Rally To Restore Sanity: "If we amplify everything, we hear nothing."
During his closing speech at today's Rally To Restore Sanity in Washington D.C., Daily Show host Jon Stewart attempted to answer the key question: “What exactly was this?”
“This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies.
"But unfortunately, one of our main tools in delineating the two broke. The country's 24-hour politico-pundit-perpetual-panic conflictinator did not cause our problems, but its existence makes solving them that much harder.
"The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems, bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen. Or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire, and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic.
"If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
"There are are terrorists and racists and Stalinists and theocrats, but those are title that must be earned, You must have the resume. Not being able to be able to distinguish between real racists and Tea Partiers, or real bigots and Juan Williams or Rick Sanchez is an insult, not only to those people but to the racists themselves, who have put in the exhausting effort it takes to hate. Just as the inability to distinguish terrorists from Muslims makes us less safe, not more. The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we actually get sicker...
"We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is, on the brink of catastrophe, torn by polarizing hate. And how it's a shame that we can't work together to get stuff done. The truth is, we do. We work together to get stuff done every damn day. The only place we don't, is HERE [motions to Capitol Building] or on cable TV. But Americans don't live here or on cable TV. Where we live, our values and principles form the foundation that sustains us while we get things done, not the barriers that prevent us from getting things done.
"Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats, Republicans, Liberals, or Conservatives. Americans live their lives more as people that are just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often, something they don't want to do. But they do it. Impossible things every day that are only made possible through the little, reasonable compromises we all make...
"We know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light, we have to work together. And the truth is there will always be darkness. And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the promised land. Sometimes it's just New Jersey. But we do it anyway - together."
Though Stewart's hyperbole-free comments were a clear and eloquent call for us all to lower the volume on discourse so we might hear and understand more, the question remains: Is it possible to restore reason to American politics?
The Final Asshole Fuckface Roundup
We had a good run, my little monkeys. This is the final Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Your life is officially empty. Of course, you can always head over to StopAllMonsters and enjoy more AFR, as I will be posting them there. For now, enjoy the final collection of Asshole Fuckfaces. They are nothing special, just your ordinary horrible people.
First up, some fireman Asshole Fuckfacery.
Charles Alexander Diez is not the best firefighter in North Carolina. This week, Chuck took it upon himself to stop people from riding bicycles in dangerous places with their children on the back.
A driver, now identified as an Asheville firefighter, shot a bicycle rider because he was angry the man was riding with his child on a busy road.
Well, that'll keep the kid from getting hurt. Sometimes lessons have to be taught hard and with a bullet. Buddha said that.
Diez spotted the crazy bike rider in a high traffic area. His three-year-old son was in a childs seat on the back. Thankfully, Diez had his weapon, so he could stop the guy from hurting the kid. Thats what guns are for.
First they argued, and then appropriate action was taken.
Diez pulled a gun and opened fire, hitting the victim in his bicycle helmet, according to police.
The helmet saved the guys life. And now the kid knows firemen will kill you if you fuck with them. Win win.
Next up, some banking Asshole Fuckfacery.
Remember when the Republicans fought tooth and nail to make sure bonuses could be paid to bank employees if those banks received TARP funds? Well, it all worked out.
Bonuses paid to executives at nine banks that received U.S. government bailout money in 2008 were greater than net income at some of the banks.
Oh, thank God. For a while, I thought this wouldnt have a happy ending.
Representatives of the banks either declined comment on the report or could not comment immediately.
Wait for them to get the hookers out of their mouths.
Goldman earned $2.3 billion, paid out $4.8 billion in bonuses and received $10 billion in TARP funding.
Youre totally welcome.
Morgan Stanley earned $1.7 billion, paid $4.475 billion in bonuses and received $10 billion in TARP funding.
Glad we could help.
JP Morgan Chase earned $5.6 billion, paid $8.69 billion in bonuses and received $25 billion in TARP funding.
Completely understandable, except to party bummer Andrew Cuomo.
Thus, when the banks did well, their employees were paid well. When the banks did poorly, their employees were paid well. And when the banks did very poorly, they were bailed out by taxpayers and their employees were still paid well.
Shut the fuck up. Why do you hate America, Cuomo? Fucking hippy. You try running a bank and not losing billions of dollars AND your awesome employees.
Again, thanks to the Republicans for fighting restrictions on bonuses. It worked out great.
Next up, some witch doctor Asshole Fuckfacery.
Spells are obviously getting super hard for witch doctors, with the economy being in the tank and all. Some witch doctors have come up with bold new rituals, like Mewalal Chauhan of Lakhimpur Kheri, India.
Villager Ram Niwas came to the witch doctor because he needed male heirs. He had produced sons, but none lived past infancy. The witch doctor had the perfect solution.
A human sacrifice was necessary to get rid of these problems.
Duh. How else do you make boys? Now, should we use a big, burly trucker, or
The witchdoctor, his male assistant and Niwas lured the little girl into a field where Chauhan cut off her head after prayers and rituals, the police officer said.
Right, a little, tiny girl who cant fight back will do. Good luck making a male heir in prison, Ram.
Finally, just straight up Asshole Fuckfacery.
For my final Asshole Fuckface of all time, Id like to go to the state of Ohio. Where else? Alan Patton is a 54-year-old man who lives in Columbus. Hes not the best fella in the world. In 1994, Mr. Patton served four years in prison after raping an 8-year-old boy. Now he has a new hobby.
Police said Patton goes to family restaurants and movie theaters and waits for boys in a bathroom stall. Investigators said he shuts off the water to the child-level urinal and puts a cup in the bottom. "He goes back and retrieves the cup and drinks the urine," Detective Ron Fithen said.
Well, we all have different things we like. When I was a kid, I enjoyed lemon with chocolate chip ice cream. Other people enjoy the taste of boy urine.
Police said Patton told them it makes him sick, but that it's almost spiritual to him.
We each have our own faith. Some just have a different way of expressing it. Patton is man enough to fight through the sickening taste of urine for his faith.
He allegedly added, "I like it because it makes me closer to them -- like I'm drinking their youth."
AHHHHHHHH. Fuck! God dam it! I hate everything now!
I cant think of a more fitting way to end the Asshole Fuckface Roundup. I had a good time here on SG. Most of you are good peeps, while a few of you are complete assholes.
Cheers!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Richard Farrell: The Two Hour Orgasm
Addiction first took hold of Richard Farrell after a torn knee put an end to hopes of a professional athletics career. That same injury started his relationship with pain medication. One thing led to another, as these things do, and by the time he reached thirty Farrell had succumbed to almost every aspect of the heroin lifestyle.
His journey to redemption is chronicled in his new memoir, What's Left of Us. Farrell was one of the lucky ones; after twenty failed attempts, he slayed his dragon at a run-down, state-funded detox clinic in Massachusetts, and went on to fulfill his potential as an author, journalist, teacher, filmmaker and screenwriter.
Many addicts will not be so fortunate. Clinics such as these are the easy victims of budget cuts. As bankrupt states struggle to pick up the incarceration tab for the collateral damage of the War on Drugs, and our federal government goes deeper into debt to pay for its War on (drug-funded) Terror, Farrell's life experience leads him to pose an important question: Have we forgotten the simple laws of supply and demand? By funding these two never-ending wars are we ineffectually treating the symptoms instead of battling the cause? Wouldn't our money be better spent reducing the demand for drugs?
The state-funded treatment of drug addiction has never been a vote-winning cause (just look at the tap dancing Obama was forced to do recently on the prickly issue of needle exchange programs). Here, in this special guest column, Farrell makes the case for a more enlightened drug (and healthcare) policy and talks of the horrors that will likely transpire if we continue on our current course, which is tantamount to treating cancer with a gold-plated plaster -- ridiculous, ineffectual, expensive and ultimately fatal.
Richard Farrell: The Two Hour Orgasm
I took heroin only once. But for three years, heroin took me to anyplace it wanted to. I stole, robbed, hustled, and did whatever was necessary to keep a 10-bag-a-day habit in full throttle.
Heroin is amazing. It is the devil. Heroin is like riding the peak of an orgasm for hours. It sucks you in, removes all your doubt and fears in a heartbeat. In less than three seconds, its warm snake grabs onto your heart and sets you free. I've been clean for over 22 years. But not one day goes by that I do not remember the mighty power of heroin's ensnare.
Back then, to most, I was a scumbag junkie who should have been locked up. The majority of people in America believe addiction is a moral issue. Sadly, the current administration's policy is a shadow of those beliefs.
President Obama has failed to confront the issue of free and immediate health care for all addicts seeking help. This is not only an egregious oversight but arguably an error that has the potentiality to crumble America from within.
Recently, President Obama created a four point plan of attack. First up on his agenda will be an all out effort to crackdown on drug use in our cities and towns. Next he'll be sending an increased, unspecified amount of US Border Patrol Agents to facilitate his third point of action. For the first time ever, the US Border Patrol will be conducting inspections of all trains and cars exiting the United States. And finally, Obama released $59 million to Homeland Security for immediate execution in the war against drugs.
On paper it appears to be a comprehensive attack. But the goal of reducing drug use in America and thereby decreasing demand of illegal drugs entering from Mexico will not be effective without an emergency health care plan that allows access to rehabilitation hospitals for drug addicts seeking recovery. There simply are not enough jails in America to hold the mounting numbers of drug addicts. Those suffering from this addiction only have two choices every morning -- repeat or recover.
Recently, the New York Times ran a story about Dana Smith, a mother who had just lost her son to heroin. The facts are gruesome, horrific. This was Dana Smith's third son lost to a heroin overdose. She said her boys "fell like dominoes."
But what strikes me is the location of where her kids died. Not in New York City, Detroit, Miami, or Los Angeles, but on the streets of Grove City, Ohio, in the heartland of America.
Heroin is back. The Federal Drug Administration has no way of adequately policing the vast network of crisscrossing highways in Middle America. Drug-traffickers understand their advantage here and are mounting an all out war for control of America's suburbs.
But there is another large ingredient to add to this potpourri. The fucking wheels have come off the United States economy. From coast to coast, fear, unemployment, crime, and mental depression have reached all-time highs.
And heroin is the perfect answer. It doesn't matter if you're a teenager whose parents have lost their jobs and homes. Or you're a returning soldier who has seen shit nobody should ever remember. Heroin, with its seductive magic, will free all from the uncertainties our future holds.
And the Taliban leadership in Afghanistan is mindfully aware of heroin's effect on the youth in the United States. In 2007, they earned $300 million from Afghan poppy farms. Most people fear the insurgence of the Taliban and their poppy farm profits which they're using to fund terrorism around the world. But President Obama and his administration are being fooled. The Taliban are after our youth and nobody on Capitol Hill has a clue.
They have forgotten about Virgil's epic poem The Aeneid. During the ten years of a failed siege on Troy, the Greeks built a large wooden horse in the darkness of night. One day the Greeks pretended to sail away and the Trojans pulled the horse into their city as a victory prize. However, inside were members of the Greek army who opened the gates. The Greek army retuned and destroyed Troy.
Heroin is our Trojan horse. You see, when I shot heroin it was $30 a bag. Today, because Afghanistan produces 90% of poppy seeds around the world, it is $5 a bag.
Any fuckin' questions?!
Bottom line, President Obama must confront the ever increasing popularity of heroin in America's heartland. We need to focus more tax dollars on free comprehensive health care. It is quite simple; the demand for heroin is increasing daily. The Taliban has the supply, the economy is spiraling downward, and hundreds of American kids are reaching out for euphoria.
Each and every new heroin addict is in search of that two-hour orgasm, but by the time heroin is finished, it will rob them of their souls. In the end, heroin will leave them and their families with nothing but pain, anguish, and death.
Mr. President, I personally do not know one single heroin addict with health insurance.
Richard Farrell is an author, filmmaker, teacher, journalist, and adjunct professor of English at the University of Massachusetts in Lowell. His documentary, High on Crack Street, was aired on HBO and received Columbia University's duPont Award. His memoir, What's Left of Us, published by Citadel Press, is out now. He is the screenwriter for the upcoming film The Fighter, which stars Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg.
