The fun of watching Harry Reid poke his anus into the air for all to penetrate never seems to end. He is one of the weakest men in Washington, completely unable or unwilling to use his power to accomplish what needs to be done. From allowing Republicans to constantly filibuster without actually filibustering, to rolling over like a bitch for Bush for years, it is mystifying the loser is still allowed to keep his job. But who wouldn’t want a pro-life, anti-gay marriage, big business lovin’ man who voted to invade Iraq. He’s got Democrat stamped all over him.

Basically, Reid is a Republican, or what was a Republican 20 years ago before Washington became completely insane. And he’s running the Senate for the Democrats. Reid is a huge problem and he’s a Mormon, so he wears weird underwear, which is very troubling. This week Harry decided to tell MoveOn to simmer down. Take it down a notch, with all your ‘asking for what you want and partaking in the political process’ while grandpa’s trying to bury his spine in the backyard.

Harry is upset because liberal groups have begun campaigns targeting the new “Moderate Democratic” group in the Senate. They are an exciting group of Blue Dog Democrats who think we should reduce spending on random stuff. They never actually provide a concrete reason why some project should be eliminated and another should survive, they just basically want to be able to say they did something awesome with the budget. It's economic stupidity for the worst reason and they are doing it at a time when doing shit halfway is about as stupid as it gets.

At the same time, Moveon.org is going after the Blue Dogs with radio ads. Fine. Whatever. This is how politics works. Here we have two factions of the same party who strongly disagree on an issue. This is what happens. But, oh wait, Grandpa Soft from Nevada doesn't like it when the left criticizes his precious moderates.

Right, because it's super helpful to have the Democratic caucus split apart because you have no leadership ability. And, of course, it’s not helpful to make your opinion known. To put pressure on a FUCKING POLITICIAN to get what you want. Who has ever heard of such a thing? My God, why don’t you just shit in their faces? When we begin subjecting our politicians, who appear to be aiding their opponents, to pressure, then we are doomed. In Harry Reid’s world of politics, you cave quietly behind closed doors. Keep it down, Daddy’s giving in back here.

Jesus Christ. Or should I say, “Joseph Smith.” Is Harry Reid really explaining the “art of compromise?” Harry’s version of compromising is to drop his pants, lube up his anus, and enter the room backwards. His “art of compromise” gave Bush every dime he wanted for the Iraq War, a disturbing FISA bill, a free pass on torture, put insane judge after insane judge on the bench, and an endless stream of torture happy department heads. He’s soft and weak, which is the job of people not in power.

And now he’s decided to tell a strong political group to shut up, because it’s “unwise and unhelpful” to fight for what you believe in. How in the fuck is it “unhelpful” to pressure Democrats not to act against their DEMOCRATIC president? Are the Blue Dog Senators going to throw a tantrum and, uh, I don’t know, do exactly what they are doing? Maybe if Harry were capable of doing the job, the groups that make up the Democratic base wouldn’t have to take action. What Harry Reid doesn’t play hardball, he plays fearball and it has led to an endless stream of failures.

The fact that Harry Reid has remained in power for so long is an indictment against all Senate Democrats. In the end, it’s not Harry’s fault, it’s the Democratic Senate Caucus. I wouldn’t let a drunk keep driving the bus after seven years of running into cars and killing people, but that’s exactly what they are doing. He’s inept and he’s shown it over and over again. The Democrats are frightened, little animals, even with a large majority. They don’t want to oust a man who believes strongly that a woman shouldn’t have the choice to choose, who gave in time after time to Bush and the Republicans and who refuses to make Republicans filibuster when they threaten to do so. The failure isn’t Harry; he’s just being himself. I wouldn’t get mad at a jellyfish because it can’t climb a ladder. It’s got no hands and no spine. Just like Harry’s got no leadership skills –- and no spine.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper