What The Fuck, Black People?
Yesterday was like getting a blowjob followed by a kick to the balls. First Obama won the presidency. Amazing historical moment. I kept looking at the faces of African Americans on television and feeling very happy for them, even though I have no idea how they feel. We actually elected a black president, though it had little to do with skin color and everything to do with the quality of the man. But the fact that he is black is amazingly important. Then, three hours later I learned Proposition 8 in California was going down in flames. Gay people had their right to marry taken away. On one hand, we made a choice that will have an incredible positive effect for minorities and then with the other hand, we punched gays in the face.
I was furious last night. Fuck the Mormons, I said. Fuck the Christians, too. Im not really interested in your retarded books and backwards thinking ruling my life or my neighbors lives. And that is a literal statement. My next-door neighbors cannot get married today, like I am. Upon further exploration of the people who voted for Prop 8, I was disturbed to learn a massive amount of black people voted to strip the rights of another minority. Today I feel like I helped a black friend buy a new television and then he turned around and smashed it over the head of my gay friend.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Oh, I get that there is a lot of anti-gay sentiment in the black community, or at least thats what has been said for years. Now we get to see it in numbers. It is indeed true. Coming from a group of people who have been on the ass end of white America for so long, I find this incredibly fucked up.
Two days ago I was sitting in an airport in San Jose, watching people passing by, wearing Obama T-shirts. I saw several black people, in their 60s, with our soon to be new presidents name across their chest. Its hard to describe the feeling I had. Pride in my country for overcoming years of hatred and prejudice to get to this point. Feeling incredibly happy that those older African Americans were about to experience something they probably never thought possible, knowing that future generations will never look at our country the same way again. And most importantly, that everything is possible for African Americans.
Now those feelings are gone. Dashed. Destroyed. Because we nominated Barack Obama, gays cannot get married in our state. The voting was close and the turnout amongst blacks was huge. They came to support Obama in huge numbers and by a three to one margin, blacks voted to strip the rights of other Americans away.
There is no reason why gay people shouldnt be allowed to marry. None. Other than bigotry. It simply boils down to disgust at the thought of something that has nothing to do with you. You dont have to like someone to do the right thing. In this case, we voted to do the wrong thing and people who say otherwise are lying to themselves. There is no reason for anyone to be involved in other peoples relationships. None.
I am very upset that what should be a happy time is not. I actually feel a deep disgust with my fellow Californians today. I am deeply disappointed by California African Americans. I feel nothing by hatred for the Mormons and Christians who poured money into our state to create commercials full of lies. Many of us will never forgive them for doing so. I will certainly be boycotting Mormon businesses from here on out. Marriott hotels can fuck off forever, as well as other LDS owned companies. There is no other way to fight them. You cant educate fanatics.
Thanks for ruining a good time, you fucks.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
It's Time for Another Game of: Jesus or He-Man?
Texas has always prided itself on being BIG. Big state, big steaks, big trucks, big hats... and now, while the rest of the world is still looking for J.C.'s visage on the faces of grilled sandwiches, believers in Dallas have projected a life-size rendering of the son of God onto a big-ass slab of granite
Over the past two days, John Ganster has seen cars creep, crawl and park in front of his East Dallas stone company, as their occupants try to catch a glimpse of a granite slab stained with what some think is an image of Jesus.
Now, don't get me wrong, I see it too. I see the shape of a face, the outline of long hair, and a body that looks to be wearing a robe. Halfway down, he's even wearing a belt of sorts, but wait ... either that's a crack running across his body or Jesus is carrying a sword. In fact, upon closer inspection ... the long hair, the belt, the sword ... this picture looks to me a little more like '80s animated action figure hero He-Man than Christ Almighty. Actually, the resemblance is closer to Prince Adam - He-Man's "Clark Kent" alter-ego.
The confusion is understandable. Much like Jesus, Prince Adam was also a mere human who transcended his mortality to adopt supernatural powers and use them to fight against evil - the nefarious demonoid Skeletor who, in my opinion, looks far more evil than any depiction of Satan I've seen.
Of course, even I am willing to accept possibilities other than my He-Man theory. But, as far as your average Catholic or Christian is concerned, every time a graven image pops up in any given random object, it's automatically Jesus. Couldn't we think outside the box at least this once?
