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  • FRIDAY JUNE 5 2009 6:00 AM

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #100

Submitted by FearTheReaper

Edited by nicole_powers

Tags: Abortion, Dane Cook, Dick Cheney

One hundred. This is a milestone or something. A centenary of Asshole Fuckfacing. What better way to celebrate than with another horrible, horrible Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Put something on and get ready for some stuff.

First, some disgusting pro-some life Asshole Fuckfacery.

Our religious zealots have a lot of explaining to do this week. Not just for the murder they committed, but also for their reaction to the murder. On Sunday, anti-abortion lunatic and American terrorist Scott P. Roeder shot and killed Dr. George Tiller. Tiller was one of the few doctors in America willing to provide 2nd and 3rd term abortions.

With one bullet, a gunman ended the life and the controversial career of abortion doctor George Tiller, killing him as he stood in the foyer of his church Sunday.



Oh, good, the gunman did it in church, in front of God and probably a bunch of children. I was worried this might be really creepy. Roeder is a terrorist, plain and simple. In the past, he was caught with explosives.

When police searched Roeder's car, they found the makings of a bomb: a blasting cap; two six-volt lantern batteries, one wired with a clothespin and a cigarette wrapper; and a 1-pound can of black gunpowder. In Roeder's home, police found instructions titled "Underground Cookbook: Clothes Pin Time-Delayed Switch."



He is a member of the American Taliban.

When Roeder was arrested yesterday, he was driving a blue 1993 Ford Taurus. In the rear window of the car was a red rose -- a symbol often used by anti-abortion activists -- and on the back his car was a silver fish symbol with the word "Jesus" inside.



Jesus Fail.

Roeder should be waterboarded in order to get information out of him about other American terrorists. Since that is what we do to terrorists, we should get on it pronto (and take photographs -- so we can destroy them later after leaking some to the press). Also, we might want to start putting these type of citizens on a list of possible terrorists. They certainly should be placed on the “no fly list.”

These ones have all put their names next to their Twitter updates, so they should be easy to identify.

* Crap, I always forgot hashtags. I'm happy Tiller's dead. -- Jennifer Waite, Selah, Washington

* UPDATE... Doctor George Tiller was aborted today in his 204th trimester - aren't paybacks a bitch -- Punch

* oh HAPPY DAY! Tiller the baby killer is DEAD! -- Samantha Pelch

* George Tiller the baby killer was shot dead this morning. God bless the gunmen who hopefully won't be caught. -- readnwatchchris, Creedmor. NC

* was George Tiller the baby killers brain scrambled the way he scrambled full term fetuses.. one can only hope -- Brad S

* Infamous baby killer George Tiller gunned down at (irony) church. Why do I not feel sorry for him? Have fun at Judgment Day. -- James Fiddler

* tiller the baby killer shot dead...wow. is it insensitive of me to say what goes around comes around? -- Brad M. Negulescu Cleveland.

* George Tiller the Baby Killer shot dead. May he rot in Hell. -- Amy Strong

* Tiller Baby Killer was shot and killed this morning Justice has been served. -- Shirl Ledeux

* Thinking about "Tiller the baby killer" He now knows the wages of sin is death. -- Dianne McDowell

* May Tiller rot in Hell , infanticide is the murder of babies, he WAS a provider of death like Hitler, Bundy the list goes on.... -- Dennis, A People Voip Company

* Burn in hell George Tiller -- mikedanben Sparta, NJ (41.005501,-74.672)

* No need to pray for George Tiller. We know he went straight to hell!!!!! -- Laurie D. Bailey Olive Branch, MS

* Good ridence to Tiller - babies will not be murdered because he is now gone. Wonder how he likes hell! -- Jay Emess, Southern, NJ

* Karma is a beautiful thing. Cheers to the hero who sent George Tiller where he belongs... straight to hell. -- Matthew Kamar

* omg!george tiller abortion dr. was killed n his church parkn lot! hell yea! -- Sarah Gulick, Wtichita, Ks

