• commentary
  • TUESDAY JULY 21 2009 9:30 AM

Where Is The Birth Certificate!?! Why Am I Stupid!?!

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Obama, Birth Certificate

Sometimes American’s stupidity really amazes me. When we jump into Lake Idiot, we go really deep and get really wet. The most glaring example today is the Birther movement. Birthers believe President Obama was not born in this country and, therefore, should not be president. They believe he has a counterfeit birth certificate and he is going to kill us all. Or something like that. Obviously, the fact that he is black has nothing to do with it.

These people also went nuts while Bill Clinton was president when they called him a rapist and a murderer and every other horrible label they could come up with. Now, it’s Obama’s time. But, holy shit, could you latch onto a dumber conspiracy theory? They are very, very serious about it and are now making life difficult for the Republican representatives because nothing is being done about this terrible miscarriage of justice. Just check out how poor Representative Mike Castle (R-Del.) fared at a recent town hall meeting a couple of weeks ago.



They just stood up and recited the pledge of allegiance. It’s astounding how ridiculous they are. You could not even parody them, as they have hit the limits of mocking. They are living, breathing satire.

But it’s not like all Republicans are shying away from the dumbest movement ever. Some are jumping right on board.

Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.), who has introduced a bill that would require future presidential candidates to provide proof of U.S. citizenship, has collected four more co-sponsors — Reps. John R. Carter, John Culberson and Randy Neugebauer, all Republicans from Texas, and Rep. John Campbell (R-Calif.). Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Va.) became the first co-sponsor last month.



Nice work. You guys don't at all seem crazy. But how can they not be? Rush Limbaugh has taken up the cause and is now making comments on his daily tard fest.



And now Lou Dobbs has taken up the cause of the biggest idiots in America.



Mind-boggling. And even more so because Obama is not a Mexican. I guess Lou is branching out. This kind of coverage is not helping the situation. It makes the Birthers think they are winning - but make no mistake about it, they are not winning - except in the clowns of the year competition.

The Birthers have been trying to prove Obama is not an American citizen in court ever since Obama declared his candidacy. And each and every time, the courts slap them down on the grounds that they are cartoonishly insane. Birthers put the full court press on electors last year, in a final attempt to stop the Muslim spy from becoming president. Sadly, they failed.

This shockingly stupid movement began during the primaries, when rumors circulated on blogs and low rated right wing radio that Obama’s middle name was Muhammad (Because Hussein wasn’t scary enough). That naturally transitioned into questioning his birth certificate and we were off and running. Facts are totally unnecessary and will be dismissed no matter what.

The Obama campaign actually released a copy of his birth certificate but it was deemed a fake by experts who sit in their homes tapping away on their keyboards. The Birthers said the certificate didn’t have a raised seal or a signature, even though it has a raised seal and a signature. Easy mistake to make. Although, they were inspecting a digital version online and I don't know if you know this but NOTHING has a raised seal online. Weird and kind of spooky, isn't it? The certificate “claimed” that Obama was born in Honolulu at 7:24 p.m. on Aug. 4, 1961.

And there was a birth announcement in the local paper, which was obviously a lie put there by God to try to test people’s faith, just like he did with dinosaur bones. The Birthers believe the Obama family could have phoned the announcement in from Kenya – where he was really born! See, the family obviously knew that they would eventually move to Hawaii and raise this young black child named Barack Hussein Obama to be president. That's why they grabbed a easy to reach phone in their hut in Kenya and called Hawaii. It was the perfect plan! And totally not true!

The Associated Press quoted Chiyome Fukino as saying that both she and the registrar of vital statistics, Alvin Onaka, have personally verified that the health department holds Obama's original birth certificate.

Fukino said she has “personally seen and verified that the Hawaii State Department of Health has Sen. Obama’s original birth certificate on record in accordance with state policies and procedures."



Liar! You have so much to gain by hiding the truth! And Obama would have Arab terrorists kill you!

Of course, now that Pat Boone has taken up the cause, it’s become serious business. When Pat’s in the game, you’ve got to watch your ass, hence the term, “You’ve been Booned.”

One thing for sure: This is not going away. More and more people are determined to get the truth, and will press to get it. Why should the president and his team stonewall this legitimate and proper request. Is there indeed something devastating to keep hidden?

Hey, I have a great idea. Mr. President, show us your birth certificate.



