Asshole Fuckface Roundup #104
Mmm. Asshole Fuckfacery. You know you love it. You know you want it. Each week I scour the news for the worst of the worst and present them to you for mocking. So, get your hottest pants on and let's get this party started.
First up, some worst Senator alive Asshole Fuckfacry.
Apparently, its not difficult for Joe Lieberman to be the worst Democrat alive. Its just something he excels at. This week, Joe came out against a public health plan. Thats just how he do. Being a Democrat, from a Democratic state, hes decided not to go with the only thing that will bring down health care costs. Hes decided not to go with a public plan that 90% of Democrats want and 70% of Americans want. He against it!
"If we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it."
Wait a minute. Slow the fuck down. This is very difficult and complex stuff and your rushing through it makes it even worse. So, you're saying that if we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it......fuck, I still don't get it. Start over. All I know is that right now we are throwing bags of money at private insurance companies but thats not paying for it. I don't get this "public" shit.
"My fear is...[health care providers] would end up getting levels of reimbursement from the public plan...comparable to what they get today from Medicaid."
Oh noes! We must save the health care providers from losing out on their insane profits! Let's just ignore the fact that the public plan being addressed is comparable remuneration-wise to Medicare - which is better. Blah, blah, blah, facts are dumb.
Remember way back when Asshole Fuckface Lieberman was running for the Senate in 2006? After losing in the Democratic primary? And he decided to run from the left?
July 6, 2006 primary debate:
And what I'm saying to the people of Connecticut, I can do more for you and your families to get something done to make health care affordable, to get universal health insurance, to make America energy independent, to save your jobs and create new ones. That's what the Democratic Party is all about.
Sept. 21, 2006, during the general election campaign.
After spending most of his Senate career advocating piecemeal health care reforms, Joseph I. Lieberman said Wednesday he strongly supports universal health care.
Lieberman devoted a conference call with reporters to an issue that his main rival in the U.S. Senate race, Democratic nominee Ned Lamont, has highlighted in recent days.
"I have long supported the goal of universal health care," Lieberman told reporters. "Ned Lamont can talk about it. I've been doing something about it all the time I've been here."
Liar! And an Asshole Fuckface!
Next up, some logic fail Asshole Fuckfacery.
Obviously, Obama is destroying our country. Hes a communist, hes in love with Iran and he is black. Its very upsetting if you sit back and look at the whole picture. As an American who loves America so much, he would like to blow America while singing God Bless America, I know there is only one way to save our country: Blow it up.
Finally someone is talking some sense up in this bitch. The only way to save America is to destroy it first. Its like Danny Bonaduce. Same deal. No way we see another Oklahoma City bombing during Obama's presidency.
Next up, some global warming denier Asshole Fuckfacery.
Oh, the right wing has a new poster boy. He works for the EPA and he hates him some global warming. Thats why he put together an extensive scientific study to show the world it is not real. Global warming is a hoax!
The author, EPA veteran Al Carlin, is an economist, not a climate scientist.
Whatever. Dudes got EPA credentials. The right wing is in a tizzy because Carlins report is being buried! Buried, I tell you!
It's unclear whether Carlin was supposed to be a member of the working group of staffers whose input on the document was actively solicited. He says he thought he was, since he was included on emails about the document, and invited to meetings on the issue. But the EPA subsequently said he wasn't.
But Carlin was soon told by a colleague coordinating responses to the draft that there were "reservations" about including Carlin's comments in the finding. Soon afterward, NCEE director Al McGartland informed Carlin that his comments would not be included. McFarland then told Carlin via email not to have any further contact with other EPA staff on the issue of climate change, and not to do any more work on the issue.
Don't hate the playa, hate the game! Why does the EPA want to shut down the truth?!?! Ask yourself that question. The EPA is part of the global warming religion and will do anything to hide the truth!
A NASA climatologist has called the report, "a ragbag collection of un-peer reviewed web pages, an unhealthy dose of sunstroke, a dash of astrology and more cherries than you can poke a cocktail stick at."
Um, yeah. Thats what science is. Jesus said that.
Thankfully, we have lawmakers who wont let this horrible injustice go unanswered.
A top Republican senator has ordered an investigation into the Environmental Protection Agency's alleged suppression of a report that questioned the science behind global warming.
Senator Inhofe wont let this stand! Why are you burying a scientific report you never asked for, that was created by an economist? Youve got some answering to do, EPA. Next well hear that youre hiding a report from a janitor on the friendly nature of volcanoes. No matter how much you want this to go away, Obamepa, it aint! The truth must be told! You fuckers opened up a can of corruption!
Now, Rep. Joe Barton is taking the outrage to a new level. This morning on America's Newsroom, the industry-friendly Texas Republican accused the EPA of suppressing the report, and declared that "just as Nixon had Watergate, Obama now has Carbongate to deal with."
Its totally not embarrassing! Go Republicans!
Finally, some San Diego Asshole Fuckfacery.
Well, it was only a matter of time before Democrats started getting pepper sprayed. Who knew it would be beautiful San Diego that would kick it off? Democratic House candidate Francine Busby was holding a fundraiser last Friday night when things took a wrong turn.
The Sheriff's Department received the complaint at 9:33 p.m. from a man who said someone was talking on a loudspeaker and a crowd was cheering, keeping him awake.
Dude. Its Friday. Someone should call the cops on you for being lame.
In reality, the party wasnt loud at all.
Neighbors on three sides of the house said yesterday there wasn't much noise from the party. One man said he slept through it.
Apparently dude had some other issues with the fundraiser.
During Busby's speech, Barman said in a statement yesterday, a man on the property behind her house shouted disparaging remarks about Busby and gay people. Barman lives in the house with her partner, Jane Stratton, 55.
Im guessing the words Dikes and Lesbos were tossed around a bit by Mr. I Cant Sleep Because Gay People Are Next Door. Thankfully, the awesome Deputy Marshall Abbott arrived to calm the situation down. This is a good time to ask if its a good sign when people call 911 to report a cop going apeshit.
When the homeowner questioned why she had to provide her date of birth, the deputy grabbed her arm, put it behind her back, and brought her to the ground. Feeling intimidated by a group of mostly middle-aged women, he pepper-sprayed a number of guests and arrested Barman.
Thats pretty much the usual response to a noise complaint, I guess. Abbot then called in the calvary. Multiple cops arrived, as did a helicopter and a dog unit for a bunch of middle aged women. Hey, I wonder if this has anything to do with them being gay?
Stay classy, San Diego!
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
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