* George Tiller: Burning in Hell for the last three hours. -- darthdilbert Kettering, Oh

* Hmm, I know it's wrong, but I feel like the Late-Term Abortion Doctor George Tiller, got what was he deserved..... -- Mary Keogh London England

* Boom Boom Boom. George Tiller was served a very very late term abortion this morning. -- Chad Coleman, coeur d'alene, Id

* Guy shoots a Dr. to death in Church. Me I'm willing to bet that Jesus was his co-pilot. -- jeremyawhitman

* Tiller the Killer goes to Church and ends up in Hell -- mshellisright, Tulsa

* Tiller the Baby Killer is finally dead....God took care of what needed to be done.... -- Cynthia Wrench

* The left-wing nutjobs don't understand that Tiller the baby killer was not human. No human kills babies, only monsters. Good riddance -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* I guess Obama the Messiah can't resurrect Tiller the baby killer. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* The person who shot Tiller the baby killer simply excercised a man's right to choose. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* the killing of tiller the baby killer was JUSTICE, not murder. -- eqbt

* Glad someone offed Tiller. Baby Killer. -- Kat, Kansas



Terrorist sympathizers, every single one. They support the Dr. Killer killer, so let’s put them on the “no fly list” and waterboard them for info. Let’s get to it. Now. Please. Thanks.

Next up, some office hi-jinks Asshole Fuckfacery.

Sometimes it’s hard not to take a little something from the workplace. Stapler at home broken? Why that one on your desk seems nice. How about those files? Really could use a couple for the cabinet at home? Pens? Want and need. Or maybe you need a foot.

A former St. Lucie County firefighter who admitted taking a man's severed foot from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year has been sentenced to six months probation.



Hey, when you need a foot, you need a foot. There's no getting around that.

County Judge Philip Yaccuci withheld adjudication against Cynthia “Cindy” Economou, 38, who admitted she took the foot belonging to Karl Lambert, who was seriously injured in the accident, but said she did so to help train her body-recovery dog.



No. But he didn’t need it, right? He’s got another one.

Braun asked Lambert if the severed foot could have been surgically reattached to his leg.

“We’ll never know,” Lambert replied.

“Is that because it took too long to get it to a doctor?” Braun asked.

“We’ll never know,” Lambert repeated.



First question: Why can’t that be Adam Lambert? Second question: What the fuck?

“I never meant any malice,” Economou said at Friday’s hearing. “I never meant to cause (Lambert) any pain.”



Yeah, I’d believe that if you hadn’t taken HIS FOOT.

Noting that Economou was named the district’s firefighter of the year in 2007 and is the founder of Fully Involved Farms, which trains physically, emotionally and mentally challenged residents how to ride horses and compete in equestrian events at the Special Olympic, Yacucci told her, “The commendable life you’ve led to this point greatly outweighs one bad judgment.”



No, it doesn’t. She took a dude’s FOOT.

Next up, a lunatic lying Asshole Fuckface.

Dick Cheney is obviously the worst human being America has produced this century. Not only is he a crazy torture fanboy, but he also enjoys lying out of his ass constantly. This week, former Bush I and Clinton counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke criticized Cheney for using 9/11 to justify his torture nonsense. Cheney no likey.

CHENEY: You know, Dick Clarke. Dick Clarke, who was the head of the counterterrorism program in the run-up to 9/11. He obviously missed it.



Um. Dude.