Not until you show proof of talent.

The reason I decided to write this article is because I saw one of their billboards on the I-5 last weekend.



They are throwing this nonsense up all over the country. The sad thing is this is the kind of shit that led to the creation of militias and all the right wing hate groups when Clinton was in office. All it takes is one lunatic, who is driven insane by the fact that our president is illegitimate, to do some serious damage. The right wing fringe is seriously going over the edge and we need to keep an eye on them.

But at the same time, we should be laughing at them every chance we get. Because they are completely insane.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

  • PERMALINK
  • PRINT
  • Digg This
  • Email To A Friend
 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

 ... 27

Next

Comments
CreamyGoodness

CreamyGoodness

United Kingdom
December 2002

JUL 22, 2009 12:24 AM

FearTheReaper said:
Sarah Palin founded England, by the way.



Sarah Palin is the Queen when she was younger travelling forward in time to warn us of the impending morman invasion.

ZakSmith said:

It's anarcho-communist-liberal-lawless-totalitarian-atheist-muslim-caliphate.



What, you couldn't find room for a 'facist' in there?

TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

JUL 22, 2009 12:27 AM

midnightblue69 said:
Oh Jesus Christ another FTR story with about 6.2% of the facts


Oh Jesus Christ another midnightblue69 post with no sensible content.

Chainlink

Chainlink

Key West, FL
August 2005

JUL 22, 2009 12:30 AM

nm

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUL 22, 2009 12:52 AM



Jump forward to the 3 min mark.

Republicans are so fucked. They can't possibly look crazier.

MrMuller

MrMuller

Detroit, MI
March 2004

JUL 22, 2009 01:10 AM

Oh my God, my head hurts.

The seal on my record of live birth has been so pressed for so long that it's no longer raised. Am I not a citizen anymore!?!?!? eeek

gfvella

gfvella

Australia
November 2004

JUL 22, 2009 01:17 AM

s5 said:
These people are crazy.

I find this whole thing really amusing because, unlike Obama, I actually was born in a different country. To an American mother and a Greek father.

Yet I'm a natural born citizen, with a US birth certificate, with the full rights and privileges of every other US citizen. I know this because I've lived my entire life as a US citizen, and the State Department agrees enough to send me a new passport every time I need renewal.

I've never had to attend a swearing-in ceremony, and I've never had to apply to be a citizen. I've been able to vote since the day I turned 18.

Anyone want to challenge my US citizenship?



Damn right i challenge it! You say you have a birth certifcate; you say you were born on Earth; you say you have evidence; yet where is this evidence? No one here has seen it i bet! I suspect that you are the 5th trojan horseman sent by the Platonics to inveigle you way into suicide girls and then turn it into a site for getting back the Elgin Marbles. Can you disprove that? Bet ya can't! tongue

gfvella

gfvella

Australia
November 2004

JUL 22, 2009 01:21 AM

khoos said:
I wish I could say that there was a clear definition of a Natural Born Citizen. Sadly there is some debate on the definition. I think the "birther" definition is a little extreme.

The term "natural born Citizen" has never been defined by the Courts in the course of a Presidential qualification challenge. It is believed by some people, including some of the so-called "birthers," that this provision means that only persons born on U.S. soil to two U.S. citizens are “natural born Citizens” of the nation and eligible to become President. There are others who believe that anyone who acquires citizenship by any means other than naturalization is a "natural born Citizen" and eligible for the Presidency.



So by that first definition how was George Washington constitutionally qualified to be president? He was British by birth after all and born in a British Colony. Same goes for the first half dozen or so Presidents by by a quick check of birth dates.

ArtHippo

ArtHippo

Edwardsville, KS
December 2007

JUL 22, 2009 04:48 AM

FearTheReaper said:


Jump forward to the 3 min mark.

Republicans are so fucked. They can't possibly look crazier.



OK, now I have to print a copy of the president's birth certificate, there's a couple of people I want to do this to.

lowroller

lowroller

Australia
May 2008

JUL 22, 2009 05:04 AM

I laughed. I'm not American though, so I can't say I'm doing my part. I knew nothing about this until I saw this article.

Hyndrix

Hyndrix

HOPEFUL

USA

JUL 22, 2009 05:11 AM

This is ridiculous, but I'm not surprised. I'm more surprised at the fact that there isn't a video of Bill O'Reilly saying something stupid, but I guess he's too busy chastising a dead Michael Jackson.

Littlejohn22

Littlejohn22

Fredericton, NB
May 2009

JUL 22, 2009 06:57 AM

There is no seal on my Birth certificate..... it's a walrus.

w1zard

w1zard

Washington, IN
May 2009

JUL 22, 2009 07:48 AM

I will agree that issue is a small group of idiots making a lot of noise and still getting some press. It is a non-issue. However, I still can't believe the state that this country has come to giving us the worst canadites that have ever been presented to the people of the US in the past election. I would have voted for anyone else that would have been on the ballot.

I do hate that Obama was elected, not for the reasons that most do, but because of his voting record and his promises. He was elected by people that were basing their decission on the wrong reasons. People voted for him because of the color of his skin, or what they thought they would receive from the government hand out programs. Not because of what they thought he could do for the country.

If these same people would have done a little research into Obama's voting record they would have seen the very high percentage of "present" votes made by Obama. For those that don't realize what the "present" vote means, it means that he wanted to show that he was present for the vote but declined to vote either yes or no. Showing up might be 90% of life, but it is not what we as a country should want as a leader of this country.

I don't blame any single elected official for the problems of this country or give credit to any individual for the good laws that are passed. It requires many people to get the job done.

The quote from Kennedy was "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." We have to many people asking "what can my country do for me?"

We now have Obama as the leader of the Country. This doesn't mean that we should blindly follow him. I do respect his position, but that doesn't mean that I respect the person. That is one freedom that has not been taken from me.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

JUL 22, 2009 07:58 AM

w1zard said:
I do hate that Obama was elected, not for the reasons that most do, but because of his voting record and his promises. He was elected by people that were basing their decission on the wrong reasons. People voted for him because of the color of his skin, or what they thought they would receive from the government hand out programs. Not because of what they thought he could do for the country.



Generalizations do not equal proof. You have no idea why anybody voted. So, you make assumptions, based on a few soundbytes. Bad research.


If these same people would have done a little research into Obama's voting record they would have seen the very high percentage of "present" votes made by Obama. For those that don't realize what the "present" vote means, it means that he wanted to show that he was present for the vote but declined to vote either yes or no. Showing up might be 90% of life, but it is not what we as a country should want as a leader of this country.



How is that any different from someone who refuses to vote because they don't like either candidate? Not voting can be taking a particular stance. I don't know if that is true or not for Obama, but it is something to take into consideration. Again, research-fail


I don't blame any single elected official for the problems of this country or give credit to any individual for the good laws that are passed. It requires many people to get the job done.

The quote from Kennedy was "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." We have to many people asking "what can my country do for me?"

We now have Obama as the leader of the Country. This doesn't mean that we should blindly follow him. I do respect his position, but that doesn't mean that I respect the person. That is one freedom that has not been taken from me.



That can be your choice. I respect him more as a person than as a politician because I don't agree with many of his choices. That is my choice.

But I would strongly suggest you get your head out of generalities, assumptions, and soundbytes and look for some fact.

mydogfarted

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ
June 2003

JUL 22, 2009 08:20 AM

w1zard said:
However, I still can't believe the state that this country has come to giving us the worst canadites



They're Canadians, not Canadites. tongue

w1zard said:
I do hate that Obama was elected, not for the reasons that most do, but because of his voting record and his promises. He was elected by people that were basing their decission on the wrong reasons. People voted for him because of the color of his skin, or what they thought they would receive from the government hand out programs. Not because of what they thought he could do for the country.



Some people voted for him simply because they'd had enough of the last 8 years of Republican stupidity destroying the country, and McCain was showing he was going to bend over and tow the company line. That lead us to the worst financial disaster in U.S. history, did we really need more of it?

Billy8

Billy8

Casper, WY
April 2004

JUL 22, 2009 08:42 AM

Why was the man looking for BHO's birth certificate in Kenya arrested and deported? Why when you can not attend school in Indonesia unless you are a citizen of Indonesia, was an American allowed to attend an islamic academy there? Why was his name changed when he entered that school? Would BHO show us his draft card, if asked for it, and are you sue he has a draft card? Why am I a racist if I ask these questions?

Questions? wink

Previous

PAGE: 

1 ... 

4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

 ... 27

Next

featured interviews