This is what will occur today. There will be no deviating from this prediction. I am NostradaReaper.
In order of when the states are called:
Kentucky goes first to McCain.
New Hampshire and Vermont go to Obama.
South Carolina goes to McCain.
The first hammer drops: Virginia goes to Obama.
Everyone is freaking out because Indiana is still too close to call. Someone at Fox News goes out for a bottle of scotch.
Hammer #2: Florida goes to Obama.
Election is declared over for McCain by the pundits at 8:30 pm.
Georgia and West Virginia go to McCain.
Hammer #3: Ohio goes to Obama.
Nobody notices the total absence of Ann Coulter on the news anymore.
Alabama, Kansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Texas and Tennessee go to McCain.
Many Christians think Jesus is turning this shit around. They are wrong – but what else is new?
Connecticut, Delaware, DC, Illinois, all of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey and Pennsylvania go to Obama.
It’s so over. Obama cracks a beer. So do his daughters.
Then come the surprises.
North Carolina, Indiana and North Dakota go to Obama. Pundits are talking Reagan. A couple think, “He’s the black Reagan,” but nobody says it out loud.
Arkansas goes to McCain. No one really notices.
Lou Dobbs brings up Obama’s illegal immigrant aunt.
Louisiana, Nebraska, South Dakota and Wyoming are immediately called for McCain. But, wait, there’s a surprise. Obama picks up one electoral vote out of Nebraska. It’s the most talked about electoral vote in the history of electoral votes. Chris Mathews shits his pants, bursts a blood vessel in his eyes and starts bleeding from his belly button.
Colorado is a disaster. Lawsuits are filed to keep polls open. Angry Obama supporters who were removed from voter rolls are gathering in the streets. Riot police are called in.
New York, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota and New Mexico are called for Obama. It’s a rout. Someone says, “Booooyaa.”
Missouri too close to call. No one cares. They can’t believe what has happened.
Arizona is too close to call. OH MY GOD. Pundits freaking out. McCain might lose his home state.
Iowa and Nevada are called for Obama.
Idaho and Utah are called permanently for white Republicans. They will no longer vote in elections and will always be considered a "gimme."
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Montana and Washington are called for Obama. A white guy in Florida shoots his black neighbor.
It’s officially over. The Colorado almost riot turns to a party.
Rush Limbaugh takes another Viagra. He's going to fuck the pain away.
Arizona goes to McCain. No one is paying attention.
Alaska, Missouri and Colorado aren’t coming in until late in the morning, but nobody cares. Still, they can’t believe how close Alaska is.
Sarah Palin makes the most horrifying speech in the history of politics.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Spirituality is a wonderful thing. I have my reservations about religion though. Although some think it's one in the same, I do not. In fact, I think we'd be better off if we all thought that way. Who's to say whose God is the right one to worship? If you pick the wrong one, are you going to be damned even if you live a good life? And what if your deity tells you to do one thing while another tells someone else that you are misguided? With all the strife in the world and all the conflict it causes, I have to wonder... at what point does religion hinder us?
For the last 10 years of my life, I've been pretty non-religious in my personal life. I have spoken out in subtle ways, putting deliberate lyrics out on my albums Short Bus, Title of Record and The Amalgamut that hinted at the beliefs and questions I have on the topic. Something that has always comforted me, as an American, was that the United States was founded on the ideals of FREEDOM: Freedom of religion and freedom of speech. But the reality is, if we do not adhere to the mainstream ideals of religion, we might not feel free to speak our minds.
When I am talking openly about my thoughts on the subject, some people roll their eyes in disgust, like I'm some kind of an asshole because I don't believe like they do. In times of trouble, I turn to what I consider to be my Higher Power-not a higher BEING but a higher POWER...which is the incredible power of nature. So I understand this need to believe in something greater than oneself. But THEIR religion is not MY answer. What's wrong with that?
Now why is this guy brining up THIS topic on the Suicide Girls site, you may be asking yourself right about now... and the reason is: Bill Maher's Religulous and the movie W. Two great new films, which moved me to speak my mind about religion, its unfortunate place in our government, and how -- depending on your perspective -- it might not be such a good thing for the planet.
Many years ago, peasants were stealing from each other and murderers were running rampant throughout the world. To deal with the mayhem, rulers came to the conclusion that putting the fear of God in the masses would keep them in line. Organized religion started as a way for those in power to get what they needed from the people. It's true to this day. Barack Obama was right on when he said that people on the outskirts of society, in rural areas, cling to their guns and religion. And I think that's a scary thing.
Modern organized religion just seems like a lot of hypocrisy to me. Not one religion can prove that they alone are right. Similarly none are blameless –– I mean, how many deaths have been caused by religion? Can you name one religion where people haven't died in its name?
The 19 hijackers on 9/11 read something in the Koran, declared Jihad and decided that Americans should die. Their religion was the catalyst for them to do something insane. When a right-to-lifer blows up an abortion clinic, they do it in the name of God. Save a life by taking lives? In the name of religion? Hitler killed the Jews (and other people who weren't like him, for that matter), and Christians killed people who were Christian –– but weren't the right kind –– during the Spanish Inquisition. I think religion is clouding everyone's thinking. When George W. Bush started saying, "God has spoken to me," and used this belief as an excuse to go to war with Iraq, many Christians in this country were nodding their heads and saying, "YES!"
If someone I knew said that God told him to pick a fight with someone, I would smack him in the face to snap him out of it. That's the same reason why I wouldn't make big decisions based on the advice of someone who uses an Ouija board or who believes in astrology, because it's dangerous.
I have a religious Christian friend who says the world is 6000 years old, and carbon dating is fake and unreliable –– faked by thousands of scientists and universities all over the world. He chooses to ignore the geological proof of evolution and the fact that this planet is billions of years old, scientifically speaking, because it's so overwhelmingly against the Christian version of the story. This friend of mine says that God created man out of sand in seven days... and this is coming from a 26-year-old man.
Religion blinds to the point of irrationality. It also conveniently dehumanizes. In California, we have a bill on the ballot known as Proposition 8, which deals with whether or not gay people can marry. I get calls daily from different people who have different opinions on the subject. The religious people seem to have a problem with homosexuality –– same-sex people in love –– though Jesus supposedly preached love above all else. Just because some people interpret a book to say that it's wrong for two same-sex people to be in love, our government tries to deny those people's fundamental rights to live peacefully and equally.
And then we have a religious book, the Koran, that says women should be treated like second-class citizens. They should have to cover themselves from head to toe with burkas. They should only be wives and mothers. They can't drive a car. They can't vote. In most Arab countries, they have no voice at all. It's like they don't exist. All in the name of religion. The same religion that inspires the Jihadists to bring down big, bad America.
I mean, what is all of this saying to our youth? I have a daughter. I want her to grow up knowing she can be who she is -- whoever she turns out to be -- and can do whatever she wants to do in life. Can't we put these religious texts in CONTEXT?
At times, I find myself on my knees, begging for something good to happen but wondering whom to beg. I would be really happy if there was a paradise after we die, but I don't think any of us should have to wait. My family, my friends, my planet, this should be our paradise NOW. This ain't the dress rehearsal people. This is the SHOW! We need to stop waiting for the man in the sky to take care of everything, let's do it OURSELVES. Let's do it NOW!
