• commentary
  • TUESDAY APRIL 21 2009 6:00 AM

Medieval Tea Party

Tags: Tea Party

Diary entry - 4/18/1312

Had a very good day today. Woke up early, as the rain had broken through the straw roof. Again. Me bed of leaves is in need of replacement. Being winter, however, there’s no leaves about, so I just may need to take some straw from the roof. Also will have to sweep out the reed floor, because of all the mud, crumbs and animal drippings. Michael is suffering from dysentery, as well, and has done a number on the floor more than once.

Ate porridge with some ripe cheese. Not too many maggots in the cheese this morning, which I took as a sign things is turning ‘round a bit. After breakfast, left my seven-year-old son Jean, to plow the field with Lord Marat’s ox I borrowed. I prayed nothing would happen to the beast, as I need the boy to live. He's strong for a seven-year-old! I took some wheat up to Lord Marat’s mill. He was generous in only taking one sixth of me wheat in exchange for using his mill. Milling didn’t take too long. After went out to work in the Lord’s field.

Saw a wild boar while working the carrots. Oh, I would have liked to have killed it and had a nice feast for the others, but not really worth being killed for, now is it? Especially right on the heels of watching Charles burned alive for killing those wild ducks. Lord Marat doesn’t take kindly to killing wild game on his land. Anyway, I’ve got bread and ale waiting for me tonight.

Heard John’s arm fell off yesterday. Shame that. He had a problem with the fungus in his rye flour over the winter, so it’s not a big surprise. I knew he had turned blotchy red. Apparently, he’s just babbling and staring at the sky now. Hopefully Lord Marat can find something for him to do that just requires one arm. It’s a shame it happened now, right after he paid Lord Marat a death duty and a fine for inheriting his father’s land. Losing his best pig and then having to give his second best pig to the church as an inheritance tax, and now an arm? Seems a bit too much for one man to bear.

The boy came by the field to tell me the priest had stopped by to collect the tithe. Five eggs, bag of flour, basket of firewood, 1/10th of me wheat and a chicken. Don’t get me started on them priests, livin’ the life up there, with all the food they want and going at it with all those young boys.

Just then, a crowd comes down the road, making noise and carrying signs. I saw Gaston and asked him what was going on. He says the King wanted to take an extra 3% in taxes from Lord Marat. Can you imagine? Three percent?!?! Course, I was enraged. We all were - even though he's going to use the money to give we peasants a bit more wheat. I grabbed me pitchfork and joined the mob, as we marched through the village. How dare the King Philip make Lord Marat pay more taxes! It’s an outrage! When’s it going to stop! Someone called it a “Porridge Party.” Not sure why, something about that time when they tossed all that porridge in the Reine because of the church taken too high a tithe. Whatever, porridge party is a good name as any, but it’s still just another indignation meeting. It was odd to have some of the knights involved in this one, especially after they raped me brother’s wife and daughters before killing him. Jacque actually said a couple of the knights started this march. We ended up burning down the local garrison. The king’s knights ran like women. It was a damned good time.

When I got home, learned me wife had gone into labor and died during birth, while I was at the porridge party. The baby died, as well. And to top it off, me youngest son, Lawrence, succumbed to the Black Death. What a fucking day! After the tithe and giving the wheat to use the mill, I haven’t anything left to hire gravediggers, so I spent the night with a hoe digging graves for me family. The whole time I was digging, I still couldn’t get that 3% out of me mind. Lord Marat has to pay a whole 3% to the King?!?!? Enough is enough! I expect more Porridge Parties!

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper


 

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next

Comments
semiretiredpunk

semiretiredpunk

USA
March 2007

APR 21, 2009 10:07 PM

Historical inaccuracies aside, isn't it nice not to live in fourteenth-century Europe? smile

FreakPirate

FreakPirate

Canada
November 2002

APR 22, 2009 08:25 AM

FearTheReaper said:

God you people weird.

Have a nice couple of months.



God I hope that means you're finally fucking off...

ARRR!!!

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

APR 22, 2009 08:57 AM

semiretiredpunk said:
Historical inaccuracies aside, isn't it nice not to live in fourteenth-century Europe? smile



But . . . but . . .but . . .they all had SWORDS!!! And everybody ate turkey drumsticks and drank mead and went on hunts and talked in poetry!

