News > Politics > I Don't Know What's Happening

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TUESDAY FEBRUARY 24 2009 6:00 AM

America is clearly overburdened with morons. They are a loud, uneducated group of people who live by one slogan: Taxes Are Bad. No matter the situation, taxes are bad, because government is bad. Theyve now gone as far as to start two glorious wars and combined them with some juicy tax cuts, because, if you are going to spend over a trillion dollars, by all means dont pay for it. Theyve ruined our country with fiscal irresponsibility and theyd like to fix that with tax cuts. They created a mythological character named Reagan and now they would very much like to follow him to the bottom of the sea. The only problem is, they are going to take the rest of us with them.

The tax-cut-only-Republicans are no different than crazy religious parents who dont take their kids to the hospital because they believe in prayer. Much like those kids, our country is dying. Taxes are how we pay for this crazy thing called society. With an endless stream of tax cuts, we end up with what we have now: Schools in shocking disrepair, fewer teachers, bridges, roads and highways falling apart, horrible traffic congestion, sicker people, more crime, oh, and enormous debt, which handicaps the governments ability to deal with recessions and depressions.

But, the government cant do anything right, so we have to cut taxes. All one has to do is look at the amazing success of Wall Street over the past year to see how brilliant of a statement this is. Or the shocking disaster of privatizing the Iraq War, where private companies turn so many things into colossal piles of shit, at a far higher cost than if the government had done the work. Yes, private companies are the way to success and government is the way to failure. Lewis Black said it best.

Yeah. Its people. Turns out mistakes can and will be made, whether it is government or private companies. Who would have thought? Im actually super pleased with our socialized fire departments. Back in the day, they were private companies, but now they are paid for by the government. Doesnt take a genius to figure out why. Our crazy, hippy highway system was fucking sweet when the government made it. After years of starving it to death, it has lost a bit of its luster, but still, not bad. Taxes promote general welfare, which is, you know, kind of a good thing.

But the government fucks everything up!

What are you five? Yes, everybody fucks up sometimes. The fact that you can't see the good the government has done is absolutely pathetic. If your kid makes a mistake, why dont you take him out in the backyard and kill him with a shovel? I mean, he made a mistake, after all. By all means, dont attempt to fix the situation. Dont show him a different way. The idea that the government always screws up is such juvenile and pathetic thinking it is astounding, as is the idea it is not repairable. Completely fucking astounding. You have the analytic ability of a hamster.

More than anything, its the rigidity of the position. Saying tax cuts is always the way to go is nothing short of cult like. Always saying government needs to be smaller is childish. Government needs to be more efficient, which has nothing to do with size. Everything needs to be more efficient. We should always be looking for ways to streamline. Unfortunately, we usually dont notice something is wrong until there is a problem you know, because we are human beings. We certainly didnt notice our awesome, kick ass, private mortgage industry was giving home loans to hobos until it was too late. (And if you blame the housing meltdown solely on Freddie and Fanny, you are unread and, really, very stupid).

The Reagan trickle down tax cut policy is now believed to be a sound economic policy by too many people. It is a sham, a fools game, a myth and extremely irresponsible. The wasteland that is California is the future of America. And yet, the idea of tax cuts being a healing elixir is believed by so many that Democrats now tout their tax cut prowess. Thats why were doomed. People have bought into the idea of small government," but when asked about individual programs provided by the government, they love them. Its a broad and stupid argument that has won and will lead to our doom. There is no one-way to do things, there are many. Once you come to believe there is only one way, like the Republican hoard, you are pretty much doomed. I find it baffling that so many hold such ignorant beliefs with such religious veracity. I look around and I just dont know whats happening, only that it spells ruin.

Oh, and Reagan raised taxes three times, you clown fuckers.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

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Comments

sick

Minneapolis, MN

June 2003

FEB 24, 2009 04:30 PM

Now, now; it's not all rich people. Just yesterday I heard a rich person call in to the radio show and state he'd gladly pay more taxes to support schools, roads, social programs, etc.

At least he said he was in the top 10%. Thinking about it now, it can't be true; no rich person would say such a thing.

When did noblesse oblige become a term of complete derision, rather than just one of partial hypocrisy?

motorfirebox

Pittsburgh, PA

March 2004

FEB 24, 2009 04:52 PM

what's funny is that he's posting on a paid porn site about class war. in any real class war, he'd be up against the wall right alongside Donald Trump, and the firing squad that executed him would be made up of guys who live in mud huts.