The Biggest Failure of All
Years from now, as we look back in time, one glaring stance of the Bush administration will stand tall over the others. Bush's assault on the environment will forever be the worst that was done by his White House. As someone who went to college to study the earth and learn about its complexities, I believe the majority of men will not live through this century. The impact of global warming obviously goes far beyond shit just heatin up. We're already seeing very dangerous symptoms.
Global warming will hamper plants and animals ability to fight off infection and disease. Early warning signs are coming in the form of a massive bee die off, a massive bat die off, and an impending wheat fungus that is poised to sweep across the planet, possibly killing 80% of wheat crops.
Crop scientists fear the Ug99 fungus could wipe out more than 80% of worldwide wheat crops as it spreads from eastern Africa. It has already jumped the Red Sea and traveled as far as Iran. Experts say it is poised to enter the breadbasket of northern India and Pakistan, and the wind will inevitably carry it to Russia, China and even North America -- if it doesn't hitch a ride with people first.
"It's a time bomb," said Jim Peterson, a professor of wheat breeding and genetics at Oregon State University in Corvallis. "It moves in the air, it can move in clothing on an airplane. We know it's going to be here. It's a matter of how long it's going to take."
Bats, bees and plants are fragile, much more so than man. The threat of global warming does not come from man getting a little hotter; it comes from a breakdown in the food supply, floods, a lack of water and dying crops. All of those things are already happening. We are already dying, just very slowly.
The few global warming deniers are wrong and shockingly stupid. Even if they were right, their argument is to keep polluting, which makes them serious idiots. My father is one of them. He sends me email after email from his right wing leaders, who simply cherry pick data and pass it off as proof that global warming is not occurring. They believe carbon dioxide levels have been rising for the past ten years and temperatures have gone down. Whatever argument they can make, consistency be damned. As I said, they are idiots and they are wrong.
Seven of the eight warmest years on record have occurred since 2001 and the 10 warmest years have all occurred since 1995.
The scary thing is that scientists are discovering their models are not at all what they predicted -- because as time passes, the results are turning out to be far worse.
The research, conducted by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and published this month in Journal of Climate, predicts a 90 percent probability that worldwide surface temperatures will rise more than 9 degrees (F) by 2100, compared to a previous 2003 MIT study that forecast a rise of just more than 4 degrees.
Scientists are alarmed.
The climate is heating up far faster than scientists had predicted, spurred by sharp increases in greenhouse gas emissions from developing countries like China and India, a top climate scientist said on Saturday.
"The consequence of that is we are basically looking now at a future climate that is beyond anything that we've considered seriously," Chris Field, a member of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, or IPCC, told the American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting in Chicago.
Field said "the actual trajectory of climate change is more serious" than any of the climate predictions in the IPCC's fourth assessment report called "Climate Change 2007."
And the fear is now that a quick change will occur.
The worst-case scenarios on climate change envisaged by the UN two years ago are already being realized, say scientists at an international meeting.
In a statement in Copenhagen on their six key messages to political leaders, they say there is an increasing risk of abrupt or irreversible climate shifts.
This is, quite simply, far worse than the worst-case scenario. All the doom and gloom predictions were actually rosy predictions. The suffering humans will endure this century is unimaginable.
This week, the Obama administration released satellite photos that detail what we are dealing with. These photos were classified by the Bush administration. They are photos of disappearing ice. The only reason to classify them is because they are damaging evidence against global warming deniers. Enjoy the horror.
The Bush administration released the photos to scientists, but would not allow them to be released for public use. Maybe they thought terrorists would get a hold of the photos of less sea ice and make non-sea iceboats to attack Alaska. Or, maybe they just wanted to keep the lie of no global warming alive because they only served big business, not the people. Either way, this is very, very bad. Overall, 1,000 photos were released by Obama, who seems to actually believe in science.
The results of human created gases will be extreme. Our forests will die. The ice caps will melt, causing massive flooding. Larger storms will kill more people. Islands will disappear. Diseases will spread. Crops will fail. Large animals will die off. Allergies will worsen exponentially. Tropical insects will die off, while temperate insects will flourish. Water wars will be common. They've already begun.
And there is no stopping it. That time has passed.
Climate change is "largely irreversible" for the next 1,000 years even if carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions could be abruptly halted, according to a new study led by the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA).
The study's authors said there was "no going back" after the report showed that changes in surface temperature, rainfall and sea level are "largely irreversible for more than 1,000 years after CO2 emissions are completely stopped."
Besides the war and destroying the world economy, George Bush will be known as the man who did nothing while the dam was breaking. Its his legacy. Its also the legacy of idiots who deny global warming, who cherry pick evidence to prove their lies while mankind slowly drives off a cliff.
Is there hope? I seriously doubt it. The only remote hope we have is that the the sun is cooling. So, you can hang your hat on that. But, I think were toast. We are parasites and we are being removed through the old classic: A fever. You are about to live through the most horrifying century man has ever known.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. More from FearTheReaper can be found HERE. You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #107
Were down to the second to last Asshole Fuckface Roundup of all time. Ive been called up to the big leagues. Asshole Fuckfaces will no longer be my business. This makes today the 7th worst day in world history. Tomorrow will be the 6th and you can probably see a pattern developing. So, hold on to your assholes, because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some Ohio Asshole Fuckfacing.
Meet Ohio State Representative John Adams. He believes womens bodies belong to men, like property. Women should obviously have no say in what they want in their pathetic lives.
An Ohio lawmaker has introduced a bill that would prevent a woman from having an abortion unless she gets written consent from the biological father.
Cant see any problem with that. Its just a well thought out policy.
"What does the father have to say in the abortion of his child? He has nothing to say (under current law)," Adams told 10TV News.
Thats because its not growing in his torso and coming out of his vagina.
In the case where the father isn't known, House Bill 252 would compel the woman to provide a list of names of people who may be the father in an effort to determine paternity. The bill also would make it a crime for women to lie about who the father is, and make it illegal for doctors to perform abortions without the father's consent.
A worthy use of government. Also, if the father is located, the woman will be branded with his name on her forehead. Oh, and I loved the book, The Handmaid's Tale. Thanks for the reminder.
The bill would force a woman to have a child if the father does not agree to an abortion.
Or to move out of Ohio. Dear John Adams, you are sub-human.
Next up, more racist Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.
As I wrote the day Obama was elected, racist Republican nonsense will continue to spew forth every day Obama is in office. Republicans, or, as they are often called, rich, white people, believe their racist jokes are something everyone does. They believe its just our common language and they will continue sending offensive jokes and twitters until he leaves office. Its who they are. They don't know any better.
First, well start with Atwater, California City Council member Gary Frago. Garys big on sending out hilarious emails about President Obama and his wife.
Breaking News Playboy just offered Sarah Palin $1 million to pose nude in the January issue. Michelle Obama got the same offer from National Geographic.
Shes black, by the way. I mean, if you missed the hilarity, National Geographic is known for publishing photos of bare-chested African women, or, at least they did in the 50s.
Some emails compared Obama to O.J. Simpson while others suggested that nigger rigs should now be called presidential solutions.
Obviously, Gary has a big future in politics, but hes not the worst racist emailer of the week. No, that honor goes to Dr. David McKalip. Dr. David is the founder of the right-wing, anti-health reform group Doctors For Patient Freedom. Hes one of the doctors the GOP is taking out for talks to explain to Americans why health care reform is bad.
"Congress wants to create larger, government-funded programs for health care and more bureaucracy that ration care and impose cookbook medicine."
Good stuff. He also sent out this image of Obama as a witch doctor this week.
McKalip said he believes that by depicting the president as an African witch doctor, the artist who created the image "was expressing concerns that the health-care proposals [made by President Obama] would make the quality of medical care worse in our country." McKalip said he didn't know who created it.
Hell yeah. Its impossible to make that point without putting a bone in the presidents nose. Impossible.
Next up, more Republican Asshole Fuckfacery.
The Republicans have whipped up their talking points to stop health care reform. Here's the highlight:
Democrats are proposing a government controlled health insurance system, which will control care, treatments, medicines and even what doctors a patient may see.
So, health insurance that will control care, treatments, medicines and even what doctors a patient may see? Um, thats exactly what we have now. So, good point? Oh, and there's more.
President Obama's health care experiment is too much, too fast, too soon. Our country cannot afford to fix health care through a rushed experiment.
Its a good thing we havent had, like, 60 years to think about it. In actuality, it needs to be a rush job. Why? Because 5 million Americans have lost their insurance since September. Because 16% of Americans over the age of 18 have no health insurance. Thats actually something you should deal with fast, not slow. Oh, and 70% of Americans want a public plan.
The only reason Republicans want to slow it down is because they want more time to come up with lies to spread across the airwaves to defeat health care reform. And they have no plan. No plan.
Finally, some pot Asshole Fuckfacery.
With all that is going on in our country, it amazing we continue our war on drugs, specifically marijuana. Currently, law enforcement officials are conducting Operation SOS or, Save Our Sierra. They are saving it from pot.
More than 314,000 plants were uprooted in 70 gardens numbers expected to rise as the enforcement action continues, the paper reported. Agents also seized $41,000 in cash, 26 firearms and three vehicles.
Sweet. Obamas drug policy is the same old, stupid, moronic drug policy we have been living under for years, with the same old idiots in charge. Take Obamas new idiot drug czar, Gil Kerlikowske, who had some awesome things to say about pot.
"Legalization is not in the president's vocabulary, and it's not in mine," he said.
"Marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit," Kerlikowske said.
No, cant think of a thing.
Keep on keepin on. Its a tremendous success and a great use of our money. By the way, government, if pot was legal pot farmers wouldn't be screwing up the environment up in the mountains. Just a tip.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Where Is The Birth Certificate!?! Why Am I Stupid!?!
Sometimes Americans stupidity really amazes me. When we jump into Lake Idiot, we go really deep and get really wet. The most glaring example today is the Birther movement. Birthers believe President Obama was not born in this country and, therefore, should not be president. They believe he has a counterfeit birth certificate and he is going to kill us all. Or something like that. Obviously, the fact that he is black has nothing to do with it.
These people also went nuts while Bill Clinton was president when they called him a rapist and a murderer and every other horrible label they could come up with. Now, its Obamas time. But, holy shit, could you latch onto a dumber conspiracy theory? They are very, very serious about it and are now making life difficult for the Republican representatives because nothing is being done about this terrible miscarriage of justice. Just check out how poor Representative Mike Castle (R-Del.) fared at a recent town hall meeting a couple of weeks ago.
They just stood up and recited the pledge of allegiance. Its astounding how ridiculous they are. You could not even parody them, as they have hit the limits of mocking. They are living, breathing satire.
But its not like all Republicans are shying away from the dumbest movement ever. Some are jumping right on board.
Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.), who has introduced a bill that would require future presidential candidates to provide proof of U.S. citizenship, has collected four more co-sponsors Reps. John R. Carter, John Culberson and Randy Neugebauer, all Republicans from Texas, and Rep. John Campbell (R-Calif.). Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) became the first co-sponsor last month.
Nice work. You guys don't at all seem crazy. But how can they not be? Rush Limbaugh has taken up the cause and is now making comments on his daily tard fest.
And now Lou Dobbs has taken up the cause of the biggest idiots in America.
Mind-boggling. And even more so because Obama is not a Mexican. I guess Lou is branching out. This kind of coverage is not helping the situation. It makes the Birthers think they are winning - but make no mistake about it, they are not winning - except in the clowns of the year competition.
The Birthers have been trying to prove Obama is not an American citizen in court ever since Obama declared his candidacy. And each and every time, the courts slap them down on the grounds that they are cartoonishly insane. Birthers put the full court press on electors last year, in a final attempt to stop the Muslim spy from becoming president. Sadly, they failed.
This shockingly stupid movement began during the primaries, when rumors circulated on blogs and low rated right wing radio that Obamas middle name was Muhammad (Because Hussein wasnt scary enough). That naturally transitioned into questioning his birth certificate and we were off and running. Facts are totally unnecessary and will be dismissed no matter what.
The Obama campaign actually released a copy of his birth certificate but it was deemed a fake by experts who sit in their homes tapping away on their keyboards. The Birthers said the certificate didnt have a raised seal or a signature, even though it has a raised seal and a signature. Easy mistake to make. Although, they were inspecting a digital version online and I don't know if you know this but NOTHING has a raised seal online. Weird and kind of spooky, isn't it? The certificate claimed that Obama was born in Honolulu at 7:24 p.m. on Aug. 4, 1961.
