Asshole Fuckface Roundup #100
One hundred. This is a milestone or something. A centenary of Asshole Fuckfacing. What better way to celebrate than with another horrible, horrible Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Put something on and get ready for some stuff.
First, some disgusting pro-some life Asshole Fuckfacery.
Our religious zealots have a lot of explaining to do this week. Not just for the murder they committed, but also for their reaction to the murder. On Sunday, anti-abortion lunatic and American terrorist Scott P. Roeder shot and killed Dr. George Tiller. Tiller was one of the few doctors in America willing to provide 2nd and 3rd term abortions.
With one bullet, a gunman ended the life and the controversial career of abortion doctor George Tiller, killing him as he stood in the foyer of his church Sunday.
Oh, good, the gunman did it in church, in front of God and probably a bunch of children. I was worried this might be really creepy. Roeder is a terrorist, plain and simple. In the past, he was caught with explosives.
When police searched Roeder's car, they found the makings of a bomb: a blasting cap; two six-volt lantern batteries, one wired with a clothespin and a cigarette wrapper; and a 1-pound can of black gunpowder. In Roeder's home, police found instructions titled "Underground Cookbook: Clothes Pin Time-Delayed Switch."
He is a member of the American Taliban.
When Roeder was arrested yesterday, he was driving a blue 1993 Ford Taurus. In the rear window of the car was a red rose -- a symbol often used by anti-abortion activists -- and on the back his car was a silver fish symbol with the word "Jesus" inside.
Jesus Fail.
Roeder should be waterboarded in order to get information out of him about other American terrorists. Since that is what we do to terrorists, we should get on it pronto (and take photographs -- so we can destroy them later after leaking some to the press). Also, we might want to start putting these type of citizens on a list of possible terrorists. They certainly should be placed on the no fly list.
These ones have all put their names next to their Twitter updates, so they should be easy to identify.
* Crap, I always forgot hashtags. I'm happy Tiller's dead. -- Jennifer Waite, Selah, Washington
* UPDATE... Doctor George Tiller was aborted today in his 204th trimester - aren't paybacks a bitch -- Punch
* oh HAPPY DAY! Tiller the baby killer is DEAD! -- Samantha Pelch
* George Tiller the baby killer was shot dead this morning. God bless the gunmen who hopefully won't be caught. -- readnwatchchris, Creedmor. NC
* was George Tiller the baby killers brain scrambled the way he scrambled full term fetuses.. one can only hope -- Brad S
* Infamous baby killer George Tiller gunned down at (irony) church. Why do I not feel sorry for him? Have fun at Judgment Day. -- James Fiddler
* tiller the baby killer shot dead...wow. is it insensitive of me to say what goes around comes around? -- Brad M. Negulescu Cleveland.
* George Tiller the Baby Killer shot dead. May he rot in Hell. -- Amy Strong
* Tiller Baby Killer was shot and killed this morning Justice has been served. -- Shirl Ledeux
* Thinking about "Tiller the baby killer" He now knows the wages of sin is death. -- Dianne McDowell
* May Tiller rot in Hell , infanticide is the murder of babies, he WAS a provider of death like Hitler, Bundy the list goes on.... -- Dennis, A People Voip Company
* Burn in hell George Tiller -- mikedanben Sparta, NJ (41.005501,-74.672)
* No need to pray for George Tiller. We know he went straight to hell!!!!! -- Laurie D. Bailey Olive Branch, MS
* Good ridence to Tiller - babies will not be murdered because he is now gone. Wonder how he likes hell! -- Jay Emess, Southern, NJ
* Karma is a beautiful thing. Cheers to the hero who sent George Tiller where he belongs... straight to hell. -- Matthew Kamar
* omg!george tiller abortion dr. was killed n his church parkn lot! hell yea! -- Sarah Gulick, Wtichita, Ks
* George Tiller: Burning in Hell for the last three hours. -- darthdilbert Kettering, Oh
* Hmm, I know it's wrong, but I feel like the Late-Term Abortion Doctor George Tiller, got what was he deserved..... -- Mary Keogh London England
* Boom Boom Boom. George Tiller was served a very very late term abortion this morning. -- Chad Coleman, coeur d'alene, Id
* Guy shoots a Dr. to death in Church. Me I'm willing to bet that Jesus was his co-pilot. -- jeremyawhitman
* Tiller the Killer goes to Church and ends up in Hell -- mshellisright, Tulsa
* Tiller the Baby Killer is finally dead....God took care of what needed to be done.... -- Cynthia Wrench
* The left-wing nutjobs don't understand that Tiller the baby killer was not human. No human kills babies, only monsters. Good riddance -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA
* I guess Obama the Messiah can't resurrect Tiller the baby killer. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA
* The person who shot Tiller the baby killer simply excercised a man's right to choose. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA
* the killing of tiller the baby killer was JUSTICE, not murder. -- eqbt
* Glad someone offed Tiller. Baby Killer. -- Kat, Kansas
Terrorist sympathizers, every single one. They support the Dr. Killer killer, so lets put them on the no fly list and waterboard them for info. Lets get to it. Now. Please. Thanks.
Next up, some office hi-jinks Asshole Fuckfacery.
Sometimes its hard not to take a little something from the workplace. Stapler at home broken? Why that one on your desk seems nice. How about those files? Really could use a couple for the cabinet at home? Pens? Want and need. Or maybe you need a foot.
A former St. Lucie County firefighter who admitted taking a man's severed foot from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year has been sentenced to six months probation.
Hey, when you need a foot, you need a foot. There's no getting around that.
County Judge Philip Yaccuci withheld adjudication against Cynthia Cindy Economou, 38, who admitted she took the foot belonging to Karl Lambert, who was seriously injured in the accident, but said she did so to help train her body-recovery dog.
No. But he didnt need it, right? Hes got another one.
Braun asked Lambert if the severed foot could have been surgically reattached to his leg.
Well never know, Lambert replied.
Is that because it took too long to get it to a doctor? Braun asked.
Well never know, Lambert repeated.
First question: Why cant that be Adam Lambert? Second question: What the fuck?
I never meant any malice, Economou said at Fridays hearing. I never meant to cause (Lambert) any pain.
Yeah, Id believe that if you hadnt taken HIS FOOT.
Noting that Economou was named the districts firefighter of the year in 2007 and is the founder of Fully Involved Farms, which trains physically, emotionally and mentally challenged residents how to ride horses and compete in equestrian events at the Special Olympic, Yacucci told her, The commendable life youve led to this point greatly outweighs one bad judgment.
No, it doesnt. She took a dudes FOOT.
Next up, a lunatic lying Asshole Fuckface.
Dick Cheney is obviously the worst human being America has produced this century. Not only is he a crazy torture fanboy, but he also enjoys lying out of his ass constantly. This week, former Bush I and Clinton counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke criticized Cheney for using 9/11 to justify his torture nonsense. Cheney no likey.
CHENEY: You know, Dick Clarke. Dick Clarke, who was the head of the counterterrorism program in the run-up to 9/11. He obviously missed it.
Um. Dude.
New York Times reporter Philip Shenons book, The Commission: The Uncensored History of the 9/11 Investigation, reprinted some of Clarkes emphatic e-mails warning the Bush administration of the al Qaeda threat throughout 2001:
Bin Ladin Public Profile May Presage Attack (May 3)
Terrorist Groups Said Co-operating on US Hostage Plot (May 23)
Bin Ladins Networks Plans Advancing (May 26)
Bin Ladin Attacks May Be Imminent (June 23)
Bin Ladin and Associates Making Near-Term Threats (June 25)
Bin Ladin Planning High-Profile Attacks (June 30)
Planning for Bin Ladin Attacks Continues, Despite Delays (July 2)
Other than that, and telling Condi Rice Al Qaeda would be the Bush Administrations biggest problem, yeah, you totally nailed it. Many politicians seem to forget that videotape exists that undermines their current positions, but Dick Cheney seems to forget that print exists. He still hasnt wrapped his little brain around the existence of the written word.
Finally, some visual WTF Asshole Fuckfacery.
Totally not gay. You know who would have loved this? George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Andy Kaufman, Lenny Bruce, Johnny Carson. They were all about their sweet, sweet bodies. Anyone who knows anything knows a comedian isnt good until he can pose in Entertainment Weekly straining his oiled up abs so hard his capillaries might burst.
I remember when comedians were the guys who were tormented by the hypocrisy, unfairness and insanity they saw in society and were driven to point it out. Now, its all about abs.
FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.
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Mythos_
Germany
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FreakForLife
I'm lost
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Tiger_Fodder
Braintree, MA
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