• commentary
  • TUESDAY MARCH 3 2009 6:00 AM

GOP’s Obama Is Just Brown

The Republican self-destruction has transitioned from amusing to completely ridiculous. I’d like to say Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s response to Obama’s speech is their bottom, but I really don’t think it is. Republicans appear to be a rare type of animal that have no ability to learn and adapt. It’s not often you get to watch people run into a burning house, but that is exactly what they are doing.

It is, quite simply, amazing to watch.

For those of you who missed Bobby Jindal’s epic career ending speech, take a look.



This is the guy Republicans decided was going to out Obama Obama. Maybe Republicans haven’t noticed, but Obama is pretty good with words. Jindal speaks like he’s meeting each word for the first time. But that’s not even the most disturbing aspect of this mess. The content is the problem –– and it’s something Republicans still don’t get.

For quite a long time, I thought Republicans like Jindal were members of the Reagan cult. But they are not. It is now clear they are members of the George W. Bush/Karl Rove/Rush Limbaugh cult. This speech was littered with lies, spin and shockingly outdated ideas. It’s as if they haven’t learned a thing since 1992. They came to power during a time when the press was, quite simply, not doing their job. Republicans were free to do as they liked, without any sort of pesky oversight. Now these clowns are attempting to operate in the same manner and they are being eviscerated as a result.

Bobby had no idea his remarks would be picked over and analyzed, (because he doesn't know how the Internet works), so he lied. He lied to make Republican policies fit reality. Here’s a tip: If you have to lie to make your policies seem decent –– you’re not doing so well. Here’s another tip: Just because a guy has brown skin, it doesn’t mean he’s the answer to the new black guy.

The fact that Republicans chose this awkward man to make their rebuttal speech is quite sad. This is supposed to be their new shining star. This was the guy who was going to hit it out of the park. Why? Because he is clinging to the same ideas that lost Republicans control of the House, the Senate and the White House. Not only is he sticking with those failed ideas, but he’s also brown. What's not to love? He's saying stuff old white guys say –– BUT HE'S BROWN. It's like God gave the GOP a gift basket, except when they opened the gift basket, they discovered it was full of turds.

Jindal is far from the only Republican who doesn’t realize it’s not the '90s. The new Republican Party leader, Michael Steele, explained to the faithful at CPAC this week that the GOP made some mistakes.

Tonight, we tell America: We know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad. But we go forward in appreciation of the values that brought us to this point.



“My bad?” Really? Well, I guess we’re going to act like we’re surfers who just fought over a wave. Yes, your bad with the whole ruining the economy and lying us into war. And in true Republican style, Michael then decided to keep on keeping on.

I am here tonight to reject the idea that defeats of the past are a repudiation of core conservative values and principles. Nor do I believe that those defeats are a sign of things to come.



Good. Keep it that way. CPAC is a disaster for the GOP. Every year, conservatives get together to watch their leaders give speeches they can masturbate to. And the press goes –– and they report back on the insane, completely out of touch nonsense that has taken place. The GOP's rhetoric and fear-mongering about “socialism” is a classic example from this year’s cult gathering.

DeMint, a fierce opponent of government expansion, told the CPAC crowd that conservatives might have to “take to the streets to stop America’s slide into socialism.”



"We now have moved a major step in the direction of socialism," Rep. Ron Paul said Friday, adding: "We are close to a fascist system where the government has control of our lives and our economy."



Representative John Boehner, the Republican leader in the House, called the budget proposal and recently passed economic stimulus plan "one big down payment on a new American socialist experiment."



"Lenin and Stalin would love this stuff," Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee told a packed ballroom.



Totally. Stalin would probably have voted for Obama. Stalin was super into Universal Health INSURANCE. Historians say that each day upon waking, Stalin would say to himself, “How can we get more insurance up in this bitch?” Stalin was all about keeping private businesses, which people need to survive, alive and kicking, instead of replacing them with government run healthcare. If anything, he is best known for working with private companies to implement national health INSURANCE. Oh, and he killed 20 million people.