And there was a birth announcement in the local paper, which was obviously a lie put there by God to try to test peoples faith, just like he did with dinosaur bones. The Birthers believe the Obama family could have phoned the announcement in from Kenya where he was really born! See, the family obviously knew that they would eventually move to Hawaii and raise this young black child named Barack Hussein Obama to be president. That's why they grabbed a easy to reach phone in their hut in Kenya and called Hawaii. It was the perfect plan! And totally not true!
The Associated Press quoted Chiyome Fukino as saying that both she and the registrar of vital statistics, Alvin Onaka, have personally verified that the health department holds Obama's original birth certificate.
Fukino said she has personally seen and verified that the Hawaii State Department of Health has Sen. Obamas original birth certificate on record in accordance with state policies and procedures."
Liar! You have so much to gain by hiding the truth! And Obama would have Arab terrorists kill you!
Of course, now that Pat Boone has taken up the cause, its become serious business. When Pats in the game, youve got to watch your ass, hence the term, Youve been Booned.
One thing for sure: This is not going away. More and more people are determined to get the truth, and will press to get it. Why should the president and his team stonewall this legitimate and proper request. Is there indeed something devastating to keep hidden?
Hey, I have a great idea. Mr. President, show us your birth certificate.
Not until you show proof of talent.
The reason I decided to write this article is because I saw one of their billboards on the I-5 last weekend.
They are throwing this nonsense up all over the country. The sad thing is this is the kind of shit that led to the creation of militias and all the right wing hate groups when Clinton was in office. All it takes is one lunatic, who is driven insane by the fact that our president is illegitimate, to do some serious damage. The right wing fringe is seriously going over the edge and we need to keep an eye on them.
But at the same time, we should be laughing at them every chance we get. Because they are completely insane.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #106
Happy Asshole Fuckface Friday. Its time to make yourself feel better by taking a look at human filth. Thats what the baby Jesus said to do. If you want to feel better, look at people who suck. Its in The Bible somewhere. Chapter 8, I think. So, lets get our favorite plastic suit on, because this is going to be nasty.
First up, some soldier Asshole Fuckfacery.
Apparently, if you are a really stupid soldier, you can refuse to deploy because of myths. Meet US Army Major Stefan Frederick Cook. Today he is the dumbest Asshole Fuckface on the face of the Earth.
Cooks lawyer, Orly Taitz, who has also challenged the legitimacy of Obamas presidency in other courts, filed a request last week in federal court seeking a temporary restraining order and status as a conscientious objector for her client.
In the 20-page document filed July 8 with the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Georgia the California-based Taitz asks the court to consider granting his clients request based upon Cooks belief that Obama is not a natural-born citizen of the United States and is therefore ineligible to serve as commander-in-chief of the U.S. Armed Forces.
Its a good point. Also, you shouldnt have to serve if Obama is hobbit. Or a changeling. There really is no need to go into the Birther argument. If you believe Obama was not born in Hawaii because he was some secret baby spy sent by Muslims to be the first black president, then you arent worthy of a response. Youre clinically insane.
Oh, but this story doesnt end there. Turns out Cook volunteered to go to Afghanistan, so he didn't have to sue. He could just ask to stay in the US and the Army would say, "okay."
Because he's a reserve soldier who volunteered for an active duty tour he can "ask for a revocation of orders up until the day he is scheduled to report for active duty," a public affairs officer explained. Cook volunteered for the tour in May of this year. It is not clear why he did so, considering his current objections.
Does the story end there? Oh, good God no. Turns out Cook worked for a private Department of Defense contactor named Simtech Inc. I say worked because he was fired after he filed the lawsuit against the president. Yeah, its kind of dumb to file a frivolous lawsuit against the people you work for. See ya!
The Freepers are going batshit crazy over this one, by the way. Cook is the new Paula Jones.
Next up, an old favorite Asshole Fuckface returns.
Pat Buchanan has an interesting take on the whole Sarah Palin quit and people are talking about it thing. Palin's ex-son-in-law Levi Johnstons has been yacking to the media, and Buchanan, in turn, in mouthing off about Levi.
Well, first, with regard to Levi, I think First Dude up there in Alaska, Todd Palin, ought to take Levi down to the creek and hold his head underwater until the thrashing stops.
Oh. Um. You do know you just said one person should murder another person on live television, right? Simply because hes being critical? Hes a 19-year-old. You know, a young kid who was dragged into the national spotlight by Sarah Palin and now has some personal issues with Sarah and her family. But, yeah, he should be killed for saying things.
Nice work. You should be allowed to speak your horrible, racist mind as much as you want.
Next up, an Asshole Fuckface law.
You know whats better than having parents who are horrible? Having to pay their bills.
This one's going to blow baby boomers' minds. It concerns a little-known law dating to Elizabethan England suddenly being enforced with gusto in Pennsylvania. The law can force adult children to pay their parents' health-care costs.
Can't I just kill them instead?
It happened to Don Grant. It can happen to you.
The Havertown man is nearly 50 and struggling to pay his mortgage and $100,000 in student loans incurred by his daughter, a recent Albright College grad.
Last year, Grant was sued because his mother, Diana Fichera, did not pay an $8,000 bill at a Delaware County nursing home, where she rehabilitated after surgery.
Grant went to court with his half-sister, who was also sued. He told the nursing-home attorney that he's estranged from his mother and that Fichera has income from Social Security plus two pensions.
The nursing-home lawyer told Grant that all would be resolved if Fichera paid up. When she again refused, the judgment was entered against the whole family.
Seems totally reasonable. Hey, why not sue the fucking neighbors! And the family dog, as well? Why is it being let off the hook?
Blue Bell lawyer Brian Scott Dietrich represents Brinton Manor, but did not return phone calls for comment. Pennsylvania State University law professor Katherine Pearson knew why as soon as I mentioned his name.
"There are three or four major lawyers in Pennsylvania who specialize in representing nursing homes and hospitals, and one of their favorite tools is Pennsylvania's filial statute. Dietrich is one of them," says Pearson, an expert on the arcane issue, also known as "support of indigents."
"These attorneys will bring suit against adult children even if the children live out of state and even if it's been years since they had contact with their parent."
Good work, America!
And finally, some media Asshole Fuckfacery.
This week, the Congressional Budget Office released an estimate for the Houses health care bill: One trillion dollars over 10 years. Thats about the same as an Iraq War, if youre looking for comparisons.
Of course, the AP reported it quickly.
House Democratic leaders, pledging to meet the president's goal of health care legislation before their August break, are offering a $1.5 trillion plan that for the first time would make health care a right and a responsibility for all Americans. Left to pick up most of the tab were medical providers, employers and the wealthy.
Oh, Im sorry. Did we accidentally use a different, 33% larger number? Well, we are the AP and were basically Fox News at this point, so we went with that one. Oh, but we have a reason.
A House Democratic aide said the total bill would add up to about $1.5 trillion over 10 years. The aide spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the private calculations.
OH, a house AIDE. That's what you're using to override the CBO? Right, good "reporting." Lets fuck up one of the most important debates our country has ever had with lies. I mean, they did it with the Iraq War, so why not healthcare as well? The AP is still running with the number, which is totally unverified. And the number is starting to spread, like a virus.
Its a lie, propagated by Ron Fournier, the AP Washington bureau chief, who is a right-wing nutjob. Basically, the AP is a shill for the right wing, a shell of its former self, an embarrassment to journalism and helping to ruin America.
The AP can no longer be trusted as a news source. Be sure to spread the word.
Image courtesy of Pixelmarx.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Jenny McCarthy: Deaths New Buddy
The most horrifying news of the year for me, so for, was Oprahs decision to give Jenny McCarthy her own television show. McCarthy is the voice of the anti-vaccination movement. Its a movement based on lies and rumor, bereft of scientific evidence and extremely dangerous. Giving McCarthy a daily platform to spew her unrelenting nonsense will eventually lead to the deaths of many children. They are already dying, just not yet in numbers large enough to call for McCarthys head. But that day is coming. As of now, the the body count stands at one hundred and ninety one children.
The anti-vaccine stupidity began back in February 1998, when Andrew Wakefield published the results of a research study in The Lancet medical journal. He concluded that vaccinations caused autism. The massive study consisted of 12 kids. Oh, and it turned out to be a lie.
The doctor who sparked the scare over the safety of the MMR vaccine for children changed and misreported results in his research, creating the appearance of a possible link with autism, a Sunday Times investigation has found.
Confidential medical documents and interviews with witnesses have established that Andrew Wakefield manipulated patients data, which triggered fears that the MMR triple vaccine to protect against measles, mumps and rubella was linked to the condition
Thankfully, this information was not revealed until 2009, so the McCarthys of the world had 11 years to blame vaccinations for autism because of a study that wasnt true. The true cause of autism is still not known. Some studies have found genetic and environmental links, but nothing certain. To date, it is a medical mystery and thats just not something that can be. In todays world, there must be a reason and the anti-vaccination kids have got some fantastic evidence. Its called something happens when something else happens."
Causation and correlation are two different things. The McCarthys of the world believe they are the same thing. An action or occurrence can cause another (such as smoking causes lung cancer), or it can correlate with another (such as smoking is correlated with alcoholism). If an action causes another, they are probably correlated, but just because two things occur at the same time, it does not mean one caused the other. That is what Jenny wants the world to believe.
In her world, where she is a former Playmate and failed actor taking on scientists, autism is caused by vaccinations because the number of vaccination shots have increased at the same time the number of autism cases increased. Can you find any holes in that brilliant theory? Have more toxins been introduced to our environment? Have our children been exposed to more plastic? What about pesticides? There are millions of possibilities, but we shall focus on vaccinations. Just because. Oh, and in a related causation theory, highway fatalities are directly related to how many lemons we import. Crazy, right? Its true. Look, heres a graph!
There is no proven causation between vaccines and autism. You know what is proven causation? Getting polio and not being able to walk.
Some people seem to believe its a personal choice. They are not vaccinating their kid and that has nothing to do with your kid. Er, no. Vaccines work only if the entire herd is vaccinated. Thats why its called "Herd immunity."
Herd immunity (or community immunity) describes a type of immunity that occurs when the vaccination of a portion of the population (or herd) provides protection to unprotected individuals. Herd immunity theory proposes that, in diseases passed from person-to-person, it is more difficult to maintain a chain of infection when large numbers of a population are immune. The higher the proportion of individuals who are immune, the lower the likelihood that a susceptible person will come into contact with an infected individual.
The more unvaccinated children there are, the more likely vaccinations become ineffective and EVERYONE in the herd become susceptible. No vaccine is 100% effective. Herd immunity requires that approximately 90% of the population be vaccinated, the specific percentage depending upon the disease and the vaccine. We are currently dropping below those levels in many areas of the US. California and Colorado are areas where the percentages have dropped way below 90%.
From 1985 through 1992, exemptors in all states were 35 times more likely to contract measles than nonexempt children. In Colorado, exemptors were 22 times more likely to have had measles and 5.9 times more likely to have had pertussis than vaccinated children.
Upper middle class idiots are the usual suspects because they have Google. Google is the new doctor. Because of vaccinations, people have forgotten how horrible a disease like pertussis can be. My pediatrician just treated a 9-week-old infant for pertussis. He spent 11 days in the hospital near death because a neighborhood kid wasnt vaccinated. Nice parenting, your child is Typhoid Mary.
Before vaccinations, thousands of children died or got sick every year from measles, mumps and rubella. Why not go back to those good old days? How about a preventable death in Minnesota?
In 2008, five children aged 5 years were reported to the Minnesota Department of Health with invasive Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib) disease; one died. Only one of the children had completed the primary Hib immunization series; three had received no doses of Hib-containing vaccine.
Hey, at least that dead kid doesnt have autism from the vaccine that doesnt give people autism.
I live in the epicenter of the anti-vaccination stupidity: Los Angeles.
A rising number of California parents are choosing to send their children to kindergarten without routine vaccinations, putting hundreds of elementary schools in the state at risk for outbreaks of childhood diseases eradicated in the U.S. years ago.
