNN is liberal" excuse.

More excuses will surely follow, but the real reason leading Republicans will not take part in the debate is that they are scared. Little girl scared. The leading GOP candidates have baggage and they aren't used to direct questions. The mainstream media, like CNN, would never allow their anchors to ask harsh questions, but this format has given the network the ability to be very direct. Our current crop of news reporters shy away from asking tough questions because they are so frightened of being labeled “liberal” by the right. Some random guy in Utah isn’t. That is what frightens the Giuliani’s of the world.

What kind of questions are the candidates afraid of? How about these: Mitt Romney, why did you change your stance on so many subjects, like abortion, right before you ran for president? Rudy Giuliani, you didn’t buy new radios for the NYFD for ten years, even though a report on the 1993 WTC attacks said it was the first thing that should be done. It led to the death of over 300 firefighters. Why didn’t you buy the radios? (Imagine that one from a firefighter) Ron Paul, why did you allow a racist newsletter to be published in your name for ten years? John McCain, why were you not sure that condoms helped to prevent AIDS when question about it just three months ago?

These are just simple questions off the top of my head; imagine what could be done with a little research? The Republicans candidates are carrying a shitload of baggage and the common man is jumping at the chance to expose it. Here are some of the questions to date.













If you watch the questions people have posted on YouTube, you will become sad because of the high percentage of idiots. They are sometimes scary, sometimes ridiculous, but most often just pathetic. It is the few who present a well-crafted, thoughtful and direct question that scare the shit out of the GOP.

CNN is now attempting to reschedule the debate to work around the Giuliani and Romney fundraising conflicts and Republican bloggers are trying to pressure the two camps to attend. But the new Bush Republican Party is based on denial, suppression of evidence and bullying the media, which means that unpredictable questions could cause a lot of damage. Add to that the fact that the Republican right wing is far scarier than the Democratic left wing due to religious fundamentalism and I wouldn’t expect any of the leading candidates to show up for the YouTube debate. Did I mention that they are chickenshits?

CNN is doing their best to undo Barack Obama before he can even get going. First they decided to do a comparison between Obama and US enemy number one, Osama Bin Laden. And why not? The two guys have a similar name. It’s called quality journalism and CNN should be proud.



But obviously that was not enough, as Obama continues to gather steam in his push toward becoming the first black president. So, CNN decided to step it up a level by placing Obama’s name right over a picture of Bin Laden.



Thank God Wolf Blitzer did not apologize for the horrible error. There's no way any one of the several people in the control room could have possibly seen it. Nope, they just continued on with the show, talking about Osama Bin Laden.

Hope they catch Obama before he becomes the first black president. Maybe next they can photo shop that beard onto Obama and put an AK-47 in his hands.

Congressman-elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) hasn't had the easiest road to public office. Being the very first muslim member of Congress in US history, he's had the privelige of enduring a hatchet job from Newsweek, as well as having to endure the oft cited vitriol of professional internet troll and conservative David Horowitz. But defying the odds, he won Minnesota's fifth district by a massive margin (beating out the next highest ranking candidate by over 30% of the vote) and is now set to change history. But he'll have to get over a few more stumbling blocks along the way, including some absolutely outrageous comments from CNN talk show host Glenn Beck, who decided to ask him to "prove he's not working with our enemies."

The man just got elected to Congress for Christ's sake, and he's already being questioned by conservative media hosts about his patriotism? It's hard to tell whether Beck is incredibly malicious or just woefully ignorant. There are currently several million Muslims (the exact number is hard to pin down) currently living in the United States, and well over a billion worldwide. Does that mean that they're all "our enemies" (including the ones currently living in the US?) That every single one should be subject to the ridiculous suspicions of people like Beck? This man is a piece of filth, he's a good indication of how racism and bias are still happily residing in the US, they've just managed to go far enough beneath the surface that it can take a little jostling before they're in plain view.

One day after Bill Maher claimed Ken Mehlman was gay, the Republican National Committee Chairman is the latest victim of the Republican Election Day “thumping.” According to CNN, the self-hating, gay Mehlman will step down at the end of the year. The report claims Mehlman had previously planned to leave before the elections and the devastating results have nothing to do with his decision.

CNN did not discuss the outing of Mehlman by Maher on the Larry King show yesterday. CNN actually went further than just not discussing it, they cut the Maher comment out for the west coast feed of Larry King and sent a cease and desist letter to U Tube. You can still see the video the Huffington Post.


Look who is in a closet with his mouth open

Here’s the transcript.

Now, suddenly he’s leaving his post. Strange timing. Especially with conservatives on a post Foley scandal gay witch hunt.

Earlier this week, best-selling author Joel C. Rosenberg was asked to come on CNN to discuss the upcoming Apocalypse. Rosenberg has written four fiction books about the Apocalypse that have sold millions of copies to religious fanatics. Lately he has been speaking about signs of the end days that can be found in the current Israel-Hezbollah war.

But the most frightening revelation was Rosenberg’s admission that he had been invited to the White House, Capitol Hill and the CIA to talk about the Rapture and the Middle East.

Right, so it’s not necessarily that they believe in the Bible, they just want to “understand” it. Much like the way I don’t “believe” that Red Riding Hood is true, but I want to “understand” it for my next trip through the fucking forest. I don’t think Red Riding Hood was real, but I should KNOW about what happened with the wolf in that book of FICTION because I am going into the forest. Makes sense, right?

It’s hard to understand other people in the world when you just take your info from one book, especially when those people don’t read your book. Such a blindingly, stupid architecture for foreign policy can only lead to what we have today. And the ignorance of such religious extremists is on show and obvious everywhere you turn.

Today, Former Ambassador to Croatia Peter Galbraith claimed Bush was unaware that there were two major sects of Islam just two months before he invaded Iraq. During a meeting with three Iraqi Americans, Bush had the difference between the Sunni and the Shiite explained to him. His response:

Good luck with your continuing attempts to start the Apocalypse, psycho. I was once sitting on the subway watching a woman reading a Bible. She was so engrossed in the book that when the train stopped she fell down. The only thing between her face and the dirty floor was the Bible. Pretty much sums up our foreign policy at this point. Take your fucking face out of the book, George.

In a shining example how truly Godless America has become, the state of Florida wants to take away the license of a nurse who cared for Terri Schiavo. The Florida Department of Health is claiming Carla Sauer-Iyer improperly disclosed confidential patient information, which violates Florida law. The department conveniently dismisses the fact that her act did not violate God’s law.

Wingless angel Terry Schiavo was murdered on March 31, 2005 when her food was taken away by faithless beasts doing the bidding of Satan. Terry had been in a coma since she collapsed in 1990. Sauer cared for Schiavo in 1998 when she was a patient at the Palm Garden of Largo. During that time Sauer saw Terry communicate clearly, eat from a baby bottle and chuckle at funny stories.

Three days before Terry was killed, Sauer went on CNN to tell American what she had observed. In what must have been a very scary moment, with so many people wanting Terry’s death and not wanting to hear the truth, Sauer used God’s strength to explain that she had seen Terry laugh, say “Mommy” and “Help me.” Schiavo also enjoyed milkshakes and pudding.

After watching the program in liberal gay promoting Massachusetts, a registered nurse called the Florida Health Department and complained. Now, over a year later, the state has offered to settle the complaint if Sauer gives up her nursing license, pays a fine of $1,683 and agrees not to apply for a license in the future. Sauer has refused and is now waiting for a date to be set for an administrative hearing. Good thing Mother Teresa didn’t practice in Florida.

We will never know if Terry could have improved because her husband and the state took her life prematurely. And now we throw another victim on the pile. Shame, American, shame.