Richard Patrick is the frontman for the rock band Filter. Their latest album, Anthems for the Damned, which features the single "Soldiers of Misfortune," is in stores now. A download-only collection of Anthems tracks re-worked, titled Remixes for the Damned, will be available online from November 4. The band are currently on tour. Click HERE for more info.
The election is upon us. Today may be the largest turnout for a presidential election is US history. Many people are predicting 130 million voters will turn out, which is unprecedented. The large turnout will happen for two reasons: The first is Barack Obama’s Barack Obamaness. He is the most talented and gifted politician we have ever seen, and he will be our first black president, which has increased voting among minorities to a level never before seen. The second reason for the rise in voters is straight up stupidity. The other side is frightened of Obama because they literally have piles of shit where their brains should be.
I know, I know. This is a new day. I should be kinder and be a good winner. To that I say, “Go eat a dick.” You are a herd of Neanderthals who need to pick up a book (besides the one) and maybe switch to a different news channel. The enormous amount of absolute horseshit many Republicans believe is nothing short of astounding.
Let’s start with the Muslim rumor. How fucking dumb do you have to be to believe Obama attended an anti-American Christian black church AND that he’s a Muslim? Can you please hit yourself in the head with a pipe, you horrendous vacancy of a human? A recent poll found that 23% of Texans believe Obama is a Muslim.
But the statewide survey of 550 registered voters has one very surprising finding: 23 percent of Texans are convinced that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is a Muslim.
None of you should be allowed to vote. You should be deported to Idiotistan. Or better yet, we should give Texas back to Mexico. For free. Just take it. Not only did you give George W. Bush to the world, but you are apparently becoming dumber. Emails are not fact, they are letters, written by an asshole you know, which should give you more pause. If I believed every email my father sent, I would be locked up in a halfwit farm. There is zero evidence showing Obama is a Muslim. Zero.
Next up, people who think Obama is a socialist should give themselves a home lobotomy. At least you would then have an excuse for being such an ignorant asshole. Your complete lack of understanding of different types of governments is nothing short of shocking. You are so simpleminded I’m surprised your dogs don’t feed you, instead of vise versa. According to your definition of “socialism,” EVERY country on the face of the Earth is socialist. That’s how fucking stupid you are. If you believe “spreading the wealth” is socialism, you just called Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and Dwight Eisenhower socialists. You should have a sixth grade civics book crammed up your anus. You should not be allowed near a ballot.
Next, many people actually believe Barack Obama is a communist.
com·mu·nism
ˈkäm-yə-ˌni-zəm, -yü-
1 a: a theory advocating elimination of private property b: a system in which goods are owned in common and are available to all as needed.
There is a significant group of Americans who actually believe Obama is a communist. They are beyond hope, beyond redemption. They are a stain on humanity. Here is their leader.
Wow. The only thing Victoria Jackson has less of than talent is intelligence. This is what happens when you only read the Bible and listen to Fox News. Oh, and watch 1984 and think that someone “being on TV a lot” equals 1984. Calling Barack Obama a communist is indefensible. I honestly don’t know how someone can be this obtuse and exist in the world. They are the enemies of intelligence, and therefore the enemies of democracy. Morons like Victoria Jackson should be feared far more than terrorists because they are more dangerous.
Next up, Obama pals around with terrorists. They are, of course, speaking of William Ayers.
The two men do not appear to have been close. Nor has Mr. Obama ever expressed sympathy for the radical views and actions of Mr. Ayers, whom he has called “somebody who engaged in detestable acts 40 years ago, when I was 8.”
Aside from the ridiculous use to the word “pals” to describe Barack Obama’s association with William Ayers, the idiots who use this phrase have gone with the plural. Terrorists. There’s an “S” on the end. As in, “Stupid,” “Simpleton,” and “Shitbrain.” Either that or William Ayers is going to split into two different humans soon. The connection is so far fetched, anyone using it as an excuse not to vote for Obama suffers from a medical condition known as “fuck pie brain.”
Insects should look down upon you. The constant use of the phrase, “Obama should come clean about his connections with Ayers” is so sophomoric and pathetic it is astounding. Why don’t you come clean about your goat fucking?
YOU: I don’t fuck goats.
ME: Come one now, lets just come clean about the goat fucking.
YOU: I don’t do anything like that.
ME: How can I trust you if you don’t tell me the truth about all your extensive goat fucking.
YOU: I’ve explained I don’t do that.
ME: There’s obviously something wrong with you, I mean, why else would you hide your goat fucking history?
See how that works, you colossal fucking moron?
Of course, you idiots then take it a step further: Barack Obama is a terrorist. Really? I mean, you seriously allow that to escape from your mouth, without a tinfoil hat on your head or following it up with, “Corn is murder!”
Do you even know what a terrorist is? What has he blown up, I mean, besides today’s popular vote? And how do you survive being so dumb When you eat, do you just cram food into your mouth without chewing and then wonder why you can’t breathe? Because that’s what you do with thoughts and facts.
Many of you tools actually believe Obama is a Muslim terrorist plant who wasn’t born in the US. You actually think he was born elsewhere, because his birth certificate is “fake.” See, terrorists foresaw 47 years into the future and planted a mole baby. They knew that the baby would succeed and become president because he was black and had a crazy Muslim sounding name. That’s just how America works. Idiots write this nonsense. I’ve seen the emails and the comments attached. Many of these insults to the human race actually believe a story that is almost as fantastical as the story of Jesus. They are literally people who do not have the ability to feel embarrassment.
Oh, and how about the fact that Obama kills babies? Not just the kind that are aborted as fetuses, but actual babies. You idiots actually believe Obama supports infanticide and burning children alive. I think when he is finished killing babies he eats them. Some he puts on stakes around his home to ward off pro-lifers.
Anyone who believes just a fraction of any of the above ideas is an embarrassment to Democracy and humanity. Even though Obama will clearly win today’s election, it has made us stare directly into the face of the mass of American idiots and say, “What the fuck?” There is a massive group of voters in the country who are shockingly stupid. They believe Obama is a terrorist, communist, socialist, Muslim, baby killing, heretical Christian. Please combine two of those accusations and see how they work.
Know many Muslim communists? No? How about socialist terrorists? Are they a big danger to America? How about baby killing socialists? No? Communist heretical Christians? No? What about heretical Christian Muslims? What about baby mole socialists? How about baby killing baby mole terrorists?
Even though this election will be a sound thrashing, it also confirms how many Americans are a complete waste of skin.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Sweet Asshole Fuckface Saturday. Many people don’t know that Asshole Fuckfaces actually have a peculiar odor about them. Many have described it as “a hobo dipped in vinegar” kind of smell. Others have said it is like, “the anus of an over-heated cougar.” Either way, they just don’t smell pleasant. And yet, many don’t see them coming and they are able to inflict their Asshole Fuckfacery. It’s truly disturbing. This week the creepy bastards did some impressive work, so put on your favorite tarp, this is going to be ugly.