The stone, which weighs around 1,000 pounds, had been in the companys Tulsa, Okla. Store. It was moved to the Dallas office in December, after builders in the Tulsa area kept passing on it, because of cosmetic imperfections.
Thats kind of ironic, Ganster said. Christ said that he would build his church on the stone that the builders rejected.
That's not actually irony, dude. Irony would have been Jesus doing the opposite of what you expected. Irony would be droves of Hercules fans declaring it the second coming of Kevin Sorbo - because it kind of looks like him, too.
But, I've resigned here to cutting Ganster and his people some slack. Having faith in He-Man and his Masters of the Universe is pretty easy. All you need do is pop in an old VHS tape to witness their awe-inspiring power. The closest thing you're going to get to catching the holy spirit in the act is the occasional water stain or grilled cheese engraved with its likeness, or an alleged hallucination to give you that extra assurance that your faith is not in vain.
You guys can have this one, and I'll go scour eBay in hopes of finding a pair of Castle Greyskull Underoos made to fit a 30-year-old man.
Some Evangelicals Finally Catch On
I should like to start with a slight apology. I am unable to link directly to the story I am discussing, as The New Yorker does not have all stories from every issue available online. However, the abstract is available, and the complete story can be found in the June 30, 2008 issue, starting on page 28.
Evangelical Christianity has long been a confusing subject for me, and likely for many others. I was raised as a Catholic, went to Sunday School every week until I was 14, then went to Wednesday Night bible meetings for another two years. I've read the Bible, I was an altar boy (no jokes, our priest was a living saint), and even spent a week at a Catholic Bible camp. I tell this so that there is no misunderstanding: I have studied the Bible, from front to back and around again. I am no expert, but I think I have the general idea.
And this is what confuses me. The Bible, at least the New Testament, talks about love, forgiveness, caring for the poor, helping those who need help, loving your neighbor, and generally living a life of peace. There was nothing in there about setting off bombs, killing for Christ, or generally anything about smiting. Quite truthfully, 2008 years ago, smiting was supposed to be right out.
Somewhere, that message got mixed up. And those who did the mixing are quite easy to identify. Go down any bookstore's "Religion" aisle and look at the names: Dr. James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell. These were the men who shaped modern Evangelical Christianity into a political powerhouse for right-wing fundamentalism, known as The Christian Right.
Their followers are fairly easy to find. They are the ones picketing Planned Parenthood buildings, at school board meetings pushing Intelligent Design as a science (I pause, for laughter), and claiming that the United States was founded as a Christian Nation . . . in general, ignoring reality.
But things are changing, but slowly. Frances Fitzgerald, in her article "The New Evangelicals" writes about how the "big names" have bullied their personal agendas into evangelicalism. But there is a change. Lesser known, but up-and-coming preachers are pushing for a return to traditional Christian ministry of working with the poor, the outcast, of being peacemakers. This doesn't mean they are dropping their anti-abortion, anti-homosexual stances, but that they are shifting focus to areas that can be changed instead of areas that cannot. They are talking about curbing global warming, immigration reform (of the good, productive kind, instead of the punishment sort), and denouncing the racism, sexism, and anti-intellectualism long characterized in Christianity.
One of the new leaders in particular, Joel Hunter really impressed me. After he got married, he was well on his way to becoming one of those slick-haired/spray-tanned/smug gits who weep while asking for money, then buy a new fleet of shiny cars for their "personal ministers." But he realized where he was heading and took a position in a parish of 200, who had just lost their own pastor. He took that dying church, poured himself into it, taught his simple, traditional message of helping others, and ended up with a huge multi-national congregation, pretty much without wanting one.
Sadly, this is a slow process. But this is time of change, and it looks like Evangelical Christians are joining in on the change. They are supporting Barack Obama, pitching in at disasters, and are pulling away from the loudest mouths that have been showing the worst side of Religion for the last few decades.
Now, of course, I am not advocating everyone rush out and get saved. Far from it. But, it may be time to re-evaluate some of the stereotypes that keep people who could be allies separated.
Coyotemike has not gone to church in 10 years, and rather enjoys sleeping in on Sunday mornings.