Every time these idiots open their mouths, they show themselves to be extremists. The last thing Americans want is extremists running the show. We sort of had that for the past 8 years and it didn’t go too well. Republicans should be taking things in a new direction. That’s what anyone with awareness would do after two brutally devastating elections in a row. Instead, they have decided the best thing to do is go full steam ahead, deeper into the valley of lies and insanity.

The conservative activists are hardly hangdog, however. Feisty is more like it. Some openly embrace the moment as purifying, an opportunity to get back to basics after years in which elected Republicans have strayed from what many here see as the righteous path.

"A good number of them forgot what their original position was and became part of the problem. And you have to cleanse that," said David Keene, chairman of the American Conservative Union and one of the conference leaders.



Totally. Get back to calling Democrats Socialists. Go backwards. Way, way backwards. To a time before the Internet, when one could blatantly lie during the State of the Union rebuttal. Constantly throw the term “socialist” around, even though most people under 30 could give a shit and don’t see it as the terrifying threat the old folks do. Why don’t they see it as a threat? Well, probably because you clowns have been calling people who are not socialists, “socialist” for so long, the true meaning of the label is gone. Poof. You ruined your own boogyman, idiots.

Sure, some of you tools will say that liberals do the same thing. You are right, many liberals called Bush a fascist. Many. Just not THEIR FUCKING LEADERS. Not the people running the party. And they certainly didn’t do it when Bush was insanely popular after 9/11, mostly because they have a brain in their head and the tiniest bit of political awareness. People love Obama. His ratings are very high. Which means the way to beat him is not to attack him and call him names, but to come up with what you consider to be better ideas. By attacking him, you are attacking the majority of people who support him. That’s obviously a FAIL.

But Republicans have decided the way to go is in the direction of willful and blustery ignorance. Those arguing for another way, well…

Carlson got in a bit of a dust-up with the audience when he spoke Thursday. Arguing that conservatives need to put more effort into digging up facts and rely less on opinion and punditry, he noted that The New York Times, a favorite target of conservative wrath, at least cares about spelling people's names right.

"NOOOOOOO," arose a moan from some in the crowd.

"I'm merely saying that at the core of their news-gathering operation is gathering news."

"NOOOOO . . ."



You're not in good shape when Tucker Carlson is the voice of reason. But that's their answer. “No.”

No to reality.

No to facts.

No to a future.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper


 

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Comments
Hunkpapa

Hunkpapa

United Kingdom
June 2004

MAR 04, 2009 05:41 AM

BellyJack said:


While some of the projects in the bill make sense, their legislation is larded with wasteful spending. It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a "magnetic levitation" line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called "volcano monitoring." Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.



Doubt that a man who can't understand why $140 million for volcano monitoring is a good thing is worth listening to. Mount St. Helen's 1980 eruption killed fifty-seven people and cost $2.74 billion (in 2007 dollars).

What we've witnessed here is an eruption of dipshittery.



agreed. according to the USGS, 11% of the world's active volcanos are in the United States, and about half of the most dangerous ones are "significantly undermonitored". but hey, why worry about what the scientists say?

Weatherpunk

Weatherpunk

Japan
June 2008

MAR 04, 2009 09:59 AM

Jindal is the new Quayle.

SockPuppet

SockPuppet

I'm lost
July 2006

MAR 04, 2009 03:49 PM

Hunkpapa said:

BellyJack said:


While some of the projects in the bill make sense, their legislation is larded with wasteful spending. It includes $300 million to buy new cars for the government, $8 billion for high-speed rail projects, such as a "magnetic levitation" line from Las Vegas to Disneyland, and $140 million for something called "volcano monitoring." Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C.



Doubt that a man who can't understand why $140 million for volcano monitoring is a good thing is worth listening to. Mount St. Helen's 1980 eruption killed fifty-seven people and cost $2.74 billion (in 2007 dollars).

What we've witnessed here is an eruption of dipshittery.



agreed. according to the USGS, 11% of the world's active volcanos are in the United States, and about half of the most dangerous ones are "significantly undermonitored". but hey, why worry about what the scientists say?



Indeed. Perhaps he'd like to shut down the hurricane watchers as well.

defaultx

defaultx

I'm lost
February 2006

MAR 06, 2009 07:57 AM

Bobby = mr rogers
xplain it to me like im a 5 yrold



ARRR!!!