We have a massive influx of Asshole Fuckfaces in California right now. They are all here because of Proposition 8, which will take away the rights of gay people to marry. They are lying to, and scaring Californians into voting for this heinous proposition.
Just one example of the kind of shit they are saying is right here. Meet Brad Dacus, blathering at a rally in Sacramento.
Really great point. The whole Nazi thing is nearly identical to gays getting married. First men are giving each other massages at the end of a long workday, then they are rounding up and killing all the Jews. Oh, and speaking of the holocaust, quite a few gay people were killed by the Nazis. Over 100,000 gay men were arrested and 50,000 were put into prisons. Thousands were castrated. Between 5,000 and 15,000 were sent to concentration camps, where many died.
But, yeah, Brad, good point. I mean, for a complete Asshole Fuckface.
Oh, and I’d like to throw a special Asshole Fuckface mention to baseball player Jeff Kent, who decided to give $15,000 to the Yes on 8 campaign. Congrats on finally doing something worse than putting on a Dodger uniform. Didn’t think it was possible.
And finally, I’d like to throw a blanket Asshole Fuckface nod to 59,000 Mormons. The Mormons, mostly from Utah, have contributed $22.88 million to Yes on 8. They’ve also given $6.9 million to pass a similar law in Arizona. Dear Mormons, you’re fucking with something that has nothing to do with you. If it works, we will remember. Too bad gays marrying each other is bad, but you buggering underage girls, who you just made your 4th wife, isn’t. But what do I know? I don’t worship a lunatic who was shown a bunch of golden plates by an angel in New York.
Republicans are becoming Clownicans right in front of our eyes. Take Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. He’s been rapidly dropping in the polls in the Kentucky Senate race. So, his camp decided on a little devious activity.
During a debate last week with Democrat Bruce Lunsford, a McConnell aid put a tape recorder on Lunsford’s podium. They were hoping to catch an off the mic remark by Lunsford. This was a blatant violation of the rules and it went unnoticed until after the debate. When Lunsford handed his papers to his staff, they noticed the recorder and immediately erased it. End of story, right? Republicans did something wrong and it didn’t work, so they will obviously walk away and not make a fuss, right? Well, no. They are amazing Asshole Fuckfaces.
But an incensed David Williams, the state Senate Republican president who is McConnell's statewide campaign chairman, said it amounted to theft.
"It is a tremendously bad reflection on Mr. Lunsford's character that he would do that or that he would be in conspiracy with his campaign folks to erase information that the public has a right to hear," Williams said.
Um. You violated the rules. You taped something you were not supposed to tape. You guys do know what rules are, right?
Richard St. Onge III., a staffer working for National Republican Senatorial Committee, filed the complaint Thursday afternoon charging Lunsford and Achim Bergmann with petty larceny and destruction of property, according to a statement from the National Republican Senatorial Committee.
Asshole Fuckfaces of the highest caliber. The recorder was returned, after the debate was erased. The local sheriff said he would not press charges.
This may surprise you, but this racism story has nothing to do with Barack Obama. Last week, 22-year-old Keith Slater bought a pair of shoes from the Journeys, a store in Overland Park, Kansas. The next day, he found a cheaper pair at another store and decided to return the shoes to Journeys.
When he returned home, he glanced at the return receipt and was surprised by the store’s customer description.
Then I was like, 'Nah, no way. It can't say that," Keith Slater, a junior at Missouri State University in Springfield, told ABCNews.com today. "I was shocked, 'cause I didn't do anything for that to happen."
Yeah, that’s the thing about Asshole Fuckfaces, you don’t actually have to do anything. The store manager has apologized and the employee who put "Dumb Nigger" in the computer was fired.
Tracy Holt, 43, of Grossport, Hampshire is not a good mommy. The ghost of a dockworker has possessed her 13-year-old daughter and it ain’t pretty.
She admits to having had four sexual partners in less than a year, but told Closer magazine: "I only sleep with boyfriends. I worry about getting pregnant because I don't want kids until I'm married so I always use condoms."
Well, that’s good. When Mom found out Sam had lost her virginity at the age of 12, she handled it well.
"I didn't show I was angry and just kept it to myself."
That’ll teach her! What else is the 13-year-old up to?
Sam's track record at school leaves a lot to be desired, and she has been excluded for bad behavior more than 40 times.
She believes her daughter's behavior is down to the teachers at her school who were "too soft" with her.
"Now she is at a special school where there are fewer kids in each class," she said.
"Hopefully these teachers will be stricter and she will finally get the discipline that's needed."
Yes, discipline, like she gets at home.
"I don't see the point in punishing her. If I ground her, I'm just punishing myself because I have to put up with her in the house," she said.
"Instead, I reward her good behavior by giving her cigarettes. If she's bad, she goes without.
That should do it. I think it was Dr. Laura who first came up with the old cigarette switcharoo trick. Poor kid, it’s like living with a discipline Nazi. She should do well in life.
She knows her daughter hangs out with friends in the street, drinking cans of lager and smoking pot, but says she is simply glad Sam is not "a proper drunk" and has not graduated to harder drugs.
Yeah, that won't get out of control.
Finally, this is just fantastic.
The McCain campaign summed up in one minute and thirteen seconds.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters. Come see him at the San Jose Improv this evening and tomorrow.
I know. It’s shocking. But, I keep hearing it. The guy can still lose this thing, even though when you look at the electoral map, he is kicking the shit out of Old School. Even though he is gaining in Bush red states like Ohio, Florida, Colorado and Nevada. Even though he has an insurmountable lead in the McCain must win state of Pennsylvania. He can still lose.
The Bradley Effect is named after Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley. It is the reason Bradley lost two elections. Apparently, people will tell pollsters they are undecided or voting for the black guy, but when they get into the voting booth they vote for the white guy. It’s a disturbing thing to think about. And you should be very, very afraid, according to the general election pollster for the guy who defeated Tom Bradley.
The other reason I reject the Bradley Effect in 2008 is because there was not a Bradley Effect in the 1982 California Governor's race, either. Even though Tom Bradley had been slightly ahead in the polls in 1982, due to sampling error, it was statistically too close to call.
Scary stuff. There's always a dark, shadowy situation when dealing with black people.
The only thing we know for sure is the election was too close to call, and some of the Election Day projections were right and others (notably Mervin Fields' projections) were wrong and, unfortunately, most of this explanation because of selective memory has not been carried forward to this day.
The Field Poll inaugurated the speculation that led to the baseless Bradley Effect theory when, after the 1982 election, Field said "race was a factor in the Bradley loss" (AP 11-4-82). Mervin Field cited no data, but only speculated that white conservative voters of both parties were more undecided and that he may have over-represented minority voters in his polling. Thus, the Bradley Effect was born amidst some major polling errors and a confusing array of mixed predictions, hardly a firm foundation to construct a theory.
So, definitely watch out for that. Honestly, I don’t know how Obama overcomes something as mythical as Bigfoot.