Finally, Tiny Microscopic People Get A Chance
Colorado apparently has its share of lunatics because yesterday the state Supreme Court gave an anti-abortion group the go ahead to try to put a measure on the ballot that would define a fertilized egg as a person. All they need to do is collect 76,000 signatures. Anyone want to bet that there are 76,000 Christian lunatics in Colorado?
This is the kind of election shit that liberals and centrists have to throw money at to defeat, which takes funds away from important races and also draws right wing voters to the polls. It wont matter if the Christian right doesnt like Rudy or McCain or Mitt, once they are in the booth, they will vote for one of them over which ever baby killer the Democrats pick.
The court approved the language of the proposal, rejecting a challenge from abortion-rights supporters who argued it was misleading and dealt with more than one subject in violation of the state constitution.
If approved by voters, the measure would give fertilized eggs the state constitutional protections of inalienable rights, justice and due process.
Super. Hey, you know that one book you read all the time? I dont really want to live by it. Although, Im not sure The Bible ever covered fertilized eggs. This is just another attempt to make abortion illegal. These people are creative little fuckers, arent they?
Another effect of the legislation would be to create problems for in-vitro fertilization and stem cell research. And some believe it would lead to a ban on birth control. The Christians, of course, disagree. There is nothing behind this effort!
"It doesn't outlaw abortion, it doesn't regulate birth control," said Kristi Burton, 20, of Colorado for Equal Rights. "It's just a constitutional principle. We're laying a foundation that every life deserves protection.
Oh, youre just laying down a little foundation. Thats totally cool. But, I have a question for you: If a little clump of human cells is a person, then is one of my hairs a person? What about one of my turds? Why not? They both have human cells in them.
"It's very clearly a single subject," Burton said. "If it's a human being, it's a person, and hey, they deserve equal rights under our law."
Uh huh. Maybe you guys could move somewhere else and start a theocracy.
The nutters have six months to collect the signatures. And they are not just focusing on Colorado. Christian groups are trying leading similar efforts in Montana, Georgia, Oregon, Michigan and South Carolina. The Republicans always need their crazy religious issue. For the 2004 presidential elections it was gay marriage. Now they will try to save microscopic peeps. Expect a massive turnout in Colorado in 2008.
Satan Allowed Into Senate Chamber
Well, it happened. Satan was allowed to walk his heinous ass into the Senate chamber and babble his nonsense. You cant say we werent warned. Just a few days ago, the good folks from the American Family Association alerted us to the fact that Satan was coming and this time he was going to be dressed like a Hindu.
Send an email to your senator now, expressing your disappointment in the Senate decision to invite a Hindu to open the session with prayer.
On Thursday, a Hindu chaplain from Reno, Nevada, by the name of Rajan Zed is scheduled to deliver the opening prayer in the U.S. Senate. Zed tells the Las Vegas Sun that in his prayer he will likely include references to ancient Hindu scriptures, including Rig Veda, Upanishards, and Bhagavard-Gita. Historians believe it will be the first Hindu prayer ever read at the Senate since it was formed in 1789.
Scary, huh? A Hindu allowed to speak in the Senate. Never thought I would see the day. I always know when shit like this is going down because my anus tingles. Its like a Spidey sense, but its my anus and it warns be that there is a threat to Christianity. Anyway, the AFA makes a good point about why Hindus shouldnt be allowed to speak, in the Senate, or really at all anywhere in America.
WallBuilders president David Barton is questioning why the U.S. government is seeking the invocation of a non-monotheistic god. Barton points out that since Hindus worship multiple gods, the prayer will be completely outside the American paradigm, flying in the face of the American motto "One Nation Under God."
Barton says given the fact that Hindus are a tiny constituency of the American public, he questions the motivation of Senate leaders. "This is not a religion that has produced great things in the world," he observes. "You look at India, you look at Nepal -- there's persecution going in both of those countries that is gendered by the religious belief that is present there, and Hindu dominates in both of those countries."
Well, today was the day. As expected, the Senate bowed their heads to Satan and let the Hindu speak. Thankfully, the AFA had people there to get out their message: Hindont!
