California: How Not To Do It
California is officially a complete and total disaster. Our system of government is set up to fail. We have, as a populace, made such amazingly shortsighted and childlike decisions, that we now face economic doom. The death of California began in 1978 with Proposition 13 and has continued on the same path of stupidity and greed ever since. Prop 13 set the stage for the Republicans to cut taxes and not pay as you go all across the country. California is what America is going to be, so watch our states destruction closely. Its pretty pathetic.
Prop 13 decreased property taxes 30 percent and created a cap on future rates of increase. I guess the idea was that the state would then stop spending money. FAIL. I remember that year well, because its the year I started riding my bike miles to school because the buses stopped. Oh and the junior high school three blocks from my home closed, so I had to ride my bike down a busy street three miles to school, where I enjoyed larger class sizes and mobile home classrooms. Still bitter. Prop 13 then spread like a virus across the US. Within 5 years, almost half the states had passed similar laws handicapping politicians ability to raise taxes.
Some crazy asshole named Warren Buffet thinks Prop 13 is a bit of a joke.
He pointed out that the tax on his $500,000 home in Omaha increased by $1,920 that year. Meanwhile, the levy on Buffetts $4-million house in Laguna Beach, which he bought for less than $100,000 in 1971, rose by just $23.
Sweet.
So, why are other states not suffering as horribly as California? Because we let the people vote to spend money on shit we cant afford. Our wonderful ballot provision system, which allows the population to pass bonds with a simple majority vote, creates a lot of spending without all those horrible taxes to pay for it. So, politicians have to pay for it out of the general fund, which leads to massive deficits. Think a new drug treatment program is needed? Just get some signatures and throw that fucker up on the ballot. Want more spending for community colleges? Get yourself a proposition. How about rebates for peeps who buy cars that dont run on gasoline? Get a fucking proposition up in this bitch! Its been going on like this for years and now we find ourselves paying for proposition after proposition. Some believe the total cost of our propositions is 10% of the budget which just happens to be the amount of debt we are in. Huh. Welcome to the world of idiots, also known as pure democracy.
During good times, we pass 68% of our propositions, while during bad times, we get all smart and shit and only pass 23%. Of course, spending doesnt stop when we go from the good times to the bad times, so we basically go ape fuck when the money is rolling in and then have to continue paying for it when its not.
Currently, our state government is in a stalemate. Republicans refuse to increase taxes because, apparently, they dont want the state to pay its bills. The governor has ordered state employees to take two unpaid days off a week and the state is issuing IOUs instead of tax returns and other awesome stuff. Most grown ups realize you have to pay for shit. Republicans disagree. They want to cut spending on everything. You know, like those school buses that were cut and the school that was closed when I was a kid. We should apparently cut more buses and close more schools.
Schwarzenegger came into office because we recalled our last governor for lying about the budget, or some nonsense. Then he made it far, far worse. Since 2003, Schwarzenegger and the Legislature have spent $10.2 billion beyond the rate of inflation. The vast majority of that money was spent on programs Californians want. Which means we should pay for them. Thats how the adult world works, Republicans. Actual state government spending grew at a rate below that of inflation and population growth. The real cost came from voter initiatives and court lawsuits the state lost.
If you factor out voter initiatives and court suits, the remaining part of state government grew at or less than inflation and population growth," said John Laird, a Santa Cruz Democrat who served as Assembly Budget Committee chairman from 2004 to 2008.
The biggest financial disaster of a ballot measure was the 3 strikes and youre out bullshit we passed in 1994. The amount of money we are now spending to keep non-violent criminals in jail for life is ridiculous. Again, that was a proposition passed by a simple majority vote of California idiots, because some local clown in Fresno knows better than a judge.
Its not all about state ballot measures however. Our dipshit governor cut vehicle license fees as his first act. Total cost? Six billion dollars a year. Nice work. Seriously, that turned out really well, like The Last Action Hero.
This debt was doable during the okay times, but we are past those now. Now we are looking at a colossal disaster because our shockingly retarded system is even more shockingly retarded. The Legislature requires a two-thirds vote to raise taxes. So, a few Republicans are holding a largely liberal state hostage by not allowing us to raise taxes to pay for the shit we voted for. Maybe if we increased taxes, then people wouldnt be so fucking excited to pass so many ballot measures. Ever think of that, you jackasses? Any state that allows ballot measures to pass with a majority vote, but wont let elected officials increase taxes without a two-thirds vote is a complete and total asshole.
Yes, I just called the state of California an asshole. Grow up, you pathetic bitch.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #49
Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day you look forward to all week, because it makes you feel better about your life. The Buddha was the first guy to say, You know what? We really need to look down on some fuckers. And then Jesus said, No shit, bro. Thats how the Asshole Fuckface Roundup started. True story.