OCTO...er..NOVEMBER SURPRISE
Oh noes! It will just take one crazy surprise and this fucker is over. For instance, terrorists could blow something up, like a truck or a shovel. Then everybody will switch over to the guy who has seemed erratic and unstable during EVERY SINGLE CRISIS since the election race began. Look, when terrorists strike, people always say to themselves, “I want a very old guy who is nuts and angry, with a unknowledgeable lady idiot backing him up, to handle this shit.” It’s just how things go. So, when terrorists blow up a hat, you can turn out the lights for Obama.
VOTER FRAUD
So many close states ripe for Republican thievery. They’re going to steal it in every one! Obama has to be up by at least 6 points to win!
Look, it’s really, really easy to steal an election by stealing it in 14 or so states. That’s why the Republicans focused their stealing energy on one state in 2000 (Florida) and one state in 2004 (Ohio). Thievery works best when you do it on a massive and blatant scale.
CLOSE, CLOSE RACES
This is terrifying! We’ve been here before, haven’t we? Obama is barely ahead in sooo many states.
- Virginia: Obama up 51 percent to 47 percent.
- Colorado: Obama up 50 percent to 46 percent.
- Missouri: McCain up 48 percent to 47 percent.
- Ohio: Obama up 49 percent to 45 percent.
- North Carolina: McCain up 49 percent to 48 percent.
- Florida: Obama up 51 percent to 47 percent.
- New Hampshire: Obama up 50 percent to 46 percent.
I almost just shit myself writing that. Obviously if it’s close, McCain will win every one of those states – which is what he has to do to win. And Bush won most of those states, so even though Obama is surging in them, McCain will win then. Obama is doomed!
COMPLACENCY
AHHHHHHHH! Why aren’t people going to fucking vote! After 8 years of the most dreadful president in the history of the US, facing an economic disaster, a housing crisis, a costly failure of a war, the first black Democratic nominee and a massive increase in Democratic registrations and people are going to be complacent because they think Obama has it in the bag. What the fuck?
There are three states in which early voting has already exceeded its totals from 2004. These are Georgia, where early voting is already at 180 percent of its 2004 total, Louisiana (169 percent), and North Carolina (129 percent).
The African-American population share is the key determinant of early voting behavior. In states where there are a lot of black voters, early voting is way, way up. In states with fewer African-Americans, the rates of early voting are relatively normal.
This works at the county level too. In Cuyahoga County, Ohio (Cleveland), which about 30 percent black, twice as many people have already voted early as in all of 2004. In Franklin County (Columbus), which is about 18 percent black and also has tons of students, early voting is already about 3x its 2004 total.
Fucking complacency. Obama is fucked.
Oh, and there are more reasons. Obama will probably say something stupid these last four days. Like, “Where the white women at?” Or Jesus will return, point at McCain and say, “Now that guy is the shit!” Or, Biden could take a kitten up on stage and rips its head off with his bare hands, drink the blood and then fornicate with the torso. Or Sarah Palin could….uh….uh…wait. Maybe this is over.
Maybe this late in the race everyone should step back and take a look at the big picture. A black man, with a Muslim sounding name, who has only been in the Senate for two years, who is a Democrat, who believes in many liberal policies, who was opposed to the Iraq War from the beginning and who did cocaine in his younger years, is ahead in all the polls. That doesn’t happen to a guy who is going to lose. It shows the quality he brings.
Two years ago, if you had told me a guy with all that baggage would be ahead at time I would have laughed at you. People have chosen. A massive victory will occur on Tuesday. Massive.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters. Come see him at the San Jose Improv this Saturday and Sunday.
Suicide Girls is working with award-winning journalist Greg Palast to promote his campaign to make sure your vote counts on Election Day. Palast and activist, attorney, broadcaster and writer Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. teamed up to investigate how those who would call themselves patriots have plotted to steal your vote, and have penned an adult comic/voter guide, entitled Steal Back Your Vote, to help combat the widespread vote suppression they found.
We spoke with Greg Palast (see Suicide Girls interview), who encourages readers to be proactive to make sure your votes aren't just cast, but are counted too. Like one in five Coloradans, if you do find your name missing from electoral roles, Palast gives the SG massive some excellent tips on how you can get your vote restored (and cautions against allowing yourself to be fobbed off with a "bouncing, bogus" provisional ballot).
"One thing I like about Suicide Girls...You're talking to a group of people who are like in your face. Women who don't want to eat shit and are proud of themselves. Well now let's extend that to voting," says Palast. "They don't want you to vote. You're a young new voter, they got all kinds of goddamn rules to make sure you don't vote. They don't like you. They don't want you there. OK, well get in their face. You gotta vote because they don't want you to. You got to vote early because they're trying to screw you and you gotta screw 'em back. So they steal your vote, you steal it back."
Click HERE to get a free downloadable copy of the Steal Back Your Vote comic.
Click HERE to read our interview with Greg Palast.
Leave your questions and stories of your voting experiences in the comments section below. Palast has promised to check back in and respond. And look out for Palast's election night blogs here on the SG newswire.
The Republican Party is coming apart at the seams. What a shame. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of douchebags. It really is a joy to watch extremists take over a party and attack anyone who offers a stray thought. Looking back, this was inevitable. Keeping religious nuts, big business and people scared of terrorists all under one roof was doomed to fail. It's like pedophiles and rapists going in on a van together. Turns out, they have different priorities.
The great part of this story is it is Sarah Palin’s doing. She’s the chosen one, the lady Jesus, who turned a big flashlight on how crazy and stupid the religious faction of the GOP really are. She was forced on John McCain by the religious right, without considering that she would sink the campaign because she is a lying, corrupt idiot. All they saw in her was sweet Jesus. The religious right finally did something to scare away sensible, traditionally conservative Republicans.
Traditional Republicans are now understanding they are in league with anti-intellectual fanatics. It's the first time they have actually been a little freaked out by their own party. It just took a while, and Sarah Palin, to get here. Hilariously, this is Reagan’s fault. He is the one who began bringing the nuts into the party –– and just like his economic plan to de-regulate everything has been exposed this year as an economic clown car, the same can be said for bringing in the religious nuts. Eventually they were going to stop playing nice and go for what they really wanted.
For years, traditional Republicans put up with some serious idiots –– because their lunacy wasn’t harmful. Jerry Falwell being upset with a gay Teletubby. Pat Robertson praying for someone to blow up the State Department. Pat Hagee saying New Orleans was destroyed because of gays. No harm there. They were, just religious freaks being religious freaks. As long as Republicans were able to get their business shit done, the fanatics served their purpose. Over the years, the Republican Party moved farther and farther to the right.
Bush was the ultimate creation of the two groups. He’s a religious nut, but he also drops on his knees to take the sweet cock of big business whenever he can. Bush is from a big business family. He’s spent his life around big business, so he knows where his true loyalty lies. Sure, he’s still a born-again who thinks he was chosen by God, but he’s packed the courts with judges who favor corporations –– not judges who only care about religion. In the end, Bush was an insider. He was raised in a well-connected, very wealthy, political family. He found God later in life. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is one of them. And that shit is scary to many traditional Republicans.
She isn’t from a politically connected family. She did not come from wealth. She’s straight out of the church. And it’s a church with some scary connections. She and her kind talk about “real America,” which simply means, “Christians.” The people who believe America was founded as a Christian nation.
