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  • SATURDAY DECEMBER 6 2008 6:00 AM

Asshole Fuckface Roundup #75

Well, well, look who came crawling back to the Asshole Fuckface Roundup. Last week, you screamed, "I can't take it anymore. Why are people so horrible?" Then you flung yourself onto your bed and wept for an entire day. Totally reasonable. But claiming you would never read the Roundup again? That was a horrible lie — just like when you said no more Meth. So here you are, about to read tales of the worst human beings on the planet, once again. Sit back, suck it up and take it in because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some horrible presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.

I expect to be including George W. Bush in every Roundup from now until January 20th. Fear the shit he can still do. This week, Bush decided to pull down his pants, squat over our water and take a big shit in it. Bush approved a ruling that makes it easier for coal companies to dump dirt waste into streams and valleys.

The rule is one of the most contentious of all the regulations emerging from the White House in President Bush's last weeks in office ...

A coalition of environmental groups said the rule would accelerate "the destruction of mountains, forests and streams throughout Appalachia."

Edward C. Hopkins, a policy analyst at the Sierra Club, said: "The E.P.A.'s own scientists have concluded that dumping mining waste into streams devastates downstream water quality. By signing off on this rule, the agency has abdicated its responsibility."



Mountain Top Removal is shockingly destructive. The process has already devastated ecosystems and communities in Appalachia. Now, they can ruin the surface and groundwater. Thank God. Water is so fucking stupid — just go buy it if you can't use yours.

Was the Bush assault on water done there? Nope. Next he's going to allow an awesome neurotoxin into our water supplies.

Among the Bush administration's final environmental legacies will be a decision to exempt perchlorate, a known neurotoxin found at unsafe levels in the drinking water of millions of Americans, from federal regulation.

The ruling, proposed by the Environmental Protection Agency in October, was supposed to be formalized on Monday. That deadline passed, but the agency expects to announce its decision by the year's end, before president-elect Barack Obama takes office. It could take years to reverse.



No worries. Just years of a horrible toxin in our water system.

The most comprehensive human exposure study, which measured unexpectedly high perchlorate levels and correlated them with thyroid hormone drops, was concluded by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in 2007.



Hey, thyroids are fucking lame. They don't really do much. Plus, you can buy your water if you're worried about your stupid thyroid.

Next up, some parental Asshole Fuckfacery.

Meet Brenda Lyddon. She's from Iowa and she has a mentally disabled son. Naturally, that means she wants mentally disabled people to have their voting rights stripped away.

Lyddon's son Kristopher Willis, 26, is developmentally disabled and lives in a Grinnell group home. She was upset to learn that staff at the home took her son to a polling place on Election Day despite her instructions not to.

"I went to the home and told the person who is in charge of the home he is not allowed to vote," said Lyddon. "I am his mother and he was not allowed to vote."



Or, you know, you could not be an Asshole Fuckface.

Lyddon, who unsuccessfully challenged her son's ballot, retains guardianship over him for most legal decisions.



Wow. She challenged his ballot. She is wonderful mommy. I wonder why she went through all this trouble.

Lyddon supported and did volunteer work for the Republican Sen. John McCain. Her son voted for Democratic Sen. Barack Obama. But she said that's not why she complained.



Uh huh. Maybe she's mad because her disabled son won and she lost. Also, she's kind of retarded for supporting for McCain.

Next up, copper Asshole Fuckfacery.

Jennifer and John Davis were headed to the hospital on Route 2 near Boston. The traffic was a nightmare, which was not good because she was about to shoot a baby out of her vagina. Her contractions were only three minutes apart. So, John, being a man and a father took evasive action. He drove in the breakdown lane, until he came upon a state trooper. He then asked Trooper Michael Galluccio if he could keep using the lane to reach the next exit. Unfortunately, Galluccio turned out to be an Asshole Fuckface.

Not only did the trooper say no, he gave them a $100 citation for driving in the breakdown lane, made them wait for their citation while he finished writing someone else's ticket, and even seemed to ask for proof of pregnancy, Jennifer Davis said.

