Welcome. Welcome to Asshole Fuckface day. It’s a great day because you don’t have to dress up or give anyone gifts, but you do have responsibilities.

The big news during this primary season is not Barack Obama, but the shit kicking Republicans...

When the Democratic primaries began I was afraid the party faithful would pick Hillary Clinton as the nominee. She would have lost handily to any Republican...

Many people fear Asshole Fuckfaces and spend their lives hiding and cowering from the worst humanity has to offer. That’s where I come in. For centuries,...

The White House admitted in a court of law this week that it blatantly broke...

Last week, John McCain proposed an idea so incredibly...

Louis, by the grace of God, King of France and Navarre, to all present and to come, greeting from the year 1708:

Elves and Ringwraiths, Hobbits...

Asshole Fuckfacery is very important. It gives us something to look down upon, so that we may feel better about ourselves. There would actually be no...

I am horrified by the words coming out of Reverend Wright’s mouth and the...

Looking at all the money Democrats are about to throw at Iraq, you’d think the country was having a bar mitzvah. House Democrats are putting together the...

If God said, "Thou shalt not kill," how can belief in God be a prerequisite for military service?

With the shitstorm in Iraq resulting in (among other...

Welcome to the first ever Asshole Fuckface Roundup. It’s never been done before and I’m a bit nervous. I’ve scoured the week’s news and located the worst...

My local paper has been talking about the law a bit lately, particular concerning the intersection of the crime of rape...

Yes, I called Hillary Clinton an abomination. I could not be more correct with my description and here is the definition of abomination to prove it:
[LIST]
Abomination...

Oh PETA, why so crazy? There is a way to fight for the rights of animals without sometimes looking like complete and total lunatics. In this latest episode...

As if the Democratic debate from Philadelphia last week wasn't a big enough farce, all three presidential...

Welcome. Are you prepared to read about this week’s worst human beings on the face of the Earth? Some people can’t handle it. Last week was a prime example.

I loathe Hillary Clinton. Back in the early '90s, I was a fan of the Clintons, but as time went by, it became apparent they were Republicans claiming to...

In 1776, Thomas Jefferson and a few of his friends, also known as the Second Continental Congress, drafted and sent an interesting document to soon-to-be-nut...

It really is difficult to pick the best war criminal in the White House. And make no mistake about it; several members of Bush’s cabinet are war criminals.

It’s Saturday. That means you lucky bastards are going to read about the horrible actions of this week’s Asshole Fuckfaces. This year is the 185th anniversary...

Condi Rice is now "actively campaigning" to run with John...

The time has come to fear a McCain presidency. Hillary Clinton is doing everything she can to make Barack Obama unelectable, clearing the way for the time...

Since I started writing this weekly article 37 years ago, I have been asked the name of the very first Asshole Fuckface over nine thousand times. Today...

Ah, the Libertarians. Our little head in the clouds kids. They scurry about our country, totally unable to grasp the real world, screaming about “big...

You gotta love a government that not only ignores logic, intelligence, and big fucking holes...

George Bush is such a colossal fuck up it is astounding. Every choice the administration makes in Iraq turns out to be the wrong choice. Their latest...

As many of you know, for several years I have stated that I would reveal the very first Asshole Fuckface on March 29, 2008. That day has arrived. With...

It was bound to happen. The new conservative movement hates reality and anything that impedes them from doing what they want. They are basically a group...

Our pot laws in the US are so backwards and idiotic, it is astounding. It is unbelievable that arrests for marijuana violations are actually going up.

First of all, happy fucking birthday, Iraq War. You’ve had a rough couple of years and only the retarded seem to like you. You drew the short stick. ...

No Child Left Behind seems to regard poor, inner city schools as a disease to...

America seems to be in a lot of trouble. We have a possible Democratic presidential candidate who has been spiritually mentored by a black pastor who is...

I do not know what in the fuck Hillary Clinton is doing. There is no way she can legitimately win the Democratic nomination. Turns out, a long time ago...

On October 16, 1999, at 12:58 in the afternoon, my life had changed, forever. After rushing my wife at the time to the local emergency room, her water...

God set aside today for the minions to read the Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Many people have asked me over the years the name of the very first Asshole Fuckface.

Before the Iraq War, George Bush made sure to purge the military of all the naysayers. And by naysayers, I mean people who knew what they were talking...

The treatment of Omar Khadr is an ...

Congrats on surviving through another week. Your sweet, sweet reward is another Asshole Fuckface Roundup. My weekly misfortune is the multitude of idiots...

I feel like with all the attention surrounding the Democratic primary, we have forgotten how horrible John McCain is as a potential president. Holy fucking...