Each week I scour the news to find the worst people on the planet. Then I display them in all their glory for you to mock and imagine throwing rocks at. They are hideous beasts and we are better than them. Hoorah. Now, wrap yourself in several layers of newspaper and prepare yourself mentally, because this is going to be ugly.
My first Asshole Fuckface probably shouldnt be breeding.
Meet Stacie Marie Davis, 29, of Cookeville, Tennessee. Shes the mother of nine-month-old daughter, Autumn. Last week, Stacie and Autumn were sitting on the kitchen floor, when the baby bit Davis on the forehead. Wow. Shocking. Imagine that. Youre just sitting on the floor with your baby when it lashes out and tries to eat your head. What to do?
Police said Davis and her child were sitting on the kitchen floor when Autumn became cranky and fussy. The child bit Davis on the forehead.
"So, I bit her back," Davis said.
Fuck yeah, you did. Dont take no shit from that baby! If she hits you, punch her soft skull. You want some of this shit, baby? Huh? Cause I got more where that come from. You've got to teach that little bitch a lesson, even though she doesnt have the ability to understand reason yet.
Stacie was arrested after a family member snitched. When the police investigated nine hours later, Autumn still had teeth marks on her arm. You know, from where HER MOTHER BIT HER. Autumn has been placed with her father, but Stacie is going to fight to get her daughter back.
Davis still interacts with the child. She said she made a foolish mistake, one she won't do again.
"I'm going to be strong for her and I'm going to her back. I'm going to go to court and do what I have to do and I love her," she said.
Super. And dont chew on your baby anymore.
Thankfully, Davis seems to understand it was wrong.
"It was the wrong thing to do. I got some bad advice and I feel bad about it," she said.
Bad advice? What the fuck? Someone actually recommended this? Hello mystery Asshole Fuckface. Welcome. Now, please bite yourself in the face. (I dont know, either.)
Hopefully, the father isnt Asshole Fuckface Marquis Lee of Newport, Virginia. If that is Autumn's Dad, shes totally fucked.
A 26-year-old man is charged with child abuse after authorities say he threw his 10-month-old daughter at a police officer in a desperate attempt to escape arrest for an earlier incident.
The officer saw Lee walking past, carrying the couple's daughter. When the officer tried to arrest him, Lee allegedly tossed the child at him and tried to run away.
Bad week to be a baby.
Lee has been charged with assault and battery, resisting arrest, child abuse and neglect, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. I guess there is no specific law against baby throwing.
Next up, an Asshole Fuckface judge.
Oh, Texas, why so batshit crazy?
This week a family in Cameron County sued a judge not for cash, they just want the Asshole Fuckface removed from the bench. Why? Well, it seems their 14-year-old daughter was appearing in Gustavo Garzas court on a charge of truancy and the judge got all Singapore on her ass.
The family alleges that Garza told Zurita to strike his 14-year-old stepdaughter repeatedly on the buttocks in open court. It says the judge told Zurita the girl would be fined $500 if she wasn't paddled.
Zurita said in an affidavit that he didn't feel as though he had a choice and that when he was done, the judge told him he had not struck the girl hard enough.
Um. Thats great for a young girls self image. A nice public ass paddling always does a teen girl good. Im sure she wont be in court for truancy again, mostly because shes still curled up in a ball in her shower.
The word 'club' could be fairly used as a substitute for the word 'paddle' here as it appears to be something which may have been cut from a (2-by-4) piece of lumber," attorney Mark Sossi wrote in the family's petition.
"The paddles provided by the judge are of such heft and weight that an individual striking an animal with one might be reasonably reported for cruelty to an animal.
I guess it really depends on the animal. For instance, a hamster would be pretty fucked, while a cow wouldnt even bat an eye. But neither of those animals are familiar with shame, like a 14-year-old girl.
The judge has refused to say whether or not other people have been spanked in his court and if he jerks off under his robe while the spankings take place. Yesterday, a hearing on his spanking restraining order was postponed so the Asshole Fuckface could find a lawyer. (Apparently, Judge Spanky McSpankerman didn't know he'd need a lawyer.)
Next up, some California tax happy Asshole Fuckfaces.
We here in California are seriously retarded when it comes to taxes. Thirty years ago we approved the horrible tax cut Proposition 13, which has caused our state to turn to shit. Our roads suck. Our schools are a fucking disaster. Every year we cut back on more health services and more and more people suffer. While our idiot lawmakers make sure there are no taxes on luxury yachts, some of them are campaigning to implement a massive tax on porn.
Meet Asshole Fuckface Democrats Cathleen Galgiani and Charles Calderon of the California State Assembly. They think porn is bad and they want it to be taxed like cigarettes and alcohol. They have proposed a 25 percent tax be levied on strip club fees, pornographic movies, pay-per-view films, sex toys and more. If it gives you a boner, or makes your vagina moist, you should have to pay.
The bill would actually be applied to anything that falls under our 2257 Section 18 laws. What does that mean?
Any item, including but not limited to a book, magazine, periodical, film, videotape, digital image or digitally or computer-manipulated image that includes "sexually explicit conduct."
Sexually explicit conduct is defined as "sexual intercourse, including genital-genital, oral-genital, anal-genital or oral-anal, whether between persons of the same or opposite sex; masturbation; sadistic or masochistic abuse; lascivious exhibition of the genitals or pubic area of any person."
So, basically, fun. They want to tax fun.
Asshole Fuckface Calderon has been touring the state with ex-porn stars, who explain how horrible porn is and why it should be taxed. This might be a good time to mention that what an ex porn star thinks of the effects of porn doesnt fucking matter. Then again, we are so fucking moronic, maybe we had ex-brewers tour the state when we were implementing our last alcohol tax.
Shelley Lubben, an ex-porn star who now campaigns against the industry with the group Pink Cross, said a tax is justified because of the ill effects porn has on performers and consumers. Everything from addiction to drugs or sex itself, assault, disease, rape and prostitution can be counted as side effects of the industry, she said.
Heres a tip: How about a psychologist or a medical doctor who has some sort of proof of the negative effects of porn? Oh, you cant find anyone? Well, good luck because for some reason, the I used to fuck on camera lady doesnt really persuade me that I should have to pay more to jerk off.
And thats really what we are talking about here. They are trying to compare it to alcohol and tobacco, but there is no comparison. Porn makes you want to rub you little man in the boat, or tug on your Johnson. It doesnt cause cancer unless youre doing it really, really wrong.
Asshole Fuckfaces Calderon and Galgiani believe the taxes could raise $665 million a year. And who is going to stand up for porn? It's a huge boner kill.
Finally, we come to our video Asshole Fuckface of the week.
John McCains campaign continues to show the world how horribly inept they are when it comes to the internet. It is really astounding how old gramps and his people look every time they come near the crazy world of tubes. This week, they started an online contest to find the best person in the world, or some shit like that.
Holy fucking shit! Dude, you can actually tape that shit more than once. You dont have to go with the first try. And congrats on the lamest contest, ever. Seriously, that should be awesome if you are able to build a time machine and go back about twenty years. Im going to be very inspired by the idiots on You Tube nominating their moronic neighbors because of the perceived right wing selfless acts.
Of course it will lead to the horrible, inevitable posting. Check out this Asshole Fuckface submission:
Asshole Fuckface, indeed.
Congrats to all of this weeks Asshole Fuckfaces. You will each win a FearTheReaper engraved hammer to hit yourselves in the face with.
Fun with Cephalopods
Cephalopods are awesome. They are incredibly sexy and the most intelligent class of invertebrates. Due to the totally bomb-ass nature of these head-foots, I am hereby dedicating this months edition of "Awe and Wonder" to the cephalopod. And what better way to begin than with the sex life of octopuses!
Until recently, not much was known about the mating habits of octopodes due to their shyness (I dont blame them; Id be a little frigid if some pervy scholar were taking notes on how I like to get it on, too). But some intrepid biologists at UC Berkeley studying the octopus species Abdopus aculeatus have observed a number of surprising behaviors in the little Lotharios:
...macho octopuses that didn't just mate with the first female that crossed their path. Many picked out a specific sex partner and jealously guarded her den for several days, warding off rivals to the point of strangling them if they got too close. When flirting or fighting, they would signal their manliness by displaying striped body patterns.
That sounds like more than a few of my ex-boyfriends. Strangling, striped body patterns... Chris, you were an octopus all along!
Researchers also saw small "sneaker" males that moved in on unsuspecting conquests by masquerading as females. They did this by swimming low to the ground in feminine fashion and not displaying their "male" brown stripe.
So if the pulpo macho thing doesnt work out, the little dudes simply continue in the venerable tradition of Publius Clodius Pulcher and cross-dress to get to the ladies. I like this a lot; just think of a sea full of a bunch of little eight-legged Dr. Frank-N-Furters. So posh!
Moving across the cephalopods, we come to the squid. Now, we all know that cephalopods are quite squishy and apparently enjoy using this trait to crawl into jars (hat tip to the inimitable Karl Pilkington), so at some point Im certain that quite a few people have begun to wonder how something so... so... gelatinous could manage to exist with a beak as hard and as sharp as it has. The critters are made for cutting themselves (whether or not squids enjoy the Cure is yet to be seen.)
Researchers at UC Santa Barbara (you Californians have all the fun!) have been studying the Humboldt squid, Dosidicus gigas, in order to figure out how this incredible beak works. Its actually pretty amazing. The tip of the squids beak is exceedingly stiff, while the part attached to the squids body is 100 times more pliable, keeping it from tearing into the soft bits while still permitting the tearing-into of the soft bits of others.
UCSB engineer Frank Zok lays it out for us:
You can imagine the problems you'd encounter if you attached a knife blade to a block of Jell-o and tried to use that blade for cutting. The blade would cut through the Jell-o at least as much as the targeted object. In the case of the squid beak, nature takes care of the problem by changing the beak composition progressively, rather than abruptly, so that its tip can pierce prey without harming the squid in the process. It's a truly fascinating design!
Truly fascinating, Dr. Zok!
Zoks co-author, Herb Waite, focuses on something rather different than just the construction of a little beaknamely, what that beak can do:
Squids can be aggressive, whimsical, suddenly mean, and they are always hungry. You wouldn't want to be diving next to one. A dozen of them could eat you, or really hurt you a lot.
Why are squids such fucking assholes? While their cousins are simply content strangling passers-by and dressing up like the opposite sex, squids run rampant through the ocean eating people or hurting them a lot. The Kraken is apparently real and lives off the coast of Santa Barbara. Take that, hippies!
Actually, the more I read about the Humboldt squid, the more I am convinced that this creepy cephalopod is probably the Antichrist. And, like any good Antichrist, homeboy is situating himself in Northern California.
This ravenous species of squid has left its usual habitat and has settled along the Pacific coast of the United States, eating up a number of species that we humans like to eat. The above video is worth watching if only to see a bunch of grizzled old fisherdudes completely freak out over these creatures, which, like some nightmarish Lovecraftian dream, eat anything that moves in a manner described as similar to how we eat corn on the cob. Anything that moves does, apparently, include humans. The fact that the first fisherman interviewed describes them as like some kind of an alien thats about to come after [you] only serves to confirm the obvious: the Star-Spawn of Cthulhu are hanging out in the San Francisco Bay, eating people like corn, and waiting until the stars are right.
So, while octopuses are our sexy friends with whom we can rassle and dress up in womens clothing, the squids are their evil twins bent on enslaving humanity and raising us as mere cattle. Like most people, I once thought the intelligence of these creatures to be nifty and super-cool, but it is indeed a great deal more sinister. As I write, I am forming a non-profit organization to investigate this tentacled peril. If you are interested in donating to this worthy cause, please send money, size 37 Louboutins, and/or first editions of 19th and 20th century occult texts to Flux Suicide c/o Grand Central Station.
Flux, of course, is quite fond of Northern California and sincerely hopes that you are not consumed by demon squids any time in the near future: certainly not before I make it to Zeitgeist again.
Back Off Our Illegal Immigrants, Jorge
George Bush has decided to crack down on illegal immigration, which will have a negative effect on Californias economy. Currently, more than 800,000 people work on California farms and more than half are undocumented. 60% of Californians believe that illegal immigrants should be allowed to apply for legal work permits. Conservatives are always for states rights and smaller government, unless they dont want to be, like with the administrations current War on Pot and now, the War on Immigrants.
Bushs crackdown will target employers. The Department of Homeland Security will send out no match letters to businesses.
If an employee's Social Security information does not match those on file with the federal government, the employer will be required to fire the worker within 90 days, if the discrepancy can't be resolved. If the worker isn't fired, the employer will be subject to a $2,200 fine per worker, and stiffer penalties later on.
Awesome. That should not drive up prices, especially of agriculture products. The US has a 4.6% unemployment rate, so we actually need foreign workers in businesses like agriculture. Ex-Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan believes that immigrants help to sustain the growth and productivity of the economy. The net effect is positive.
Harvard's George Borjas says the average American's wealth is increased by less than 1 percent because of illegal immigration.
Additionally, if suddenly a large number of illegal immigrants are forced out of work over a 90 day period, where do they go? Would any of them turn to crime to pay the bills? What happens to all the money they spend on groceries, rent, cars, cell phones, haircuts and clothes? What happens to Sears? More importantly, why does Bush hate Sears?
The idea that illegal immigrants are a massive drain on our economy is a load of horseshit. Sure, they dont pay income taxes and they use schools and other government services, which is a negative. But there are also many positives. They use false Social Security numbers and that money goes into they system. They never see a dime. Its free money for us.
And illegal immigrants actually create jobs. Oh, you read that right, bitch. Its a pretty simple concept to understand.
