You filthy mongrels may be surprised, but I believe Joe Biden was the best possible choice Barack Obama could have made. This is pretty simple reasoning, which is why it seems to be confusing so many Republicans. Besides Dick Cheney, who was given a spectacular amount of power by the testicle-less Bush, Vice Presidents really don’t do shit. Their most important function is to make the tie-breaking vote if the Senate is deadlocked. Other than that, not much. Sure, they go around the world, talking to people and have their own little agendas, but overall, pretty meaningless. They are just waiting for the big guy to die or for eight years to pass so they can run for president.

With that said, you may be wondering why I think Biden is an awesome choice. Well, here you go.



That's better than porn. The man’s tongue is a weapon to fear. Unleashing Biden on the campaign is like creating a non-stop, sound bite machine. He is concise, brutal and usually dead-on. You know how you always wish some politician would cut the shit and call somebody out on being a douchebag? Biden’s the guy who actually does that.



McCain is about to come face to face with an actual “straight talker,” which will contrast greatly with his time-worn mind, constant bullshit yammering and horrific speaking ability. Usually, candidates pick a knob who won’t upstage them in the talky department. Just take a look at Joe Lieberman, Al Gore and John Edwards. Yawn town. And totally ineffective on the campaign trail.

The amusing aspect of this choice is watching the Republicans get huge hard ons for all the “material” they have against Biden.

Wow, great call. Seriously, please do. Go at Fire Tongue with everything you’ve got and take the attention off Obama. Please divide the focus of your attacks and do it against the man who can wipe the shit-eating grin off your face with one comment. By the way Rush, you are a four-time divorced, millionaire drug addict who takes trips to Puerto Rico with bottles full of Viagra. Keep speaking for the common man, though. Maybe Paris Hilton can tell us what's up as well. Just thought I’d throw that in for no reason.

McCain is already running an ad in which Biden says he’d be honored to run against Grandpa McCain and compliments him. Genius. The tape is from 2004, setting up a Biden, “Well, he’s fallen off quite a bit in the past four years.” McCain is the candidate who has far to fall, as most people still don’t realize he is an old man, slowly losing his ability to think and constantly making embarrassing gaffs. Now, here comes an “old friend” who is going to make the case that McCain isn’t up to the job. And he’s going to make it well.

Only a fucking idiot would run an ad in which Fire Tongue praises McCain, because a severe verbal beat-down will follow. Severe. To have an ad with Biden praising McCain will create a false impression. People are now sitting around thinking, “Oh, Biden likes McCain.” They will then be surprised by the two months of verbal attacks McCain takes from his old buddy. It’s a dumb tactic. Now, using clips of Biden attacking Obama is smart, but you can be sure Biden can talk his way out of that.

So, what’s Biden’s voting record like? Who gives a shit. People vote for the top of the ticket. Sure, you can quote my “Fuck Joe Biden" article all you want. But that would make you one of the least understanding and dumbest motherfuckers on the planet, because those facts are all relevant for a man running for president. Guess what? Joe Biden is running for VICE PRESIDENT. See the difference? Guess who doesn’t set the agenda? He’ll have his own little projects, probably Amtrak, that he focuses on. Overall, he will have one function in the campaign -- to undermine John McCain. Who better than an old friend to do the job?

I’m sure Fire Tongue have an input on foreign policy too, because he is one of the most knowledgeable people in our country when it comes to foreign affairs. His deft ability to make complex foreign policy issues understandable will be devastating to watch during the vice presidential debate and whenever McCain opens his hate hole on the campaign trail. Oh, and he has a son going to Iraq. Someone on the ticket actually has a personal stake in the war. Imagine how that will go.

This is the best choice Obama could have made. By far.

You can read more of FearTheReaper's geniusing at his blog,
Stop All Monsters.