LimoWreck

I'm lost

October 2007

FEB 24, 2009 05:38 PM

Coyotemike said:

Homme said:

Horrorflick said:
The problem right now is that the legendary 1% we're always talking about are holding all of the chips in the game. Nobody else can play, and the rich people still won't budge. The whole idea in the first place was to grab as much wealth from everybody else and live in little gated fortress communities where no poor (or brown) people would be. (Unless of course they were cleaning your pool, cutting your grass or shopping for you.) I know slavery sounds like a really neato idea to rich people, but we've already been through that shit once in this country. People won't do any work just because some kind of fucked up social order says that they're supposed to. They have to receive compensation for that work, and that's where the rich people fucked up. Now, there's no money for anybody (unless it's in a Swiss bank being guarded by lots of fuckers with machine guns), and the rich people have to pony up and start spreading it around. That, of course, is not going to happen. (The only thing that rich people have really shown any aptitude for, aside from getting pilot's licenses, ignoring their children and being assholes, is holding on to their money with a white-knuckled, bony death-grip.) America's on it's way to another civil war, and it's going to be poor people against rich people, plain and simple. They may live in tiny fortresses with iron gates and ADT security systems, but their 1% had better remember what just about every war in history has taught us: Numbers always win. Fucking period. If the rich 1% still want to hold onto what's "theirs", that is simply not going to happen if the other 99% just up and decide to take it by force. (That is, of course, not going to be pretty, but so be it.) Let's lynch a few rich folk and see what happens!

penitenziagite!

Here's my response: Paragraphs are not your enemy.

but what if they're wealthy paragraphs?

Then they'll die with most of what they inherited.

MrCrisp

I'm lost

August 2004

FEB 24, 2009 05:50 PM

mydogfarted said:

Horrorflick said:
Oh, and the same people who don't think that going to war against the rich in a violent uprising is necessary at this point are either A: Just scared. (I know, violence and guns are scary things, I don't blame you.) or B: Too busy trying to be rich themselves.

You forgot:
C: Fans of professional sports. If we rise up and kill the rich people, who is going to play 3rd base for the Yankees this year?
</SARCASM>

it's feasible. i pitch, you catch?

Stiles

Oakland, CA

November 2002

FEB 24, 2009 05:52 PM

Sick said:
Now, now; it's not all rich people. Just yesterday I heard a rich person call in to the radio show and state he'd gladly pay more taxes to support schools, roads, social programs, etc.

At least he said he was in the top 10%. Thinking about it now, it can't be true; no rich person would say such a thing.

When did noblesse oblige become a term of complete derision, rather than just one of partial hypocrisy?

Seriously. Several of my decades-long friends are wealthy registered republicans for life who made their own money, came up from working class families, the works.

They all voted for Obama, and Gore before him, and Clinton before that. Know why? Because they care about more than just the GOP hot-button wedge issues of abortion, gay marriage and guns and abhor the way the GOP has been made a tool of religious fundamentalists and neocon hawks at the expense of the traditional small-government, less red tape, more individual freedom GOP values of the past.

They also recognise the value of a robust middle class, good paying jobs and value the system that helped them make and keep all that money. They don't mind taxes if they are used competently, and they voted for Obama even though it will cost them money since they *are* wealthy.

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN

July 2003

FEB 24, 2009 07:29 PM

Heh. Sure, there are a fair few Hiltons and Kennedys and Bushes who've been sucking off the family teat all their lives. But although they have tended to work their way into the power structure, they're certainly far from the only wealthy people in America, and a lot of those people did earn that wealth themselves. Maybe they didn't start out absolutely dirt poor (although there have been people who did and have gone on to great things), but they weren't silver spoon kids either.

Doesn't mean -I'll- get there. You need to like money a whole lot more than I do and be good at applying it correctly. I'll be more than happy to settle for a modest middle class existence full of videogames.

apesugar

I'm lost

February 2009

FEB 24, 2009 08:35 PM

There's nothing inherently wrong with taxation. It is reasonable that those who earn more should be expected to contribute more in taxes.

The issue is whether the money that government spends stimulates real economic growth. At some critical point, the amount of money removed from private circulation begins to negatively impact the economy's capacity to create jobs.

TheFuckOffKid

NEWSWIRE

Australia

FEB 24, 2009 08:49 PM

apesugar said:
There's nothing inherently wrong with taxation. It is reasonable that those who earn more should be expected to contribute more in taxes.

The issue is whether the money that government spends stimulates real economic growth. At some critical point, the amount of money removed from private circulation begins to negatively impact the economy's capacity to create jobs.

Correct.

At some critical point.

Right now, it's likely that that point is some way off.

The Reagan fantasy that the Republicans have taken to heart is that tax increases ALWAYS cause more harm than good and ALL tax cuts improve things.

Such claims are manifestly silly and yet such claims keep getting made.