New York Times reporter Philip Shenon’s book, “The Commission: The Uncensored History of the 9/11 Investigation,” reprinted some of Clarke’s emphatic e-mails warning the Bush administration of the al Qaeda threat throughout 2001:

“Bin Ladin Public Profile May Presage Attack” (May 3)

“Terrorist Groups Said Co-operating on US Hostage Plot” (May 23)

“Bin Ladin’s Networks’ Plans Advancing” (May 26)

“Bin Ladin Attacks May Be Imminent” (June 23)

“Bin Ladin and Associates Making Near-Term Threats” (June 25)

“Bin Ladin Planning High-Profile Attacks” (June 30)

“Planning for Bin Ladin Attacks Continues, Despite Delays” (July 2)



Other than that, and telling Condi Rice Al Qaeda would be the Bush Administration’s biggest problem, yeah, you totally nailed it. Many politicians seem to forget that videotape exists that undermines their current positions, but Dick Cheney seems to forget that print exists. He still hasn’t wrapped his little brain around the existence of the written word.

Finally, some visual WTF Asshole Fuckfacery.



Totally not gay. You know who would have loved this? George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Andy Kaufman, Lenny Bruce, Johnny Carson. They were all about their sweet, sweet bodies. Anyone who knows anything knows a comedian isn’t good until he can pose in Entertainment Weekly straining his oiled up abs so hard his capillaries might burst.

I remember when comedians were the guys who were tormented by the hypocrisy, unfairness and insanity they saw in society and were driven to point it out. Now, it’s all about abs.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

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Lucifer69133

Lucifer69133

I'm lost
February 2009

JUN 05, 2009 06:35 AM

FearTheReaper said:
One hundred. This is a milestone or something. A centenary of Asshole Fuckfacing. What better way to celebrate than with another horrible, horrible Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Put something on and get ready for some stuff.

First, some disgusting pro-some life Asshole Fuckfacery.

Our religious zealots have a lot of explaining to do this week. Not just for the murder they committed, but also for their reaction to the murder. On Sunday, anti-abortion lunatic and American terrorist Scott P. Roeder shot and killed Dr. George Tiller. Tiller was one of the few doctors in America willing to provide 2nd and 3rd term abortions.

With one bullet, a gunman ended the life and the controversial career of abortion doctor George Tiller, killing him as he stood in the foyer of his church Sunday.



Oh, good, the gunman did it in church, in front of God and probably a bunch of children. I was worried this might be really creepy. Roeder is a terrorist, plain and simple. In the past, he was caught with explosives.

When police searched Roeder's car, they found the makings of a bomb: a blasting cap; two six-volt lantern batteries, one wired with a clothespin and a cigarette wrapper; and a 1-pound can of black gunpowder. In Roeder's home, police found instructions titled "Underground Cookbook: Clothes Pin Time-Delayed Switch."



He is a member of the American Taliban.

When Roeder was arrested yesterday, he was driving a blue 1993 Ford Taurus. In the rear window of the car was a red rose -- a symbol often used by anti-abortion activists -- and on the back his car was a silver fish symbol with the word "Jesus" inside.



Jesus Fail.

Roeder should be waterboarded in order to get information out of him about other American terrorists. Since that is what we do to terrorists, we should get on it pronto (and take photographs -- so we can destroy them later after leaking some to the press). Also, we might want to start putting these type of citizens on a list of possible terrorists. They certainly should be placed on the “no fly list.”

These ones have all put their names next to their Twitter updates, so they should be easy to identify.

* Crap, I always forgot hashtags. I'm happy Tiller's dead. -- Jennifer Waite, Selah, Washington

* UPDATE... Doctor George Tiller was aborted today in his 204th trimester - aren't paybacks a bitch -- Punch

* oh HAPPY DAY! Tiller the baby killer is DEAD! -- Samantha Pelch

* George Tiller the baby killer was shot dead this morning. God bless the gunmen who hopefully won't be caught. -- readnwatchchris, Creedmor. NC

* was George Tiller the baby killers brain scrambled the way he scrambled full term fetuses.. one can only hope -- Brad S

* Infamous baby killer George Tiller gunned down at (irony) church. Why do I not feel sorry for him? Have fun at Judgment Day. -- James Fiddler

* tiller the baby killer shot dead...wow. is it insensitive of me to say what goes around comes around? -- Brad M. Negulescu Cleveland.