The availability of foreign workers at low wages in the Nebraska poultry industry made companies realize that they had the personnel to expand. So they invested in new equipment, generating jobs that would not otherwise be there.
Illegal immigrants also free up time of higher-skilled workers. so they can earn more money. Not that I have an immigrant maid, but if I did, it would give me more time to write and generate income. It would also allow my wife extra time to see clients in her private practice. Lydia, if she was real, would come to my home and clean it once a week for 5 hours and we could use that freed up time to make more money. If Lydia were real, she would come on Wednesdays at 9 am, wake me up, annoy me with her clattering around and force me to go to Starbucks to work. But that would only be if she was real.
Across the entire labor force, the effect of illegal immigrants was zero, because the presence of uneducated immigrants actually increased the earnings of more educated workers, including high school graduates.
Anti-immigrant people think there are plenty of Americans willing to do the jobs that immigrants work. The immigrants are taking jobs from Americans! Of course, they are mainly uneducated, poor Americans and for some reason the right wing suddenly cares about them, but that is another topic. The theory is also total bullshit. California has more immigrants than any other state and during the illegal immigration rush of the last 25 years
The wages of high school dropouts in California fell 17 percent from 1980 to 2004.
Wow! Holy fucking shit! Those damn immigrants! Right?
Unlike California, Ohio remains mostly free of illegal immigrants. And what happened to the wages of Ohio's high school dropouts from 1980 to 2004? They fell 31 percent.
Huh. That doesnt really support the Theyre taking our jobs theory. It does support the, No increase in minimum wage theory as well as the, Technology is replacing workers theory and the "NAFTA theory." Also, over the last 25 years the number of high-school dropouts has fallen sharply, which means the number of people who want to do those jobs is falling. That is especially true in agriculture.
In California's strawberry patches, illegal immigrants are not competing against native workers; they are competing against pickers in Michoacán, Mexico. If the immigrant pickers did not come north across the border, the strawberries would.
Thats right. If you force all illegal immigrants out of the country, even more jobs will head south of the border. The anti-immigrant folks are also the same people who scream about jobs going to Mexico because of NAFTA. But, if their effort to get rid of all the illegal immigrants succeeds, they will increase the effect of NAFTA and send more jobs to Mexico. Its like they hate themselves!
But none of that will stop Bush from implementing his no match plan. As a plus, it will hurt the California economy. Republicans love to hurt the California economy because the state gives a lot of money to Democratic candidates. Its the new California electricity crisis! Go get 'em, Bush. It's another well-thought-out plan.
Big in Korea: Slimy Undersea Aphrodisiac
Nothing says good-time boner quite like a slime excreting, carrion feasting, hideously-uggz hagfish. Mmm, hagfish, teach me how to love; with your creepy prehensile penis-like body and your mouth puckered like an alien asshole, you sure do push my buttons
Pardon me, I just get so excited when exposed to bottom-dwelling freaks of nature like the West Coast dwelling hagfish. And Im not the only one. The Associated Press reports that the disgusting sea-beast commands quite the selling price in South Korea, where the fish is often broiled and served as an appetizer.
Peter Chu, a seafood exporter in Eureka, Calif., said the fish sells for as much as $20 a pound in South Korea, which he estimates consumes 9 million pounds a year.
"There's a myth there that it's an aphrodisiac. It gives you energy like Viagra," Chu said. "It's like oysters here."
In fact, theres such a hot market for the fish that Californian fishermen are breaking laws in order to catch them, including fishing without permits and using oversized traps. Currently theres no limit on how many Hagfish can be caught by a single fisherman, but the demand for the fish is new, so experts dont know what effect this will have on the Pacific population.
But lets take the time to learn a little about our disgustingly edible friends. For starters: guess how they eat. Whats that? Ummm, no, they don't eat algae, kelp or plankton. They eat the guts of other fish, be they living, dead, or somewhere in between. Now guess how they get to those guts! Says Wikipedia:
While having no ability to enter through skin, they will often enter through current openings such as the mouth, gills or anus.
Once the hagfish has worked its way inside another sea animal, it uses the teeth-like projections on its tongue to feed on the tasty innards. Here's its sensual mouth:
But the most remarkable feature of the hagfish is its defense mechanism. When attacked, the fish excretes actual slime. The slime -- which is supposed to smell awful -- coagulates the surrounding water, hopefully distracting the fisherman or predator, or at the very least completely grossing him / her / it out. Words don't do the slime justice; just watch:
Now that you've learned something of the hagfish and its fascinating anatomical functions you can understand why so many people would want to eat one. I mean, it's hard not to build up an appetite watching that video; I might just have to take a trip to Koreatown... Slime-filled belly: here I come.