"He said, 'What's under your jacket?' I said, 'My belly,' " Davis said. "He waited and gestured with his head like, 'OK, let's see it.' He waited for me to unzip my jacket. I mean, it was so clear that I was pregnant."



Hey, it's the guy that makes people hate cops! Yay! He spent ten minutes writing them a ticket, then sent them on their way.

They made it to the hospital and the baby was born five hours later, which doesn't really mean shit. A woman in labor can give birth at any time and die during the process. Tooper Asshole Fuckface got lucky.

Finally, our last Asshole Fuckface was our first Asshole Fuckface.

Yes, it's George W. Bush again. This week he gave a fantastic interview, during which he was the same horrible, lying douchebag he has been all along. But this wasn't just an ordinary interview, this was the beginning of creating the Bush myth. Much like was done with Reagan, they will now begin lying in order to win the battle of history.



Saddam Hussein allowed International Atomic Energy Agency inspectors into Iraq in December 2002, four months before the war began. They destroyed Iraq's stockpiles of al Samoud missiles in early 2003.

On March 7, Hans Blix, the head of the IEAE inspection team, told the UN that, "At this juncture we are able to perform professional, no-notice inspections all over Iraq and to increase aerial surveys." Immediately after Blix' report, however, Bush warned the inspectors to prepare to leave Iraq. Ten days later, he ordered them out of the country. The invasion began three days later, on March 20.

Oh, and the White House sort of created the Office of Special Plans, run by Douglas Feith, to cherry pick intelligence so that we could attack Iraq.

The agency, called the Office of Special Plans, was set up by the defense secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, to second-guess CIA information and operated under the patronage of hard-line conservatives in the top rungs of the administration, the Pentagon and at the White House, including Vice-President Dick Cheney.

The ideologically driven network functioned like a shadow government, much of it off the official payroll and beyond congressional oversight. But it proved powerful enough to prevail in a struggle with the State Department and the CIA by establishing a justification for war.



George Bush is, of course, the greatest Asshole Fuckface of all time. Now we get to sit back and watch him and his criminal friends attempt to create his legacy.

Enjoy the Bush Legacy Project!


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for more from FearTheReaper and read his blog, Stop All Monsters.

 

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Comments
Quella

Quella

USA
July 2008

DEC 06, 2008 07:32 AM

W is also developmentally disabled, which is clear from the interview, which at some point has Laura talking about how she'll just tie W to the grill in the back yard and not let him do anything but turn charred flesh. Yep, that's what she said.

SeanTPoindexter

SeanTPoindexter

Joplin, MO
February 2008

DEC 06, 2008 08:33 AM

In regards to the mother of the disabled adult, she is technically correct: adults who have been adjudicated mentally incompetent and assigned a guardian was legally unable to vote. They have all the legal rights of a minor. I just doubt if she'd have made such a fuss if she knew her son was going to vote for McCain.

As to the State Trooper pulling over the pregnant woman, it is worth noting that two other State Troopers pulled them over in the same lane and allowed them to continue unmolested. It wasn't until they encountered the third trooper that they ran afoul asshole fuckfacery. Somehow, I think the fact that 2 out of 3 of the State Troopers they encountered that day treated them with dignity makes the act of the third even more asshole fuckfacey.

gdarklighter

gdarklighter

San Diego, CA
August 2005

DEC 06, 2008 09:31 AM

You know things are fucked up when Bank of America is protecting the environment and the EPA isn't.

Azadeth

Azadeth

Fairport, NY
August 2006

DEC 06, 2008 09:43 AM

Probably the most dangerous time to have Bush in office - he's out of there anyway, come hell or high (polluted) water. Why not trash some furniture on his way out?

Fucking turd.

Necia

Necia

San Francisco, CA
August 2005

DEC 06, 2008 11:51 AM

MrProzac said:
In regards to the mother of the disabled adult, she is technically correct: adults who have been adjudicated mentally incompetent and assigned a guardian was legally unable to vote. They have all the legal rights of a minor. I just doubt if she'd have made such a fuss if she knew her son was going to vote for McCain.