* George Tiller the Baby Killer shot dead. May he rot in Hell. -- Amy Strong

* Tiller Baby Killer was shot and killed this morning Justice has been served. -- Shirl Ledeux

* Thinking about "Tiller the baby killer" He now knows the wages of sin is death. -- Dianne McDowell

* May Tiller rot in Hell , infanticide is the murder of babies, he WAS a provider of death like Hitler, Bundy the list goes on.... -- Dennis, A People Voip Company

* Burn in hell George Tiller -- mikedanben Sparta, NJ (41.005501,-74.672)

* No need to pray for George Tiller. We know he went straight to hell!!!!! -- Laurie D. Bailey Olive Branch, MS

* Good ridence to Tiller - babies will not be murdered because he is now gone. Wonder how he likes hell! -- Jay Emess, Southern, NJ

* Karma is a beautiful thing. Cheers to the hero who sent George Tiller where he belongs... straight to hell. -- Matthew Kamar

* omg!george tiller abortion dr. was killed n his church parkn lot! hell yea! -- Sarah Gulick, Wtichita, Ks

* George Tiller: Burning in Hell for the last three hours. -- darthdilbert Kettering, Oh

* Hmm, I know it's wrong, but I feel like the Late-Term Abortion Doctor George Tiller, got what was he deserved..... -- Mary Keogh London England

* Boom Boom Boom. George Tiller was served a very very late term abortion this morning. -- Chad Coleman, coeur d'alene, Id

* Guy shoots a Dr. to death in Church. Me I'm willing to bet that Jesus was his co-pilot. -- jeremyawhitman

* Tiller the Killer goes to Church and ends up in Hell -- mshellisright, Tulsa

* Tiller the Baby Killer is finally dead....God took care of what needed to be done.... -- Cynthia Wrench

* The left-wing nutjobs don't understand that Tiller the baby killer was not human. No human kills babies, only monsters. Good riddance -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* I guess Obama the Messiah can't resurrect Tiller the baby killer. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* The person who shot Tiller the baby killer simply excercised a man's right to choose. -- Sami Shamieh, Walnut Creek, CA

* the killing of tiller the baby killer was JUSTICE, not murder. -- eqbt

* Glad someone offed Tiller. Baby Killer. -- Kat, Kansas



Terrorist sympathizers, every single one. They support the Dr. Killer killer, so let’s put them on the “no fly list” and waterboard them for info. Let’s get to it. Now. Please. Thanks.

Next up, some office hi-jinks Asshole Fuckfacery.

Sometimes it’s hard not to take a little something from the workplace. Stapler at home broken? Why that one on your desk seems nice. How about those files? Really could use a couple for the cabinet at home? Pens? Want and need. Or maybe you need a foot.

A former St. Lucie County firefighter who admitted taking a man's severed foot from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year has been sentenced to six months probation.



Hey, when you need a foot, you need a foot. There's no getting around that.

County Judge Philip Yaccuci withheld adjudication against Cynthia “Cindy” Economou, 38, who admitted she took the foot belonging to Karl Lambert, who was seriously injured in the accident, but said she did so to help train her body-recovery dog.



No. But he didn’t need it, right? He’s got another one.

Braun asked Lambert if the severed foot could have been surgically reattached to his leg.

“We’ll never know,” Lambert replied.

“Is that because it took too long to get it to a doctor?” Braun asked.

“We’ll never know,” Lambert repeated.



First question: Why can’t that be Adam Lambert? Second question: What the fuck?

“I never meant any malice,” Economou said at Friday’s hearing. “I never meant to cause (Lambert) any pain.”



Yeah, I’d believe that if you hadn’t taken HIS FOOT.

Noting that Economou was named the district’s firefighter of the year in 2007 and is the founder of Fully Involved Farms, which trains physically, emotionally and mentally challenged residents how to ride horses and compete in equestrian events at the Special Olympic, Yacucci told her, “The commendable life you’ve led to this point greatly outweighs one bad judgment.”