UCLA Powers Up on Ethnicity
Is it depressing to anyone else that the subject of minorities going to a state college is apparently so newsworthy and such a big deal that it winds up on the front page of LA Times online? And yet, here it is, because the percentage of black students who plan to attend UCLA this coming fall has skyrocketed to 4.5%, double the percentage of this year's freshman class at a measly 2.2%.
UCLA's acting chancellor, Norman Abrams, said he was pleased with the increase. He thanked alumni and current students for raising scholarship donations and sponsoring recruiting events to woo blacks, who were accepted to the school but were wavering over enrolling.
Abrams insisted that all was done without violating Proposition 209, the voter-approved state initiative that bans the use of race in university admissions.
"I think we got the message out that we are a welcoming environment and that we have this great legacy and tradition with regard to African American students," Abrams said, referring to such illustrious black alumni as former Los Angeles mayor Tom Bradley and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Ralph Bunche.
I had the privilege of attending one of those "very special admit day" recruiting events as an incoming freshman at UCSD, back when they were trying to bump up their black and Latino demographic from a combined 11%; it mostly consisted of seminars on how to deflect all your relatives going "What, you think you're better than us now?!" and then a free dinner and some chill-out time in the dorms. It was kind of weird and uncomfortable, but I guess not altogether invalid and it must work on some level. I would still hazard a guess that the scholarship donations work better, because ethnic pandering does tend to turn a lot of people off.
Even with the new scholarships, UCLA obviously did not win all the accepted black students. For example, Courtney Porter, a Carson resident who attends the King/Drew Medical Magnet High School, chose UC Berkeley, she said, partly because of its northern California location and partly because she felt more genuinely welcomed there.
"I had a feeling that UCLA was desperate for African American students and recruiting me more just to get their numbers up," she said.
The tricky part of all this is that schools are trying to broaden their diversity while still falling inside the lines of Proposition 209, which is this fun thing Californians voted for a few years back that led to "blind admissions" process. You see, a lot of people like to believe that all children have equal potential and only differing motivation; this is possibly somewhat true in theory, but once you add in equal access to study guides and AP tests and outside reading and Kaplan test-prep tutoring and all the free time to devote to such when you're not out working a job to help support your family, the theory becomes a little less rooted in reality. Apparently school officials are starting to realize that a little bit, because now it seems they are scrambling to gerrymander the importance of "life experience" (i.e. socioeconomics) without getting too politically incorrect.
Asian Americans will make up the largest ethnic share of the class, as they have for several years: an expected 1,854 freshmen, or 41.2% of the U.S. students, a drop from 44.6% last year. White enrollment is expected to be 1,481, or 32.9 %, compared to 32.1% last year. The number of Latino freshmen is up slightly, to 657, representing 14.6%, compared to 13.9% last year.
Officials attributed some of those changes to a more "holistic" admissions process this year in which applicants' grades and test scores were reviewed more fully in context of their life experiences and achievements. UC leaders say that process was race-blind.
Former UC Regent Ward Connerly, the conservative architect of Proposition 209, said the new scholarship effort did not break the law. "Certainly, if people privately want to offer scholarships, that's their business and I have no problem with them using their money however they see fit."
But he said he suspected the application review process that looks at students' non-academic record was unequally applied in some cases to blacks and Latinos versus whites and Asians. "I wish I weren't suspicious," said Connerly, who is chairman of the American Civil Rights Institute, based in Sacramento.
It's a tough situation all around. Nobody who goes to UC schools has any false pretenses about their ethnic make-up, and to be frank, why shouldn't life experiences be given equal weight to grades and test scores? Even Ivy League schools are finding out that numbers aren't everything.
Really though, I'm just looking forward to a day when we can look at ethnicity demographics at universities and legitimately roll eyes and say, "how is this news?" At 4.5%, I don't think it's quite there yet.
Los Angeles Aflame: Progressions and Progress Thus Far
I was really excited when Arnold Schwarzenegger became the governor of California back in 2003 -- not because of his politics, but because (a.) nothing is as sweet as having The Terminator's signature on your college diploma, and (b.) I knew that he would work hard to make our state the very best ACTION STATE in the union. So far he has not let us down: since his inauguration, it's been nothing but earthquakes and mudslides and floods and more earthquakes and the biggest fucking fire in Southern California history (that last one practically inches away from my face).
So you may have heard about the latest installment to come barreling out of what I like to call "Operation: Constant State of Action!": on Tuesday afternoon, flames went up in Griffith Park, one of the most famous and historical areas of Los Angeles.
Firefighters struggled Tuesday night to contain wind-whipped flames that scorched hundreds of acres in Griffith Park, forced the evacuation of some of Los Angeles' best-known landmarks and raced toward hillside homes in Los Feliz, prompting a hasty evacuation...