Yes, they shouted down a religous man of another faith because he was saying a little prayer. It was the first time a Hindu was allowed to deliver the morning invocation and our very own American Taliban clearly scared the shit out of the poor guy. The three protesters were from Operation Save America, who apparently have such weak faith in Jesus that they cant allow other people to speak different religious beliefs out loud. If you couldnt hear it, this is what they said:
Lord Jesus, forgive us father for allowing a prayer of the wicked, which is an abomination in your sight. This is an abomination. We shall have no other gods before You.
No Lord but Jesus Christ! There's only one true God!
Then, just as Jesus would have done, the brave Christians put out a press release to brag about calling a man from another religion, who was merely speaking words, an "abomination." Jesus was all about bragging, calling people abominations and press releases.
Ante Pavkovic, Kathy Pavkovic, and Kristen Sugar were all arrested in the chambers of the United States Senate as that chamber was violated by a false Hindu god. The Senate was opened with a Hindu prayer placing the false god of Hinduism on a level playing field with the One True God, Jesus Christ. This would never have been allowed by our Founding Fathers.
"Not one Senator had the backbone to stand as our Founding Fathers stood. They stood on the Gospel of Jesus Christ! There were three in the audience with the courage to stand and proclaim, 'Thou shalt have no other gods before me.' They were immediately removed from the chambers, arrested, and are in jail now. God bless those who stand for Jesus as we know that He stands for them." Rev. Flip Benham, Director, Operation Save America/Operation Rescue
Keep up the good work and please don't get stabbed in the neck.
Someone Should Have Told Me Christians Are At War With Us
Ron Luce is a 45-year-old man who started a movement for young Christian kids called BattleCry. Why BattleCry? Because the kids are fighting to save their generation from the media, culture and Satan." Luce believes most evangelicals are weak and hates the idea of accepting" Christ and trusting the Lord.
"The devil hates us," he exhorts, "and we gotta be ready to fight and not be these passive little lukewarm, namby-pamby, kum-ba-yah, thumb-sucking babies that call themselves Christians. Jesus? He got mad!"
"I want an attacking church!" he shouts.
Super. Theres this fun group called the Taliban I could hook you up with. They are really into an attacking church sort of thing.
Luce goes after kids who are too young to vote and he taps into their teenage rebellion instincts. His shows are part-concert, part-preaching about what is wrong with the kind of people who go to the SG website. His mission is to radicalize them and turn them into a cultural army.
"This is a real war," Luce preaches. When he talks like that, he growls. "This is not a metaphor!" In Cleveland, he intercuts his sermons with videos of suicide bombers and marching Christian teens.
It is a shrewd operation. Nothing gets kids going more than believing that everyone is against them, while at the same time making them think they are accomplishing great change. For them it is a scary time and they are Gods army. They are told to travel in pairs because the devil is going to come after you.
Well, big deal. Every generation has had kids who are crazy religious; it does not spell the end of time. Really? The difference between the old days and now is that these Christians are being trained to infiltrate our government and kill it from the inside. A great example of this is the current Department of Justice scandal.
Monica Goodling, an ex-aide of Alberto Gonzales, is at the center of the administrations crisis. She recently resigned after declaring she would assert her Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination if she was forced to testify in front of Congress. Goodling was the liaison between the DOJ and the White House.
Goodling is a Christian, who was educated at the Regent University School of Law. Regent was created by Pat Robertson to provide
"Christian leadership to change the world." The school is training law students to understand how America's law should be changed to reflect
"eternal principles of justice. US News & World Report lists the school as fourth tier, which is the lowest score for a law school. The classes are a tad bit different from, say, Harvard.
The title of the course was Constitutional Law, but the subject was sin. Before any casebooks were opened, a student led his classmates in a 10-minute devotional talk, completed with "amens," about the need to preserve their Christian values.
"Sin is so appealing because it's easy and because it's fun," the law student warned.
So naturally, the Bush administration has hired over 150 graduates of Regent. John Ashcroft made it easier for his fellow Christians to be hired in 2002 when he changed the rules for hiring new lawyers. Applicants would no longer have to be screened by veteran civil servants. It seemed that with the old process, the DOJ was hiring top-of-the-class lawyers from elite law schools. Wouldnt want that. The change resulted in more conservatives without any experience in civil rights being hired.
