Get Spread To Go
Advertorial/Competition: Get Intimate With Spread On Us
"This is getting really uncomfortable," says Spread star Ashton Kutcher after watching his character get fucked in a leather chair during commentary embedded in the special features of the DVD version the film. Indeed Kutcher complains that acting in the film often caused him intense discomfort -- "agony" even -- brought on by frequent and severe bouts of vasocongestion in his nether regions (a condition more commonly referred to as blue balls).
Those who watched the film in theaters earlier this year may empathize as the film features some of the hottest sex scenes seen in a mainstream film in recent years. Thus, as Kutcher waited until the cameras stopped rolling to work out frustrations brought on by the day's acting off set with his wife Demi Moore, many cinemagoers had similarly uncomfortable commutes home. Needless to say, Spread is likely to do considerably better when it's released on DVD and Blu-Ray on Nov 10th than it did at the box office, for this is a film best experienced in the private confines of your own home (preferably with relief close at hand if you catch our drift).
In Spread, Kutcher plays Nikki a charming freeloader who hopes to get ahead by getting head -- and servicing the needs of his wealthy female companions. Co-star Anne Heche is perhaps the film's biggest surprise however. She plays Samantha, one of Nikki's well-heeled marks. It's without doubt the Sappho-esque actresses' most erotic role to date. "I've gone further in this movie than I have ever before," says Heche, before adding, "Why didn't I do this when I was 22?"
The actress and mother of two, who hit forty in May of this year, confronts the no holes barred (pun intended) sex scenes with a refreshing honesty. Though the action is often graphic, Heche's toned body shows scant evidence of the two children it bore, and the numerous encounters with Kutcher's character are both hyper-erotic and hyper-real.
Samantha may accuse Nikki of being "nothing but six inches and a pretty face," but it's his mastery of the art of the pick-up that gives the Hollywood player -- and therefore the film -- an edge. Indeed, in the aforementioned commentary, Kutcher fesses up to being a student of The Game, journalist Neill Strauss' infamous seduction bible (which spawned the VH1 reality show The Pick-Up Artist).
Throughout the film, Kutcher's character schools us on the basics of The Game: "There is only one pick up line -- Hi, what's your name? -- everything else is cheese." Player-centric tips such as "Never show her you're impressed -- it lowers your market value" and "You want to give them a good fucking, but not too good -- leave a little room for the relationship to grow" keep the dialog sharp and heighten the irony when the master player ultimately gets outplayed.
Visually, the third character in the plot is Samantha's sleek and stunning, glass-walled Hollywood Hills home -- Nikki's Spread du jour -- which serves as the film's sensual playground. However, for drama's sake, emotionally, the love triangle is completed by newcomer Margarita Levieva's character, Heather, who brings unexpected chaos to Nikki's highly controlled world.
Though Spread is an erotic comedy caper that celebrates all that is wrong with Los Angeles -- a metropolis that idolizes the beautiful and superficial -- Kutcher, unlike his character, is wise enough to keep his baser Hollywood instincts in check. "I've played the game enough to know it doesn't end well," says Kutcher, who married his smokin' hot older women in 2005. "The only way to win is through true passion and love*."
WIN SPREAD TO GO
SuicideGirls has teamed up with Anchor Bay Films for a special competition so you can get intimate with Spread in the privacy of your own home. Winners will receive one of three copies of Spread on either Blu-Ray or DVD (your choice).
Answer the following question to enter:
Which lady would you prefer to be your sugar momma -- Anne Heche or Margarita Levieva?
(See pics at: www.flickr.com/photos/spreadthemovie)
Send entries via email to spread@suicidegirls.com. Please remember to include the following information:
- 1. Name
2. Address
3. Date of Birth
4. Preferred format (Blu-Ray or DVD)
Contest closes on November 23, 2009 at midnight PST. Winners will be notified by email on or before November 27. No purchase necessary. Must be18 years or older to enter.
For more information on Spread and the DVD/Blu-Ray release go to Spread-themovie.com.
Footnote:
* The only disclaimer being that Nikki's trademark "rollover sleeping smile" has apparently worked well for Kutcher off screen too, enabling him to avoid getting out of bed to take out the trash on more than one occasion when asked by his wife.
Miss Truth Hurts: Advice That Rocks by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna
For this month's Miss Truth Hurts column SuicideGirls has teamed up with the folks behind the new romantic comedy Spread to bring you questions and advice inspired by the film.
Spread stars Ashton Kutcher who plays Nikki, a charming freeloader, who trades his sexual prowess for the financial advantages ladies of a certain age and position can provide. As the film heats up, Nikki gets caught in a love/lust triangle between Samantha (Anne Heche), a mature woman with a sleek car, beautiful property and a well balanced portfolio, and Heather (Margarita Levieva), a hot young waitress who may just end up beating him at his own game.
Here's some nuggets of advice that the three leading characters in the film could do with swallowing:
Q: I used to do bar work and wait tables, but now get by thanks to the significantly richer partners I date. No money changes hands, but I make sure all my bills get paid. Does this make me a whore? And isn't everyone to some extent? There's always some kind of a trade off in a relationship right? Do you think there's anything wrong with seeking relationships based on money rather than this abstract and unreliable feeling we call love?
A: I just finished co-writing porn star Tera Patrick's memoir, Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love, Marriage & Porn (shameless self-plug: out Jan. 5 via Gotham/Penguin), and she talks about this very subject. To paraphrase her, she says, "We're all 'hos on this bus, whether you're a porn star, a prostitute, a stripper, or a girl dating a rich guy who buys her things." Everyone is a whore in some way at some point in their life, whether it's whoring your talent or skills out to the corporate man for a nice salary or accepting an expensive dinner date from a guy you don't really like, we've all been there. But, true love is amazing and having a fulfilling career where you can support yourself is equally as satisfying, so don't give up on that too soon. It's not as abstract and unreliable as you think.
Q: I'm looking for the perfect pick up line to hone my dating technique. My buddy Nikki says there's only on pick up line, Hi, whats your name? and that everything else is cheese. What do you think?
A: Remember what I said about everyone's a whore at some point in their life in the first question above? Well, I'm a plug whore right now. Go ahead and send hate mail. I don't care. The, "Hi, what's your name?" line is an example I actually have in my book, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick and a Hotter Girlfriend and to Living Life Like a Rock Star, and it truly is the simplest, most charming, and honest way to meet someone. Try it and you'll see.
Q: I've heard that you should never show a woman that youre impressed since it lowers your market value. The strategy works really well for my pal Nikki. Why do women go for men who pull these kind of mind games?
A: I hate to admit it and it's shameful to my gender, but the truth is, yes, it does work. Why do women like guys who act like they don't give a damn? It's because most women love a challenge and think they can turn a bad boy good. So, if you're not interested, she will try harder to make you interested whether she really likes you or just wants to prove she can turn a negative into a positive. But, think of it this way: Do you really want a woman like this?
Q: My sometime roommate is a bar crawling philosopher. He says, When a girl tells you that you're not getting any before you ask, before you even try, it means youre getting some. Do you agree?
A: Uh, sometimes no means no. If a woman says "no way" right away, you are probably not even on a real date with her. That said, most women love being pursued and seduced, so there is always room for that "no" to turn into a "yes" if you make the right moves. There is an art to seduction.
Q: My friend has this point system theory: 1 for flowers, 2 for dinner, 3 for an orgasm. He figures you need to get 12 points in the love bank before a woman will trust you -- then you can go back to watching football. Do you think this is wrong, right, cynical, or all of the above?
A: First of all, if you're with a girl who doesn't let you watch football or join you at a game now and then, you're with a bitch. Second, lose the point system. It's a wee bit immature and frat-boy-ish.
Q: I've just turned 40 and am attracted to younger men, who always end up leaving me for younger women. Some might call me a cougar, but do you think I'm really the immature one here since I'm unable to find happiness with men my own age?
A: If you want hot sex only, keep dating the young studs. If you want a real relationship, date someone on your own level and that usually (emphasis on usually) means someone with similar life experiences, who's in the same place in life that you are, and, yes, who is within five years of your age either way. There's nothing immature about dating younger. What you need to think about is what you want: fun, sexy flings or a serious commitment.
Q: I'm considering vaginal rejuvenation to keep my younger man happy in bed. What's your advice? Should I go for it? My doctor tells me I'll be out of action for five days, but it'll be "well worth the wait."
A: If you can afford it and have thoroughly done your research on doctors, then go for it! But, don't do it for your younger man. Do it for yourself. And, ask yourself this question: if your man did NOT want you to do it, would you still do it? If the answer is no, then you're doing it for the wrong reason. You're a brave woman to even consider it. Ouch!
Q: Often I can envision my future with a girl before they cum. Then afterwards I just want them to stop touching me. Do you think there's something wrong with me?
A: You're fucked up, my friend. See a shrink.
Spread opens on August 14. Go to Spread-TheMovie.com for more info.
Got a line that's guaranteed to open more than a conversation that you'd like to share with the world? Do you have a unique angle on how to turn a casual encounter into something more special and/or useful? Text the word "SPREAD" and your pickup tip to 878787 and have it show up on digital billboards nationwide. Alternatively, you can go to Spread-TheMovie.com and click on the Express Yourself link to spread your relationship wealth and read advice left by others.
Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.
www.myspace.com/carrieborzillovrenna
www.carriebv.com
Can You Guess the Most Powerful Person in American Government?
Did you say George Bush? Please. Dick Cheney? Getting warmer, but no. Karl Rove? Joe Lieberman? Nancy Pelosi? Harry Reid? John Roberts?
No, no, no, no and no.
The most powerful person in American government, and possibly the most powerful person in the country, is a former Constitutional Law professor at McGeorge School of Law in Sacramento, California named Anthony McLeod Kennedy.
I know what youre saying. Youre saying, But Brosa, hes just one of nine Justices on the Court! Heck, hes not even the Chief Justice! What the golly-eff-gee are you going on about?
All true. Kennedy is just one of nine. He is not the Chief Justice. However, hes still the most powerful man in government. Why? Because he is now the one and only swing voter left on the Court. The other eight justices are predictable. Roberts, Alito, Scalia and Thomas on the right, Souter, Breyer, Ginsberg and Stevens on the left. They are predictable voting blocks and vote together seemingly all of the time. The wild card left is Justice Kennedy.
Remember that article I wrote about Massachusetts v. EPA? Guess who was the swing vote in that case? Kennedy. Who was the swing vote in the case that ruled it was unconstitutional to execute minors? Kennedy. What about the partial birth abortion case decided yesterday? Wait for it
wait for it
KENNEDY! Hell, dude even wrote the opinion. All in all, Kennedy has been the pivotal vote in a 5-4 decision in no less than nine times this term. Dude goes both ways more than Anne Heche.
Dont believe me? Im not the only one saying it.
"We better get used to it," said Northwestern University law professor Robert Bennett ."Now Kennedy is right smack in the middle. I suspect he loves it."
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"It really is the Kennedy court," Duke University law professor Erwin Chemerinsky said.
(For those of you who dont know who that last guy quoted is, hes essentially a Constitutional law demigod. His word is bond, if you will.)
It used to be that Kennedy and Justice Sandra Day OConnor were the swing voters who could go either way on social issues but would predictably vote with the conservative justices on matters like defining the reach of the commerce clause or which president to install. Those days are gone. I cant be sure because hes only been on the Court for a short period of time, but if we ever see Samuel Alito (the Justice who replaced OConnor for all intents and purposes) vote with the liberal justices on a social issue, Ill eat my bar card. Point is that on virtually every issue thats close we will be seeing Kennedy cast the deciding vote for the foreseeable future.
That is what makes Kennedy so powerful. But dont misunderstand me, my friends. I didnt like the Gonzales v. Carhart decision yesterday, but there are plenty of conservatives who hate Kennedy wayyyyy more than you or I do.
Conservative leaders meeting in Washington yesterday for a discussion of "Remedies to Judicial Tyranny" decided that Kennedy, a Ronald Reagan appointee, should be impeached, or worse.
Phyllis Schlafly, doyenne of American conservatism, said Kennedy's opinion forbidding capital punishment for juveniles "is a good ground of impeachment." To cheers and applause from those gathered at a downtown Marriott for a conference on "Confronting the Judicial War on Faith," Schlafly said that Kennedy had not met the "good behavior" requirement for office and that "Congress ought to talk about impeachment."
Next, Michael P. Farris, chairman of the Home School Legal Defense Association, said Kennedy "should be the poster boy for impeachment" for citing international norms in his opinions. "If our congressmen and senators do not have the courage to impeach and remove from office Justice Kennedy, they ought to be impeached as well."
Not to be outdone, lawyer-author Edwin Vieira told the gathering that Kennedy should be impeached because his philosophy, evidenced in his opinion striking down an anti-sodomy statute, "upholds Marxist, Leninist, satanic principles drawn from foreign law."
Ominously, Vieira continued by saying his "bottom line" for dealing with the Supreme Court comes from Joseph Stalin. "He had a slogan, and it worked very well for him, whenever he ran into difficulty: 'no man, no problem,' " Vieira said.
Classy! Granted, those quotes came in 2005, so presumably theyve calmed down since Kennedy just authored the opinion that approved a partial birth abortion ban. One would think they may not subtly threaten to kill him after that, but stranger things have happened.
It is odd that this much vitriol is aimed at Kennedy from the right. I mean, sure they consider him a traitor (He was appointed by Reagan and thinks buttsex is OK?! Stone him!), but Justices Stevens and Souter were also GOP appointees. I think what scares these people is that Kennedy seems to march to the beat of his own drum and plays the center-line well. Reactionary conservatives are threatened by that sort of uncertainty.
That uncertainty is, of course, what also makes him The Most Powerful Person in American Government. Hail to the true Philospher-King! Its Kennedys world and were all just living in it.
Subrosa, for one, would like to welcome our new California-Born Supreme Court Justice overlord.