At Ocean Charter School in Del Rey, near Marina del Rey, 40% of kindergartners entering school last fall and 58% entering the previous year were exempted from vaccines, the highest rates in the Los Angeles Unified School District.
The parents are actually searching out schools that have the highest numbers of un-vaccinated children. Hay + Match = Fire. Should work out well. And Northern California is not better.
The North Bay, and Sonoma County in particular, is a hot bed of anti-vaccine sentiment. Of the 13 schools in the state with the highest percentage of kindergartners with exemptions from vaccination requirements, three are in Sebastopol. Of the 50 schools with the highest rates of exemptions, six are in Sonoma County and two in Marin.
There is not much drop-off after that: of the 255 schools with the highest exemption rates, 34 -- 13.3 percent -- are in Sonoma and its neighboring counties.
Can these people be dumber? Oh, shit yes. They are now going medieval.
Pox parties are popping up in neighborhoods in several U.S. cities. On Internet bulletin boards and blogs, rumors spread that the chickenpox vaccine is somehow unsafe or ineffective. Parents worried by these rumors join email rings. When one of these parents' children gets chickenpox, the parents invite others in the community to a pox party...
A "natural mothering" web site gives a recipe for spreading varicella zoster virus -- the chickenpox germ. It advises parents to pass a whistle from the infected child to other children.
Wow, thats the best idea Ive ever heard. Measles is like the cold, except that it can cause severe pneumonia or encephalitis and brain damage. Oh, and now that an anti-biotic resistant strain of A streptococcus is rampant, you might was well give your child the gift of itchy, open sores.
"It is absolute lunacy," UCLA infectious disease specialist Peter Katona, MD, tells WebMD.
Chickenpox isn't a walk in the park. And every once in a while, a child gets a very serious form of the disease. One in 50,000 kids gets a brain infection that causes retardation or death.
Hey, better than autism.
"Imagine losing a child because you were dumb enough to bring him to a pox party," Gershon says.
Imagine being the child.
The anti-vaccine movement has been criticized quite a bit from sensible humans and these crazy people called scientists. Amanda Peete took McCarthy on with facts, but the media turned it into an episode of Cat Fight. Sadly, people like Larry King and Oprah have Jenny McCarthy on because she is more fun than Mr. Boring Armed With Facts Scientist. Usually, the scientist is not as nice looking either. Plus, who wouldnt want to take their medical advice from ex-playmates and failed sitcom stars? It just seems reasonable. Later I'm getting a cancer screening from a former mime.
Because of the criticism and the revelation that the original study was a complete lie, McCarthy and her henchmen have become more evasive and re-branded themselves as "pro-safe vaccine, not anti-vaccine." They are using the slogans, "Green Our Vaccines" and "Too Many Too Soon." Suddenly, they are no longer against vaccines, just for "safe vaccines." You know, not like the ones they falsely correlate as unsafe. Got it? Its a no win battle against idiots. But, when questioned, McCarthy goes right back to the old stand by it's the vaccines.
Q - Most people who blame autism on vaccines point to the mercury in the shots, yet mercury has been removed from most vaccines and autism rates continue to climb.
MCCARTHY: We don't believe it's only the mercury. Aluminum and other toxins also play a role. The viruses in the vaccines themselves can be causing it, too.
Wait. Hold on. She wants safe vaccines. Vaccines without mercury and aluminum and other toxins. BUT, IT COULD ALSO BE THE VACCINES THEMSELVES. Seriously, fuck off. She does not care if other peoples children die. Is that a crazy accusation? Not after you read her words.
Q: Your collaborator recommends that parents accept only the haemophilus influenza type B (HIB) and tetanus vaccine for newborns and then think about the rest. Not polio? What about the polio clusters in unvaccinated communities like the Amish in the U.S.? What about the 2004 outbreak that swept across Africa and Southeast Asia after a single province in northern Nigeria banned vaccines?
MCCARTHY: I do believe sadly it's going to take some diseases coming back to realize that we need to change and develop vaccines that are safe.
Wow. So, to prevent the mythical connection to autism, you want a bunch of children to perish horribly, or be paralyzed, or suffer brain damage. Quite the Mother Theresa, you are.
If the vaccine companies are not listening to us, it's their f___ing fault that the diseases are coming back. They're making a product that's s___. If you give us a safe vaccine, we'll use it. It shouldn't be polio versus autism.
You are a fantastic spokeswoman. Thoughtful, logical and batshit crazy. But why should we expect anything less from the Indigo Mother of a Crystal Child.
The day I found out I was an adult Indigo will stay with me forever. I was walking hand in hand with my son down a Los Angeles street when this woman approached me and said, Youre an Indigo and your son is a Crystal. I immediately replied, Yes! and the woman smiled at me and walked away. I stood there for a moment, because I had no idea what the heck an Indigo and Crystal was, but I seemed so sure of it when I had blurted out Yes! After doing some of my own research on the word Indigo, I realized not only was I an early Indigo but my son was in fact a Crystal child.
Hell, yeah. Take medical advice from her. That wonderful comment came out of McCarthy on the Larry King Show. She had many other delightful things to say.
And isnt it ironic, in 1983 there was 10 shots and now theres 36 and the rise of autism happened at the same time?
No, it isnt ironic. Its coincidental. Those are different things.
I believe that parents anecdotal information is science-based information
I believe rabbits shit chocolate. An older kid told me that when I was five. It's science.
Environmental toxins play a role. Viruses play a role. Those are all triggers. But vaccines play the largest role right now.
Lemons. Highway accidents. Look it up, youll be frightened.
The anti-vaccination crowd will continue to make unproven claims and before those claims are scientifically proven to be false, they will have created more. First it was mercury in the vaccines, which was proven to be false.
The scientific data, taken in totality, does not support a link between mercury in vaccines and autism. Today yet another important study by Robert Schechter and Judith Grether was released, published in the Archives of General Psychiatry entitled Continuing Increases in Autism Reported to Californias Developmental Services System: Mercury in Retrograde1, that utterly failed to support the hypothesis that mercury in vaccines is an etiological factor in autism. It is yet another nail in the coffin of the medical myth that mercury in vaccines causes autism.
They have since moved on to toxins. They also think they won a court case proving vaccinations cause autism.
Its the Hannah Poling case. The government awarded compensation to Hannahs family for vaccine injury through the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. It was heralded as their proof. But it was later determined that Hannah suffers from a highly unusual mitochondrial disorder, which rendered her susceptible to neurological injury from high fevers. High fevers can result from vaccinations. So, was it the result of her vaccination? Sort of. It was a combination of genetic factors and a fever brought on by the vaccination. She also probably would have had a high fever at some point in her life. The case has nothing to do with autism.
But they keep on chugging along. Oprahs gift to the world will be death via the daily ramblings of Jenny McCarthy.
McCarthy is certain that her son contracted autism from the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccination he received as a baby. She told Oprah that the morning he went in for his checkup, her instincts told her not to allow the doctor to give him the vaccine. "I said to the doctor, I have a very bad feeling about this shot. This is the autism shot, isn't it? And he said no, that is ridiculous; it is a mother's desperate attempt to blame something on autism. And he swore at me." The nurse gave Evan the shot. "And not soon thereafter," McCarthy said, "boom, soul gone from his eyes."
Yeah, I totally believe a doctor swore at you. By the way, tremendous parenting. If a doctor swears at me, I will always let him do whatever he wants to my kid because hes obviously very professional.
On the Oprah show, McCarthy's charges went virtually unchallenged. Oprah praised McCarthy's bravery and plugged her book, but did not invite a physician or scientist to explain to her audience the many studies that contradict the vaccines-autism link. Instead, Oprah read a brief statement from the Centers for Disease Control saying there was no science to prove a connection and that the government was continuing to study the problem. But McCarthy got the last word. "My science is named Evan, and he's at home. That's my science."
Um, yeah. Thats not science. Do you actually call him Science around the house? Your science is actually being provided to you by scientists. Its the stuff you are ignoring.
A mother wrote in to say that she had decided not to give her child the MMR vaccine because of fears of autism. McCarthy was delighted. "I'm so proud you followed your mommy instinct," she wrote.
Indeed. Check out this baby that died from "Mommy instinct."
Get your kid vaccinated or be prepared to be called a murderer.
Autism's False Prophets: Bad Science, Risky Medicine, and the Search for a Cure
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #105
Summertime is here, which means the Asshole Fuckfacery is turned up a notch. The summer heat is known to bring out the worst in Asshole Fuckfaces because they are better equipped to live under rocks and in damp caves. This week they came out in full force. Sadly, while the rest of you were dunking in pools and shoving cool watermelons into your faces, I was scouring the news looking for the worst of the worst. And I found them. My God, did I find them. So, put on your goulashes because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some summertime racist Asshole Fuckfacery.
(It is recommended you play Will Smith's song "Summertime" while reading this section).
City kids from the Creative Steps Day Camp were looking forward to their weekly swimming trip. The camp paid a private club $1900 to use the pool once a week. Sadly, they didnt know the Valley Swim Club was full of horrible racists until they arrived.
"When the minority children got in the pool all of the Caucasian children immediately exited the pool," Horace Gibson, parent of a day camp child, wrote in an email.
Black swim!
"The pool attendants came and told the black children that they did not allow minorities in the club and needed the children to leave immediately."
We forgot to tell you the Valley Swim Club is in a wormhole. Totally our bad. But, super, nice racists run the club because the next day they returned the Camps money. Yay! Oh, and the president explained his decision.
"There was concern that a lot of kids would change the complexion and the atmosphere of the club," John Duesler, President of The Valley Swim Club said in a statement.
You just made the Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame, Johnny!
Brian Kilmeade is one of the Asshole Fuckfaces who sits on the Fox and Friends couch and blathers. This week, while discussing a new Swedish and Finnish study that showed people who stay married are less likely to suffer from Alzheimer's, Brian sunk to exciting new depths.
Totally. First of all, I married a possum. People in Sweden do not marry outside of their species, so I might have a different result because of my possum situation. Honestly, I barely remember her name.
We also keep marrying other ethnics, which is illegal in Finland. And the Swedes are super pure. Oh, so very pure. We are more like dirt people, fucking in mud and ruining studies.
Anyway, super good point, Morning Hitler.
Next up, some Congressional Asshole Fuckfacery.
Oh, crazy GOP Christians, why so bitter? This week, angry Asshole Fuckface and Iowa Representative Steve King decided to take a stand against the truth.
This week, Congress voted on a resolution that acknowledged the role slaves played in building the US Capitol Building. The resolution called for a plaque to be placed on the building with the following words:
Whereas enslaved African-Americans performed the backbreaking work of quarrying the stone which comprised many of the floors, walls, and columns of the Capitol
Whereas recognition of the contributions of enslaved African-Americans brings to all Americans an understanding of the continuing evolution of our representative democracy; and
Whereas a marker dedicated to the enslaved African-Americans who helped to build the Capitol will reflect the charge of the Capitol Visitor Center to teach visitors about Congress and its development
Stevie no likey! Why? Because them liberals hate the baby Jesus!
"Last night I opposed yet another bill to erect another monument to slavery because it was used as a bargaining chip to allow for the actual depiction of 'In God We Trust' in the CVC. The Architect of the Capitol and liberal activists opposed every reference to America's Christian heritage, even to the extent of scrubbing 'In God We Trust' from the depiction of the actual Speaker's chair in the U.S. House of Representatives.
"This is just the latest example of a several year effort by liberals in Congress to scrub references to America's Christian heritage from our nation's Capitol. Liberals want to amend our country's history to eradicate the role of Christianity in America and chisel references to God or faith from our historical buildings.
Look, uh, how's about yous vote for my Christian bill and I's vote for yous slavery bill? Huh? Capiche?
The final vote? 399-1. Take that, you God hating, slavery hating jerks. King wins!
Finally, poor mothering Asshole Fuckfacery.
Margery Tannenbaum is a social worker on Long Island. She also tries to pimp out 9-year-old neighborhood girls. Not because she wants money, but because her daughter got into an argument with another 9-year-old. That means someones got to be sexually harassed by grown men.