"It used to be that high-level DOJ jobs were generally reserved for the best of the legal profession. That a recent graduate of one of the very worst (and sketchiest) law schools with virtually no relevant experience could ascend to this position is a sure sign that there is something seriously wrong at the DOJ."
So, now the current state of the DOJ is horrifying. These were ideologues who were not working to uphold the law, but rather to put forth an agenda. Every office will need to be investigated to find out how seriously the US Attorney's offices have been compromised by more awful Bush hiring's. The Christians will be purged for not following the rules of justice and they will scream that they are being persecuted for being Christians...on and on.
But scariest of all, is the fact that the war is not stopping anytime soon. Those young BattleCry warriors are going to grow up and learn the best way to change our society, just like the lawyers from Regent have. Hopefully they can turn us into a full-blown theocracy before I die.
FearTheReaper will be appearing at the San Jose Improv April 13-15.
Religious Nutjob Roundup!
Its Friday and you know what that means time to check in on the worlds craziest religious nutjobs. Lets kick it off in, where else
TEXAS!
Texas State Representative Warren Chisum is a religious nutjob of the highest order. Last year he made a promise to beat up on the homosexual community.
Equality Texas leaders said they met with Chisum to discuss his statements, and that he told them he believes that a foster childs welfare is better served by placement with a married husband and wife over any other parental structure.
A lot of time has passed since he threatened to beat up on them gays, so how has Chisums religiouis fervor been coming along? Really, really well! This week Chisum distributed a memo written by Georgia GOP Rep. Ben Bridges to his fellow Texas House members.
The memo requests that schools stop teaching evolution because it is based on ancient Jewish religious beliefs. Thats right, the Jews are responsible for evolution. The also memo directs people to a Website created by the Fair Education Foundation, which is a Non-Moving Earth & Anti-Evolution Web Page. You can learn such fun facts as:
The Earth is not rotating...nor is it going around the sun.
The universe is not one ten trillionth the size we are told.
Todays cosmology fulfills an anti-Bible religious plan disguised as "science".
The whole scheme from Copernicanism to Big Bangism is a factless lie.
Yeah, hes an elected official! Way to go, Texas!
Lets jump over to VIRGINA.
Virginia Congressman Virgil Goode is back. Earlier this year he threw down against Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison, who wanted to be sworn in on the Quran. Goode no likey!
This week, Goode took to the floor of Congress in a debate about Bushs surge in Iraq and showed off his stunning brainpower. Goode said opposing the surge would "comfort and encourage the radical Muslims who want to destroy our country." Then he went on to explain to his fellow ignorant lawmakers that Islamic jihadists want US currency to say "in Muhammad we trust." Oh, and they want to fly an Islamic flag over the White House and US Capitol. Those motherfuckers!
Now, its off to a religious nutjob hotbed
INDIA!
Valentines Day has been growing in popularity in India for a couple of decades. Stores across the country sell chocolates, cards and balloons, so men can show their love for the woman in their life. It all sounds great, right? Wrong!
Hindu and Muslim groups came together in New Dehli to protest Valentine's Day. They burned Valentines Day cards and threatened to beat couples caught showing affection in public. They chanted
"Death to Valentine's Day" and "People who celebrate Valentine's Day should be pelted with shoes!"
Sadly, Valentines Day cannot die because it is not a living thing, but just a day on the calendar. Your birthday cannot die either.
"This is a conspiracy to misguide the young people of our country," said Jai Bhagwan Goel, chief of the Shiv Sena's north India branch.
In his hand, a card with an image of a Victorian couple pictured in a tepid peck under a parasol went up in flames.
Somebody doesnt have a girlfriend
What up in AMSTERDAM?
Stand up comedians are being threatened with death! Is it Joe Rogan doing the threatening? Nope, its Muslims, everybodys favorite free speech haters.
Stand up comedian Hans Teeuwen is speaking out for fellow comedians who have been receiving death threats from Muslim extremists because of their jokes.
Every comedian's agenda tells you the exact time and place where he is going to perform. One or two phone calls with threats and he cannot perform at ease any more, Teeuwen explains.
