The Idaho Senate race is a smorgasbord of win. Does any other state have a senator retiring because he tried to fuck a guy in an airport shitter? Does...

Last week, I broke down the Democratic vice presidential possibilities and this week I’m going to cross the aisle to where the demons live and break down...

Louis, by the grace of God, King of France and Navarre, to all present and to come, greeting from the year 1708: One of the most useful tools of an absolute...

The Roundup is celebrating its semi-centennial and here you are reading it. You lucky son of a bitch. You are actually reading the Asshole Fuckface Roundup.

Now that we have finally picked our candidates, after a horribly long and unnecessary primary season, it’s time for the nominees to choose their Vice Presidential...

John McCain is an insanely rich man. Johnny and his wife own eight houses. That’s pretty sweet. How many houses do you own? The wife is an heiress...

In the never-ending battle to stop terrorists from hijacking planes, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) keep coming up with innovative ideas...

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day you look forward to all week, because it makes you feel better about your life. The Buddha was the first guy...

Ahh, the Olympics: the traditions; the majesty; the competitive spirit; the graceful athleticism and the...the political restrictions? That's right.

If the Internet must die, I’m okay with it happening in Texas first. Texans deserve some sort of suffering for inflicting George Bush on the rest of the...

Some kids went through hell at Camp Crystal Lake in the summer of 1979. By “hell,” I mean a crazy person named Pamela Sue Voorhees murdered them. Pamela...

If you read this article, every last word, let it all sink in deep and then ask yourself one question. What are you willing to do, peacefully, for your...

Asshole Fuckfaces don’t just drop out of trees. They are created through years of suffering and hate. At some point, they burst through, like a hideous,...

We are in a bit of a quandary. For years now, the U.S. has been at war with terrorism – which is weird, because terrorism is a tactic, not a thing. But,...

Gas prices are now over $4 a gallon. Shocking, isn’t it? Who would have thought having an oil man in the White House would lead to crazy high gas prices?

Today is Memorial Day, a holiday to honor the lives lost and sacrifices made by America's servicemen and women. The President visited Arlington National...

Imagine a middle aged man, taking pictures of adolescents in various stages of undress, some fully nude. Some of those pictures have at least a tinge of...

National Elections are up and coming in November. They will be here before you know it. While doing some research online about local issues I continuously...

Merry Asshole Fuckface Day. This is the day during which righteous people such as yourself can laugh at and mock the miserable fucks that inhabit our sweet...

Middle-aged women are pissed. Their great hope is going down in flames and losing to a black man, which is causing them to lose their minds. They are...

[Editor's note: OhSoOrdinary submitted this article from Iraq, where she is currently serving with the U.S. Army.] A great deal of our mission here...

Holy shit, who invited a man to the party? Yesterday, Barack Obama stood up and acted more like a man than any presidential candidate I’ve ever seen.

Welcome. Welcome to Asshole Fuckface day. It’s a great day because you don’t have to dress up or give anyone gifts, but you do have responsibilities.

The big news during this primary season is not Barack Obama, but the shit kicking Republicans have taken in three Congressional districts. Illinois, Louisiana...

When the Democratic primaries began I was afraid the party faithful would pick Hillary Clinton as the nominee. She would have lost handily to any Republican...

Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That’s where I come in. For centuries,...

The White House admitted in a court of law this week that it blatantly broke the law and... nobody gives a shit. Late on Sunday night, the criminals known...

Last week, John McCain proposed an idea so incredibly stupid that Hillary Clinton decided to jump on board the next day. McCain and Clinton want to have...

Louis, by the grace of God, King of France and Navarre, to all present and to come, greeting from the year 1708: Elves and Ringwraiths, Hobbits and Orcs,...

Asshole Fuckfacery is very important. It gives us something to look down upon, so that we may feel better about ourselves. There would actually be no...

I am horrified by the words coming out of Reverend Wright’s mouth and the crazy things he believes. I tried to accept that he was misunderstood, or that...

Looking at all the money Democrats are about to throw at Iraq, you’d think the country was having a bar mitzvah. House Democrats are putting together...

If God said, "Thou shalt not kill," how can belief in God be a prerequisite for military service? With the shitstorm in Iraq resulting in (among...

Welcome to the first ever Asshole Fuckface Roundup. It’s never been done before and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve scoured the week’s news and located the...

My local paper has been talking about the law a bit lately, particular concerning the intersection of the crime of rape and the legal system. The first...

Yes, I called Hillary Clinton an abomination. I could not be more correct with my description and here is the definition of abomination to prove it: Abomination...

Oh PETA, why so crazy? There is a way to fight for the rights of animals without sometimes looking like complete and total lunatics. In this latest episode...

As if the Democratic debate from Philadelphia last week wasn't a big enough farce, all three presidential candidates made appearances on World Wrestling...

Welcome. Are you prepared to read about this week’s worst human beings on the face of the Earth? Some people can’t handle it. Last week was a prime...

I loathe Hillary Clinton. Back in the early '90s, I was a fan of the Clintons, but as time went by, it became apparent they were Republicans claiming...