Yes, the Asshole Fuckface took out an ad on Craigslist to get back at the 9-year-old who got into a disagreement with her daughter.
Looking for a good time?-w4m 21″
I need a little affection. I am blonde and very cute! Ill be waiting.
Ha ha. Oh, also, Im NINE. When dudes responded to this exciting offer, Margery emailed back the kids home phone number.
According to Suffolk County authorities, the mother of the girl intercepted calls before her daughter answered. She said she received 22 calls in one day, in all around 40 calls from various men who saw the ad, including some seeking an escort service.
Thatll show you. Nobody is mean to my daughter, or you will have grown men wanting to fuck you.
When asked about the case, Tannenbaum's attorney, Tad Scharfenberg, said, "I think this has been blown out of proportion to what the actual alleged act was."
No, actually, it hasnt. Did I mention the girl was 9?
He described Tannenbaum as "a well-loved woman by both family and friends," and said she was a classroom mom at her daughter's school.
I feel like that should wrap up.
She's never been in any trouble for anything before. She's just really upset by the whole thing. Her biggest concern has always been that this not materially affect the victim or her child. She wants to make sure the way it's being handled doesn't make that worse.
Thanks for caring!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
China Riots: Are Uyghurs The New Tibetans?
I've been to Urumqi and spent some time with the Uyghurs, and have been tracking their fate for years, so here's some information on the China riots that might help you understand a bit more about whats going on there.
Suffice it to say, the Han Chinese are not exactly wild about the idea of multiculturalisum, and what we see happening with the Uyghurs is exactly the same thing their People's Republic has done to the Tibetans. Send large numbers of Han out to your city, appoint them to all of the important positions, so that all of a sudden you are powerless and a minority in your own homeland.
When you hear the Uyghurs referred to as a minority group consider this: the fact is that they were never a minority in their Xhingang homeland (formally known as The Xinjiang-Uyghur Autonomous Region, but now called Eastern Turkistan by those who aspire for an independent Uyghur state). Not until the Chinese government started shipping Han out there, that is. In the ancient silk road city of Kashgar, the second largest Uyghur city after Urumqi, the Chinese Government is bulldozing the old part of the city as we speak, and moving all the Uyghurs out of an area where they have lived for hundreds of years. The Uyghurs have good reasons to be resentful.
The UN and Amnesty International have all documented human rights violations against the Uyghurs, so the Chinese position that they are simply doing the ungrateful Uyghurs a favor by bringing the fruits of modern culture to them is hardly tenable.
According to what I have read from sources in Urumqi, here's what got this all started: Someone in the eastern part of China published a fake story on the web accusing some Uyghur guys of raping a Han woman. A racist lynch mob formed and stormed a toy factory in the east of China where the government had shipped a bunch of Uyghurs to provide extra-cheap labor. Apparently two (some reports say more) Uyghurs were killed and many more were injured. Since it was just some funky Uyghurs who were killed, the authorities apparently dragged their feet in doing anything about it.
Hence the march in Urumqi.
You are probably hearing that somewhere around 150 people have been killed in Urumchi -- but we are somehow not quite hearing the race of those who were killed. All the official footage shows pictures of bloody Han, with the implication that it's Han who make up the 150 people who were killed, and that they were killed by Uyghur rioters.
If this is so....why don't they just come out and say that it was Han who were killed ?
Again, this is only what I have been able to gather from the small amount of info that is trickling out on the web from people on the ground, but apparently the first march (1000-3000 people) was relatively peaceful. Protesters marched through the streets until they arrived at the government offices. They were told to disperse, and when they didn't, police came out and randomly machine-gunned about 150 people. Again, this is just a web rumor, but if it's true, this is where the figure of 150 deaths comes from, and is the key event that we are not being told about. This slaughter (and the following round-up of the usual suspects) is apparently what sparked the violence and trashing of Han property and individuals that followed.
You will also hear the Chinese Government blaming all of this on a woman called Rebiya Kadeer. But the news people have yet to give us much information on her. In truth, she is essentially the Dali Lama of the Uyghur people, and was held in prison by the Chinese for 8 years. During this time (and for some reason the news people rarely mention this either) she was nominated for the Noble Peace Prize four times.
Condoleezza Rice made a visit to China while she was Secretary of State, and the Chinese released Kadeer the day before Condi arrived. Kadeer is currently living in Washington DC where she now heads the Uyghur-American Society. This group has been the primary advocacy group for Uyghurs around the world. You can check their website via this link.
Why are we not stepping in, and why has the US Govt said nothing about abuses against the Uyghurs in the past ? The Uyghurs are Moslems, and after 911, Osama Bin Laden reportedly sent some money to a Uyghur nationalist group in the area. As a result Bush basically told the Chinese that they could do anything they wanted to the Uyghur people and the US would not do or say a thing about it. You may have heard about the 17 Uyghurs in Gitmo, but for years the US Govt has known that they were just a bunch of poor shmuks who were in Afghanistan looking for work and were turned over to our troops by bounty hunters.
Is there a media bias in this story? This might be one way to tell. Uyghur people pronounce the name of their capital Urumqi in three syllables: Ur-ROOM-chee. Han, and Chinese government sources pronounce it in four syllables: Ur-rue-MOO-chee. Listening to how someone pronounces it may give you a hint as to what side of the situation they are approaching the story from.
Violence is a questionable way to resolve any issue, and there is sure to be more from both sides before things settle down. But its clear which side the authorities are on, and interesting to follow the various spins as news from this here-to-fore backwater ethnic becomes more prominent.
Michael Moore: For The Love Of Money
Michael Moore has just confirmed the name of his new movie, Capitalism: A Love Story, which will explore the evils of corporate governance. The Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11 filmmaker released a teaser trailer (see above) for the previously untitled film last month.
Capitalism: A Love Story is set for release on Oct 2nd, which marks the one year anniversary of the Senate vote to approve the $700 billion Wall Street bailout/rape/pillage.
Earlier in the year Moore had appealed for whistleblowers from the financial sector to come forward. It'll be interesting to see who stepped up to the plate.
"It will be the perfect date movie," said Moore in a statement released to the press yesterday. "It's got it all -- lust, passion, romance and 14,000 jobs being eliminated every day. It's a forbidden love, one that dare not speak its name. Heck, let's just say it: It's capitalism."
Soon The Supreme Court Will Destroy America
Theres an ugly, dark cloud on the horizon. Its called Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission and its headed toward the Supreme Court in September. If all goes according to corporate whore and Supreme Court Chief Justice Roberts, America will be forever the slave of corporations. Democracy will be toast.
The most troubling part of the courts action is the brave new world of politics it could usher in. Auto companies that receive multibillion-dollar bailouts could spend vast sums to re-elect the same officials who hand them the money. If Exxon Mobil or Wal-Mart wants something from a member of Congress, it could threaten to spend as much as it takes to defeat him or her in the next election.
You thought our country was for sale now? You havent seen anything yet. This is the kind of shit Roberts and Alito were put on the bench for. The religious right were used by Bush to get right leaning judges on the bench unfortunately, they are not the kind of right leaning judges they were hoping for. These guys are there to do whatever big business wants them to do. Chief Justice Roberts robe should look like a NASCAR driver's suit, covered in sponsors.
In every major case since he became the nation's seventeenth Chief Justice, Roberts has sided with the prosecution over the defendant, the state over the condemned, the executive branch over the legislative, and the corporate defendant over the individual plaintiff.
By the time Roberts retires, he will have done more to destroy the America we know than any other person alive. I wish that were hyperbole. Its not. This weeks decision only proves my point.
Citizens United v. FEC started when the right wing group Citizens United made a 90 minute film about Hillary Clinton in 2008. They wanted to run it on TV stations in swing states. The FEC ruled it was not a documentary and slapped a campaign ad label on it. It then fell under McCain-Feingold spending restrictions and never aired. Citizens United sued.
The big surprise came last week, when Roberts saw an opportunity to turn Americas clock back to the good old days, when Carnegie, Vanderbilt and Rockefeller ran the country. Time for the return of the robber barons. The Roberts court didnt rule on Citizens United v. FEC. Instead, both sides were asked to return in September for a pre-session hearing on the validity of various electoral laws pertaining to the case. Uh oh.
The Supreme Court wants to hear briefs on a case from 20 years ago: Austin v. Michigan Chamber of Commerce. Whats the big deal about Austin v. Michigan Chamber of Commerce? Not much, except that it set restrictions on campaign contributions by corporations, unions and other organizations. Its the last thing holding corporations back from completely destroying democracy.
The court, at the very least, is considering reversing more than 100 years of campaign finance precedent prohibiting corporate spending, said Paul Ryan, associate legal counsel at the Campaign Legal Center. It would be a pretty large step, and remarkable step, for the court to overturn a century of public policy.
Shit was awesome 100 years ago. America was, as you may recall, a fantastic place of equality.
If the Supreme Court does overturn either case, the effects on political campaigns will be dramatic, said Marc Elias, a partner at Perkins Coie who served as general counsel on Sen. John Kerrys (D-Mass.) 2004 presidential campaign and who is heading legal efforts for Democrat Al Franken in the disputed Minnesota Senate contest.
The ban on corporate spending on federal elections is at the center of our current campaign finance system, he said. If that were to change it would radically alter the system that we have.
This is why Roberts and Alito were put on the bench. This is their calling. They showed their hand by clearly going out of their way to ask attorneys in Citizens United vs. FEC to prepare arguments on Austin. Its the definition of judicial activism, something the right was supposed to be so very opposed to.
The courts new order is also deeply troubling procedurally. The question of overruling Austin was so much not a part of the Hillary Clinton film case that the parties now have to brief it submit fully researched arguments to the court for the first time. This is pure judicial overreach.
So, get ready to be fucked. We are about to live in a country where politicians will do whatever corporations want because Chevron or General Electric or Dow Chemical threatened to hand their opponent millions. As if it wasnt already bad enough with lobbying, now its going to be out in the open and there will be nothing we can do to stop it.
It is a nightmare vision.
Another one you can thank George Bush for.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #104
Mmm. Asshole Fuckfacery. You know you love it. You know you want it. Each week I scour the news for the worst of the worst and present them to you for mocking. So, get your hottest pants on and let's get this party started.
First up, some worst Senator alive Asshole Fuckfacry.
Apparently, its not difficult for Joe Lieberman to be the worst Democrat alive. Its just something he excels at. This week, Joe came out against a public health plan. Thats just how he do. Being a Democrat, from a Democratic state, hes decided not to go with the only thing that will bring down health care costs. Hes decided not to go with a public plan that 90% of Democrats want and 70% of Americans want. He against it!
"If we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it."
Wait a minute. Slow the fuck down. This is very difficult and complex stuff and your rushing through it makes it even worse. So, you're saying that if we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it......fuck, I still don't get it. Start over. All I know is that right now we are throwing bags of money at private insurance companies but thats not paying for it. I don't get this "public" shit.
"My fear is...[health care providers] would end up getting levels of reimbursement from the public plan...comparable to what they get today from Medicaid."
Oh noes! We must save the health care providers from losing out on their insane profits! Let's just ignore the fact that the public plan being addressed is comparable remuneration-wise to Medicare - which is better. Blah, blah, blah, facts are dumb.
Remember way back when Asshole Fuckface Lieberman was running for the Senate in 2006? After losing in the Democratic primary? And he decided to run from the left?
July 6, 2006 primary debate:
And what I'm saying to the people of Connecticut, I can do more for you and your families to get something done to make health care affordable, to get universal health insurance, to make America energy independent, to save your jobs and create new ones. That's what the Democratic Party is all about.
Sept. 21, 2006, during the general election campaign.
After spending most of his Senate career advocating piecemeal health care reforms, Joseph I. Lieberman said Wednesday he strongly supports universal health care.
Lieberman devoted a conference call with reporters to an issue that his main rival in the U.S. Senate race, Democratic nominee Ned Lamont, has highlighted in recent days.
"I have long supported the goal of universal health care," Lieberman told reporters. "Ned Lamont can talk about it. I've been doing something about it all the time I've been here."
Liar! And an Asshole Fuckface!
Next up, some logic fail Asshole Fuckfacery.