Unless the Ren-faires lied to me frown

meatpieboy

meatpieboy

Korea, D.P.R.
June 2004

APR 22, 2009 12:55 PM

Katieesq said:

FearTheReaper said:

Katieesq said:
Geoffrey Chaucer you are not.



Thanks. Because what I was going for with my hastily written blurb on a titty site was to write something comparable to one of the greats of literature.

You are the epitome of ridiculous.



FearTheReaper, I know we have our differences, but neither you nor I care to make this another thread about your presence on the site. What it should be about is your confusing piece of satire.

Chaucer's medieval satire was a) funny and b) a critical reflection of medieval England. If you're trying to compare protestors to ignorant medieval serfs, OK, but why exactly isn't clear. No one in the media has made the medieval link, so why are you? And why are you evoking the name of Jean-Paul Marat for the Lord here? Care to clear up some of your weaker links?



There's an analogy here to the American People as peasants, living in a feudal system. How is that not clear? Analogies, even if they're not great, don't have to be made by the media before a little guy makes them.

Homme

Homme

Los Angeles, CA
January 2009

APR 22, 2009 01:42 PM

FreakPirate said:

FearTheReaper said:

God you people weird.

Have a nice couple of months.



God I hope that means you're finally fucking off...

ARRR!!!



Ugh... could you keep your feud with FTR off of CE please? If you don't like his articles, you don't have to comment on them.

Katieesq

Katieesq

USA
June 2008

APR 22, 2009 01:53 PM

magpieboy said:

Katieesq said:

FearTheReaper said:

Katieesq said:
Geoffrey Chaucer you are not.



Thanks. Because what I was going for with my hastily written blurb on a titty site was to write something comparable to one of the greats of literature.

You are the epitome of ridiculous.



FearTheReaper, I know we have our differences, but neither you nor I care to make this another thread about your presence on the site. What it should be about is your confusing piece of satire.

Chaucer's medieval satire was a) funny and b) a critical reflection of medieval England. If you're trying to compare protestors to ignorant medieval serfs, OK, but why exactly isn't clear. No one in the media has made the medieval link, so why are you? And why are you evoking the name of Jean-Paul Marat for the Lord here? Care to clear up some of your weaker links?



There's an analogy here to the American People as peasants, living in a feudal system. How is that not clear? Analogies, even if they're not great, don't have to be made by the media before a little guy makes them.



Try that one again.

It doesn't make sense to equate a modern tea party protestor to a feudal serf. When you do, it lends legitimacy to the argument that Americans, like serfs, aren't being appropriately represented by their government's spending, thus legitimizing the protestor's message (which was not FTR's aim).

Of course serfdom and contemporary American citizens don't have to be compared by Anderson Cooper before FTR can compare them, but it's absolutely unclear why such a comparison was made.

FellOnEarth

FellOnEarth

Temecula, CA
April 2006

APR 22, 2009 02:31 PM

Katieesq said:

magpieboy said:

Katieesq said:

FearTheReaper said:

Katieesq said:
Geoffrey Chaucer you are not.



Thanks. Because what I was going for with my hastily written blurb on a titty site was to write something comparable to one of the greats of literature.

You are the epitome of ridiculous.



FearTheReaper, I know we have our differences, but neither you nor I care to make this another thread about your presence on the site. What it should be about is your confusing piece of satire.

Chaucer's medieval satire was a) funny and b) a critical reflection of medieval England. If you're trying to compare protestors to ignorant medieval serfs, OK, but why exactly isn't clear. No one in the media has made the medieval link, so why are you? And why are you evoking the name of Jean-Paul Marat for the Lord here? Care to clear up some of your weaker links?



There's an analogy here to the American People as peasants, living in a feudal system. How is that not clear? Analogies, even if they're not great, don't have to be made by the media before a little guy makes them.



Try that one again.

It doesn't make sense to equate a modern tea party protestor to a feudal serf. When you do, it lends legitimacy to the argument that Americans, like serfs, aren't being appropriately represented by their government's spending, thus legitimizing the protestor's message (which was not FTR's aim).

