Where Is The Birth Certificate!?! Why Am I Stupid!?!

Sometimes American’s stupidity really amazes me. When we jump into Lake Idiot, we go really deep and get really wet. The most glaring example today is the Birther movement. Birthers believe President Obama was not born in this country and, therefore, should not be president. They believe he has a counterfeit birth certificate and he is going to kill us all. Or something like that. Obviously, the fact that he is black has nothing to do with it.

These people also went nuts while Bill Clinton was president when they called him a rapist and a murderer and every other horrible label they could come up with. Now, it’s Obama’s time. But, holy shit, could you latch onto a dumber conspiracy theory? They are very, very serious about it and are now making life difficult for the Republican representatives because nothing is being done about this terrible miscarriage of justice. Just check out how poor Representative Mike Castle (R-Del.) fared at a recent town hall meeting a couple of weeks ago.



They just stood up and recited the pledge of allegiance. It’s astounding how ridiculous they are. You could not even parody them, as they have hit the limits of mocking. They are living, breathing satire.

But it’s not like all Republicans are shying away from the dumbest movement ever. Some are jumping right on board.

Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.), who has introduced a bill that would require future presidential candidates to provide proof of U.S. citizenship, has collected four more co-sponsors — Reps. John R. Carter, John Culberson and Randy Neugebauer, all Republicans from Texas, and Rep. John Campbell (R-Calif.). Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) became the first co-sponsor last month.

Nice work. You guys don't at all seem crazy. But how can they not be? Rush Limbaugh has taken up the cause and is now making comments on his daily tard fest.



And now Lou Dobbs has taken up the cause of the biggest idiots in America.



Mind-boggling. And even more so because Obama is not a Mexican. I guess Lou is branching out. This kind of coverage is not helping the situation. It makes the Birthers think they are winning - but make no mistake about it, they are not winning - except in the clowns of the year competition.

The Birthers have been trying to prove Obama is not an American citizen in court ever since Obama declared his candidacy. And each and every time, the courts slap them down on the grounds that they are cartoonishly insane. Birthers put the full court press on electors last year, in a final attempt to stop the Muslim spy from becoming president. Sadly, they failed.

This shockingly stupid movement began during the primaries, when rumors circulated on blogs and low rated right wing radio that Obama’s middle name was Muhammad (Because Hussein wasn’t scary enough). That naturally transitioned into questioning his birth certificate and we were off and running. Facts are totally unnecessary and will be dismissed no matter what.

The Obama campaign actually released a copy of his birth certificate but it was deemed a fake by experts who sit in their homes tapping away on their keyboards. The Birthers said the certificate didn’t have a raised seal or a signature, even though it has a raised seal and a signature. Easy mistake to make. Although, they were inspecting a digital version online and I don't know if you know this but NOTHING has a raised seal online. Weird and kind of spooky, isn't it? The certificate “claimed” that Obama was born in Honolulu at 7:24 p.m. on Aug. 4, 1961.

And there was a birth announcement in the local paper, which was obviously a lie put there by God to try to test people’s faith, just like he did with dinosaur bones. The Birthers believe the Obama family could have phoned the announcement in from Kenya – where he was really born! See, the family obviously knew that they would eventually move to Hawaii and raise this young black child named Barack Hussein Obama to be president. That's why they grabbed a easy to reach phone in their hut in Kenya and called Hawaii. It was the perfect plan! And totally not true!

The Associated Press quoted Chiyome Fukino as saying that both she and the registrar of vital statistics, Alvin Onaka, have personally verified that the health department holds Obama's original birth certificate.

Fukino said she has “personally seen and verified that the Hawaii State Department of Health has Sen. Obama’s original birth certificate on record in accordance with state policies and procedures."

Liar! You have so much to gain by hiding the truth! And Obama would have Arab terrorists kill you!

Of course, now that Pat Boone has taken up the cause, it’s become serious business. When Pat’s in the game, you’ve got to watch your ass, hence the term, “You’ve been Booned.”

One thing for sure: This is not going away. More and more people are determined to get the truth, and will press to get it. Why should the president and his team stonewall this legitimate and proper request. Is there indeed something devastating to keep hidden?

Hey, I have a great idea. Mr. President, show us your birth certificate.

Not until you show proof of talent.

The reason I decided to write this article is because I saw one of their billboards on the I-5 last weekend.

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They are throwing this nonsense up all over the country. The sad thing is this is the kind of shit that led to the creation of militias and all the right wing hate groups when Clinton was in office. All it takes is one lunatic, who is driven insane by the fact that our president is illegitimate, to do some serious damage. The right wing fringe is seriously going over the edge and we need to keep an eye on them.

But at the same time, we should be laughing at them every chance we get. Because they are completely insane.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

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