No, she's not correct in the slightest, technically or otherwise. The linked article has a University of Iowa law professor stating very clearly what the law is with regard to developmentally disabled adults voting, which is that the courts have to take specific action to take away the specific right to vote from a developmentally disabled adult in order for that adult not to be allowed to vote; otherwise, developmentally disabled adults can vote just like anyone else. That's why, when she challenged her son's ballot, she failed. So, no, she's not technically correct; she's entirely wrong.

punk

punk

Phoenix, AZ
January 2004

DEC 06, 2008 12:26 PM

Quella said:
W is also developmentally disabled, which is clear from the interview, which at some point has Laura talking about how she'll just tie W to the grill in the back yard and not let him do anything but turn charred flesh. Yep, that's what she said.



He probably shouldn't be allowed to vote, then.

Quella

Quella

USA
July 2008

DEC 06, 2008 02:34 PM

punk said:

Quella said:
W is also developmentally disabled, which is clear from the interview, which at some point has Laura talking about how she'll just tie W to the grill in the back yard and not let him do anything but turn charred flesh. Yep, that's what she said.



He probably shouldn't be allowed to vote, then.



biggrin Exactly!!

SeanTPoindexter

SeanTPoindexter

Joplin, MO
February 2008

DEC 06, 2008 03:55 PM

Necia said:

MrProzac said:
In regards to the mother of the disabled adult, she is technically correct: adults who have been adjudicated mentally incompetent and assigned a guardian was legally unable to vote. They have all the legal rights of a minor. I just doubt if she'd have made such a fuss if she knew her son was going to vote for McCain.



No, she's not correct in the slightest, technically or otherwise. The linked article has a University of Iowa law professor stating very clearly what the law is with regard to developmentally disabled adults voting, which is that the courts have to take specific action to take away the specific right to vote from a developmentally disabled adult in order for that adult not to be allowed to vote; otherwise, developmentally disabled adults can vote just like anyone else. That's why, when she challenged her son's ballot, she failed. So, no, she's not technically correct; she's entirely wrong.



Fear The Reaper's article stated that this woman was the man legal guardian and conservator. That means that he has been adjudicated mentally incompetent and another adult has been placed in charge of their welfare. If this is the case, then NO, he cannot vote. If it is NOT the case that she is his guardian and conservator, then he can vote.

There is no law that states people who are mentally disabled cannot vote, and I did not mean to imply that. I apologize if that was the impression I gave. I would also like to thank you for bringing your concerned about this to me, and foremost for not being a gigantic bitch about it. So often, on an internet forum, people overreact at the slightest disagreement and treat other posters with disdain and outright contempt. I am very thankful that this was not what happened here, and that you refrained from acting like some kind of terrible cunt-monster.

Again, sorry for the misunderstanding, and thank you for your courteous and mature reply.

malkav11

malkav11

Saint Paul, MN
July 2003

DEC 06, 2008 06:33 PM

It doesn't say she was his legal guardian and conservator. It says that she retains guardianship over him for most decisions. Voting specifically not being one of them.

SeanTPoindexter

SeanTPoindexter

Joplin, MO
February 2008

DEC 06, 2008 08:00 PM

malkav11 said:
It doesn't say she was his legal guardian and conservator. It says that she retains guardianship over him for most decisions. Voting specifically not being one of them.



It does not say that voting is not specifically one of them. It only says guardianship over most legal decisions. Whether he can vote or not may be one of them. It would be HIGHLY unusual for a person to be determined mentally incompetent by the court, assigned a guardian, and still allowed to vote. Not impossible...but extremely unlikely. I am glad that she was unsuccessful in challenging his ballot, and happy that he was allowed to vote. Please do not interpret this as an attack on this disabled man's rights. I'm simply pointing out how things usually work, and why this woman might think that, as his guardian, she had the power to prevent him from voting.

reprobate

reprobate

New Orleans, LA
December 2002

DEC 06, 2008 09:20 PM

MrProzac said:

malkav11 said:
It doesn't say she was his legal guardian and conservator. It says that she retains guardianship over him for most decisions. Voting specifically not being one of them.



