Holy shit there were a lot of Asshole Fuckfaces this week. I almost couldn’t fit all the nominees into my man purse. But, I did. Then I whittled them down to a manageable number and sorted them by color. After that, I lathered them in butter and dried them in the sun. Once dry, I threw them on the roof and the first four that slid back down became this week’s picks. It’s called science and it works very well, so put on your favorite leather lab coat because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some border protecting Asshole Fuckfacery.

This one is epic Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame material.

Meet Shawna Forde. She’s from Washington State, used to be the executive director of Minutemen American Defense and was named Bush's "operations director" for the Minutemen’s actions along the border. She even hosted an anti-immigrant “Summit” which was attended by Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson. Obviously, being a leader of the Minuteman, Shawna is a complete lunatic.

But that’s just talk. Now we have proof of her lunacy because she entered the home of some brown people and killed them.

Thanks for protecting us from that 9-year-old girl, Shawna.

Right. If you can’t raise money to protect America from donations, go rob and kill a drug dealer and his child.

Well, she was Mexican or the daughter of a bad person or something, so she deserved to die. Please put Shawna and her Asshole Fuckface friend in prison with the Mexican Mafia. Thanks.

Next up, some GOP racist Asshole Fuckfacery.

It’s pretty difficult to go an entire week without stumbling across some delightful Republican racism. See, back in the old days they sent hilarious racist emails to each other and laughed and laughed and laughed. But now they have a huge problem: The president is black. So, when they try to take their fantastic racist jokes and apply them to the president, it brings them a whole bunch of attention. Bummer.

First up, South Carolina GOP official Sherri Goforth posted a hilarious picture up on Facebook. It’s of all the presidents. The last one is a bit weird, though.



Ha ha ha! He’s black! I get it! You can only see black people’s eyes. Because they’re black! Get it! Weeeeee.

Fucking wrong list. Clearly that was the problem.

Second is South Carolina GOP operative Mike Green. (Good week, South Carolina!) Mike has discovered Twittering, which means he can spread his hilarious racist jokes further.



Ah ha ha ha ha. Get it? Obama is black, so he’s against everything white and good. I love it! But, Mike realized he had made an error.



Totally. Your error being you made your racist comment in public, believing everyone thinks the way you do because all your friends are racist.

Next up, some presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.

Barack Obama took a deep dive into Lake Asshole Fuckface this week with some heinous bullshit. First, Barack and his hoard attacked gay Americans in a way religious zealots would be proud of.

Sweet. Nothing like shitting on people who supported you.

Oh, good, you compared gay marriage to incest. Nice work, Obama peeps. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was probably not a good idea to have a Mormon, who was hired by Bush, to write the brief, especially considering it was not even necessary. But, hey, it’s working out well, because the gay community is furious and bailing in droves. (Pssst, you're supposed to be on their side)

Good work, all around.

Next up, more presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.

Obama is having one hell of a week. First his crew spit in the face of gays and then he went and pulled a big, fat Bush.

Now, that is the transparency we were looking for.

Yes, let’s ignore the TWO RULINGS by the courts and go on about our merry way because we didn’t have enough presidents ignoring the law over the past eight years. But, hey, he did warn us he was into this kind of stuff.

Hell yeah!

You tell 'em!

Whatever it takes to win, eh, liar?

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.