Teeuween is calling for all Dutch comedians to join together and file charges against a member of an Amsterdam Mosque, Kabli, and the mosque's current leadership. Last month, Kabli told a magazine that every Muslim must fight back if jokes are made about Islam. First, the comedian is warned and if he continues then he must be punished or killed. Some would say killing is punishment, but I dont know much about Muslim rules.
Prosecutors are investigating and may press charges. But Teeuwen is worried that an indictment would only make matters worse because comedians are already changing their acts and theaters are canceling bookings.
Whats the point of talking about crazy Muslims if were not going to take a trip to PAKISTAN?
Oh, the poor blasphemer. I remember a time when you could take a walk through Pakistan and blaspheme the shit out of the place. Not anymore.
Times are rough for blasphemers in Pakistan. Under Article 295 C of the Pakistani Penal Code people can be punished with heavy penalties (even death) for offending the Prophet or Islams sacred texts. But once in prison, blasphemers can spare themselves by converting to Islam.
Even those found innocent by the court find life to be rough when they are released. They are subjected to social isolation and poverty because they are linked with offended Islam. Some are killed by extremists.
Shahid Masih has just come out of prison.
At the police station, I was beaten by police and in prison I was beaten by the other detainees. They treated me like a slave, making me do all sorts of humiliating work. But I never stopped praying to Jesus. The real tragedy is this. I was in prison and I was released because the court found me innocent but my life is over. No one wants to hire me and I am afraid to go out because people think I am a blasphemer who must die.
Theres always a bright side, Shahid. Get cable, its February sweeps time!
Last stop, NEW YORK CITY.
You can put condoms on your cock when you fuck and they will stop babies from being made. And therein lies the rub. Yesterday, the city unveiled New York-brand condoms and Catholic leaders lost their shit.
NYC will distribute 18 million free condoms a year to local health clinics, non-profit organizations, and businesses. The city has had condoms available on its website since June 2005 but now the city-sponsored condoms will come in wrappers labeled "NYC Condom" with an accompanying picture of a subway station. That way, when you fuck in a subway station you will be protected against everything but vagina rats.
Cardinal Edward Egan and Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio apparently like to ride bareback and blasted the city. They said the free condom plan is "tragic and misguided." The cardinal and the bishop criticized the city for using taxpayer dollars to purchase and distribute condoms. They believe it promotes "the attitude that anything goes.
You heard them, New York; its time for analcourse!
Not in Our Schools
Its been a while since Ive been in school, but heres what I remember of it: school pretty much sucks. Most of the time theres some teacher all bah-blah-blabity blah about calculus or some shit, and when they do break with the program, its for something else just as boring. If I had the chance to watch a critically acclaimed documentary film or practice some semi-trendy deep breathing exercise, I would have been three shades of psyched.
But, judging from two news stories this week, some spoil-sport Christian parent would have ruined it for everybody.
A school board in Washington has put the kibosh on students watching Al Gores global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth because of a complaint from a God fearing parent. Apparently, father of seven Frosty Hardison has little tolerance for deviating from standard school curriculum or a literal interpretation of the Book of Revelations, even though one would think that being named for a beloved cartoon snowman would have made him loosen up years ago.
"Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher," said Frosty Hardison, a parent of seven who also said that he believes the Earth is 14,000 years old. "The information that's being presented is a very cockeyed view of what the truth is ... The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn't in the DVD."
After Hardison sent an email complaint to the school board, the board decided that the film could only be shown if a teacher has permission from their principal and superintendent, and if a "credible, legitimate opposing view is also presented. Which means, in theory, a school could screen the Kirk Cameron-starring Christian end times film series Left Behind to balance out the lack of rapture-informed content in Mr. Gores PowerPoint presentation.
Meanwhile a couple of days ago, a Canadian school anti-obesity program was knocked for an alleged anti-Christian bias. The program included yoga, which Christian parents in Quesnel, British Columbia feel is a religion. One parent objected to how a yoga pose required her child to put their hands together in a prayer-like gesture. Another parent was quoted speaking against yoga in language strikingly similar to that of Robert Mitchums evil preacher character in The Night of the Hunter.
"There's God and there's the devil, and the devil's not a gentleman. If you give him any kind of an opening, he will take that."
Thankfully, the school is continuing to teach yoga. Those Canadians really are more sensible. Actually, scratch that. Lately even Christians are more sensible. Theres a growing Christian environmental movement and a series of video tapes about Christian Yoga.