No, it doesn’t. She took a dude’s FOOT.

Next up, a lunatic lying Asshole Fuckface.

Dick Cheney is obviously the worst human being America has produced this century. Not only is he a crazy torture fanboy, but he also enjoys lying out of his ass constantly. This week, former Bush I and Clinton counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke criticized Cheney for using 9/11 to justify his torture nonsense. Cheney no likey.

CHENEY: You know, Dick Clarke. Dick Clarke, who was the head of the counterterrorism program in the run-up to 9/11. He obviously missed it.



Um. Dude.

New York Times reporter Philip Shenon’s book, “The Commission: The Uncensored History of the 9/11 Investigation,” reprinted some of Clarke’s emphatic e-mails warning the Bush administration of the al Qaeda threat throughout 2001:

“Bin Ladin Public Profile May Presage Attack” (May 3)

“Terrorist Groups Said Co-operating on US Hostage Plot” (May 23)

“Bin Ladin’s Networks’ Plans Advancing” (May 26)

“Bin Ladin Attacks May Be Imminent” (June 23)

“Bin Ladin and Associates Making Near-Term Threats” (June 25)

“Bin Ladin Planning High-Profile Attacks” (June 30)

“Planning for Bin Ladin Attacks Continues, Despite Delays” (July 2)



Other than that, and telling Condi Rice Al Qaeda would be the Bush Administration’s biggest problem, yeah, you totally nailed it. Many politicians seem to forget that videotape exists that undermines their current positions, but Dick Cheney seems to forget that print exists. He still hasn’t wrapped his little brain around the existence of the written word.



This AFR feels somewhat less substantial than I expected it, but that's probably because I already saw this covered somewhere else (The Daily Show IIRC).

FearTheReaperFinally, some visual WTF Asshole Fuckfacery.



Totally not gay. You know who would have loved this? George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Andy Kaufman, Lenny Bruce, Johnny Carson. They were all about their sweet, sweet bodies. Anyone who knows anything knows a comedian isn’t good until he can pose in Entertainment Weekly straining his oiled up abs so hard his capillaries might burst.

I remember when comedians were the guys who were tormented by the hypocrisy, unfairness and insanity they saw in society and were driven to point it out. Now, it’s all about abs.



I blame Russel Brand.

Brighteyesgr

Brighteyesgr

Greece
January 2007

JUN 05, 2009 06:43 AM

FearTheReaper said:
A former St. Lucie County firefighter who admitted taking a man's severed foot from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year has been sentenced to six months probation.



Er, just six months probation? She needs psychiatric help and probably to be layed off, I don't care what she's done in the past, taking a guys foot sort of indicates that her past actions have been a result of some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder relating to her work.

PS: Dane Cook, I think he's been voted worst comedian in a couple of sites and some magazines. That of course implies he be accepted as a comedian in the first place.

Kouvre

Kouvre

Moline, IL
April 2006

JUN 05, 2009 06:59 AM

Brighteyesgr said:

FearTheReaper said:
A former St. Lucie County firefighter who admitted taking a man's severed foot from an Interstate 95 crash scene last year has been sentenced to six months probation.



Er, just six months probation? She needs psychiatric help and probably to be layed off, I don't care what she's done in the past, taking a guys foot sort of indicates that her past actions have been a result of some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder relating to her work.

PS: Dane Cook, I think he's been voted worst comedian in a couple of sites and some magazines. That of course implies he be accepted as a comedian in the first place.



The rest of the sites and magazines voted for Carlos Mencia.

Azadeth

Azadeth

Fairport, NY
August 2006

JUN 05, 2009 07:31 AM

Dane Cook is a douchebag and a sellout, but worst of all by far, he's not funny. Now I gotta get this beefcake image of him outta my head.

hoorayparade

hoorayparade

USA
May 2006

JUN 05, 2009 08:31 AM

Kouvre said:

Brighteyesgr said:
PS: Dane Cook, I think he's been voted worst comedian in a couple of sites and some magazines. That of course implies he be accepted as a comedian in the first place.