Of course serfdom and contemporary American citizens don't have to be compared by Anderson Cooper before FTR can compare them, but it's absolutely unclear why such a comparison was made.

I prefer my Redcoat Tea Party analogy instead.

wereduck

wereduck

I'm lost
July 2007

APR 22, 2009 03:00 PM



What will it take to wake people up to the fact that spending like this is completely irresponsible and backwards economically? How is outspending the past administration a change in the right direction?



Yeah, that "outspending the past administration" bit? That was based on the fact that Bush lied about the amount of money he was actually spending. And the only alternative plan offered was said by the Citizens for Tax Justice to cost $300 billion more annually than Obama's budget.

Since most of the current budget is for projects that require short-term increases in spending (loans to the auto industry, improvements in our infrastructure, research and development of the high-speed rail system) that will either: a)be cut over time (Iraq for example), or b) pay back for themselves with greater commerce (loans being paid back, as another example), I would say Obama's budget, as it stands right now (I'm hopeful it will stay this way, but it's a cautious optimism), is akin to the saying "you've got to spend money to make money."

Probably the only legitimate criticism I've seen from this year's "tea party" is that the Fed should be more closely monitored. The rest of it has mostly been a bunch of hand-wringing from guys like Limbaugh, Hannity, and O'Reilly who are mad that, instead of spending trillions of dollars on mercenaries who kill with reckless abandon or useless defense projects like "missile defense shields," it's instead going to fixing schools and investing in new technologies.

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

APR 22, 2009 08:51 PM

Katieesq said:

magpieboy said:

Katieesq said:

FearTheReaper said:

Katieesq said:
Geoffrey Chaucer you are not.



Thanks. Because what I was going for with my hastily written blurb on a titty site was to write something comparable to one of the greats of literature.

You are the epitome of ridiculous.



FearTheReaper, I know we have our differences, but neither you nor I care to make this another thread about your presence on the site. What it should be about is your confusing piece of satire.

Chaucer's medieval satire was a) funny and b) a critical reflection of medieval England. If you're trying to compare protestors to ignorant medieval serfs, OK, but why exactly isn't clear. No one in the media has made the medieval link, so why are you? And why are you evoking the name of Jean-Paul Marat for the Lord here? Care to clear up some of your weaker links?



There's an analogy here to the American People as peasants, living in a feudal system. How is that not clear? Analogies, even if they're not great, don't have to be made by the media before a little guy makes them.



Try that one again.

It doesn't make sense to equate a modern tea party protestor to a feudal serf. When you do, it lends legitimacy to the argument that Americans, like serfs, aren't being appropriately represented by their government's spending, thus legitimizing the protestor's message (which was not FTR's aim).

Of course serfdom and contemporary American citizens don't have to be compared by Anderson Cooper before FTR can compare them, but it's absolutely unclear why such a comparison was made.



Well, the analogy being made is that the protestors are protesting taxation of very rich people who have never done anything in particular to deserve said protestor's loyalties (if not actively fucked them over), taxation that will not fall on their shoulders, and in fact will in part be given to them. Not that the government is oppressing these people.

Brighteyesgr

Brighteyesgr

Greece
January 2007

APR 23, 2009 02:08 AM

Homme said:

FreakPirate said:

FearTheReaper said:

God you people weird.

Have a nice couple of months.



God I hope that means you're finally fucking off...

ARRR!!!



Ugh... could you keep your feud with FTR off of CE please? If you don't like his articles, you don't have to comment on them.



QFT, your trolling on his articles is comming off as petty and childish as FTR own tantrums.

fountainofdreams

fountainofdreams

Batavia, IL
January 2005

APR 23, 2009 11:20 AM

Coyotemike said:

semiretiredpunk said:
Historical inaccuracies aside, isn't it nice not to live in fourteenth-century Europe? smile



But . . . but . . .but . . .they all had SWORDS!!! And everybody ate turkey drumsticks and drank mead and went on hunts and talked in poetry!

Unless the Ren-faires lied to me frown



They also sold leather mugs and erotic leather garb.

Previous

PAGE: 

1 | 2 | 3

Next