Obviously, Obama is destroying our country. Hes a communist, hes in love with Iran and he is black. Its very upsetting if you sit back and look at the whole picture. As an American who loves America so much, he would like to blow America while singing God Bless America, I know there is only one way to save our country: Blow it up.
Finally someone is talking some sense up in this bitch. The only way to save America is to destroy it first. Its like Danny Bonaduce. Same deal. No way we see another Oklahoma City bombing during Obama's presidency.
Next up, some global warming denier Asshole Fuckfacery.
Oh, the right wing has a new poster boy. He works for the EPA and he hates him some global warming. Thats why he put together an extensive scientific study to show the world it is not real. Global warming is a hoax!
The author, EPA veteran Al Carlin, is an economist, not a climate scientist.
Whatever. Dudes got EPA credentials. The right wing is in a tizzy because Carlins report is being buried! Buried, I tell you!
It's unclear whether Carlin was supposed to be a member of the working group of staffers whose input on the document was actively solicited. He says he thought he was, since he was included on emails about the document, and invited to meetings on the issue. But the EPA subsequently said he wasn't.
But Carlin was soon told by a colleague coordinating responses to the draft that there were "reservations" about including Carlin's comments in the finding. Soon afterward, NCEE director Al McGartland informed Carlin that his comments would not be included. McFarland then told Carlin via email not to have any further contact with other EPA staff on the issue of climate change, and not to do any more work on the issue.
Don't hate the playa, hate the game! Why does the EPA want to shut down the truth?!?! Ask yourself that question. The EPA is part of the global warming religion and will do anything to hide the truth!
A NASA climatologist has called the report, "a ragbag collection of un-peer reviewed web pages, an unhealthy dose of sunstroke, a dash of astrology and more cherries than you can poke a cocktail stick at."
Um, yeah. Thats what science is. Jesus said that.
Thankfully, we have lawmakers who wont let this horrible injustice go unanswered.
A top Republican senator has ordered an investigation into the Environmental Protection Agency's alleged suppression of a report that questioned the science behind global warming.
Senator Inhofe wont let this stand! Why are you burying a scientific report you never asked for, that was created by an economist? Youve got some answering to do, EPA. Next well hear that youre hiding a report from a janitor on the friendly nature of volcanoes. No matter how much you want this to go away, Obamepa, it aint! The truth must be told! You fuckers opened up a can of corruption!
Now, Rep. Joe Barton is taking the outrage to a new level. This morning on America's Newsroom, the industry-friendly Texas Republican accused the EPA of suppressing the report, and declared that "just as Nixon had Watergate, Obama now has Carbongate to deal with."
Its totally not embarrassing! Go Republicans!
Finally, some San Diego Asshole Fuckfacery.
Well, it was only a matter of time before Democrats started getting pepper sprayed. Who knew it would be beautiful San Diego that would kick it off? Democratic House candidate Francine Busby was holding a fundraiser last Friday night when things took a wrong turn.
The Sheriff's Department received the complaint at 9:33 p.m. from a man who said someone was talking on a loudspeaker and a crowd was cheering, keeping him awake.
Dude. Its Friday. Someone should call the cops on you for being lame.
In reality, the party wasnt loud at all.
Neighbors on three sides of the house said yesterday there wasn't much noise from the party. One man said he slept through it.
Apparently dude had some other issues with the fundraiser.
During Busby's speech, Barman said in a statement yesterday, a man on the property behind her house shouted disparaging remarks about Busby and gay people. Barman lives in the house with her partner, Jane Stratton, 55.
Im guessing the words Dikes and Lesbos were tossed around a bit by Mr. I Cant Sleep Because Gay People Are Next Door. Thankfully, the awesome Deputy Marshall Abbott arrived to calm the situation down. This is a good time to ask if its a good sign when people call 911 to report a cop going apeshit.
When the homeowner questioned why she had to provide her date of birth, the deputy grabbed her arm, put it behind her back, and brought her to the ground. Feeling intimidated by a group of mostly middle-aged women, he pepper-sprayed a number of guests and arrested Barman.
Thats pretty much the usual response to a noise complaint, I guess. Abbot then called in the calvary. Multiple cops arrived, as did a helicopter and a dog unit for a bunch of middle aged women. Hey, I wonder if this has anything to do with them being gay?
Stay classy, San Diego!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Democrats Blowing It On Health Care
Its really quite interesting to watch the Democrats throw it all away. This time, they seem to think blowing the chance at decent health care reform will aid them in future elections. Or perhaps they have taken so much money from the health care industry that they dont give a shit. Either way, it doesnt matter. Fixing health care is the biggest problem facing our country. If we dont do something drastic, it will completely destroy our economy in the years to come. As it is, were in bad shape. Democrats, specifically Senate Democrats, have decided to help the poor insurance industry out as much as possible. Es no bueno.
Most of the debate is over the dreaded public option. Oh, dear no. We cant have a public option. Thats socialized medicine! Americans must be able to choose! And by that I mean they cant choose a public option! They have to be able to choose between private monopolies! This is fucking America! We demand to be fucked over by private companies as much as possible!
And make no mistake about it; those against the public option want to continue with monopolies.
But the notion that most American consumers enjoy anything like a competitive marketplace for health care is flatly false. And a study issued last month by a pro-reform group makes that strikingly clear.
The report, released by Health Care for America Now (HCAN), uses data compiled by the American Medical Association to show that 94 percent of the country's insurance markets are defined as "highly concentrated," according to Justice Department guidelines. Predictably, that's led to skyrocketing costs for patients, and monster profits for the big health insurers. Premiums have gone up over the past six years by more than 87 percent, on average, while profits at ten of the largest publicly traded health insurance companies rose 428 percent from 2000 to 2007.
So, that's what the "free market" kids are fighting for. Monopolies. Yay!
A public option would guarantee the possibility of lower cost, reliable coverage. It will bring cost control by reforming how we pay for medical care. It will create competition between private insurers that simply does not exist today. It will also force private insurers to perform better, something they are not doing today.
To those who say the public option would drive the private companies out of business; I thought everything government did sucked? Is government bad or highly efficient? Please stick to one talking point, no matter the subject. Secondly, the private insurance companies have had their chance and to say they fucked it up would be an understatement. They deserve no protection. I have no interest in keeping pedophiles in business, either. Their time has come and gone. They could have kept costs lower, kept people from dying, insured anyone with preconditions, but they decided to go for the biggest profits possible and now they are on the deserving end of whats coming. They only compete to insure the well and reject the sick. Then they employ adjusters to get the company out of paying for health care services when the well become sick. Welcome to the world of failure. They made their bed, now they have to lie in it.
If any of you loud mouthed, utopian, not living in the real world Libertarians bring up regulation, feel free to explain the exact regulation that makes health care so expensive. If you cant detail these so called regulations, shut your face and stick your broad stroke arguments up your ass. Your simplicity has grown tiresome. This current debate is for adults and what you want will never be, so stay out of it or act like an adult and accept that what you want aint going to happen.
As far as the public plan, Democrats are right now working on a way to water it down until it is completely ineffective. Senator Jay Rockefeller, who is a son of a bitch because of his FISA legislation, has come up with a good public health care plan. His plan would partner a public plan with Medicare for more bargaining power and access to provider networks. According the non-partisan Lewin Group and the Commonwealth Foundation, Rockefellers plan would drop premiums 20 to 30 percent. Cant have that, now can we?
Rockefellers plan would force private insurance companies to be more honest. They would have to cut their bullshit administrative costs and fire quite a few of those adjusters whose job is to find ways to not pay for care. Right now, you have no choice. You can choose between one horrible private insurance company or another. There really isnt much difference. The idea is to force them to become insurers instead of profiteers.
Other Democrats are working on plans that would do almost nothing. Senator Chuck Schumer has a level playing field public plan that wont save much at all. It will just create a plan that will allow private companies to dump old, sick and high-risk patients onto the public plan. This is considered a compromise. It will be awesome because by doing it halfway, they will create exactly what the right wing claims will happen. It will be a terribly ineffective, expensive plan. It would not use low rates that Medicare sets or use taxpayer subsidies. It wouldnt force its way into networks. It would just be like any other insurer, except for the fact that it would be a dumping ground for private insurers to unload their expensive patients. Its one of those genius Democrats compromise and create a pile of shit plans.
Finally, theres Ben Nelsons Trigger Plan. You know its good because Nelson has taken millions and millions of dollars from insurance companies. The Trigger Plan would be like a big, invisible, scary fist looming over the insurance industry. If the private market didnt offer cost control or enough options, the public plan would come into existence - but it would be at the state level. Its a regional Trigger. Some states might have a public plan and others would not. Its basically set up as a way for private companies to game the system. Ben Nelson doesnt seem to realize the trigger should have been pulled 8 years ago. If he wants to set the threshold where costs are now, its a big lose. Go Blue Dogs!
Those are the public plan options. Now which one do you think Democrats in the Senate will choose? Id bet big money on the Level playing field plan because it doesnt actually threaten the private insurance market. It actually helps them in their quest to be the biggest douche bags on Earth.
Prepare for failure.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #103
Welcome to National Asshole Fuckface Day. It happens every Friday, because its the best holiday of all time. To prepare for Asshole Fuckface Friday, I scour the news looking for the worst humans alive. When I find them, I drag them into the light for people to mock and laugh at. I am like Gandhi. This week I discovered an especially heinous group, as usual, so put on your muck boots because this is going to be ugly.
First up, an Asshole Fuckface hall of famer.
Michele Bachmann opened her horrible pie hole again and idiocy rolled out, as expected. Apparently, Michele is super concerned about the census, like any right wing extremist would be. First, she declared she wouldnt be filling out her census, which is an awesome stance to take for a lawmaker.
During an interview this morning on Fox News, Bachmann mostly focused on the danger of her personal information falling into the hands of the dreaded menace ACORN.
Could you imagine what would happen is a group of community organizers, who help the poor, found information on a rich, white lady? Holy shit, it would be like Michael Myers getting a hold of your address. But Michele wasnt done.
"Take this into consideration. If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the Census Bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations at the request of President Roosevelt, and that's how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps. I'm not saying that that's what the Administration is planning to do, but I am saying that private personal information that was given to the Census Bureau in the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up, in a violation of their constitutional rights, and put the Japanese in internment camps."
Totally. Also, youre a rich, white Christian. It's very respectable for a lawmaker to encourage Americans to break the law.
Next up, some potato chip Asshole Fuckfacery.
Its not often people on both ends of a situation are equal Asshole Fuckfaces, but thats what happened this week in Oklahoma. If you are not familiar with Oklahoma, it is like Americas dead appendage.
This week we learned that a man in Oklahoma was having problems with his marriage, so he decided to go to a prostitute. Okay, whatever. Happens all the time. No big deal. But he didnt have any money. He did, however, work for Frito Lay.
Smith told police the man told her he was looking for company but he didnt have any money, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in the back of his car.
Yep. He was lucky enough to bump into prostitute Lahoma Sue Smith, who apparently has lowered the value of her vagina to a box of thin, fried potato pieces. Just think what she would do for a box of Skittles.
Next up, some drone Asshole Fuckfacery.
Last week, US drones attacked a Taliban training center in Pakistan where bad guys were supposed to be. Terrorists, stuff like that. People who want to kill people. So, we took them out. In all, 13 died. Thats a good day for drones, right?
A couple of days later, there was a large funeral for the 13 people who died. Thankfully, our drones were there to stop the mourning.
Missiles fired from a U.S. drone at militants after a funeral for a Taliban commander in South Waziristan near the Afghan border killed about 70 insurgents on Tuesday, Pakistani intelligence officials said.
Thatll show you, terrorists. The only way to kill terrorists it to kill everyone around them and kids and stuff.
The chief of the Pakistani Taliban, Baitullah Mahsud, and close associates attended the funeral of a militant commander in the country's tribal areas but left before a suspected U.S. drone attack that killed dozens of people, residents said Wednesday.
Win!
Finally, some Democratic Asshole Fuckfacery.
You can always count on the Democrats to completely fuck shit up. This time they are doing what they can to undermine Obama and blow this opportunity for universal health insurance. Why? Why would the do such a thing when 72% of Americans support Obamas plan? Because they are Democrats. Oh, and they are whores.
