Tuesday Tasting: Nerds, Toys and Robots
Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.
Spin The Bottle With A Circuit Board
It's only fitting that all the good ol' games get updated for the new generation of hormonally-frustrated tweens. Flirtation through mobile phones can only get you so far, thus an electronic version of "spin the bottle" was created. Designed to help kick off that first kiss that you've been waiting your whole decade of life for, this toy uses sounds and lights to alert you. At 17 quid (we're guesstimating double that in dollars), it may be hard to justify your hard-earned milk money on making out, but desperate times may call for desperate measures.
Roomba Increases Suction, No Word Yet on Woomba
Robotic Roombas continue to be all the rage among open interface fans. Announced recently on Amazon, the new 560 Roombas are in. Features include an anti-tangle technology as well as infrared beams for setting up invisible barriers. While the shiny new robot is all exciting, we were a little disappointed to not see any Woomba integration in this model. Woomba, you know, "the robot that cleans your business". Perhaps if we poke our fellow hacker friends enough, they'll help make the little pink robot a reality.
Nerds On Desks
Totally dreamy, Nerds On Desks seems to be the latest (give or take a couple decades) tech fetish craze that we can only hope turns into a Flickr meme. Boing Boing points to the paired Bill Gates and Steve Jobs photos. The starry-eyed CEOs pose to our dorky delight. A quick tag search reveals that no one has yet to satiate this tech fetish meme, but as true geeks, we're used to disappointment.
Mexicans Stealing Our Jobs, Starting From the Top Down
We all knew this was coming.
Microsoft founder Bill Gates looks to have lost his title as the world's richest man, toppled from top spot by the Mexican telecoms tycoon Carlos Slim.
Way to set an example, Bill. What hope do the rest of us have if not even you can stem this tide? I knew putting nerds in charge was a mistake.
Three months ago the cigar-chomping Mr Slim quietly slipped past legendary US investor Warren Buffett to take second place in the global wealth league.
Guy who chomps cigars, easily trumps guy who puts in cigarette backwards to look cool at party and ends up choking and making a fool of himself, any day of the week. Cmon, we all know that had to have happened at some point. No doubt the memory of that night was what propelled him to greatness. And the fading of that ememory is clearly what has hastened his fall.
He needs the fear put back in him. The angry red-faced, spittle soaked chants of Nerd! ringing in his ears will re-ignite his once flaming passions.
I urge each of you to pull out all the stops. If we as a nation can spur him on to the greatness he once held, then he in turn can carry us on his brittle nerd-back to undreamed of new heights. Um, provided he doesnt suffer from vertigo.
Purple-nurples, wedgies, the royal flush, the dick-kick, the New Jersey book knock
All tools we must use to get him back on the right track
and with him
America!
Now, thanks to a surge in the shares of his America Movil group, Mr Slim has claimed pole position, according to the Mexican online financial publication, Sentido Común.
Mexican publication? Hmmm
I bet its all a lie. Whew, false alarm everyone, call it off, no need to haze the geek.
Although, now that I think about it, a quick Indian Burn would only serve to keep him motivated.
TheCoolerKing does not actually advocate the pummeling of nerds, rich or otherwise, for any reason.