The Observatory, Greek Theatre, Los Angeles Zoo, Travel Town and Museum of the American West, as well as nearby golf courses, a magnet school and boys camp were evacuated Tuesday afternoon as firefighters dealt with erratic winds and bone-dry brush that has received less than 4 inches of rain in the last year.
They were hoping for rain, or at least for moist air, but we're in Southern California and it's not February anymore, so survey says hot winds aplenty, which pushed the fire further south into the Hollywood Hills. By 10PM, three hundred people had to be evacuated (including some of our own), and there was no containment in sight.
If Griffith Park Observatory and the Greek go up, it will be extremely depressing, but the most concerning thing right now is the state of the Los Angeles Zoo, which is also in the path of potential mayhem. Thankfully all the animals (and the zookeepers who have stayed on site to take care of them) are doing fine so far. Apparently they are down with a little non-screaming-children action every now and then.
With a veil of smoke visible in the hills, zoo staffers said Wednesday that animals were calm and seemingly unbothered by the faint smell of smoke wafting on the breeze...."Even along the edges" of the zoo, principal keeper Jeff Briscoe said, "the animals seem oblivious." Briscoe, who stayed at the zoo until 3 a.m. Wednesday, checked on the zoo's two high-profile elephants through the night. "They're fine. They're not even aware of it," he said.
There was one thing unusual at the zoo, however: It was closed to the public, as were all access roads. So with the zoo devoid of noisy patrons and screaming children, animals luxuriated in the quiet.
A chimpanzee toting an onion strolled across its exhibit, past a rushing waterfall that drowned out the thud-thud-thud of a helicopter overhead. A bachelor herd of Nubian ibexes monitored the zoo scene from a high rock ledge while two gerenuks in another exhibit propped their slender legs up on a tree to browse... Billy, the zoo's bull elephant, flipped a trunkful of dirt over his head onto his back to cool himself.
Excellent. I hope things continue that way, and it seems like they might. As of this morning, thanks to the fine airborne precision work of the LAFD, combined with that cooler ocean air finally pulling through, the 800-plus-acre fire is said to be 75% contained.
The 817-acre Griffith Park fire has been largely extinguished but the blaze is not expected to be fully contained until tonight, and the city's largest park and its major attractions -- including the zoo and observatory -- remained closed today, officials said.
Firefighters, aided by a cool and damp marine layer, have contained about 75% of the blaze, Los Angeles Fire Department spokeswoman Melissa Kelley said this morning. Full containment, in the form of a 100-foot wide perimeter, is expected by about 6 p.m. today.
So that's relatively good news. As far as determining what exactly caused the fire, and whether or not it was charge-pressable arson, the investigation continues. There was some suspicion at first involving a certain sleepy golfer, but the police seem to have let that one go.
Fire investigators remained interested in a man who was found with burns on a park golf course as the possible source of the fire, authorities said. But police Sgt. Lee Sands said the department was finished questioning the man and did not consider him a "person of interest."
The man, in his early 20s, suffered second- and third-degree burns to his upper torso. David Schaefer, a Fire Department paramedic who treated him, said the man told him he fell asleep while smoking a cigarette and woke up with his shirt on fire.
"At this point there's no indication that it was anything but an accident," said Battalion Chief John Miller, who oversees arson investigations.
And so it goes, for now. The LA Times has a running blog with breaking news on the subject, if you're interested in reading more. Cross your fingers that by tonight there won't be much more to report besides the cleaning-up and the aftermath.
Then we can move on to whatever disaster-movie-in-the-making our awesome state has in store for us next.
Save The Lightbulb, Save The World
Next week, California Assemblyman Lloyd Levine will introduce a bill that could make California the first state to ban incandescent lightbulbs. Why is he so mad at lightbulbs, you ask? Because they are very, very, very, very, very, very slowly destroying the world. The initiative is designed to reduce energy use and therefore cut down on greenhouse gases.
Levine called the bill the "How Many Legislators Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb Act" because he is not funny. If passed, Californians will have to make the switch to fluorescent lightbulbs by 2012 or face a possible visit from the incandescent lightbulb death squad.
"Incandescent lightbulbs were first developed almost 125 years ago, and since that time they have undergone no major modifications," California Assemblyman Lloyd Levine said on Tuesday. "Meanwhile, they remain incredibly inefficient, converting only about 5 percent of the energy they receive into light."
Fluorescent lightbulbs use only 25 percent of the energy of conventional lightbulbs. They were introduced in 1980 and make up 5 percent of the 2 billion lightbulbs sold in the US. A 20-watt fluorescent bulb gives off as much light as a 75-watt bulb, lasts 13 times longer and the average home will save $40 to $50 dollars a year if all bulbs are replaced.