The rest of the sites and magazines voted for Carlos Mencia.


both of these!

Mythos_

Mythos_

Germany
March 2008

JUN 05, 2009 12:29 PM

I don't know either of these two but I can asure you we have much worse comedians here and those are again outclassed in sucking by some of the stuff I saw coming from the UK.


Anyway.

FearTheReaper suggested:

Yacucci told her, "The commendable life you've led to this point greatly outweighs one bad judgment."



No, it doesn't. She took a dude's FOOT.


That is so (how do I say it without being a racist) tough of you.
"Punish her!" "Make her suffer." "Cut her foot off, too."

No. Justice is not about vengance. A civilised society should leave any and every crime unpunished, if that would not result in more crimes.

Her background is relevant because it shows that she is a good person, who made an honest mistake - and also a person who will be seriously punished by her conciousness, now that she realises her mistake.

You can't believe a lot of persons, that they did not imagine, the foot would still be needed and wanted it to train her body-recovery dog.
But given that background you can believe her. She had good intentions and was just ... thoughtless.
Yes you have to "teach her a lesson". That lesson however should be "ask a doc before taking body parts" and I am very sure that the trial and 6 month probation are absolutely sufficient, that she will never forget this.

pagnaet

pagnaet

Amarillo, TX
March 2005

JUN 05, 2009 12:43 PM

6mos probation for stealing someones foot? Even if it was a mangled scrap under a truck, Id still rather know where it is, than have it kept by a fire fighter so her dog can chew on it. Thats just me.

s5

s5

San Francisco, CA
OLD SKOOL

JUN 05, 2009 01:10 PM

It took me 100 of these posts to notice that the column shares its name with a toxic weed killer. Quite appropriate.

ramzrc1005

ramzrc1005

United Kingdom
December 2008

JUN 05, 2009 01:17 PM

That poor fella is probably relieved he didn't lose his cock instead of his foot!! wouldn't want rover chowing down on that now would he!!
this planet is great.

FETCH BOY!!!!! Hahahahaha

FearTheReaper

FearTheReaper

NEWSWIRE

I'm lost

JUN 05, 2009 01:18 PM

s5 said:
It took me 100 of these posts to notice that the column shares its name with a toxic weed killer. Quite appropriate.



Thanks. I always appreciate the staff's kindness.

ramzrc1005

ramzrc1005

United Kingdom
December 2008

JUN 05, 2009 01:22 PM

s5 said:
It took me 100 of these posts to notice that the column shares its name with a toxic weed killer. Quite appropriate.



Pathclear doesn't have the same edge does it, it always was an inferior brand anyway.

mingol

mingol

Singapore
July 2005

JUN 05, 2009 01:51 PM

That firefighter definitely falls into the "WTF" category.

Jace

Jace

San Francisco, CA
February 2004

JUN 05, 2009 02:07 PM

What the fuck, dude. Stop posting that Dane Cook shit everywhere. You're ruining the Internet.

motorfirebox

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA
March 2004

JUN 05, 2009 02:10 PM

yeah, once a thread has been Dane Cooked, it's over.

Brighteyesgr

Brighteyesgr

Greece
January 2007

JUN 05, 2009 03:03 PM

Mythos_ said:
No. Justice is not about vengance. A civilised society should leave any and every crime unpunished, if that would not result in more crimes.

Her background is relevant because it shows that she is a good person, who made an honest mistake - and also a person who will be seriously punished by her conciousness, now that she realises her mistake.



First of all, it's not about vengeance, she took a dudes foot. I don't know how logical it sounds to you, but I cannot believe that anyone not insane or mentaly handicapped can conceive the idea of stealing a living guys foot to train their dog.

So me wanting her out of the job is irelevant with vengeance. Maybe give her a desk job or something.

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