It does not say that voting is not specifically one of them. It only says guardianship over most legal decisions. Whether he can vote or not may be one of them. It would be HIGHLY unusual for a person to be determined mentally incompetent by the court, assigned a guardian, and still allowed to vote. Not impossible...but extremely unlikely. I am glad that she was unsuccessful in challenging his ballot, and happy that he was allowed to vote. Please do not interpret this as an attack on this disabled man's rights. I'm simply pointing out how things usually work, and why this woman might think that, as his guardian, she had the power to prevent him from voting.



You are pointing out how things usually work in your jurisdiction. Suffrage, guardianship and all ancillary issues related to developmental disability vary widely from state to state in their scope and determinations.

SeanTPoindexter

SeanTPoindexter

Joplin, MO
February 2008

DEC 06, 2008 11:48 PM

I'll defer to your knowledge on that, but I was under the impression that Federal law forbade anyone who had been adjudicated mentally incompetent by the courts from voting. Thank you for clarifying.

hamburglar79

hamburglar79

Universal City, TX
May 2007

DEC 08, 2008 02:18 PM

I know this will get me flack, but mentally disabled people should not be allowed to vote. Then we might actually have a chance at fixing the gov. The fact is the only reason our gov has been declining has been because of the masses who actually vote... Over the past 40+ years there has not been a good candidate for presidency, including Obama... Sadly people give into pretty words, sadly pretty words dont save the country.

Heigai

Heigai

Columbus, OH
May 2004

DEC 08, 2008 02:26 PM

hamburglar79 said:
I know this will get me flack, but mentally disabled people should not be allowed to vote. Then we might actually have a chance at fixing the gov. The fact is the only reason our gov has been declining has been because of the masses who actually vote... Over the past 40+ years there has not been a good candidate for presidency, including Obama... Sadly people give into pretty words, sadly pretty words dont save the country.



You certainly seem to have all the answers. So what, exactly, is the percentage of "mentally disabled people" that are voting that is throwing our "chance at fixing the gov" off so completely?

Seriously, think for a moment about the fact that you just asserted that the reason we can't fix our government is that there are too many mentally disabled citizens voting. Think about that.

MTL

MTL

I'm lost
November 2002

DEC 08, 2008 04:17 PM

Interesting thread. The question seems to be whether or not suffrage should be truly universal, or whether it should be constrained in some way (or, whether or not any constraints are EVER acceptable.) Currently, suffrage may currently be denied in the United States based on age, status of citizenship, and/or current criminal status (may be others, I dunno; legal eagles please speak up!) Then there's the division between what is legal and what is ethical, i.e. prior to the passage of the 19th amendment in 1920, women were legally denied the right to vote, something that is thankfully considered unethical today (and was considered so by many in 1919 as well, I hope!)

So, the question is (leaving aside the argument of what is currently legal for now), is it EVER ethical to limit suffrage based on intelligence? Second (related) question, if your answer to the first is an affirmative, how would a government go about determining the minimum intelligence required in order to obtain suffrage? SAT scores? Ability to use a map and compass? Speed at which one can find Waldo? Skill at racking up head shots in Call of Duty?

Fuck if I know. This is the slipperiest of all slopes. The knee jerk reaction is to say "No, it is never acceptable." And my knee jerks as quickly as anyone else's. So let me play devil's advocate. Let's assume Person A, Sally, is of completely average intelligence, in every possible way: average IQ, average grades in high school, average ability to recite the alphabet backwards during a sobriety test. By what I am assuming is universal agreement, Sally should be allowed to vote. Now we have Person B, Maude. Maude recently had a car accident which left her with a severe traumatic brain injury. Maude is able to open her eyes, but cannot speak, respond to stimuli, feed herself, swallow, or comprehend her environment in any sense of the word. In other words, a persistent vegetative state. Let's assume that Maude, by similar universal agreement, should not be allowed to vote. The question then is, what is the fundamental difference between Sally and Maude i.e. at what point do you draw the line?

Discuss.

ooo aaa

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