Highkarate

Highkarate

I'm lost
March 2009

MAR 08, 2009 03:54 PM

About 15 seconds into that video it all made sense... He was talking to Democrats

FellOnEarth

FellOnEarth

Temecula, CA
April 2006

MAR 08, 2009 05:53 PM

^^^
Wow, is that really why he sounded like a 3rd grader? So he wasn't actually trying to address his own party or the American people, just Democrats? whatever I fail to see the logic behind your line of reasoning. If you ask me, I think the only thing he was talking to was just the teleprompter.

Bobby Jindal:
Today in Washington, some are promising that government will rescue us from the economic storms raging all around us. Those of us who lived through hurricane Katrina, we have out doubts.

Can anyone spot the epic failure of this comment?

It's kind of funny, you know, that whole Katrina story. Especially since he sort of made it up.

To think it, he's trying to own Katrina like Bush did with 9/11. Utterly pathetic.

FellOnEarth

FellOnEarth

Temecula, CA
April 2006

MAR 08, 2009 06:10 PM

Bobby Jindal:
gnore those bureaucrats and go start rescuing people. There's a lesson to this experience: the strength of America is not found in our government.

Wow after lying directly to the American people with a straight face, he's absolutely right. Spoken like a true hypocrite. Also, I think that we should take heed of his words to "ignore those bureaucrats and go start rescuing people." I think that's what it's called when you ignore obstructionist lawmakers who are simply being unconstructive, Jindal & his ilk are the ones trying to drill holes in the boat while everyone else is trying to throw a lifeline to those who are already over their heads or soon will be without a way to stay afloat...

DJForce

DJForce

Summerville, SC
November 2008

MAR 09, 2009 05:16 AM

I hate to say it, but this is the reason why the Republicans are in trouble. They tried to out-Democrat the Democrats. The only thing I can think is "we've got to show we like brown people too. Find a brown Republican, anyone; I don't care what he sounds like...".

Until the Republicans put ideology and substance over imagery, they are in serious trouble.

It's tough being a true Conservative today. There is no one preaching our message.

Coyotemike

Coyotemike

USA
May 2006

MAR 09, 2009 10:17 AM

DJForce said:
I hate to say it, but this is the reason why the Republicans are in trouble. They tried to out-Democrat the Democrats. The only thing I can think is "we've got to show we like brown people too. Find a brown Republican, anyone; I don't care what he sounds like...".

Until the Republicans put ideology and substance over imagery, they are in serious trouble.

It's tough being a true Conservative today. There is no one preaching our message.



What is the message?

PointBlank

PointBlank

New York, NY
November 2004

MAR 09, 2009 10:31 AM

Weatherpunk said:
Jindal is the new Quayle.


Please no.
(Quayle won)

Stiles

Stiles

Oakland, CA
November 2002

MAR 09, 2009 11:29 AM

DJForce said:
I hate to say it, but this is the reason why the Republicans are in trouble. They tried to out-Democrat the Democrats. The only thing I can think is "we've got to show we like brown people too. Find a brown Republican, anyone; I don't care what he sounds like...".



I think it was much more that the pool of potentially-national GOP talent is so very shallow right now, and as a result Jindal was one of a very small number of candidates for that speech. Whoever did his speech coaching should be fired.



Until the Republicans put ideology and substance over imagery, they are in serious trouble.

It's tough being a true Conservative today. There is no one preaching our message.



I disagree. The GOP has gotten into trouble exactly because they put ideology first - the wrong ideology, extremist anti-abortion and "guns, gays and god" ideology that is increasingly out of step with voters.

It's up to the moderate conservatives to take their party back from the hard-right extremists, if they can. If not, they will continue their slide into irrelevance.

IDGAS

IDGAS

Boston, MA
March 2004

MAR 09, 2009 12:22 PM

DJForce said:
I hate to say it, but this is the reason why the Republicans are in trouble. They tried to out-Democrat the Democrats. The only thing I can think is "we've got to show we like brown people too. Find a brown Republican, anyone; I don't care what he sounds like...".