The kids over at FiveThirtyEight broke down the numbers and it turns out Democratic Senators positions on health care are greatly effected when they get money from health insurers. Who would have thought?
Lobbying contributions appear to have the largest marginal impact on middle-of-the-road Democrats.
The impact on mainline Democrats appears to be quite large: if a mainline Democrat has received $60,000 from insurance PACs over the past six years, his likelihood of supporting the public option is cut roughly in half from 80 percent to 40 percent.
Sweet. Because when your base wants you to create a public option and your president wants you to create a public option, you should always do what the guys who give you cash want.
Ranking next on the list is Harry Reid, who has taken some $78,800 from insurance industry PACs and who has also yet to articulate a position on the public option in spite of his status as Majority Leader.
Its called leading, people. Reid is a leader.
But the worst of all is Max Baucus. Max is the Senator in charge of the committee coming up with the plan. Hes also the guy in the Senate who has taken the most money from insurers.
As Sen. Max Baucus has taken the lead on health-reform legislation in the U.S. Senate, he's also become a leader in something else: Campaign money received from health-and insurance-industry interests.
In the past six years, nearly one-fourth of every dime raised by Baucus, D-Mont., and his political-action committee has come from groups and individuals associated with drug companies, insurers, hospitals, medical-supply firms, health-service companies and other health professionals.
These donations total about $3.4 million, or $1,500 a day, every day, from January 2003 through 2008.
And its paying off. Max gave the Senate Finance Committee's draft bill to the Congressional Budget Office so they could crunch the numbers on how much it would cost. The CBO came up with a huge number.
The price tag came in at $1.6 trillion over ten years.
Wow. But thats what happens when you give the CBO your draft when IT DOESNT INCLUDE THE PUBIC OPTION. He gave them the bill without the part that reduces cost. Quite simply, this was Max Baucus attempt to turn the public against the health care bill. Hes a Democrat. Hes in charge of the committee working on health care reform and he just tried to kill health care reform because hes a whore.
Go Democrats!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
You Cant Really Be This Stupid
Most of the time I get the Republican mindset. More often than not, it is just team vs. team. Their astounding hypocrisy knows no bounds. When in control, they say one thing, but when not in control, they immediately flock to the position they formerly criticized. Its actually quite amusing. As far as big business goes, theyll bend over anyway they can and have quite a few Americans convinced screwing themselves over is the way to go. Their economic policies have destroyed our country and I find it hard to believe they still stand behind their ideas, but they serve their corporate masters, so I get it. Yet once again, they have come with an attack that is so shockingly stupid it is beyond my comprehension. Their attacks on Obama over his decision to not strongly criticize the Iranian government are astoundingly stupid. Youve got to wonder if they actually believe taking such a ridiculously stupid stance is real, or if they will just say the opposite of whatever Obama believes.
"The reaction of the Iranian people shows their discontent with this regime," McCain said during an interview on Fox News' "Fox & Friends."
"It's really a sham that they've pulled off and I hope that we will act," he said. "I think they should be condemned, and it's obvious that this was a rigged election and depriving the people of their democratic rights. We are for human rights all over the world."
Well, first of all, we are not for human rights all over the world. Thats the dumbest argument ever made. We just aren't. We never have been and we never will be. Were about money and thats all we are for all over the world. To believe otherwise is to deny history and reality.
But let me back up for a moment and just focus on Iran. If there is one country in the world that we owe the favor of staying out of their business to, it is Iran; America has already ruined Iran. The reason Iran is a theocracy is because of the United States of America. Its called fucking yourself in the ass. It is one our greatest failures. We did more than meddle in Iran; in 1953 we helped to overthrow its democratically elected government, installed the brutal Shah and sent Iran on the path to dictatorship. It eventually led to the Islamic Revolution. Thats called Blowback. In the 1980s we supported our friend Saddam Hussein in his war with Iran, which cost hundreds of thousands of Iranian lives. We even shot down an Iranian passenger jet in the 80s. Can you imagine if Iran had shot down one of ours?
Now, after years of belligerently stupid foreign policy, Obama has taken a different tact. Its actually smart, which Im sure confuses the Iranian leaders. They had become accustomed to the ignorant and simplistic responses of George Bush. Obama has chosen to take the soft diplomacy route and its already paying off. During his Cairo speech, he addressed Iran.
There is a tumultuous history between us. In the middle of the Cold War, the United States played a role in the overthrow of a democratically elected Iranian government. Since the Islamic Revolution, Iran has played a role in acts of hostage taking and violence against U.S. troops and civilians.
Its hard to call someone the Great Satan when Satan is admitting mistakes. I know thats difficult for the idiots in the GOP to understand, but thats how it works. By not responding in kind, Obama has shown the belligerence of Iranian leaders to Iranians. They have been on the path to democracy for a long time. Its a very slow one and should be. Iranians were already upset that their presidents language has caused economic isolation. It is causing massive unemployment and now that the US president is not responding like a mirror belligerent idiot, the focus is on one man as the problem: Ahmadinejad,
But the Republicans want us to keep swinging the big, dumb stick because it's worked out so well over the past 8 years.
Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, said a slow or muted U.S. response risks undermining the aspirations of Iranian voters to change or question their government.
"If America stands for democracy and all of these demonstrations are going on in Tehran and other cities over there, and people don't think that we really care, then obviously they're going to question, 'do we really believe in our principles?'" Grassley said.
No, actually, they question if we believe in our principles because we support brutal regimes like Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Pakistan. Theyre not idiots who believe in words over action. Those are your minions you are thinking of.
"The president of the United States is supposed to lead the free world, not follow it," said Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C. "He's been timid and passive more than I would like."
First, I dont think in the closet gay guys should be talking about leading anything, not that being gay has anything to do with Senator Graham. Second, I cannot believe anyone would be so dumb as to not understand that if we take a side, then the Iranian government can call the protesters tools of the United States. Seriously, how can you be that stupid? I honestly cant understand it.
Also, the idea that Obama making a harsh statement would have an uplifting affect on the Iranian protesters is shockingly arrogant. Get over yourselves. How is this supposed to work?
Protestor: Today I take to the streets for my vote! I am willing to die for this cause. Justice must be served!
Obama: The Iranian leaders are super bad. Ive got your back with words but not action!
Protestor: Oh, man, I was only kind of into this stuff, but now Im really, really into it! I will now overthrow my government because some dude living in another country said he likes me.
That pretty much seems to be what people like McCain and Graham actually think is going to happen. One atta boy from the president and the game is changed. America likes you! Now you can have an awesome revolution! Its so moronic I can barely wrap my head around it.
In reality, the statement McCain and company want would do serious harm to those Iranians taking on their government. Once they are labeled as associated with the United States, they will be murdered. As of now, the security forces are actually showing restraint. But Republicans seem to think having a segment of the Iranian population aligned with The Great Satan is wise. Amazing. And Im giving them the benefit of the doubt. Im believing them to be sincere. If they are not and this is just another political game and they are criticizing Obama because they want to take the opposing view due to party politics then they are more disgusting than I could ever imagine because lives are on the line. That is inexcusable.
The sad thing is the protesters arent even asking for western type democracy. Most Iranians want a religious government of some sort. What they are in the streets fighting for is the small bit of self rule they were allowed. As one man in the street said, Theyve taken away the sham of electing someone. Republicans, and many other Americans, are putting their own spin on it. At best, they want to believe a democracy will emerge from this mess, but thats not part of the equation yet. This is just a small step in that direction and its going very well. (At worst, do they even care about democracy? It's not like Republican's were actually that keen on counting votes or even allowing all eligible Americans to cast them in recent elections.)
The Iranian government will never be the same. Ever. For us, thats a pretty good deal. So, lets stay out of this one. We have two reasons for doing so. First, our involvement would backfire on those people we want to succeed. Second, we owe them. We own the Iranian people for every horrible thing we have done. We owe them for subjecting them to 26 years of a brutal dictator followed by 30 years of an oppressive religious government. We did that and its time to take the moral high ground.
If we dont you can pretty much guarantee the opposite of what we want
will occur.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #102
Holy shit there were a lot of Asshole Fuckfaces this week. I almost couldnt fit all the nominees into my man purse. But, I did. Then I whittled them down to a manageable number and sorted them by color. After that, I lathered them in butter and dried them in the sun. Once dry, I threw them on the roof and the first four that slid back down became this weeks picks. Its called science and it works very well, so put on your favorite leather lab coat because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some border protecting Asshole Fuckfacery.
This one is epic Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame material.
Meet Shawna Forde. Shes from Washington State, used to be the executive director of Minutemen American Defense and was named Bush's "operations director" for the Minutemens actions along the border. She even hosted an anti-immigrant Summit which was attended by Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson. Obviously, being a leader of the Minuteman, Shawna is a complete lunatic.
In a May 20 "border report" posted on the Web site of her Minutemen American Defense group, Forde warned readers that soon "you will walk out your door and think you were just transplanted into Mexico."
But thats just talk. Now we have proof of her lunacy because she entered the home of some brown people and killed them.
Pima County, Ariz., detectives on Friday described Forde leading a plot to finance her Minutemen activities by robbing suspected drug traffickers. She and two others are charged with a fatal May 30 home invasion at a suspected drug trafficker's home in Arivaca, Ariz.
Raul Flores, 29, and his daughter, Brisenia, 9, were killed when a group of armed people, including a woman, forced their way into the home. The child's mother traded gunfire with the attackers. She survived but remains hospitalized with gunshot wounds.
Thanks for protecting us from that 9-year-old girl, Shawna.
The Arivaca robbery was meant to raise money to fuel Forde's group, investigators said.
Right. If you cant raise money to protect America from donations, go rob and kill a drug dealer and his child.
The killers walked up cold-bloodedly to her daughter, 9-year-old Brisenia Flores, as she cowered and cried, and shot her two or three times anyway.
Well, she was Mexican or the daughter of a bad person or something, so she deserved to die. Please put Shawna and her Asshole Fuckface friend in prison with the Mexican Mafia. Thanks.
Next up, some GOP racist Asshole Fuckfacery.
Its pretty difficult to go an entire week without stumbling across some delightful Republican racism. See, back in the old days they sent hilarious racist emails to each other and laughed and laughed and laughed. But now they have a huge problem: The president is black. So, when they try to take their fantastic racist jokes and apply them to the president, it brings them a whole bunch of attention. Bummer.
First up, South Carolina GOP official Sherri Goforth posted a hilarious picture up on Facebook. Its of all the presidents. The last one is a bit weird, though.
Ha ha ha! Hes black! I get it! You can only see black peoples eyes. Because theyre black! Get it! Weeeeee.
When I asked her if she understood the controversial nature of the photo, Goforth would only say she felt very bad about accidentally sending it to the wrong list. When I gave her a second chance to address the controversial nature of the email, she again repeated that she only felt bad about sending it to the wrong list of people.
Fucking wrong list. Clearly that was the problem.
Second is South Carolina GOP operative Mike Green. (Good week, South Carolina!) Mike has discovered Twittering, which means he can spread his hilarious racist jokes further.
Ah ha ha ha ha. Get it? Obama is black, so hes against everything white and good. I love it! But, Mike realized he had made an error.
Totally. Your error being you made your racist comment in public, believing everyone thinks the way you do because all your friends are racist.
Next up, some presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.
Barack Obama took a deep dive into Lake Asshole Fuckface this week with some heinous bullshit. First, Barack and his hoard attacked gay Americans in a way religious zealots would be proud of.
The Obama administration, which came to office promising to protect gay rights but so far has not done much, actually struck a blow for the other side last week. It submitted a disturbing brief in support of the Defense of Marriage Act, which is the law that protects the right of states to not recognize same-sex marriages and denies same-sex married couples federal benefits.
Sweet. Nothing like shitting on people who supported you.
In arguing that other states do not have to recognize same-sex marriages under the Constitutions full faith and credit clause, the Justice Department cites decades-old cases ruling that states do not have to recognize marriages between cousins or an uncle and a niece.
Oh, good, you compared gay marriage to incest. Nice work, Obama peeps. Im going to go out on a limb and say it was probably not a good idea to have a Mormon, who was hired by Bush, to write the brief, especially considering it was not even necessary. But, hey, its working out well, because the gay community is furious and bailing in droves. (Pssst, you're supposed to be on their side)
Good work, all around.
