News > Politics > Obama Kicks Bush In The Balls

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THURSDAY JANUARY 22 2009 6:00 AM

I really didnt expect Obama to publicly chastise George W. Bush during his inaugural speech, but that is exactly what happened on Tuesday. It was an old fashioned verbal beat down. Line after line repudiating the terrible policies of Bush, while the creep was forced to sit quietly and listen. And all this after being booed by the crowd as he made his entrance. Welcome to the rest of your life George, you are a massive failure.

Obama started by tossing George a bit of sugar.

I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Now, George, please take your balls out of your pants and gently rest them on your chair because I am going to hit them with a hammer.

Barry started with the economy.

Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

An open handed slap to the face. This was a direct response to the Bush policies of the past eight years. It could have only been better if Obama had said it directly to George: "You did nothing about our failed energy policy, which weakened us militarily and financially. You did nothing to fix healthcare. You did nothing to solve our public school problems. You did nothing to prepare America for the future."

Most notably, Obama said, failure to make hard choices. Bushs line was and has always been, I make the hard choices, even if they arent popular. It was no mistake that Obama used this exact language. He stood in front of America and told Bush he did not make hard choices. Rather brutal from a diplomatic standpoint.

Barry continued.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

Punch to the gut. Barry just told George the way he governed was wrong. Bad. Sorry. Lame. Weak. And nobody was into it. The grown up is taking over. Just sit and listen, Im in charge of this shit now.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

Knee to the head. He just called Bush petty and called him out on making false promises. Ouch. Although, that one was actually a combo. It was a you blew it to George and a watch your shit warning for Congress. Might want to listen, boys.

In a minute or so, Obama moved on to my favorite moment of the entire speech.

We will restore science to its rightful place

Roundhouse kick to the face. Bush was just called out for throwing science overboard and he had to sit there quietly and listen. Obama went on to explain that his restoration in science will lead to improvements in health care, energy and schools. Let's get some stem cells and solar panels up in this bitch!

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

Elbow to the nose. Again, this is an attack on everything Bush stands for. Obama is telling America to look beyond the small minded, backward government of Bush, to see a future where great things can be achieved. Maybe he will, maybe he wont, but hes kicking Bush and his cynicism in the face.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

Hi, reframing, my name is Barack. I just took a shiv and jammed it into the ribs of a former small government president sitting behind me. Small or big doesnt matter only whether or not it works. Uh oh. Republicans just shit themselves all over America. Dude with the mic took away your big, stupid argument. Better hope this one doesnt stick, you fucking Neanderthals.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.

Holy shit. Another roundhouse kick to Georges face. Is he still conscious? Obama just told George his tax cuts and his obliteration of regulatory bodies ruined us. This is when I started giggling. I can only assume now completely transformed into a super villain Dick Cheney was squirming.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

Is it possible to do a roundhouse kick to the testicles? Because I think that's what just happened. George, we reject you. You know that whole thing you built your 8 years in office on? We reject it. Completely.

Shhhh! Just sit there and listen, hes not done.

And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

He poured salt in one of the many open wounds. Once more. Because that hasnt been happening for the past eight years. Obama just told Bush we havent been leading. How delightful is that? How long have you waited to hear that?

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Will somebody is Bushs corner throw in the towel? Its like Obama is bunching a sack of meat. Nor does it entitle us to do as we please? At this point hes just lecturing Bush on how to be a proper leader, like he is a five-year-old.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

This was not just a comment to leaders around the world. This was a comment for George, first and everyone else second. George has built nothing, he has only destroyed. His administration was shockingly corrupt, deceitful and he was just told so by an adult. Unclench your fist. My God. Brutal. Those three words could not describe Bush more. And it was obvious, throughout this speech, who he was talking to. Today, some historians have said no president has repudiated another so harshly during an inaugural address since Roosevelt handed Hoover his ass on a plate. And you can be sure the message was received this time.

Yet, they have no power to respond. With these comments, you can be sure Obama washed his hands of these people.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.

They have been set aside. Its time to clean up the day care center.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

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Comments

Subrosa

San Francisco, CA

July 2004

JAN 22, 2009 06:36 AM

To me, this line:

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

was the most important of the address. And the most biting.

LimoWreck

I'm lost

October 2007

JAN 22, 2009 06:50 AM

Yes.

mydogfarted

Oakland, NJ

June 2003

JAN 22, 2009 07:16 AM

I sat here watching the speech thinking "Did he just say that? HE'S SITTING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

Balls. Our president has them.

Coyotemike

USA

May 2006

JAN 22, 2009 07:16 AM

...our schools fail too many...

Oh how I wish he had added a line like

because our students and teachers are handcuffed by failed policies

but it was pretty much implied and I hope everybody got the message.

*begs for the removal of No Child Left Behind*

willam9

Philadelphia, PA

January 2008

JAN 22, 2009 08:08 AM

i was listening to npr and several commentators were saying that they didn't hear obama's "ask not," or "fear itself" line; like it was an indictment of a lack of grandeur in his speech. when i listened to his speech for the second time, though, i realized that there was no single historic line because of the power of his speech as a whole. for the first time in a long time, i think we can look at our government and honestly believe that the smartest person is the one at the top.

xfinitex

East Lansing, MI

August 2005

JAN 22, 2009 08:36 AM

It was brilliant. Thats all.

Morgan

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

JAN 22, 2009 08:47 AM

My favorite part about it was that Bush looked totally oblivious. As the wonderful Bloggess, who is generally hilarious, wrote in her blog:

"Also, everytime they show Bush listening to Obama he looks like he’s lost in his own dream world. He’s probably all 'How many ponies should I have? I think a lot.'"

On a side note, I think calling him "Barry" is kind of obnoxious.

ArtificialJoy

Edmonton, AB

September 2003

JAN 22, 2009 09:01 AM

It was probably at around the 15 minute mark where I turned to my co-worker and said "Damn, the only way this could be a worse indictment of Bush/Cheney is if it ends with "Officer take these men into custody".