Cant the cool Christians get together with all the stick-in-the-mud Christians for a three day seminar on how to chill-the-fuck-out?
Christians Get Their Murder On
Christians have finally created an excellent video game, with loads of heathen killing and forced conversions, only to have liberals demand the game be pulled of shelves. Unaccepting hippie types want Wal-Mart to stop selling Left Behind: Eternal Forces because they say it sends the wrong message. The game is inspired by a series of Christian novels that are popular with teenagers and have sold over 60 million copies.
The novels are based on the Book of Revelation and take place after the Rapture. Jesus has already come and gone and all the nonbelievers are dealing with life under the Antichrist. And life aint so good.
The game is set in an apocalyptic New York City, where the secretary-general of the UN is the Antichrist and players can choose between the Antichrist and the Lord Jesus Christ. The only drawback is that if you do choose to fight with the Antichrist, you cannot win. If you choose Jesus, not only are you a winner but you will also be among the righteous, who are represented by gospel singers, missionaries and medics. If you fight with the Antichrist, you will battle alongside rock stars and people with Muslim-sounding names.
When asked about the Arab and Muslim-sounding names, Left Behind Games president Jeffrey Frichner said the game does not endorse prejudice. But "Muslims are not believers in Jesus Christ"and thus can't be on Christ's side in the game.
The action sounds compelling. According to Frichner, players lose "spirit points" if they shoot nonbelievers instead of converting them. But they can also earn spirit points by praying, just like in life. The overall goal of the game, according to the makers, is to bring teenagers and parents together to talk about the Bible. Amen.
US to Iraqis: Enjoy Your Democracy! Just Not Here...
in the "postwar planning" model of how the Iraq war would turn out after Hussein was removed from power (the elaborate fantasy involving cakewalks and rose petals) all of the remaining people would come together in a great orgy of democracy and forge a new government where everyone could get along. Obviously that hasn't happened, and the sectarian civil war has only gotten worse. Naturally, everyone who can leave is trying to in a mass exodus. But where should they go? Unless things change drastically, apparently not the US.
The official US policy has been that the refugee situation is temporary and that most of the estimated 1.5 million who have fled to Jordan, Syria, and elsewhere will eventually return to Iraq. But US and international officials now acknowledge that the instability in Iraq has made it too dangerous for many refugees, especially Iraqi Christians, to return any time soon.
Ellen Sauerbrey, assistant secretary of state for refugees and migration, said that while the Bush administration does not think resettlement is needed for most refugees, its policy could rapidly change.
"It is quite possible that we will in time decide that because of vulnerabilities of certain populations that resettlement is the right option," Sauerbrey said. While acknowledging that the administration originally set a quota of no more than 500 Iraqi refugees, she said the president has the legal authority to admit 20,000 additional refugees.
So as of right now, without any special dispensation there is a maximum of 500 refugees from Iraq allowed into the US each year. Not exactly overwhelming in a country whose population is over 25 million.
But the US is a big country, and we can certainly accomodate more, right? Possibly, the only problem is that for the people in charge, these refugees are a political liability.
Arthur E. "Gene" Dewey, who was President Bush's assistant secretary of state for refugee affairs until last year, said that "for political reasons the administration will discourage" the resettlement of Iraqi refugees in the United States "because of the psychological message it would send, that it is a losing cause."
But Dewey said a tipping point has been reached that is bound to change US policy because so many refugees are convinced that they will not be able to return to Iraq. That tipping point was further weighted by Wednesday's report by the Iraq Study Group that called for the eventual withdrawal of most US forces.
"I think there will increasingly be a moral obligation on the part of the United States" to allow resettlement by Iraqis here, Dewey said. "That is the price for intervention. Similar to Vietnam, that obligation is just going to have to be fulfilled."
That's putting it mildly. It's absolutely appalling that we would decide to just roll into their country, completely turn it upside down and leave people (possibly with relatives in the US) stranded with no safe place to live, just because it might make the home front a little more difficult for the president and the war planners.
We sure as hell didn't do enough to make sure the country wouldn't fall apart after the invasion, the least we can do is try and help some of the victims of this total lack of planning