Tuesday Tasting: XXXmas, In-Flight Porn, And Global Orgasm Gadgets
As the last installment on SuicideGirls, Tuesday Tasting will be moving to Shake Well Before Use in 2008.
Each week, Ariel Waldman serves a tasting of the latest in sex and tech.
Santa Brought Us Slutty Stocking Stuffers
Fleshbot posts ten XXXmas videos aimed to get you hotter than a Macbook on bare thighs. Naughty, video-loving vixens are decked out in reindeer hats and ready to ride your sleigh (at least on screen).
Yes, it's been well established that "Christmas porn" pretty much just means "babes in Santa hats," but it can also mean so much more. For example, sometimes the dudes are wearing the hats! Also, sometimes there's a tree in the background!
From "Three Tight XXXMas chicks share Santa" to "Hardcore Christmas party", the videos are definitely NSFW, but that shouldn't be a problem today.
Flying Home For The Holidays Will Still Suck
The friendly skies want to make sure they remain just that: friendly, but not of the fuck-buddy variety. Airlines are starting to open up to in-flight wi-fi and mobile phone service. Unfortunately, the possibility of porn is making many planes hesitant to allow unrestricted Internet access.
And there are going to be a ton of questions to answer. Will it be free? Ad-supported? Will there be a subscription charge? What if the guy in the seat next to you is looking at porn? Even worse, what if he plugs in a Skype headset and starts yakking away?
Personally, we'd much prefer an accidental glance at Britney's latest crotch shot on an adjacent laptop, than listen to someone ask what groceries are left in the fridge on our flight home.
362 Days Left To Stock Up On Gadgets For Global Orgasm Day 2008
Missed Global Orgasm Day last week, only to go directly to a thinly-walled, relative's home for the holidays? Thankfully, Gizmodo listed the top 10 gadgets you need for Global Orgasm Day, most of which you can order or make through the quiet convenience of a few clicks. If pink Japanese blowjob machines and Call Me Panties aren't your thing, then we can only hope your fingers and a fast internet connection help satiate next year's winter solstice.
And now it is time for this sexy geek to bid you adieu...
Holiday Travel: The FAA Tries Desperately Not To Fuck You
Americans sure love to visit their families on Thanksgiving! I dont understand it. I'm trying not to judge it. I suppose everyone has a right to subject themselves to their relatives in the privacy of their own homes, just dont do it in front of me. But if you are planning on flying across the country to eat mashed potatoes with grandma next week you're not alone.
An estimated 38.7 million Americans are expected to travel this Thanksgiving period, with 4.7 million of them traveling by air, according to the American Automobile Association.
You better call grandma and tell her you might be late.
The airline industry's on-time performance this year has been its worst since 1995, when the Bureau of Transportation Statistics began keeping track. During the first nine months of the year, 24.3 percent of all domestic flights arrived late and 21.3 percent departed behind schedule, the bureau found.
Flight cancellations reached 2.2 percent, the worst since 2001.
But wait? What's that up above flying in restricted military air space? It's President Bush! He's going to save Thanksgiving!
Issuing a statement at the White House, Bush said it is time "to bring order to America's skies."
Our track record for bringing order isnt great but maybe this time he'll get it right. Right? At least he didnt promise to bring democracy to the skies. So, what's the plan Captain America?
Bush proposed increasing the bump fee for passengers who buy tickets but end up getting bumped from their flight.
The penalty now is $200 or $400, depending on long the passenger has been inconvenienced. The proposed increase would make the fee $400 to $800.
Awesome! I could use that money. Maybe I'll pray to be bumped this Christmas!
[White House Press Secretary Dana] Perino said that rule, if it becomes final, wouldn't be in place until next summer's travel season.
Oh. Wow. That will sure come in handy during the massive Christmas in July travel season.
and White House press secretary Dana Perino said the Federal Aviation Administration was imposing a holiday moratorium on nonessential maintenance projects, allowing all FAA personnel and equipment to be focused on keeping flights on time.
Could someone (in the FAA) define non-essential?
Wow. I can feel the spirit of the holidays filling us all with joy. My heart is starting to de-ice and I have faith that even though Bush has acted too late, at least he's not doing something totally sinister. Peace on Earth. Good will towards--what's that? Oh. This just in. The New York Post wanted to keep you all in the throes of terror by reminding you:
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Government investigators smuggled liquid explosives and detonators past airport security, exposing a dangerous hole in the nation's ability to keep these forbidden items off of airplanes, according to a report made public Wednesday.
Happy Holidays!