Next up, more presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.
Obama is having one hell of a week. First his crew spit in the face of gays and then he went and pulled a big, fat Bush.
The Obama administration is fighting to block access to names of visitors to the White House, taking up the Bush administration argument that a president doesn't have to reveal who comes calling to influence policy decisions.
Now, that is the transparency we were looking for.
Despite President Barack Obama's pledge to introduce a new era of transparency to Washington, and despite two rulings by a federal judge that the records are public, the Secret Service has denied msnbc.com's request for the names of all White House visitors from Jan. 20 to the present.
Yes, lets ignore the TWO RULINGS by the courts and go on about our merry way because we didnt have enough presidents ignoring the law over the past eight years. But, hey, he did warn us he was into this kind of stuff.
When big oil companies are invited into the White House for secret energy meetings, its no wonder they end up with billions in tax breaks.
That is why on my very first day as President, I will launch the most sweeping ethics reform in history to make the White House the people's house and send the Washington lobbyists back to K Street.
This change will not be easy. It will require reforming our politics by taking power away from the lobbyists who kill good ideas and good plans with secret meetings and campaign checks.
Whatever it takes to win, eh, liar?
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Fighting The Good Fight
It turns out that Americans and Iranians are not so different after all. The current protests in Iran show a yearning for democracy and a desire for self-determination. After what appears to have been a blatantly stolen election in Iran, supporters of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi have taken to the streets, defying a protest ban. Protesters are being beaten and shot at, but they remain because they believe a great injustice has occurred.
Iran's hardline Islamic Basij militiamen killed at least one person on Monday and wounded more when their building was attacked by demonstrators protesting an election they say was stolen by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
We here in America get it. We fully support your struggle, Iranians.
Los Angeles police declared an unlawful assembly after some crowds celebrating the Los Angeles Lakers' championship win got out of control at Staples Center, partying in the streets and even walking onto the 110 Freeway.
There is a time when one has to take a stand and fight. It's how we birthed our great nation and it's something we value and use when necessary.
Celebratory crowds swelled into the thousands, tearing up landscaping, shouting at passers-by, blocking traffic, trying to turn over cars and starting fires before police began cracking down, issuing tickets, confiscating liquor and separating large groups.
There comes a time when enough is enough and men must stand up against tyranny. Like the man who stood in front of that tank in Tiananmen Square in 1989, this is your time. Did that man and his fellow protesters succeed? Not in the short term, but they laid the groundwork for a future revolution. They showed how powerful a mob can be, just as the Iranians in the streets of Tehran are today and Americans on the streets of Los Angeles did on Sunday night.
Twelve government vehicles, including six MTA buses, were damaged, and one traffic light was knocked down, said LAPD Officer Norma Eisenman. Metro Blue Line trains were delayed because of debris on the tracks, and a gas station, a pharmacy and a shoe store were looted, she said.
The parallel desires for justice are amazing..
People were holding signs saying: We are not sheep.
Hundreds of thousands of people are demonstrating from Engelab to Azadi. The number of people is constantly increasing as more people join to protest against the coup d'état.
I have the video camera, and its a flood of people running into the store and grabbing what they could, he said today as he stood among the remnants of his inventory. Whats really awful is they took the stuff and they started burning it. Its just disappointing.
Justice. Now. Every movement has a leader. Iran has the eloquent Mousavi.
And Mr Mousavi eventually appeared, addressing the crowd from the roof of his car.
"The vote of the people is more important than Mousavi or any other person," he told his supporters.
America has the bold Kobe Bryant.
Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she sincerely feels that she did not consent to this encounter.
We stand together.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Asshole Fuckface Roundup #101
There are some very horrible people in the world. Luckily for us, they tend to shoot their mouths off or pick up severed feet off the road to train their dogs. That means they draw attention to themselves, which means I have something to write about on Thursday. Oh, sweet Jesus did they do a job this week. Serious Asshole Fuckfacery about to commence. Put on your favorite plastic burka because this is going to be ugly.
First up, some conservative Asshole Fuckfacery.
Conservatives have finally come to the conclusion that we have to kill all things American that do not adhere to their belief system. This week, they began to call for a boycott of General Motors, because the Treasury Department is going to own 60% of company stock after the company emerges from bankruptcy. Obviously, that means the company should be destroyed and all the workers that go along with it. Because loving America means ruining American lives for ideology.
Hugh Hewitt explains.
In the two days since the nationalization of GM was announced, the callers and e-mailers to my program have been 10 to 1 against the Obamaization of the American car business, contended a June 3rd posting, by Hewitt, who added that, This is a decision that must be reversed. GM must be denationalized.
Yes. The company should remain private and just die. That would be more American.
A fat, deaf, drug addict, three-time divorced, multi-millionaire, voice of the common man also chimed in.
"Of course, the government-controlled media is not gonna report anything like this but there are a lot of people who are not going to buy from Chrysler or General Motors as long as it is perceived Barack Obama is running it, because people do not want his policy to work here because this is antithetical to the American economic way of life."
Indeed. Why, I remember just last year when Limbaugh and company called for boycotts against Bear Sterns, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, AIG and Citibank. Oh, wait, those companies dont have unions, so they said nothing about boycotting them.
A conservative boycott would be, sadly, consistent with their current economic ideas. Basically, they would be boycotting something they own, hoping to drive it out of business, so companies they dont own would flourish. This way, their money would go overseas and they would lose about $50 billion in taxpayer money. Its quite an intelligent stance to take.
Kudos, conservative idiots, you have hit a new low.
Oh, wait, I spoke too soon. Turns out Republican Asshole Fuckfacery knows no bounds in its attempts to undermine America.
During these shaky economic times, our government is doing all it can to stabilize the situation. While the Obama administration may not always make the right move, its probably best not to undermine the president, you know, because we are all Americans and fucking him actually FUCKS US.
Illinois GOP Congressman Mark Kirk recently explained to our friends in China that the Obama administration is lying to them.
Kirk's assessment differed with that of Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, who said last week on a separate visit that Chinese leaders had expressed "justifiable confidence" on the future of the recession-hit US economy.
Uh, oh. Hey. Dont
.
He said he told the Chinese that the budget deficit could be even bigger than predicted, due in part to the rising costs to the US economy of health care.
"One of the messages I had -- because we need to build trust and confidence in our number one creditor -- is that the budget numbers that the US government has put forward should not be believed," Kirk said.
"Congress is actually going to spend quite a bit more," he said.
Oh, good. You went ahead and did it. You went right ahead an told the the Chinese that the US government was lying to them because we need to build trust and confidence in our number one creditor. Obviously, the best way to build trust is to tell them they are being lied to. You are American to the core, guy stepping in where he doesnt belong.
Next up, some Special Olympics Asshole Fuckfacery.
Its hard trying to drive around town when there is a Special Olympics run in progress. Its especially hard when you are an Asshole Fuckface named David Schwartz of Santa Clarita, California.
As the runners neared the intersection of McBean Parkway and Arroyo Park Drive, Schwartz yelled for the participants to get out of the road while using a derogatory term referencing sexual orientation.
So, he called kids running in the Special Olympics faggots. Thats not really special. But he wasnt done yet. Schwartz then threw a bolt at the kids.
Schwartz narrowly missed two children and deputies who witnessed the event used their radios to notify other units.
Oh, shit. You didnt notice the Sheriffs deputies running alongside? Bummer. That's a shame. I would have preferred the hero who called kids with handicaps "faggots" and threw metal objects at them got away with it.
He was taken into custody and booked on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and committing a hate crime.
He needs a dickectomy.
Next up, some pimp ]Asshole Fuckfacery.
Pimping a teenage girl out can be kind of a bitch. Sometimes they want something for all the strangers they are fucking for money. It can be quite a problem. Thankfully, an Australian pimp devised the perfect payment plan.
Gander and his girlfriend used the money for living expenses and paid the girl nothing except for the occasional box of chicken nuggets.
Hey, its sort of meat. And she was sixteen. My understanding is teenagers love McDonalds. She's loving it!
Gander pleaded guilty on Monday to one count each of procuring prostitution with a circumstance of aggravation and knowingly participating in the provision of prostitution with a circumstance of aggravation.
Enjoy the prison food! And, please, someone turn his anus into a McNugget.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
Liz Cheney: Glorious Leader Daughter
Our media is pretty much a sad, dried up piece of dung. They sat idly by as the Bush Administration lied about intelligence and took us to war. Actually, they kind of gave Bush a wrap-around the while it was going on. They decided not to tell us about the Bush torture program for one whole year after it was uncovered. Their coverage of the current economic crisis has been woeful, to say the least. Those are just the big examples. The media is a shell of its former self and has basically become a national embarrassment. Nothing exemplifies how lame our media has become more than Liz Cheney.
Liz Cheney is the daughter of Dick Cheney. You may have possibly seen her spewing nonsense from her hate hole over the past couple of weeks because she has been invited on news program after news program to espouse torture and criticize President Obama. She is qualified, after all, because she was raised by a monster. And worst of all, shes usually allowed to be the only guest, so her lying goes unchallenged, because our journalists are cowards and lack knowledge. Being the lone guest is considered a privilege and is reserved only for high officials and newsmakers, which she is not. She is someones daughter. The daughter of a man no one will defend. So, naturally, our media allows her to step up and defend dear old dad.
The media does not hold her feet over the fire and go after her father for his obvious war crimes. Instead, they allow her to go on the offensive against Obama and all things Democratic. The Cheney family plan is to attack as a defense. Our medias complicity in this act is no different that their horrifying coverage leading up to the war. A wrong was committed, justice needs to be served and they are allowing the war criminals daughter to attack the president on our airwaves. A new low? Its pretty pathetic.
The exciting thing about a democracy is that if our government wont take the appropriate action, our media is supposed to step up and do their job. That then informs the masses and pressure is put upon the government and problems, like war criminals running about, are resolved. In this case, the war criminals daughter is the one running the narrative. How awesome is that?
Stick around, Pol Pots daughter chimes in after the break!
Theres nothing quite like the daughter of a war criminal accusing the current president of hand-holding terrorists and then watching as the journalist does not tear her a new asshole. Kudos. Id like to note here that during Obamas speech he backed up the use of troops in Afghanistan because terrorists are determined to kill as many Americans as they possibly can, and re-committed to destroying terror networks. He just didnt throw down support for anally raping boys. Dear "Journalist" here's a possible follow up question:
- Liz, you claim Obama is hand-holding terrorists, but while your father was in office, women and children were raped by interrogators. Are you saying Obama should continue with the rape?
Imagine. The. Answer.
And its not like this is an isolate incident. The woman has been all over the media. Just check out what shes been up to since May 12th.
On the June 4 edition of CNN's The Situation Room
On the June 4 edition of Fox News' Your World
On the June 4 edition of MSNBC Live (1 p.m. hour)
On the June 4 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe (7 a.m. hour)
On the June 2 edition of Fox News' On the Record
On the June 1 edition of Fox News' On the Record
On the June 1 edition of CNN's Campbell Brown: No Bias, No Bull
On the May 28 edition of MSNBC Live (2 p.m. hour)
On the May 27 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends
On the May 26 edition of Fox News' The Live Desk
On the May 22 edition of ABC's Good Morning America
On the May 22 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe
On the May 22 edition of CNN's American Morning
On the May 21 edition of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360
On the May 21 edition of Fox News' Hannity
On the May 21 edition of MSNBC Live
On the May 20 edition of Fox News' Your World
On the May 17 edition of ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos
On the May 16 edition of Fox News' Fox & Friends Saturday
On the May 15 edition of Fox News' On the Record
On the May 12 edition of Fox News' The Live Desk
On the May 12 edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe
Embarrassing. There is no excuse for having the daughter of Dick Cheney on television. None. Shes worthless and a liar.
Oh, wait. Turns out there is an awesome reason.
MSNBC spokesperson Alana Russo emailed:
We often have repeat guests on, from both sides of the aisle, when they are interesting and engaging. There are many people who appear frequently throughout the day on MSNBC, and Liz is a great guest.
Shes a great guest. Its awesome when a guest can come on and lie about her daddy's involvement in the most important issues facing our country.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper. You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
