Steve McQueen's Corpse Rolls Over, Cocks Loaded .45
It seems Brad Pitt is remaking the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt.
I like Brad Pitt. Even though it makes my job that much harder, I have to admit, he's good. In theory, he's hate-able. In execution, he's actually a laid back-seeming guy, underrated actor and a pretty good movie "tough guy."
What he isn't, is anywhere close to as cool as fucking Steve McQueen. They could've done worse, but, ideally, they wouldn't have done it at all.
McQueen was and is, the coolest. His movies should be left alone, in some place where awesome things go to be awesome. I'd sooner see you remake the bible with a wise-cracking "Hay-zeus" who sports a goatee and drives a jet boat-Ark... Or re-do the Mona Lisa with indiglo paint, a hidden eye gimmick and Waldo. (I found these references in a book on 1998. It was pretty good.)
How about a remake/re-imagining called Citizen Cane, featuring the animated misadventures of a lovable walking stick and the people he helps, voiced with re-cut Orson Welles' clips. How about you take that idea...
Or the umpteenth variation on one of those poignant, "We thought we were teaching him.. but he was teaching us... Hold on, we actually were teaching him after all," feel good films about a mentally-challenged, Native American Martian. (See, he was Native American but raised by Martians who, at some point, accidentally damaged his brain.)
But no, they had to go and try to remake a classic. Did Alec Baldwin do such a good job on The Getaway? Did Pierce Brosnan hit The Thomas Crown Affair, out of the park? The answers are "no" and "no." Oh, I'm not linking to their imdb pages but if you crave mediocrity, go take a look.
I know it's been said far too many times but please stop remaking movies. This film is as kick-ass as it will ever be. '68 Mustang, iconic turtleneck, Steve McQueen playing "Frank Bullitt," and the greatest car chase ever put on film.
Get ready for '08 Mustang (as well as every other car Ford makes thanks to the inevitable product placement), a shirt unbuttoned to the waist for no apparent reason, Pitt playing "Ray Gunz," and a CGI cluster-fuck. No doubt set to the this song, which one guy loved so much in Kill Bill he decided to put it in his own movie. That's cool, right?
Without McQueen this is a standard idea. Renegade cop crosses the line to protect a witness, drives cars fast. Is this a story Hollywood has yet to tackle post-Bullitt? It is? Then go make it and call it something else.
According to legend, McQueen and the film's director were allowed to ride along with the San Francisco Police. The cops didn't care for McQueen and tried to spook him by inviting him on a tour of the city morgue. Unfazed, McQueen showed up carrying a sack lunch... I had a hack joke involving Pitt bringing a vomit bag all set to go, then came to my senses. Like I said, I like Pitt. So, let's just say that maybe Pitt would've shown up with an apple, but I'm betting McQueen ate oysters.
TheCoolerKing, who took his very own name from a McQueen film, is guessing not enough people know who McQueen is to bother clicking on this article.
Brad Pitt Furious Over E! Network Trespassers
An E! Network television producer and cameraman really pissed off Brad Pitt last week when they strolled around the property surrounding his Hollywood Hills home. While Pitt was with his partner and family in India, the E! kids made themselves welcome on his property.
The pair from E! Networks parked a van outside the home Oct. 20, ignored a no trespassing sign and walked onto the property, where construction workers spotted them, a representative for Pitt said.
We think they opened the gate, Cindy Guagenti said.
The film crew meandered around the property a bit, later returning to their van to drive away. After learning of the trespass, Pitts private security team contacted Los Angeles police to file a trespassing report.
The E! Network representatives claimed they do not support the actions of the producer and cameraman. The two deny any illegal activity took place; however, E! fired the guys.
E! Networks did not instruct or authorize anyone working on its program to improperly intrude onto private property, and the individuals involved have been terminated, the statement said. While neither Mr. Pitt nor his family were at the property when the incident took place, the network in no way condones or encourages such behavior and would.
Pitts reps reviewed the offense and his legal team considered further legal action against E!
"Yes, we have filed trespassing charges against E! and are exploring our legal options against both the crew that actually trespassed and the network itself."
In other Pitt-related news, his baby-momma, Angelina Jolie, is still hanging out in Pune, India, where she remained unbelievably hot.
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Angelina Jolie Continues to Dodge Daddy
Despite many apologies, Angelina Jolie never forgave her dad for calling her crazy. A few years ago, Jon Voight proclaimed his daughter had serious mental problems.
He told Access Hollywood at the time: "I haven't come forward and addressed the serious mental problems she has spoken about so candidly to the press over the years, but I've tried behind the scenes in every way."
The two remained estranged, and Jolie clearly isnt ready to forget about those comments; at a birthday party for actor Scott Caan, the actress and her baby daddy, Brad Pitt, went to extremes to avoid a run in with Voight.
The ultimate celebrity couple spent a half-hour sitting in their car out side the party after learning that Voight was in side. Pitt finally went in by him self to pay respects to Caan, his co-star in Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12. Moments after Pitt's arrival, his presumptive father-in-law left the party, paving the way for Jolie to enter through a back door.
To all fathers out there: daughters are fragile creatures. Be careful with the public discussion of their emotional issues. Be especially careful discussing these issues during TV interviews with Access Hollywood
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Snapping Brangelina
Remember that part in every cop movie when the criminal flees the state, thus eluding bumbling local authorities? That may work for rapists and murderers, but take a picture of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and the fuzz will track you down faster than you can say "cheese."
That's right, police in Western Massachussetts have seized a digital camera in a sting operation, completed with the cooperation of the LAPD, which began in Namibia and ended 7,000 miles away in the tiny New England town of Westfield. Apparently the camera held three photos of the couple - gasp! - standing around and laughing. These pics were released on the internet last week, causing the wrath of Brangelina and the men in blue who do their evil bidding for them. And while no one has yet been charged with a crime, you better believe the force won't sleep until this amateur photographer is brought to justice.
Maybe after that, they can get back to the actual criminals.
Jerry Springer May Not Have Fathered Shiloh Nouvel, But He Couldn't Have Written This Better Himself
There are some people who believe that we choose our parents--that our souls actually pre-order the units before physically manifesting here on earth. If they're right, then Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt got swindled. I mean, really: imagine you're just a wee spirit floating about in the ether. You've chosen your parents, and gosh-darnit, you've done a pretty good job. Rich: check. Beautiful: check. Famous: check. You yourself are all of these things before even crowning (or being yanked from your sexy mother's slashed womb Cesarian-style, in this case). Wouldn't you be pretty bummed if after all of that careful planning, you heard that your father wasn't necessarily People Magazine's two-time sexiest man, Brad Pitt?
Such is the latest supermarket checkout gossip.
The Oscar-winning beauty told pals that she slept with another man before getting pregnant, says the insider, and that's when she confided her fear about baby Shiloh's paternity.
In a stunning world exclusive interview, the insider also reveals the actress has been petrified Brad will leave her if the baby is not his and she's desperate to keep him away from his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston.
Next headlines: "Baby Shiloh Sues for Paternity Fraudulence Damages" and "Baby Shiloh Trademarks Phrase: Who's Your Daddy?"