Until the Republicans put ideology and substance over imagery, they are in serious trouble.

It's tough being a true Conservative today. There is no one preaching our message.



Off the top of my head try
Thomas Sowell
J.C. Watts
Clarence Thomas
Alan Keyes

I don't like any of them nor do I agree with them.

DJForce

DJForce

Summerville, SC
November 2008

MAR 10, 2009 01:16 AM

Coyotemike said:

DJForce said:
I hate to say it, but this is the reason why the Republicans are in trouble. They tried to out-Democrat the Democrats. The only thing I can think is "we've got to show we like brown people too. Find a brown Republican, anyone; I don't care what he sounds like...".

Until the Republicans put ideology and substance over imagery, they are in serious trouble.

It's tough being a true Conservative today. There is no one preaching our message.



What is the message?



Basically


  • You have the right to choose your actions, but not the consquences

  • Life, and by extension the Government, doesn't owe you anything.

  • There are evil people in the world who only understand force and must be delt with harshly

  • By easing the life of those who make poor decisions, you create a society that encourages poor decision making.

  • The transfer of wealth from rich to poor is both immoral and harmfull to the economy

  • All life is precious, however human needs superceed that of plants or animals


TheFuckOffKid

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

MAR 10, 2009 03:14 AM

DJForce said:


  • You have the right to choose your actions, but not the consquences



Who says otherwise? Like, quote someone saying the opposite.


  • Life, and by extension the Government, doesn't owe you anything.



Well, I guess you're right -- I don't know that the government owes us the maintenance of a working system of property rights, with a functioning law and order system to enforce said rights.

But, last I looked, conservatives in large numbers were in favour of the government providing such things.

So perhaps the roles and functions of government aren't an issue of what it "owes" us.

Actually, I'm glad we agree on this point, because, frankly, most conservatives address it totally stupidly. Phew!


  • There are evil people in the world who only understand force and must be delt with harshly



Again, name them. Robert Mugabe? Would he be one? You have any plans for him?

Just wondering. I mean, if there are evil people in the world, and I'm not disputing that that's a fair description of some (perhaps many), do you know who they all are -- and how do you plan to deal with them harshly?


  • By easing the life of those who make poor decisions, you create a society that encourages poor decision making.



Is being born into a poor family a poor decision?

Having an abusive parent?

Just, again, wondering out loud.


  • The transfer of wealth from rich to poor is both immoral and harmfull to the economy



Odd. Some rich people give to charity. You better have a word with them.

And, uh, Republicans have been pretty supportive of financial support for Big Agribusiness, in the form of agricultural subsidies, which probably have some regressive effect. Is that the trick? One can be conservative and support some measures because the wealth transfer is upwards?

Again, you know, pondering your ideas out loud.


  • All life is precious, however human needs superceed that of plants or animals



What are you saying here? That conservativces eat meat and liberals don't?

Last I looked, I knew plenty of liberals who are omnivorous, so I'm not sure I see your point.

Or is it not about food, but about, oh, I don't know, species preservation or something? You're trying to make some point about some endangered spotted owl or some such?

If so, man, are you confused. There are plenty of reasons to conserve nature generally, and various species specifically, that are all about satisfying human needs/desires. (In fact, I'm not going to talk about "needs" as I think that's shonky language. Most of what we "need" can be provided in a variety of ways, so we pretty much always have options.)

Reasons for looking after nature include maintaining balance in ecosystems that provide important ecosystem services -- knocking out a species can play havoc witrh predator-prey relationships and result in an area being overrun by pests, for example.

There's also value inherent in genetic information, which gets lost as we deforest. Not to mention that pesky carbon stuff.

Or, alternatively, a perfectly valid reason for preserving animals is that we humans like having those animals around. This is as entirely valid a benefit to human beings as having another Wii or another cold beer in hand.

So, having mulled over your statements of conservative principles, it all just seems ill-defined and vacuous.

Are all conservatives as confused as you? shocked

Toku666

Toku666

Columbus, OH
May 2004

MAR 10, 2009 06:02 AM

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

Anyhow, I heard that Jindal sounded pretty funny or something. True?

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