With the nomination of Sarah Palin, sensible Republicans went from being the users to possibly being used –– and they do not care for that idea. This is the religious right's attempt to flip the table, but it has been a massive failure. In every state, the same phrase is being used by long time Republicans: “She scares me.” In poll after poll, Americans say the number one reason people are not choosing McCain is Sarah Palin.
Today, the Republicans Party is a disaster. It is a great schism. Evangelicals now make up more than half the party –– and 23% of all voters. Moderates have been driven from the party, and now Goldwater Republicans may be following. Traditional Republicans will not side with the religious nuts if they want someone like Sarah Palin. And make no mistake about it –– they do. A recent poll breaks it down.
If John McCain is not elected president, which one of the following three possible candidates would you be most likely to support for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012?
Mitt Romney 35%
Mike Huckabee 26%
Sarah Palin 20%
That’s 35% for a business-minded Republican and 46% for a religious nut. Come 2012, they will not stand by and allow a non-religious nut to get the nomination. They will remember what happened with Sarah Palin and how many Republicans blamed her for McCain’s undoing. They will attack members of their own party the way they have attacked Democrats for years. They have already begun the purge. They are and will continue to destroy any chances the Republicans have of winning the presidency for years to come. They have no idea they are a minority. Traditional Republicans do, and that’s why they used them for so long. But then the minions crossed a line.
And what a glorious line it is.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters. Come see him at the San Jose Improv this Saturday and Sunday.
Asshole Fuckfacery is a living, breathing thing. It cannot die, it can only be wounded. The way to wound Asshole Fuckfacery is to drag it into the light for all to see, like a naked mole rat. Only then, will the Asshole Fuckface be harmed and it will often scurry back into a dark place and lick its wounds, someday to return again. This week, I will drag four horrible Asshole Fuckfaces into the light, for you to mock and laugh at. So, put on your aluminum aprons, because this is going to be ugly.
The nice thing about the right wing, is you can always count on some righty Asshole Fuckface to say the worst thing possible. Enter Brad Blakeman, one of the rich assholes behind Freedom’s Watch. Brad has a mouth and heart, but the two are apparently not connected in any way.
This week Barack Obama learned his grandmother is very ill. He decided to leave the campaign trail to spend time with his grandmother.
Harry Smith: You've said in the past that you regretted - your own mother's illness - and her death came so quickly. You didn't have time to get back to see her.
Barack Obama: Yeah, got there too late. ... We knew - she wasn't doing well. But you know, the diagnosis was such that we thought we had a little more time, and we didn't. And so I want to make sure that I don't - I don't make - the same mistake twice.
Asshole Fuckface Brad Blakeman doesn’t get it.
Schuster: Brad, if it's so important not to be spending money like a drunken sailor and I haven't asked you this but I'm curious to hear your view of the amount of money that was spent, 150,000 was spent on Sarah Palin's clothes at high end stores like Saks and Neiman. I don't even think you shop at Saks and Neiman.
Blakeman: No I don't, but let me tell you this. You know what the outrage is today? Is Barack Obama taking a 767 campaign plane to go visit his grandma.
Forget about the energy that is wasted, what about the hundreds of thousands of dollars to take a private trip when this guy should be humping his bags on a commercial plane or taking a smaller plane. Taking a 767 of campaign money from people who could least afford it is more of an outrage in my opinion.
Shuster: That is one of the most valiant tries I have ever seen in this entire debate about Sarah Palin's clothing allowance.
Blakeman: It's a fact!
Um. The only fact I see here is that you are an Asshole Fuckface. You are the epitome of everything that is wrong with the modern GOP. You have no soul and could not act like a human being if someone paid you. You are a cancer, a demon, pure bile and not nice. Barack Obama’s grandmother is gravely ill. This is the time to hold your tongue. But you can’t, because you are the worst human alive. Now, good day, sir.
Next up, religious fanatic Asshole Fuckfacery.
For those of you who don’t know, Sarah Palin is a religious lunatic. This week she provided a tasty example of how horrible of a person she is.
The definition of terrorism is pretty simple.
Terrorism;m/ –noun
1. the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
Sarah Palin is a complete Asshole Fuckface. People bombing clinics and killing doctors are terrorists. There is no counter argument, unless you are a religious fanatic. Her remarks are disgusting and an insult to those who have died.
Now others who would want to engage in harming innocent Americans or um facilities, that uh, it would be unacceptable -- I don’t know if you could use the word terrorist, but its unacceptable and it would not be condoned of course on our watch.
Note the term “innocent Americans.” She and her kind do not consider doctors who perform abortions to be “innocent,” so their killers are not terrorists. You can’t terrorize murderers in their world. So, sadly, Dr. Barnett Slepian and Robert Sanderson were not killed by terrorists in 1998. Dr. John Bayard Britton and James H. Barrett and Shannon Lowney and Leanne Nichols were not killed by terrorists in 1994. Dr. David Gunn was also not killed by terrorists in 1993. They were all killed in “unacceptable” situations. And the 200 clinic bombings and fires were not set by terrorists, but by “unacceptables.”
Sarah Palin is not only a disgusting animal, but also an Asshole Fuckface Hall of Famer.
Ashley Todd had a bad week. On Wednesday, while campaigning for McCain in Pittsburgh, she was violently assaulted. Ashley was taking money out of her ATM, when a black man mugged her. He put a knife to her neck and popped her in the eye. Then it got really bad. The mugger noticed that she had a McCain bumper sticker on her car and, being a black man, decided that was too much. He carved a “B” into her cheek with a knife. How fucked up is that?
It is pretty common for muggers to look around to see what bumper stickers are on their victim’s cars. Also, muggers commonly carve letters into their victim’s faces to make political points. Oh, and when they carve the “B,” they do it backwards, like they are looking through a mirror. Most muggers are dyslexic. Right?
Nope. But that didn’t stop the right wing from going apeshit. Drudge sent the minions loose. They couldn’t believe how horrible Barack supporters are. The animals! And a McCain campaign staffer actually put out a statement.
McCain's Pennsylvania campaign communications director gave one of his reporters a detailed version of the attack that included a claim that the alleged attacker said, "You're with the McCain campaign? I'm going to teach you a lesson."
Verrilli also told TPM that the McCain spokesperson had claimed that the "B" stood for Barack. According to Verrilli, the spokesperson also told KDKA that Sarah Palin had called the victim of the alleged attack, who has since admitted the story was a hoax.
Ashley Todd, 20-year-old college student from College Station, Texas, admitted Friday that the story was false and was being charged with making a false report to police, said Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department's investigations division. Police doubted her story from the start, Bryant said.
Now right wing Asshole Fuckfaces are claiming this fake accusation will cost McCain the White House. John Moody, executive vice president at Fox News:
"If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain's quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting."
Uh, yeah. Hate to break this to you, but McCain’s campaign ended a long time ago, in a giant ball of fire. Maybe you missed it, but it engulfed the entire state of Alaska and Wall Street. But, feel free to blame the crazy girl, because that won't make you seem more pathetic.