Tax Man Kicks The Shit Out Of A Dude
An anonymous Californian just made a deal to avoid jail time for unpaid taxes and saved the states ass at the same time. Taxpayer X agreed to pay $200 million but sadly, we will never know who he or she is.
In California state officials can be imprisoned for disclosing tax records. The state wont say who coughed up the dough or why, just that it is an individual. Taxpayer X probably had an income of around $2 billion.
The tax bonanza was a result of Governor Schwarznegger offering individual taxpayers amnesty.
"It happened the very first month of the amnesty," said Claudia Hill, owner of a highly respected Silicon Valley tax firm, Tax Mam, Inc., and editor in chief of the Journal of Tax Practices and Procedures. "We were all laughing when the state came out so quickly and called (the amnesty) a success because the scuttlebutt was that it was all from one person."
California is currently $47 million below state revenue projections. Construction and real estate sales are down, which has caused the state income to fall. If Taxpayer X was not ponying up $200 million, California would be down $250 million. Go taxes!
Dear To Me at Rowan Morrison
This Friday, September 1st, a show opens at Oakland's Rowan Morrison, a contemporary art gallery in Oakland, CA. Showing the photography of Jen Siska in a show titled Dear To Me, visit with the artist from 7-10pm at the reception. The artist self-describes her photography as an experiment between two natural light techniques: The first, mostly of landscapes, an attempt at recording environments with a kind of open-eyed wonder and honesty; the other, portraiture of "intriguing" people shot in simple, undirected sessions.
Photo Location
The show runs through September 24th. Plan a visit or check out more of Jen's work.
California Considers Hemp
If you ask those in favor of legalizing hemp, it is the panacea of modern agriculture, capable of being used for construction, paper, clothing, and even cleaning the environment. It seems that California has caught the hemp bug as well, and a bill that would approve the agricultural growing of hemp has passed the state legislature and is waiting for Schwarzenegger's final approval.
California is the first state that would directly challenge the federal ban, arguing that it does not need a D.E.A. permit, echoing the states longstanding fight with the federal authorities over its legalization of medicinal marijuana. The hemp bill would require farmers who grow it to undergo crop testing to ensure their variety of cannabis is nonhallucinogenic; its authors say it has been carefully worded to avoid conflicting with the federal Controlled Substances Act.
But those efforts have not satisfied federal and state drug enforcement authorities, who argue that fields of industrial hemp would only serve as hiding places for illicit cannabis. The California Narcotic Officers Association opposes the bill, and a spokesman for the Office of National Drug Control Policy in Washington said the measure was unworkable.
Drug enforcement agencies aren't really known for their openness to new ideas or progressive thought, so it's not entirely surprising that groups that still subscribe to Reefer Madness theories on marijuana display such dogged determination in preventing the cultivation of marijuana. What these dolts fail to realize, however, is that hemp is virtually useless as an intoxicant, and actually hurts illicit marijuana cultivation.
They want to lump together all things cannabis, said David Bronner, 33, whose familys squeeze-bottle Dr. Bronners Magic Soaps, based in Escondido, Calif., are made with hemp oil. You dont associate a poppy seed bagel with opium.
[...]
Ernest Small, a Canadian researcher who co-wrote a major hemp study in 2002 for Purdue University, compared the genetic differences to those that separate racehorses from plow horses. Evolution, Mr. Small said, has almost completely bred T.H.C. out of industrial hemp, which by law must have a concentration of no more than three-tenths of 1 percent.
[...]
To some people intimate with the nuances of marijuana, however, the idea of hiding marijuana in a hemp field, where the plants would cross-pollinate, provokes amusement.
It would be the end of outdoors marijuana, said Jack Heber, 67, a marijuana historian and author who runs a group called Help End Marijuana Prohibition, or HEMP. If it gets mixed with that crop, its a disaster.
To many people familiar with marijuana, the thought of the government getting its panties in a bunch over the prospect of someone smoking a joint would be hilarious if it didn't result in so many incarcerations. But what's really funny here is that no stoner would ever even bother to attempt to smoke industrial grade hemp. It just... doesn't haven't enough THC in it to do much of anything. And having male hemp plants in a field with female (which are typically used for illicit marijuana cultivation) plants will eliminate their usefulness for growing marijjuana for smoking, since pollination will cause the "buds" (the richest source of THC) to go to seed, rendering them unsmokable.
Schwarzenegger might just pass this bill, but it will be guaranteeing him a variety of headaches brought on by the federal government when they ignore the facts about hemp and monomaniacally pursue their dated agenda.