And finally, an Asshole Fuckface popped out at me while I was writing.
Moments ago, on Hardball, Republican Duncan Hunter produced an awesome description of Barack Obama. Mathews was talking about Barack Obama and why McCain was in trouble…
Hunter: Listen, McCain’s..all campaigns have many, many dimensions, but in John McCain, going after, for example, Joe Biden, talking about the major crisis Joe Biden says Barack Obama will face, the national security crisis. John McCain came right back at him and said he hasn’t been tested. I think John’s is wrong in that case. I think he has been tested. He was tested on Iraq. Here’s a guy with great teeth, great speaking style, excellent politician, and a superb debater, but when it came to the major issue of his time, can we win or lose in Iraq, he was wrong, John McCain was right.
(Weird and horrible beep at the beginning of this video)
Um. Thanks for throwing in the “great teeth” remark. It’s pretty fantastic because that’s one of the things slave buyers looked at when purchasing slaves back in the day. And here it just kind of popped out of your Asshole Fuckface mouth. If you watch the video, you actually can see Hunter pause after making the “great teeth” remark, as his horrible, little brain realizes the mistake he just made.
I look forward to 8 years of amazing racist comments.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Watching the rapid descent of Michelle Bachmann is a wonderful thing. For those of you unfamiliar with the raging idiot, she is a Congresswoman from Minnesota. Michelle has done some great things for our country, like introducing the Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act, begging her constituents to write awesome letters about her, telling everyone that Iran was going to be allowed to take over half of Iraq, throwing weirdly aggressive face plants on George Bush, and raising children like she is a possum. Oh, and she’s one of those religious lunatic Republicans who want to bomb and kill everything, but stop all abortions.
Last week, she went on Hardball and told America that liberals and Obama are anti-American. And she requested that the media investigate which members of Congress are secretly against America.
Four years ago, I think that would have gone over just fine. There were no voices in the media to go after this kind of jackassery. But now we have Keith Olbermann, Jack Cafferty, Rachel Maddow and You Tube. Idiots like Bachmann don’t get to say whatever they want without consequences. In this case, the consequences have been brutal.
First, liberals (anti-Americans) started ponying up the dough. Bachmann’s opponent, Minnesota pastor El Tinklenberg, has raised over $1.3 million since Bachmann’s comments ($100 from myself). That flood of money allowed Tinklenberg to create his first ad.
Next up came comments from Colin Powell directly attacking the spew that came out of Bachmann’s hate vent.
You know you’ve fucked up when an ex-Secretary of State points to you as one of the reasons he is supporting Obama over McCain.
Next, Congressional Quarterly downgraded the Minnesota 08 race from "Republican Favored" to "Leans Republican." That’s pretty enormous in a district that voted for Bush 57%-42% in 2004. This is red, red, red country we are talking about.
Bachmann handled all the negative attention like a champ. She just lied.
"Despite the way the blogs and the Democratic Party are spinning it, I never called all liberals anti-American, I never questioned Barack Obama's patriotism,"
Right. Hey, listen, Michelle. This is the year 2008. We actually have these devices that record what you say. As a matter of fact, you were on a television show. Television actually records everything you say. Here, looky:
"Absolutely. I'm very concerned that he may have anti-American views."
That’s exactly what you said. You’re an idiot. Sadly, the idiot couldn’t stop herself.
"I did not question Barack Obama's patriotism, I did not say he was anti-American," Bachmann said. "And the other accusation is that I was calling for members of Congress to be investigated on their anti-American views. That's absolutely a lie."
Which is weird, because you said it. On television.
Sensing blood in the water, the Democratic Party decided to go after Bachmann. On Tuesday, the DSCC decided to spend $1 million in the district and whipped up an ad.
So, now things were starting to look bad for Michelle. So bad that she actually realized it. No one was buying her incredible lie, mostly because it had been recorded on television. Michelle then switched from denial to a lame excuse at a rotary club function.
"Sometimes you make a decision about going on a show ... I probably should have said no to Chris Matthews."
"I had never seen his show before," she said. "I probably should have taken a look at what the show was like ... A trap was laid, but I stepped into it.
"I made a misstatement. I said a comment that I would take back."
Ah, I see. She fell into a horrible trap of questions. Poor idiot. Well, at least she came clean, right?
"I did not, nor do I, question Barack Obama's patriotism ... I did not say that Barack Obama is anti-American nor do I believe that Barack Obama is anti-American."
Oh, dear. She really is a moron.
Now Michelle Bachmann finds herself in a very sad, sad place. She has embarrassed her party by making incredibly stupid comments.She has riled up the Democratic base and swollen her opponent’s back account. And she can’t stop digging the hole. Yesterday, Bachmann went on Hugh Hewitt’s show and said…yeah, Obama is against America.
BACHMANN: All I did on Chris Matthews is I questioned Chris Matthews and said, “look, if John McCain had friends like Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers and Father Pfleger, you’d be all over him Chris, but you’ve laid off of Barack Obama.” And so, he was using the word “Anti-American” and I told Chris, what I question are Barack Obama’s views. Because Barack Obama’s views are against America. They won’t be good for our country.
So, Barack Obama’s not “anti-American,” but his views are “against America.” Seriously, how fucking stupid can one person be? Apparently, very stupid. She then went on the Mike Gallagher show and let it rip.
"What are Barack Obama's policies? Are they for America, or will they be against traditional American ideals and values?"
Well, it looks the Republican Party has had enough of Michelle Bachmann. The RSCC has decided to pull all of its ads from the Minnesota 08 race.
A Republican source has confirmed to Election Central that the NRCC is indeed pulling all its advertising for Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), whose antics since her McCarthyist rant on Hardball have quickly put this once-safe incumbent in serious danger. Several hundred-thousand dollars worth of TV time had previously been reserved on Bachmann's behalf, but now it has all been cancelled.
Aw, what a bummer. Before this all started on Friday, Bachmann was looking like a lock. She had $1.4 million on hand at the end of September, far more than her opponent, who was sitting with $357,000. Now Tinklenberg has pulled in $2.3 million over four days and Bachmann has been deserted by her own party. Welcome to the politics of stupidity.
None of this would have happened without shows like Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann – and the internet. It’s a different game now and people like Bachmann and Palin have no idea.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Now that we are getting down to the final days of the campaign, it’s time to take a look at how Republicans will steal this election. Bush stole the 2000 election by purging voters from voter rolls in Florida. Tens of thousands of mostly black “felons” were removed from the voter rolls by Kathleen Harris and Bush won by a tiny number of votes. Then in 2004, the election was stolen in Ohio via several insane tactics, like removing the press from a building where votes where being counted due to “national security reasons.” Election officials in Ohio have been convicted of charges related to their handling of the recount. You’d have to be a fucking moron not to believe the election was stolen in that state in 2004.
So, now here we are, facing another theft as Republicans do everything they can to prevent Americans from voting. One of the big attempts to stop people from voting in Ohio was thwarted by the Supreme Court last week.
The Supreme Court sided Friday with Ohio's top elections official in a dispute with the state Republican Party over voter registrations.
The justices overruled a federal appeals court that had ordered Ohio's top elections official to do more to help counties verify voter eligibility.
Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner, a Democrat, faced a deadline of Friday to set up a system to provide local officials with names of newly registered voters whose driver's license numbers or Social Security numbers on voter registration forms don't match records in other government databases.
Republicans were attempting to force the Secretary of State of verify new registration cards of 200,000 voters. There simply wasn’t enough time to do so and it would have disqualified many voters for things like spelling errors. Remember Joe the plumber? His name on the registration rolls has an “o” where a “u” should be, which would mean he would not be able to vote if the Republicans got their way –– all because some election worker couldn’t read his writing. Because the vast majority of new voters are registering as Democrats, this would have had a big negative effect on Obama voters.
Nine million new voters have registered for this election. Those are the people the GOP is targeting. The ridiculous ACORN charges, which CNN said, “looks like a fraud perpetrated on ACORN, not by ACORN,” , are just a way of gumming up the works. In some states, voters can be challenged at the polls, causing delays for other voters and forcing the challenged voter to cast a provisional ballot. Provisional ballots are not treated in the same way; many are left uncounted, being tossed out for technical reasons and because of lawsuits. This is the main crux of the Republican attack: People will impersonate voters and vote illegally.
A 2007 study by the New York University School of Law concluded that "it is more likely that an individual will be struck by lightning than that he will impersonate another voter at the polls."
So, it's a lie, plain and simple. But reality won’t stop Republicans. They are filing lawsuits and investigating wherever they can, regardless of the facts.
Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters, who serves as John McCain’s Southwest Ohio campaign chairman, has requested personal information for some individuals who registered and immediately cast a ballot during a weeklong period that ended earlier this month.
Deters issued a subpoena on Friday for complete registration records for roughly 40 percent of the 671 voters who registered and cast a ballot between Sept. 30, when early voting began, and Oct. 6, the deadline for voter registration.
The subpoena, obtained by The Associated Press, is part of a grand jury investigation initiated by Deters in the county.
“We’ve had widespread complaints of fraud but we do not discuss investigations at all,” Deters said. He said the complaints came from “a variety of sources.”
Ooooo, a “variety of sources.” Well, then by all means, intimidate and disenfranchise voters. And don’t just do it in one part of Ohio, or it wouldn’t look like a planned effort.
Law enforcement officials in southwest Ohio are seeking information on hundreds of voters who registered and voted during Ohio's weeklong same-day voting window.
Greene County Sheriff Gene Fischer and representatives of County Prosecutor Stephen Haller have contacted the local Board of Elections asking for the voter registration cards of everyone who voted during the six-day window, which ended Monday.
Greene County Sheriff Gene Fischer, a Republican, requested registration cards and address change forms Thursday for all 302 people who took advantage of the window. He told elections officials he had been flooded with telephone calls from people concerned about possible fraud.
Ooooo, “telephone calls from concerned people.” Oh noes! I wonder who they are?
These are classic Republican tactics. They won’t actually steal the votes, they will do everything they can to prevent people from voting in the first place. The people they are targeting are mostly blacks and college students.
Students in Virginia, Colorado and South Carolina were wrongfully told by voting officials that they could lose their scholarships and their parents would no longer be able to claim them on their income taxes if they registered to vote in their college towns.
In Alabama, scores of voters are being labeled as convicted felons on the basis of incorrect lists.
Michigan must restore thousands of names it illegally removed from voter rolls over residency questions, a judge ruled this week.
Tens of thousands of voters could be affected in Wisconsin. Officials there admit that their database is wrong one out of five times when it flags voters, sometimes for data discrepancies as small as middle initial or a typo in a birth date. When the six members of the state elections board -- all retired judges -- ran their registrations through the system, four were incorrectly rejected because of mismatches.
And the focus seems to be on certain states. You’re not going to believe this, but they are the important ones.
It is "this season's big issue," said Wendy R. Weiser, who directs voting rights projects for the Brennan Center for Justice at New York University's School of Law, noting that efforts to keep names off the lists are "a new trend, not in the majority of states but in the battleground states."
The reason this is “a new trend” is because of the Help America Vote Act of 2002. The law gave money to states to update the voting equipment and centralize their voter databases. Republicans are now using the centralizing of information to purge voters. If the name on your registration card does not match the name on your drivers license or Social Security number, you are tossed. So, people could be losing their right to vote because of a clerical error. Pretty great, huh?
Several of the battles over registration lists have taken on a partisan tinge, including in Montana, where a state GOP official challenged nearly 6,000 voters over apparent discrepancies in their addresses. He dropped his challenge after Democrats went to court, but not before one county sent letters to hundreds of voters informing them that their registrations were in jeopardy. Now the county is trying to let them know they are eligible to cast ballots after all.
The Republicans filed the case "with the express intent to disenfranchise voters," a federal judge said.
The GOP is throwing every thing against the wall and seeing what sticks.
Wisconsin Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen, who co-chairs John McCain's campaign in that state, is demanding that election officials use the database to re-verify the identities of voters who registered going back to 2006.
The elections board has refused, citing the database's error rate. The issue has gone to court, and a ruling is expected next week.
Thank God Republicans are looking out for fraud, or else some guy might vote when he shouldn’t –– and tens of thousands won’t be able to vote at all.
Among the errors with Wisconsin's database, which has been fully in place just since August, are incorrect ages for 95,000 voters, all of whom are listed as 108 years old. If no birth date was available when names were moved into the electronic system, it automatically assigned Jan. 1, 1900.
In court filings, Van Hollen said "tens of thousands" of ineligible voters could cast ballots, noting that Wisconsin "will be a swing state" whose 10 electoral votes "may be won by a very narrow margin."
If we're talking about voter fraud, we are obligated to look at Florida.
Today voting rights advocates expressed alarm over the Secretary of State's September 8th decision to enforce the state's "no-match, no-vote" law, a voter registration law that previously blocked more than 16,000 eligible Florida citizens from registering to vote, through no fault of their own, and could disenfranchise tens of thousands more voters in November. Secretary of State Browning's last-minute decision to implement the law in the final month before the registration deadline will pose a significant hurdle to eligible Florida citizens hoping to register and vote in November. It will disenfranchise voters who do not send or bring a photocopy of their driver's license to county election officials' offices after voting, even if these voters showed poll workers their driver's licenses at the polls on Election Day.
That’s all great, because the Social Security Administration’s record for matching voter registrations is stellar.
The Social Security Administration reports a 46% failure rate when trying to match voter registration applications. State officials admitted in a recent challenge to the law, Florida NAACP v. Browning, that typographical errors by election workers are responsible for most of the failures.
And you’re not going to believe this, but the Florida Secretary of State is a Republican. Shocking, I know. Of course, it’s not as shocking as Republicans admitting they want to stop people who lost their homes from voting.
In a startling concession, the Republican Party has admitted to participating in an illegal scheme to use foreclosure lists to challenge predominantly Democratic voters in Michigan on Election Day.
An announcement by the Michigan Democratic Party of the settlement of a suit brought last month by the Democratic Party and the Obama campaign states, "The settlement acknowledges the existence of an illegal scheme by the Republicans to use mortgage foreclosure lists to deny foreclosure victims their right to vote. This settlement has the force of law behind it and ensures that Republicans cannot disenfranchise families facing foreclosure.
Across the country, early voters are already experiencing long lines.
But this election is different. The six early voting sites across the county have experienced lines with 3,292 early ballots cast Wednesday and another 1,126 cast today by noon.
“Most depressing was watching only two of the five voting machines in use because of the slow registration validation process,” Bulter wrote.
Can’t wait to see how things zip along on election day, especially in areas with high African American populations and college voters. It is so blatant and obvious that when Republican Congressman Tom Davis was asked about it, he said the GOP would never engage in voter suppression –– as a joke.
Hee hee. We’re undermining democracy.
The attacks on ACORN are simply intended to create chaos at the polls on Election Day, in order to delay and discourage voters and lay the seeds for accusations of theft if Obama actually is able to overcome the current deficit he finds himself in. At least, that’s what the McCain camp is saying.
"If left uncorrected, these numerous investigations and accusations of voter fraud with ACORN could produce a nightmare scenario on Election Day."
Even though the right wing screams and loses their Borg-like mind over ACORN, the only person who has actually been arrested for voter fraud this year is a Republican.
Yesterday police arrested Mark Jacoby, the owner of Young Political Majors, a firm hired by Republicans to register voters. He is facing felony charges of voter registration fraud and perjury. Oh, and unlike ACORN, it’s a company actually committing voter fraud in different states
Dozens of newly minted Republican voters say they were duped into joining the party by a GOP contractor with a trail of fraud complaints stretching across the country.
Voters contacted by The Times said they were tricked into switching parties while signing what they believed were petitions for tougher penalties against child molesters. Some said they were told that they had to become Republicans to sign the petition, contrary to California initiative law. Others had no idea their registration was being changed.
Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? People can still vote, right? Well, it actually is an effective tactic.
The switches could impede Democratic get-out-the-vote efforts and could prevent those affected from voting in next year's Democratic primaries. Some of the voters were even switched to absentee status, meaning they could lose their vote entirely if they show up at the polls on Election Day without bringing an absentee ballot.
Election officials and lawmakers have launched investigations into the activities of YPM workers in Florida and Massachusetts. In Arizona, the firm was recently a defendant in a civil rights lawsuit.
MSNBC's Contessa Brewer asked legal analyst Susan Filan on Monday about the case. "This is really serious," Filan responded. "This is a very specific, deliberate intent to mislead." She contrasted it with the far more trivial accusations of voter fraud against the anti-poverty group ACORN, which has handed in occasional fake registrations under names such as "Mickey Mouse."
I’m sure the right wing blather machine will jump all over this story. If you want to know what this scumbag has been up to, I suggest reading BradBlog.
Republicans are working hard to steal this election, while keeping Democrats on defense with the ACORN allegations. One only needs to look at Colorado to see what is going on. The state has significantly increased its population since 2004, but there are 100,000 fewer voters registered. Greg Palast believes the suppression tactics have led to 2.7 million registration being tossed out.
Republicans are doing everything they can to steal another one. If they succeed, expect them to point at two excuses. One is complacency, which was recently handed to them on a silver platter by Obama and other Democrats. The other is the “Bradley Effect,” a mythical election theory, which assumes voters tell pollsters they will vote for a black man, but when they are in the booth they can’t bring themselves to do it. It is named after former Los Angeles Mayor Tom Bradley and assumes he lost his two races for governor because of this theory. The Bradley Effect is a complete load of bullshit. It never happened.
But none of that matters. Republicans have the script, with the reasons why Obama suddenly lost, even though polls expected a crushing victory. If they do, Democracy in America is officially dead.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.
This was a stellar week for Asshole Fuckfacing. They really should be proud of themselves. Asshole Fuckfaces have been at it since the dawn of time. The very first Asshole Fuckface was actually the serpent in the Garden of Eden. What a prick. Unfortunately, there was no one to write it down, so we don’t know what happened. Years later, my people were assigned to write the Asshole Fuckface Roundup every week. My father’s father’s father, Seamus Reaper, actually was the first to coin the phrase, “Put on your man bibs, this is going to be ugly.” In honor of Seamus, put on your man bibs.
Chris Baker and Langdon Perry are a couple of conservative radio hosts in Minneapolis. Last week, they were having a robust and thoughtful conversation about health care. At one point, a caller claimed that health care is not a right. That’s when their brains started working.
Perry responded by asking about treatable diseases that a person can live with for a long time "if you just get some basic drugs."
Baker responded, "Like Magic Johnson?"
Perry replied, "Like Magic with his faked AIDS. Magic faked AIDS."
Baker said, "You think Magic faked AIDS for sympathy?"
Perry replied, "I'm convinced that Magic faked AIDS."
"Me too," Baker said.
No, shit. Thank God someone finally said this out loud. Goddamn AIDS faker. Why wouldn’t he? I mean, it was such a bonanza for him, the way it ended his career and all. He’s like the AIDS cash cow, soaking up all that AIDS money and living during a time when people were afraid to shake his hand. Everyone was faking AIDS in 1992. I mean, I had AIDs in 1992, but not 1994, you know what I’m sayin?
A Minneapolis radio station says it will air public service announcements on HIV/AIDS after a pair of talk hosts accused Magic Johnson of faking AIDS.
Hey, thanks. Be sure to include the part about people not faking AIDS.
Diane Fedele, president of the highly respected Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated, sends out a newsletter to her members. This months was a doosey. It included a hilarious spin on Obama’s comment that he "doesn't look like all those other presidents on the dollar bills." Hell, no, he looks like the dude on the food stamps.
Well. Just let that soak in for a few minutes. There’s a watermelon, some fried chicken, some ribs and some cool-aid. And it’s all on a food stamp. Although, she still felt the need to explain it, in case it was too subtle.
"Obama talks about all those presidents that got their names on bills. If elected, what bill would he be on????? Food Stamps, what else!"
HA! He’s black! I get it! But now, Diane says she didn’t mean any harm.
"I didn't see it the way that it's being taken. I never connected," she said. "It was just food to me. It didn't mean anything else."
Yes. Just food. That is all. None of the food on the food stamp has any sort of meaning. It’s simply for nourishment.
Sheila Reines, a black member of the Republican group, was upset.
"This is what keeps African-Americans from joining the Republican Party," she said. "I'm really hurt. I cried for 45 minutes."
Um. Yeah. That’s what keeps African-Americans from joining the Party. Not all the policies and whatnot. Also, what the fuck are you doing?
Joseph Prudente is a 66-year-old grandpa who has lived in a restricted community called Beacon Woods since 1998. But things have not been going well for Joe. His mortgage just shot up $600 month, his Toyota was repossessed and his daughter had to move in because she is having trouble, too.
Beacon Woods requires homeowners to keep their laws green. But Joe didn’t have the money to sod it and repair his broken sprinklers. The Beacon Woods Civic Association sent letters, explaining he must resod by a specific date. Joe couldn’t. He explained to the association his financial situation. The Asshole Fuckface association didn’t care.
IPOD
RADIO
